Another half of a standard year on the Core calendar had passed, and it made Leia's head spin to even think the twins were that old. They were growing so fast, constantly taking their parents by surprise with how much they were learning. Both had mastered the art of babbling, could roll from their backs to their stomachs to their backs, could pull themselves into a sitting position, and had begun to drool like little rancors. The twins were just on the cusp of learning to speak, and Leia had her bets placed on Jaina who made especially silly, pouty paces when she screeched, smacked her lips, and chattered nonsense in the few sounds she knew how to make. Her favorite sound was to moan 'mm' while clapping at her side excitedly. In the past weeks, upon noticing Jaina's new favorite sound, Leia had begun to encourage words, cooing back, "Mama! Can you say 'mama'?" But Jaina had yet to squeal anything other than just sounds and adorable baby nonsense. At least, Leia thought it was adorable. Until the babbling turned to screeching and sticking out her tongue so her front half was covered in drool.

She took great pride in the twins' learning strides and was genuinely thrilled by each milestone they reached. Every day of their lives was so brand new and meaningful, and Leia lived for even the smallest moments. She'd never loved anything as much as she loved being Jaina and Jacen's mother. But they weren't quite angels all the time, and motherhood was still so new to Leia. Every day came with its own struggles. Leia had hoped that her qualms and fears concerning motherhood would fade once the twins were born, that she'd reach a moment of clarity when she'd realize how absurd her old fears had been, that Jaina and Jacen would prove to be heaven-sent, and everything would just fall into place. While some of her fears had been put to rest and Leia came to see how ridiculous other fears had been, she'd learned following the twins' birth that now there were real fears— or, what she perceived to be real fears now. There were small things and big things, fears ranging in magnitude from the fear that the babies would get their hands caught in the door to her persistent fears of not being enough for them. They were so precious to her, and so helpless. She struggled to fathom how she could be expected to be held responsible for two whole lives. How could another human's development of speech and motor skills and emotional growth be trusted to her? What did she know about raising tiny humans to be good people and a force for good in the galaxy? Han kept insisting she was the one with parents for an example to reflect on, but it wasn't like Leia knew how Bail and Breha Organa had managed to lead their world with dignity and grace while being attentive and loving parents. As for herself, Leia was systems away from the Rebel Alliance and still afraid of failing her children.

Of course, she had Han too. Ideally, the two of them were a team, equal partners in crime as they navigated parenthood through trial and error. No, no, they were equal partners, and Han was doing so much for her and the babies. When the twins were a couple of months old, Han had returned to his smuggling, only taking the small jobs that would allow him to return home after a few days at the most. Nothing could keep the new father away from his children for very long. Often times, he would even return home with new toys and things for them. But Leia and Han's relationship— was stagnant at best. As the initial shock of dawning parenthood had faded in the weeks following the twins' birth, their relationship became almost mechanical. Han suddenly began to withdraw, holding Leia at arm's length and pushing them back to an uncomfortable spot Leia had thought they'd long ago escaped. It felt like their days together before they'd come to Reecee, how a line seemed to separate the sand and draw limits they'd once broken. They were partners, and that was about it. They were, perhaps, 'partners in crime', like respective partners in a very formal case.

And Leia hated it. She hated the cold that seemed to be seeping back into her bones, making her want to turn her old icy glare back on Han. She didn't get it. She didn't understand how they could go through something so miraculous together and suddenly decide it was better the way things were before. They were parents, and Leia wanted to treasure that with Han. She wanted them to be a happy family just like she'd always dreamed of having as a small girl.

But now, there was this distance between them, an aching chasm growing as Han slowly pulled away. An irrational part of her mind had a perfectly good explanation for this, and it was beginning to itch uncomfortably in the front of Leia's mind no matter how hard she tried to shove it back. It hissed in her ear like a venomous snake. How did you not see this coming? Before you were even pregnant, did you really think Han planned on sticking around? He told you he was leaving the first chance he had. He's sworn up and down he isn't one to make any commitments. What made you think he could change?

But that was irrational thinking, and Leia knew it. She knew it because he'd had chance after chance to escape. He'd spent three years promising he had one foot out the door but refused to leave when she would have been perfectly fine with that. When he had almost left, packing up his things on Hoth and prepping the Falcon to flee the system, the Rebellion, he'd come back for her. And when Leia had discovered her pregnancy and told Han … He'd brought her here, found them a home where they would be safe, dropped all his dreams of reconciling his past to provide for her, practically shackled himself to her, weighed down with a burden of commitments. All for her and the twins.

She knew him. She knew him, and she couldn't genuinely doubt his commitment to their family, his love for her and the twins. But that conclusion still troubled her because it meant she had no idea why this was happening. And that frustrated her even more than the irrational thought that he just didn't care.

Leia pushed the troubling thoughts to the back of her mind, returning her focus to the here and now. She filled two baby bottles with milk from a pitcher, found caps and nipples for both, and brought them with her to the living room along with a burp rag. Jacen was still lying on his stomach while Jaina had pulled herself up to sit and was anxiously patting her brother's arm as if to convince him to join her. However, Jacen was perfectly content to play with his sister from his spot below. "Hey, I brought a surprise! Who wants their milk?" She set one of the bottles right in front of Jaina and she nearly flopped onto her stomach reaching for it. With a quick hand, Leia pulled her back up, waited until she had steadied herself. Aware that there was now food being offered, Jacen was impressively quick to pull himself up, rolling from his stomach to his butt. Leia chuckled to herself, handing the second bottle to him. "Yeah, I thought that would get your attention." She added under her breath, "We'll see if you still appreciate that bottle once you try it."

After sitting down with Rewa and Himah for their input, Leia had decided it was time to start weaning the twins. Switching to bottles had been tedious enough, Leia had been bracing herself for the twins' first encounter with milk other than her own.

At first, Jaina seemed only interested in playing with her bottle, shaking it and pounding it against the floor. "No." Leia lifted her hand, raising the nipple toward her face. "You can't play with it or Mommy will hold the bottle while you eat." Again, the baby girl tried shaking it, and Leia held it firmly in place, raising it to her lips. Jaina fought every centi, but ultimately let Leia's hand guide the bottle to her mouth. Her lips sputtered and fumbled for the nubby before finding it and enthusiastically smashed it into her mouth. She sucked on it for a few seconds before yanking it from her own mouth and frowning with offense. "Ah!" she exclaimed, frowning fiercely at Leia.

"It's still milk, I promise. Just because it didn't come from Mommy doesn't make it any less edible."

Jaina looked back to the bottle in her hands before chucking it against the floor with impressive force. She fell forward, landing on her hands to stretch and reach for the bottle by its nipple. Quickly, Leia grabbed the bottle and pulled Jaina into her lap. "Nope. I told you Mommy gets to hold the bottle if you play with it." She settled the baby on her arm and fit the bottle between her lips. As though she'd already forgotten her consensus concerning the new milk, Jaina took it, then recalled the problem and cried in protest, milk dribbling down her chin. Leia sighed, pulling out the burp rag to wipe her face. "I knew you wouldn't like it. It just couldn't be easy. But you're going to get used to it because I can't feed you myself whenever you want. You have to start eating other foods and beverages." Leia rolled the nipple across Jaina's lips, but her cries only grew in their intensity and displeasure, and she shook her head in her fight. "Come on, sweetheart. It's this or nothing. I can't keep feeding you." She glances at Jacen who was staring intensely at his bottle, lips wet and smacking together. So, he'd tried it. Leia reached out her foot to tilt the bottle up, and Jacen reluctantly but willingly returned to sucking on it. She tossed her head back against the couch, thankful for that much.

The front door opened, and Leia sat up straighter, grateful to have Han to help her. "Hear that? Daddy's home! Maybe you'll eat for him!"

Han entered through the living room, walking around to drop his bags on the dining table. His load included a mall but sturdy bag they mostly used to carry groceries from town, and a much heftier one presumably for his clothes and personal supplies he'd brought with him on his trip. He was quick to shrug off his coat, drop it on the nearest chair, and join Leia in the living room, eyes focused like lasers on Jaina and Jacen.

"Look who's here!" Leia cooed cheerfully. "Who is that, huh? It's Daddy! Daddy's back!"

Han swooped Jacen from the floor, raised him above his head and grinned at the baby boy. "Hey, kiddo! Hey, Jace! How's my favorite boy? Man, you're gettin' so big!"

Leia rolled her eyes. "It's because he eats like a gamorrean."

Han chuckled, eyes never leaving the baby in his hands. "How about Jaina?"

"Stubborn as ever. She gets it from you." Leia smirked, waiting for Han to shoot back with how she was just as stubborn as he was, and Jaina was equally likely to have inherited her mother's brand of fiery will as her father's Corellian-made bullheadedness. But it never came.

Instead, Han remained immersed in his children, squeezing Jacen close while he peered into Leia's arms where Jaina had calmed just enough to fool her father into believing she had spent all day being nothing but an angel.

"You start feeding them different milk?"

Leia nodded. "Jaina isn't too fond of it. I was hoping maybe you'd use your magic charm and get her to drink it. I tried. For the last hour. Hasn't been working yet."

"Yeah, I'll try."

With a fair bit of relief, Leia relinquished their daughter to him, handing off the burp rag as well. She flopped onto the couch, settling back with Jacen to watch Han try his luck at battling wills with Jaina.

She fought for another few minutes while Han murmured quietly to her and pleaded with her, and she settled to sip at the bottle in between tears. Han sighed in relief, rocking her in his arm. "That's a girl, sweet Jainy. Man, you'd think we abuse her."

Smiling bitterly, Leia shook her head. "She sure knows how to make a show."

Considering the twins had been up most of the day, Leia was hopeful that she and Han would have an undisturbed night. Han had only been gone for a week, and Leia was overwhelmed with how much she realized she had missed him. She was content to dream of sleeping another night and just spend the rest of this one talking with him, catching up, maybe spend the night awake in each other's arms. However they ended up spending the night, Leia was grateful to have him back beside her.

She was rebraiding her hair in their refresher, undoing last night's sleep snarls and persistently tugging the greasy strands back into place. Since the twins' birth, she'd sacrificed her nightly ritual of a neat braid before bed, now tying back her hair just to keep it out of the way. She blew loose strands out of her face, stepping into her and Han's bedroom. Han was already in bed, blankets pulled up to his chest, turned over. He had one arm hidden under his pillow, the other outside of the blankets. Leia caught herself stealing a glimpse of the toned muscles in his arm, lamenting how long it had been since he'd just held her in those arms. Suddenly, staying up to make love was a much more tempting option, and Leia dropped her robe on the floor before she crawled into bed, pushing aside the covers. His shoulder made a nice pillow to rest her head on as she cuddled up behind him. "I missed you," she whispered, smiling like a giddy school girl. "I'm so glad you're home safe now."

"Mm. Me too," he murmured.

"You aren't too tired, are you? Because I don't think I'm quite ready for bed yet."

"Sorry, sweetheart. It was a long trip back."

Her shoulders sagged in disappointment, but she left the matter at that. "No talking then, either?"

Han groaned, fluffing up his pillow with a soft punch. "What do you wanna' talk about this late?"

"Well, you don't have to get cranky. I've missed you, and I thought you might want to stay up for a while since you just got back from another trip. You've been so busy, I've hardly seen you in months."

"I've only been traveling off-planet for a couple months."

"So? That isn't a long time for you?"

"Sweetheart, I've been on a lot of trips in my life."

She turned a sharp gaze on his back, both surprised and hurt. "Then, you must forgive me for missing you. I'm not as used to running away as you are." She regretted the words as soon as she spoke them, but she decided she could live with herself if it irked Han from his mood.

At least, it worked to snag his attention, and Han sat up in bed to glare at her. "Really?"

"We both know something's stinking up the room, so why don't you come out with it and tell me what's bothering you because I don't feel like keeping up charades for another week."

"Another week?"

"You've been snappy and irritated since before you left for this last run. Every time I tried to talk to you, you shot me down. So, will you talk to me, or are you sleeping on the couch tonight?"

"You want to do this now?"

"You just got home. I wasn't planning on going to bed very early."

He shook his head. "I'm just— tryna' sort things out. I feel like I've lost my place, and I'm just tryna' figure out how things go now."

"Explain. I don't get what you mean."

"I mean that I don't know how everything with the twins and us is supposed to work, and it drives me mad that there isn't a manual for it all. That's it, Leia."

"That doesn't explain why you've distanced yourself from me."

"Well, what do you want me to do, huh? Why don't you tell me, 'cause I have no kriffing clue."

"You don't know what you're doing? That's your excuse?"

"That's not what I meant, Leia—"

"You think I know what I'm doing? Han, this whole thing started as an escape! We were running from Imperials, and what felt like maybe three months passed, and I was falling for you and then I was pregnant and now we're all tied together! And I have no idea what I'm doing! So, tell me again what your excuse is?"

"I'm not sayin' it's an excuse—"

"Then, what are you trying to say, Han? What is your excuse? Because I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm still here."

"It's- it's a lot, Leia. I'm just trying to make sense of it."

"It's been six months, Han. Six months just with them here for us to see. Your children are six months old, and they cannot wait another month for you to decide if you're ready to be a father."

"It's change. When all this started happening, I wasn't ready to be a father."

"They're here, Han! They. Are. Here."

"I still don't know how I'm supposed to be any kid's dad or someone's partner."

"What on Coruscant makes you think I have any better idea? I don't know what I'm doing with you or how I'm supposed to raise my children, but dammit I will do everything I can for those two! And I need to know what matters to you. Where are you going, Han? Are you staying or going? Because the twins and I are a package deal; if you want me you're getting those kids, too, because I love them to death, and if you want your kids, I am going to be there because I am not going anywhere. So, I need to know now if you want to be a part of this family or not. Are you willing to stay here and figure this out with me?"

"I do."

"Then, what's wrong?"

"It's just that I don't know where we're at, Leia. Where are we? You were completely right when you said how fast things have changed. It feels like a couple days ago we were running from Hoth, then we got to Veridian, and Veridian was really nice. I liked how things were between us on Veridian. I didn't think we'd ever get there. But then time got away from us again, and now we're here. And I love this place, Leia. I love you and I love Jaina and Jacen, but I'm so lost. Ever since we got here to Casita, it's been about the twins, figuring out how to work our new lives around the twins. And I don't know where we're at anymore, Leia. I don't know if we're at the same spot we were on Veridian. And I just wanna' know we're still solid. 'Cause us together— we're the base of this family."

"Why didn't you just tell me that?"

Han blinked.

"Why couldn't you just tell me that to start off with?"

"How would you have responded? I tell you I miss our lives before the twins, what do you think?"

"I would have told you what I'm telling you now: I've been thinking about the same things."

"No, Leia. It's not just that I miss having time with just you. I mean I'm afraid of not knowing where we're at with each other to know if things are going to work out."

Leia nodded. "When I call us a family, Han, I do imagine us staying together."

"But how do we know where we're at? Are we still at Veridian status, or does having kids together automatically bump us up a level or two?"

"I think having the twins has brought us closer, but we can't be pushed somewhere we don't want to be."

"Yeah," he agreed, nodding to himself. "I'm just worried I'll lose track of where things are at, then I'll make one wrong move and lose you."

She considered that for a moment. "I would call this distancing phase of yours a pretty wrong move."

"I mean like a wrong move forward. Too fast."

"And I mean either way. You can push me pretty far, Han. I think it would surprise you how long I'd stick with you. I'm here now, aren't I?"

His gaze followed slowly down her frame, eyes clouded over in remorse. "It shouldn't surprise me." Her shoulders sagged again, this time tim relief. Instinctively, without a morsel of hesitation, she crawled back into their bed. "You throw yourself into everything you do." He reached for her, taking her into his arms, hands sloping down her curves like a sculptor taking in his fine work. Leia relished it, relished the mournful intimacy in his touch. She cradled his face between her hands, held him up as he collapsed against her. "Gods, I love you, Leia."

Leia blushed, catching herself smiling. How was it that Han still had this effect on her?

She nestled back into his embrace, forcing him to take the lead in their cuddle. His arms enveloped her small body, tugged her close, wrapped her up in a blanket of warmth merely from his body. With her head tucked tightly against his chest, she murmured, "I think we're long overdue for a date night."

"Ha! That's a little hard when we've got two little ones who still don't sleep through the night."

"We could get a babysitter. I've had several offers."

"We're damn lucky they're that cute."

Leia laughed, resting a hand against Han's chest. Right on cue, they both fell silent when infant cries came drifting from the nextdoor bedroom. They both flopped to their backs, huffing a united sigh. "I love 'em to death," Han swore, "but I wouldn't mind a night without crying and poopy diapers."

Leia got up to make her way to the nursery, retrieving her robe on her way. "I'll make a few calls tomorrow morning. Someone will take them. But we need a Mommy and Daddy night."

AN: Sorry not sorry for the limited Solo babies time? I was going to include some, but we have more important things to get to first ...

In the meantime, that darn empty box down there! Humor him, but he is a bottomless pit. Feed generously.