Why he was surprised she was here, he honestly didn't know. Joss never listened and he knew she was bound to figure out a way to make Harold speak. John stepped inside and closed the apartment door, locking it up tight. "I suppose you broke in," he murmured, sounding testy.

Joss rolled her eyes. "Spare me the attempt at a lecture. Coming from Mr. Illegal-Activity what I did was nothing compared to assaulting men and stealing weapons that were stolen in the first place," she grumbled. Joss thought she saw a twitch of his lips before he forced a scowl. "Did you really think I wouldn't come looking for you?—I told you I would. It just took me some time."

John frowned as he strode past her towards the kitchen and heard her following footsteps. She still smelled like Jasmin. She still looked naturally sexy and downright feminine. It annoyed him at how happy he felt seeing her again even though he warned her to stay away for her own good. His past was trying to catch up with him and he preferred this woman nowhere near him when it did.

"I guess Harold told you where I was," he said as he walked.

"No," she refuted honestly and he looked over his shoulder to her. "Grace did, after Harold told her, but don't be mad at them. They have your best interests at heart and so do I."

It made sense. Grace seemed to like Joss. He entered the kitchen and set the bag he was carrying on the kitchen island as she flipped on the light. "I got Chinese," he said shortly.

Joss smiled at the unspoken 'you can have some if you'd like' and she jumped at the chance since he wasn't kicking her out the door. She removed her pantsuit blazer and his eyes roamed over her. "Yea, I don't look like a bus anymore." she said, not unhappy with the appreciative and distinctly interested glance-over he gave her. It was nice to feel good again. It was nice to feel like she had a figure again. She worked hard on getting back to the weight she had been before Taylor. Right now, she was actually ten pounds lighter than before she got pregnant. But since he was looking her over she figured she would too. However, while he still looked sexy John was growing scruff and his hair was growing out a little as it was sitting against the collar of his shirt. She didn't want him slipping back into 'hobo John'.

"You never did," he grumbled as he turned his back on her and grabbed some plates. Joss was exactly as he figured she would be: all curves. Now she had a real woman's figure and felt a stirring of interest. He set two plates out and opened the fridge pulling out two bottles of beer. "You can drink now?"

"Yea, I'm not breastfeeding him," she admitted. Tons of studies were done over the pros of breastfeeding but she wasn't a breast-fed kid and she turned out okay. He held out the bottle of beer to her which she gratefully took, purposefully brushing their hands together liking the heated feeling that fluttered through her whenever they touched. "Thank you," she murmured. John had reminded her that she was very much a woman who had a lot of loving left in her, and was very much attracted to a man who had loving left in him even though he didn't seem to think so.

They sat down at the dining table out of the kitchen and quietly ate. It felt like they were back in the apartment hiding out from Elias. Comfortable silence blanketed them as they both were quietly happy to be back in each other's presence.

"The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache," Joss delivered her factoid with a smirk, breaking the silence.

John looked up from his meal and interest lit in his oceanic eyes. "Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump," he reciprocated.

"There's only one letter that doesn't appear in any of the United States' names. Do you know what it is?" she challenged.

"Q," he answered quickly. "You're born with 300 bones but by adulthood you will have only 206," he supplied back one of his own, showing his useless knowledge was a bottomless pit as much as hers was.

"Well, Coca-Cola was originally green," she stated and laughed as he made a face.

"Men can read smaller print than women," he announced.

She snorted. "Women can hear better than men," she murmured coyly. He smirked. "Don't make this into the battle of the sexes because men will go down in a blaze of glory." He laughed softly but held up his other hand, that wasn't holding his chopsticks, in silent surrender. She felt pleased and then softened, their eyes held each other's. "I've missed this," she admitted sincerely.

"Me too," he agreed quietly, before looking down again.

"Why didn't you reach out?" she wondered aloud. Joss had hoped after their phone call that he would just appear but he never did. Oh, she knew he was watching from the shadows and she would look but she never would find him. Either she wasn't that good at searching or he was that good at hiding.

"I couldn't. Snow is still out there; if I stayed away I hoped he'd think you meant nothing to me and leave you alone,'" John murmured.

"Do I?" she asked.

"Do you what?" he said, confused.

Joss set her chopsticks down and leaned forward. "Do I mean something to you?" she asked, digging for a personal response, and wasn't going to settle for anything less.

He looked away. "Yes," he said and scrapped the chair back as he hastily got to his feet.

"John, don't be afraid of caring," she whispered, as she climbed to her feet too. "I care too. I cared the moment we met on the subway."

"I haven't cared about anything in a long time, Joss," he admitted gruffly. "And why I think you should go, Joss, and not come back."

Yea right! "You don't want me to go, not really." Joss said softly.

"Because I do care is why I want you to leave and not come back. It's better for you to stay away."

Joss stood directly in front of him and turned up her face so she could stare up into his eyes. "Why can you fight for everyone except yourself, John?" she wondered. When he offered nothing but silence she added; "It would have been better for you to stay away from me when I had Elias and a bounty on my head. But you didn't. Instead you ran headlong into danger for me. It's my turn to return the favor."

"Joss…" he warned.

She smiled. "Don't worry; I've got a plan."

"Excuse me?"

"I've got people too, you know. I have a friend who knows a P.I. and she'll dig up dirt on Mark Snow, which I'll use to bring his ass to justice. Root doesn't use legal means which I'm sure you'd appreciate. She'll go through his personal computer, force-pair with his phone much like you did, rifle through his apartment, and follow him in the shadows. Root is very thorough it's why no one knows who she really is and why she goes by an alias," she explained simply. John's jaw dropped open and she grinned up at him. "And while I don't like using less than honest measures to get justice…for you, I'll make any exception. You saved me and my son; I'm going to save you."

"If he catches her…" he finally spoke but trailed off.

Joss interrupted; "He won't, like I said, Root is good at staying in the shadows."

He frowned. "Since you won't listen to me I need you to be careful. Snow is dangerous. He holds a lot of secrets and if he thinks they are in danger of being ousted he'll do whatever it takes to stop it."

Joss knew that. John was living proof of the lengths Snow would go to protect his dirty deeds. "I will," she promised. "Now I want a promise in return."

John's face didn't change but she knew she surprised him. She looked up into his gorgeous eyes glad to see them clear, but still painfully sad. "Promise me that you won't just pack up and leave now that I know where you are." she requested. John didn't speak and she knew the thought crossed his mind. "I want your word, John, men like you your word is your bond. So give me your word that you won't run on me now that I found you."

"I don't run," he snapped defensively.

Joss reached up rubbing his jaw roughened with a two days old beard growing. "Didn't I tell you that you are a truly lousy liar?—John, running from pain and your feelings is what you're good at. It's why you were going to end it all before you met me. Instead of facing your pain head on you ran from it and it ate away at you. Easier that way, am I right?" she murmured. John didn't respond but his eyes did; they widened a bit before they became shuddered once more.

"And what are you good at Joss?—driving people away so you can convince yourself that you can only rely on yourself."

Joss withdrew her hand from his face and eyed him realizing John wanted to push back because he was annoyed that she understood him maybe better than he understood himself. But she answered his question as though it was posed for reasons other than to get her to back off and said; "Maybe I do drive people away because I have trust issues. But I trust you."

John's intense gaze searched her eyes. "Do you believe people can change, Joss?" he asked quietly.

Joss realized her answer was pivotal. She nodded her head. "Yes, I believe people can change. I've seen it many times; I've seen many people change for the worse and others for the better."

He was quiet for several moments, chewing over what she said, before softly replying; "I won't leave."

"Thank you, but you might want to rethink the beard. Mark will know what you look like beard or no beard." she pointed out.

He touched his face. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing," she answered realizing he wasn't slipping into hobo John but rather seemed to like the beard. When he stared at her apparently waiting for a response she sighed. "I like your face clean shaven is all." Joss looked at her watch and saw she needed to get going to pick her son up. She looked up into his eyes. "I have to go get my son but I'll be back. I swear it."

"Stay away," he suggested instead.

She thinned her lips and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and tugged him to her, raising up on her tip toes, and kissed him. It was meant to be a departing move, short—though not sweet—and make him think about her long after she left; but the moment their lips connected, she sighed as he did, and she felt the one seduced instead of the seducer. Man, could John kiss! An ember ignited in her belly, quickly growing to a raging inferno as his lips parted and welcomed her tongue into his mouth with a warm groan.

Joss jerked away at the sound, which signaled it was time to leave and return to the seducer, make him long for her, but when she stumbled back her knees were weak as jelly, and embarrassingly bumped into the chair she vacated nearly falling on her ass in the process. She was one scream short of a hissy fit as she grimaced at how ridiculous she looked. John reached out to steady her but she pasted on an 'I'm good' smile. But he didn't seem to care as he caught her forearm in his hand. And Joss's smile melted into a genuine one as she felt the small tremble in his hand. Maybe John was trying to show her that she wasn't the only one affected.

"I'll be back. I'll bring Taylor by sometime. You should see how grown he is," she managed to get her voice sounding normal even though her heart was pounding like a snare drum. She stole another kiss but this time it was quick and then she backpedaled away from him. Looking over her shoulder he was watching her with a look that she couldn't define. "Maybe someday soon we'll figure out just why we can't seem to stop thinking about each other," she added, and with that she sashayed towards his door, carrying her blazer with her, and left without a backward glance.

John stood on the balcony with a beer in hand and his eyes closed. He could still feel her lips on his. Still feel her eyes on him. Feel the stirring in his groin to take what she was offering. Joss was all soft curves and was exactly what he always liked. He liked women that looked like women, not stick figures. An erection pressed his jeans up as he imagined cupping the perfectly defined butt she had, or sucking on her full breasts with dark tight nipples, and bury his aching dick deep inside her wet heat to hear her throaty cries for more. His eyes snapped open as the images burned in his mind as he trembled with barely contained need. John wasn't used to this. Need. Want. None of it. He wasn't bound to the same rules as normal men were; the ones that thought with their second heads all the time. Needed pussy like they needed water to live. John learned early on in the CIA how to use his cock as a tool. Sex lost meaning and he didn't recall the last time he genuinely wanted a woman…until now, until Joss.

Turning away from the beautiful night skyline he entered his apartment storming to the kitchen and set the empty beer bottle down, needing to do something about Joss. He headed directly for his burner phone and picked it up. There were only two numbers; Harold's, and Joss's. He ignored Joss's and chose Harold's but barely.

Harold answered immediately; "Are you alright, John?"

He sighed. That's what he always asked whenever he called which wasn't often. "I'm fine, Harold," he reassured.

"I assume you're calling because Jocelyn paid you a visit. I'm sorry, John, I tried to keep it from her. But Grace is my wife and…"

John sighed as he shook his head knowing his friend couldn't see it. "It's okay, Harold, I understand; happy wife happy life, right?" he joked dryly.

"Yes," Harold said with amusement lacing his voice. "Perhaps, since Jocelyn was granted a visit, then maybe Grace and I…"

"No, absolutely not, Joss needs to stay away which is why I'm calling. Can you get Grace to talk some sense into her?" he asked. "She won't listen to me. She paid a friend of hers to dig up dirt on Snow which could get her and her friend killed."

"Maybe you need someone who is as equally stubborn as you are that won't just let you run them off," Harold said quietly.

John's lips thinned. "You've been listening to Grace too much," he stated shortly.

"Happy wife happy life, remember?" Harold remarked. John cursed under his breath. "Perhaps, if I didn't let you have space you wouldn't have sunk into such a deep state of despair," Harold added with sorrow. "Grace told me what Joss told her about the state she found you in."

"It wasn't your fault, Harold. I didn't reach out to you," he snarled as he stalked to his kitchen needing something to drink that had more bite to it than mere beer. He reached for the Jack Daniels' he purchased days ago and had been valiantly attempting to not drink. He bought it when things got a little too intense to handle, when he had nearly given in and called Joss. But he hadn't drunk it. Refusing himself it as punishment for giving in and buying the damn stuff in the first place. Tonight he wasn't strong enough to say no.

"But I should have set aside my paranoia to look for you. You saved my life and you almost took your own and I would never have known," Harold said, still taking blame, only served to upset John further. He unsnapped the cap and took a healthy gulp of the whiskey and as it burned down his throat he closed his eyes.

"Not your fault, Harold. Period." he ground out through clenched teeth. "Now get Grace to have Joss back off. She has a child to attend to."

"I'm well aware, John; I'm also well aware of the fact that you are in love with her," Harold said, taking a risk, knowing full well that John could balk and hang up. But he trusted their friendship and saw an opportunity to encourage John. "I'm sure you didn't want to fall in love. I'm also pretty sure you will fight it every step of the way. You're probably trying to convince yourself that people can't possibly fall in love so quickly but love at first sight does exist, John. I loved Grace the moment I laid eyes on her. And you loved Joss the moment you laid eyes on her."

John worked his jaw as he wasn't prepared for what Harold said. Putting voice to his feelings for Joss was exactly what he was struggling not to do. The moment he gave in and acknowledged how he truly felt about Joss Carter, was the exact moment he had to do the very thing he never could: let someone in. It was why things didn't work out with Jessica; he hadn't been able to do it, and had used his job as a reason why they couldn't possibly work. But he knew the real reason, so had Jessica, she had called him out on it, and in the end it hadn't changed a thing. Jessica walked away and he let her, but he had a feeling Joss wouldn't.

He took another long gulp of the whiskey unbeknownst to Harold. "John you have a second chance at love. Some people aren't as lucky as you, John, as they can't even find it, not even once," his friend said gently. "I won't help you send her away. I won't help you hurt yourself."

"Not helping me is dooming her," he rasped angrily.

"Joss came here fiery and fought for you, John. She is something you need whether or not you want to admit—" Harold insisted and John angrily hung up on Harold mid-speech.

John stalked out of the kitchen, sat down on his couch and guzzled down the only 'friend' who agreed with him. He looked at his phone and called Zoe Morgan who could prove useful once more. "Zoe, it's me," he said the moment she answered.

"John," she purred seductively. "Who do you need information on this time?" Zoe inquired, getting straight to business.

"Do you know anything about a female private investigator known only as Root?" he asked.

There was a pregnant pause before she spoke; "Some. Does any of this have to do with that detective, Jocelyn Carter, the one that recently gave birth to a son?"

John sat forward slamming the Jack Daniels down as he clutched the cellphone tightly. "How the hell did you know about that?"

"Do you even need to ask, John? I'm a fixer. I know all the players. I know every angle. I know how all the pieces of the city fit together. Knowledge is power, which is why you came to me in the first place. You asked me about Carl Elias, who came up dead recently, and the pretty detective recounted being on the run from Elias and her very dead husband who, with the help of a good Samaritan, saved her. And that description Detective Carter gave just so happened to fit you to a T," Zoe explained; John closed his eyes. He made a very big mistake going to Zoe for help with Elias; now she had leverage against him which set her solely in the driver's seat. "So does your wanting to know about Root have anything to do with your detective?" she repeated.

Knowledge was power as Zoe said, so he stubbornly refused to answer her. Zoe chuckled. "I see you take the fifth on that. I take that our arrangement is going to be different from here on, seeing as you are not the type to engage in multiple affairs, which is a pity. But I'm sure we could come up with something beneficial for both of us."

John knew when he was a beaten man. "What would be beneficial to you, Zoe?" he asked.

"I'll give you the information I have on Root and you can offer me your body…in some other way." Zoe said gently. "It won't be nearly as fun but there are times when requiring a proper bodyguard is necessary. You'll fill that role quite nicely."

"Alright, tell me everything you know about Root, specifically something that could be used to make her decide to drop a case," he commented as he grabbed his Jack Daniels again and leaned back.

"Why? Who is the case?"

"She's being hired by Joss to go looking into my former handler, Mark Snow. I need to prevent that," John commented as he slung back the alcohol and it burned through down his throat.

"Any reason why?"

John debated about whether or not it was a good idea to divulge any information to Zoe. He knew that Harold would have been able to dig up some information on Root but Finch had already proven to side with Joss. Zoe was in it for herself and had no sides to take. "Let's just say that preventing an investigation into Mark Snow benefits everyone," he said carefully.

"Does 'everyone' include you, John?"

"My life doesn't matter, Zoe," he said firmly. If Snow found out then this Root and Joss would be dead.

Zoe was quiet. "I don't have much information on her other than she uses Root as a moniker. It's a computer term, and she was a former government hacker before she was cut loose. Now she's a freelance private investigator who is hard to track down. Only the elite of the elite have her number but I have a client who previously hired her before and I could get in touch with him if you'd like. He owes me one so I could get more information on Root for you."

"Do it but quickly or you'll need someone else to pose as your bodyguard," he warned and hung up with her and drunk himself silly for the rest of the night to try his damnedest to forget about Joss just even for a moment.

AN: Thank you for reading!