Multiple times last night John had fought the urge to bolt out the door. Joss loved him. He loved her; even told her so, which was a first. Joss just sort of sparked that sort of change. She was open, honest, and brave so he was inspired to replicate it. But still the niggling doubts that he wasn't good enough, that he would only hurt her, and had a bullseye on his back remained. Joss couldn't love Paul after learning he was a murderer and god knew he did worse things than Paul.
"Don't."
John blinked as he shifted to look down at her as she rested on his chest but instead of sleeping she had awakened and was looking up at him. She was snuggled up against him as their legs were intertwined and he had been rubbing a hand absently up and down her bare back.
She moved until she was lying with her face nearer, lush breasts pressed against his side, and the desire to kiss her skyrocketed nearly as high as his cock rose. He groaned as her subtlest move turned him on. The grin that stole her mouth was provocative and knowing; he had half the mind to turn that grin into something else. His gaze roamed over her dark nipples, glad to see that she wasn't shy to show off her incredible body even with the scar marring one side of her stomach and another that proved she was a mother. Those scars just made her even hotter because she was real and genuine.
"Don't what?" he asked gruffly as he let his hand stray to her butt and slip between her legs from behind. He ran his fingers over her creamy seam finding she was wet which was what he was hoping for.
Joss moaned and wiggled away before he could turn her on more. "I can't think with your hand there," she grumbled as she reached around her and grabbed his wayward hand and set it above his head. "Keep it there until I said what I wanted to say," she instructed sternly.
"And if I don't?" he asked with a cock of a brow, never one to follow rules. And why would he when he was hard and she was wet and ready for his loving? He saw a better use for their time than talking.
Joss leaned her face close to his ear. "You'll receive a nice reward if you do," she breathed huskily. Oh, the possibilities, and it was that fact which had him behave. She pressed a kiss to the shell of his ear and leaned back happy with his compliance. "Thought that would get you to comply; but I think it's time to tell you some cold hard facts. It was something I meant to do before tumbling into bed with you. But I needed you and you needed me so I can't apologize for how things turned out."
He eyed her warily. "What cold hard facts, Joss?" he asked quietly.
"First, I don't want you to withdraw inward, John. I know it's asking you to do something completely different than you're used to but I don't fall in love easily or in half measures. You have all of me, the good, the bad, and everything between. And I won't accept anything less from you."
He stared at her. She was asking for something he wasn't sure he could give her. He never could before; he had kept a part of himself from everyone including Jessica. And she never asked for that part of him that he kept separate but Joss wasn't just asking she was demanding it.
Joss's gaze was intense and waiting for a response. He finally looked away as he said; "You won't want me once you know everything."
Her lips thinned into a tight line. "Why not?" she demanded as she grabbed his cheek forcing his gaze back on her. "What past deed is so bad that I won't be able to overlook?" Joss frowned as he slid from bed and proceeded to dress. Joss angrily got to her feet too. She snagged his shirt before he could and pulled it on, not about to have a fight naked. He still hadn't answered her. Hadn't she just asked him not to withdraw inward on her? "You love me right?" she demanded as she folded her arms over her chest to glare up at him.
"Yes,"
"Then talk to me!" she ordered. John's gaze was heavy. "Give me the respect to decide for myself if your past is so horrible that I can't look past it."
"You truly want to know?" he asked softly. "You want to know the kind of man that was inside you and held your son?"
Joss tried to control her temper but failed. "Stop pulling the martyr routine it's repetitive and unnecessary. And stop treating me like some dimwitted woman who needs a man to take care of her. That might have been what your ex needed but I don't."
John moved quickly and she swallowed hard as she found herself pressed against the wall, next to her nightstand, her hands pinned with his against it, and his face close to hers. She swallowed back a moan of desire at the display of pure angry male. His eyes were nearly black as night from anger, no, not anger but fury. If only he knew that this did nothing to intimidate her because she knew he could never hurt her, and served to only turn her on further. What was to show her that his strength outmatched hers only managed to make her slick with need that required only his loving to satisfy. But she remained silent as she waited to see what he said or did.
"I'm just like Paul but worse. I've murdered people for the CIA that were good people because I didn't bother to question the orders," he bit out darkly. "I took their lives and didn't think twice of it. And if Harold hadn't gotten Peter, the man who killed Jessica, arrested then I would have gladly killed him too. Not for money, not for work, but because he took her from me. And I would have made him suffer; I'm good at torture, Joss. I've tortured men for information making them crack, beg for mercy, and then murdered them. We disposed of them and some families are probably still wondering where their loved ones are," he explained with coldness to his voice.
She stared into his hard eyes and saw him waiting for her condemnation. But she wasn't going to comply. Not when he was doing the exact thing she wanted: being honest, and open with her though in anger. Maybe if she didn't know John, truly know him, maybe she would have persecuted him, but she knew his heart even if he didn't.
"If you're looking for me to hate you, to use it to hurt you, I don't and won't. You seem to forget I was on the other side myself. I've seen men follow orders even though they were cruel and inhumane. Those acts took a vital part of the soldiers away from them, just as what the CIA asked you to do took a vital part of you from you. John, you realized the truth, a little late, but better than never. You questioned their authority and now are wanted dead for it. You saved Harold when you realized he wasn't what the CIA claimed. He's alive because of you. And as for wanting Peter dead because of what he did to Jessica, a woman you loved…grief makes us act unlike ourselves because I will never believe you that you could kill without conscious," she said simply but forcefully.
He made a sound that she couldn't define and he kissed her harshly. Their lips smashed together in a rough kiss and Joss wiggled her hands free running them over his hard body. Joss heard a soft scratching noise and realized John hadn't moved his hands from the wall but rather was clawing the wall as if forcing to keep his hands from grabbing her. She broke the kiss to attack his neck. She licked the patch of skin between her lips as she sucked gently.
"You hated Paul, why not me?" he ground out.
After a gentle suck at his neck she pulled back to stare into his hooded eyes. His face was a mask of emptiness but his eyes showed his confusion and hope. Joss reached up and cupped his cheek. "You're different, John," she began. He was listening but she didn't think he was hearing her. So she continued; "Paul chose that dark path. The dark path found you."
She tapped his lips as he opened his mouth to, no doubt, argue with her. John quietly snapped them closed to let her finish. "John, you proved to me you were a good man the day we met. You were a grieving, betrayed, homeless drunk that was on the verge of ending it all when you chose to help me for no other reason than because it was right," she explained as she soothed him with gentle strokes of her hands.
"Doesn't negate all the bad, Joss…."
Joss searched his gaze and saw the hardness fading and the softer he grew the more malleable he was to see her viewpoint. "Maybe you're right that it doesn't, but, the bad mistakes you made up to now doesn't negate all the good you've done either. I've learned the hard way that not everything is black and white, John. Good people make bad decisions just as bad people make good decisions. After what I went through with Elias it was an eye-opener that there is more of a grey area in life. My whole life I thought there was just a right and wrong way, without any middle, it was either or, but there is more. There is a middle ground because you lived in it thanks to the CIA and it nearly destroyed you. But it didn't and you didn't turn into this monster you think you are because that goodness in you made you strong enough to endure."
"Joss…"
She leaned forward pressing a tender kiss to his jaw. "Alone we're strong but together were stronger," she added, pressing her lips against his jawline in chaste kisses, moving along until she kissed his chin. "Alone we're both good people but together we're better," she whispered before pressing a tender kiss to his lips that didn't respond. She could feel the tension churning in him. Joss pressed her lips a little harder on his and felt them soften under hers. She leaned back to nuzzle her nose with his before kissing his upper lip and felt him respond a little more. Again and again she pressed small kisses and felt his response grow a little bit more each time. But this time she rested her lips against his to whisper; "You told me about your worst moments and I still love you, John."
John slammed his eyes closed as he shook violently and she kissed him feeling a floodgate of emotion pour out of him. He grabbed a hold of her tightly and ravaged her mouth with his. She sighed as she felt the torrent of pent up feelings he was harboring and she happily let herself get swept up in the storm. Joss, gently grabbed his hips and led him towards her bed, and he easily came with her. She spun them and pushed him onto the bed, breaking the kiss, and she climbed on top of him.
"You think I'm perfect, and while I'm more of a realist knowing you aren't perfect; you are perfect for me because I'll still love the broken pieces of you, John," she said roughly as she pulled his shirt over her head and flung it off the bed.
"I don't deserve you," he rasped in his low voice.
Joss lowered her face near his. "I'll decide what I deserve or don't," she purred. "To you, your kisses are like a poison, infecting me, and tainting me. But for me, they are like a drug that I crave. I'm addicted to the slow, deep, and passionate kisses as much as I hunger for the furious mating of our mouths as our tongues tangle, and war for dominance."
He moaned as he moved his head just right and gave her one of those slow, deep kisses that obliterated the part of her brain that made her able to speak. His hands buried in her hair and she felt his semi-hard cock thicken and harden. It was time to let that bad boy out to play.
Joss pulled free of his delicious kiss to press her lips to his neck and kissed her way down his stomach. "Now, I need to reward you for keeping your hands up."
"Joss…" he spoke gruffly but she ignored him as she continued to lick, kiss, and nibble her way down his belly loving the dips her tongue took as it glided over his muscles. Her tongue delved into his naval before nipping at the scar she found on his abdomen, and then licked his skin that had a salty tang to it as she undid his fly and parted it like the Red Sea. She licked and sucked his birthmark that was hidden in his treasure trail arrowing down to the part of his anatomy that was throbbing for her attention.
She pulled back and sat on her knees as his cock was pressing the front of the shorts up. Joss grabbed the waistband and pulled them down his body, depositing them on the floor along with his shirt. She made no trip back up his body instead simply staring at his erection. He was so hard. Straining and a deep red, with all the blood rushing there, and she rubbed a thumb over his tip. John groaned loudly and she smirked as she felt a bead of moisture gather there. Joss rubbed it over the large mushroomed head. The power in his thick penis was truly a marvel. She wanted to wrap her lips and tongue around it and feel the power firsthand but harness it and control it as she pleasured him.
Joss didn't say a word as she lowered her mouth down and licked him playfully feeling him tense on the bed even as he let out a strangled moan. Joss used her other hand to push him back. She trailed just her tongue down his rigid shaft taking her time to trace the delicious vein that bulged out there.
"Joss, get up here." he ordered roughly.
"Hmmm…" she sounded as she licked her way back up and washed her tongue on the underside of his penis that had him grabbing the comforter under him in fists as his hips jerked up. Joss smirked; his body and brain weren't on the same page because it seemed to her that his body liked where she was quite well. "Someone here is a control freak and, for once, it isn't me." she teased.
What he wanted to say was lost in a long moan of her name as she palmed his balls and wrapped her lips around him. She took an inch more of him into her mouth and gently sucked as she wrapped her free hand around his straining flesh. Good lord, her mouth was like heaven. Her head dipped down as she took more of his thick length into her mouth that had him cursing and tilting his hips up.
She was careful to keep her teeth from scraping against him as she hallowed her cheeks as she sucked on him stronger. His one hand found its way into her hair as he thrust his hips and she found it hot as he fucked her mouth, yet being mindful enough not to choke her. She could feel how close he was; his dick was pulsating under her tongue. It seemed John enjoyed being in her mouth like she enjoyed having his mouth on her judging from how close he was so quickly.
Joss pulled her mouth off him and pressed a kiss to his belly that was clenched tight. His dick straining for her and a pearly white drop was slicking the tip, and knew it would take one stroke or one suck and he'd lose it. Her sex was on fire from just bringing him to the point of his release. His eyes opened and he was breathing heavy. She made a move to take him back into her mouth when he stopped her. He sat up, with eyes dark with desire, and roughly grabbed her thighs flipping her onto her back.
Her head hung over the foot of the bed and she watched as he knelt between her legs and buried his mouth between her legs without hesitation making her cry out. Her hips jerked up and he grabbed a hold of her thighs keeping her spread apart for his loving. His exploration was thorough; knowing how she liked it and gave it to her quickly. His tongue lashed her clit again and again, circling it, flicking it, before giving it a long nice lick and generally driving her insane. John slid his tongue into her pussy and she felt her vision tunnel.
"John…" she whimpered as her hips rotated back and forth riding his tongue before he slid back to her clitoris and latched his hungry mouth on to it and sucked her with just the right amount of pressure. Joss let out a loud cry of his name as she came with little effort, his mouth drawing her orgasm out as tremors rocked through her.
His painfully hard dick hardened further. Pleasuring her excited him and this time was no different but he was already excited from being in her mouth. He stared down at her as let himself cool down a bit even though it was the last thing his body wanted. But it became imperative that he relaxed as Joss lied before him and he wanted to be buried inside her and take her the way he wanted too. He had been barely restraining himself, but now, now he was going to do exactly what he wanted: fuck her brains out.
She barely became aware of the fact that John was sitting up and rolling a condom on his erect cock. He flipped her onto her stomach, and she gasped, as he spread her legs wide as he tilted her ass up and slid into the hilt in her on one long thrust. They both let out a long mutual moan of pleasure.
"You're mine now, Joss, heaven help you but you're mine," he ground out, squeezing her perfect ass cheeks in his greedy palms before giving them a hard slap. He perversely loved her cry of excitement, and repeated the sharp slap across her ass feeling the way she clenched around him in response.
Joss grabbed the comforter in her hands aroused to the point of pain. She wanted to speak and tell him that she wanted to be his but couldn't as the stinging pain in her ass didn't drown out the exquisite pleasure she was shrouded in as he thrust into her hard and fast. The dark wild ride was so fucking hot that she felt her orgasm building again.
John focused on marking her as his. This wasn't making love, this was branding. She was his. And he was hers. He thrust his hips back and forth quicker, liking the erotic music they created as he moved his hands up to her shoulders and held them as he brought her back on his rigid dick hard. Her back bowed as she flung her head back on another loud cry. He smiled as their eyes met. Unfortunately, this wasn't going to last long but it was going to be pure ecstasy for the while it did.
He closed his eyes as the familiar ball of tension grew in his loins and base of his spine. He thrust into her tight heat harder yet. "Fuck," he gasped needing to find release that he denied himself earlier.
Joss felt on the cusp of coming apart as she felt how frenzied he became, like he was on the brink but it just out of reach and was pounding away looking for oblivion. She felt him grab desperately at her hips and she rose up and twisted her body until she was kissing him, their lips warm and wet against each other's, and wrapping an arm around his neck. Her fingers dug into his hair that was spiky at the bottom from sweat. They both gasped at the different angle it put them. Her pussy tightened around him and he bucked against her, his hand on her hip, while the other played with her clitoris.
She ended the kiss to lean her head against his shoulder grabbing at his hand between her legs and pressed it more firmly on her clit trying to find release again, as she moved in time with his movements, even though she thought it was impossible. Her lips parted as she felt like she was about to explode. Wanting it more than breath itself. Beads of sweat dripped down her temples, some rolled between her breasts and down to her belly, and her butt felt slick from John's own fine sheen covering his body. They were both breathless, raggedly panting, flushed, and their moans of ecstasy were mixing together. John's loud roar of her name shattered her mind as she felt him slam his dick into her, stiffening, and holding still. She came a second later as she shuddered and cried his name as she hungrily urged his fingers to stroke her clit to draw it out.
When, at last, it was finally over they both fell to her bed breathless. She was on the bottom, with John, lying on top of her but with his weight on his forearms. His dick pulsed and throbbed as he emptied himself in the latex condom until he grew soft inside her. Her pussy shuddered and shook from the force of the last orgasm. If orgasms could cause brain damage then that would have definitely happened to her after that last one. It had made her feel like she was soaring outside of her body.
They lied that way for quite a while until she shivered a little from the coolness of the air touching her skin that was still overheated. Joss let out a moan of protest as John climbed off her and disposed of the condom in the wastebasket near her bed. John didn't respond as he softly cajoled her up and then scooped her up into his arms. She rested her head against his chest as he carried her into her bathroom. He set her down on the vanity and proceeded to run the shower. He turned and his blue eyes flared at the sight of her, and she knew how she looked…well fucked.
He didn't speak as he reached out and found her shower cap and helped get her hair under it before he turned and made sure the water was warm. Once happy with the temperature John lifted her up into his arms again and climbed into the shower. She sighed as she was set on her feet in front of the sprayer. He ran the soap all over her body washing every crevice and she equally enjoyed the same chance at reciprocating to him. After their lengthy shower and they dried each other off, he carried her to the bed where he pushed the comforter back and set her on it before climbing in behind her, and tugged her into his arms as he flipped the comforter over them.
Her eyes drifted close contentedly. Multiple orgasms relaxed you in a way nothing else could. "Sex burns 360 calories a hour." he whispered, a random fact.
She smiled though keeping her eyes shut. "So I can have cake and eat it too." she muttered which earned a snort of laughter from John. "A pig's orgasm lasts thirty minutes," she returned with one of her own factoid even though she wanted to fall asleep.
"Lucky pigs," John grumbled and she giggled as she snuggled closer to him. But before they could climb into their mutual endless vaults of useless information a distinct cry erupted from the baby monitor. John pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Go to sleep. I'll see what he needs." he instructed softly.
Joss nodded and let him go and watched him as he pulled on his underwear and disappeared from her room. She might be his, but John was very much hers.