HELLSING CHRONICLES
For Whom the Bell Rings-Christmas Carolers
DianaPrince31
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing
"Sir Integra, I request a week or so for some vacation" Walter said one morning in early December. Integra looked up from her paperwork. "Walter, with all these vacations you're taking, I'm beginning to think that you're secretly working for another family."
"The last vacation I had was two years ago."
"Very well, Walter you may have a vacation. I'll manage somehow."
"Just don't hire shirtless Calvin Klein models again. I do not want a bunch of half naked men in here."
"They weren't half naked, they were completely nude and they weren't men." Yep Walter needed a vacation. The first couple of days were quiet, then one evening Integra heard singing- rather bad singing. "Where the hell is that coming from?" She went downstairs and saw her front door open and outside stood a group of people singing Christmas carols and Seras stood there like an idiot listening to them. Integra stormed over and roared; "Either shut up and get off my property or learn how to piss through your ears!" The carolers chose to run.
"Sir! They were singing…"
"When you pay the bloody heat bill, then you can leave every damn door in this house open, until then, the doors stay closed!"
A day later more carolers rang the door bell and Seras wanted to hear them sing. "Please Sir, just a couple of songs."
"No, I can't concentrate on my work with all that noise."
"But you're not even working, you're playing PacMan!"
"And the difference is?"
"Where's your Christmas spirit?"
"Just tell those clowns that if they don't leave I will come down there and pull their assholes out through their mouths."
Seras left the office to relay the message, unbeknownst to her, Integra followed to see what she would actually do. It turned out Seras was not good with threats. "The owner of the house says to kindly leave or…."
"Seras that is not how it's done. Let me show you the proper way." Turning to the all-female group of carolers, Integra snarled; "Leave my damn property or you will be able to piss and shit out of the same hole!" The carolers gasped at such violence and then ran for the hills. Seras was sad to see them go. Her boss really needed the Christmas spirit. Pip saw the incidents and felt sorry for Seras. So one morning he and some of the Wild Geese stood outside her room and sang Christmas carols. This woke up Alucard, who was not happy and he went to Integra's office, lay down on the floor in front of her desk and fell asleep after complaining; "Those idiotic mercenaries are keeping me awake with their singing Christmas songs." Integra first went to the storage and got a large bucket, then proceeded to the kitchen and broke every single egg she could find into the bucket. The commander also poured every condiment into the bucket as well, ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard; all of it. She then went to the basement and tossed the contents over the heads of the singing mercs. "Any more damn carols and I will pull your voice boxes out through your ass! Now clean this mess up!"
When Walter returned, he noticed a large sign on the front gates that read: "All idiots who want to stand at my front door and sing Christmas carols are welcome, however I will not be held responsible for the likely possibility that you will have your voice box tied in a knot and yanked out of your piss hole!"
Chapter End