Hi folks, I know I've been away for many weeks but stuff have happened, my grandma got sick and my mom was here with me, basically I was the chauffeur for anything they needed, work has also been complicated as I just started a research project and on top of all that I also started my training to be part of the Navy next year, so I have been busy here, but I promise that I will finish this story as soon as possible to finally focus my energy on finish Love in the Time of Cholera.

Thank you so much everyone for your patience and for keep on reading despite the delays, I appreciate it greatly. Some of the lyrics used in this chapter were from Perfect Places by Lorde and Before I Ever Met You by Banks.

I hope you enjoy this new deliver, since we're very close to discovering who Sara really is and what will be the final decision from both Callie and Arizona, so you cannot miss it.

Because of Her

Chapter 12

I wanted so much to know about her, to know how she was, where she was, still like me, there were other people who had the same questions, nobody knows where she is or where she has been or when she will return, if she ever does. As I sit here waiting, thinking, I just wanted to see her and say, let's kiss and then take off our clothes, let's go to perfect places, let's find perfect places and stay there, but where the fuck are perfect places anyway.

I once read "Loving someone strips you of your dignity" and I remember laughing so hard at such a toxic conception of what love was and wondering how could that be the right way to love, because for obvious reasons loving someone should not be a sign of weakness or dishonor or disrespect to yourself as a person. The author concluded that often love limited you to see, hear or understand the actions of you beloved, that we loving people allow so many things to take place, we stay, we cry, we hang, we forgive and again we stay, loving them, the loss of dignity and what take us there, it's what he called truly loving, he them went and asked, "Have you felt it? Because if not then you haven't really loved" at the time I didn't understand how that could be the version of love that he considered to be veracious, but today I would have given anything for someone to warn me that this would happen eventually, but then again I know deep down it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

It's easy for those who are behind the wall, outsiders, who consider that I don't have self-respect for myself, but I do have it and yet what I can't avoid or change is the way I feel towards her, all those things that I mentioned before that I wanted, I still want them with her, but I know I'm not going to do it, I know it's not going to happen ... That ship has sailed and sunk.

"Arizona?" I looked up at the call of my name and finally found the curious eyes I was waiting for, sitting outside in a small cafe shop downtown. "Are you okay there? Sorry I'm late, my flight was delayed." He excuses himself and sits in front of me, he orders a cappuccino and I realize that I have not said anything yet ... I guess I was mesmerized by the perfection that is his face. "Arizona?" Once again he called my name.

I finally shake up from my momentary reverie and smiled shyly, "I'm sorry, it's just that being face to face with you is something surreal." I answered as best I could, "That and the fact that you're pretty attractive." I winked at him and his smile was even more shocking ... What was happening with me and why was I there filtering with this man? That was far from my logical reasoning.

"You're also a very attractive woman, Arizona." He returned the wink with suspicion in his eyes, I felt my cheeks heat up, but I shook the feeling away. "I have to say I was very surprised by your call, it was definitely something I did not expect." He mentions while thanking the waitress for his coffee.

"You and me, both." I said sipping my coffee too. "But I guess I don't have anyone else to turn to about her, I think she needs help and something leads me to believe that she trusts you more than anyone else." It pains me to say that the woman I love and whom I'm never going to be with, have more confidence in this man than me. "She needs your help, Nicolas."

"What's he like?" I asked no malice in my question, just curiosity. She had me wrapped in her embrace from behind, we were in my kitchen, she had just arrived from a long day of meetings, but I had the day off, so I invited her to dinner at my place, when she got here kissed me on the cheek and hugged me from behind while telling me about her day ... it was when his name came to my consciousness.

"Who?" I could feel her inhale the perfume of my neck as she asked, her embrace growing stronger. "I missed you these days." She said while kissing me at the base of my neck, I could feel my skin bristling at her touch.

I smiled at her words. After our trip to Cartagena, she had to go on a trip for another three days and today is her first day back in Seattle ... with me. "I also missed you, but you haven't answered my question." She looked at me from behind, clear confusion on her face. "Nicolas, what's he like?" At my question, she narrowed her eyes and tilted her head as if pondering my question, whether it was serious or not.

"He's a great guy." I continued doing my task, her left hand still around my waist, "Why do you ask?"

"I'm just curious." I answered honestly; I remember laughing when she raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "I mean it, you always talk about him and the businesses you have together, never very detailed anything but small cuts of what is notoriously a great relationship of trust." I explained.

"Did you figure that out with your psychological skills?" My elbow connected with the center of her stomach as soon as the question left her lips, "Ouch! I take it back, I'm sorry." We laughed again and when we finally regained our composure she continued. "I don't talk so much about him, because I feel it may be uncomfortable for you, but if you want to know ..." She looked at me once more for confirmation, I nodded and she leaned over the kitchen counter crossing her arms. "I've known Nicolas for years, we've always been good friends, my parents even thought I'd marry him someday." At her admission my hands stopped, I looked at her in surprise and she smiled in response. "I may be bisexual, but I've never imagined myself married to a man, with no one in fact, until Sara came along and all that changed."

At the mention of her wife my countenance changed and I think she noticed it because quickly changed the focus of the conversation back to Nicolas. "He has always been there, telling me the truth, unapologetic; most people find me intimidating, but not him." She and I laughed at that comment, "He doesn't apologize, he doesn't give a shit about who I am and I'm basically his boss, he keeps me at bay, with my feet on the ground, if it had not been for him I might not be where I am today, professionally speaking."

I had to ask, I think you all imagine what my question would be. "How did you go from being friends to, well, whatever you guys are now?" I was looking directly at her and she at me.

"We had an on and off relationship, mainly because we didn't work as much as a couple, always in each other's throat, very similar temperaments, we realized that we worked better as just friends, business partners and occasional hook up, then he fell in love and got married and he had two beautiful daughters, all that while I was getting to know Sara, a few years later he divorced and I was marrying Sara, when Sara suggested the open marriage, everything kind of just went that way." She explained in more detail before ending saying, "He and I have an agreement, that we are going to stop at any time we want and continue to be good friends, which is basically what we are anyway ... I don't know, it's hard to explain."

I wiped my hands, approached her, placing my hands on each side of her hips. "No, it's not, I had one of those relationships once." She gave me a surprised look and I had to smile. "Yes, Callie, I've had it, even though I'm not in contact with her anymore, she left because of her work." I told her as I leaned over to give her a chaste kiss on the lips. "Now, dinner will be in about twenty minutes, do you want to check Netflix for a movie that interests us both this time?" I ask remembering that the last movie being about superheroes, don't get me wrong, I like it my superhero doses as much as the next person, but enough is enough.

"Funny you say that, because Bird Box is finally available." She mentioned with enthusiasm, she has been waiting for the premiere for weeks.

I smiled at her mannerism, "Ok then let's go." Before I could take a step away from her, she wrapped me in her arms again, my chest crashing against her chest.

"We'll do that, but first, I want this." The next thing I knew, her lips were on mine, one hand around my waist and the other on my neck keeping me there for what seemed like hours, her tongue invaded my mouth and I gladly let her take control, my hands naturally went around her neck, effectively joining our bodies even more, my leg between her legs and hers between mine, which I could feel very well through the delicate fabric of my shorts, I remember her strong grip on my blonde hair that made me want her even more, the air was scarce, my lungs were widening looking for oxygen and even so I didn't want to stop kissing her with such intensity, she bit my lower lip and I felt my legs become weak letting out a guttural moan from the base of my throat, I could literally feel her smile through the kiss, she knew what she was doing to me and although incredibly unfair, I didn't want stop, I didn't want her to ever stop.

I wanted her so much

I still do

"Still do what?" I must have said that out loud, Nicolas was looking at me confused.

I shook my head as if trying to erase those memories, as if I could ever do it. "Nothing, don't worry about it." He didn't look entirely convinced, but didn't say anything else. "You were saying something ..."

"Oh yes, I was telling you that I'm not sure how much information I can expose about Callie and her delicate marriage situation and how it is directly related to her business." He explained what I guess he was saying while I once again took a walk to the train of memories.

"It's okay, Nicolas, I don't want to know." I assured him with sincerity. "I just want to know that she will have a person in her corner," I said almost with concern. "Sara, her wife, doesn't seem to be someone that should be taken lightly."

Nicolas laughed dryly, as if what I said was just an understatement, the tip of the iceberg. "She is not someone to take lightly, you're correct." Nicolas says as he repositions in his chair in front of me, his body language giving me the impression that he was not a big fan of Callie's wife either. just like Aria. "She wasn't like that at the beginning, you know? She changed and in the process Callie changed as well. Aria said she saw it coming, but I don't know, I suppose I should have seen it, after all, I am her best friend, right?" His deviant look and sad smile let me see something there ... maybe guilt?

I decided not to wave in the impressions that he gave me with his comments and body language, so I didn't ask anything else regarding what he just said. "Do you know where she is? Aria told me she has not seen or heard from her for weeks."

"You still love her, don't you?" Nicolas asked and I could feel my cheeks blush one more time, my heart beating against my chest. "Don't worry, you're neither the first nor the last to do it, she's just like that, there's something about her that makes you fickle, be deliverable, something that pulls you towards her," He paused and took in my reaction to his words. "The point is Arizona, it doesn't matter how much you love her if she doesn't feel the same for you, I've seen girls and guys fall at her feet as if she were some kind of unreachable goddess and each time she only looked over her shoulder at them... figuratively, of course." We shared a short laugh. "But ..." Nicolas continued, "When she loves you back you will feel like that unattainable reaches the palms of your hands and you will want to treasure it forever and never let it go, you'd be an idiot if you let it go. I have seen her love and she loves hard but I've also seen her love and fail." He looked away from me, which gave me a sense of instability and so I wonder who did Callie love so much and failed to get them to love her back?

Could he be referring to himself or perhaps Callie's wife? I wish I could have an answer to these questions someday.

"Nicolas -" before I could say anything, he interrupted me.

"She's here in Seattle, she's been here for days, she said she wanted to give you your space and leave you alone because that's what you wanted, but now that I talk to you I'm not so sure that's what you want, Am I wrong, Arizona?" His question took me by surprise somehow, he knew it, he knew everything and still he was here talking to me ... Callie was here. "I know for a fact that she wants to see you, the question is, do you want to go see her?"

To see her again, despite everything, was what I wanted the most, I was hurt and angry and sad and yet all I could think about was to see her again, just for a moment and be able to tell her so many things, that may not make a difference because as I said before ... that ship has sailed and sank ... there is no going back and yet here I am sitting in front of who is one of her partners no less and I like him, I even think I might have a little crush on him of all men and yet I'm still contemplating going to see her.

Her, who has kissed me in so many ways I didn't even know I could be kissed,

Her, who taught me that my heart could love so hard and feel so much pain at the same time,

Her, who has broken me in so many ways that I didn't even know I could be broken

My hands were sweaty and my heart was pounding against my ribcage, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, then I got up and looked him straight in the eyes with all the confidence I could muster and answered ... "No, I don't want to."