FOOD FIGHT

A Hellsing Fanfic

Sapphirewyren

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing

Just like weapons, food was an important factor at the Hellsing Manor. The chefs prepared every meal in advance, so that the master of the house ate like royalty. But the soldiers and the Wild Geese mercenaries also ate well, not glop on a tin tray like in the movies or that jerky that came from a store, but a good, hot, nutritious meal, which the Wild Geese always seemed to want more helpings.

Seras loved eating dinner with the Wild Geese, much better than she had with the Hellsing soldiers. The mercenaries could be loud and rowdy, but they were fun loving, friendly and told tales and jokes. It was like eating with a large family made up of big brothers and Seras wouldn't have it any other way. Today was no different; the men were picking on Pip today. One merc threw a pea at Pip.

"Hey! Who threw that?"

The mercenaries pointed at each other and said; "He did!"

"Fine, be that way!"

Pip then picked up some carrot slices and threw them at several soldiers. Of course they had to retaliate and threw some more food at their boss. One guy went as far as taking a gravy boat and poured its contents over Pip's head. Meanwhile Seras was trying to get the men to calm down. "Ummm guys, please don't throw food…Sir Integra will get angry…." But they paid her no mind and a full-on food fight ensued. Drinks splashing onto the men and food and dishware went flying through the air. Seras knew this would not end well.

As Integra and Walter walked past the barracks eating hall, they could hear the loud yelling of the men. "Are they always this boisterous at meal times?" questioned Integra.

"Usually they are loud, but not like this" was the butler's answer. Integra decided to investigate the noise. When she and Walter opened the doors to the mess hall, they had to dodge a baked potato flying at torpedo speed. Needless to say, Integra was pissed and Walter stuck his fingers in his ears waiting for his boss to yell at the Wild Geese. But Integra didn't do that; she just stood there watching the idiocy. After a couple of moments, several mercenaries noticed their employer watching them. "Oh shit! The boss lady is here!" Every man dropped whatever foodstuff was in their hand. The place looked like a food tornado had passed through. Every person in the room was either wearing his own meal or someone else's on his person. All of this Integra took in before taking out a thin cigar and lit it. After a few slow drags of it, the director said in a dangerously low voice; "Can someone please tell me what is going on here?" No one answered, they were too scared. Walter could just see his boss' blood pressure rising. "You know what I see?" said Integra after no one responded. "I see a bunch of grown men, who are not only highly immature, but are also very ungrateful. I give you food and this is how you repay me." The mercenaries looked down cast. "Since you don't want to act like grown men, I am going to punish you like children. No one is to leave here until this place is spotless!" Some of the Wild Geese headed towards the utility closet to get some cleaning supplies.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Just going to get a mop, Sir…"

"No, you won't need that. What you morons were so callously throwing at each other was food and food is meant to be eaten. So that is exactly what you will be doing, eating every scrap of food." The Wild Geese groaned, while Pip said; "Sir Integra, that's…"

"What? Disgusting? Gross? Do I look like I care? You will not waste any of this food!"

So under the icy glare of their employer, the Wild Geese ate the food from their fight, more like gagged it down. Several hours later, they were done, but Integra was not.

"From now on, you will buy and prepare your own meals. I will no longer be giving you anything to eat. And your pay will be docked until I get the full value of the meal you all just wasted." With that the director left and when she was gone, Seras came out of her hiding place, the utility closet.

Chapter End

Author's Note: I got the idea of the punishment partly from an episode of One Piece and my own twisted imagination.