Hogwarts, June 7th, 2012
She lingers after the class is over. Delphini asks for a word with Auror Potter and he smiles, with a sparkle to his green eyes. Not for the first time, he notices how uncanny similar their colours are. She can pick his thoughts from the air.
Green eyes under messes of black hair. Someone must be laughing at the irony past the Veil.
He thinks of someone named Sirius, knowing that he would. She doesn't know who this Sirius is. She will just ask Teddy about him later. Right now, she must put her plan in motion. She has simplified it to its very essence, but one would have to be a giant to take those steps with ease.
Help from Auror Potter.
Permission from her family.
Going to Azkaban to meet her Father.
Rodolphus, corrects a little voice in her mind. One she always shakes off. The path it leads to is too dark for her to tread now. For the first time in her life, she fears darkness.
"Thank you for making sure that box was left in the vault."
"What box?" He seems to have honestly forgotten about it.
"The blue velvet one. You know; the one you told them to leave there even if they couldn't tell what was inside." She tucks a loose curl behind her right ear, suddenly unsure. He is not family. He is not a friend of hers. But he is not a stranger. He is something in between, a grey character at the centre of a secret she feels compelled to uncover.
"Oh. What was in it?"
"A gift. From my Father."
Auror Potter's face is now absolutely pale, shockingly so in contrast with his dark air. Well, shocked may work in her favour in this, so she keeps going.
"Auror Potter?" She does need him to listen to her words. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. My Father. Do you suppose I would be allowed to meet him?"
The shock in his face is back with a vengeance. She has thought this through in her mind time and time again, late into her sleepless nights. She decides to put her newly acquired skills in Legilimency to work. She won't try and pry, she decides, she'll just touch the surface and see what she finds there. Disturbing the waters by plunging into his thoughts would likely give her game away, and she does not think her Occlumency barriers would be up to the task of keeping an Auror out.
She tries, but there are only dark corridors, and mazes made of shrubs. Barriers she realizes. Too sturdy for her. For now, at least.
She doesn't understand why Auror Potter would raise such walls around his mind at the mention of her Father. Except for that little voice in the corner of her mind. Another piece of the puzzle falls into place.
It may be an absolutely ridiculous idea for her to go to Azkaban, but she simply must. There are too many pieces scattered on her mind, pieces that fall into place every now and then, composing a larger picture, a darker picture.
"You want to meet your Father? At Azkaban?"
"I suppose it won't be easy getting into Azkaban, but what are the chances of him being released?" Her voice picks up confidence as she goes. She allows herself the tiniest bit of hope.
"Well, you are right about that… It won't be easy, getting visitors to that side of Azkaban," the light seems to go out of his eyes for a second, but he carries on, "and it will probably take a while."
"I still have to discuss it with my family, but I was hoping you could help me with it."
She needs answers. The dreams keep coming and changing. Ever evolving. There's a mighty snake, deep green and yellow-eyed, oddly familiar, that she does not fear at all. For the first time, the snake goes from coiling comfortably around her to moving. She follows the serpent around in her dreams, treading corridors that look like those of Malfoy Manor, and yet aren't. There's a darkness to those corridors that she knows does not exist, not now.
"I can try. But I'm not promising anything. And I am not, most definitely, discussing the matter with your family before you do. Your Aunt would kill me the second I mentioned getting you into Azkaban."
Delphini is released from her reveries by his voice. She smiles at the mention of her aunt. She nods her thank you, and he does not break the silence with unnecessary words. Their pact is silent, and secret.
She leaves the classroom and lets out a breath she's not aware of holding. Her shoulders feel sore as the tension dissipates. A daughter striving to meet her incarcerated father is a mellow tale all on its own. One an orphan like Potter can surely relate to. Now, she needs him to come through.
She will not talk to her family before she is sure that there is a chance, however slim, of actually going to Azkaban. There is too much worrying at the Manor already, she will not make it worse, not if she can help it.
That night, she follows the serpent through the haunted hallways once more, in and out of rooms she has known her entire life and yet look so different. She realizes, in her dreams, that they are in the closed wing of the mansion, the one she does remember ensconced in shadows. The green hued serpent slithers ahead of her, down the darkest corridor so far. At its end, there's a set of double doors, similar to the ones that lead to her rooms. The air is colder here. One of the doors comes ajar, silently. The snake slides past it, but Delphini hesitates. There's something behind that door that is important to her, some other piece of the puzzle. She wants to see, she wants to know the contents of that room, but she fears the unknown.
X
Malfoy Manor July 13th, 2012
They are gathered in the sunroom, after lunch. Astoria is finally well enough to lead a somewhat normal life, even if she can't laugh without starting to cough, or climb a flight of stairs without gasping for air at the top.
Still, the atmosphere is light enough. Scorpius is running about in the gardens with Nala, happy and careless as any eight-year-old boy should be. Delphini is pretending to read a book by one of the French doors, bathing in sunlight, with her scaly familiar stretched out at her feet.
Draco looks on, watching her turn a page for the sake of her act. She looks almost ethereal in the light, her white dress waving slightly in the breeze, around the contour of her still growing legs. She's becoming willowy, like his Mother. Like Aunt Bellatrix was, according to her. He worries about what's in her mind, for she is much too absent-minded in their presence. He knows she has something up her sleeve, but she has not said a word about it to him.
He fears he already knows the answer. She has been asking about her father, and they are running out of ways to divert her questions. They do answer some questions, and quickly understand the danger in doing so. She will soon see the pattern to their answers, and see right through their lies.
X
Delphini is lost in her mind, thinking of all the times her family has spoken of her Father and of Rodolphus as if they were different people.
What if they are? Sounds the little voice inside her head.
She smothers it.
They can't be. Her family wouldn't lie to her about it, would they? Every night, in her dreams, she comes closer and closer to crossing that door, but she does not dare. She both yearns and fears whatever lies beyond it. She fears the truth. Above all else, she fears her reaction. The nightmares where her family is taken away linger still, but the worst ones are those in which it is her that sends them away, that leaves them. That kills them.
She has been going back to the creek almost every night. It's how she soothes her mind back to sleep. She wakes with the first rays of the rising sun, and returns home under a fiery sky of oranges and pinks that fail to lift her spirits. She cannot go on for much longer. Not like this.
She needs answers, but Auror Potter has not written back, and she would rather keep their pact unwritten.
The flapping of wings wins her attention. She wants it to be Potter's owl so badly that she nearly sighs in disappointment when one of Hogwarts' owls lands swiftly on the marble table where Aunt Narcissa is arranging flowers in vases that will lend the smell of summer to their bedrooms.
The small, grey owl hoots twice, skipping on her landing spot. Delphini walks to it, setting the book down on the table and taking the envelope with the School's crest. She opens it, skimming through the list of course books and other supplies that she will have to buy for her fifth year.
"No Prefect badge with that letter?" Uncle Lucius is behind her, looking at her from up his nose, watching the parchment in her hand.
She looks at him with disbelief, letting a crystal clear laugh through her lips.
"I'm not a Malfoy," she winks, "plus I fly furniture about the castle, I nearly smuggled a snake in there, I toss things into other students' cauldrons to spectacular effects and I land myself in detention several times a year. A bit less now, because I'm getting better at hiding things, but still." She shrugs her shoulders, throwing her hands in the air.
Draco snorts at that, the iced-tea he's been drinking in obvious conflict within his mouth.
"I'll go find Scorpius, see if he wants to come with me to Diagon Alley tomorrow," she moves to leave, but Astoria's gasp stops her. She turns around, smiling, "don't worry, Astoria. I'll write to Teddy and we'll all go-"
"Delphini, you know Andromeda won't let Teddy walk about Diagon Alley with the two of you. Not now," Aunt Narcissa sounds utterly broken but her voice turns bitter in the end, "with all those rumours."
"Which is why I'll ask Teddy to ask his godfather," she replies, light as feathers, "let's see if anyone dares say anything with Auror Potter around." She smiles like a cat that got the cream.
"You have everything figured out, haven't you?" Draco mocks, running his fingers through his hair.
"Almost everything," she says, lowering her eyes to the letter, wishing it were a different letter. She nods her goodbye and takes off, retrieving Guivre from the floor before she goes. He is about five feet long now, much bigger than ordinary smooth snakes, so he wraps his body in sultry coils around her, hissing softly as she carries him further into the Manor.
"And despite all her predicaments, I'll bet you she will be Head Girl somehow," Draco muses to his Father after she is gone. The eldest Malfoy merely chuckles. They wouldn't expect anything less.
X
Diagon Alley, August 2nd, 2012
Planning their visit to Diagon Alley turned out to not be that simple. The Potters were away on vacation, Teddy wouldn't risk crossing his grandmother with an entire month of summer at home still to go, and Delphini wouldn't even consider taking her cousin alone. He'd be exposed to those disgusting lies, and she would most likely lose her temper and hex someone.
So they come together only now, over two weeks later, and laugh at the flabbergasted looks of passers-by. Because there's an amused party of four just entering Florean Fortescue's shop. Delphini and Harry settle on a table, while Teddy is dragged by Scorpius to the ice cream.
There is a lot of gossiping around them, anyway, but the rumours are never heard. The Boy-Who-Saved-Them, no longer a boy at all, is sitting at a table with the most unthinkable of trios.
Everyone is so busy talking that they surely won't listen, so Delphini takes her chance.
"Auror Potter-"
"I'm off duty. You could just call me Harry, you know?" his smile is kind, but he doesn't take long to get to the point, "Let's just say that the Ministry isn't particularly happy about the idea."
It takes every figment of her not to huff in frustration, or let her eyes turn red. She needs answers, and she is not about to let a bunch of bureaucrats stand in her way.
"Don't worry, we'll get there. I asked Hermione to take a look at it. She will find every precedent in History and build your case. It's just going to take a while longer than I'd thought."
X
Harry wishes he could peer into the thoughts behind the long-lashed green eyes sitting across from him.
He is well acquainted with Delphini's yearn. She never knew her parents, not really, and all she wants to know where she comes from. Her mother is long dead, but her father is within grasp. Wouldn't he do anything to meet his parents if he had the chance? Wouldn't he crave visiting them, even in the darkest of places?
But, of course, she will never meet her father. Not the real one. She does not know it, or he hopes she doesn't, so he must act like he believes the lies they've been feeding her for all these years. He cannot let the fragile castle of cards crumble, for surely it will land on the girl as hard as stones would.
He fears, obviously. He fears the future that may be headed their way. He trusts the vow the Malfoys took. He must uphold his vow. That he would always protect her. That he would always do his best to keep the truth buried. Hermione and Draco left nothing to chance that day.
Delphini is lost in her own thoughts, he can tell, her gaze drifting to both her cousins while they walk back to the table carrying a veritable ice cream extravaganza. In a second, her face opens up again, and she smiles in earnest.
There's no way she would be this happy teenager sitting in front of him if she knew. He wants to believe that, with all his might. Except he wouldn't put it past her to have found out on her own, and she may just be good enough at hiding things…
His future fear is now present, and screaming at the very front of his mind. His scar has not hurt in years. It still doesn't, but there's a phantom pain in his forehead now.
X
Hogwarts, November 2nd, 2012
Summer was endless, but this is torture.
The months keep moving painfully slow. Every week becomes a bleak routine of poor sleep, classes and piles of work, interrupted here and there by a night spent in the Chamber, dreaming and dreading it, and the occasional visit to the Baron. At the end of the week, Delphini uses the convenient excuse of having to prepare for O.W.L.s to simply dose herself with a lion's share of sleeping potions every Saturday and sleep for a night and half a day, uninterrupted, dreamless.
She is working hard, they all are, but she wouldn't be this tired if she could put her mind at ease. Teddy has never fed her so much chocolate and pumpkin juice. Her friends have all noticed the shadow she is becoming. Her entire House knows not to cross her, knows better than coming closer. Her Quidditch has become vicious, her duelling feeds off of her simmering anger and she quickly loses interest. The ones that could best her are too afraid to even try. So she perfects her spells and charms in the Common Room, practising for her O.W.L.s, channelling all of her frustrations into obtaining a perfect score. Some nights, she channels it into far darker magic, hidden away in the Chamber.
The rumours are never heard around her. She writes home and her family writes back. She ensures that Scorpius is doing well, that Astoria is not worse, even if she can't get better, that Draco is not dying with worry. Aunt Narcissa assures her that all is well, sending small bags of candy with every letter. Delphini learns to love the candy, every piece of sugary sweetness melting on her tongue is a physical reminder of the place she belongs to, of the family she belongs to. Of what she is not.
Auror Potter isn't helping matters. There was only one lesson with him, and he left in a hurry. She knows nothing of his efforts, she doesn't even know if they still exist, and she resents it, loathes it. Resents him, loathes him, too.
She resents herself, too. She resents her inability to cross that door in her dreams. If she does not fear the snake, why can't she follow it past the threshold? Why can't she stop herself from turning her wand on the red-haired witch in her dreams? On the silver-haired family? On herself? Because that is where her anger has lead her. She now dreams of two versions of her, pointing wands at one another. One is never quite right. That one always falters, always drops her wand, always crumbles to the floor, drained of fight.
X
Malfoy Manor, December 29th, 2012
Delphini comes down for dinner looking absolutely dishevelled.
"Whatever happened to you?" Draco asks her with an ill-hidden snort.
"Muggle Studies is what happened to me! The adorable teacher decided I needed extra work on Christmas break to compensate for my obvious lack of interest…" She rolls her eyes in quite an expressive fashion, raking her fingers through her curls, and yelping almost immediately as one of her fingers becomes tangled, "Merlin's sake! And you know what's worse? I have to take a freaking O.W.L. on it! Do you mind much if I fail completely?"
Four sets of eyebrows are raised at that. As if Delphini would ever not aim for top academic accomplishments. Narcissa wishes she would focus on her academic reputation exclusively, and leave her pranking curriculum alone, but it seems that is not on the stars.
"Well, you can drop it after the O.W.L.s, can't you? They haven't made it mandatory for all seven years, have they?" Lucius looks inquisitively towards his niece, who is still working on releasing her finger.
"The School Board wasn't that daft! Yes, I am most definitely dropping the subject."
"I've heard they are planning to, though. Starting next year, actually." There is a mischievous glint on Draco's eyes.
"Are you trying to get hurt or something?"
"You can't use your wand out of Hogwarts."
"We both know I don't heed that warning… and that I have been using it often enough." She replies, mimicking the mischievous glint perfectly and winking.
"What's Muggle Studies? It sounds dreadful" Scorpius asks as he walks in.
"It's the most appalling subject in Hogwarts' history. You'll see."
Narkey walks into the room at that, letting its masters know that dinner is ready to be served.
X
The decision has been made for half a year in her mind, but tonight she must lay it bare to her family. It will not be easy, but her mind is made and she has a plan. Three steps to it. Simple, straight to the point. She suspects it won't be any easier for it.
Help from Harry.
Permission from her family.
Going to Azkaban to meet her Father.
So tonight, she sits in the piano room, curled up with a book and her familiars, waiting for them. She charmed the piano to play a slow, soft piece. She couldn't eat a thing, so she excused herself off the table. She has been clearing her mind as the family finish dinner. She needs the second step accomplished in the remaining days of Christmas holidays. She can try getting Harry's help again at Hogwarts, and she can use some pressure from her family too. The third step will be through come Easter, if all goes right. The path is clear before her. All she has to do is walk.
The suspicion has been in the back of her mind for years really. Puzzle pieces that gather slowly, silently, visible to no one but her. In that deep, deep place in her mind, even in a corner of her heart, she already knows. Everywhere else in her mind and heart, she merely suspects the true. Now, she requires confirmation. And she will have it in his eyes and in his eyes alone.
When they come inside the room, she points her wand at the piano to silence it. The moment they are all seated, that very second, she lets the words pour forth from her lips. She cannot hold back, not now, for she will lose her drive.
She bares all. Tells them all about her sleepless nights, about how all she can't think of is meeting her father. And making sure those filthy rumours are never heard again. She does not tell them everything about her dreams, those are hers and hers alone. She does not tell them of her real motive, for that is also hers. That, especially that, is a secret she could never share. She tells them of her conversations with Auror Potter, of how she has already asked for his help, of how he has not spoken of it again.
She asks for their permission. Their first urge is to deny it, as was to be expected. She listens to all the arguments she has listed in her own head for months. So she asks again, looking deeply into their eyes, letting the softest core of her shine through.
Most of all, she asks for their help.
And that is what convinces them in the end. They will stand with her, they will help her with Potter, in whatever manner they can. They will reach out to Potter and have him take her to Azkaban to meet her father.
Delphini can almost touch the worry in the air, but she can also feel their warmth, their honest desire to see her plan through. So she gets up from her seat and curls her body up by the side of her Aunt's legs, on the floor, head on her knees. Narcissa strokes her hair for a long while, letting her thumb draw circles at her niece's temple.
Delphini falls asleep like that. And does not dream.
She never saw the concerned looks her family exchanged, the dread, the panic in their eyes.
X
Hogwarts, February 12th, 2013
She lingers after her lesson. Professor Potter, as he is referred to here, eyes her suspiciously. He scratches the scar on his forehead and at that another piece of the puzzle falls into place.
This is taking way too long. She knows she would never be granted leave from Hogwarts to go visit her father in Azkaban, of all places, so there is no real chance of going there before Easter. She knows the affair would be too openly discussed that way. Potter does not want it to be public knowledge. Delphini doesn't either. But this is taking too long.
Even if she has to wait an entire month yet, she needs to know what to expect. She needs answers.
So she walks towards her teacher with her head held high, eyes piercing. She never gets so say a word once she reaches him.
"I know. I know," he almost snarls, piling pieces of parchment filled with essays on Unforgivables and why they are known as such, "your entire family has found a way to contact me. I've found myself dragged into Malfoy Manor for dinner half a dozen times already. The Ministry, or the very few people in it that know about your requirement, are still going up the walls about it. Hermione has made a brilliant case for you…"
"But can I go?"
Emerald meets emerald then, sizing each other up, trying to determine which pair of eyes will look away first. His does. He stuffs the parchments into a leather folio, and then searches his robes. He retrieves a single, thick envelope from it. The golden M in its seal comes alive in the light.
"Yes, you can. Be ready on the 28th of March. I'll take you from the Manor, into the Ministry and from there we will travel by Portkey to Azkaban."
Delphini nearly forgets her manners. She feels like screaming, like dancing, like hugging Potter. She forces herself to concede him nothing but a smile. A beautiful, happy, wondrous smile. The one she almost never uses, for it means the most.
"Now, absolute silence about this. No one else knows, no one else will, understood?"
She nods. He extends the envelope.
"That's all the paperwork to be filled with the Ministry. Your Uncle Lucius will have to fill most of it, but there's some for you too. It must be ready on the 28th," he says, lifting his eyebrows, "or you won't even go to the Ministry that day."
"Don't worry. It will be ready," she carefully takes the envelope from him and packs it in her satchel. "Thank you," is all she says. All she need say, they both know. She pats the embroidered leather, mirthful, almost giddy.
She is going. She has a way to get answers now.
She can only hope that she'll be able to sleep again when this is over.
She dreams of the snake and the corridors again, like most nights. All she has to do is walk. Follow the snake into the room. She takes two tentative steps towards the door, leaning her hand on the polished wood. But she dares not cross it. Not yet.
X
Malfoy Manor, March 28th, 2013
The Malfoys are the living image of concern once Delphini leaves. Harry Potter came by to take her to Azkaban, as he had promised. Now that she is gone, they are awash in fear. What if she puts the pieces together? What if she never comes back? What if their little bird flies through the web of lies they have so carefully built over the years?
"No, Draco. No. I mean it. You are all sworn to secrecy," Astoria's tone leaves no room for compromise, "You have found creative ways around the vow over the years, but you cannot tell her, directly, who her Father is, let alone discuss it openly."
"Astoria, we can find a way-"
"No. You've suffered enough during the war at the hands of Lord Voldemort, you will not suffer anymore now that he is dead and gone. I'll talk to her. I'm the only one that can explain everything to her."
Draco raises his eyes to her. To the amazing woman he is somehow married to, to the brave creature that stood by his side during the war and that chose to do it again after it. Even after she knew the truth to the girl they help raise, the daughter-sister-cousin of his that she took to the first time they met. That she will protect as fiercely as she would protect Scorpius.
He nods. There's not much to say, not much that Astoria will hear from him, and absolutely nothing that could change her mind about it.
"So tell me everything you can, without risking your life, please," she tells him as she sits down next to him, looking to his parents.
X
Azkaban, March 28th, 2013
This cold is different. It's not normal. Not the usual cold that comforts her and steadies her mind. Not the cold from reptilian scales she has grown to like. Oh no, this cold is deeper. Dark. Dangerous. Oppressing. She understands just how high is the price her Father pays. She understands the madness of her Mother, the madness of the others, the madness of Azkaban. She understands why her Uncle never speaks of this place.
How could you not do anything to feel alive after years of this? How would you not surrender to darkness when you've lived among shadows for so long? What wouldn't you do to erase the memory of the Dementors flying over and around you?
She is greeted by nothing but suspicious looks. Visitors are rare, rare sights here. Almost never allowed, certainly not to this wing. These wizards and witches are here for life, too guilty to be allowed anything but the mercy of the Dementor's Kiss, when their minds are too far gone.
They let her through with her wand, just in case the Dementors decide not to resist the urge to feed on a fresh mind, untarnished by these frozen wet walls. Auror Potter is not allowed past the last checkpoint. They extend her a quill and several pieces of parchment for her to sign. She does so mindlessly, while mouthing 'I'm sorry' to Potter, who has a veritable mountain of documents to sign.
She is escorted to a corridor. There is no sound other than their steps the whole way. She knows there are screams usually, she can feel them in the air, engraved and embedded in the walls, in the minds of the forgotten souls behind the heavy doors. The guard leaves her, nodding to the last cell on the right. She waits as his footsteps fade in the distance, and then takes a couple of steps towards her aim, stopping to cast her Patronus. It will keep watch, and bring whatever memory of warmth these people may have back, even if only for a while.
She approaches the door, looking through the barred opening at the top. He is there, standing very still, waiting. His eyes are delirious. One look into them and she knows he does not see her. He sees her Mother. Until reality, even if just a fragment, settles, and his eyes become disappointed. She is not her Mother. But his eyes do not see his daughter either. They are lost, frightened, haunted.
She approaches the bars, saying nothing. She stands there, just within reach of his bony hands, waiting for him to move, to speak, to come ashore from the waves of his delirium.
X
Her eyes are not her eyes. Her cheekbones aren't quite right. Her walk is not quite as luring as he remembers. Her smile not so cruel… Rodolphus has been begging the never ending nights to bring him his favourite dream for so long now, for so very long, that he fears he may have forgotten things about her. The things that made his Bella. His glorious, proud, beautiful Bellatrix. The one he knew in Hogwarts, the one he married. Is his mind so far gone? Have the spectres taken so much?
Suddenly, reality and realization are titans crashing through his mind. Wave after wave engulfs him, pulling him under, depriving him of all air, driving shear burning pain into his core.
This is not a dream.
This is not a nightmare.
This is his secret, back to haunt him. The girl has come. The Dark Lord's daughter.
No! No, no, no! Hide it, don't even think it! No one can know. Bella will kill you, He will do much worse… but they can't, can they? No, no, no! Do not betray them. You cannot fail now!
He struggles to keep the figments of his sanity together, hiding the cruel truth in that corner of his mind that the Dementors never see, that they have never seen. That shard of cold glass that goes straight through him, only him; that the world knows not of.
Because she is hers but not his. Oh no, just like her Mother this girl. Herself and His. But he promised. He will never tell.
He lunges forward, arms reaching in between the bars, a hunger in his fingers, a thirst in his blood, a despair in his eyes.
X
Delphini does not move, neither does she flinch. She saw it in his mind before he moved. She sees her Mother in his mind, only her.
And now she has what she has come for. Confirmation.
This is a broken man before her, with nothing but a broken mind to show her, but it is enough. She doesn't have to look for a crack to slither into, the walls around his mind have long been broken, they have crumbled to the floor and her own mind can simply breeze over them and into every nook and cranny and gather the remaining pieces.
She sees her Father. Not this broken man, not even when he was not broken but young and handsome the way old blood is.
Her Father. The Dark Lord. Both the feral, pale creature of crimson eyes, and the younger, handsome, beautiful man that exuded power in either form. There is liberty in that realization. She feels like her skin has shed, leaving behind something that fits her better, perfectly. She embraces it all as she roams his mind. As he roams her face and her curls with his fingers, touching what he sees of her Mother there.
He is off her as suddenly as before. He removes his hands fearfully, painfully, as if dropping burning embers. His hands, sullen and spent, moving towards his mouth, where he holds his fingers, as if that could stop the truth from travelling between them.
It is out in the open now, never spoken but ever free.
X
And he is terrified. He does not know this girl. He does not know where she has been. He knows nothing of the babe he left for a chance, however minute, of one last drink of that precious oasis in his mind, deep in his heart. He had got nothing but the destruction of a mirage, and a mouth full of sand, and a place here. And there is so much Bellatrix in her now that he can't help but be scared of the power this girl might hold over him. And there is so much Him in her now that he is truly terrified. He can feel her in his mind, and he rushes to put every single remaining piece of his walls up, to keep that from her. She can't know any of it.
X
But she already knows. She didn't need a crack into his mind, but she needs as much information from him as she can possibly obtain, because there will not be a second time. Oh no, she can see the terror in his eyes, her very presence within this cold rotting walls is driving him madder by the second. She dives into his dark coal pits of despair, keeping them on her pools of wet moss in the morning, the colour of hope to lure him in. When she has his full attention and no resistance, she gathers it all. And when she finds that last wall that will not give, she brings forth the crimson shade. Not the one she has known her entire life; the one in his shattered memories, the vengeful, raging red glare that commanded him for half his life. The wall crumbles and she rejoices in victory.
Her goal is met. Her confirmation obtained. She can be a merciful conqueror now. So she focuses on the image of a young beautiful Bellatrix in some social gathering, and mimics those features, changing her eyes to the steel grey she has always known to mean love.
X
He gasps. It's like coming up for air after a long, deep plunging swim into murky waters. His dream has come; his Bella is here, finally, after so many long cold nights. She is here and he is at peace, for the first time in his life in this miserable place. He is not afraid anymore. He knows that look in her eyes was never his, always his elusive mirage. But this is a dream and it does not matter.
Then the mirage fades. The girl emerges from it. Delphini. The one he swore to protect, and yet left behind without further thought. He wonders if she is here to put an end to him, for failing her that day, for failing her parents – Oh, Bella! My Lord, please forgive me! – for not keeping his oath.
"No, I cannot. Your life is not mine to take. But I would…"
He realizes they haven't talked until that moment. Her voice is like His, perfected, commanding. But there is a note of mercy there. Not pity. No, the daughter of Bellatrix Black would never pity a fallen soldier.
"I'm sorry." His voice is raspy, strained, unused. "You're not-" his voice cracks, faltering. What is she not? What is she?
"I know. You've shown me. I must go now. The Dementors will be back the moment my Patronus fades, but I will leave it behind for as long as it will stand." She takes a step back, turning on the spot, walking away. She could be Bella from where he sees her, watching her disappear with his face crammed between the bars. A blue-white shape comes forward, taking her place outside his door.
It stays there until late at night, as if comforting him. He watches it the entire time, basking in its warmth. Revelling in the assurance it provides. The girl knows happiness. His failure is not complete. He is still watching, although wavering in and out of sleep, when the bright panther goes up in white ethereal smoke. He immediately lets go of the bars, retreating to the furthest place of his cell, away from the door where the shadows gather to feed on what's left of his sanity, on the little peace he has gathered.
His dream is gone for good now. He has only nightmares left. But those walls in the very back of his mind will never falter again. Oh no, the girl knows the truth, but the spectres will never have it from him.
His thing to keep secret wasn't always the true origins of that girl. No. His biggest secret used to be far more dangerous to himself.
He had grown to hate his Master.
Oh, he went to Him willingly enough. The oldest son of a pureblood family fighting for the keeping of his ideals, fighting for a proper society. The oldest son who had known his entire life who his wife would one day be. The oldest daughter of Cygnus Black, the most alluring creature of an entire generation of witches. Bella knew it too. It wasn't love. It was an understanding about upholding family traditions and blood ties, about keeping their ground high up above the rest through their very blood. But he had hoped.
He had foolishly hoped that she could grow to love him as he already loved her. He had hoped he could claim her body first, then her mind and eventually her heart. They would be happy together, if only they had time to learn.
Fool!
Her body wasn't his to claim, it had already been taken by Him. Her mind was always her own, at least until Azkaban, but her will was always in agreeance with His. Her heart… her heart was non-existent according to some. But he had seen it, and it was His. Always.
He had nearly lost his mind one night. He was already barred from her body by then, Dark Lords do not share. But he had hoped that with the war over, she would give him a chance. Because love had nothing to do with providing an heir to the House of Lestrange and Bella would do her duty, he knew. And yet he would do his best to make her love him too. He would share.
They had spent the evening at Malfoy Manor, a gathering meant to reinforce ties to the Dark Lord. Bella's eyes had barely strayed from Him. Her body had leaned towards Him when He approached the Lestranges, hanging from every word. He saw it in her eyes for the first time then. Or he allowed himself to see it. She was in love with their Master, completely, and he didn't stand a chance of ever winning some of that. She would not be shared. He could see that then, clearly. There was nothing he could do, he understood that finally, to conquer her now. He had been beaten to it. Once more.
His mood had gone darker by the hour from then on. The Dark Lord retreated to his study with Abraxas, Cygnus and a few others and he saw how Bella followed him out of the room with her eyes. Pinning, craving, longing.
Lovingly.
They had left and he had sat in his own study at Lestrange Manor with no more company than a bottle of firewhiskey. That was the moment his mind started drifting into dangerous ground. He started loathing his Master, wondering if he could win her over if He was out of the picture. Wondering if he could remove Him.
The sound of her steps propelled him to action. She would still be wearing the same dress, that sinful piece of silk that clung to her adorable shape, but her hair would be down. She would have a slightly darker shade of red on her lips and black high heeled shoes that her hooded robes would conceal. And she would shed it all for Him.
He had stormed into the corridor, mumbling. Not moving towards Bellatrix but beyond her, so that he could reach Lord Voldemort first and win her over.
"Fool!" Her voice had stopped him dead on his tracks. He held his wand tighter and felt it warm up with his magic.
"I'm done being barred from my own wife! I'm done being barred from having a child with you! I'm claiming you back!"
"No! You are drunk! You can't even walk properly, Dolph, let alone think! I'm sorry, Dolph, I really am. I'm sorry you can't have me but I am His. And I will not allow you to turn on Him and get yourself killed over me."
Of course not. Bella would never allow him out of the house if he meant harm towards her Master. She would probably turn her wand on her own husband first. Who was he kidding? This was Bella, she would kill anyone for Him.
His precious Bella that would not see him die for anything but the Dark Lord's cause. Anything else would be seen as a waste of skill and magical blood.
She belonged to him completely and he was completely at her mercy. His wrath made him crave a fight, and blood, and violence.
But he was drunk. As he tried to lean on the wall for support, his hand had slipped and he had fallen to the floor. Unable to get up on his own, he sat there crying silently. Pitying himself, and what he could not have, and what he could not bring himself to do. He knew death was coming for him then. His Master would find his darkest thoughts and punish him for them. Lethally.
And then, Bella's hands were on his face.
"You are drunk, and hurt, and I'm sorry for you. But I will not let you die for this. I'll forget this and so will you. I need you, Dolph, you know I do. Don't leave me."
She had kissed him. Briefly, like a butterfly touches a flower while gathering its own nourishment; tenderly, like a mother on a child's forehead, reassuringly.
And just like that, they were back at Hogwarts. They were acquaintances that knew what was expected of them and so had drifted closer, getting to know each other. Getting to like each other. For a fleeting moment, it looked like they might even get to love one another. Until the Dark Lord had come into both their lives.
And just like that, he was back at home, watching the woman he loved, his wife for Merlin's sake, get up and walk away. She would still go to Him, willing as ever, leaving scorching marks on his heart with every step of hers.
She would keep his secret, and keep him alive for it.
So now he keeps her secret. Even if he couldn't keep her alive.
Author's Notes: Life has been hectic, and I struggled with writer's block for a while (even though the last two thousand words of this have been written since last year).
I do have this whole thing planned out… But, and this is a very large but, my writing schedule has been torn to pieces and I mostly write bits here and there, usually on notebooks and such, which means I then have to transcribe it and put it together, and make sure it makes sense through long hours of editing. I currently have eleven Word files with thousands of words written already, all concerning the next seven chapters of this fic, adding to one or the other as my muse sees fit. It's the in-betweens that get me. And my job, and my studying.
So all of this to say two things really: this story is not, and will not be, abandoned and left unfinished, but do not expect regular updates every ten days. I'll write whenever I can, as I can, and edit away on all my free time, and I will finish Birds become Dragons, and its side pieces as soon as possible. I have taken a break from the forum I joined, because my already stressed self couldn't handle even more deadlines, so if I do publish anything outside of this fic, it will be, undoubtedly, related fics.
An enormous thank you to those that kept reading and checking and reviewing through my absence. If you have a spare moment, please leave me your thoughts (you are allowed to admonish me for taking so long).
If you are into my side pieces for BbD, I've published 'The Nurturing of a Flower' and 'A Price for Happiness' since my last update, so check those out too.