Because of Her

Chapter 11

"Hey, can I sit here?" I looked up at the source of the question asked and of all the people I did not expect to see her, much less trying to strike up a conversation with me. It was not a secret to anyone that she didn't like me very much.

I looked at her with suspicion and ignored her request, she just she sat next to me. "What are you doing here, Aria? And what do you want?" My voice wasn't at all welcoming, was not in the mood to deal with another Torres woman right now.

"Hold your horses, Robbins." She said almost annoyed. "Can't sit on a bench in the park?" She was being sarcastic, so her as annoying as ever.

"There are a lot of benches here, go to another one of them and leave me alone." She of course ignored it.

"Okay, I know you and I do not get along that well, hell, I don't even like you."

"The feeling is totally mutual." I interrupted.

She giggled and continued, "But, I respect you enough as a professional, not like other people that I simply hate." She rolled her eyes, I assumed she was talking about someone close to her, I remember wondering who.

"I still don't understand what are you doing here talking to me or what you want from me?" I was ready to get up and leave, I didn't want to deal with this right now.

"I want to talk to you about my sister." And that was all she had to say to make me stand up and try to leave. "Robbins, wait!" Aria shouted, but I kept walking. "She's leaving her!" Her words, as she expected, I assume, made me stop abruptly.

The first time I heard her voice, she was on the phone with Callie, it seemed like an argument, Callie had the phone on speaker while I was cleaning myself in the bathroom, Callie didn't know I was listening, but I could clearly hear what they said.

"How long?" I heard her ask, her voice demanding and clearly frustrated or angry or upset or all at the same time, one thing was for sure, she was not happy.

"I don't know, the process is taking longer than expected, I need to be here and supervise everything more closely." Callie replied, she was exhausted, but she kept moving around the kitchen area ... She was making dinner for me.

"You've been saying that for the last three weeks, Callie, stop lying to me." She accused and with good reason, the process of opening Callie's hotel had already been completed two weeks ago and still she decided to stay in Seattle for a few more weeks

They both remained silent for a long minute, so much that I thought the conversation was over. "Sara, I need to stay here." Callie finally answered.

"Why? What are you doing or, rather, who are you doing in that freezing cold city?" Again the accusatory tone and I remember feeling embarrassed, because when looking at the bed in Callie's room, memories of our passionate love-making session passed through my mind.

"I'm not doing anyone, don't say it like that." Callie hissed at the other woman before continuing, "I don't understand what's wrong with you, I've been away much longer and never seemed to matter to you."

"Callie ... I ... I miss you." The other woman said on the phone, "And there's something I want to talk to you about, so please come home, so we can talk ... please Callie, I need you." Her soft voice in her request was different than when their conversation began.

Lately, Callie spent more and more time with me than in any other place or city, she always talked about the places she had to go but at the end of the day she never went and stayed with me in my apartment or vice versa instead, so it was not so surprising to hear Sara ... her wife ... ask her to come back to her ... it was painful, but not surprising.

And that's when I understood that I was making Sara, the other woman...

"What do you mean, she's leaving her? Leaving who?" I walked towards Aria, surprised at her words by all means.

"Who do you think? Sara!" Aria said sitting on the bench again, nodding to the spot where I was sitting seconds before hearing this news, I sat next to her again, but I didn't know what to say. "I cannot believe she's finally doing it."

I remained silent, a lot of thoughts flooding my mind, but always reaching the same resolution. "I made her the other woman, just like my mom was." I had never said those words out loud, but I felt they were true.

Aria looked at me confused and asked, "What do you mean?"

I swallowed hard before unveiling the secret of my parents' relationship, one that my mother still believes I know nothing about. "My father had an affair, it was what finally led them to divorce, my mother stayed there for way too long, enduring the unbearable until one day she took my brother and me away from him." I knew that my father wasn't a bad person, he just did something bad, but he hurt my mother with his actions. "I promised myself that I would never be in that situation, that I would not repeat my parents' mistakes and here I am ... I just ... I just never thought that I would be the cause of someone else's pain."

"Oh please!" Aria's reaction took me by surprise, I looked at her confused. "You cannot possibly think that Sara is a victim here, because she is not." She laughed sarcastically and went on, "She is just a selfish, upstart and ambitious woman, she doesn't deserve sympathy, in other words, she's a bitch!" To say that I was surprised to hear Aria talk about Callie's wife that way was an understatement. "And my sister is an idiot for letting herself be dragged by the mud just for her, it was about goddamn time for her to take off the blindfold and see that harpy for what she really is ... I hate her so much! And now she wants to give her child to Callie? Like, how can she even?"

Our first big fight was about children, hypothetical children, it was a while after we started having intimacy, I thought that being with her in that sense everything will be a little easier, but it wasn't, with it came more insecurities and questions without apparent response.

Jealousy and malicious comments came, even immature attitudes and behavior like me flirting with a women in front of Callie in a bar just to cause a reaction from her that never came, she kept saying "If that's what you want" She didn't even flinch and eventually I grow angry because of it ... how pathetic is that?

She always said she wasn't a jealous person, but I remembered her conversation with Nicolas and each time she denied it, it drove me crazy. Just as I wanted to make her jealous, I aroused those insecurities within myself, every time she left and didn't call right away or when she didn't respond to my messages, then the questions began, where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? Etcetera. It wasn't the question per se, it was how the question was made what irritated Callie thee most and she in response ignored me most of the time, saying, " I don't like being controlled." So she didn't give me any answer.

So that night of our big fight, I was irritated, I had been having some challenges in my line of work with some doctors who thought that by practicing medicine they are better than any other health professional out there, anyway, I was irritated, Callie canceled our lunch without further explanation, I tried to call her several times, but she never answered, so I decided to go to her place, but she wasn't there either and it was late at night.

I waited for an hour until finally she crossed the doors of the elevator all sweaty in sports clothes, I jumped at her right away. "Where the hell have you been? I tried to contact you all afternoon and you didn't answer." I was more than frustrated, more than with her, with myself for putting myself in this position.

Callie frowned at my tone of voice, "My phone is dead, I'm sorry." Her breathing was still panting, she went into the kitchen area and took a bottle of water from the fridge.

I somehow couldn't understand her answer, it seemed absurd. "Your phone died, are you kidding? And you sorry? Sorry it's not enough." I almost screamed and knew then that I had gain a reaction from her.

"Look, Arizona, I know you have this thing about answering the phone all the time, but I'm not like that, I forget about things, I lost track of time or I busy myself on other things, I have a job that it's not going to do itself, I cannot stand by the phone all the time waiting for you to write to me or call me just to answer immediately!" As she spoke her tone increased, she was exasperated, I could see it all over her tired face, but did I stop? No, of course I did not.

"I don't ask you to stand by your phone or to answer immediately, but at least respond so I won't leave me hanging and disappear for hours, I was worried." I argue her argument ... I remember the tension of the room going up further in that moment.

"Worried about what? That I'm going to go to a bar and bring a woman here or that I will simply leave town without saying a word?" Her words were close to home.

"How?" Those specific words ...

"I went to the Center to surprise you, you were talking to someone, a friend of yours I suppose, but how should I know that, oh right, because you have never introduced me to your friends." She reproached me under her breath, "I heard you tell her those exact words, that's why I canceled lunch." Callie began to take off her sneakers and sweaty T-shirt as she spoke.

Honestly, to this day I don't remember having that said conversation, but I guess it was probably Jo with whom I shared those thoughts that haunted me. "So instead of talking to me, you just disappeared." She didn't say anything so I continued. "That means your phone wasn't dead and you just ignored my calls and messages."

"No, Arizona, I'm not twelve, my phone was actually dead and I didn't have the charger in me. I just needed a space to calm down and think." She was in front of me in sports bra and waist-high tights. "What's going on with you and your thing about the phone?" She had her hands on her waist waiting for an answer.

"Oh my God! Because the main essence of having a phone is being able to be in touch all the time or at the right time, because of the what if." I tried to explain already frustrated.

"What if, what?" She shouted at me, frustrated too.

"I don't know, what if something bad happens to you or you have an emergency or I have an emergency and I need you? How about one day we have children and they have an emergency or something happens and you aren't available or don't answer the damn phone?" I listed the possibilities without noticing the can of worms that I had just opened.

"What are you talking about? What children?" Callie wore a confused face as if what I had just said made no sense or was the craziest thing I would have said.

"It's just a guess, hypothetically speaking." I tried to make it smaller than it was, but the truth is that I was waiting for an opportunity to talk to her about the subject ... I just didn't know it would be in the middle of a fight.

Callie laughed in my face at my comment and I remember feeling so small because it gave me the feeling that she was laughing at me. "No, nothing like that, no hypothetical children, no." She said firmly.

"Callie, can we -"

"No!" She interrupted me. "Stop, you have to stop any idea you're having because it's just not going to happen, Arizona and if you don't you'll end up hurting yourself." She said annoyed with the mere idea being contemplated in my head ... which it hurt, a lot.

"What are you talking about?" I tried to play it dumb but my eyes full of tears gave me away.

"I'm talking about you thinking about kids in the future or whatever, you have to stop because there will be no kids, ever, I don't want them." She said emphatically, she looked at me firmly as if daring to say otherwise.

"But what if I want them?" I asked weakly, my voice low and undecided. I didn't even know why I was fighting against it right that moment, it wasn't like I wanted to have babies right away, but I certainly wanted to know where Callie and I were on the subject ... Apparently, very far from each other.

Callie grunted in exasperation before answering, "Then you must find someone who wants to have them with you, because I don't." She never looked away and I just couldn't believe the venom with which she said those words to me.

"Now, that's just cruel, Callie, even for you." A tear finally rolled down my cheek.

"I'm sorry, Arizona, I'm just being honest with you." She said picking up her sneakers and heading to the bedroom. "There was a time when I wanted them, but then I got married and the thought of children just didn't fit anymore, Sara doesn't want children, Nicolas already has two -"

"So, what about me?" I asked loudly, making her stop in her tracks. "What? I just have to roll with the punches? Is that what awaits me in a relationship with you, Callie?" She didn't answer my questions and just stared at me with pity ... that was the last thing I needed nor wanted. "You're so full of yourself!" I was filled with rage, I cleaned my cheeks and took my things, I just needed to get out of there.

"You are full of yourself!" She yelled back. "I'm so sick of you trying to change me when you knew what you were getting into, you ask for honesty and when I do give it to you, you act like this, all hurt." she continued, anger in her eyes. "I don't get you, Arizona, I'm here with you, but it never seems to be enough, it's never enough and when you get mad and ask something to which I respond with total honesty you become this whining little child unable to take things like they are. I'm so sick of it! If you want to whine, fine, but don't wait for me to cuddle you because I'm not going to do it, you made your decision, so you better take it."

How dare she, how could she tell me such a thing? I remember feeling hurt, ignored, despondent, but more important, angry. "Screw you!" So I left.

A few weeks after that, she told me about having a baby with Sara, her wife.

Because of Her, because of her words, I knew how hurtful Callie can be when telling the truth, because it was... True … I made my decision.

It hurts, doesn't it? To have someone tell you the truth when in your heart you already knew it from the beginning? And it hurts even more when that someone, is the one you learned to love either way.

Clearly, we're on the darker part of the story. Why does Aria hate Sara so much? Is Callie really leaving her? And who did Arizona call after her talk with Sara? Don't tell me you forgot about that, because I haven't. all those questions will be answered soon enough

Fun fact, the sequence of that fight was what made me write the entire story.