T for swearing. Political, but very light.
California was having a wonderful day. His headphones were in, so he couldn't hear the rest of the states, and better yet he was listening to odes of pure beauty. California was one of the most beautiful states, and there was much content dedicated to him. He lived in his own little bubble.
It was a good thing he couldn't hear the other states, because right now they were having an argument about him.
"Okay, okay, and I get that— really, I do! But look at California!" Texas said.
Another day, another political argument.
New York casted a glance at California, took just a moment to look disgusted with everything about him, and then calmly cleared her face of any emotion. "He looks happy," New York said.
"Yeah, and I'm surprised. He's got a constant homeless problem, and he's on fire." Nevada pitched in— a true traitor.
"I know, right? You're not even happy after sending people to other states," South Carolina muttered. Nevada stayed in his blue lane after that.
Everybody gradually began to chip in their opinions about California.
Texas naturally didn't like him. Washington blatantly told California to go fuck himself. Colorado was a whole lot nicer about it and just said, "You don't need to come around so much, buddy. Go to a different state."
Everybody seemed to direct their opinion at California as if he would respond. California was still in a catatonic state of pure bliss and didn't notice any of their somewhat harsh words, and even if he did he wouldn't have cared.
America eventually unlocked the door. He didn't live here— he would never want to— but sometimes on his way home he would check on them. The states were still arguing, as they usually did in the evening, so America wasn't too surprised. What he was surprised to hear was that the argument was about California.
"Okay, okay, okay. We don't need to talk badly about our fellow states," America chided.
"Fuck you! Mind your own business!"
America was, of course, the federal representation of the country. He wasn't a state and over half of the states didn't like him at any given time.
The argument continued with America just patiently listening to both sides. On one side there were the general blue states who either said, "Yeah, California kinda sucks but at least he actually contributes something to this country other than shame" or "I'm sure hell is better than living in a red state." On the other side were the general red states who all said some variation of, "California is an overpriced shithole that brings disgrace to the union, and we don't need 14.6% of our economy" or "I'm sure living in California is better than living in Mississippi". It was pretty back-and-forth with everybody bringing up the same points they had the whole time.
Swing states, and general 'yeah either one is fine just please fuck someone take care of me' states, such as Florida, seemed neutral, if not very aggressively so; these states tended to say, "Well, California is nice to visit," or bring the attention to back to themselves.
California wandered to the kitchen, shoved his phone into his pocket, and went to the fridge. He pulled out a cup of yogurt and an avocado, poured himself some orange juice, and sat down to a less-than-stellar dinner. The other states continued to argue.
Finally America said, "Okay, okay. I have a solution."
The other states, who were somewhat tired anyway, finally quieted down.
"We just ask California what he thinks. No one is going to know California better than a Californian, right?"
At least five of the states didn't really agree with this sentiment, but they went along with it anyway. Before anyone else could ask California in a respectful manner, Texas had already gone over and pounded California on the back half-way to bruising.
California took out his headphones, reluctant to stop listening to the choir that had once sung about him. "What is it, dude?" California asked, as good-naturedly as one can be when they get hit in the back repeatedly for no apparent reason.
"What do you think of where you live, Cali?"
California cringed a bit at this, but did not care to correct the assault of his name. "What do I think?" California asked. He blinked, surprised, and then said, "Wow. No one ever asks my opinion." Everyone always assumed what California's opinions were. Their assumptions often didn't match up with reality, but none of that mattered when they took up ceaselessly bullying him for them anyway. "Huh. Like, what do I think of California as a whole, or what do I think of Sacramento?"
"California as a whole."
California took another bite of his yogurt, frowned a bit. "This is a trap, isn't it?" He asked.
"No, it's not," America reassured him, even though all forty-nine other states were also crammed into the kitchen to hear California's response.
"Oh, okay. Well, I like it there. It's not cold, and it's not usually too hot. You get the best of nature that the country has to offer. I have the biggest economy in the country. The drivers aren't weird like how they are everywhere else."
"That's BS," Montana interrupted. "Sorry, but how could you possibly like it there? You're always on fire and you have a ton of homeless people and you pay extraordinary rent."
California mumbled, "All good points," and thought on it for a bit longer. Finally he said, "I can afford an apartment anywhere in the United States. If I didn't like it here, I would move for a couple years... like to, eh, your state, whatever your name is." Montana was mighty offended by this, but California just continued: "Yeah. I would just move until I missed it again. But I don't, so clearly I like it here. At least, I don't mind it."
America just laughed and patted California's head; California was America's favorite state, and was the most American one in personality, lingo, and reality. The two had many similarities, such as getting relentlessly verbally bullied by their friends, having a disregard for everyone other than themselves, and being very influential (to the chagrin of their circles).
None of the states laughed. 'I don't mind it' was not satisfactory to either side.
Very simplified politics here, just to keep it light. This is all in good fun, after all. Yes, there are a lot of Californians that hate California, but they either don't leave or become citizens of another state.