Chapter 3. Plans
~4x3~ Revenge is a Dish Best Served at Lunchtime
Wally woke up in a cold sweat. He was having that dream again, the one where he was running in an endless dark corridor, desperate to reach something, but he couldn't remember what. He just ran and ran until he ran out of time and woke up.
Yesterday's events were a blur. So much had happened, including getting into a fight with Ernest, but then forgetting to show up. From what he heard, Ernest was furious and wanted revenge. Actually, Wally wanted nothing less than to give Ernest a good hard wallop, but he couldn't risk getting caught and kicked out of school. So how was he supposed to deal with Ernest without fighting him?
Begrudgingly, he slipped into his jeans, pulled a crisp white shirt over his head, and tugged on a beat-up old pair of sneakers.
His mother was running late. She had her apron half-on, cords dangling at her sides, while slipping in her boomerang earrings, and was surprised to see Wally.
"Oh! You're up," she said and gave a guilty glance at the kitchen. "Well, I'm off. And er, there's some food in the cupboard for your lunch." She was out the door before Wally could even say "good morning."
He opened the cupboard. There was an expired can of beans and half a packet of instant-pudding. He closed the cupboard.
He walked slowly to school, hoping if he was late enough, he wouldn't run into Ernest. But sure enough, at the school entrance, Ernest was leaning on the flagpole with two of his friends, scouring the incoming crowd for signs of Wally. Wally waited around the corner, crushing ants under the heel of his shoe, until the tardy bell rang and Ernest disappeared. Then Wally came around the corner and sprinted to class.
His history teacher flared her nostrils as Wally walked into class late again. "That's two tardies in a row!" she snapped. "Detention! No break for you!"
At least if he was in detention during break, he wouldn't run into Ernest. Now he just had to make it through lunch, then after school, and then every day for the rest of his life.
English was a disaster. There was a pop vocab quiz with long words that looked like complete gibberish to him. He even tried to shiftily glance around, but his classmates knew him too well and covered up their quizzes with their hand, scribbling furiously behind the crook of their arms. He sweated, staring at the blank spaces to write definitions next to words he had never seen before in his life. Just write something. Anything. He dragged his pencil across the blanks. Scribble, scribble. Just to pretend like he was writing.
The bell rang and he quickly threw his quiz facedown on the teacher's desk so nobody could see the random scribbles. He had made it to lunch, but he felt a terrible lurch in his stomach. Since he'd skipped breakfast, he was extra hungry today.
Perhaps he could snag something from the vending machine; it was far enough from the cafeteria that he probably wouldn't run into Ernest. He checked his pockets but there was nothing but lint. Just then, a freshman passed next to him in the hallway, and he instinctively reached out and shoved him up against the lockers.
"Lunch money," he growled.
The boy looked up trembling, with wide eyes behind yellow spectacles. "Hey!" he suddenly said. "I know you! You were helping my brother yesterday-"
"Shut it," said Wally, but he suddenly felt weirder about asking for this kid's money. "Lunch money," he repeated.
"I- I don't have any," Tommy squeaked. "My mom packs my lunch everyday. A coconut jam sandwich, but she knows I don't like the crusts, so she cuts them into these little heart shapes-"
Wally sighed. He didn't want to steal this kid's food, plus he couldn't eat it anyways because he was allergic to coconut. "Whatever. Just gimme whatever change you got."
Tommy nervously pulled out all the coins he could find in his pockets and dumped them into Wally's hand. $1.62. Just enough for a granola bar.
"Ok kid," said Wally, and released Tommy.
A short while later, Wally was munching on a granola by himself in the hallway, when his friends Bruce and Joe came up to him.
"There you are, we've been looking for you all day." Bruce wanted to know why Wally hadn't shown up to fight Ernest yesterday, and why he was still avoiding Ernest.
"I told you," said Joe to Bruce. "He's chicken. Doesn't wanna fight Ernest. Knows he'll lose."
"I'm not afraid of Ernest!" Wally said angrily.
"Really?" said Bruce. "'Cause you've been avoiding him all day. And Ernest is getting real ticked off… it's only gonna get worse the longer you wait."
"Well, let him!" said Wally. "I'm sick of getting into fights all the time. I wanna stop getting into fights for no reason."
However much he meant it this time, it was too late.
"There he is!"
Wally froze. It was Ernest's voice. That's it, Wally had to give up the game. The fight was unavoidable. Not that it wouldn't be satisfying to finally punch that jerk in the face.
Ernest tried to shove Wally against the lockers, but Wally pushed him away.
"I hear you've been running away from me, Wally." Ernest was chuckling. "I knew you were an idiot, but I didn't think you'd be such a wimp! Gosh, you're a coward and you're stupid."
Wally jerked but didn't say anything. He was too busy thinking of the most satisfying way he could hit Ernest. Jaw? Nose? Eye? His fingers were twitching when, out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed Ms. Thompson peering from her classroom door. She pursed her lips at him, daring him to throw that punch.
One more fight… he could hear her voice in his head. And you're off to military school. And we'll finally be rid of you.
People were crowding the hallways to get to class, and they circled around Wally and Ernest curiously, ogling at them like they were animals in a cage.
At least Wally was about to go out with a bang and with everybody watching.
He didn't care anymore.
He didn't care about school. He didn't care about his parents. He didn't care about his friends. He didn't care about that girl he pulled out of the pool yesterday. Oh. Wait. He almost forgot about her. He thought about never seeing Kuki again and now he was more confused about what to do than ever.
"Are you eating a granola bar for lunch?" Ernest was pointing and laughing. "Does your mom not love you enough to make you a real lunch?"
People tittered. Wally's fist curled with white hot rage, it felt like his body was filling to the top with molten lava, his head was getting cloudy with anger.
"Do it!" he yelled.
Ernest stared at him.
"Go on then," Wally said. "Go and hit me!"
Ernest was confused. Wally wasn't moving, and he wasn't even putting up a fight. He was just standing there, with his arms apart, waiting.
The bully shrugged, pulled back a fist and slammed it into Wally's face. Wally's head was jerked back, but apart from that, he was still standing. People stared in shock.
"Alright, that's enough!" Ms. Thompson yelled out. "Ernest, principal's office!" She grabbed Ernest by the ear and dragged him away while Ernest whined in pain. "As for you, Wally…" she glared at him, annoyed that she couldn't expel him yet. "… go to the nurse's office."
Wally was a bit in a daze. He was vaguely aware of something dripping down his chin and he wondered if he was crying. His face felt hot and sticky, and people were staring.
"Dude, what the hell?" Bruce punched his arm. "Why didn't you fight? You made me lose the bet."
"Ugh, your face looks gross," said Joe, wrinkling up his nose at Wally, and they left him to go to class.
Alone, Wally walked towards the nurse's office and peered in.
"Uh, hello?" he tried lamely.
A head with shiny black hair popped out.
It was that cruddy girl again.
"Wow!" she said. "What happened?" Her fingers were suddenly on his face, brushing his hair out of the way, her eyes wide and sparkly and gazing at his nose, and he flinched back at her touch.
"Did you fall? Did you get hit? Does it hurt? What were you doing? Well, come with me!" She pulled his hand along and led him to a bed in the next room over and plopped him down. He was red with irritation, still clutching the granola bar wrapper in one hand, his nose dripping with something.
"I'm fine!" he insisted. "Ernest hit me, but it doesn't even hurt, maybe my nose is kinda numb, but I'm fine, I don't know why Ms. Thompson made me come here…"
Kuki whipped out a box of Kleenex and dabbed at Wally's face.
"Stop! What are you doing? I'm fine, it's just- is that- is that blood?"
He fainted.
When he came to, his face was scrubbed pink and clean. He lifted a finger and felt a bandage over his nose. Kuki was looking at him, resting her head in her hands next to his bed.
"Are you watching me?"
She grinned. "You're ok, it's not broken!"
She giggled nervously again. Wally looked so different when he was passed out, his face so calm and vulnerable, not like it usually was. Not like the way he was frowning at her now.
Kuki whispered to him, as if they were about to share a secret. "Why didn't you get into a fight this time? You've never backed down before."
Word must have gotten around about what happened with Ernest, and Wally couldn't think of a good excuse. So he told her the truth. He told her that if he got into another fight, he'd get kicked out of school. But he left out the part about thinking he'd never see her face again.
Kuki nodded solemnly. She was starting to look at Wally a whole new way; he wasn't that stupid, angry bully everyone thought he was.
She asked, "Is it true what Ernest said yesterday, about the math test?"
He suddenly froze up and looked away, scowling. "So what if I failed a math test? Why does that matter, anyways? I don't care about school. I don't."
"No, not that," said Kuki nervously. "I meant writing on your hand. Did you really cheat on your math test?"
"Oh, that." She was relieved to see he looked less angry. He shrugged. "Yeah. Math is pretty dumb." Except maybe negative numbers, he thought to himself. The idea was still mind-blowing to him.
"If you didn't care about school then why did you bother cheating?" asked Kuki innocently and Wally suddenly found he didn't have a good answer for her.
Luckily, he was spared as his mother arrived at the nurse's office.
"Wallabee!" she yelled. Mrs. Beatles flew in, tensed like a jack-in-the-box ready to spring out of her box. She looked like she couldn't decide whether to give him a hug or yell at him some more. She relaxed when she saw him sitting upright and clean, chatting idly with a girl at his bedside.
"Wallabee," she pleaded, and he rolled his eyes. She looked at Kuki. "Hi there, is there an adult here that I should talk to?"
Kuki beamed. "Nope, it's just me!"
"Well ok, then where is the nurse?"
"You mean Nurse Claiborne? Hmmm, I think she's still in jail for endangering children."
"What! Oh my."
"But don't worry! I'm totally certified in both CPR and First Aid!" She leaned in to Mrs. Beatles and whispered, "Also, I kiss all of their boo-boos to make them better!"
Mrs. Beatles looked aghast while Wally grabbed his bandaged nose and turned bright red. "That's it Wallabee, we're going to the doctor."
He scowled at his mother. "I'm fine, Mum, Kuki says my nose isn't broken."
"No, Wally! You need to be checked out by a real doctor." She rubbed her temple, worried. "Why do you do this to us? Think of the doctor's bills…"
She ushered him out, shoving him through the door. He turned back briefly to catch a glimpse of Kuki standing and waving at them. She smiled radiantly when she caught him looking at her, as if they were sharing some little secret, just the two of them.
His stomach flipped over, and he realized he would gladly get punched a hundred times by Ernest to spend five more minutes in the nurse's office.
~2x5~ Secret Classroom Part II
"Hey, I-I just wanted to stop by and say, that I never really said, you know, thank you, for making sure I was ok yesterday," Hoagie stumbled through his words, as clumsy in speech as he was in real life. "No one's really looked out for me before, well, except maybe Tommy, but he's kinda nuts and freaks out real easy, he's lucky you were there, you seemed to know what you were doing-"
A red hat peered out at him from a door that was just barely open enough for Abby's head to squeeze through. "Mmkay, don't mention it." Abby started to close the door, but Hoagie stopped it with his palm.
"Let me pay it back to you! Mr. Frybingle told me you work on a secret project here in the evenings sometimes, thought I could offer my help-"
"I think you're forgetting the definition of the word secret," she answered brusquely and slammed the door shut, but Hoagie stuck his foot in the door and it bounced back open.
"Wow, cool!" Hoagie hopped into the deserted classroom. This was the last thing Abby wanted, somebody poking around her personal business. She groaned loudly, and quickly closed the door after him. Maybe she could give him a small meaningless task to get rid of him as fast as possible.
Hoagie stared around in awe. The classroom was covered with hundreds of newspaper clippings and sticky notes and hand-drawn maps. Hanging on the wall, a cluttered corkboard, in the center, the letters "K" "N" "D", with strings connecting it to pictures of treehouses, a detailed diagram of the moon, and all over, lots and lots and lots of random numbers.
"Ok boy, this is sensitive stuff, so don't touch anyth-"
Hoagie picked up a wooden device lying on a desk.
Abby wanted to smack him. "Careful, don't break that!"
Hoagie laughed. "I can't break it if it's already broken!"
He pulled out a multi-tool from his back pocket and wedged its mini screwdriver into the metal bits holding the wooden planks together, adjusting, tightening, fixing the springs of the device. He snapped it shut and tested the trigger. It slammed open onto the desk with a splank! and shattered a stray pencil sharpener, startling Abby.
"Wow! Nice toy," he said and put it back down. "You wooden wanna get hit with that, that's for sure!" He grinned at Abby.
She did not grin back. Instead, her hat smacked him upside the head. "That is the worst joke I have ever heard in my life!"
How dare he! To come into her classroom, touch her stuff, and then make a cringe-worthy pun about it! There was a reason she never let anybody in here. And here Hoagie was, fumbling around with her secret items and- her face suddenly melted into surprise. "Wait, you fixed it. How?"
"It's a pretty simple design. It's almost like I've seen it before." He shrugged. "I like to build stuff, you know. I'm actually working on this one thing right now…"
Abby snapped her fingers and dove into a pile of blue papers in the corner, and hoisted up a stack of blueprints for Hoagie to look at. She hesitated.
"Hold up," she said as the teenage boy strained to look at the papers in her arms. "Don't you think I'm crazy?"
Hoagie looked at her and shrugged again. "Meh," was all he said, and Abby couldn't tell if he was disagreeing with her. Or maybe he did think she was crazy, but he didn't care.
Abby looked once more at her personal sanctuary, all her research and Kids Next Door artifacts that she had to hide from classmates that called her names, and then back at Hoagie, who was looking at her eagerly.
"Ok," she said, to her own surprise. Aside from Lenny, and now Wally technically, she never let anyone into her secret classroom. She splayed out the blueprints on the table, each one with the same phrase in its title: 2x4 technology. "Can you tell me what these are for?"
And that was how Hoagie became Abby's research assistant.
~4x3~ Plan Bee
"Wally, we already know you're an idiot. You don't have to prove it to us again," Bruce yelled up from the ground. It was barely a few days after Wally had almost broken his nose, and he was climbing a tall tree.
"I'm not an idiot, Bruce! I'm about to win this bet and be five dollars richer!"
Wally crawled along a branch towards a beehive. He had a stick in his hand that he used to smack the hive. Some bees popped out and buzzed angrily.
"I hit it!" he yelled.
"Doesn't count!" yelled Joe below. "You gotta knock it down to the ground!"
Thwack! went Wally's stick against the hive, but it just swayed on the branch and wouldn't fall. He had to get closer.
He scooted forward another inch but it was one inch too far. The branch cracked and fell to the ground, and with it, Wally and the beehive. He slammed into the ground and was miraculously unhurt- until the bees found him.
They swarmed his body, a thousand stingers looking for his skin.
"Still counts!" yelled Wally between yelps as he sprinted away from the hive followed by a swarm of bees.
Bruce and Joe laughed. "Definitely worth five bucks!"
Half a mile later, Wally outran the last of the bees, and stopped, panting, to check his wounds. His arms looked awful, covered in dozens of red bumps.
"Yes, it worked!" He grinned and raised his fist in triumph.
It was definitely bad enough for a trip to the nurse's office.
At the nurse's office...
"Ohmigosh Sonya, what happened?"
Kuki pulled a tissue across blonde hair covered in green goop.
The little blonde freshman shook her head and sniffled. "I don't know! It came out of nowhere, like rain that fell out of the sky! And then it hit me and I fell, and then Lee caught me, but that green stuff still got all over my hair!"
She cried and her friend Lee reassured her with a hand on her shoulder. "It was not cool," he confirmed laconically, spinning a yo-yo.
But even though Kuki scrubbed away the last of the goo, Sonya's blonde hair was still greenish, and she wailed at the sight of herself in the mirror.
"Oh no, is my hair going to be green forever?!" She bawled.
"Don't worry, Sonya," said Kuki, kissing the top of Sonya's head with a loud mwah! "I'm sure your boyfriend still thinks you're beautiful."
Sonya choked on her tears, Lee almost dropped his yo-yo. "Oh! He's not- he's not my…" The two freshman locked eyes, turned crimson, and then looked away from each other.
Kuki beamed, when somebody knocked at the door. Somebody who was covered in red bumps.
"Bees," he explained to Kuki and then added nonchalantly, "I could use some first aid, I guess. Or, whatever."
She stared at him- she'd never seen so many bee stings on one person! How did he get himself into these situations? It was almost like he was trying to get hurt on purpose. Secretly, she was glad to see him, but she had to remind herself not to get too excited. It was only him needing medical attention. Not like he was purposefully coming in to see her.
She pulled him down into a chair.
"Okie, I'm gonna get the first stinger out!" She bent over and pinched the stinger with a pair of tweezers, then gently pulled it out. Wally twitched at the prick.
"There!" she giggled nervously. "One down, twenty-seven to go!" She gave the first bee sting a quick kiss and Wally immediately pulled back his arm, red-faced.
He glared at her. "HEY! No way you doing that for all of them!"
"Fine! Maybe you won't get my kiss of healing," she huffed and got back to work. He calmed down and barely moved as she continued to work, making sure no stingers were left behind in Wally's arm.
She chattered nervously as she worked, just for the sake of saying something. She told him about the weird green rain that had hit Sonya, she told him about her undying love for rainbow monkeys, she told him about the time when that freshman walked in on her crouching underneath the hand-dryer in the girl's bathroom. Wally didn't say anything, he just followed her shiny black hair as she traveled with the tweezers over his arms, occasionally twitching when she pulled out a particularly nasty stinger.
Kuki didn't know why she was telling him all this stupid stuff. Somehow, it felt less awkward than just sitting there in silence, with him watching her the whole time. He was probably anxious to get out of there, anxious to get away from her nervous chatter and awkward laughter.
Fifteen minutes later, Kuki stood up after pulling the last stinger. "All done!" she told him. "Let me get you some ice for the swelling and you'll be good to go."
"Oh- okay." But Wally didn't move from the chair. Kuki handed him the ice and he put it on his arm, still sitting there.
"Well?" said Kuki. "Anything else I can help with?"
Wally furrowed his brow like he was trying to think of something, but couldn't come up with anything. "Er, no, I guess."
He got up and headed towards the door, slowly, as if he wasn't sure whether he wanted to leave. He looked back at her just before he left.
"Hey Kuki?"
"Yes?" She looked at him, bright-eyed, a smile as bright as a shooting star.
Wally searched for the right words.
"Um. Thank you."
She glowed. "Anytime!"
He hesitated again, then gave her a nod and walked out. He felt a little silly about it, actually. Who nods at somebody to say goodbye? But in the moment, he really couldn't think of anything else to say to her. He felt his cheeks flushing as he walked away, and knew that if he turned around again, he would probably see Kuki still standing there, laughing her head off at him.
~2x5~3x4~ The Best Day Ever
Today was going to be a wonderful day.
Hoagie was bounding through the house. He grabbed his backpack, picked up a bagel and stuffed it into his mouth, kissed his mother goodbye on the cheek, then saw Tommy trundling down the stairs half-asleep and gave him a huge wet kiss on the side of the cheek as well. Tommy made a face and wiped his cheek on his sleeve.
"Gross, Hoagie…"
His older brother chortled. "Bye Tommy! Bye Mom!"
He rushed out the door, skidded to a halt, and quickly hopped back into the house.
"Almost forgot it!" He picked up a large box by the door and stumbled out of the house towards his bus stop, barely able to see over the top of the box as he walked. An all-white convertible blasting music cruised up behind him. Kuki Sanban stood up in the back and waved, and her pink skirt rippled in the warm breeze that blew through the quaint suburban neighborhood.
"Hey-ey! Today's the big day, huh?"
Hoagie grinned at her. "Yup!"
"Oh, I have the thing I promised you! It's right- ow!"
Ashley jabbed Kuki with her elbow and the little Asian girl fell and plopped into her seat.
"Kuki!" reprimanded Ashley. "Stop being so nice to losers like him!"
"See you later, Hoagie!" came a muffled voice from the back of the convertible.
At school, Hoagie almost walked into Fanny and Rachel walking in the opposite direction. They parted and jumped out of the way of Hoagie's enormous box.
"Hey, ladies," Hoagie said to them smoothly.
"Oh, please!" The redhead scoffed and straightened her hair. The blonde on the other side shrugged.
Hoagie beamed and kept walking into science class. He passed by his stout neighbor wearing a white cable knit sweater and white slacks.
"Hey Constance," he grinned. She stared at him impassively and turned her head awkwardly so that her braids were sticking out at weird angles. "Hello, Hoagie."
He finally set the box down triumphantly behind his desk and in front of Abby Lincoln's.
"So this is what you haven't stopped talking about for the past week?" She eyed the box.
Hoagie was still smiling. "So can you make it after school?"
"Abigail thinks you're crazy," she said, then hesitated. "But maybe the right kind of crazy." She leaned back so all he could see was a thin half-smile beneath the shadow of her red cap. "Sure thing, flyboy."
Yep, it was going to be a wonderful day.
"Hey!" Wally reached out and tapped Kuki's shoulder. He caught her before lunch, making sure her awful friend Ashley wasn't around. He didn't like Ashley; Ashley was as mean as Kuki was kind.
Kuki turned in the hallway, sleek raven locks tumbling over her shoulder, lighting up with a smile, and her heart gave a little soar. Even though she was well aware of the fact that he couldn't be interested in her, she still got disproportionately nervous when he was around. "Oh, hi Wally! Everything okay?"
"Um, yeah! So, uh, listen, you said you liked rainbow monkeys, and I thought you might want to watch this movie! Are you free after school maybe?"
He pulled out a rough-looking rental DVD from his backpack. It was titled Mutant Killer Monkeys: From Outer Space! and had a picture of a drooling chimpanzee holding a machine gun on the cover.
It was a very odd request, and she was a bit confused. Besides, she was busy. "Sorry, I can't." She shrugged.
"Oh." Wally bitterly dumped the movie back into his bag. It was stupid idea, anyways, and he felt like an idiot for trying. "Why?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
"I'm going with Hoagie to the park! I'm helping him for the engineering fair."
"Hoagie?" he spluttered. "Hoagie the dor- er, Gilligan?" He had to bite his tongue from saying dork.
She nodded and he glowered. Since when did Kuki hang out with Hoagie Gilligan at the park?
He slouched on the lockers next to her and fidgeted with his hands. "Er, can I come too?"
"Of course! I'm sure he'd love to see you there."
Wally scoffed. Like he cared what that dork Hoagie thought. "'K, cool," he said, trying not to sound too excited.
"We'll see you after school then, bye!"
"See ya." Wally stared after the girl with shiny midnight hair, swishing across her shoulders, her pink skirt bobbing down the hall, and he felt a weird pang in his stomach that had nothing to do with the fact that he was hungry but didn't have a lunch again.
~2x5x3x4~ The Worst Day Ever
The afternoon sun settled warmly over the grass in the park. A banner was draped at the entrance. Welcome students, it said. Welcome engineers. It was a warm, windless day- perfect conditions for flying. Handfuls of students were already milling about the slapdash booths, while men and women wearing business suits with little badges strolled around. BW Engineering, read one badge. United American Airlines read another. Zesla read a third. They strutted around, looking at the students' projects, subtly shaking their heads at each other, jotting down notes on notepads.
Hoagie was unpacking his box in a fluffy patch of grass where he sat on his knees, surrounded by a mess of wires and metal screws and half-assembled plastic contraptions and what looked like a wooden ramp. Abby was the first to arrive.
"Wait, don't look yet!" Hoagie jumped up and placed his palms over Abby's eyes. "It's not put together yet and I want the final thing to be a surprise!"
"All right Hoagie," she grinned. She put down her bag in the grass but couldn't sit down. "You can let go of my face now."
"Oh! Sorry." Hoagie hastily removed his hands, and she sat down with her back to him.
She leaned against her messenger bag, casually glancing around at the other students and their projects, little piddly plastic contraptions that spun around or floated in the air for a few seconds. None of it looked particularly impressive to Abby. She had a gut feeling that Hoagie was about to make something that would blow the other competition out of the water.
"Hoagie," she said, "when d'you get so good at building stuff?"
"I dunno. It's always come pretty easy to me."
"But you must've done this a lot as a kid, right? I mean, nobody just wakes up one day and knows how to build, like, a car." She turned to catch a glimpse of his face.
He shrugged. "I really don't know. I really can't remember much from my childhood." He was leaning over his device and carefully screwing in little pieces. His cap was askew and his caramel hair was half plastered to his forehead and half sticking straight up. He raised the crook of his arm to quickly wipe the sweat from his brow without looking away from his contraption.
He was pretty cute when he was concentrating hard.
That caught Abby off guard, thinking Hoagie was cute. She peeked at him again to be sure, and he sure did look attractive, working intensely. He was so absorbed he didn't even notice her checking him out.
"Don't you think it's weird," Abby mused aloud, still watching him, "that you don't remember your childhood. So what's the first thing you remember? Is there anything that…" she paused, looking for the right words. "...that's like a recurring memory?"
"Well, I do have this one recurring memory, or maybe it's a dream, I can't really tell, where I'm trying to fix something but I can't. I don't know what it is I'm trying to repair, but I know it's very important. I try and I try to fix it, but I can't. Then there's a blue light and I wake up." Hoagie glanced up, scratching his head. "Wow, that sounded really weird. Sorry. You probably don't know what the hell I'm talking about."
"I do, actually," said Abby quietly, but she didn't say any more than that.
A few minutes later, Kuki appeared at the edge of the park waving enthusiastically, followed by a tall blonde.
"I didn't know you invited Kuki and Wally," Abby said, and Hoagie looked up in surprise.
"Wally?" He straightened up. Kuki, he was expecting, but not Wally. Kuki had a huge smile on her face, Wally had everything but.
"Don't they make the oddest couple?" Abby said, and Hoagie chuckled.
"Hey guys! Welcome to the engineering fair!" Hoagie gestured around at the drooping welcome banner, the bored students, and the even more bored businesspeople. "I'm crossing my fingers the judges like my project. It's a pretty cool idea, I've got a good chance of winning, as long as The Kid doesn't come up with something better. I hear he's doing something ultra lightweight, which is good, but not original…"
"But it cuts down on fuel use by 50%," said a suave voice behind them. Ace stood there, hands in his leather jacket, leaning on a booth with the carelessness of a tiger on a lazy day. "The judges loved it," he smirked at Hoagie.
Hoagie glared and grumbled something unintelligible under his breath.
"Anyways, good luck Hoagie," said Ace, straightening up. "Oh wait, Cookie-"
He leaned over to Kuki and passed his hand over the side of her face, stroking back a lock of her hair.
"You had something in your hair," he said, smirking, even though Wally didn't see anything in her hair.
Kuki turned pink and giggled. Wally had the sudden urge to kick Ace in the shins.
Abby elbowed Hoagie. "Hey, here come the judges." Five black suits showed up, forming a semicircle around Hoagie's invention. Ace stayed to watch. Some other students came over and poked in their heads with curiousity, including some of the nerds from the Yipper club, and even poodle-faced Valerie and her shadow Mary Beth.
Hoagie wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. He was excited but also very nervous.
"Ok, welcome everyone!" He gathered them around the model airplane on the ground, a little metal contraption hardly bigger than a shoebox. "This is it! This is the world's first environmentally-friendly airplane to run on, drumroll please," -he posed dramatically- "to run on canned beans!"
The suits murmured excitedly to each other and began to scribble furiously in their little notebooks.
"That sounds really stupid," blurted Wally.
Hoagie gave him a reproachful look but continued. He turned to Kuki and stretched out his hand. "Miss, the test subject?"
Wally almost protectively stepped between Hoagie and Kuki, but to his surprise she reached into her backpack and pulled out a hot pink rainbow monkey. The fluffy, aviator-wearing animal exchanged hands and was plopped into the seat of the plane.
"Good luck, Amelia Bearheart!" Kuki grabbed Wally's arm, wiping her teary eyes with her hand. "This is her first flight! They grow up so quickly." Wally relaxed. So that's what Kuki had promised to help Hoagie with.
A fresh can of beans was popped open and poured into the back of the plane, and then the fuel tank was snapped shut. On Hoagie's remote control, buttons were pushed, knobs twisted, levers flipped, and the little vehicle sputtered to life, emitting bits of hissing steam.
Hoagie licked his lips. "I think we're ready. Abby?"
She was handed the sputtering airplane, and she held it just above the edge of a long wooden ramp.
"On the count of three you're going to release the plane, okay?"
Abby nodded.
Kuki squeezed Wally's arm tighter in anticipation, her eyes on the plane.
"Pfff, it's not gonna work. Beans, seriously?" muttered Wally, but even he couldn't look away from the plane.
Everyone, Ace, Ted from Yipper club, the other students, the businesspeople, they were all intently watching the plane now, collectively holding their breath.
Actually, the only one who wasn't looking at the plane was Abby. She was still staring at Hoagie.
He was focusing intently, cap crooked, honey-colored hair spilling out underneath, mouth slightly open in deep concentration and it made Abby feel something she hadn't in a long time: the feeling that anything was possible, that Hoagie could do anything. Hell, in that moment, she'd've believed him if he said he could build a rocket to the moon.
Hoagie, on the other hand, was sweating bullets. It all came down to this- he gripped the controls tightly, his fingers twitching at the ready, and gave the countdown to Abby. She let go, and its little wheels spun and launched the plane up the ramp.
It shot up a foot into the air and then shuddered.
Kuki screamed.
It hardly flew ten feet before it spluttered, tipped on its side, and cut diagonally downward, trailed by an entourage of gray smoke. Hoagie's remote couldn't control it anymore as it hurtled towards the ground, and he frantically pushed the eject button.
The plane crunched into the ground, exploding in a shower of smoke and sparks. Flames licked the wreckage. Black smoke billowed out. The smell of overcooked beans wafted through the air. Amelia Bearheart floated down safely in her parachute, ejected at the last second. Hoagie stared at the wreckage, his heart sinking into his stomach. So much for the engineering fair.
The men and women in black paused, looked at each other, and subtly shook their heads. They stuck their pens into their notebooks and shuffled away like one big black amoeba.
Ted and the other Yipper card nerds turned away as well. Valerie giggled and nudged Mary Beth as they scampered away too. Ace shrugged at Hoagie. "For a second there, I thought it was going to work," he said, almost apologetically, before walking back to his own successful project.
This was the worst day ever.
"Wow, let's do that again!" Kuki squealed in delight.
Wally looked confused. "Why would we do that again? It exploded. It totally failed!"
Hoagie stared at him, dejected, but Wally just shrugged and said, "What? It's true."
Abby put a hand on Hoagie's shoulder and squeezed it. "I'm sorry, Hoagie. You'll get it next time." She smiled.
Kuki threw her arms around Hoagie and Abby, crushing them together in a big hug. "Ooh, next time I'll bring my Shamrock 'n' Roll rainbow monkey for good luck! Or maybe my Funky Survivor's Guilt rainbow monkey…"
Even Wally had to admit it had been fun. "Especially the part where it smashed into the ground and caught on fire." He thought for a second. "You know, I could donate a can of beans to you, if you need it for next time…"
Hoagie sniffled and wiped under his glasses. Lost were his hopes of winning the engineering fair and scoring some hotshot internship. Lost was his opportunity to one-up Ace. Lost was his chance to prove he was more than just some loser. But despite that, he found himself surrounded by people trying to cheer him up. He'd never had anybody try to cheer him up before, and now suddenly there were three of them.
He decided to change his mind.
Today wasn't such a bad day after all.
~2x4~ Pinecones
A pinecone smacked Hoagie in the stomach.
"Ow! That hurts!"
"That's why you're supposed to dodge it! Rule number 1 of fighting- it hurts less if you don't get hit." Wally stood a few feet away surrounded by trees, scaly pinecones heaped at his feet. As part of his deal with Abby, he was supposed to teach Hoagie how to fight in exchange for getting tutored a couple times a week, and Hoagie had finally begun his first lesson. And this little clearing in the woods by his house seemed like the perfect training ground. Wally flicked his head with carelessness to clear the hair from his eyes and ran his fingers along the spiny edges of a pinecone, savoring the windup.
He lobbed the pinecone at Hoagie, who stood dumbly in the way, and it bounced off his chest.
"Ouch! Those things are spiky!" He rubbed the sore spot on his chest while Wally rolled his eyes. Hoagie was really bad at dodging.
"You know, I'm starting to think you just like throwing pinecones at me," said Hoagie.
Wally couldn't hide the grin on his face. "Dude. You suck. I can't believe I'm doing this to pay for Abby tutoring me."
"How's that going, by the way?"
"The tutoring? Ugh, don't remind me, Abby's-" Wally was about to call her awful, but he realized that wasn't true. "-not that bad, actually." He was surprised to admit it, but the girl was a good teacher. She was smart, patient, and she'd never once called him stupid.
"Yeah, she's pretty cool, isn't she?" Hoagie had a stupid grin on his face.
"But that's not why we're here," reminded Wally. "We're here to do something about how much you suck at fighting."
Hoagie groaned. "I know. We can't all be glorious hunks like you."
"... did you just call me a hunk?"
"-in a completely platonic and manly way, of course," Hoagie added quickly. "You know, how all the guys are scared of you and all the girls are in love with you…"
Wally looked confused. Ok, perhaps he didn't know.
"Dude, it's like, I try really hard to be cool. And what do I get? I get picked on. I get laughed at. I get beat up. Even the other nerds at school refuse to hang out with me anymore! And don't get me started on girls. You wanna know what happened to me last time I tried to talk to a girl? I had eggs thrown at me. Egged by girls! And here you are, with your macho muscles and golden surfer hair and everyone respects you and all the girls look at you with puppy eyes. You have it so easy."
Something surged inside of Wally like an angry wave rolling in a thunderstorm, and he snapped, "Trust me, I don't have it easy."
He kicked the pile of pinecones and they pattered all across the forest floor. Hoagie was suddenly quiet.
The forest was silent, except for the faint rustling of pine branches in the wind. The sun was about to set, and the air was getting cold.
Finally, Wally spoke.
"At least you're good at building stuff. I'm not good at anything except getting in trouble. I'm about to get kicked out of high school and sent to military school. My grades suck. My friends think I'm stupid. My teachers think I'm stupid. My own parents think I'm stupid. I just- I wanna prove 'em wrong, I wanna do something good with my life, I- I-"
He looked up to see Hoagie listening, listening and nodding along, his head faintly illuminated by the last rays of the setting afternoon sun. Wally had never seen anybody listen to him like that and he realized he said too much. He shot Hoagie a resentful look and picked up a pinecone.
This time, Hoagie saw it coming. He swerved to the right and watched the pinecone whistle past his nose.
"Ha! Did you see that?! I totally- argh!"
A second pinecone struck him in the head.
"Wait, that's not fair! I dodged the first one; I wasn't ready for the second one!"
"Rule number 2 of fighting," said Wally with a smug smile. "There's no such thing as a fair fight."
Wally dropped the smile and narrowed his eyes. "Don't ever tell anyone what I just told you. And don't think we're friends, because we're not. Got that?"
Hoagie rubbed his head and shrugged, and the two teens ambled together out of the dark woods almost like friends.
~1~ The Vigilantes from Outside the Complex
The muddy ground was slick with rainwater and Nigel had to be careful that his tennis shoes didn't slip and cause him to fall into a green puddle. The fields alongside the main highway were thick with weeds and the mud was pulling down his shoes, slowing his progress. The file labeled C.O.N.F.I.D.E.N.T.I.A.L. was tucked under his arm, but he hadn't had time to read it yet, aside from the map Chad showed him that he was now following. TRUST NO ONE, was written on the file, as well as BEWARE OF ADULTS. And that was why Nigel had to take the long way through the countryside. It was the only way he could avoid adults. The more he thought about it, the more he realized they were everywhere- on the bus, in the train, in the streets, in the stores… you couldn't escape them. They would always be there, watching him, and he didn't know who might be a spy for the GKND, who might turn him in, who might steal his file.
He had to set up camp for the night and protect himself from the rain first, though.
Stormy gray clouds had gathered, which was good because they blocked the green rain, bad because they darkened the sky and he couldn't keep marching on today. His clothes were damp, his skin prickled and cold, and he needed to find shelter soon.
He stopped at the first semi-dry cave he could find, a musty rock cavern at the base of a sloggy green hill. The closest civilization he could see from here was a drab gray building complex far away in the distance, far enough that he believed he was safe. Cold gray water dripped from his bald head, his skin was all goosebumps, but he used the last light of day to pull out the file and read what he could.
The first thing that fell out was a photograph.
It was him, from maybe three or four years ago, surrounded by four other children. A chubby boy wearing yellow goggles. A dark-skinned girl in a red cap. A boy in an orange pullover. A pretty girl with long black hair.
He didn't know these people, but he felt like he did. It hurt to look at the photo, like he was looking at a memory of a dream that he desperately wanted to remember but couldn't.
Sector V of the Kids Next Door, said the back of the photograph. Numbuh 1 Nigel Uno- that was him- Numbuh 2 Hoagie Gilligan, Numbuh 3 Kuki Sanban, Numbuh 4 Wallabee Beatles, Numbuh 5 Abby Lincoln.
The next documents were all about Nigel. How Nigel rescued children from a flood of strawberry ice cream. A photo of Nigel standing proudly in front of a dark, flaming figure behind bars. Nigel Uno shaking hands with a blonde girl, holding a book and a trophy in his left arm.
A photo of him in a space suit, giving a bittersweet salute to the camera. Caption: First day at the GKND.
He simultaneously could and couldn't believe this was actually him. This boy in the photographs, a younger, more confident version of himself, looked so brave and fearless, like he could accomplish anything. He looked like a hero.
What happened to that boy?
And what became of everyone else in the photographs? Nigel hadn't gotten to part of the file yet explaining how the Kids Next Door got destroyed.
He shut the file. It was getting too dark to read. The secrets of the GKND would have to wait until tomorrow.
Something brushed by his arm.
"Hehe, look, he's bald!"
"What?" Nigel eyes fluttered at the sound of a voice.
"Sh! Now you've done it! He's waking up!"
"Sorry! I didn't mean- wait, grab him!"
Nigel awoke to four or five little kids pinning him down. It was barely dawn, with the first cold rays shining through the dewy mist of the morning. He struggled, but he was outnumbered by the children.
"What are you doing here, teenager?" The leader of the children put a foot on Nigel's chest, holding a stick threateningly in Nigel's face. He looked, like many things, vaguely familiar to Nigel, frowning underneath a dirty mess of blond hair through thin black-rimmed spectacles.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"Who are you?" answered Nigel, bewildered.
"We're the Vigilantes from Outside the Complex!" said the girl holding down Nigel's right arm, grinning.
"Shh, Raya, you can't keep saying that to everyone we meet!" said their leader sternly to the girl. "We don't know if we can trust him yet."
"Hey-" said Nigel. "You can trust me! I won't tell anybody about you! Just let me go!"
"What's this?" A tan-skinned boy by Nigel's left leg had discovered the file and rifled through it. His eyes grew wide and he whispered something to the leader. The leader looked at Nigel.
"Explain this," he pointed to the file. "What is the Kids Next Door? Are you on our side?"
Nigel thought for a second and nodded. "Yes, I'm on your side. I'm on the side of every kid in the world. The Kids Next Door fights for all kids, against the tyranny of adults!" He didn't know where these words were coming from, but they felt like the right thing to say. Hopefully the kids would believe him and let him go.
"All right," said the blond boy, motioning to the others. They let go of his limbs and Nigel immediately reached out to grab his file.
"Uh-uh," said the tan-skinned boy, holding it out of Nigel's reach. "Not until we know we can trust you."
Nigel gritted his teeth. He had to get that file back; there was so much that he still had to learn about himself and the GKND! "Fine," he told the gang of children. "What do you want to know about me?"
So Nigel told the mysterious group of vigilante children about the Kids Next Door, the once-mighty organization that fought for the justice of children everywhere. They followed his stories with gleaming eyes when he talked about attacking adult tyrants who wanted to force-feed them Brussels sprouts, or ban candy, or make kids go to bed earlier. Most of the stories he told were from what he read in the file last night, but some of them, he wasn't sure where they came from. Maybe he made them up. Maybe he was remembering them on his own. He didn't know.
But the kids loved his swashbuckling tales, and they wanted to hear more.
"Tell us again how you defeated the Crazy Cat Lady! And more about Grandma Stuffum! How did you fight Chester when he wanted to turn you into a moose?"
The more he talked, the more Nigel started to believe his own stories. Even their leader was nodding, as though he believed Nigel was the real deal, but then he frowned. "So where are the Kids Next Door now?"
"Oh, er, right," Nigel said hesitantly. "Well, three years ago, an evil organization, the Galactic Kids Next Door, destroyed all traces of the Kids Next Door. I don't know why, or how, but now nobody remembers the Kids Next Door ever existed. Except me. And now you guys, I guess. Anyways, I'm on a mission to defeat the GKND so they won't ever do something like that again."
"Three years ago, hmm," said the little blond leader. "That's when they started rounding up the kids. I was too young to remember much, but Jessica and Sammy remember…"
The tan-skinned boy and one of the girls nodded feverishly.
"Oh, it was awful," said Jessica, clutching a worn-out stuffed rabbit to her chest.
"They took us at night," said Sammy solemnly. "Out of our beds. Anyone under 13. We all woke up in a huge building complex. 'Welcome to your new school,' they said. I don't know why they called it a school because we didn't learn anything, except that life is miserable. All day we had to work making cottage cheese. Wake up, no breakfast, work. 10 minutes for lunch. Back to work. 15 minutes for dinner. Back to work. Sleep."
"And if you refused to work or if you rebelled in any way, they'd take you to the dungeon." A collective shiver passed across all five children.
"What was in the dungeon?" Nigel wasn't sure if he wanted to know.
"Your worst nightmare," whispered Raya.
Sammy nodded. "It's different for every kid. They figure out what you're most afraid of, and then they use it against you."
Jessica started panicking, rocking back and forth with her bunny. "Oh no oh no oh no…"
"Aw man," said Sammy. "Not again, Jessica. They can't find us here! They're not gonna hurt Hopsy Mopsy anymore!"
"M-my poor bunny rabbit," she sobbed, holding her stuffed animal even tighter. "He's been through s-so much torture!" She started crying and Sammy looked sheepish.
"There, there," said Sammy, awkwardly patting her back while she cried. "I'm sorry, Jessica."
"We're the lucky ones," said their leader to Nigel. "We managed to run away. We've been hiding in the countryside, going back only to steal food. Everyone else is still trapped and too scared to escape."
"That sounds terrible," said Nigel. "I wish I could help."
"You can."
Nigel stared at the little boy.
"Teach us," said the boy. "Teach us how to be like you."
Maybe Nigel's storytelling had gone too well, and now these kids thought he was somebody way more heroic than he actually was. Or maybe Nigel really was a somebody, and this was his chance to make a difference in the world.
"Sure, but I don't remember-" he started, trying not to sound like a fraud. "I mean, I don't have a guidebook or anything. But what I could do is take you on a mission with me and teach you everything I know… as long as you return my file to me."
"We'll return it after we complete the mission."
"Fine, after the mission."
"Deal." Nigel and the little boy shook hands. "Don't worry," said the boy, "we're stronger than we look."
"-and we're plucky!" said the girl in the yellow dress called Raya.
"-and resourceful," added Sammy.
"-and caring," said Jessica, hugging her bunny.
There was only one boy left, wearing a beanie low over his eyes, and Nigel realized he hadn't said a single word yet.
Now he reached into his pocket and held up an unlit match between his fingers. "Boom," he whispered, and tucked the match back into his pocket.
"That's Jackson," whispered their leader to Nigel. "He doesn't talk much."
"What's your name?" asked Nigel of the little blond boy who was running a hand over his weapon, a smooth wooden stick, the one he had threatened Nigel with earlier.
"Joey," he grinned. "Joey Beatles."