A/N: Oh my god, I know I've been so slack but my new job is exhausting me lol
I wasn't completely slacking... I did write some M rated material for Maddie hahahha
But seriously, Jenna messaged me today 'I don't want to be one of those people but can you update?' lol so instead of thinking about it but feeling too tired, I made myself write.
Enjoy :)
Reasonable Doubt – Chapter Fifteen
Erin POV
"Jen, I need you."
"Erin…" I tilt my head, watching her look around for prying eyes.
"Please Jen, on the down low. I'll pay you. You're not exclusive to this firm." I'm practically begging as I follow her out of sight.
"No but they won't be happy with me." I heave a sigh, rolling my eyes.
"Do I have any of the senior partners in my corner?"
"Only one."
"They don't have to know. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important." I see her bite her lip before she nods towards to the elevator.
"More private." I smirk at her before following her down to street level.
"You know my usual rates."
"Wouldn't have it anyway else… except maybe free." Come my good-natured quip.
"What do you need?"
"I found this in discovery." I hand her the file anxiously, practically feeling my heart beat out of my chest.
"Oh my god. Is it…?" I shrug as she trails off.
"I don't know. But I need you to do some digging."
"On it."
"And I'll send you some information about a possible witness I'm trying to track down."
"Got it, I'll find her."
"Do you still have your connection in the lab?" She's jotting notes down in her phone.
"Yeah, I'll see if I can get a sneak at the results."
"I need more." Her eyes meet mine, turning sympathetic.
"You really love him, huh?"
"Guilty." I shrug, feeling the tug of a smirk.
"It's your money." I roll my eyes before laughing.
"Look into Pat and Will Halstead."
"As viable suspects?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Yeah."
"Anything else?"
"See what you can dig up on the victim. She was keeping a secret and it could be the key to this whole thing."
"This is important to you isn't it? I've never seen you like this before."
"Yes." I whisper trying to keep my composure.
"He's that important to you?"
"Yes."
"Be careful Erin."
"I know, I know."
"I know, you know, but it doesn't mean you're thinking clearly about the ramifications."
"Jay? Where are you?" I frown as I enter the apartment, pulling my phone from my pocket to dial Jay's number.
My frown deepens as I reach his voicemail, worry gnawing at me.
I jump when my phone rings in my hand, disappointed when it's not Jay's name on the caller ID.
"Jen, you got anything?" I'm glaring at the couch Jay should still be planted on.
"Not yet but I thought you'd want to know your boys here."
"My boy? Where?" I'm half listening as I tear through the rest of the apartment.
"Jay. District 21."
"What the fuck?" I growl out as I slam my front door behind me.
"Where the hell is Jay Halstead?" It takes all my self restraint not to strangle the officer behind the desk.
"I'm sorry mam?"
"Cut the bullshit. My client. Where is he?" My glare is fierce, hands slamming on the counter.
"Who?" I grit my teeth.
"Jay. Halstead. He was brought in for questioning without my knowledge, without his attorney present and if I'm not in front of him in the next 60 seconds, I'm coming after you and every officer involved for denying his rights."
"One minute mam."
"Are you deaf? I just gave you a minute." He blinks at me in shock before picking up his phone to make a call. I roll my eyes before turning and waltzing back to where the interrogation rooms are.
"Mam, you can't go back there."
"Like hell I can't."
"Erin, over here!" I turn to see Jen indicating to a room, I nod in thanks before storming in.
"What the hell is going on?" The words are harsh and spilling from my mouth as I push the door open.
"We're questioning our murder suspect."
"Why the hell wasn't I notified?" I lean down close, hand resting on the table.
"It was on our list to put a call in." Our eyes narrow as we stare each other down.
"Bullshit. I want to be alone with my god damn client right now."
"You are welcome to sit in on the questioning, we haven't been going long." He shrugs turning back to Jay.
"Jay, did you ask for your lawyer?"
"Yes, I don't make that mistake twice."
"Great, then everything you have is inadmissible anyway. It's worth shit, so get the hell out." They exchange a look before moving to stand.
"Oh, and you better hope none of his stitches pulled during your little hand cuff and escort downtown show, because we'll bring a suit to the CPD and I don't think they can handle any more bad press right now."
I sink in the chair opposite Jay as the door shuts.
"Assholes."
"Thank god you're here."
"You okay?" I whisper, searching his face.
"Yeah. What the hell is this about?"
"My best guess would be an intimidation tactic and to see if you would take a deal. That your injury would urge you to reconsider spending life behind bars."
"So that was a complete waste of time."
"I told ya. That's the whole criminal justice system for you. Your tax dollars at work."
"So where'd you run off to before?" I look over at Jay settling on the couch and know the subject I least want has arrived.
"To see one of the investigators from the firm." I lick my lips nervously, ringing my hands nervously.
"Why you so nervous?" My eyes glance up in shock.
"I now you Erin, and your nervous ticks. What's going on?" I nod slowly, struggling to find the words.
"I thought you couldn't use their resources." Jay gives me a temorary reprieve.
"She's freelance so I'm free to hire her."
"How much is that?"
"Don't worry about it." I shake my head, rubbing my forehead desperately trying to rid me of this headache.
"That much huh?"
"We need her." Is my only response.
"What did you find?"
"Jay…this is going to be hard to hear."
"Tell me." I search his eyes before nodding softly, tears already filling my eyes.
"I was looking through the ME's report, and I found…"
"What?"
"Allie was pregnant when she died Jay."
I see the tears filling Jays eyes as he processes the new information, watching life as he knows it crash down.
I can imagine the life flashing through his eyes, an alternative life he never had the chance to have. Fate swooping in and taking the decision from them both.
He drops his eyes to his hands and I can only watch as he thinks of the life stolen from him.
The swell of her stomach, the immense joy when he welcomes the bundle of life into the world, flailing arms, first steps, riding a bike, the sullen teenager who fights against the dad jokes, all the while biting back a smile, with Allie watching on. Her perfect life, her perfect family.
The thought is like a stab in my heart, shame fills me when I realize Jay deserved that life, not this one. Even if it would have meant me giving up my happiness, giving up on the only man I'll ever love.
It's selfish but sometimes I wonder if this nightmare was fate stepping in, bringing two lost souls together.
I'd trade my chance at this life, for him to have had it with the girl stolen from his heart too soon.
"So that's what she meant that night? The conversation I couldn't make sense of… the one Will couldn't?" I sigh in relief that Jay has finally said a word, the time passing too slowly while he processes and mourns the news I've shared, shattering his world.
"I would imagine so." My voice is soft, feeling uncomfortable and searching for my place with this news so fresh.
"What don't you want to tell me?"
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me."
"I'm not, I just… I hated having to tell you this." The lie pains me, but not as much as the truth. Tears burn my eyes as his shoulders slump and his blue eyes show he's swimming in pain.
In order to defend him I need to take these liberties, betrayal's an ugly word but one I'm sure he'll later use to describe me.
I'm not just fighting for his life, but mine too – because he is my life.
"You okay?" He takes me hand, rubbing it softly.
"Me? I'm fine. I'm worried about you." It's only part lie, I am worried for him. But I'm far from fine, lying to the man I love.
I swallow harshly knowing one day the look of love shining in his eyes when he gazes as me, will slip away.
"You're face looks so worried. Let me take some of this off you." He tugs on my hand, bringing me into his side and placing a kiss on my forehead.
My heart shatters from guilt, his smell helping my resolve knowing keeping him from prison is the only thing that matters.
"Jay, you've just been delivered with terrible news. The rest is minor in comparison."
I hear Jay enter the room quietly but don't look up from what I'm doing, busying myself from his sad eyes about his ex, and distracting myself from focusing on the moves I'm making to keep him out of prison.
"What are you doing?"
"This is your room." I shrug as I finish making the bed, turning to put clothes away in the drawers.
"What? Did I do something? Did something happen?"
"No Jay, we're fine." I turn to him, hating the pain in his eyes.
"Is it about the pregnancy?"
"God no." I close the distance between us, leading him over to the bed.
"Then what?"
"This is just for appearance sake… and you know. If we're ever asked - yes we have separate bedrooms."
"You've lost me."
"The ethics board. I could be disbarred for sleeping with a client. With everyone turning against us, either now or when the trial gets… messy then I wouldn't put it past your family to suggest publicly that we're dating."
"Oh."
"Anyone can use this to ruin us. Your case. Your future. Our future. So in case it happens the story is simple. You can't afford rent because the good state of Illinois is dragging your name through the mud and you can't find work. I'm all into justice so I took time off to fight your case, and letting your crash here in assistance."
"Okay." I can tell the word is automatic, his brain still processing.
"No more affection in public okay? Or hell, in front of your brother. Okay? And I hope to god we never get subpoenaed. I never should have been so careless, I got caught up in a whirlwind." I curse at myself for losing my clarity.
"It's serious?"
"Yes. It does however work in your benefit should you be found guilty." I turn back towards the clothes when his hand grabs mine.
"What are you talking about?"
"If you're convicted, maybe one day my visits to see you aren't enough. You'll report me for sleeping with you during your trial, and that I was ineffective council, I was distracted… and I compromised your defense. You'll demand a new trial and I'll get disbarred. Hypothetically."
"I would never." I look into his eyes and see the truth shining so bright, his moral compass too good to ever betray me.
"I believe you. I wish I had your moral compass." My hand caresses his chest.
"You do." If only you knew.
"I might actually want you to do that if you're convicted and our appeal doesn't work." I whisper, stepping further into his embrace.
"Don't think like that Erin."
"I can't help it."
"I worry about you if we lose." He cups my cheek bringing my lips to his gently.
"What do you mean?"
"That you'll blame yourself because you're in charge of the defense and you'll question what you did wrong, what you should have done differently…"
"What are you suggesting?"
"I can find a new lawyer if you need me to."
"No. I need to do this Jay. I've got this." His eyes search mine for what feels like eternity.
"Okay. I love you."
"I love you too." I whisper against his lips.
A/N: Hope you liked!
Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts, also if you can shout out what story I should update next :)
thank you,
Lexi