Chapter 5. Misdirections
~2x5~ Hands and Half-smiles
With their friendship stronger than ever, Abby and Hoagie were back to being investigation buddies. Lenny stopped by in the evenings on occasion to catch up, but Abby was telling him less and less and relying more and more on Hoagie, which made him quite thrilled. Sometimes she'd stop by his locker to talk shop about their research plans later. He'd almost convinced himself that she was doing this just as an excuse to say hi to him.
Today, she was waiting for him at his locker, eager to tell him all about the latest Kids Next Door artifact she was after. Some vague description of it, it was some kind of book, it was very powerful and hidden in a secret location, the usual details, Hoagie was only half-listening, half day-dreaming again, when they rounded the corner and he immediately stopped and backed up.
"Oh no, uh-" he pulled at Abby's elbow. "Let's not go this way. Er, how about we take a different hallway?"
"Why? What's wrong with this hall?"
She peered around the corner. A couple freshman were milling around. A blonde girl stood at her locker, flouncing her poofy hair as another girl stood shyly next to her.
"Don't tell me- it is because of Valerie and Marybeth?"
Hoagie didn't say anything, but his bright red ears did.
"You're not afraid of them, are you?"
He was suddenly very preoccupied with looking at his shoelaces. "I... they're… let's just go around them, ok?"
"What'd they do?"
He couldn't look up. "They, well… they threw eggs at me, ok? And they like to make fun of me for not having any friends..."
Of all things, Abby started laughing. "Boy, don't listen to them! They're just mean girls, it's what they do. You know, Valerie's only mean to you because she's bitter."
"What?"
"Yeah, she's mad because she happens to be struggling in math right now, but you have the highest grade in the class. She might even be kicked out of honor roll."
"Oh." Hoagie was stunned. "But Marybeth, she was also-"
"-she'll do just about anything for Valerie's approval. You ever notice how sycophantic she is, hanging off of Valerie's every word, desperately trying to win her admiration?"
"Wow." Hoagie had never looked at these two girls that way before. Suddenly, they seemed a lot less scary.
"How do you know all these things about them?"
"Abby makes it a point to know things," she smirked. She was good at reading people. And she had that key to the school filing cabinets.
And while some people liked to stalk their crushes on Facebook; she liked to peruse their permanent records. Hoagie's was almost squeaky clean, however. Nice kid, good grades, maybe fell asleep in history a couple times.
"If Abby was a better person, she'd tell you not to give a crap and forget about them," said Abby, but she was smiling that half-smile Hoagie knew too well. "... or we could mess with them."
"What do you mean?"
"Just follow my lead, flyboy," Abby grinned, and picked up Hoagie's hand.
"Abby?" His cheeks felt as hot as a stove top as they walked hand-in-hand down the hallway.
Abby was looking straight ahead, poker-faced. Or was she half-smiling? It was hard to tell. Her eyes shifted and caught Hoagie looking at her. If anything, she looked slightly amused. He quickly looked away, down the hall.
He could see Valerie turning her head with a malicious grin at him and he watched it drop from her face just as quickly. Marybeth was shaking Valerie's shoulder and pointing, and Valerie slapped her on the arm and yelled, "shut up, Marybeth, I see it too!", to which Marybeth cringed.
They rounded the corner at the end of the hallway and Abby turned to Hoagie, snorting with laughter. "Did you see Valerie's face drop? Priceless!"
She let go of his hand and he was all too aware of it. A mixture of relief and disappointment washed over him, his ears slowly turned pale white again. His hand was still warm, however, and he could feel the imprint of her palm resting against it, as if a ghost hand were still holding on to him.
"Yeah, priceless," he echoed, and gave a small chuckle. It had been a pretty funny face.
"You've been a good friend to me, Hoagie. Don't say Abby never did anything good for you either."
Abby gave him one last look, one last amused half-smile, and left him at the cafeteria entrance to go do some research during lunch.
As she turned away from him, her half-smile suddenly turned into a full smile.
That was nice.
Moreover, she wouldn't mind doing it again.
~3~ Cookie Colors
"Cookie, you color so beautifully."
Ace lowered his head next to Kuki's so that they were almost cheek-to-cheek, watching her doodle with crayons before class. Kuki was overcome with that weirdly intriguing smell of leather and cinnamon that emanated from Ace, and his words flowed over her like honey and made her heart patter.
"You have the hands of a true artista." He gingerly picked up her drawing hand and turned it over slowly, running his fingers across hers. Kuki felt her cheeks warm and her head was feeling fuzzy, and she kind of wanted him to stop and kind of didn't. She quickly cleared her throat.
"So, what do you think? Is my drawing any good?"
"It's gorgeous," Ace said, without looking away from Kuki's face. "You're a master. You know, you should come over to my house sometime and we could color together. We could color all day."
She giggled nervously and Ace looked pleased. She asked, "Well, how many crayons do you have? And which set? Are they Crayola?"
He frowned. "Uh- uh Crayola crayons? I don't know if we have any-"
"No crayons!?"
He looked startled.
"Well, how are we supposed to color if you don't even have any crayons? Sheesh!" Kuki rolled her eyes and he dropped her hand flabbergasted.
"But- I- I didn't actually mean- when I said coloring… that's not what I meant…" He sat back down at his desk and tried to say what he meant but couldn't figure out a good way to say it.
Kuki smiled. She knew exactly what he had meant.
She picked up a red crayon and continued coloring in her doodle, and, grinning, realized there was only one guy in the whole school whose opinion she actually cared about. In fact, he was all she could ever think about, whether she was sitting bored in class or getting yelled at by her parents or being hit on by some other guy.
It was always his face, his corn-colored hair, his wrinkled tee and worn-out sneakers. His bangs over his green eyes. The way he said "Oi" whenever he saw some slick-talking guy trying to corner her in the halls. The way his fingers fumbled and floated just above her face, hesitating, as if he wanted to touch her cheek or her hair, and always dropping them awkwardly to his pocket at the last second. The way she felt around him, like there was a warm glowing spark inside her. Like everything was going to be ok. Like she wasn't sitting alone in the darkness anymore. Like she was in love.
That's it, she decided. I'm in love. And his name is Wally Beatles.
~2x5~ The Start of Something
Abby was about to do something she'd never done before.
She'd never had to before. With Maurice, he had showed up at her doorstep, all gentlemanly with the bowtie and the flowers and the nice outfit. And with Heinie, well, it was mostly the bottle of soda that did the talking.
But this was the first time that Abby decided to start a relationship. How hard was it to ask somebody out? All the guys she knew complained about it all the time, but it really wasn't that hard, was it? Just a couple words, a quick question and bam! Relationship started.
Hoagie was pushing zillions of loose wires and wood scraps and toolkits into his locker, trying to get it to close, when someone tapped him, or more like jabbed him, in the back. He yelped and turned in surprise.
"Whoa! Don't sneak up on me like that! Oh, hey Constance."
The girl looked up at him from a woolly white turtleneck, a sweater so fluffy that it made her look like a big pillowcase wearing glasses. She cocked her head to the side.
"Hello, Hoagie. Did you hear about the big birthday party on Friday?"
He frowned. "Uh, no, I'm not exactly the kind of person who gets invited to parties."
"It's at my house. So you can be my plus-one."
"Oh wow! Sure!" He'd never been invited to a real party before! Suspicion flickered across his face. "Wait, this isn't a prank, is it?"
"No."
"All right!" he fist-pumped the air and spotted Abby Lincoln turning the corner of the hallway. He couldn't wait to tell her to tell her the exciting news. "Hey A-"
Constance saw Abby heading towards them, quickly grabbed Hoagie's collar, yanked him down to her level, and then mashed her lips against his.
Abby's books fell and slapped the floor, Hoagie let out a muffled noise, and Constance didn't move her creepy blue eyes from Abby as she held Hoagie down in a lip-lock. She pushed him back up and walked away impassively.
"Bye, see you at the party."
Abby placed her hands on her hips and waited until Constance was out of earshot before unleashing her wrath.
"Oh hell no! Constance? Really?! Boy, don't be an idiot!" Her red cap whipped his head. Maybe if she got mad at him he wouldn't notice that her heart had frozen and sunk twenty stories in her stomach when she saw them kissing.
Hoagie was utterly bewildered, having just been unexpectedly kissed and then yelled at within the span of a minute.
"What's wrong with Constance?"
"She's creepy as hell! Did you notice she didn't even blink while she was kissing you? That girl has the emotional range of a potato!"
Hoagie had noticed, and it was a little weird. But on the other hand, he had just been kissed, and by someone who he legitimately might have a chance with. The situation was a bit unclear. Abby was clearly mad, though.
"She's not that bad, you don't have to be so snarky about it!"
"Oh shut it, lover boy." Her voice was cold as ice.
She stormed away, while Hoagie's too-full locker exploded and scraps of wood and screws and wires rained down on the bewildered boy.
~3x4~ Not So Ice After All
Wally curled and uncurled his fingers, trying to stay awake.
He thought it might be easier if he listened to Ms. Thompson's math lecture first, it might give him a head start for tutoring. Then Abby wouldn't have to explain everything from scratch. Ms. Thompson's voice droned. Why did she have to make math sound so boring? Negative numbers were so much cooler when Abby explained them. He rested his head in the crook of his arm. A quick break. Then he'd go back to listening…
His footsteps echoed plaintively in the dark corridor. Tap tap, tap tap. He was running now. Tap tap tap tap! But the corridor was black and it stretched out infinitely. How was he ever going to get there?
He ran. He had to make it. He had an incredibly important message to deliver. But time was running out. So he ran and ran but he couldn't reach the end of the corridor. There was a blue light coming from behind him. It was too late!
People snickered.
Wally's eyes snapped open.
"What?" he mumbled.
"Wallabee," said Ms. Thompson, leaning over his desk. "I don't think it's appropriate to be saying 'I love you' to a teacher-" the class was howling with laughter now, "-and normally I would dock you for sleeping during class, but it won't matter because you're probably going to flunk out tomorrow anyways after our pop test… Um, I probably shouldn't have said that."
His head was spinning. The bell rang, sparing him more embarrassment, and his classmates filed out, glancing back at him with laughter.
He gathered his stuff. Was there really going to be a test tomorrow? Had he really just said "I love you" to a teacher? How humiliating! He couldn't remember saying it, he must've been asleep and dreaming about something else. Regardless, he was screwed for the exam tomorrow.
There was a sinking feeling in his gut that he wasn't going to make it. The same way he never made it to the end of that corridor in his dreams, he felt like he might not make it through that test tomorrow. What if he got shipped to Australia and never came back?
He cursed so loudly, he startled a group of freshman girls in the hallway, and they eeped! and scuttled away from him.
Calm down, he told himself. It wasn't over yet. He still had a chance to pass that test.
His phone beeped. Email.
It was from KANGAROO AIRLINES. Flight to Australia, Reservation Confirmation for Wallabee Beatles, it read. What? No, that couldn't be right… Wally immediately dialed his mother.
"Oh honey," she said sadly. "You weren't supposed to see that until after you flunked your test."
"But I haven't flunked it yet!" he shouted. People stared in the hallways, he didn't care.
"Wally, be realistic. We've known and accepted long ago that you just weren't smart enough to make it through high school. Do you know how much your father and I have scrimped and saved to buy these plane tickets to send you to military school? You should be grateful."
"It's not over yet!" he screamed and hurled his phone into the lockers. It left a dent in somebody's locker. The phone fell to the ground, shattered.
It didn't matter anyways. After tomorrow, he'd be gone forever. All because he was too stupid to pass a math test.
Wally dropped himself to the floor, where he sat against the lockers, crouching, elbows on knees, head in his hands.
Some time later, he didn't know how long, time seemed irrelevant now that he had none of it left, someone found him sitting there.
"Wally, what's wrong?" Her hand was on his sleeve. "You weren't answering your phone-"
Kuki.
He glanced up. It was the last person he wanted to see.
Kuki, her glossy black hair, her delicate cheekbones, her eyebrows furrowed together and her mouth drawn in a small line, the perfect look of concern, she was simply radiating beauty, emanating goodness, an angel of perfection staring down at him, him, a worm in the dirt, crawling, writhing, ugly, so easily picked up and pinched to death. Kuki was so good it hurt him. And even if by some miracle he could do something to deserve her, he would never see her again after tomorrow.
Was he crying? Was he wiping his face with his sleeve?
"Go away," he muttered. He couldn't stand to look at her anymore.
"What happened?" She crouched next to him. She was still touching his arm.
Why did she have to look at him like that? Why couldn't she hate him, call him stupid like everyone else? It would make it easier to leave her behind.
"Leave me alone. I don't wanna talk to you." She wasn't leaving.
"Is this because of the math test?"
"No," he said. Yes, he thought. "It's over," he said. Everything's over. My life is over.
"What do you mean? What's over?" Her lip trembled. "I thought you, I thought we-"
"You thought wrong." The words were ice and he couldn't stop them. It was better this way. She would be glad to see him go.
Her face was scrunched up, broken. Another beautiful thing he'd broken. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and she made no effort to hide them.
"Stop it," she said, and now Wally had the urge to put his arm around her to comfort her in a weird twist of emotion. But he didn't.
"Stop it," she repeated, crying. "Stop acting so stupid."
He froze.
"No, I didn't mean it like that-" she hastily wiped her eyes but it was too late. He turned away from her. She was facing the back of his neck now, and he wouldn't turn around.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" she said, but she got nothing but the back of his jacket. Wally didn't turn around, Wally didn't say anything. It was a cold, empty silence. It was almost worse than being alone.
Kuki pulled herself up, holding a hand up to her mouth, as if she was barely able to keep her face from shattering into pieces. She ran away.
Now Wally was truly alone.
~3x5x2~ Where's Wally?
See? I told you so.
Kuki read and reread Ashley's text in her mind over and over as she curled into a crying ball on her bed. Her friend was right all along, Wally didn't actually care about her. It was all a ruse, a farce, a game that she had been duped into playing, and for a second she actually fell for it. But in reality, she was nothing more than a toy. A Raggedy Ann. An ugly porcelain doll. Used for kicks and then cast aside. Now she was back to sitting alone in the blackness. Maybe she had never left the darkness. The darkness had never left her. It was one and the same thing. She was perpetually the girl from her nightmares, curled up, crying alone in the darkness. Alone, always alone, until that blue light happened and she woke up. Where was that blue light now? Why couldn't she wake up from this?
Her phone rang; she didn't want to answer it. It stopped ringing.
It rang again.
She begrudgingly looked at it. It was Abby.
Slowly, even though her arm felt heavy like it was made of lead, she accepted the call.
The first thing Abby asked was if Kuki had seen Wally around. He hadn't shown up for tutoring and Abby thought he might hanging out with Kuki.
Kuki started crying again.
There was a pause and then a shuffling at the other end, as if Abby were rearranging something. "All right, girl," she said gently. "Tell me what happened."
Kuki hiccuped into the phone and told her everything. About the pop math test that Ms. Thompson had scheduled, about how Wally smashed his phone, about how she found him sitting in the halls, about how he told her to go away, about how she'd accidentally told him to quit acting stupid.
And now he was missing and Abby couldn't find him. Abby was afraid that Wally would try to skip the math test tomorrow, which would mean he'd automatically flunk it and get shipped off to military school.
"Military school?" This was the first Kuki heard of that.
"Yeah, if he flunks, he's kicked out and sent to Australia."
"Oh no." Suddenly she was worried for him. Even though she was supposed to be mad at Wally, she was still worried about him. "So he's convinced he's going to fail and get sent away…" she realized. "But why wouldn't he tell me that!"
"Because he's afraid," said Abby. "He's afraid of losing you."
"I don't understand." If he didn't want to lose her, why would he push her away? Kuki was shaking her head, even though Abby couldn't see her. "Abby, I need some time to think about this."
Abby understood. "Kuki, holler if there's anything Abby can do for you. I mean it. Call me anytime."
"I will," said Kuki quietly. "Just promise me you'll find him."
Well, at least it sounded like Kuki was feeling a little better at the moment, but Abby still had a problem. Wally was missing. And Abby was not ready to let him throw away all of their hours of tutoring and give up on that math test.
Ok, so he definitely wasn't with Kuki. She could try Bruce. She found his cell number and called it (found courtesy of her super-sleuthing skills), but he didn't know. She found Wally's home phone number, but his mother hadn't seen him either. She even tried Wally's dad's work, and after being yelled at by an angry voice (How did you get this number? This is a top-secret Company Inc. phone number for adults only!) she was finally connected to Mr. Beatles, who also hadn't seen Wally.
Hm.
Someone else came to mind, who might know where he was, and she almost dropped her phone thinking about him. Were Hoagie and Wally friends, maybe? She was in no mood to call Hoagie, who she had caught smooching with the creepy Constance a couple of hours ago. Thinking about it still made her pissed.
But she didn't have any other choice, did she?
"Hey!" he answered her call, cheerfully as ever.
Hey yourself, you stupid idiot. She thought it, but of course didn't say it. "Have you seen Wally?" she asked coldly.
But he hadn't.
She groaned. Now she was starting to worry.
"Did you try Kuki?" Hoagie suggested.
"Yes," She answered curtly. She wasn't about to open that can of worms.
"Oh, hm, what about his house? Or his other friends, Bruce and Joe?"
Aha, she forgot about Joe! "No, I haven't called Joe. I'll do that, bye."
It was such a cold, quick goodbye that Hoagie sounded concerned. "Abby, are you ok?"
"I'm fine!" she managed to snap before she hung up.
She was still fuming when she dialed Joe's cell, but he didn't answer.
"Argh!" She slammed down her phone. But she knew where to find him.
~2x5~ Balooka
Lime Ricky's wasn't supposed to be open today, but Abby could hear voices inside the bar anyways. From what she knew about Joe, there was a good chance she'd find him here, and she also had a hunch he would know where Wally had disappeared. She snuck behind the building to where there was a broken window at the back entrance, shoddily covered up with planks of wood. She reached inside, through the broken pane, groping for the lock on the other side, but her hand dug into a shard of glass and was sliced open.
"Ah!" She cursed and withdrew her bleeding hand.
"Need some help?"
She jumped.
"Hoagie? What are you doing here?"
"I had the same idea you did! I used to know Joe, I figured if he's not answering his cell, he might be hanging out here."
"Why do you care about finding Wally all of a sudden?"
He shifted nervously but Abby couldn't make out his face in the dark. "You sounded pretty upset on the phone, so I wanted to make sure that you were, I mean, that Wally was ok. I guess he's sort of my friend, maybe? So can I help you?"
Abby clutched her dripping hand, making up her mind. Finally, she relaxed. "I've got a bandage in my knapsack. Can you grab it for me?"
He nodded, unzipped her pack, pulled out a roll of gauze and a water bottle, and helped her rinse off the wound and wrap it up. With a bandaged hand, Abby punched through the remaining glass pane: there was a tinkling and then a click as she finally managed to open the lock from the inside.
"Whoa," whispered Hoagie in awe. He'd never illegally broken into anywhere before.
"Follow me, quietly," she whispered to him. "Don't let the pirates see you. All we need to find is Joe. Or Wally, if he's here."
They tiptoed carefully through a damp corridor towards the sound of laughter, where they reached a door leading into the main room of bar. Abby motioned towards the door, opening it just a crack for them to peer through.
Hoagie was relieved to see the bar was much emptier than the first time he had been there, when he had to save Abby from the clutches of a pirate gang. Only three tables were occupied. One had a couple scraggly-looking pirates, one had a group of men in suits chewing licorice and drinking from mugs of root beer, and the last one had Joe twirling a bottle of cola, head lowered in a serious conversation with a man in white and someone wearing a football helmet.
"Is that Lenny?" he whispered to Abby, but she was only silent and frowning. He couldn't tell if she was surprised or angry, or maybe neither, to see him there.
The man in white stood up, smoothing down his crisp white suit jacket and fixing his already impeccable gray hair. He shook hands with Joe, and then he and Lenny walked away from the table.
"Now," said Abby, and the two of them slithered into the bar, where Abby grabbed Joe by the neck of his trench coat and dragged him out the back door. "Quiet," she hissed into his ear before he could protest. "Or I'll call your mother and tell her where you are."
Outside in the back alley, Joe scowled as he recognized their faces in the moonlight. He glanced shiftily side to side beneath the rim of his fedora, but there was nowhere to run. He tilted his head up with a forced smile.
"Abigail Lincoln, I should've known that was you. What'll it be? The usual?" Joe glanced at Hoagie. "Why'd you bring this loser over here?"
Hoagie scowled at Joe. "Remind me, why aren't we friends anymore?"
"Not now, Joe," said Abby. "We're looking for Wally."
Joe's eyebrow twitched, just barely, but just enough that Abby noticed. "Wally, huh? Maybe I've seen him, maybe I haven't. Can't remember." He idly swirled around the soda in his bottle.
A sideways glance from Abby caught Hoagie's eye. Was she half-smiling at him again? He didn't know what this look meant.
"Well, if you decide you remember something useful," she said. "We could make a sweet deal."
"C'mon Abby, do you really think I'd sell out my friend that easily?"
"No, you're right. It's not worth a couple of lollipops." She grabbed Hoagie's arm. "Hoagie, let's go."
Joe's eyebrow shot up again and even Hoagie noticed it this time. "Wait, lollipops?" he stared at them and lowered his voice. "How did you-? I mean, they're highly illegal for non-adults, and I thought the pirates were hoarding all of the lollipops left-"
"Don't ask where they're from. That's not part of the deal," said Abby with a smirk.
"Fine!" said Joe urgently. "I'll tell you! Wally came by not more than an hour or two ago, real depressed, I don't think I've ever seen him look so bad before, kept muttering something about a cookie and Australia, I don't know. Anyways, I gave him some of my special potation, if you know what I mean."
Hoagie didn't know what he meant, but Abby must've, because her face darkened. "Then where'd he go?" she asked.
"Beats me," Joe shrugged. "Didn't ask. Though considering the state he's in and the goods he's carrying, I bet he'd want to be alone right about now."
"Great friend you are," said Abby with sarcasm. "Here, your reward. Don't look too closely at them."
Joe's eyes glimmered as Abby reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of lollipops, the same ones Kuki had stolen from Stickybeard's beard last week. She tried not to snicker as she clutched Hoagie's arm and ran off.
"Oh my god, I haven't had a real lollipop in- wait, this is... What's on them? Is that hair? That's so gross! This is so unfair! Where the hell did you get these? Tell me!" Joe was shouting after them.
"That wasn't part of the deal!" yelled Abby back as she and Hoagie disappeared into the night. Once they got far enough away, they glanced at each other and burst into laughter.
"That was brilliant!" said Hoagie. "I can't wait to tell Constance about this adventure!"
Abby had been snorting with laughter but suddenly she sobered up. For a second, she forgot she was supposed to be mad at Hoagie for whatever he had going on with Constance.
"Oh, right, Constance. Remind me, what do you see in her again?"
"Well, it's not so much what I see in her," Hoagie replied truthfully, "It's the fact that she sees something in me. A girl who's in my league is actually interested in me."
"Are you telling me the only reason you like Constance is because you think she's the only girl interested in you? Even though she's super creepy and has like no emotions and is about as exciting as a dumpling? I'm telling you, you could do so much better-"
"Stop it!" It was the first time Abby had ever heard Hoagie yell. "Stop talking bad about her! I finally have a shot with someone, so stop ruining it for me!"
Abby shut up. He was right, she was giving him a really hard time about it. And if he really did like Constance… well, at least he was happy. She dipped her head in the dark so that her cap threw shadows across her face, hiding her expression from him. Her tone softened. "So, any ideas where Wally would go if he didn't want anybody to find him?"
Hoagie calmed down and thought. "Well, there was this one place in the woods we went once, back when he was teaching me how to fight..."
~2x5x4~ You're Home, Go Drunk
They heard him before they could see him.
"Lyin'in the woods… da na-na na-na...
'Cuz'm gonnafail… da na-na na-na…
Stupidssstupid stupid… da na-na na-na…
An'now sh'hates'me… da na-na na-na…"
A glance was exchanged between Hoagie and Abby. Worry on Hoagie's face, one cocked eyebrow on Abby's, as they tumbled out into the small moonlit clearing in the woods. Wally was sprawled out on the pine needles, waving around a can of soda pop in his hand, surrounded by one... two... three… eight... nine... ten... eleventeen... (Hoagie lost count after a while), well, a lot of empty soda cans.
"Oi! Wuddyou guys doin' here?" Wally waved the can in his hand, pointing at them. "Go away! I dunn wanna talk to you…" He threw the can at them but it missed them by at least ten feet. It hit a tree and fell into the bushes.
"Wally, you're on a sugar high!" Hoagie gasped, terrified. "Why are you- did you really just- all of that soda- on your own?"
"Well DUH!" shouted Wally, trying to sit up, but failing miserably. He flopped back onto the floor and hiccuped while Hoagie looked around frantically.
"Relax, Hoagie," said Abby. "You look like you've never seen somebody sugar high before."
"Of course I haven't!" he replied, flustered. "Soda and candy are illegal for anyone under 18! When would I have ever?"
Abby chuckled, Hoagie's innocence was adorable.
Hoagie was not only flustered, but confused. Why Wally was lying in the forest, drinking soda pop by himself into oblivion? It didn't take long to find out when Wally began mumbling to himself, something about a girl, while groping around on the ground next to him, trying to find the can he had thrown at them.
"She'shssh the idiot!" Wally slurred. "I should go tell her that." He sat up again, and this time he managed it for a few seconds, swaying a little bit, but then keeled backwards again, mumbling. "I hate her cute little nose and her, her shtupid pretty hair. Why is she so nice? I- I should go tell'er how mush I duncare about her. Yeah, because I don't. I don't care about her. At all. Sh-she needs to know- that I don't- I don't, give a crud… and that she's so pretty and I'm gonna missh her shomuch it hurts and that she sucks. Yeah. I don't give a ass's rat."
"Ohhh, so this is about Kuki, isn't it?" Hoagie looked at Abby, and finally told him the whole story. He nodded solemnly.
"Wow, love really screws things up sometimes, doesn't it?" he said, glancing back at Abby.
She exhaled sharply, staring at Hoagie's caramel hair, moonlight shimmering on his glasses. "Yeah, it does," she agreed, still looking at him.
"L-love is stupid!" came a gurgling voice. "'S why I dun love anybody. 'Cept you guys, you guys are the best," slurred Wally.
Abby straightened her cap. "Ok, here's what we're gonna do," she said matter-of-factly. "We're gonna sober him up, put him to bed, and then make sure he makes it to his math test tomorrow. Now, I don't know where he lives, but I could easily sleuth that out-"
"He can crash with me," interrupted Hoagie. "At my place, and that way I can make sure he goes to school. It'll be like a slumber party!"
"Nooo," wailed Wally. "I hate slumber parties. Don't make me wear those braids again, I dunn wanna be a girl…"
Abby nodded at Hoagie. Now all they had to do was get that fit Australian teenager off the forest floor and to Hoagie's house. She motioned to Hoagie, who crouched down on the other side of Wally, and together they hoisted him up halfway. Then on the count of three, they grabbed him under the armpits and yanked him up so he was on his feet.
"Whoa!" said Wally, opening and closing his eyes. "Why are the four of you spinning me around like that?"
With one of Wally's arms around each of their necks, Abby and Hoagie dragged him away, out of the forest, towards Hoagie's home. It was a slow and strenuous process, because Wally did not feel very much like walking.
"Just leave me behind-" he mumbled. "It's too late for me. You guys go ahead, save yourselves… "
Abby glanced sideways and caught Hoagie's eye, her mouth thin and twitching, moonlight outlining her lips, and once again he couldn't fully decipher her expression. A little bit of amusement, a little bit of exasperation. And maybe something else, but he couldn't tell what it was.
One long haul and several groans from Wally later, they arrived at Hoagie's doorstep.
"You make sure he gets to school and takes that exam, all right?"
Hoagie nodded.
"All right." Abby stared at him a bit longer than he was expecting. She looked tired, but even so the moonlight glowed on her dark skin, played with the shadows on her face, and there was something beautiful and ethereal about the way she turned and loped away, bathed in moonlight. Hoagie suddenly realized she looked sad. He'd seen Abby's poker face, he'd seen her annoyed, and he'd seen her in that mildly amused, half-smiling state. But he'd never seen her look sad before.
"Good night," he whispered, though she was long gone and there was just Wally's head flopping onto his shoulder, babbling in his sleep.
~1~ Visitors
"-what are we going to do with...?"
"-no, drag him over here-"
"-try scraping it off with a stick, don't touch it with your hands!"
The voices in the cave sounded muffled, fading in and out, as though Nigel was hearing them talk through a wall. His body felt hot and aching. He could still feel where the lump of green rain had hit his skull.
"-ok, there's not much left-"
"-good, wipe off the rest with a rag and then burn it-"
"-are we safe now?"
"-no, we can't stay here-"
"-what about...?"
"-we'll carry him."
"-he's burning…"
Nigel couldn't tell what was going on, it was as if somebody was pressing a fog down onto all of his senses, everything was hazy and muffled and distorted. He was sweating, and could barely open his eyes. There were hands on him. His head throbbed where he'd gotten hit by the green rain, he closed his eyes. His eyes fluttered again, but everything was black fog. There were raindrops hitting his face. Were they outside? The raindrops were cold and he didn't like it.
"No…" he moaned. He was so hot he was shivering.
"Sh!" said a voice. Nigel's eyes fluttered back closed.
Black.
There was a buzzing noise. Nigel didn't like it, he wanted it go away. The buzzing noise grew louder. He recognized it. "No," he murmured. "That noise, they're coming…"
Hushed whispers, shuffling feet. Rain trickling.
"-we're going to put you down, okay Nigel? Don't move-"
Lightning flashed in the distance. One, two, three, four, five seconds. Rumbling. A mile away. Lightning again. One, two, three… A hum. A zap. This was no lightning. A whirring. Footsteps. Voices.
"Show yourself!" boomed a voice. "By the authority of the Galactic Kids Next Door, I command you to reveal yourself!"
Silence. Rain pattering.
"We know you're here, Numbuh 1! Numbuh 274 told us everything. Tell us where you are, and nobody needs to get hurt."
Numbuh 1. That sounded familiar. That was him. He was Numbuh 1. But he didn't want to go with them. They were evil. "No, they're bad, I don't want to-" he muttered, and someone clamped a hand over his mouth. "Sh! You'll give us away!"
"This is your last warning, Uno! Or we're going to take you the hard way. You can't hide from us, you can't fight us. You remember what happens when you get hit with a S.N.O.T.-D.O.T., don't you Nigel? Send us a tracking signal, delays your reaction time, causes sensory distortion. It's only a matter of time before we find you."
There was a yell, a rustling of grass, as though someone was hacking away at the reeds.
"FOUND YOU! What? You, boy! What are you doing?"
A cool, calm voice answered. "Enjoying the rain. Doesn't it feel nice?"
"You. You're Wally's brother, aren't you? What are you doing out of school?"
"I like to come here. Alone. To enjoy the rain, you know. Then the weirdest thing happened. I swear, the rain turned green for a moment. And the green rain didn't feel very nice, so I wiped it off."
The mystery voice clicked its teeth. "You're lying. You're hiding something. Have you seen a teenager recently? Bald, sunglasses, traitor written all over his face?"
"No idea know who you're talking about. I think you have a bad case of false alarm."
There was a scuffling, and a fumbled clicking, as though someone was clumsily drawing a weapon.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said Joey, voice clear and crisp.
"I'm not the law-breaker here. You're a contaminated sub-13 Earthling on the loose, which gives the GKND the power to do whatever they want with you. We're taking you back to school, and we don't care if it's alive or dead."
A pause. Then a shout. "Vigilantes, battle stations!"
The screams of five children pierced the air. Nigel was left concealed behind a rock, but he hoisted himself up over the edge just enough to glimpse what was going on.
It was the boy from the bus stop, the one who had attacked Nigel earlier, possibly named David. He was flanked by three silhouettes wearing bulky uniforms, and he was holding a neon blue device at Joey. It fired, once, a bright blue ball of light came shooting out, but Joey rolled onto his side on the ground away from it, and in one fluid motion, launched himself back up, slicing the air with his stick, and David stumbled back.
The four other children charged out into the clearing, Raya sprung at the person on the right, but he immediately punched her and she smashed into the ground.
Meanwhile, Sammy was shouting. "Beans!" Jessica reached into a knapsack and pull out a can of beans. Sammy loaded it onto a scrappy slingshot made of rulers duct-taped to rubber bands and launched it at the figure on the left.
"Carrots!" Jessica handed him a bunch of long, pointy carrots. They sailed through the air.
"Two-month old cafeteria leftovers!" Jessica scooped out something slimy with a spoon, and Sammy fired it. It landed with a splotch on the figure on the left, and they toppled straight over, twitching on the ground.
"Got 'em!" Sammy and Jessica hi-fived.
The second figure in black chuckled and raised his foot to stomp on Raya. She saw the sole of his boot rise above her face and she gasped, throwing up her hands. She caught the shoe, and gripped it with all her strength, her arms quivering. He couldn't shake his boot free from her grasp, and she used it to push herself over and then hoist herself back up.
He growled at her, swinging his fists, but she leaned back this time. She watched him closely and mirrored his every movement, as if reading his thoughts, and she danced around him like a leaf in the air. He was growing impatient, determined to hit her, distracted by her relentlessness, when his boots got caught on something.
Jackson had crawled up next to him, right in his way, and tripped him. The figure went crashing into the ground.
Raya flashed Jackson a thumbs-up. He grinned back.
"Raya, look out!" screamed Jessica.
The third person in black had snuck up on Raya, and she was thrown aside into Jackson, and they went tumbling into the grass.
Except it wasn't a person. Jessica screamed again as the creature reached out a tentacle towards her.
"Leave her alone!" bellowed Sammy, throwing himself in front of her, holding his homemade slingshot, but he was out of ammunition. The tentacle wrapped around his leg and dragged him off, leaving Jessica grasping the air for his hand.
Joey and the teenager were still fighting.
David swung his sidearm at Joey's head, but the little boy blocked it with the end of his stick. He spun around, whipping his staff, and smacked the the teen's hand. Its fingers crumpled and the gun dropped to the ground.
David tried to charge at Joey, but even though he was nearly five heads taller than him, Joey knocked him back with his staff, one! two! three! hits that the tall skinny teenager could barely shield himself from.
He fell, and Joey placed a foot squarely on his chest, stick at his throat.
"Let me and my friends go, and I'll let you go," said Joey with a cold, sharp edge, glancing at Sammy who was still being held upside down by a tentacle, another tentacle wrapped around his mouth. He shouted, muffled.
The teen struggled, but to no use. He glared at Joey, and then glanced at Sammy hanging upside down, something sticking out of his back pocket. David's mouth twitched.
"All right, fine," he said. "Clearly, you don't know anything about Numbuh 1. We'll forget this ever happened, and you can go back to running around these fields like the little brats you are." Joey slowly released his foot but kept his staff poised, allowing the teen to get up.
The teen grabbed his two companions stirring on the ground. "C'mon Numbuhs 366H and 296E, this was a mistake. These stupid kids don't know anything, Nigel Uno's not here."
"Sammy," reminded Joey, and the teen smirked.
"Of course."
All of a sudden, his tentacle-friend dropped Sammy, and before they could tell what was going on, David had grabbed something from Sammy's back pocket and thrown the boy back to the children.
"Thanks for the info!" shouted the boy, waving a file in the air, chuckling with his companions as they were suddenly bathed in blue light.
There was a hum and a blinding flash, but as much as Nigel strained his blurred eyes he couldn't tell what had happened. He just saw the attackers there one moment and gone the next.
"No!" yelled Sammy, pulling himself up out of the dirt. "The file! They stole Nigel's file from my pocket!"
But they were long gone. Joey shook his head.
Nigel's limbs were feeling tingly, as if they'd fallen asleep and were now coming back. It felt like ants crawling all over his body with tiny metal spikes attached to their feet. The cloud over his brain was starting to lift. He could sit up now, and he gazed at the five panting children standing proudly in the coming dawn, with dirt-smeared faces, torn clothing, bloodied knees.
"Why did you guys do that?" asked Nigel. "You think I'm a traitor, plus the GKND is incredibly dangerous. Why are you helping me?"
"Well, you helped us first!" said Raya, grinning proudly, her face smudged with dirt. "You pushed me out of the green rain and let it hit you instead."
"What we mean," said Joey, smiling beneath his thin-rimmed glasses. "Is that we believe in you, Nigel Uno. We don't think you betrayed the Kids Next Door."
Solemn nods from the children.
"I'm really sorry," squeaked a small voice. Sammy was looking distraught. "I should've trusted you and let you keep the file, Nigel. Then they wouldn't have stolen it."
"If it hadn't been for you, Sammy, I would probably be captured right now. And don't worry about the file, I've memorized what we need to know- the map." He smiled at them. "You guys were incredible. I haven't seen such teamwork since-"
Since my own sector, he almost said, but couldn't bring himself to say it.
Thinking about his sector sent a jab of pain into his side. Without the file, he had no more memories of Sector V. No more photographs, newspaper articles, documents, evidence of who he used to be and who his friends used to be. Now, it was back to him and his fickle memories, a vague dream of who he was.
That file was proof that he was once a somebody, and in the brief moment he had that file, he felt like somebody important. Now, he had nothing.
Joey put a hand on his shoulder, as if he knew what Nigel was thinking. "We know, Nigel," he said. "We know who you are."
Together, Nigel and the kids watched the sun break across the horizon, spilling rosy shades of pink and violent orange across the bottomless pit of space above them, shattering the night.
~?x?~
"I am most displeased."
Dark black fingertips pressed against each other and began to glow red-hot.
David gulped.
"I'm sorry, Father. I could not track him down. But I was able to find this."
The skinny teenager pulled out Nigel's file, thick with information about the Kids Next Door and the GKND. Father snatched it and scoured the papers. The red-hot glow around his head cooled slightly.
"Yes..." he mused to himself, and groped at his mouth with his hand, as though he were trying to grab ahold of something that wasn't there. He shuffled through the pages, and came across one that was bright blue. "Oho! So that's what he's after..." He chuckled to himself. "Very well then."
David began to creep backwards, uncertain if he was still needed.
"David!" Father snapped his fingers. "Not a word to the GKND about this," he said, waving the blue map. "This will be our little secret. Everything else must continue as planned. We'll still get our revenge on that pipe-stealing, traitorous brat and all of his friends. But patience, child. Now go plan your birthday party with your siblings. Because it's going to be delightful."
AN: No real author's note, but here are A Ton Of Miscellaneous Fun Facts :D
-Hoagie really does have the highest math grade in the whole school. His grade is exactly 0.2% higher than Abby Lincoln's, a fact which drives her nuts. He loves to remind her about it too, which probably isn't helping.
-As for Abby's relationship history, we get the tiniest glimpse into her past lovers. Maurice makes an appearance, as does Heinie. Now, am I referring to Heinrich or Henrietta? It's purposefully vague, make of it what you will ;)
-In case you were wondering, all of the vigilantes are based on canon characters! (except one)
-Sammy and Jessica can be found as kindergarteners in Operation R.A.B.B.I.T. She's still got her lovely Hopsy Mopsy, the very same one!
-Operation D.I.A.P.E.R. taught us where babies come from (hint, it rhymes with -iladelphia) and also introduced us to baby Jackson! He's no longer a baby, but he still wears a beanie and is a pretty quiet guy. Also, I decided he's low-key a pyromaniac. He is probably the reason why matches should be stored "out of the reach of children".
-If you're still wondering who the only non-canon character in this entire story is, I'll give you a hint (look at my username ;P)
-ACRONYMS! Let's see, we've got S.N.O.T.-D.O.T. (the green booger rain) which stands for Slimey Nose Ooze Tracks - Decommissioned Operative Teens
-There's Operation C.O.N.F.I.D.E.N.T.I.A.L (Nigel's file) which stands for Children's Organization's Full Information Disclosure: Entirely No Trusting Intergalactic Alien Lies
-And super fun fact, the blue map (which is not explicitly named), is actually named subfile S.U.B.-R.O.S.A. : Stashed Useful Backup - Recovery Of Secret Agency
-I haven't said this yet, but it's definitely time to: I love getting your feedback! Thanks to you for reviewing/faving/following/reading the story so far. I love hearing what you think. Whether you like it, hate it, or think it's "meh," I'd love to know that. Even if you leave a review that's nothing but the word "meh," I will read that comment again and again and again and treasure it forever *u*
-There's actually illustrations for each chapter O.o you can find them at my deviantart! (username man5ray)
HAPPY SATURDAY! :D