Of all the thing I expected her to say, that was not it.
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Her inability to let me die. How comfortable I was around her from day one. Her family's willingness to risk their lives over a human they barely knew.
I should have known.
I can't believe how dumb, how oblivious, I was. This explained everything. Like my reaction when she got hurt and why I begged her not to go out looking for Victoria again.
Then something crossed my mind. Tanya had told me that Alice sent her to Forks. Was this the reason Alice sent her? "Did Alice know?"
"She figured it out, the first night you tried to kill yourself," Tanya replied. "At the time we were simply the closest and Alice knew we would help. But as soon as she decided to call us to help, she had a vision of us together. She knew you weren't going to die, not then."
"Did you know, when you saved me?" I wanted to know. I don't think the answer would change anything. I was simply curious.
"I knew," she confirmed. "Alice never told me. She didn't need to. As soon as I saw you, I knew. Laurent wanted me to turn you. But I couldn't do it. Those emotions you felt then. They would have carried over. You would have been suicidal and still in love with him. On top of that you would have realized the mating bond. Not a good combination."
"What changed?" I asked.
"Since your first attempt Alice has been watching your decisions. Anytime you made a decision to kill yourself and Alice saw you acting on it she told us. Since we've known you, you've tried three times. But Alice said your thoughts of suicide and the many decisions have slowly gone down," Tanya explained.
I ate slowly in an attempt to process through everything Tanya was telling me. "Did you plan on telling me when you brought me here?" I whispered.
"Honestly, no," Tanya answered. "I brought you here for a date." I dropped my fork in surprise. "It was actually Jasper who urged me to tell you the truth. He reminded me that you don't like secrets."
Jasper was right. "So, what happens now?" I asked.
"What do you want to happen?" Tanya countered.
"I… don't know," I said honestly. I had come to terms with the fact that I cared about Tanya. But love I wasn't so sure about. I wasn't sure if I could handle loving someone, vampire or not, again. I didn't know if I could survive the pain of losing someone again.
"There's no pressure Bella," Tanya promised. "I've waited a thousand years for you. I can wait a few more if needed."
"That sounds too easy," I said skeptically.
"It's not supposed to be hard," Tanya told me. "The Cullens, they try to hard to deny their nature. In the end, they made things harder for themselves. My family and I, we've learned to embrace our nature, instead of seeing it as a curse."
The rest of the meal was silent. Halfway through Tanya gave up trying to eat. I was surprised she managed to eat half the plate. Tanya paid, leaving a tip that was more than the cost of the meal, and we left the restaurant.
"Are you cold?" Tanya asked, taking her blazer off. She draped it around my shoulders and we continued to walk through the streets.
"Last time I was here Ed…Edward saved me from a group of guys," I told her. Tanya tensed up beside me. I pointed out the Italian restaurant. "That's where he told me he could read minds."
"Do you want to leave?" Tanya asked.
I shook my head and leaned against her. Despite her cold body I felt warm. "No," I answered. "I want to stay. Can we go to that brewery down the road? I want to get Charlie some beer."
"Of course. How do you plan on buying beer when you're only eighteen?" Tanya teased.
"I was hoping a certain thousand-year-old vampire could help," I told her.
Tanya laughed. "I think I can help with that."
We walked in the brewery. There was a man behind the podium. His eyes narrowed at the sight of me. He must have known I was under twenty-one. Luckily the sight of Tanya distracted him.
"We need a case of your finest beer," Tanya told the man.
"Of course," he stuttered. "I'll go get that right away."
"Human males are too easy," Tanya muttered.
A few minutes later the man returned with the case of beer. "That will be $21.23," he told us. Before I could attempt to pull out my wallet Tanya was already swiping her credit card. "Have a good day." Taya grabbed the beer and we headed back to the car.
"We should go back to Forks," Tanya said. "That way you can sleep a few hours before we have to meet the others."
It was starting to get dark when we got back to Forks. She parked at the Cullen house and we ran back to my house.
"Sleep Bella," Tanya told me. "I'll wake you when it's time."
I loved closer to her cool body. Within minutes I was asleep.
"Bella," Tanya whispered, gently shaking me awake. "It's almost midnight."
I groaned and rolled over. "How long have I been asleep?" I asked.
"Three and a half hours," Tanya replied. "Would you rather stay?"
"No," I said shaking my head. "I want to go." Besides, the wolves and vampires were less likely to kill each other if there was a human there.
"Grab a jacket," Tanya instructed. "We need to stop at the house so I can change." She gestured to the pantsuit she was still wearing.
"Why didn't you change while I slept?" I asked, grabbing my jacket like she said.
"I didn't want to leave you," she said honestly. "The others were hunting and there was no one to keep an eye on you."
"I would have been fine," I told her.
Tanya shook her head. "I wasn't going to risk it. I will never risk your safety especially with a psychotic vampire after you."
She pulled me into her arms and we ran back to the Cullen house. She dropped me on the couch while she went upstairs to change.
Minutes later we were in the clearing. The wolves, the Denali's and Alice and Jasper were already there when we arrived. Tanya placed on a tree stump. "Stay here," she instructed. "I don't want to risk you getting hurt."
I pulled my sweater closer to my body. It was colder than I expected. I knew they could all hear my teeth chattering as I watched Tanya and Jasper spar, or tried to watch. They were too fast for me to see much.
Sam jogged over to me. He sat down beside me and opened his arms. I stared at him, unsure what he was doing. "You're cold. My body is warm. Our temperature runs about 110 degrees. Don't worry. Tanya approves."
I glanced at Tanya and she nodded. I scooted closer to Sam and sighed in relief when I immediately warmed up. "Thanks. Why are you human and the rest of them aren't?"
"The Pack doesn't trust the vampires," Sam explained. "I trust Tanya, to an extent."
"Why are they here then?" I questioned.
Sam shrugged against me. "Most want the chance to kill a vampire. Even though they don't like, or trust, the vampires they are grateful to learn how to defend the tribe. Not that they would ever admit it."
"Jacob," I began.
"Is on the Rez," Sam finished. "I allowed him to phase so he can hear what is going on, and in case something happens. We have telepathy when phased," he added when he saw my confused look. "But he's not allowed to be near you, or the Denali's."
I winced as Jasper threw Laurent into a tree. Laurent may be older but Jasper was definitely the better fighter. "They're fine," Sam assured me.
"I know," I said. I knew they would never actually hurt each other.
Jasper turned his attention to the wolves. "Would any of you like to try?"
"Are you warm enough?" Sam asked. I nodded. "I will." Sam pulled away from me and jogged over to Jasper.
Tanya came over to my side. I leaned against her. "Are you warm enough?"
"Yes," I said. I watched as Sam phased.
"Remember not to go for the obvious kill," Jasper warned him. "Newborns will be expecting that. And never let them get their arms around you. You will lose."
Sam nodded and they began circling each other.
Alice danced over to our side. "Hi Bella," she greeted nervously.
"Hi Alice." I had to admit, even though I was still mad at her, I did miss her.
"Are you worried about the newborns?" she asked.
"Yeah," I admitted. Sam flew into a tree. "I have a bad feeling something is going to happen." I looked at Alice. "Have you seen anything?"
"I can't see around the wolves," Alice admitted. It sounded like it pained her to admit it. "If I look far enough into the future, I see all of us alive. But that's it."
"But…"
"Not buts Bella," Tanya interrupted. "We are going to win. It's okay to believe that."
"History says otherwise," I pointed out.
"That wasn't us," Alice interjected. "That was because Carlisle didn't want to kill James. If he had let us deal with James from the beginning then none of that, what happened in Phoenix, would have happened. You wouldn't have lied to me and Jasper." She glared at me. I winced. I didn't realize she was still upset over that. "All of it would have been avoided. Carlisle didn't like it when I pointed that out to him."
I didn't want to believe it. But I did. Because I knew Carlisle and his desire to preserve life. Even if that life was trying to end mine.
"Is he alright?" I asked when Sam was thrown into another tree. The wolves all growled as Sam got up.
"He's fine. Jasper won't do any permanent harm," Alice promised. "I think he's enjoying himself."
"Which one?" I asked, glancing back and forth between the snarling wolf and the grinning Jasper
"Both," Tanya replied. "Perhaps too much fun on Jasper's part."
"He does like training people," Alice admitted. The smallest of the wolves traded places with Sam.
"You should talk to Alice," Tanya whispered in my ear. "I know you want to. What's stopping you?"
I glanced at Alice. She was watching Jasper and the smallest wolf. Jasper didn't seem to be trying at all, as the wolf threw Jasper into a tree. I knew Alice could hear us, but either she was too focused on Jasper or she was doing her best to respect our privacy.
"I'm afraid of getting hurt again," I confessed. Alice's mouth twitched slightly and I knew she wanted to say something.
"I know you miss her Bella," Tanya said. I shivered. She tried to pull away but I held her close.
Sam jogged over as if being called. "Don't mind me," he said wrapping his arms around me.
Tanya didn't seem at all bothered by his presence. "I won't forgive them for what they've done but I know how much they mean to you," Tanya continued. "Talk to her."
"Tomorrow," I decided. I looked at Alice as I spoke. She nodded. I wasn't sure how I felt about the inevitable conversation between us. On the one hand Tanya was right. I did miss Alice. I even missed Jasper. On the other hand, what I told Tanya still rang true. I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want to get close to them, only for them to turn around and leave me again.
"Bella," Tanya said shaking me.
"What's going on?" I mumbled sleepily.
"You fell asleep," Tanya said. "We're done here. Are you ready to go home?"
"Yeah," I said. I yawned. "Why didn't you just take me home?"
"You're a little tied up at the moment," Tanya answered.
It took me a moment to realize it wasn't Tanya's arm I was in. It was Sam. He was fast asleep next to me, using his body to keep me warm. "Right." I gently shook Sam's shoulder. "Sam, wake up." I was suddenly aware of how warm he was. "A little help?"
Tanya grinned at me and touched Sam's shoulder. The cold of her skin was enough to make him jump up. "What the hell?" he yelped.
"You were going to give my mate heatstroke," Tanya said with a shrug. She pulled me into her arms. "Are you ready Bella?" I nodded and she took off.