Chapter 10
Woahhh we're halfway there.. Woahhh living on a prayer (can't stop won't stop)
8th March 1917 – Private 2 Jorel Decker's p.o.v
Today is Danny's last night on the fieldcraft exercise and sometime either tomorrow morning or the afternoon he will be coming back to camp. I have missed him a lot and I knew that he was not happy about going, but he knows that he has do it as part of his training or he will never get passed this level of training if he didn't and he is destined to be one of the top ranking officers in this army. Even us in the Tank crew don't get away with missing out on that exercise. At least we can learn about how we can survive should our tank explode. It is essential if we were to be deployed on the battlefield in France and our tank were to explode due to the battle then we would need to be confident enough to flee if necessary and survive until back up arrives.
"I hope Danny is doing alright out there," Rigo tells me. We were watching the sun come up through the window, by sitting on the dresser closest to Danny's bed. I have caught Rigo before on the dresser when I have needed the bathroom in the middle of the night and he would be watching Danny sleep as I suppose it brought him some comfort. Danny always looks at peace when he is asleep unless he has a nightmare. It is like nothing bothers him. "I'm sure he will be fine. He will be with Dylan and they have become close as of late," I tell him. I am sure what is going on between Dylan and Danny is more than brotherly, but if they are too afraid to tell us then I shall keep it a secret until they themselves feel confident to share that.
"I suppose you are right. I trust Dylan with little brother's life. I would just feel more comfortable having him back," Rigo tells me. He considers me to be another little brother which is quite nice when my own family didn't care for me really. I have definitely been adopted by the Murillo family unofficially by everyone bar the father. I suppose I don't wish to be adopted by their father, that would mean that I would be subjected to the same treatment. I would not even wish for the German people or their allies to go through what Danny, Rigo and Kyle have been through and to a certain extent still go through today even if they are thousands of miles away. "Definitely, he will come back a stronger man if that was possible," I tell him.
In doing what he is doing he is facing one of his biggest fears. Danny last did something like this only 17 years ago. He is only 21 now and has the military experience which would probably be half of his age in terms of years. "He will, just as I and Kyle did when we were in his shoes. It is hard for someone so young to relive the trauma especially when you have to hide it from everyone you know," Rigo tells me. We knew Danny was starting to get the hang of hiding his nightmares from people now even if we were the only ones he had opened up to. If I went through any of what I have seen and heard about Danny's childhood I would have nightmares as well. I am surprised that I didn't have nightmares myself from just hearing about it.
The night after he found out he was going on the exercise Danny and I spent a long time going though the night which went so horribly wrong and was a prime example of why their father has failed them in so many was since they were only one year old. The first year of life must have been the best for all three of them yet it is so unfortunate that they would never be able to remember it. That would be the only proof that they would ever have of their father actually loving and care for them in the way that they should be. Rigo should have always been the older brother, the one who would be inheriting the father's estate and business. However Rigo always found himself stepping in for his father's role and calm his brothers down and raise them.
"Do you think you would have ever adopted your brothers if things were different?" I ask him. I know if it were possible for me to have been a lot older than Danny that I would have pushed for adoption and to take him away from his father. "Maybe but knowing how well mother has coped with all of this and was a lifeline to all of us that I would feel cruel especially after that night when he was five," Rigo tells me. Thinking about it further I am more inclined to agree with Rigo. Margo even became a mother of sorts to me. Her love for her children is something that I think all women strive to achieve. She would often have to do more than a usual mother would especially when it came to picking up the pieces after her husband's destruction.
January 11th 1901 – Daniel Murillo's p.o.v – Aged 5
I'm currently sitting on the floor by the fire playing with my little teddy bear. Father said he was preparing a surprise for me in the garden. He told me that Rigo and Kyle also had this surprise a few months after their fifth birthday and now it is my turn. Rigo and Kyle were told not to talk to me about it, father said if they did they would ruin the surprise and get into trouble. I never asked them because of this, but I am desperate to know why. I am trying to not get too impatient because father would hit me if he caught me acting impatient. All I could know about it was that it was in the garden and once he was finished with it he would take me outside and show me. Mother is sitting in her chair and said she was knitting me a new blanket.
She didn't talk about my surprise either, maybe father told her not to tell me as well. Even my sister was not allowed to tell me anything. She was not even allowed to play with me which was something that I wanted. Kyle and Rigo get to play with me when they are not doing work. Father told them to work today, I suspect so there is not a chance that they will get into trouble for telling me what the secrets are. "Daniel, when you go outside please leave your teddy inside," mother tells me. She never allows us to take our toys anywhere outside of the house in case they get ruined. She told me that we cannot afford to get another one. "Yes mama," I tell her. I only call her mama when father is not around, he would rather me call her mother.
"You've always been such a good boy," she tells me. I just try my best to be the good boy everyone wants to me. I do not want to do anything wrong which would make father want to hit me. I do not think my plan is working very well though, he has not stopped hitting me no matter how well I behave during the day. He will always find something wrong with what I do. I give my mother my teddy when father calls me that my surprise is ready. I was a little scared, but I have to be brave because he would most certainly hit me if he knew I was scared. I follow behind him as he walks into our back yard where there was a Basha, he already told me what that was before. I would listen to him when he would teach my brothers about the army.
"Now my boy, when I was your age my father would make me sleep in this very Basha for one night after I turned five years old and now it is your turn as your brothers before you," he tells me. Camping in the Basha does not sound too scary. From what father had already told me, it did not seem so bad after all. I did not respond to father because he only wanted me to talk to him when he asked me a question. We both sat inside the Basha and I didn't notice anything unusual. Then all of a sudden father left and went back into the house, locking the door behind him. I studied the Basha more and realised that I was going to be spending the night alone, in the dark with nothing for warmth or light. I didn't even have food or drink.
I am starting to believe that my grandfather did not do this with father and he is just making it up to make himself sound better. I am going to have to ask Rigo about this when this is over. It is only late afternoon; I can do this. I can make my father proud of me. At least it is not raining and there is a light by the back door when it gets dark. Although I have a feeling that I am not going to get that light if father has his own way. All I can do is lie down on the ground and pray to God that this is over quicker than I expect it too. I am used to not eating much, so going without dinner tonight did not phase me one bit. I am not sure how I will feel about sleeping in the dark though, I have never done that before. Mother had always left a candle lit in my room at night.
Then the rain came, and with it some thunder and lightning. I no longer felt safe in the little Basha I am being made to sleep in as I hear the storm rage over my head. I want my mama and my brothers. I really do not like this anymore. This is not fun anymore; this is far from fun. I would probably compare this to the descriptions of hell that I have heard about in the bible mother would read to me every day. Part of me is glad that father is not here to watch me. I was curled up in the tightest ball possible, crying and whimpering. I could hear Rigo arguing with father inside, they were both shouting at the top of their lungs, like usual when father goes and does something that he does not like.
He will be forced to stay in the house the entire time. Father would not allow anyone to interfere when it was his turn and Kyle's turn even if I weren't born during those times. I doubt that he would let anyone interfere tonight. He would not care if I became scared of the dark or scared of thunderstorms. He would probably be happy in the fact that he will have something new to hit me over. Rigo told me fairly recently that our father would use any of our weaknesses against us and that he seems to get a lot of enjoyment out of it. It was already a little dark because of the storm and I knew night was on it's way soon. It is still winter time so the night still arrives earlier than it did in the summer time. I might have liked this a little bit if it was in the summer.
Maybe if I go to sleep then the morning will come quicker and I can go inside where it is dry and warm. Then mother can give me some of her amazing cooking and I can play with Rigo again. That would be once he has come home from school and he had done all of his chores. I curl up tighter as the storm gets worse, my tears never stopped flowing. The storm never stopped during the night which seemed to last forever. I did not sleep in the end. I was too cold, wet, and frightened to attempt to sleep. I was really tired; I have not had a night quite like this before. As soon as the light from the sun started to light up my little tent. I heard the door unlock finally after so long suffering in the cold and damp of our back yard. I never want to do this again.
I had finally ran out of tears by the time the owls had fallen asleep. There was even a squirrel who joined me for a short time, even the little animal had left me to sleep. "Aw Danny come here," Rigo tells me. He had appeared at the entrance of my little Basha, as I tried to wipe my face to try to not look like I had spent the night crying. He took me into his arms and I held on as tightly as I could. I did not want him to put me down ever again. He held me in a comforting and reassuring grip as he carried me into the house where mother was nervously waiting with a warm bath. "I knew this overnight camping was a bad idea from the start. Especially on a night like last night," Mother tells Rigo, who was in the middle of getting me ready for the bath.
"Indeed, I would not be surprised if the poor bear did not get any sleep last night and develops a fear of the dark and thunderstorms," Rigo tells mother. I was still rubbing my eyes and I was happy father was at work. He would not have let me sleep like I am sure mother will once she has done with her bath. "Mama, I do not like camping anymore," I tell her. Rigo placed me into the bath and she had started gently cleaning me of all the mud that I was covered in after my night outside. "I am sure you do not my darling. I am so sorry that you had to go through that," she tells me. I do not know why she was so sorry about it; she wasn't the one who had made me sleep in the Basha last night. Father had done and I did not like him for it.
I felt much better once the bath was done. Mother got me changed into some clean and warm clothes and sat with me on her lap in her rocking chair by the fire. Rigo placed a blanket over me as mother started to slowly rock backwards and forwards on the chair. I was fast asleep in no time, with the thoughts and memories of last night so far away now. Mama and Rigo would look after me and keep me safe I just know it. Even my other brother Kyle and my sister Lisa Marie would keep me safe, even if I did not see them before I had fallen asleep. I will be wide awake and back to acting like my usual self before father gets home from work tonight. He will never know that I had a bath or slept during the day which he disapproved of.
Back to 8th March 1917- Private 2 Jorel Decker's p.o.v
"The morning that I had to get Danny out of that Basha was one of the worst of my life. He was so small and frightened. I thought he was going to scream if I dared touch him. I was lucky he sought that comfort from me that father would never give him. I still do not forgive father for the trauma he inflicted on Danny that night," Rigo says, as he recounts the night of the 11th of January 1901. I did know and play with Danny back then and even I had noticed that something was different about Danny after that night. He was a lot quieter than usual and a heck of a lot more prone to jumping. He had become scared of both the dark and the thunderstorm. Though he is not one to admit it, we both know he is still scared of thunderstorms to this day.
"Definitely, that is one of the things I could never forgive your father for that either. It is one of many things that your father has done to all three of you that I can not get over in terms of just the nastiness of it all," I tell him. It is nice for Rigo to have this avenue to vent with someone about how horrible his childhood was. "Indeed, I do not often tell of how I was the one who had essentially raised Danny as a male role model. I was the one who got him over the fear of the dark and tried to help with the thunderstorms," Rigo tells me. I knew what that entailed as it was common for the male children to sleep in one bed together and the female got a single bed to herself. You would consider that to be unfair until you realise that it was the only way Danny slept at night in his early childhood.
"I know and I am sure I can speak on Danny's behalf when I tell you that without you he would not be the man he is today," I tell him and he smiles. It was almost breakfast time and we did not mind that we have less sleep than our peacefully sleeping comrades around us. We had already done most of our preparation for the day apart from clean out boots when it comes to our morning parade after both our physical training and our breakfast this morning. It is weird to have Danny's squad not their when we have our morning parades. I can not wait until tomorrow morning or afternoon when Danny's squad marches through the gates to the camp and back to his two brothers and the rest of his friends waiting for his and Dylan's return.
I count myself as a brother more than a friend, because I have been there for so long and been through so much with him. I have been in his life for 21 years which is a length of friendship rarely seen. Matthew and Jordon had only been friends for 7 years themselves. It was something which is very bizarre, it gave us some strange looks certainly when we were on the trains and in the first few weeks of training. Now people are starting to see long term friendships as good things, because in order to get the best out of your squad you need to work together and you will be made to work together for an exceptionally long time to come. Who knows when this war will end? Who knows when America will finally make their first boot prints on the beaches of France?
I know there is already one squadron out on the frontlines. It is the one with Kyle in it, however the army and Kyle are not allowed to tell us which country they have been sent to. I know that it is not France however as the French continually complain about President Woodrow Wilson's neutrality about all of this since 1914 when the war initially broke out. I suppose it is due to the rumours that the President was friends with the Huns which is the name we had adopted for the German people. It was simply not true, especially since the Germans sunk RMS Lusitania back in May 1915 and we had lost 128 American people on that day. However despite all of these rumours we are proof that the President was trying his best to strengthen his small army to be big enough to even compete with the German and Austrian-Hungarian ones.
"Mother told me last night that Lisa Marie has been forbidden by father to become a military nurse. I suppose it is for the best really, mother does not need to have her fourth child and only daughter away from her," Rigo tells me, just as the other boys had started to wake up as you could hear boots crunching on the frosty ground around us. "That is for the best even if it is disappointing for her. Mother has already got four boys out here, she does not need to lose her only daughter to the career she probably despises so much," I tell him. Again, I am counting myself as more of a member of the Murillo family than the Decker one. It is hard not to count yourself in when you felt like you fitted in more with your friends family than your own.
"Definitely. Especially when all of us fear that by us not being there anymore that father would turn his hand on mother. That is the one thing that we would never forgive ourselves for if father hurt mother because we were not around to hurt," Rigo tells me. It was definitely something even I worried about, I would rather be hurt by that monster than let him lay a hand on Margo. He doesn't really care for her anyway, so Lisa Marie is the only one who can care for her and love her while her sons are away. It was something that if Danny knew about, would make him feel even guiltier for leaving than he does already. "Maybe we should send something nice when we next send our letters. Make mother feel better about the whole situation," I tell him, as I pull my boots on.
The others were hearing our conversation but didn't contribute anything. They were used to Rigo and I having these kinds of conversations since Danny and Dylan left for the training exercise. There are a lot of things that Rigo and I talk about that we would not talk about in front of Danny purely because we want to protect him. We are not over protective, he would not be here if we were. "Definitely. We could get Danny to draw something nice maybe when he sends his next letter," Rigo says, then we hear the shouts of commanding officers making sure everyone is awake and ready for physical training. "Good idea must talk to Danny about that when he gets back," I tell him, as we lightly jog out of the door to join up with our squads.
This would be one of the last chances I get to speak with Rigo like this. The next time would be at one of the meal times or when it is closer to lights out time. I know Rigo is more anxious than the rest of us for today to fly by so that Danny can return to us tomorrow. He will want an early night, just as Danny did when he was 5 so that the night would hurry and things would be over. "Jorel, I'm sorry that we have not been as kind to you that you have been to us. I would like to make amends," Joseph tells me, we were doing a cool down walking lap of the track. It was something that I was hoping for from my fellow squad members but I wouldn't force them into it. It would feel less genuine that way, more forced in my opinion.
"No worries Joseph I know that it has been a rough adjustment period for everyone. Especially when you think that you are going to be put with all of your friends and you don't end up with all of them," I tell him. I can sympathise if that is what is bothering everyone. "Definitely, I guess it is harder for you because the ones you are close with are in different squads," he tells me. It might have been obvious how close Danny and I are. "It is, but I know that some of my friends are also in the same situation," I tell him. It was nice to just talk to him for once, like Brody and Danny did. You find that people are much nicer than you expect them to be this way. We talk for the rest of the physical training session and start to become good friends.
We were not told off for talking to each other just yet. They want us to get to know each other more as we will be working closer to each other over the coming months. Especially as we have just formed the squads and there are a lot of adjustments to make. You might have thought that you hated someone before the squads were formed and now you are put with those people and it becomes worse. Then you have moments like I have with Joseph today and I hope that I can be friends with the rest of my squad so I would not feel so lonely. It was good to know that my fellow squad members were not as much of an asshole as I was expecting them to be. It has played out quite like Brody's story in many aspects, they pretended to be people they were not and it's all fallen down around them.
During the lunch time after a long morning of finally being able to bond with all of my squad members Rigo and I are finally able to discuss our plan to support Danny through all of the trauma that this exercise would have brought up for him that he might not have opened up to Dylan about while they are out. We have no idea what role Danny had during the exercise which also means that we have no idea what he has opened up or kept bottled up. It mainly involves talking to Danny in any breaks he has in the billet and in private. They will give him the rest of the day off when he comes back from the exercise tomorrow anyway which will give Rigo the perfect opportunity to spend that time with his brother that he needs to get through this.
"They are coming home in the morning, shortly before lunch according to one of the other officers. Then they have the rest of the day of to settle back in and to get used to being in the camp again as they have worked really hard during the last week," Rigo tells me when we are getting ready for bed tonight. I believe the officer in charge was sending telegrams back to base to report on their progress. To say that Danny has done well would be a little bit of an understatement. He has done incredibly well and Dylan has as well. I do not think that it would be easy for Dylan to deal with the mental trauma Danny went through that is coming back to haunt him. "That is good, I suppose they will give you some time to spend with your brother if they know what's going on," I tell him.
"A majority of the high commanding officers and those in charge have no idea what we went through. It would almost certainly lead to our deaths and maybe even yours and those that we live with. I naturally have tomorrow afternoon off as the squadron I would have been teaching will be doing the same thing Dan and Dylan are returning from ," Rigo tells me. It makes sense, as they were lucky the first time that he was taken to court for what he had done. Danny was only three years old at the time and it was before I could remember things. He would scream and cry in terror in the court when his father went near him, even say no when father wanted to take him anywhere. It didn't go to plan because he managed to say that Danny was being manipulated into acting this way to get him into trouble.
"I would love to take Danny for a tour around the little village near us. Just to get him out of the camp and to explore the world a little more," Rigo says, it was something Danny told me he had been promised on our way up here on our first day. There has been a building pressure on our President to declare war on Germany which he has not done so yet. It is also the reason why Danny and Rigo haven't had that chance to go off to explore the village yet. Training has been intense since we arrived and it is not going to ease any time soon. Both France and Britain are losing a lot of their men already and looking to America for help. It does not help that not all of the American citizens do not approve of going to war either. Well, those that aren't in the army disapprove.
"Yeah, it would be nice for even us to juts wander around the local village and get to know the people who claim to love us being around," I tell him. Like I thought on the first full day of us being here I was ready to see a new side to my best friend. I already see him happier and more relaxed than I have ever seen him. It's not always been that way though, and part of me realised this when we were on the train here. 20 years of abuse is a lot, and it is not going to be something Danny, Rigo or Kyle would find themselves instantly healed from. Even Rigo has moments when he needs comfort and someone to vent to when it gets rough. That is where George comes in and is why he is so close to Rigo like I am to Danny. We do whatever it takes to get them through the pain.
The next afternoon – Private First Class Daniel Murillo's p.o.v
It felt so good when we marched through the gate and were back on camp. Do not get me wrong, I did enjoy the exercise we had just been on. I just hated all of the 17 year old trauma that it brought up. I did thank god that there were no thunderstorms this time. That would have made it worse for sure. I took full advantage of being able to snuggle up to Dylan for warmth without being questioned and without him knowing how he made me feel a whole lot better. I was definitely not ready to talk to him about that although I already opened up to Jorel and Rigo about it. They were there back then and it was just more of a confirmation of how little five year old me felt being alone in the cold, damp darkness of that night.
We marched into the parade square, did our debriefing, and left all of the camping gear and leftover rations where they told us to and we disbanded to go back to our billets for the rest of the day. As soon as we got into the billet I practically threw myself into my brothers waiting arms. Dylan was not surprised though because I told him I had missed my brother a lot. "Well done little brother bear," Rigo tells me. I held onto him tightly as the relief washed over me as it had done when he picked me up when I woke up when I was 5 in the Basha for the first time. I felt like I could not say anything so I just hugged him. Then we sat down on my bed and with my permission he told Dylan what happened when I was 5 so he could understand why this is such a big deal to me.
"The more I learn about your father the more I hate him. I am really sorry that both of you went through that," Dylan tells us. It was good that he doesn't feel any different about me even though he knows that I was scared of the dark and sleeping in a Basha and still am scared of thunderstorms. "It's not your fault, to this day we still do not know why he does what he does to us. We are just lucky that we have this escape," I tell him. It is hard to explain or even attempt to provide a reason when you have no idea why it happens to you to begin with. You can't justify why something happens to you when the person doing it does not give you a reason other than a somewhat childish because I can excuse. I think he might have used the my father did this to me, but I met my grandfather before he died and I did ask one day and he said he would never even dream of hitting his children.
It was a goof thing and a bad thing at the same time. I do not think he ever told father what went on that day between us before he died. I was never hit for it, so I assume nothing was said. "You are and we are lucky to have the two of you around," Dylan tells me. He had to include Rigo or else it would have sounded like we are dating and I am not ready to come out to my brother. He will probably be fine with it but it is too soon in my opinion. "We are lucky that the army accepts us and we are allowed to progress as far as we have done so far and that father has not attempted to sabotage it," Rigo tells him. The army is definitely becoming a second family for Rigo and I. It is a place which will accept you no matter what background you have and where you came from. Everyone is treated equally here and it is amazing.
I spent the rest of the afternoon sandwiched between Rigo and Dylan and it was pure bliss. I can't wait for Jorel and the others to come back so we can enjoy each other's company and just talk about anything other than the exercise we just came back from hopefully. Even though I just relived all that trauma with Rigo and Dylan I don't think I have the energy to do it all over again. "Don't worry Dan, I'm not going to make you relive any more trauma today. You have been through enough," Rigo tells me, after we had be laying there for a while. I was comfortable enough to fall asleep after a while in between my lover and my brother.
Meanwhile back in California
No one is home, which is a good thing. My bastard sons are out dying in a pointless war. I already killed one of them before he had the chance to leave. The women left to go and do the shopping which is allowing me to do this. I am going to rummage through my room to see where my bitch of a wife keeps all of her letters from the boys. I just want to know what they are saying about the army life since they do not speak to me anymore. I do not know why they haven't bothered, even when Rigo is phoning home he always asks to speak to Margo or Lisa and never me. I find the box under the bed and open it. I find Rigo and Kyle's letters and flip through them. After a little while they are all the same. Then I find something I was not expecting.
Oooh shit's going down! Anyways if you like this please let me know. Also please remember none of these events happened to the guys or their families IRL and I have a ton of respect for all families I use in my stories. Also happy VE (victory in Europe aka end of WW2 day)
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