I had drank myself silly. So silly in fact that my guards forced me to go home. I was practically dragged. I had wanted to go into the woods to wrestle a bear or something dangerous. I missed that boy more than ever. However, my pain was beginning to dull from giving him away. This is what pissed me off. I was supposed to feel bad about giving away my child like that, just like every parent should! The only difference between everyone else and I is that I am a warrior and I take hits and I move on. That is what I am supposed to do. Damn you Rome! This is your fault!
Right now I was fighting the urge to cry. Why I felt like doing that, I do not know. Only females cry. I am no female. I am a warrior who has spilled much blood from my foes so this should be no different. Though I do not think my heart, brain, or spirit agree with that. My doctor tells me that if I don't stop acting in this way that my humors will get unbalanced. I do not care. I looked over at the man who was assigned to make sure I don't leave my room.
"Audo, do you think I hurt my child? More importantly, do you think I will ever get over this? I believe he hates me. You should have seen his face when I didn't come to the rescue. I betrayed him. That is the worst thing a parent could do to their child."
"You did what was best for him sir, I'm sure he'll get over it. I do believe you are gradually getting over this decision you made. I believe you did the right thing. I would have done the same with my child."
"You have no idea how much self control it took to not go back on my decision. He saw me give them money to take him away. Heard me tell them to. I remember the day I first saw him. He wouldn't come out from under that small blanket he was under. He was so tiny I could hold him with only one hand without even trying. He was so innocent. Then as I raised him, I saw him grow and I saw him begin to love my lifestyle. That's why I needed to send him away. He loves fighting. He doesn't fight himself, but he loves to see it. Seeing him in the lion pit was the last straw for me. I knew I had to do something. I shouldn't have named him. Berhta was right. If you name something, you will become attached to it. And I, like an idiot, ignored her." I knew I was rambling but it was helping me feel better.
…
I shot up out of my blanket, crying. I don't remember what was in my dream but it was terrifying. Something about being hunted by wolves. I was surprised when other people started waking. I hid under my blanket they'd given me, hoping to let them all continue sleeping.
I was picked up and I felt them wrap their arms around me. "What's wrong Gilbert?" I looked up at them.
"I'm sorry for waking you. It was just a dream." I said.
"Was it a nightmare?" I blushed and laid my head on his chest.
"Yes. I'm sorry. I know I'm supposed to be a brave warrior but… sometimes things seem scary and I forget."
"Shush. There's no need for violence child." They whispered. "You can be brave if you want." I felt them brush my hair out of my face before kissing my forehead. I felt myself falling back to sleep again. "You can sleep with me." He said, laying down with me in his arms. I snuggled up to his chest as I fell back to sleep.