Hellsing Chronicles
DianaPrince31
Ch. 29: Distractions, Distractions
Author's Note: I do not own Hellsing.
This fic was inspired by Ness Frost's31 Days of Crackfest- go read it, good stuff there.
Alucard was being annoying again; he was always annoying when he was bored. Right now Alucard was bored. He poked a thin finger in Integra's cheek trying to get her attention.
"Don't do that, Alucard."
"Master, I am hungry, can I have some of your blood?"
"Go bother Walter!"
"I want you to pay attention to me."
"Go away, Alucard, I'm busy."
"You're always busy, Master."
"This organization is not going to run itself."
"Yes it will."
"No, it won't."
"Yes it will."
It went on like this for several minutes until Integra got angry: "GET OUT ALUCARD!" When the vampire left, it was quiet, but Integra was left with a splitting headache. Since she was no longer able to do any work, Integra headed to the library and plopped down in one of the large armchairs. The heiress' eyes wandered lazily over the spines of the books and a slim paperback wedged tightly between two large tomes caught her eye. The book was blue with yellow lettering on it; entitled When You're all out of Stakes: How to Distract a Vampire. Integra didn't remember buying the book, but perhaps Walter did at the request of someone in the manor. Integra flipped through the pages until she saw something that peaked her interest.
There will be a time when one is ill-equipped to face a vampire in battle, so always carry with you a bag or bottle of rice, dried beans or even beads. When you come face to face with the bloodsucker, scatter the contents on the ground and see how the vampire will not be able to resist the urge to count and organize them. While they are counting the contents, flee for your life until you have a chance to come back and kill them.
Integra nearly laughed out loud, it seemed ridiculous, but what if it worked? It couldn't hurt to try. So Integra went to an art supplies store and bought up their supplies of beads. The next evening Alucard was being annoying again.
"I'm bored, Master. There are no vampires to kill."
"Go away Alucard."
"Pay attention to me." Alucard took Integra's pen.
"Give me back my pen, I'm busy."
"No."
Integra was not really interested in the pen; for as she was talking to the childish vampire, she was slowly pushing the large jar of beads towards the end of her desk until it fell with a loud clatter. This got Alucard's attention, whose eyes widened at the sight of red and black beads, scattered all over the floor. He forgot about the pen and knelt down and began counting the beads. It was strange seeing Alucard who stood so tall and proudly now hunched over counting beads on the floor. But it had worked, the vampire king was distracted counting beads and Integra could get some work done.
From now on, whenever Alucard got bored and decided that bothering his master was a good idea, Integra dropped a bottle and Alucard would stop to pick up and count the beads. It was also a useful distraction for Seras as well if she started talking to Integra about 'girly stuff'. Integra smiled to herself, now all she had to do was think of a way to distract the Round Table.
Chapter End
Author's Note: I read somewhere about Vampires counting rice or dried beans, I never got around to writing the fic until now thanks to Ness Frost 31. I hope you enjoyed.