AN: I am sorry for the long stretch between updates.
Also I am going to post two chapters together to make up for the lacking updates. Since today is Tuesday I'll even try to get another two posted by the end of this week and get caught up since I didn't post once last week :(
Both these chapters I'm posting today will have lots of smut because I'm plying you with some loving before chaos erupts.
Joss stayed away the entire day even though she nearly caught herself calling home three or four times wanting to see how John and Taylor gotten on. But she refused to give into the curiosity killing her. Instead she focused on her work and seeing if Root had found out anything. Root didn't respond which she hoped meant good news.
Now since work was over and she had stayed out as long as she could; she needed to head home and face the music. But she'd just help John understand that there were real feelings between them and she wanted him to understand that she trusted him implicitly. They both knew that Taylor was her world and letting him take care of her son, alone, and entrusted with his safety was the best way of showing him that trust whether or not he wanted it.
Joss arrived home and unlocked her door using her keys after testing the knob. After entering she resisted from calling out, instead focusing on removing her holster, and relocking up her home. Joss sighed, glad to be home as it was damn hot out and she missed her guys. "John," she called out and received no answer. Great, he was giving her the silent treatment. He was probably in her kitchen stewing more than dinner was.
She moved quietly away from the foyer but stopped dead as she looked into the living room. The TV was on a baseball game, and John was stretched out on the couch with Taylor sound asleep on his chest as John had a protective arm wrapped around him. Joss smiled as the image of the two boys sleeping on the couch made her insides melt quicker than an ice cream cone on a summer day. If she was honest with herself she was already in love with John. But even with the fact that John was nothing like Paul, trying again with a man that was far more emotionally walled off than Paul gave her pause. Did she really want to go down that road again? Her eyes drifted down on the man sleeping with her son nestled safely on top of him. The answer was yes. Because while Paul didn't want to change or seek help, John did, John had come here on his own accord and she took that as his way of showing her he wanted to open up but just didn't know how.
Joss moved closer and John's eyes snapped open and she held her hands out so he'd relax and not wake Taylor. He stared up at her and then relaxed though his blue eyes blazed with anger immediately. She smiled crookedly as she took her son from him. Without a word she carried her sleeping baby up to his crib and cooed at him before settling him down. Taking the baby monitor with her she squared her shoulders ready for John's anger and headed back downstairs.
She found John standing and pacing, glaring at her as she entered, and she set the baby monitor walkie-talkie on the mantle. "I take it your still angry at how I forced you to babysit," she commented, knowing that was a real understatement.
"What the hell were you thinking?" he growled.
"I was thinking that you are doing absolutely nothing right now other than brood that you could help me out with babysitting my son," she replied simply. John's whole body vibrated with anger and it was a glorious sight.
"What if Snow came by?" he all but growled.
She snorted. "If you think I'd believe you'd answer the door or believe that even if Snow broke in that you wouldn't handle him with your brand of ass-kicking then you're crazy because I don't believe either one. You brought Elias to his knees literally and you are far too paranoid and smart to answer the door," she told him as she folded her arms across her chest. "But that's not what got you angry with me," she added.
"Oh, do tell, Joss, why am I angry with you?" he snarled, despising the fact that she seemed to know him better than he knew himself.
Joss grinned at how surly he had become. Someone sure didn't like being told how he felt before he had a chance to process it. Not her concern or problem. "You're angry that I left Taylor with you because I showed you trust that you don't think you deserve. But most of all you're angry that I left Taylor with you because I showed you that you aren't who you think you are," she said as she stepped closer to him.
"Oh?—and what am I not, Joss?" his voice sounded cold and gravelly.
"A monster," she answered readily, seeing him flinch. Joss moved quickly before he could and she rested her palms on his cheeks, forcing his gaze on hers.
He grabbed her hips tightly as he stared into her deep brown eyes and refused to see what she saw. "You think leaving your infant son with me proves to me I'm not."
She refused to break the eye contact as she held his gaze ruthlessly. "I don't know, you tell me, John. Taylor sure looked safe and content sleeping in your arms, the arms of a supposed monster held my helpless son like the most precious thing on Earth," she observed and he stared at her, unable to argue with her. And then they were kissing, who made the first move she couldn't be sure, but in their kiss she felt his desperation to believe her. He wanted to but wasn't convinced. So she set out to make him accept the truth as she took control of his kiss by thrusting her tongue deep into his mouth, rubbing sinfully against his, to sooth and seduce as she let her hands slide from his face to bury in his hair.
He moaned as his anger seemed to fade into the nether as their bodies pressed close as he encircled her waist with his arms. She sucked his bottom lip into her mouth before pulling back and rested her forehead against his chin. His breath came out quick, matching hers. She licked her lips, loving the fact that she still tasted him there. Joss let one hand sneak down from his hair to tap at his heart that beat wildly. A part of her wanted to forego this conversation and take what he'd offer so freely: his body. No doubt if she ground her pelvis against him the heady and thick primal attraction would take over and they'd be in her bed in no time, taking them both to heights unknown. But the larger part of her couldn't let it go, not when she wanted was what he was scared to believe he even had left: his heart.
Joss lifted her head and met his eyes that so reminded her of the ocean under a bright sunny sky. The blues and greens melded together under long lashes were captivating. They shimmered with an unnamed emotion. She could almost hear the alarm bells ringing off the hook in his mind but he stood still.
"Why did you come over last night?" she asked. And like that the haze surrounding him cleared up and he backed away from her or tried too because she followed him. It was time he faced the truth.
"I wanted sex."
Joss snorted. "You could have gone to any number of women would gladly spread their legs for you but you didn't choose the faceless, nameless, meaningless women…you chose me and I'm none of those."
"We're attracted to each other, Joss, maybe I just wanted to exorcise it," he suggested, though even knew he didn't sound convincing.
She nodded. "And I would have agreed with that if you weren't so dead set on staying away from me for my protection," she said with irritation making her enunciate the word 'protection' as if it was a curse word. "Something changed your mind and I want to know what that something is."
"I came here, because you wouldn't stay away from me even though it's for your own good, and I was going to make you listen by scaring you off. I was going to be cruel and hurt you, scare you, and be the monster I know I am but the moment you opened the damned door and I saw you…" he trailed off on a rough breath.
Joss believed him. She believed he had come over with every intention of breaking her heart to make her steer clear of him, to run her off because of what happened in her car. But he hadn't, or couldn't, and it was the reason why he hadn't that intrigued her. John had cut Jessica out of his life without a second thought, and then pined away for her for years. Using her as a means to keep everyone out, built walls up so high that they were insurmountable for the average woman, but then she wasn't the average woman. Joss latched on the fact that he had come by last night to do one thing but did the exact opposite. He wanted to be cruel to her, to make her hate him but instead, last night, he made her love him.
"And when you saw me you knew that no matter how monstrous you tried to be to me I would never just give up," she supplied.
John ran a hand through his hair. "No, actually when I saw you I couldn't lose you," he muttered shakily. "Then we kissed and lust took over."
She smiled. "That just proves that you aren't the monster you think you are," she insisted and he looked at her questioningly. "You came here last night to make me hate you but you only succeeded in making me love you even more. And then seeing you with my son that just seals my fate…I'm yours no matter what," she said on a stuttering breath. As easily as she said it, it had taken lots of courage to put herself out there, with the distinct possibility of getting her heart trampled on by a man who was emotionally closed off. John walled himself off; not just to keep others out but she suspected it was almost to keep the 'beast' in.
His lips parted as John appeared rattled by her declaration. Joss gasped as he reached out and held her cheeks tightly, fingers biting into her skin, as he stared into her eyes. He vibrated with tension but his touch gentled. "Don't say that if you don't mean it," he ordered gruffly.
She smoothed her hands over his chest and felt the way his heart rate had picked up. Joss searched his gaze. Anger bubbled up in her. "I never say what I don't mean, John. Don't lump me into your past. I'm not like…" she didn't even finish whatever else she had to say because John's mouth came crashing down on hers in an explosive kiss. It made her ache to think he was so hungry for love.
Joss found herself swept up into his arms as he carried her upstairs towards her bedroom. The rest of what she wanted to say was gone. Her desire to spell it out to him and what she wanted from this went up in smoke as their combustible heat consumed them both. The moment her feet touched the floor she pushed out of the kiss to attack his clothes.
"I really need you to make love to me," she whispered harshly as she grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged it up. "Tomorrow, go home and pack some clothes. Stay with me for a while," she ordered as his shirt was discarded and she lowered her mouth to suck at one nipple and scrapping her nails across his ribcage loving the feel of his muscles ripple under her touch.
"Still bossy as ever," he grumbled.
Joss let a hand cover his rock hard erection and patted him as she lifted her mouth off his chest with a smirk. "You can try to deny it all you want but you like it when I boss you around," she asserted.
John pushed her back a little and grabbed her shirt tugging until it was freed from the waistband of her slacks. He didn't politely take it off but rather he tugged and buttons popped off and she glared at him as he tugged the sides until she was pressed against his chest.
"This was my favorite shirt!"
"I don't like it." he lied, as he palmed her breasts. Anything she wore was fine by him but he liked making her mad.
She snorted. "My wardrobe wasn't meant to please anyone but me," she grumbled crossly. "But out of morbid curiosity, what do you like me to wear?" she asked, unable to help herself. He exposed a breast and he licked teasingly around her nipple never taking a swipe and she hissed in frustration as her hands grabbed at his head. "JOHN!"
"I like you in absolutely nothing," he rasped before latching a hungry mouth on her breast and drew on her nipple hard before gentling the pressure as she keened out a cry. His hands dropped to her butt and squeezed.
Joss pushed back and they both began attacking each other's clothes to get them off quickly. "Nothing," she scoffed as she bit at his shoulder. "I'd be arrested for indecent exposure."
He laughed and she liked the sexy rumble. "Spoken like a true cop, Joss," he teased, as he pushed her pants down just as she did the same for him with his shorts.
"I'll show you. Give me half a second and you'll be cuffed to my bed," she growled as she pushed his boxer-briefs down along with his shorts and moaned as he jutted free long, thick, and ready to please her. Her hands wrapped around the shaft of his penis and rubbed from base to tip eagerly.
It was his turn to moan as he kissed her as they both stepped out of their clothes before she found herself lifted onto her bed and John was climbing on top of her. They kissed passionately as their hands roamed over their bodies causing heat to spike as John's thick cock throbbed against her thigh. Her legs spread as a ridiculous amount of wetness spilled from her as John's left hand slipped between her legs to tease her.
John hissed out a breath as he slid first one then two fingers deep into her easily. He had been hoping she was ready but hadn't expected her to be quite so wet. He barely sat back and reached over to her nightstand for a condom. Expertly he rolled one onto his aching flesh and honed in on her entrance as her legs spread wide to welcome him inside her. Her body greedily took him in as he leaned over and she wrapped her arms and legs around him. They both gasped before he bent his head and took her mouth with his.
Joss moaned as John's mouth was making her blind with lust as his tongue mimicked his body's movement. In and out, slowly but steady, and in no hurry; her legs wrapped tight around his waist holding him deep inside her. This was a distinct difference from the frantic coupling they did last night. Kisses were pleasurable but nothing like this. John was literally making love to her mouth as it seemed he was very much a kisser during sex. She moaned as he slid his hands under her, cupping her butt and lifting, the angle had John penetrating her even further and finally he released her lips as she cried out as she dug her nails into his shoulders.
"God, Joss," he whispered roughly as he sped up his movements by a fraction.
"Me!" she gasped. "You're killing me with this pace," she growled as she tightened herself around his dick that was buried deep inside her. Maybe if she made him insane with need he'd speed his ass up.
He shuddered as he felt her squeeze him in a vise grip, so that every push forward he was thrusting into her narrow channel. "Like that, don't you?" she teased, like the vixen she was. He couldn't speak as she tightened her vaginal walls around him. Her snicker spurred him on as he thrust into her harder. He lowered his mouth determined to cease her laughter and replace it with cries of his name as he licked her taut dark nipple earning a sigh of his name.
Joss made a loud sound that she didn't even understand as his one hand slipped from her butt sneaking between them and found her clit with pinpoint accuracy. She bucked against him as her orgasm was building as she felt like she was growing ever closer to the edge.
He rolled them over and she gaped down at him as she was sat perched on top of him, with him buried to the hilt in her, and he grinned up at her that was doing something to her internally, as he slowly lifted his arms up and leaned his head on them like a pillow.
"Fuck me, Joss."
She didn't need to be told twice and proceeded to ride him hard wiping that cocky smile off his face replacing it with intense pleasure. Her pace was fast and furious to get them both off in record time and the moment her orgasm slammed into her, she thrust down on him so hard she thought she impaled him through her. Her entire body stiffened on top of him as she cried out his name, she barely felt his hands on her hips as he thrust up into her shuddering pussy before finding his own release. Joss was focused on the bursting light behind her eyes as the spasms rippling through her seemed to never end.
When finally it was over Joss limply collapsed onto his chest in sweaty and sated bliss, and his arms came around her holding her. Ragged breathing filled the room. Damn, what she wouldn't do to have him inside her without latex as a barrier.
She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. "I love you Joss," came a rough whisper in her hair.
Joss lifted her head to stare down at him. She didn't ask him to repeat it as it was written plainly across his face. She wanted to devour him at the moment. This beautiful, vulnerable, courageous man was in love with her. But she knew that nothing ever came easily so she wanted to wait for the rest. John was a zebra with stripes and couldn't sprout spots all of a sudden. He was solitary and emotionally walled off. Telling him that she loved him and making love to him wouldn't miraculously change that.
"But I don't think it will work out," he added. And there it was. She was glad she tempered her reaction so she wouldn't feel massive disappointment. Yes, he loved her, but he wasn't willing to try because of his past. John was going to let them enjoy each other in the present but not commit to a future together.
"Why?" she asked finally.
He stared at her as he pushed her hair out from covering her face. "It never has before. I'm not sure if you know this or not Joss, but letting people in isn't my strong suit."
She chuckled when his lips twitched into a tiny self-deprecating smile at his own honesty. "You don't say?" she said lightly before growing serious. "I'll admit I feel like I managed to walk through one door just to come up to another and then another. But I feel close John: I feel like I'm at the glass screen door where I can see in but not get in." she whispered and lowered her face close to his and pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss.
"You are," he rasped, going along with her analogy.
Joss tucked that in a safe place in her heart knowing that was a tough admission for him to make. "We'll work out." she vowed against his warm lips, wanting her conviction to seep into him.
John pulled his head back to stare up into her midnight eyes. "How can you be so sure?" he wondered.
She rubbed his body as she watched him. Finally she said; "Because when I look inside there's no dark beast lurking but rather just a man, who lost a lot and loves deeply, that is being locked up for no reason. I want to set him free." in a soft whisper as she leaned back and pressed a kiss to where his heart was pounding. "I will set him free so he can be happy; just as happy as he makes me." she vowed.
AN: John really is no match for Joss Carter. :)
Thank you for reading!