Ben's Side

I thought I would attempt at writing Ben's and Ciara's feelings/thoughts and emotions separately regarding their break up and the aftermath. So, I am starting with Ben first. I hope you guys

enjoy it…

Ben wondered around Horton Square for hours after he left Ciara. Ciara had looked like someone had literally ripped her heart out of her chest. Ben wanted to believe that everything Ciara said about them being able to be together and wanting to get through all this with him, but he couldn't trust himself not to hurt her if he lost it again.

Ben thought back to the hospital when Jordan tried to take his only reason for living away.

"What was she thinking?" Ben thought out loud.

"I could have killed her…no I wanted to kill her." He corrected himself.

"What if Rafe had not been there to stop me would I have gone through with it? Would I have really killed my own sister?" Ben couldn't be sure he blacked out when he thought Jordan was about to inject Ciara with that syringe.

"She is safer without me in her life, that way she will not be put in harm's way anymore."

His cellphone vibrating took him off his inflicted downward spiral. And just for a second, he let his heart betrayed him giving the slightest bit hope that it might be Ciara calling him, but it wasn't and with a sigh he resigned himself to answering the phone.

"Hello?"

"Okay, I will be there in 10 mins."

That's strange he had not expected to hear from them ever again. He wondered what could have happened to bring this turn of events. Ben knocked on the DiMera door no more than 10 minutes later. When the door slightly opened and there, he was Stephen DiMera, inviting him in.

"Welcome Mr. Weston"

"Can I offer you something to drink?"

"Scotch neat." Ben said.

"You know I was actually surprised to hear from you."

"I have a proposal I would like to run by you Ben."

"Ok."

"I know Chad had fired you as my Head of Security when I got arrested but I would like you to come back to work for me."

"I don't know, why would you want me to come back?"

"You have always been a good employee to me, loyal and good at what you did."

"Thank you, Mr. DiMera but to be honest with you but before Chad fired me, I was on my way to resign from the position."

Stephen mocks a hurt expression as he clutches his chest where his heart would be stating, "Was I not a good employer? Did I not give you a nice place to live? A job you needed because no one would give you a chance and a place you requested because you needed somewhere to live to impress your girlfriend."

Ben couldn't help but laugh a little for what felt like a long time, "It was not that, you were a good boss. And Ciara and I broke up."

"What reason did she give for breaking up with you?"

"She didn't I broke up with her because I did not want to run the risk of hurting her."

"Is that the reason you were going to resign?"

"No" Ben said.

"Then, what was it?"

"Ciara, wasn't too happy about my last assignment and what I did to Gabi."

"Oh, but she was returned back unharmed."

"Yes, but if she had not been, it would have fell on me too. I have worked very hard to prove to myself that I am not the person I use to be, and I will not do anything that puts me in a position that even comes close to victimizing women again."

"I am actually glad to hear that Mr. Weston because I want you to do the exact opposite."

As Ben sat there listening to what Stephen wanted him to do, he thought to himself if he should go back to working for Mr. DiMera again. Granted this time it would be different, but would it make a difference to Ciara. 'Get it together' he thought you are not with Ciara anymore you need her to stay away from you for her own good. He did say he would give me back my pervious salary and I could move back in.

"What do you say Mr. Weston."

"I will work for you again Mr. DiMera."

"Oh Ben! Can I give you a piece of unsolicited advice from one social outcast to another?"

"Sure."

"Finding someone who is willing to love you as openly as Ms. Ciara appears to be is not something you let go of so easily or can find nowadays. I know you don't trust yourself at this moment but the fact that she does despite everything she has been through speaks volumes. I would really think long and hard before you go about trying to push this girl out of your life. Regret can sometimes hurt more than any pain you think your going through right now." Ben couldn't even say the words that got lost in his throat. He simply nodded as he set done his empty glass and walked back towards the front door.

Was he making the right decision? Ben couldn't be sure he would never hurt Ciara but the image of her face telling him she thought he would never hurt her so why was he breaking her heart kept popping into his mind and made his heartache for her more. Ben tried his best to shake that memory out of his mind with little success. For now, he thought that staying away from Ciara was for the best.

Ben headed to the motel to pack up his belongings so that he could move back into the DiMera house. He didn't have much but he had to pack, the clothes he did have, and his medication could all pretty much fit into his backpack. Staring at the bottle he realized he had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he had forgotten to take his medications earlier that morning. Grabbing the bottle, he walked over to the bathroom and got some water to drink it down with.

"You really need to get it together, Weston" He said to himself in the mirror.

"How will you ever prove yourself to anyone let alone yourself if you keep getting so distracted by everything around you that you forget to take your medication on time." Ben walked out of the bathroom and went back to packing up his belongings he didn't have much left. The only things left where the pictures of him and Ciara during happier times. God, he missed her. He couldn't help but run his finger over Ciara's face in the picture as if it was a substitute for the real thing. Yet, he knew it wasn't. What was he going to do? He didn't know but for now he would give himself over to his dreams. If he couldn't have happiness in the real world for the time being maybe his dreams would give him some sort of comfort. Ben laid down with the picture of him and Ciara he had been holding in his hands unable to pack it away just yet and with one more glad to it. He closed his eyes and drifted into a world where he and Ciara could be together… To be continued.