Kate has only just finished putting her uniform on when the sirens come on, and Kate listens to the announcement as truck after truck are called into duty. "Shit." 2Dads mutters to himself as they all pile in the truck. "Sounds like a bad one. Why are so many trucks being called?"
Kate grips the seat of her chair, feeling her heart hammering in her throat. Something is wrong, and even though she's not sure why, she feels on edge. But it's Buffer that answers the question. "Because it's an aged care home."
By the time the truck pulls up, smoke is billowing from several broken windows. As they scramble down from the truck, Kate spies a team preparing to vent the roof. Her radio is already crackling, and it's not just Marshall's orders ringing in her ear, but other teams too. "Remember your callsigns." Dutchy reminds her as they don their gear. "Team Alpha, attack party. Team Bravo, we're primary search on the east side of the building. Let's go."
And then...
Her thoughts are just fragments.
Smoke.
Poor Visibility.
And the ever present Darth-Vader-like sounds of her own breathing through her mask.
And this is far from her first fire but...
A body, just to the right.
There's a body in front of her.
And it's far from her first body either but...
But keep going. Keep going.
A door.
Not hot on the other side.
Break it down.
Empty.
Check under the bed.
In the wardrobe.
None.
Move on.
Again and again.
People.
A woman.
Light as anything.
Dutchy carrying her out.
And Kate...
Dragging another man.
Adrenaline spurring her on.
Get him out.
And do it all over again.
"Today was a hard day." Marshall's voice rings out as they lean against the truck, downing bottles of water and simply staring at the smouldering ruins. The survivors had long since been taken off to hospitals, or else triaged at the local church and plied with sandwiches and tea.
The dead had been put into bags.
Eleven people dead.
Burned alive.
Another five critical.
And Kate can still hear screams in her head.
"We may never understand this senseless tragedy." Marshall's words drone on in her head, and she's only vaguely aware of Dutchy's hand on her shoulder. "But I want it known here and now that I am extremely proud of everyone's efforts today. Counselling will be made available to everyone. But for now, let's clean up and head back."
"Evidently 3 o'clock means different things to firies, Eh?" Mike quips as he pulls open the door and spies Kate leaning against a veranda pole. "It's all good. Not like I was working anyway. Just answered your sister's call when the school called her, and collected your girl. Have you called your sister back? I think she was a bit worried you were barbecue meat." Then he catches sight of her face. "Shit. Kate?"
She doesn't want to cry in front of him. She can't. She's not even aware she is crying until Mike's face falls, and she can't break down here. She turns and makes to run down the front drive, but has barely made it past the road when she feels sobs wrack her body, and her legs crumble. And every fibre of her body is telling her to run, to get away, because she can't stand to think about just how many people did get barbecued today, and Mike's words are just reopening the box she'd tried to shut tight when she left work.
"Hey, hey." She feels rather than sees Mike kneel beside her, and after hesitating for a moment, his hand starts to rub circles on her back. "It's okay. You're safe. Bridie's safe. Everything is okay. Shit."
She can still smell smoke, even though she knows she sat in the shower for almost half an hour scrubbing at her skin.
She can still hear screams and sirens and eleven bodies. Eleven bodies of people who couldn't run and hide and get to safety, and-
She doesn't even realise she's hyperventilating until Mike grabs her, and he pulls her back towards him, so that he's sitting behind her in some bizarre parody of him spooning her. His hands encircle her wrists, and he moves them, tugging her limbs so that she feels nothing more than a children's doll, twisting and turning. "Okay, Kate, can you feel your heart beat? It's here, okay? We're going to focus on your heartbeat. It's under your hand right here. You're here, right now, with me. We're going to breathe in, and you're going to smell the... the grass, and the dirt, and... and onion, because I was just cutting them. Can you smell it?" He's talking nonsensically, but it's helping. "And we're going to breathe out, and you're going to feel your stomach move. And we're going to go in... and out. Breathe, Kate. Just breathe."
She doesn't know how long they sit there, in the middle of the road, and it's a miracle no cars come by, and she can't believe that it's Mike Flynn actually helping her. Eventually, though, she becomes aware of her surroundings once more.
She's tired.
She needs Bridie.
She wants to run.
She wants to stay.
"You okay?" Mike whispers, slowly releasing her arms. They fall, like limp noodles, to her side. She doesn't have the energy to answer. Or the words. Is she okay? "Come inside." He murmurs, helping her to her feet. "Come see your daughter."
"You want to talk about it?" Mike doesn't invite her to dinner. He doesn't ask her to stay either, but somewhere along the line he'd nudged a bowl of pasta towards her and unfolded a camp bed in Rose's room for Bridie. The girls had been tucked in and now Kate found herself huddling under a blanket on his lounge, while the TV drones on pointlessly in the background. She turns to look at him, not used to the concerned look in his eyes. "If you don't, we can just sit here and watch TV. Or, I can tell pointless stories. Or, I can make fun of you a bit if you want more... normal?"
She feels the ghost of a smile on her face, but it fades quickly. She's not sure whether she wants to do this. She likes the illusion Mike has of her, of a woman who simply goes and points a hose at a fire. She's not sure she can handle anyone else knowing the ugliness and the darkness she faces. Especially not him.
Especially?
No.
Feeling are confusing.
Especially today.
"Want a cup of tea?" Mike asks. "I'd offer you coffee but not entirely sure whether that's wise or not? Uh, hot chocolate? Beer? Wine? Milkshake? It'll bring all the boys to the yard?" This time, she does actually smile, and he seems to take it as an invitation to lean closer. "I'm... I'm not entirely sure how I can help you, or... or even if I can. And I guess, even if I'm not a person you want to talk to, did you... did you want me to call someone who can? Uh... a coworker or... or Cal?"
"No, I'm..." She clears her throat. "I've... we've got counselling tomorrow." She ducks her gaze. "There was... there was a fire. At... at a nursing home." He nods, slowly, and she wonders whether he'd seen it on the news. "People... people died." She looks up, waiting for him to say something. But he's just looking at her, and she finds the strength to keep talking. "We were on primary search. We got a lot of people out, but... but the fire took over and we had to evacuate. And once the fire was out... we were retrieving bodies." She feels tears trickling down her eyes and covers her face once more. "Some... there were people three doors down from where we were searching when we got called out. If I could have-" She trails off and closes her eyes. She can still hear the roaring of the flames, the cracking of glass and popping of wooden joints. And then Marshall at the debreifing, assuring them they'd all done their job.
"There's always going to be the what-ifs." Mike whispers, and as Kate looks up at him, she is surprised to see tears in his own eyes. "Especially when you lose people..."
Kate wonders, as she has before, about Rose's mother, and as she looks at Mike she knows instinctively that she's not the only one in the room to watch someone die. "I don't know what to do. Please just tell me what to do."
"I don't know either." Mike admits. "But I'm here, okay Kate?" His thumb brushes against the top of her hand as he smiles at her, a fierce determination in his gaze. "I'm here for you."
She doesn't plan to kiss him. Doesn't expect to feel that same pull towards him. She doesn't expect the comfort she feels as she presses her lips to his, but it's nice to feel something, anything but this guilt inside of her. Until he pulls away.
And just like that, she's back to earth.
Just like that, she's made a fool of herself again.
"I'm sorry." She gabbles, pulling herself to her feet, one hand covering her lips. "I'll grab Bridie and-"
"Kate, don't-" His hand reaches out and closes around her wrist. "I... stay. But... that's not what you need right now. You... you don't need to worry about anything else right now."
"Shit." She curses. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-"
"Hey, it's okay." He protests, wrapping her in a hug. "I promise, you're going to be okay."