Because of her

Chapter 10

Part 1

You know, I just realized that I never tell you about the good times. I know it may sound awkward and extremely dumb to tell you this, but in spite of everything, I had good times with Callie, even if she had a wife that I was aware of, still, the few months I spent with her were good to some extent ... whenever I forgot about her wife and the man lover.

It's easy to focus on the bad things, at some point they kept me away from her, remembering the bad helps overcome the one that has hurt you the most, I think I read that phrase somewhere, but the thing is that every time I try to focus on the negative of our relationship, there is always a positive memory that attacks in response, it's an endless battle between what was good and what I do not want it to continue to be because of the pain it causes me... The human being is masochistic by nature, don't fight me in that, just think about love and you will have your answer.

Things have escalated quickly and now everything is a mess, messier than it was, it has been almost a month since I last had any contact with Callie, she stopped calling over ten days ago, no messages, no voicemails, nor even a post on Instagram ... I literally don't know anything about her and it's killing me, I think not knowing is worse than knowing in this scenario.

I miss her, I really miss her and you can't judge me for it, you promised that you wouldn't, it's not a matter of selflove, it's a matter of wantonness.

Now I only have the memories and one of the most memorable is from our trip to Colombia, more specifically Cartagena, that city is something else, it's beautiful in any sense, even in its imperfections. On that trip I found myself more intrigued by her and her ways around others.

Here in Seattle, she is a business woman, always in business, but there, she was a pure humble woman, walking barefoot, with a loose white T-shirt and some shorts, no makeup on, no hair done...

I remember looking at her and thinking, "That's a view I could live with every day" and it scared me, the thought of being with her for years to come, not because commitment scared me, but because she was not mine to have, not really and the awful truth was that even if I knew all this for a fact, I decided to stay and fool myself thinking that I wouldn't fall for her, when in fact I was all the way down there already.

"What are you thinking so much over there?" Her voice was filled with playfulness as she watched me look at her with such longing ... for what? I didn't know for sure. "Arizona? What is it?" She asked again when I stayed silent. She looked so beautiful, there was a halo around her, she was radiant, as the sun caressed the parts of her exposed body from the balcony of our room at her hotel in Cartagena.

"Nothing, you just ..." I had to think twice before verbalizing what my mind was screaming at me, "You're beautiful." I finally let it out, I remember feeling foolish for some reason, that feeling that you wish you hadn't said anything, not because It wasn't true, but because it was true, but didn't want her to take advantage of my little slip.

I knew she was waiting, looking for the moment, the window to act and take advantage, I just knew it, by the way she looked at me in the pool of the hotel and as her hand rested on my waist when we took pictures when getting off the plane, as she deliberately got into my personal space to ask trivial things and kisses on the cheek, or should say kisses at the corner of my mouth, closer and closer to my lips... Of course, I knew what she was doing, every time she gave me that half-way smile, I knew exactly what she was doing and this time it was no different.

"Well, thank you, you're not bad yourself." We share a giggle at her charming mannerism, almost shyly, when she's not at all shy, like at all, that woman exudes confidence through her pores. She walked towards me and leaned over the sofa where I was sitting, her hands on either side of my arms, invading my personal space, trapping me in place, leaving me zero place to hide, that even if I wanted to, I couldn't. "I think it's time you get to know this place, care to join me for a walk around the city, Amor?" Her face was inches from mine, her perfume intoxicating me, I could feel my airways struggling to take air in.

"That would be lovely." But finally I managed to get it out and there was that smile again, her eyes kept shifting from my eyes to my lips and for a moment I thought she would do it, that she would kiss me, God knows that at that moment I pictured in my head and I would have let her, I could feel the attraction, the tension, the breathing, the desire. The desire that emanated from her and me at the same time.

But instead she looked down, took a deep breath, looked at me and smiled sweetly before leaning down and kissing my cheek for the millionth time that day, I closed my eyes and enjoyed her lips on my skin, wishing, imagining, longing that those same lips were in other parts of my body that by now were screaming out for their touch.

When she finally pulled away my breathing was heavy and the tension was thicker ... She knew what she was doing to me and it was getting harder and harder to keep pushing her away.

I didn't want her away thought, I wanted her close, above me preferably naked and panting my name, I wanted that from the moment my eyes met hers in that bar that night and that hasn't changed no matter how much I try saying the opposite.

She said she wanted me to live the whole experience of being in Cartagena and that meant using the very public transportation of the city, I looked at her like she was crazy when I realized she wasn't talking about taxis, but she was really being serious and I'm so grateful that she did.

We got on a bus that you take at a station, almost like going on the subway but in a bus, which travel the main streets of the city from station to station, they were so crewed and yet I didn't stop laughing while listening to her stories in this same city while growing up, everyone around us spoke Spanish, some even shouted, Callie said it was just the way of speaking, for me it seemed that they were in some kind of fight, but I couldn't really say, she laughed at me for it, she also said and I quote "If you really want to know a culture you must go up to one of these." Adding that one learns more in a bus than in expensive hotels and fancy beaches.

The bus we got in took us directly to the heart of the city, the main reason for the travelers who come to know this place, The walled Old Town.

The origins of The walled Old Town cemented there and forever venerated by those who know its cultural and more cruel history, when the exchange of slaves was still present and the moment when the rebellion came to liberate every bleeding and full of pain soul, that place became a reminder full of admiration for those who fought for the freedom of all.

What a beautiful place, people danced everywhere in traditional bass drum of the region, in one side was the walled old town and to the other side was the Great Bay, I even managed to see some sailors around with their white suit of honor on, by the time we finished the tour walking we could already see the sunset and the mixture of colors making contrast with the blue of the sea was glorious. I took hundreds of photos, I wanted this moment documented for years to come, but I didn't need it, each space traveled, each street walked on, each face seen, were forever etched in my memory.

At night we decided not to return to the hotel and just keep walking, we found a nice restaurant-bar where Callie introduced me to more typical foods of the region like the ones she prepared for me the night she asked me to make this trip, then we walked towards the rest of the bay until arriving at the nearby port, Callie said that there would be some kind of presentation and it was, women and men danced in synchrony, the people around them took pictures and clapped, the wind blew strongly but gave the sensation of serenity and enjoyment .

It was then that I risked a glance at her and noticed her wide smile, she looked like a little girl in a new and exciting place, as if she had never seen what was in front of her eyes, her expressive eyes shone with joy, swaying from side to side to the rhythm of Caribbean music, she was in her element ... she was so happy, purely happy and I was happy with her and for her.

Suddenly I felt the need to want to make her that happy all the time, at least as long as she was with me, because even when she was wearing her best confidence dress while around others, there was something there, in her eyes, something else aside from arrogance and smugness, she just wanted to be happy, plainly happy.

At the end of the show they started the fireworks in the best 4th of July style and the sight of her face was something incomparable to anything that I have seen before ... I was so smitten by her.

As if she knew what I was thinking, she connected her gaze with mine, smile never leaving her lips, she approached and leaned her forehead on mine, her hand on my hand, she then kissed me on the cheek and so I understood that this was her way of having intimate contact with me and still continue to respect the limits and terms that I imposed on her, I released her hand and I held her tight, I wanted her closeness, I wanted her contact, her hands on me , her breath on my neck, the safety of her embrace.

I couldn't contain myself anymore so I said, "I want to kiss you so bad." I felt her hug me harder, she tried to let go, but I didn't allow it and held her harder.

"Arizona ..." The way she says my name will always be my biggest weakness.

My legs were shaking and my heart was pounding, I repeated, "I really want to kiss you."

"Are you sure you want that? Because if I kiss you, I don't think I would be able to stop myself." She said in a whisper in my ear, I got out of our embrace and looked into her eyes," What about your terms?" She honestly asked.

"Fuck that, kiss me already, Calliope." I couldn't finish my statement completely when a pair of thick lips collided with mine and the feeling of belonging right there came back to me since that night we shared our first kiss. This time the kiss was delicate, measured, aware that we were in a fairly public place.

Oh but once we got to the hotel, she closed the door and immediately jumped in her arms, I kissed her with all the desire that I have been repressing for weeks, she pushed me against the wall nearby, her hands on either side of my head, holding me hostage with her body, my hands acted on their own, touching every part of her body that could reach, staying on the edge of her shorts, I wanted to put my hands inside those shorts and her panties and her to make her mine ... but I didn't do it.

We kissed for what seemed like hours until she took my lower lip between her teeth, then I had another kind of urgency, "Let's go to bed." I whispered in her mouth before kissing her one more time, I tried to move her towards the bed, but she didn't move. "Callie?" I asked puzzled.

I saw her take a deep breath before looking me in the eyes, "No." She finally answered, I frowned because there was no way that this woman who wanted to get into a bed with me from the start, is telling me ' No' now. I was ready to argue when she gave me another kiss to silence me and explain, "You doubted it, your hands hesitated to touch me, which means you have your doubts about me, about this."

Affected by her rejection, I acted defensive. "Yeah, well, can you blame me? All this is a lot to handle" I said referring to the whole issue of the wife and open marriage and everything else. I tried to run away, but she kept me in place. "You rejected me, twice with this one, do you know how that makes me feel?" I looked down almost embarrassed.

"Arizona," There was that tone of voice again. " Look at me, Arizona." She asked me and when I finally had the courage to look her in the eyes, she continued, "I know this is hard for you, it's an adjustment," I had to laugh at her poor use of words to describe our situation, "A big adjustment, that's why you have doubts and that's valid, your feelings are valid." She added quickly.

"That's why I can't have sex with you that way, not while you have doubts about me and being smitten by this city, because when ... look at me," she asked once more, "When that moment comes, I don't plan to just have sex with you. I am going to make love to you all night until all traces of doubt clear off your mind." I swallowed hard at that promise, the intensity of her gaze made me more eager for that moment to come, I took her shirt in my fists and wielded to contain me, but it was useless, she saw everything all over my face and the truth is that I didn't care.

"Now, I'm going to go to the shower because you did a number on me that I have to take care of." She leaned in and before our lips connected, she was already on her way to the bathroom. "Good night, Amor." Leaving me standing there at the wall with a real throbbing mess between my legs.

Arizona's experience in Cartagena was actually my own the first time I went to the city as an adult

Hopely I'll be posting part 2 tomorrow, thanks for reading guys.