Ryan's voice was quiet, almost inaudible, but even so with an unfamiliar hint of confidence. He knew it was the right time, or at least, it didn't feel like it was the wrong time. He felt ready. Finally. And though he had a list as long as his arm of all the possible negative outcomes and consequences, at this moment it was scrunched up in the corner of his mind, powerless to infiltrate the rest of him with fear and doubt. It was still there of course, but for once it wasn't his main focus. Saying words out loud so Charlie could hear was his main focus. Charlie looked over at him, and raised an eyebrow.

"What's wrong now?" She asked sarcastically, yesterday's incident still clearly fresh in her memory. "Do you not like the music on your IPod that you put on?" Ryan met her eyes steadily and his lack of retaliation made her retract ever so slightly. She breathed out.

"Does this have anything to do with what you were going to tell me yesterday?" She asked. Ryan looked at the pavement, and nodded.

"Are you actually going to tell me this time?" She pressed.

"I'll certainly try," he replied, lacing and unlacing his fingers together. He needed a moment to sort his words out. He didn't want it coming out all backwards.

"So, I've been meaning to tell you for a while now but... the timing never felt right." Which was putting it mildly, he thought.

"You haven't murdered anyone have you?" Ryan smiled.

"No, nothing illegal. Not yet anyway."

"I find that hard to believe but go on." Ryan took a second to find his voice again after Charlie's minor but, considering it was him she was talking to, valid disruption.

"Alright so... you wanna know the real reason that I don't want Thomas to ask you out?" Charlie nodded, intrigued, and Ryan couldn't believe he was about to admit this to her. He was hoping it'd be a secret he'd take to his grave but as usual, no such luck.

"It's because I was jealous." He refrained from flinching at his own words and, despite refusing to make any sort of eye contact with Charlie, he was fairly certain her expression was a mixture of shock and confusion, which nearly made Ryan laugh. After all this, was Ryan admitting he was jealous about something going to be the biggest surprise in this conversation? It was certainly something to think about.

"I'm sorry?" She said. Ryan gave her an almost pleading look, willing her not to make him repeat himself, but of course she was loving every second of this. He sighed.

"I was jealous. Of you and Thomas. Of you being with Thomas, of Thomas being with you, alright?" Charlie stared vaguely at a point just beyond his face, as if she was thinking about something.

"You're not about to reveal that you're secretly in love with me, are you?" Ryan stopped dead and must have looked so shocked that Charlie began to laugh at him, but more in response to his expression rather than an I'm-messing-with-you laugh, as if she considered her statement to be an actual possibility. This was something that Ryan had been trying to avoid, but clearly he'd beaten around the bush too much and she'd jumped to humiliating conclusions.

"Oh, God no!" Affirmed Ryan, more harshly than he'd intended.

"Alright, jeez. No need to sound so disgusted." Shit. Now he'd offended her. This was not going to plan, no matter how tatty the plan was in the first place. Ryan leant against the wall of one of the houses they were passing, and ran his hands through the hair at his temples.

"Okay, let me start again," he said to the ground. "This hasn't gone great so far." He raised his head to look at her. "Charlie, I am not in love with you. I do love you, but not like that." His voice was steady, he was on a roll now. "However, my problem with you and Thomas did involve me liking someone." He emphasised 'someone', hoping that Charlie would make the connection and say it for him. She was looking confused though, so he persevered, and finally admitted to what had been bothering him for the last few weeks:

"I like Thomas."

He met her eye, and gazed expectantly at her, waiting for a reaction. She appeared to be lost in thought again, but she held his gaze, wordlessly. Had she figured out what was happening yet? Perhaps he'd better clarify.

"I'm gay." He hadn't said those two words out loud for years and he was hoping he'd eventually get used to them. He had brief flashbacks of staring at himself in the mirror and willing his reflection to say them back to him, but it took many failed attempts for the words to form, and when he finally heard them, the finality of it all overwhelmed him to a point of near tears. He hoped he wouldn't react like that now.

Charlie walked silently towards him. Her expression was soft, which he desperately wanted to take as a good sign. She looked down.

"You're shaking," she observed. It took a moment for Ryan to register her words and he lowered his head to look at his hands. They were indeed shaking. He hadn't even noticed. Ryan stuffed them in his pockets, but Charlie took a hold of his wrist.

"Come here." She led him into a nearby alleyway, shielding them from any passing spectators, which he was grateful for. Everything about Charlie's voice and actions were gentle, but he still wasn't quite ready to believe that everything would go okay.

"Are you... surprised?" He asked, when they were between the walls of two houses. He was simply looking for something to break the silence but on some level he was rather curious.

"No," she said, which certainly surprised him.

"You knew?" If she already knew then other people might know as well, and he wasn't comfortable with that thought at all. But her steady answer was still "no", and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I don't know. I guess I never really thought about it. You never seemed interested in anyone, least of all boys, so it didn't cross my mind."

"Well, I wasn't going to openly show interest in any boys. I didn't want people to know."

"Am I the first person you've told?"

"Who else would I tell?"

"Chloe?"

"No. Multiple reasons why not." She smiled at him.

"Well, I'm still happy that you did tell me."

"And you're definitely okay with it?"

"Of course I am." She stopped smiling. "I've never given you the impression that I wouldn't be okay with it, have I?" She sounded so genuinely worried that Ryan felt like hugging her.

"No! Jesus, no of course not. You could be freakin' Ellen DeGeneres and I'd still be afraid of coming out. That's just on me. Don't worry about it."

They were five minutes away from home and Charlie said they'd better get a move on or else Mike and May Li would start wondering where they were. She gave him a swift hug, which he mildly protested against, and the two left the alleyway and continued side by side along the rest of the road, Ryan fighting to suppress a permanent grin. His coming out had finally gone well and this was certainly the lightest he'd felt in a while. He gave a sideways smile at Charlie, careful not to let her notice. Thank God he had her, otherwise he could've been hiding for years. And now that he'd had a taste of what it was like to stop hiding, he didn't think he could've managed that.

They could see the house now. The front was empty, meaning everyone else had either returned or were still at school, or various other after-school hang-outs. Ryan and Charlie walked up the driveway to the front door. Ryan could already hear the familiar shouting and arguing coming from inside. Usually he avoided it by disappearing into his room and not leaving until he was forced down to dinner. But he was in a good mood and Charlie was heading towards the back garden, so he decided to follow. They sat down on the swing chair and stayed in comfortable silence for a few moments, before Charlie decided to speak up.

"So... you like Thomas then?" She said, making Ryan look up at her, then down at his feet, somehow feeling guilty but not entirely sure why.

"I guess. But it's useless isn't it. He asked you out, and you're a girl."

"Thanks for noticing. And that doesn't always mean anything."

"In my limited experience, it means something ninety-eight percent of the time."

"Well then for all you know, that two percent could be... I dunno... maybe he doesn't want anyone to know. Like you. Have you ever asked out any girls?" Ryan thought back. He'd asked out a girl in his class about a year or two ago, simply to prove that he, like every other guy, was attracted to her. He was expecting her to turn him down, like she had everyone else, which he thought would be ideal because then he could still say he'd tried to go out with her, but she just wasn't into it. Unfortunately though, to the surprise of everyone, she didn't turn him down. And for the next few weeks he had a legitimate girlfriend.

Most of it was okay. He didn't mind hanging out with her, or buying her food or watching the odd film here and there that he'd probably have gone to see anyway. But when it came down to the things that separated a friendship from a relationship, Ryan found it to be a bit of a drag. She wanted to hold hands, and he let her, and was then surprised at how uncomfortable it made him feel. He didn't think holding hands was that intimate, but he had of course thought wrong. Her hand just felt clammy and after a couple of minutes he was itching to let go. And not only that but she insisted to let him kiss her goodnight, which felt weird and awkward. So he tried to distance himself from her as much as he could, and eventually she broke it off.

"Yeah, but that was different. I did it cos I had to. Thomas did it because he wanted to. He even asked me if you were single, and I-"

"Told him that I had a boyfriend even though I don't."

"Yeah alright. And he looked disappointed, and then he still asked you. I would've been happy to drop it immediately." Charlie leant back against the wooden swing. It was quiet for the moment, they were nicely sheltered from the house by the trellis.

"There'll be other guys. Teddy Owens in year 11 is pretty hot."

"Teddy Owens in year 11 shags anything that moves."

"Alright, not him then... ooh how about-"

"Charlie it's fine, honestly. I don't want a boyfriend... well, that's not quite true, but it's probably better if I don't have one right now, 'specially not someone from school."

"Okay. But if you ever need a wingwoman. Or a spy. I can spy on Thomas. Not in a weird way, just in a oh-hey-didn't-see-you-there-so-who-do-you-wanna-date? kind of way." Ryan laughed at her.

"I will keep that in mind," he replied, before a shadow fell over them. Ryan looked up; Mike was standing there with his hands on his hips and his eyebrows raised, his usual stance whenever he was near Ryan it seemed.

"Well thank you for telling us you'd returned," he said, sternly and sarcastically. Charlie looked at him apologetically.

"Sorry. We were just... avoiding everyone else?" Mike stared at her.

"You didn't used to do that." He chuckled. "You've been spending too much time with Ryan, I suppose. Our resident hermit." Mike glanced at him. Ryan knew it was a dig. Everything Mike said about him was a dig. But Charlie came to his defence.

"That's not true. Everyone needs a break from that lot from time to time. Can't blame Ryan cos his bedroom's nicer than the kitchen." Mike put his hands up in mock surrender, obviously not expecting Charlie to talk back at him, which was unusual for her. Ryan looked smugly up at the man.

"Alright, alright," Mike replied. "Just next time, let us know when you've come back from school. We've got enough to deal with withought having to send out bloomin' search parties."

The next day at school, Ryan couldn't focus. He was still experiencing an unfamiliar, yet welcome feeling of elation from yesterday's events, but it was somewhat tainted by a certain someone. He'd knew it was time to stop thinking about Thomas, he'd even made a rule with himself not to, but he didn't even make it till morning break before... breaking it. In fact it was broken as soon as Thomas entered the classroom.

After Ryan had admitted his crush on Thomas, to both himself and Charlie, it was as if his mind had immediately taken the opportunity to allow itself to fantasise freely about the two of them. Most of it was relatively innocent, some of it not so much; suddenly his aversion to any kind of intimacy was thrown right out of the window and it rather threw him off-guard, although at the same time he was a little relieved, but it certainly did nothing to help his concentration. His history teacher accused him of not paying attention when he failed to answer a question on a topic they'd just covered. Ryan had protested, but truth was he wasn't paying attention, or at least, not to the list of names of the people who were prime minister during the Cold War. His focus was instead much more preoccupied with the fact that Thomas wrote with his left hand.

So perhaps his education was in danger, but even though he knew it was a waste of time, a small part of him hoped that maybe the two percent chance of Thomas actually being attracted to him that Charlie had pointed out was worth hoping for. That he'd maybe beat the odds.

Until he caught sight of Thomas outside the school gates, holding hands. With a girl.

Ryan didn't realise how hard he was staring until Charlie had walked right up to him and snapped her fingers in front of his face. He looked at her.

"Nice to see you've returned to Earth," she joked. Ryan didn't reply, just looked back to where Thomas and the girl were standing. Charlie followed his gaze.

"Oh, ouch." She sympathised when she saw what he was looking at. Ryan nodded.

"Yup," he sighed.

"Maybe it's... not what it looks like?"

"Yeah sure. Maybe it's his sister, or his cousin. Or his mum."

"Fine, maybe it is what it looks like. What are you gonna do?"

"Do? I'm not going to do anything." And he wasn't. In fact he was perfectly happy to put this whole thing behind him and get on with something much more worth his time. Like watching TV. Or sleeping.

"I'm gonna go to the skatepark after school," he informed Charlie, picking his school bag up off the ground and slinging it round his shoulder. "Don't tell Mike unless he asks."

The skate park was relatively empty when he first arrived, as was usual on a weekday, and a chilly one at that. Ryan had a jacket but he discarded it almost immediately on one of the ramps. He didn't go near the abandoned ramps this time. He just wanted to skate not sit down and smoke, and the taller ramps near the entrance were more suited to his abilities.

For the first few minutes he simply skated backwards and forwards between two adjoining ramps before practising any new tricks that he'd watched online. He was particularly a fan of the rails and he spent ages grinding along them, getting more ambitious with the tricks as he jumped off, until he could no longer jump without falling off the board first.

Despite this, he was quite skilled at skateboarding; it was one of the few things he allowed himself to take pride in. He could never get to the same level as his old foster brother, Owen, who introduced him to skateboarding in the first place, but many years had gone by since then, and he was confident that he could now be seen as a worthy challenger. He thought about Owen occasionally, not enough for the boy to hold much significance in Ryan's present life, but he did still feel a pang of missing him here and there. He wondered what would've happened if he hadn't fallen out with Owen's other brother. Would he still live there? Would he and Owen still be close? Would the family accept him? But he gave up wondering after a while. What good did it do him? But he was glad that he still found skating just as enjoyable as he had then. It had proven many times to be an affective and much-needed outlet for when he needed to escape the monotony of his daily life.

Ryan was about to attempt a particularly complicated kickflip when a voice behind him made him start and turn, causing him to trip up on the rail and nearly fall flat on his face if he hadn't caught himself in time.

"Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," said the voice, moving quickly towards him. Ryan looked up, and silently cursed himself for acting like a clumsy idiot in front of the now visible speaker: Thomas.

"It's fine, I'm fine. I mean, you didn't scare me." The universe was clearly having a field day.

"Well, good." They stood in silence for a moment. Ryan had no idea how to act. He wanted to get back on his board and pray that Thomas would take the hint and leave, but at the same time, he still had a vague desire to start up another conversation with him. He just wasn't willing to start it.

"Sooo..." began Thomas, digging the toe of his shoe into the ground. "What trick were you trying to do?" Ryan looked back at the rails before replying.

"Um... kickflip off that." He pointed to the nearest rail, the one he'd tripped up on.

"What's a kickflip?"

"Oh, uh... it's when you make your board turn 360 in the air."

"Can I see?" Ryan hesitated. This was an unforeseen third outcome: Thomas actually watching him skate. He didn't want that. He'd be sure to mess up and look stupid. Although, on the other hand, if he didn't mess up he might look cool enough to impress Thomas, or if only to prove that he was more than just a loser, an image that he'd no doubt given Thomas after every one of their interactions.

"Um... sure." Ryan picked his board up and carried it to the top of one of the ramps. Skating down it would give him enough speed to jump on the rail easily.

He did so, as Thomas sat nearby and watched. When he got to the end of the rail he pushed his heel back and flipped the board as he jumped, actually managing to land upright. He was quite pleased with himself, until he heard Thomas clapping for him. Then he shrunk back in embarrassment.

"That was great!" Said Thomas, walking towards him. "Wish I could do that."

"It's not hard."

"Yeah, easy for you to say."

"No, really. I mean, maybe on the rail. But kickflips are alright on their own. Here I'll show you..." Ryan got back on the board and slowly demonstrated each step.

"Place your left foot at the back, and your right foot just to the side, up here..." he placed his right foot just below the front bolts, and his left on the tip of the tail. "Then you bend your right knee, and use the pressure to pop the back." He pushed the board back sharply. "After that, just slide your right foot off the board. That's what flips it." He quickly slid the side of his shoe along the edge and flipped the board. "See. Nothing to it. S'long as you get your feet in the right direction. You try." He rolled the board over to Thomas, who looked at it hesitantly.

"Uh, I don't even think I can stay up on it."

"Sure you can. I'll hold your arm." Without thinking, Ryan held his hand out to steady Thomas, and Thomas gratefully grabbed hold as he struggled to keep the board still.

If Ryan thought it was hard to focus by simply staring at Thomas's hand, it was nothing compared to actually coming into contact with it. His whole attention was focused on that one spot on his shoulder that Thomas was holding, and was even more alert when his hand was on Thomas's shoulder. He knew for certain that he'd be reluctant to let go.

"So, what should I just jump?" Thomas asked suddenly.

"Huh? Oh, uh... yeah. And slide your foot off." Thomas did as he was told, failed to flip the board and almost lost his footing completely. He just managed to re-balance himself but was nowhere near the board now, let alone still on it. Ryan laughed.

"Not bad. Least you didn't fall on your arse."

"Yeah, clearly I'm an expert."

"Oh definitely." Ryan pushed down on the tail of the board so it lifted up. He grabbed it and walked over to where Thomas had sat himself down; the bottom of the ramp, leaning his back against the slant. Ryan slid down next to him.

"Don't think we've ever been in the same place more than five minutes without snapping at each other," observed Thomas.

"Hm. Certainly a new experience. Though to be fair, we've only been alone together a handful of times."

"What about when we're with Charlie?"

"Then we just let Charlie do the talking for us." Thomas smiled as the conversation fell silent. Ryan glanced over at the boy next to him. Thomas appeared to be quite lost in thought. He was examining the horizon but his eyes were vacant and glazed over. Ryan didn't want to interrupt the quiet; he liked just sitting there, so close to Thomas that they were almost touching. The skin on the right side of his body screamed at him to close the gap but, he didn't dare. He decided instead to ask Thomas the question that had been bugging him since lunchtime.

"So I... saw you this afternoon, with a girl. Are you and her-?" He searched for the right word to use but gave up and waited for Thomas to take the cue.

"What? Oh... right, yeah she asked me out."

"And you said yes?"

"We were holding hands, weren't we?"

"Who is she anyway? I don't recognise her."

"She's in the year below. Her name's Emma." Thomas didn't sound very enthusiastic, which Ryan was confused by. Surely if you liked a person you'd be happy to talk about them. Most people didn't shut up about whomever they were dating. But Thomas seemed almost reluctant. Though, perhaps he was just imagining things.

"Oh." He said simply.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just... you moved on from Charlie pretty quickly."

"I barely knew her. It's not like I was head over heels in love. I was only gonna buy her a coffee."

"She doesn't drink coffee."

"Tea then." As the conversation progressed, Ryan could feel he was beginning to close in on himself and his instinct to distance himself from Thomas was starting to kick in. His questions and replies were starting to have a slightly more hostile edge to them.

"Still sounds like you're just moving from girl to girl," he continued, not letting it drop. Thomas gave him a sideways look.

"I thought you'd be happy that I'm not interested in Charlie anymore."

"Why would I be happy?"

"Cos you like her don't you?" Ryan rolled his eyes. Not this again.

"We're friends. That's all we are. Nothing more." It was pointless trying to convince him though. How many times had the "we're just friends" line been used in every book, film and TV show? And how many times had it turned out to be true? Simple answer: too many to count, and zero.

"Uh huh. Sure," replied Thomas in the predictably disbelieving voice.

"Yeah, actually. Boys and girls can just be friends, though I'm sure you're not familiar with that concept."

"Christ Almighty, Ryan, how many girls do you think I've been with? I'll tell you: One. And her name's Emma. Why are you being so weird?"

"I'm not. You are." Ryan was beginning to experience déjà vu. Was that really his only response to that question?"

"No I'm not. You're acting childish. I'm trying my best to get on with you, and sometimes I think it's working, until you suddenly flip, say something mean and bring the whole mood down. Dunno why I bother." Thomas was stood up by now and Ryan wanted to kick himself. He didn't want Thomas to leave, but he also didn't want to look pathetic and ask him to stay. So he decided his only option was to make it worse.

"Yeah, why do you? I didn't ask for you to stalk me everywhere. I don't want to talk to you. You're so annoying."

"Oh I'm annoying, dickhead?" Was his only reply before walking straight out of the park, leaving Ryan to bang his head softly against the ramp, telling himself how much of an idiot he was.

When Charlie heard about Ryan's freak meeting with Thomas she was interested. Insufferably interested. Until Ryan killed it with news of how badly it ended.

"I screwed it all up. He hates me even more now."

"What did you do?"

"I uh... told him he was annoying." If Ryan wasn't so pissed at himself he'd probably find it funny. It sounded so stupid. Charlie seemed to agree.

"I'm sorry, am I talking to a five year old? You said he was... annoying."

"Well other things were said, but that's basically the gist of it."

"My god, you are hopeless at this flirting business."

"For the last time, he is straight. Flirting is off-limits, okay?"

"Alright fine. But I still can't help but see you two together. It fits, you know?"

"Well then, write a fanfiction." He snapped. Charlie fell silent. "In all seriousness though," he continued, correcting the tone of his voice and trying to keep it soft. "Maybe I'm not quite over him yet. There were... moments, in the park where I just... wanted to be near him..." He raised his head to the ceiling. "God, I sound like a loser."

"Nah, you're fine." She thought for a second. "You need closure. Maybe you should just tell him how you feel and, see his response."

"Don't be so naive. You honestly think I can just go up to a guy and tell 'em I like him, and not expect there to be consequences? I'd like to survive secondary school thanks." She looked at him like he was being ridiculous, though he chose to believe that she was just annoyed at his excellent point. Because it was true. He didn't have the freedom like most people to go up to a crush and reveal his feelings to them, and his only worry being whether or not they liked him back.

"Then, I guess there's nothing more you can do except move one," Charlie concluded. "But for the love of God, don't take this as a cue to give him hell. I know what you're like," she elaborated as he tried to protest. "When your dignity's at stake you get so defensive, and end up offending anyone who even dares look at you."

"That's exaggerating."

"Hardly."

"Alright, fine. I wasn't even going to talk to him anyway, but if I do, I promise I won't get defensive."

He kept his promise for almost a week, then broke it just before the weekend. All things considered however, he thought it a feat on his part that he'd held out for so long. He'd kept up an image of cool politeness, something he was unused to doing in these circumstances; Charlie was, of course, correct about how he handled situations where his dignity was threatened. A younger Ryan (and by younger he meant about a month, maybe a week younger) would have definitely brought the Thomas situation down to an irreversible level, like with Tee, and Sasha, and Chloe, and Mike and pretty much everyone else in the house besides Charlie. But for once, his relationship with Thomas was still something that could probably- okay possibly- be fixed. And he marked that as a sign of his maturity.

Or at least, until Friday, when Ryan found out that the events at the skatepark had bothered Thomas much more than Ryan had realised. Under normal circumstances, he would've been pleased to know that he wasn't the only one obsessing over it, but the way Thomas revealed it was much too surprising, and over the weekend, it had been the only thing that Ryan could think about:

It was the end of school, and Thomas- out of the blue- decided to walk home with him (Charlie was staying after school for a club thing and, according to Thomas, so was Emma). It was a weird thing to do since Ryan was aware that Thomas lived in the complete opposite direction, so already alarm bells were ringing in his head.

They walked in silence for a full three minutes, a very long time when walking with someone you were on bad terms with but also kinda sorta in love with. Ryan spent those three minutes trying to pluck up the courage to ask why Thomas was walking with him. However, the boy interrupted before he could say a word.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Huh?"

"I've been trying to think back to my first day, when we started talking, and I can't work out what I did. You're not still mad about the smoking comments are you?"

"Course not. I can't even remember them." That wasn't strictly true. He remembered everything Thomas had said. Not because he was pissed, but because he'd been replaying their first meeting in his head many times, and he always ended up cursing himself for how stupid he'd acted. Smoking with the druggie behind the school building, trying to act cool when he so clearly wasn't.

"So what is it then? I thought we were passed that weird enemy thing. I enjoyed our conversation in the music room. Or at least until you told me my guitar playing was shit."

"It was."

"I don't care. I just want to know why you don't like me." Ryan scoffed, but in his head he desperately wanted to tell him that he'd got it all wrong. He did like him. Really like him. That was the problem. But what was the point of telling him that? Just to embarrass himself? It wasn't worth it.

"Pathetic much? We don't even know each other. You just turned up, and you won't leave me alone. You're obsessed."

"Oh piss off. Like I haven't seen you staring at me like a weirdo."

"What?"

"You're always just there, looking. If you want to say something just say it. I can't read your damn mind."

"Thank God..." Ryan murmured before he could stop himself.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"So what is it?"

"Christ, you don't let up, do you? It's nothing. Don't take it personally, I'm an arsehole towards everyone."

"You're not towards Charlie."

"Yeah, well. Charlie's my friend. You're not my friend."

"But I want to be." Ryan stared at him sideways. He didn't get why Thomas was being so persistent. Wouldn't it be easier for him to just ignore Ryan? Why the fuck did he want to be friends?

"You what?"

"I want to be your friend."

"Why? I'm horrible."

"Yes. Sometimes. But I don't think you are really. I talk to Charlie quite a lot, you know. And she talks about you."

"Oh." That was certainly news to Ryan. What was there to talk about?

"She doesn't think you're horrible. She thinks you're pretty cool."

"Oh. Well."

"So you obviously can be friends with someone. Why not me?" Ryan was starting to feel overwhelmed. Thomas was being so incessant that Ryan was on the verge of letting slip everything. A dangerous position to be in, and he was trying desperately to swerve away from it but for once in his life he couldn't. And he couldn't work out why his lack of friendship was troubling Thomas so much. No one had ever wanted to be his friend. Why didn't he just do what everyone else did and walk away?

"You're not special! I don't have to be your friend if I don't want to, and for God's sake, what is this, primary school? Friend this and friend that. Get over it... you sound like a girl." He added for good measure. Thomas just looked wearily at him and sighed, pushing his fringe away from his eyes and leaving his hand pressed against his forehead.

"You don't get it..." he murmured, more to himself it seemed. But Ryan was properly annoyed now.

"What?! What don't I get? There are like fifteen hundred other kids at school, why the fuck are you so focused on me-?"

"Because I like you! Okay?"

Author's Note:

Kay so I was originally gonna make Ryan reveal that he liked Thomas but I was like 'eh, let's change things up.' And anyway, I just thought Ryan would, despite everything, still take great care in keeping his secret. But idk what do you think? I'm aware the relationship might be progressing faster than it should but a) their relationship isn't the whole focus of the fic and I want to start leading up to the other events I have planned (and I promise you, I have events); b) I'm running out of non-romantic interactions between the two anyway and c) it's my fic so... shut up...

And yes, let me also address the elephant in the room, I am well aware that it has been four months since I last updated (I was shocked when I checked) and I will be very surprised if you're all still reading this. You'd think after four months my writing would improve but lmao nope... basically it was a combination of too much studying and lack of motivation in general. I just felt this chapter was boring and i didn't want to publish it, but I also didn't know what else to write so, sorry if it's dull. Things will start to pick up, mainly after this chapter.

(Also, catch me trying to write about skateboarding tricks like I know a single thing about skateboarding.)

And now I shall reply to your lovely reviews, still my favourite blockbuster film.

Dark Heart 945- I'M SORRY FOR ALMOST PULLING A DAN HOWELL I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

Tbh same, although at the same time I found writing the flashbacks was very fun. And yeah, Ryan isn't a coward, it's a big decision for him to make and yeah lol, sorry Charlie but that's what you signed up for.

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE REACTION. SORRY ABOUT THE CLIFFHANGER.

Justice237- I'm sorry about how long I took to update this time. I didn't want to leave it as long as the other but that didn't work out lol. Thank you for being understanding though, I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much for saying that! I was really worried about the flashbacks because I had never done that before so I was scared I'd mess it up and it wouldn't fit into the story, cos I understand what you mean about flashbacks that can seem forced or unnecessary. I'm glad I was able to write them in a way that seemed natural. Because I really enjoyed writing them.

Yes, I agree about how that episode didn't go for the cliché devil and angel side of a person, and I'm very glad they didn't, because that's not accurate to how a person actually argues with themselves. I can't say I got inspiration from that episode, because I actually watched it much later, but I'm happy it turned out in a similar way.

Yeah, the bullying was quite hard to write, because I knew a lot of it was true, and kids just naturally pick on other kids for being different, mainly because they don't understand why the kid is "different" from them. But it's upsetting that so many kids have to go through it, especially when there's something about you, like being gay, or being any part of the LGBT+ community that really makes you stand out. Hm, i havent really thought about what Elliott might be thinking now. I feel like he could be somewhat guilty over it, when I was writing the flashbacks, I made Elliott to be someone who simply didn't react in the right way or didn't know how to react or reacted how he thought he should. But now that he's older he's probably had time to realise that what he did was wrong.

I know, I hear about depression and suicide so much in the LGBT+ community, and I'm always mad when people think that the world has completely progressed, because it absolutely hasn't. And the suicide statistics of LGBT youth prove that. It was another thing I wanted to shed some light on in this fic. Hm, yeah I did look up when marriage was legalised in this country, and I think it was more the fact that Ryan didn't believe he could marry a man and lead a normal, peaceful life at the same time. But, since the legalisation was so close to the events in the flashback, it is likely he also wasn't aware.

Anyway, thank you so much for your review! And sorry again for keeping you waiting so long for an update.

CharlieSMarts12- Hello yes, an update! Finally! Yeah ugh, GCSEs are killing me, but obviously I have to put them as my top priority, so finding time to write is hard. Although I didn't intend for this chapter to take this long. Oops! And thank you for saying that, I was hoping that the chapter wasn't too boring since it was just about Ryan coming out, and nothing else, but that's why I added in the flashbacks so there was, technically a storyline at least. But I'm glad people liked the debate between coming out or not, and the reason for why Ryan was so scared to, because yes, as you said, there are still so many prejudices surrounding this topic. And ugh, yeah I accidently made myself hate the headmaster for asking if he'd tried hard enough, cos that is the worst reply to say to someone in that situation.

Haha, yes I love writing the interactions between Ryan and Charlie, and I so wish he'd had someone like that on the show. Ryan really just needed one person whom he was comfortable and happy around. Still mad that he never got that.

And thank you so much for reviewing! Always appreciate it!:)

Linneagb- same, homophobia is very difficult to understand. I regularly try and work out why people can have such problems with the LGBT community, and i still haven't come to any conclusions. But yeah, it is a little different with kids, because it's more the fact that they don't understand or they're not used to it that makes them bully people, rather than them actually being homophobic. Thank you, I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and don't worry, I don't think it's a spoiler to say, especially since you'll have already read the next chapter before reading this, but Charlie is definitely okay with it.