67
Ianto clambered up without the need for stealth, Sean totally zoned out as he stared across the village. Up here in the crow's nest above the water tank, he was supposed to be on watch but clearly like Billy had said, after taking every night shift for the week he was asleep on his feet at his post.
Ianto considered then settled beside him to take the watch and let him sleep.
It was about four hours later that he stirred, sat up and looked around blearily, focusing on the silent figure framed in the window by the moonlight.
"Poppy?"
"It's me" Ianto said softly, without emotion "Poppy is gone."
"Yeah, so is Liam." Sean choked out as he scrubbed at his whiskered face, apparently not shaving any more either "I killed him."
Ianto couldn't stop the soft sigh "Yes. Yes. You tied him in there and he was superglued to the seat, under your mind control. Not a fully grown man who could have said no. Right."
"Don't talk about him like that" Sean snarled.
"You've taken the night shift each night this week then worked down in the Farm all day. Did it not occur to you that your body needed sleep? The only fuel what you drink?" Ianto was angry now, swinging to stare at him and Sean felt a cold finger slide up his spine as Ianto's' eyes shone from the dark silhouette.
"They need their rest. Preparing for the birthdays…"
"Ah yes. The time of some of the birthdays is here, the quarterly celebration that will include all of those either side of the month as well as during. Yes." Ianto stated down at him, seeming to grow taller and Sean told himself it was a trick of the light "Your daughter. Destiny, remember her? The about to be seven year old daughter?"
"Exactly" Sean grumped "her birthday, her time. She doesn't need me there dirtying up the celebration, the huge elephant in the room. The child killer. She doesn't…"
Sean found himself dangling out of the lookout by his throat, his feet kicking feebly agonist the wooden framework as he clutched at Ianto's wrist. He was gasping for air like a fish out of water as Ianto shook him as if a rag doll "is this what you want?"
Sean struggled some more then Ianto swung him back in and Sean shot to the middle of the room to stand panting with shock. "What the hell!"
"Well? Thought you wanted it, you seem to seek it" Ianto swung to face him "Acting like you are already dead, just need to dig the hole next to him first. Eh?"
"Fuck you!" Sean spat.
"Fuck you first baby killer."
Sean went still, his fists balling up and he ran at Ianto who slapped him hard, letting him bounce off the wall. "That all you got killer?"
Sean struggled up and an again, this time Ianto catching him in his arms and easily controlling him as he struggled and raged.
"Finished?"
Sean panted, slumped and spent as he nodded. Ianto released him and he fell to his knees "You know Sean, we can do this every day. Over and over and over if this is what you want. Your penance is to live a groundhog day where you wake to the knowledge you killed your son so you insure everyone else or you can get up and look around at that is still here. When Liam was working for, what he wants for his baby sister. He will not marry, will not mate. No babies for Clara from him but Destiny … so well named. What about her. She lost her brother, must she lose her father too?"
"I know" Sean sighed "I can't shake it…like… a weight."
"You don't. You learn to live under it. You carry it, you live with it and you continue to move forward dragging g it even as it hobbles you and bows your back." Ianto reached out and took his bother's shoulder in his grip "Sean. Teach. Learn. Do not give up. Of all things … would Liam want this?"
"No"
"There ya go" Ianto sighed. "I don't like this either. You think I don't need you too? You're my brother, I need you. I am lost too. I could no save them, I lost them too. I failed. I hurt, I flail about in y dreams screaming their names and … I need my brother."
"Yeah" Sean took a deep breath "Sorry."
"Don't say sorry …say that you will try harder to ether get over it or live with it because sooner or later you will realize the later is the truth." Ianto pated his shoulder as he released it "You woke up one day to find the sky is red and the grass of blue and we are all speaking a foreign language. Its horrible scary and you are totally alone. You will still live. You will adapt and learn to talk, to understand even if it's not quite right and in time you will accept that the blue sky and green grass you loved it gone. Forever. The world is gone, you must live in this one now."
"But I will remember" Sean nodded as he saw the lesson "I will mourn but also have the memory."
If you die so does that part of him" Ianto saw that he had it now "You live for him. You survive. OK?"
"Yeah" Sean snorted softly "You were really gonna drop me were you?"
"Of course not" Ianto lied. "Never crossed my mind."
Gods, his hormones screamed to kill something.