NOT SO FANTASTIC FANTASIES AND WHERE TO SHOVE THEM

A Hellsing FanFic

Sapphirewyren

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing

It is normal for people to have fantasies, everyone did. They were not all the same; some fantasized about being a celebrity or being a mob boss or going to a magical school where one could learn magical spells, provided they survived the monsters. Most of these fantasies were kept secret and many people would never know that those close to them could have such fantasies. Walter's fantasy was a simple one; he fantasized about being the master of the house. He was not nececeraily the commander of the Hellsing Organization in these fantasies, but he was in charge. Integra was the butler; he couldn't really see her as a maid, in a maid's uniform. She was a competent and efficient butler, not lazy or a slack-off. He would demand something such as a cup of tea and Integra would make one, just the way he liked it. Walter never told anyone about this fantasy because he knew what Integra's reaction would be and it wouldn't be a good one. The fantasy was much better when Integra was out of her office, most likely at a meeting that was when Walter would sit in the chair at Integra's desk and live out the fantasy. He happened to be doing that at this moment, when a voice asked; "Walter, what are you doing?" The butler started and glaring at the owner of the voice, he said; "You nearly gave me a heart attack, Alucard!"

"So what were you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything, so get out!"

"You're sitting at my Master's desk and you know she doesn't like it when anyone but her sits there."

"Ok, ok, I'm getting up, happy now?"

"You wouldn't happen to be having that fantasy again would you?" A grin appeared on the vampire's face.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Alucard."

"I think you do. You know the fantasy where Integra is the butler and you're in charge…"

"I have no such fantasies, is there something in the blood you're drinking?"

The grin grew wider; "I wonder what my master would think of such fantasies."

"You wouldn't."

"Why not? Does my master not deserve to know what her employees are thinking?"

"Well maybe I'll just tell her, I caught you rifling through her underwear."

"Now that is low, Walter, seeing as that is not true."

The butler smirked; "Isn't it? Who is Sir Integra going to believe? Her loyal butler or her pet that is known to do stupid things on a daily basis?"

Alucard growled; "Have it our way, Walter" and he disappeared through the wall. Walter breathed a sigh of relief, he knew he dodged a bullet, but that same bullet was going to come back to hit him in the ass sometime soon, but right now, his fantasy was safe.

For the last couple of days, Integra noticed some strange behavior between Alucard and Walter. Whenever they were in the same room, they would glare at each other or make some snide remarks about fantasies and underwear. She had a feeling this had something to do with her, but what exactly was it? Maybe she was over thinking it or the two were behaving stupid because they were males. Integra finally gave up giving two craps about their little fight, as long as they were doing their job. As the heiress made her way to the office, Alucard appeared in front of her, which earned him a punch in the mouth because Integra hated when he did that. When he was finished receiving his beating, the vampire said; "Master, there is something I must show you."

"What is it?"

"Follow me." As they walked Integra noticed that they were headed towards Alucard's room.

"I swear, if this is another Seras can actually fit into a suitcase prank gain, I'm going to knock you into next Sunday, Alucard."

"It's nothing like that, even though you have to admit that was funny."

"No, I don't."

In Alucard's room there was something Integra never seen before; a large oval mirror, Integra looked bored; "Is this is what you wanted to show me?"

"Yes, but that's not all. Alucard touched the mirror's surface and it rippled for a few seconds before showing an image of Integra's office needless to say, the director was not happy, "So you can peep in my office, great to know privacy is sacred in this place."

"It's not you that I was watching."

"Well who else could possibly in my office?"

Soon the answer came as Walter entered the room and he looked around to make sure that Integra wasn't around, he sat down in the chair and pretended to be master of the house, telling Integra to get him a cup of tea or to tell him the weather for that evening. The vampire and commander watched for several minutes before Integra asked; "How long has this been going on?"

"For several months."

"And you tell me now?!"

"Walter said that he would tell you that I have been looking through your underwear."

"Have you been looking through my underwear?"

"Of course not, Master."

"Good. Time to go and crush his dreams. I just hope his hands are not down his pants."

Alucard decided that it would be great to surprise Walter and he would hear the door opening, but not a portal. So vampire and commander walked through an inky black portal. Once in the office, Integra sat on the edge of the desk in time to hear Walter 'order' her to get the newspaper.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Sir Dornez?"

"As a matter of fact…" Walter slowly opened his eyes when he heard Integra's voice. First he saw the face of a pissed off Integra, and then he saw the grinning face of Alucard, who had given up trying to hold in his laughter. The butler froze, he had been caught and the look on his boss' face certainly didn't want to hear excuses. Walter got up from the chair while mumbling his apologies. Integra tilted her head and said; "You never cease to amaze me, Walter. I'm not sure if this is a fault in your character or if senility is having its way with you."

"It won't happen again, Sir."

"I could care less if you have your little pervy fantasies, just as long as you don't do it in my chair!"

After that Walter decided that it was best just to keep any fantasy locked up because they were only trouble and at his age, he didn't need that.

Chapter End