HELLSING CHRONICLES

Marriage Counseling

Sapphirewyren

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing

Author's Note: I found a couple of stories that I wrote some time ago, but did not type up, so here is the first of a few.

Integra had no idea why these two decided that she was the resident expert on marriage. The last time she checked she was not married her unless it was without her knowing. Then where was the damn ring? Just recently two soldiers had gotten married and even though Integra was pretty much against it due to the complications that being a married Hellsing soldier could bring. She allowed them to get married. What can you say? The heart wants what the heart wants. The heart was brainless, so what does it know? So here she was in her office with the happily married newlyweds. Well the looks on their faces didn't look happy.

Ben and Stella Bentley had been arguing over children. Ben wanted a lot of children and Stella didn't want any children.

"I want little versions of us running around" said Ben. Stella looked around; "You think Sir Hellsing is running a daycare center?" Integra liked her.

"You know, I was thinking that we could buy a house."

"And then every time a vampire shows up, Sir Hellsing has to call us? That's a waste of time."

Integra really liked this woman.

"You could stay with the kids…"

"We already discussed this; I am NOT going to be a housewife. I joined this organization because I loved my country and want to protect it."

Integra was beginning to fall in love with this woman.

"And you expect me stay home?"

"You want kids, so why not?"

"Well you won't get pregnant! You take birth control pills and after morning pills like they are Skittles! I even tried hiding them from you!"

"Of course, I do!"

This was actually pretty interesting, actually it was entertaining. This must be what reality television was, but raw and unscripted, without the bad acting.

"You see what I have to deal with?" both Ben and Stella asked at the same time.

"Cute" drawled Integra. "Let me start by saying this; you two have proven me right when I say that marriage is overrated."

"Our marriage is fine, she just doesn't want any children" exclaimed Ben.

"And why should she? In my opinion, as the husband, you have no right to demand that she have children. When it comes to making children, the only thing you have to do is and excuse my crude language; fuck her and go. She is basically your drive through window, your dumping ground, drop your pole in her hole, I could go on, but it just gets worse. I'm sure you get my meaning."

The shocked soldiers nodded, who knew that their virgin boss could think up such dirty things? Integra continued; "Stella on the other hand would spend nine months of a complete life style change. For the first three months she'll probably puke up every meal she eats. The body aches, the cravings, the hormones, the getting wider and the numerous doctor's appointments. Also there are the stares, the idiots who would ask to touch her belly like it's some kind of pet and the whiny husband who bitches because his wife can't have sex with him, when she gets too round. So Ben unless you are willing to grow a womb and rent it for nine months to a growing child, I think it only fair for Stella to decide if she wants to get pregnant."

"But men can't get pregnant" said Ben.

"How convenient" said Stella. "Well neither will I."

Ben wasn't happy about Stella's decision, but he decided that he loved her too much to risk their new marriage on arguing any more about it. The only thing he could do is hope in the future Stella would change her mind. Stella on the other hand was glad that Integra saw her point of view. And Integra enjoyed the look on both of their faces when she handed them the bill for the session.

Chapter End