Still Sans POV.
warning about my 8 year old humor
Sans knocked on the door to the lab, shifting on his feet.
Storm was sitting right on one of his slippers. Why he wore slippers in snow he didn't know.
The doors slid open, making Storm jump.
"Who is i- Sans? Is something wrong?" Alphys looked like she just crawled out of bed, the gray fur on her muzzle ruffled. She scratched at her cheek.
"Hi. I've got somethin' for ya." Sans handed the letter to her.
Alphys took it nervously.
"Oh? Umm… hold on a sec."
Alphys retreated back into the lab, and a few seconds later Sans heard what suspiciously sounded like a chainsaw.
Then, a minute later, she returned with eyes rounder than gumdrops.
Sans blinked lazily.
"What. Cat got your tongue?" Sans glared at one of her many demonic balls of fur that was strolling around the lab.
"Um… its just… this is so sudden, gosh… I never knew you wrote like that… though I wouldn't put it past you, I guess." Alphys laughed nervously.
"Huh?" Sans looked back at the lizard.
"The letter, I-I… you know what, y-yes! I-I'll do it! I'll g-go on a date with you!"
"What?"
"I just need to get ready, hold on."
Alphys retreated back into her lab once more, leaving Sans standing in a very confused state.
"Date? What? I never… wait…" Sans looked down at Storm. If he weren't crazy he'd think the kitten looked amused.
"Undyne set me up. That b-"
Storm meowed loudly just as the curse fell off his tongue.
"-and now I have to… I don't wanna say anything now, she looked excited… uuuuggggghhhh…. Wait." Sans looked up thoughtfully.
"Maybe… if Frisk sees me with Alphys, I can figure out if… how she feels… I guess my skull isn't so empty after all, eh?"
Storm had his head tilted quizzically.
"It's not like imma try to deny it anymore. I'm done with that. Too much effort. This can be practice. Of something that's never going to happen because I am going to be forever alone! Un- OW!" Sans jumped as pain pricked up him leg.
Storm had batted his leg with his tiny, thorn-sharp claws.
"You little shit." Sans growled. "If Frisk wouldn't kill me I'd kill you and make me some stir fry."
Storm was slightly vibrating.
Sans wondered if he wanted to go inside.
Oh well. Too bad.
Alphys returned wearing a rather… revealing polka dot dress with a heavy metal device wrapped around her arm, a single red light blinking slowly. It was probably to help regulate her temperature.
Sans felt a slight burn in his cheeks.
This was awkward.
Anything. To deal with this problem of mine. Sans shook himself.
"So, um, before we start, I wanted to g-give you s-some… stuff… to increase your… affection stat?"
"If it's alcohol gimme. Just don't tell Frisk." Sans was sure Storm would claw him again.
He was only mildly joking.
"Sans, stop it." Alphys chuckled dryly. She didn't find it as funny as he did. "I've got something much healthier. Something like… snow proof cream for your… scales…" Alphys pulled out a tub. Sans raised a brow.
"Um, not that, um… how about some hair… no, not that… I've also got this, it's a-" Alphys pulled out a box.
Sans burst out laughing, so badly he fell over due to his knee. Storm had to scramble out of the way.
It was a strap on wenis toy for women.
Presumably.
Alphys went tomato red.
"A… not anything you need… why is that here?" Alphys tossed it into the snow behind her.
Sans couldn't stop laughing, and his rib cage hurt.
Whenever he felt like it was over images crept into his mind that prevented him from doing so. The snow burned and his knee was killing him but it was worth it.
"S-Sans, are you o-okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, m'fine… heh." Sans wiped tears from his face and sat up.
"… just forget the items… now… I think I know a place we can go! The garbage dump!"
"… that's your idea of a date?"
Alphys looked around awkwardly.
"…yes…"
"Whatever." He'd have to post pictures. Unless Frisk happened to be hanging around the garbage dump.
And so they went.
The garbage dump was long frozen over and it's use had been ceased because of this. There was a ton of garbage strewn about, but there was some pretty neat stuff that fell from above ground. Like some… not Papyrus appropriate movies.
Sans chuckled at the memory.
He'd have to troll Frisk into watching it.
With him in the other room. He wouldn't be able to be anywhere near her with that crap playing.
Storm shot him a glare.
Dayum, cats smart. For a cat. Cats are stupid. Sans stuck his tongue out at the cat.
Storm's eyes remained fixed on him, and it almost looked like they were bulging out of his head.
They finally stopped in front of a frozen Waterfall.
There was a few moments of awkward silence. Sans stuck his hands in his pockets.
This wasn't helping.
Alphys finally spoke up.
"…so… y-you like anime, right?" She asked.
"Some." Sans scratched his forehead.
"Y-yeah! Me too… you know this, though…" Alphys shuffled, fidgeting.
Storm was sliding on the ice. Sans was nervous the kitten would be stupid enough to fall down a hole or something.
"… what ab-"
"HEY!" A voice called.
Sans stiffened.
Undyne.
"Oh no! It's Undyne! She can't… see me… I've gotta hide!" Alphys ran behind a pile of garbage behind him.
Just in time to avoid a running, panicked looking fish.
"Sans! Thank god." She puffed, slowing down. "I just realized it would be a really, really bad idea if Frisk… wait, did you do it? Please tell me you didn't deliver it! That would be ten times worse!"
"Do you want the truthful answer or the happy answer."
"DAMMIT!" She stomped the ground, and the ice splintered under her foot.
"Where Is she?"
"…dunno." Sans figured that Alphys hiding signified that she didn't want to be found.
"Shit! I thought I heard her, I'm gonna look around here! Plus, I have a feeling you're lying. Cause you're a dick."
"I'm not denying." Sans watched as Undyne ran to look at the opposite end of the dump.
Sans turned as soon as she was out of sight.
"... I guess it's obvious, huh." Alphys crawled out.
"Yup."
"I… I like her…"
"Ya like a lot of people."
"I-I know! It's just… you know. From back… a while ago… I thought that… maybe you still… felt the way you used too, and I… I don't. I would feel really, really bad, a-"
"I didn't write it."
"Y-you didn't? Thank god!"
"Hey! I'm not that ugly, am I? Anyways, jokes aside… yeah, I don't. Sorry."
Sans remembered dark days down in the lab, where some days Alphys was the only living thing he saw. He knew any feelings he had developed down there were just fragile, situational things and in the end, though he had made so many stupid choices in his life he had at least made one smart one.
"Then… why'd you accept?"
Sans looked away.
"Cause… please don't get upset, I wanted to… practice. For someone."
"Oh. So we're in the same boat. That was part of my reason too.
"…" Sans didn't know how to feel. Normally he was the player.
The player has been played.
"But… Sans, how will I ever tell her?" Alphys's voice grew sad.
"Huh?" Sans snapped out of his thoughts.
"About… you know… the truth. I… I don't think I can… I don't know what's better. A life of lies where one is happy or a life of truth where no one is?"
Sans closed his eyes.
"Your asking me? The one notorious for making bad choices? Heh… really, it's up to you. The truth hurts, yeah, but it's over fast. Lies eat away at ya, slowly. I… I found that it isn't all that bad to let go sometimes… with someone you trust. It's like a splinter. It hurts and you don't want to pull it out, but if you go through the pain it will feel a hella lot better. If you don't, it will get infected and gradually get worse. If that makes sense."
Alphys was quiet for a moment.
"…yeah, it does."
"…so. Why do you like Undyne?" Sans tried to ease off the tension.
"… well… she's really strong, and passionate! A-and, she's really kind too, and she never gives up! And… she has the best butt! Like, I just wanna-" Alphys did a motion with her hands.
Sans leaned back a little, exchanging looks with Storm.
That got weird fast.
"And her boobs are so well rounded and perfect!"
"WHAT?"
Undyne ran into the clearing at the best or worst time, he couldn't tell.
Alphys froze.
"…"
"…" Sans felt a bead of sweat run down his skull.
Welp.
"…h-hi, Undyne…"
"…who were you talking about, Alphys?" Undyne's eyes were round.
Alphys was sweating profusely.
"W-w-well, y-you see, I-"
"She was just saying your booty has its own zip code! She likes you! You like her! You're welcome!"
Sans took a step back.
Sweet old silence.
"…Al?"
"U-u-ummm, U-Undyne, I-I…" Alphys shot him a betrayed glance.
"…tell me the truth Al…"
"… I… well… I do like you… and… those comics, they… they're all fake! Anime isn't real! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
Is that the truth she was talking about? It's Undyne fault if she's stupid enough to think that stuffs real. Sans crossed his arms.
"Al, I don't care about that! I didn't hand out with you just for that! I like you too, cause your passionate! You give 100% into the things you care about! You're such a nerd and I love it!"
Sans looked away and rubbed his nose hole.
This was disgusting.
"R-really?"
"HELL YEAH!"
Undyne ran at Alphys and grabbed her, grinding her knuckles into her head.
"Hold on, imma go home and get something! STAY HERE, NERD!"
Undyne ran off just as fast as she came, whooping.
Alphys was smiling the biggest smile she ever smiled.
"…I'm sorry you had to see that." She rubbed her cheek.
Sans shrugged.
"I'm sorry I saw that too."
"… so… who do you like?"
Red lights.
"…" Sans looked away, his turn to be nervous.
"… it's Frisk, isn't it."
"No."
"Sans, y-you silly goose! We all know it!" Alphys laughed.
"… she's got a better butt that Undyne." Storm's head whipped around to glare at him.
"…she does not!"
"She does too."
"…I think you two would be cute…" Alphys wasn't arguing.
Sans didn't know if it was denial or acceptance.
"…"
"I never thought you could b-be so shy! You're blushing! Awww…"
"Tell no one or I slit your throat and open a Chinese restaurant in your lab."
"Awwwww. You should go for it!"
"No."
"HEY AL!" Undyne called from probably ten miles away.
"Imma go. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Bye."
Sans picked up the kitten and left before she could say a word.
He made sure to stop outside of Alphys's lab before going home to… pick something up.
…
(Frisk POV)
Frisk groaned and rubbed her eyes.
She felt a little better…
The blanket she was wrapped in was nice and warm, but it didn't compare to the cozy chair by the fire, cuddled up against Sans…
Frisk shook her head.
Weird.
She sat up, scratching her leg with her other foot.
"Hey, Frisk, something's wrong with Storm!"
"Huh?" Frisk immediately woke up, all feelings of tiredness out the window.
Storm came hobbling in with something strapped to his back. He did not look please.
Frisk squinted and looked closer.
It was a…
It was a purple penis.
A purple, toy penis.
"SANS!"
Hysterical laughter erupted from the kitchen as Frisk set on saving her poor kitten from this trauma.
When she got it unstrapped she made sure to beat Sans with it.
…
Frisk nearly doubled over after hearing about Sans adventures with Alphys.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes." Sans rubbed a spot on his skull where a bruise had formed. Served him right for torturing her poor baby kitty.
Storm was currently in her lap as she sat on the couch, Sans on the other side. Storm kept staring at Sans with big round eyes.
Frisk stroked the kitten. He let out a soft, tumbling purr.
"What the hell did Undyne write!" Frisk asked.
Scratch that, she didn't want to know.
"I dunno. Probably something real bad. But now they're together. So…" Sans was looking at her expectantly. Scanning her face for something.
Frisk shook herself.
"So at least that's done. And Undyne let you go in one piece. Question though. Why the hell did you let Alphys go on as long as you did?"
"UM." Sans looked away, bothered by something.
Frisk leaned in a little closer, intrigued.
"I… didn't want her to… get upset."
Frisk smirked.
"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard from you. Do you like her?"
"No! I said I'm not interested." Sans waved his hand. "I've got my eyes on someone else?"
"Who?"
"None of your business."
"Yes it's my business. You're my best friend. Besties tell each other everything."
"One- I never said I was your best friend. Two- you don't tell me shit. Like how you're on your period right now. I respect your privacy so I'd like it if you'd respect mine."
"…how'd you know?"
"Those pants need a wash."
Frisk felt her cheeks burn.
Well that's embarrassing.
"…I hate you."
"I didn't make you go into your monthly, don't blame me." Sans giggled a little. "But, eh, if you don't mind, do you have your eyes on someone yourself?"
"Huh? Me?"
Sans rolled his eyes.
"No, the cat."
"Very funny." Frisk huffed. "No. Not really. Getting through life in one piece has been my priority thus far. Besides, I wouldn't known if I do like someone or not. I'm not too good with the love life yet."
"I've noticed." Sans grumbled.
Frisk wondered why he seemed a little frustrated.
She ignored it and sat back, letting Storm bite her hand playfully.
"I hope she's not going to notice the… wait, she was going to give Undyne a sex toy?" Frisk cringed.
"Eeeeewwww…"
"Monsters aren't as restricted with sex as humans are, remember. Because they don't have to worry about accidents and some other… issues. Plus, remember we reach sexual maturity a little earlier. Undyne lost it when she was 14."
"How does that not surprise me." Frisk didn't like talking about this. How Sans could not feel awkward she didn't know.
"I know, right? Surprisingly she lost it before I did. Because I haven't yet. As much as you may not believe."
"Tmi. I don't need to know this."
"Yes you do."
"Why? Am I taking a test? Is this life knowledge that will benefit me? Is the fact you are still a virgin going to save my life one day?"
Sans snorted.
"Maybe. You never know, Snap Pea, you never know."
"… are you gay?"
Sans doubled over.
"WHAT?"
Frisk started laughing.
"I am not gay! I'm straighter than the pole that Undyne dances on! I like my women." Sans shuddered a little.
From which thought she didn't know.
"Undyne probably pole dances. And guess what. Maybe she's teaching Papyrus too." Frisk giggled.
Sans stiffened.
"… I will burn her alive if she corrupts my b-"
Sans's phone started ringing mind sentence, cutting him off.
Sans pulled it out of his pocket and answered.
"Hello? Paps? What?" Frisk pricked an ear to listen and shuffled a little closer.
"I was just with Undyne and Alphys! They are a couple now!"
"Yeah, I know."
"But Alphys…. Said some things that bother me. I think you should visit her lab. Now."
"Huh? Why?"
"Because, as you like to put it. Only good can come out of this, I'm sure!"
Papyrus hung up before Sans could respond.
Frisk felt a chill go down her spine.
Why did this feel so…
Sans turned his phone off and turned to her.
"Welp. What should we do?"
"I… we should go." Frisk saw a flash of white in the corner of her eye as her soul wolf-Snow- decided to show up. Her form was transparent and glowing as she looked back at Frisk with wise green eyes.
Looked like this would be important.
"If you insist, I'll pry my lazy ass off this couch again for something stupid."
Frisk shot him a serious glance.
"I really feel like we should go." Frisk urged. "I've got a feeling…"
"alright. Let's go. After you change your pants, at least. I assume you want to."
"Yeah…" Frisk tried to shake off her embarrassment and hurried up the stairs.
…
The lab was gloomy and quiet. Most of Alphys's cats were sleeping or looked on with narrowed, glowing eyes as they entered.
"Al? Hey, Al?" Sans called.
His voice echoed with no response.
Frisk looked around, ears twitching.
A piece of paper caught her eye. It was right in front of the elevator that lead down to Alphys's fur lab and some other floor.
Frisk approached it and picked the paper off the floor.
The handwriting was extremely messy, and hard to read.
Sans peaked over her shoulder.
To anyone who is concerned-
I've made so many mistakes. Some of them below this floor. I think it's time I face those
Mistakes and start fixing what I've made… if I do something stupid…
Go down to the basement floor using this elevator. Be careful.
I'm done running.
Frisk felt a tinge of fear.
Something stupid?
"…I see what Paps meant." Sans was frowning.
"… you don't think she means…"
"Look, she said if. I'm sure she's fine. We should still check up, but I'm sure she's fine." Sans eyes fixed on the elevator.
Frisk swallowed and approached it.
It slid open slowly.
"Basement… is that this one?" Frisk pointed at a faded, scratched button. It looked like someone took a knife and hashed out the label.
"Yeah." Sans nodded as he entered.
Frisk pressed the button and watched as the doors closed.
Her heart was beating fast.
Why?
The elevator groaned and began moving.
Sans leaned on the wall beside her, his hands in his pockets.
Frisk took a deep breath and let his presence calm her down.
It was fine.
Everything was fine.
Every breath felt like an hour, the groaning of the elevator drowning out her thoughts.
An acrid smell hit her nose.
Frisk straightened, sniffing the air.
It didn't smell right…
"What's up, Puppo?" Sans asked.
"It… something's… something smells bad." Frisk looked around nervously.
As she did so the elevator stopped with a crunch.
Sans stiffened beside her.
"…that didn't sound…"
There was a snap, followed by another.
Frisk moved a little closer to Sans, officially terrified.
The train crash played in her mind.
"Sans? Why is it doing that?" Frisk asked, voice shaking. Another snap.
Sans's eyes were darting around the elevator. It felt so small and crammed now.
"I don't know. It's okay, calm down, I'm sure it's just jammed. It'll fix." Sans placed his arm over her back in a calming gesture.
Frisk's throat felt tight.
Suddenly, the lights went out.
Then a red light followed by an unbearably loud alarm showed up.
Frisk yelped and covered her ears, legs shaking.
Then it felt like the ground disappeared beneath her feet, and Sans was only able to let out a single warning yell before they were Falling.
There was a crash and everything went black.
XD omg why did I do that I've been in such a perverted mood since I've watched the duck suck chica video (don't ask, if you're curious go over to DA or look it up on YouTube)
I think I'm the only person in the world who can brag about having a story where a living, alcoholic skeleton gets beat by a purple strap on adult toy.
Lel.
I have a feeling the jokes in this chapter went a bit too far but whatever.
Also, a little peak at some past events!
Anyways, I'm sorry for the delay on last chapter, fanfiction wasn't letting me upload documents. It was supposed to be our Saturday. So to make up for it you've got this abomination! Yay!
Now time to go slave away on Springheart.
From the wolf in the mountains,
Comycat~