"Please tell me you're joking."

"I'd be lying if I said I was."

"Lie then. I'm not doing this."

"You have no choice."

"I already know all of it!"

"I doubt it," Ciel crowed. "And even if you do, your methods are flawed. You as a human being are entirely too flawed to be put back into the world just yet. Training only lasts two days and every D.A. has to do it no matter their experience. If you're as good as you say you are, I'm sure it'll be a piece of cake."

Alois sauntered to the bars of the cell, his footsteps heavy and quick, "You said you had a case. You said you had a case you took. You lied to me. How do you expect to gain my trust if you lie to me?"

"I do have a case. Yours. Training. You start this afternoon." Ciel waved him off with a flick of his hand and strode for the double doors.

"What about my suit, huh? What about my fucking suit, Phantomhive?" Alois gripped the bars, knuckles turning white in his death-like grip. "Huh? Where's my suit?"

Ciel didn't stop until the massive steel doors had shut behind him. With a grunt, he leaned against them and allowed his head to fall into his hand in disdain. The man on the other side was far too much for his liking. He acted like he was the end-all-be-all of everyone's plans and it really pissed the detective off. Who was he to boss him around, a filthy murderer? He meant nothing here, and he hadn't quite seemed to realize that simple truth yet.

"Frustrated?" Elizabeth's voice ripped through the air, only fueling Ciel's fight-or-flight response.

"Jesus, Lizzie. I haven't seen you since the airport." He still greeted her politely, as he bore no real animosity toward her.

"Barely even then," she shook her head with a small chuckle. "It's strange, I always thought it would be hard to get into America, let alone work in it. But they just let us walk right in and out of that airport. I'm surprised it was so easy."

"I was thinking the same thing. Don't you have to have a visa or a green card to work in America? If you move from out of the country, I mean?"

"That's what I thought, too! I even asked Spears about it, but he said not to worry, that they had it all worked out. It's weird, but I decided it was best not to question it." Ciel's mouth shifted to one corner of his face as he began to think, Lizzie simply waiting for him to respond. When he didn't, and when she simultaneously realized he never answered her first question, she opened her mouth once again, "Is your D.A. giving you trouble?"

"What gives you that impression?" He crossed his arms.

"Well, that's his cell right there, isn't it? You came out looking very upset," she pointed daintily at the massive set of doors sealing Alois inside.

Ciel huffed. Was it that obvious? He'd have to do a better job at hiding from now on, he decided. He would allow no one to get the best of him, and certainly not such a simple woman as Lizzie. And yet, he couldn't resist telling someone who already knew.

"Well if you must know, yes, he is being rather piggish. He's completely opposed to training, as he claims he knows all of the criteria already."

Elizabeth shook her head, "I'm certain he doesn't." Ciel agreed silently. "It's funny, Butch had the same reaction."

"Butch?"

"He's my D.A. Large man, big and brawny as they come. He was arrested on two counts of gang violence, five counts of rape, and twenty five counts of breaking and entering."

"Sounds like a pleasant fellow."

"And way to give him to the only female crew member," she half-joked.

Ciel gave a sympathetic smile before turning the subject back to himself. "Mine's the skinniest little twit I've ever met, but he's got an attitude the size of Stalin's empire and a hundred plus counts of murder on his rap sheet to back it up."

"I'm surprised they gave him to you of all people, you seem like such an ill-fitting match."

"I could say the same for you, why'd they give you to that old brute...? Actually, nevermind."

Elizabeth giggled innocently. "I suppose there's good reason for each pairing. Perhaps they thought you could mellow him out."

"Or die trying," he said in exasperation.

The woman walked over and sweetly set her hands on his shoulders. "Don't worry, I'm sure this'll all come to pass. He may be the worst, but you've only got four years with him. That's not so much. This right now is the hardest part anyway, the beginning. You've just got to settle him into a routine and establish some ground rules! After that, it's a-"

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell me how to do my job," he shrugged her away and started walking off, much to the surprise of poor Elizabeth. Hurt, she had to take a moment before she called after him.

"I'm your superior! Don't you think my advice might just be worthwhile?"

"You were my superior. I don't have to listen to a word you say now. This is my profession. I know what I'm doing, and I'm going to do things exactly the way I've planned to do them. Alois is just a thorn in my side at the moment. I don't need you to coach me on how to deal with him. Please, do not ever so cruelly underestimate me like that again."

Off he strode with his stoic glance and stiff posture, leaving the wounded Lizzie with his words and her thoughts. She was trying, he had to give her that, but she simply had no right to tell Ciel what he could and could not do. He would not allow it. Maybe now she would see his true colors, but it was likely she'd only keep chasing him to see if she could change him for the better. He wondered how long it would take her to realize she was hopeless in her task.

~oOo~

To say Alois was not looking forward to training was an understatement.

He had several other things he'd rather do: exercise, spin on the silk, dance, have sex (with whom, he had no idea), sleep, analyze a flower pot, masturbate, curse Ciel, finish the last episode of That 70's Show, etcetera. Anything would be better than boring training.

There was nothing the man hated more than repetition and routine. He didn't like being told how to do things- he wanted to find his own way to do it. And yet here he was, in a prison, where practically every day is routine, about to be judged on things he, in truth, had too much experience with in knowledge rather than action.

Yes, in truth, he wasn't as good as he let on. Combat? He was nearly flawless. Up-close-and-personal interrogation, though? Not so much. But Ciel couldn't know that. He wouldn't lose this little game of theirs that he treasured so much. Besides, if he was able to pull this off, Ciel would be happy with him- maybe. He hoped so.

That man was too righteous for his own good. He needed friends to set him straight, and frankly, so did Alois. They could be friends. They could understand each other. Imagine a world like that, where they were just civil and kind to one another! One where they could talk about anything and laugh together, listen to the sounds of the 80's and just bask in each other's presence.

The soothing streams of water that flowed down his face fueled his fantasies, making the blond sigh and run his hands through heavy wet locks of hair. He always got existential in the shower. Then again, he supposed it wasn't exactly uncommon for people to daydream, especially when doing laborious things like bathing.

He'd been in there for a while now, about twenty-five minutes, so long that his hands had gone pruney. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to leave, because he was at such peace with himself and he knew the moment he left he'd be thrown into a series of things he didn't want to do. He'd rather stay here in his personal land of solitude for another hour.

Alas, his solitude was short-lived. Ciel entered in a huff, as he usually did, Alois noted. Truly, how could one man be so vexed all the time?

The detective-turned-watchman leaned his head up against the wall and shut his eyes, his chest moving so slightly that one could have thought he simply walked up and died. His jaw was clenched, hands pressed firmly against the tile wall as he simply stayed there. He simply stayed there. He stayed there in his death-like trance for a while, almost as if he was waiting for something, the blond observed. Lord, he was a fascinating specimen. What a target he was.

His eyes opened the moment he heard the hissing of the water hitting the floor, a fine jaw jutting forward in a quick breath. He wondered how he hadn't heard the terrible noise before. He turned to look and, just his luck, there was his least favorite person taking a midday shower.

Alois made the first quip. "Ah, Phantomhive's here. I suppose I should be extra careful not to drop my soap now, shouldn't I?"

"Very funny," the other man grunted. He needed a moment to think of what to say next. He was doing his best to avert eye contact, because this was pretty much the last thing he wanted to see today.

Alois hated the silence, as annoyed as he was at Ciel's disturbance of his peace. "No need to get pissy What're you in for?" He asked, deciding to continue washing despite his audience.

"Huh-? I'm not a- Wha- what're- what're you imply-"

"Why're you in the prisoner's bathroom, you prat?" Alois snapped, sending a sneer Ciel's way.

"Oh." It was all Ciel could muster, his face reddening as his arms tightened at his side. He always managed to make a fool of himself in front of the scum of the earth, didn't he?

"Yeah," the other snarked, filling his hands with water and splashing his face. "Jeez, you take everything so literally. You're pretty stupid for a detective."

Ciel didn't appreciate that. "Fuck off."

"Can't, I'm in the middle of something here, in case you couldn't tell. Please, could you kindly give me some privacy?" He turned back to his shower, and consequently, Ciel waited before turning around to go. Then Alois remembered, "Wait, don't leave. You didn't tell me why you were in here."

Ciel turned again, rather agitated. Alois simply waited.

"Well?"

"I'm not telling you anything."

"Uh-huh. In that case, I suppose I'll just be forced to believe that you came in here for the sole purpose of watching me shower."

"Maybe it was."

"...Really?"

"No."

"Fuck."

Ciel groaned and let his face fall in his hand, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You were supposed to be at orientation an hour ago."

"The fuck is 'orientation'?"

The detective gave him his very special glare, the one that would later become his signature for its uncanny ability to silence the cockiest speakers. "Your training."

"Ohh. Yeah. Right. Sorry about that," Alois said, not all that remorseful.

"I was there alone. For an hour, Alois. Do you know how that made me look? How that first impression has already impacted my reputation here?" He let his words sit. "I don't want to be here any more than you do. I'd much rather be back in Britain than be a guard dog for the likes of you in the States. But, I'm here for the time being, so I figure I may as well make the most of it. That means trying to make good impressions. You've got four years before you're executed for your crimes. If you complete your training, you can spend those four years out in the world instead of wasting away inside of a cell. Until then, you can kiss life outside as you know it goodbye."

Alois glowered, his eyes challenging Ciel's ever-present glare. "I don't care. I haven't properly experienced life outside in a long time. What's four more years without it?" Ciel's expression became puzzled. Before he started asking questions, Alois spoke again. "But, if it pleases your highness and his superiors," he grimaced, "I'll go to training."

"Good. Be there in 45 minutes. Have your hair dry by then, you look like a mop." Ciel started to leave as soon as he spoke. "And I'll have your suit by then!"