Hello!

Thank you guys so damn much for all the reviews! They kept me highly motivated so here is chapter 3!

Well, what can I say? This is a raw version because I need to go to bed but I wanted to have this one out already. It didn't turn out the way I had planned. Aoko somehow simply did her own thing, well, yeah. She is quite a force, isn't she? Anyway, I think this fits her character for this story. I hope it's not too confusing, thing will be explained little by little.

I hope you'll enjoy. I'd love to hear what you think about it :)

(Once I get to it I'll edit it, so sorry, if there are mistakes and since English is my third language, there are bound to be some. I apologize!)

Now on with the story.

Bonds

Chapter 2 Why?

"Alright, let's try this once more. This is Nakamori Aoko, as of now she's joining out team."

Aoko sighed inwardly. She'd been kept in the hospital for eight days until she'd been deemed healthy enough (though those doctors wanted to keep her at least a few more days because after such heavy internal bleeding there was no way she'd just heal within eight days) by hers truly and that's how she was back here where no one wanted her.

Kaito had visited her quite often, brought her flowers, chocolate, really he'd acted like before and before was something she most likely didn't want to be reminded of, so she mostly just ignored him and his attempts at cheering her up his words not her.

Once, Hakuba visited her as well, because apparently that fucker thought it was a good idea to do that until she nearly leapt out of the hospital bed to try to throttle him because what the fuck was he actually thinking suddenly pretending to care about her? He'd been not allowed to visit her again since then, both for his and her sake since she nearly opened her wounds again and it wasn't like she cared much if she lived or died but it sure was a damned hassle to be on meds and in pain.

The girl wondered if Kaito didn't actually tell Kudo about her murder attempt because she was still allowed to move here where that fucker was staying, too, because during that time only that blond damned Brit and Kaito have been there. He was lucky, Kaito was there to hold her back and throw that idiot out of the room before he had to hide a murder.

It was later that Kaito told her that he'd arranged things to get Hakuba back to Britain for an unknown amount of time – if he thought she'd feel grateful towards him then he should think again.

She wondered if she'd ever forgive Kaito for deceiving her like that. He was doing an amazing job on getting on her good side already and in the end, it had all been his decision, right? He wanted to leave, yeah well, he could. He didn't owe her an explanation or anything. If he wanted to just vanish of the earth's ground then she had no right to demand to know. Even though, still, even if he didn't owe her anything, if he hadn't – no, she wouldn't go there.

Hakuba, though, she couldn't forgive. No matter what his motivation, no matter what excuse he had, there was no way she could forgive Hakuba for straight out lying into her face. He'd known. Hakuba had known all the time that Kaito was safe and sound and he never ever said a fucking word.

She'd been ready to break, to give up and die if need be, she'd been ready to do anything just to find out if Kaito was alright. And Hakuba knew that. And that bastard dared to keep mum about it and not tell her a dammed word. It would have been enough to take her aside and tell her that Kuroba was fine. Sure, she'd probably demanded to know more but she could have given that up if she'd just known at least that much. If he just told her that Kaito wasn't dead and didn't lie, reassuring her how he didn't know where Kuroba was and was Kuroba alright? Who knows? things would be so much different now.

She had trusted Hakuba. She'd always thought that guy was honest and someone she could trust. She never doubted him even once. That's why his deceiving hurt all the more. That's why she could never forgive him. Kaito – maybe in due time because while he just vanished on her, he at least never straight up lied into her face. Even if, when she was truly honest with herself, she would never be able to fully forgive him.

If Hakuba hadn't lied to her and instead told her, that day would have ended a lot differently. Everything would be different now.

Of course, if Kaito hadn't left in the very first place, long before that things could have been prevented.

(Aoko knew, no matter how much she hated Hakuba and blamed him for what happened, in the end, he wasn't at fault here and neither was Kaito. She was the only one to blame, she was the only one she should be angry with, the only one she should hate. But sometimes it was easier to blame someone else, as well. It made the burden a little lighter. It made her hate herself a little less.)

So, after eight days she was released from the hospital and nice, pure Kudo was, of course, waiting for her to take her to the place she was supposed to spend an unknown amount of time.

Of course, after she'd been fine enough to hold a conversation he'd asked if she really preferred prison over his team. He'd promised to talk with everyone and told her to just give them time to adjust.

Well, she used to be one to play fair, she used to be the really nice girl who only ever chased around Kaito because he was an insolent little brat but that was a long time ago and she just didn't feel like playing nice.

Still, being here was maybe still the better alternative than prison so that's why she told him that fine she'd join.

So, here she was, standing in front of those guys who hated her guts and she just couldn't make herself to care about it. (It did hurt, as much as she tried to stomp those feelings down, it hurt to know she had no allies, even those just people rather saw her behind bars than gave her one last chance.)

"So", Kaito interfered, magically appearing in front of his childhood best friend. "This is Ran-chan, next to her is Kazuha-chan and that loud mouthed guy is Hattori (oi!), who you've already met. You'll meet Sonoko-chan and Sera-chan once they're back from classes. Then there's only little nee-chan who you'll meet soon enough. And to introduce the best as last - me", he bowed deeply, taking her hand and trying to kiss it before she harshly took it away "you already know, but in case you forgot my name is the-"

Aoko turned her back to Kaito, not in the least interested in his stupid ass self-absorbed speech (this is actually what she didn't miss (yes she did, this is everything she's missed so much no it isn't nothing is)) and stared at Kudo. She wanted him to know just how much she hated being here and he, in turn, could only sigh at Kuroba's attempts to make it all easier for everyone.

"Ojou-sama, you wound me" he said theatrically, clasping his heart dramatically as if he had a heart attack. If this was five years back she would have chuckled fondly at his display, but this is five years later and all she could think about was how to get away from him and his antics which were only suffocating her.

"Come on, I'll show you your room, someone can show you around later."

Aoko simply nodded and followed him up.

The house, no mansion, was very nice. It was incredibly spacey and had big enough accommodations for everyone. They were not quite in central Tokyo but still close enough so she was really surprised to find such a place.

The entrance hall was comparatively small what with only an area to leave the shoes. The living room which followed right after was humongous, though. It was a single room with a kitchen to the left side and to the right side a couch with a flat screen and behind that a pretty large table (which definitely fit all parties quite comfortably). Everything was quite western styled.

In the middle was a pretty broad stairway and next to it was a dark hall. She'd find out what was there later.

She followed Kudo upstairs through a hall with some doors.

"Here are basically just the sleeping quarters. Your room is between mine and Kuroba's."

"So you can control me easier, well, isn't that great?" she mentioned sarcastically.

Kudo sighed and stopped in front of one door. It was the forth on the right side. Probably hers and the last one would be Kaito's while the third was then Kudo's.

"Let's get this straight, Nakamori-san. I'm not your babysitter and I will not be. If you want to run away, but all means, just do so."

"Like hell, Kudo. What the hell are you telling her?!" Kaito threw in, having followed them up. Turning to Aoko, he continued. "You will not run away, got it?"

"Shut up, Kuroba! Anyway. As I said, you if you want to run away, do so. Go right through the front door, no one will stop you. You don't have to sneak out. Likewise, if you think you need to sneak out to do your criminal stuff, then do that. You're here because you chose to be. If you don't want to be here, no one will stop you. And I'm sure I don't have to remind you of our deal."

"I guess this is my room, huh?" she said coldly while pushing him roughly away from the door. She opened it, entered what was to become her room and closed hastily closed the door in Kaito's face. That guy was too damn pushy for her taste.

Leaning against the door she tried her hardest to push all those thoughts out of her head. Even if she hated to admit it but it damn hurt to hear that she didn't mean nothing for anyone to actually stop her from walking out that door. Just like that first day when no one stopped her from leaving (not that they could since she pretty soon collapsed but still).

It hurt but there was nothing she could do to change it. This was something she had to do and honestly, she's had worse. She's been at worse places. This was the most sheltered she's been in a long time.

The room wasn't very big, it only contained a bed which was on the left side and right next to it was a table in front of the window. On the left towards the door where she stood was a wardrobe.

The right side of the room didn't have much space but it was enough for her to fill it with something. It was all empty beside her bag which was sitting on her bed, she'd have to do some decorating but then again, would she be here long enough for it to be worth it? Did she even want to personalize it? Honestly, what was the point even?

Pushing herself from the door, she strode over to the bed and after throwing the bag on the floor she fell on the bed, already mentally absolutely exhausted. The bed, at least, smelled fresh and clean and it was incredibly soft and it was made so she didn't have to lift a finger for once but simply rest.

Judging by the silence Aoko figured that this house wasn't just quite big, it must also have soundproof walls. Kaito liked being loud and judging by her encounter with the Osakan duo (Kaito had told her about them) they didn't quite know the concept of silence, either. But lying here in her bed she didn't hear a single sound that wasn't her own breath or heartbeat. Maybe things would be different if all those people were up here, though. She'd see soon enough probably.

What the hell's Bakaito's problem, anyway?

He's not been like this even before. It had started before her 17th birthday that Kaito became quite distanced and over time it got only worse. He'd often cancelled their plans and the time close to vanishing he's not even been cancelling them, anymore, he simply hadn't come. For him to be acting like this, did he feel guilty? Did he feel responsible for what became out of her?

It's not like it was his fault, not directly anyway. Things concerning him led to this, that was undeniably true, but she was her own person and decisions she made were her alone. He made have influenced her, maybe steered her decisions but unmistakably her actions were her alone. She was her own person, an adult at that, who could make her own decisions and thus shoulder the consequences, as well.

Since Kaito never forced her to do anything there was no way why he should feel guilty or anything, really. He made his own decisions and she her own. They both had to face consequences based on those decisions now. They had their own demons to face but neither was at fault for the other's demons.

He didn't need to make a fool of himself to repent for his sins, which, again, were not sins in the first place. They were simply decisions he made. There were always consequences, both good and bad. One just had to make sure to be able to live with them and sometimes people made choices without ever imagining what kind of consequences it might bring.

She'd tell him to stop it, it was annoying.

Sighing, she snuggled more into her cushions and for once enjoyed some peace and warmth. It was a welcome change for now. The hospital bed had been rather hard and she was all stiff from lying on it all the time. She itched for some movement but at the same time she was tired from the charade she had to witness just a few minutes ago. Kudo tried not to be hostile but even he didn't pretend wanting to have her here.

Maybe she should just leave, after all. They'd be much happier. It wasn't that she cared about their happiness she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle all the hate and negative feelings of not being welcome here. Bigger people broke by being bullied all the time. But then, she didn't want to make it easy for them, either. They wanted war? Well then she'd give them war.

But before she could ponder it any more, a knock broke her out of her thoughts.

"Nakamori-san, there was a murder. How about you accompany us?"

A murder, huh? Must be a tough case if they called the detectives, not that they were so great or anything.

"Coming" she mumbled and got out of bed, nearly crashing into the wall by stumbling over her damn bag. (She should have unpacked first, honestly, Aoko.) Cursing, she made her way over to the door. She wore the same sweater she had when Kudo had picked her up from the station. Someone must have washed it since it had no blood stains anymore and it really smelled considerably nice. It was enough for the weather to not get cold.

She threw the door open to come face to face with a Kudo Shinichi. "Look, I'm sor-"

"Shut it, I don't wanna hear it. You don't like me, well, newsflash, I don't like you, either. So let's stop pretending this is something either of us really want and simply get used to it. In the end, if it becomes too much for you, tantei-san, then just throw me out. I don't give a single fuck."

With that she turned around and left for the stairs.

Well, what waited for her downstairs wasn't much better then before. "Are you sure this little princess can stomach a crime scene, Kudo?" Hattori asked sarcastically.

"Better a princess than an insolent brat like you." Aoko countered coldly.

"You little- what did you say?!" Heiji yelled.

"Oi! That's enough you two. Unless you pull yourselves together I'm leaving you here!" Shinichi argued and fixated both with a look of pure annoyance. This was going really great, wasn't it?

"Che", Hattori spit out. "Stupid princess" he mumbled under his breath, quite knowingly ignoring the glare directed his way of one Detective of the East.

Aoko bit her tongue from retorting a curse he very well deserved but she didn't want to get kicked off of the investigation, so she shut up. She'd retaliate later – that much was for sure.

"If you've finally calmed down, let's go" Kudo expressed exasperated.

The car ride was quite salm mostly because Kudo debriefed them on the case. It was a young girl, barely 18 years old who died in a hotel room. She was still in high school, a very bright girl with a bright future ahead of her. She was the smartest student in class, didn't drink or smoke or did nothing remotely criminal. The picture perfect daughter, really.

She was found dead in a cheap hotel room with strangulation marks on her neck. The room service found her, a woman in her 50s. There were more suspects, with alibis and without but Aoko didn't much care about it.

When they arrived she went straight for the dead girl.

"Oi, princess, what the hell are you doing?!" Hattori yelled when she kneed next to the victim. She ignored him, for better or for worse, and focused on her task instead. Maybe she should have communicated and told them what she was doing but she really had no nerve for that. Those bratty detectives were annoying enough as it was, having to explain beforehand was just a drag, so she didn't. Megure-keibu who was at the scene stopped them from interfering, having already witnessed this a few times.

Aoko put a hand on the victim's forehead and held her breath to feel – nothing. There was nothing. She waited a second longer than necessary, waiting for it to happen but already knowing that nothing would.

Opening her eyes, she let go and put her hand back in her pocket. There was sadness in her brown, once bright, eyes.

Sighing, she shook her head.

After standing back up, Aoko faced the detectives. "She committed suicide."

"Ha?! And how the hell do you know that, princess?!"

For a second, Aoko was about to punch him in the face. "Call me a princess one more time and I'll break your fucking jaw, Hattori!"

"Oi, oi, children, this is a crime scene, take it out outside, got it?" Megure-keibu interfered. "What makes you think it was a suicide, Nakamori-san?"

Aoko shrugged. "I'm not a detective, keibu. Let's have them figure it out." She pointed towards Kudo and Hattori, of which the first was already doing his job. He was kneeling right where she had been a moment before, touching the girl's forehead and wondering how Aoko got to the conclusion that it was a suicide.

When he looked at her, confused and curious, she couldn't help but elaborate a little. It probably wouldn't lift much of his confusion but might shed some light.

"There was nothing, Megure-keibu. She didn't feel anything when she died. I don't think there will be a suicide letter, either."

"What makes you think that, Nakamori-san? She has choke marks on her neck. How do you explain that?" Kudo inquired.

Aoko shook her head. "I don't. Maybe someone tried to make it look like a murder after she killed herself. Really, that's your job, not mine. All I can tell you is, she felt nothing when she died. Only people who intend to kill themselves feel nothing. If she'd been killed, she would have felt something. Terror, surprise, fear, maybe even happiness for she might have recognized that person who might have been someone she liked, before that one killed her. But there was nothing."

Aoko felt cold all of a sudden. The emptiness she had felt was the same as before. She knew what she was talking about even if they didn't understand. She didn't need them to. If they were as good as they were always preaching then they'd find out sooner or later.

Her job was done. This was not what she was after, after all.

Terror gripped her and her heart clenched in her chest. Breathing became hard momentarily and fuck she needed to get out now.

"I'm leaving now", she squeezed out.

The critical look Kudo was giving her didn't escape her but she couldn't care less.

It took way too long to find a bathroom in which she could lock herself in before she broke down, clutching at her chest, panting hard. Shuddering hard, she had difficulty planting her hand inside her sweater's pocket.

Damn it, damn it! Breathe, Aoko, just breathe. Calm down. It's nothing. You're fine. Everything's fine. Come on. Count to five. One. Two. Th-damn!

Aoko was cowering on the floor while fighting to take in oxygen which was getting harder and harder by the second. Her heart was beating like crazy, panic overtaking her more and more the longer she couldn't breathe until finally she gripped the damned syringe she was fishing for. Uncapping it took some skill but was easier than finding it before she rammed it into her thigh.

If Kudo saw this pathetic display, he'd probably send her to the crazy house right away.

Taking in big gulps of air, Aoko shuddered even more. This one was close. So very close on so many levels.

There was no way she could have Kudo or, even worse, anyone else know about this. She'd have to be more careful about it from now on. She couldn't break down in front of them again.

Shuddering with pain, her lungs were still burning, Aoko lied on her back. Putting her arms over her head, she tried hard to get her breathing to even out, to calm down but it was harder than she ever remembered it being.

Maybe a cell was the better option, after all. No one would care, if she had one these in prison. She didn't think those detectives cared, either, but she also didn't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing just how bad her mental state really was.

Damn!

Punching the ground in anger, she really wondered if this was worth it. If she was having these attacks as violently as right now, just because she had to hide from those detectives (and Kaito, there was no way she'd let him know ever) in addition to try to calm down, she didn't think she'll be able to pull it all off.

Not like this.

After a while, when she felt composed and her breathing even enough, she stood up. Her legs were pretty shaky but it would be enough to get her back.

It took her a while to get back and once she was, it was already evening. But the air outside was cool and it soothed her burning lungs, the space outside calmed her mind and by the time she arrived at the mansion, she could think again.

But the second Aoko opened the front door, she wished she had stayed as far away as possible.

Hattori looked up crossly, fixating her with his sour look. "So, are ya back, ya princess?" he asked, falling back into his Osakan accent.

Well, but that did it. She did warn him. She told him if he called her that just one more time, she'd break his jaw and break his jaw is what she did.

He couldn't look away fast enough before she was standing in front of him, fists raised, look deadly, feet apart the way she'd been taught.

She heard gasps all around her, jumping and footsteps, crying (probably Kazuha, she wasn't absolutely sure) and the satisfying sound of cracking a bone.

Hattori flew nearly threw half the room before roughly landing on his back, crying in pain from the blow. Kazuha was instantaneously at his side, Ran following. Kaito grabbed her quite roughly by the elbow, probably fearing she might pounce again.

"I warned you not to call me that, Hattori" she spit out angrily, shuddering from the exertion and exhilaration a fight always brought her.

She didn't miss the disappointed and actually terrified look Kudo threw her way, it must have quite scared him to find out just what she was capable of doing. Sometimes, it terrified even herself.

Breathing hard, she observed the scene tensely. A girl who was probably Masumi Sera put herself between Aoko and Hattori, quietly observing what was going on. Kaito didn't lessen his grip even for a second and she could feel his rage behind her. It wasn't very apparent but the way he was shuddering as well, the fact that he wasn't containing his perfect Poker Face and instead showing his emotions overtly like that, he really must be shocked to the bone. Maybe terrified, too. And angry because she punched his new best friend, huh? Not that she gave a fuck.

It only took them a few short minutes to get Hattori up and out the door, wheeling him to a hospital.

"You stupid bitch! What the hell did you do that for?!" Kazuha raged and that one she did understand. If someone dared to beat her friend, she'd more than freak out. She'd do more than just shout at her, curse her and wish death upon her (Kazuha actually didn't do that out loud, but Aoko was sure that she did so quietly, in the darkest corners of her mind).

She didn't really break his jaw. All she did was dislocate it but even that hurt like hell so it should be enough punishment. A doctor would be able to set his jaw back just fine but he'll probably feel it for quite some time. He deserved it. Even if no one but her thought that, he still deserved it.

She'd have to face consequences for sure. What was she even thinking? This was her immediate expulsion and her first class ticket to prison but really, she didn't give a fuck. He deserved to be punched and if they didn't think so, well, that wasn't her problem.

Usually, she didn't hit helpless people. Much less people who didn't see it coming. But he was a guy and he had it coming by provoking her like that. From what she was told he wasn't weak, either and should have been able to defend himself just fine.

But maybe she misjudged her own strength, let anger lead her and be unreasonable. It wasn't like she wanted to hurt him like that but he still deserved it. He did.

"What the hell was that that, Aoko?" Kaito inquired angrily, shaking her by the elbow. "Why did you do that?! I agree he's a little pisser but that?"

She'd heard that tone too often to care. Saw the look of incredulousness and disappointment and terror one too many time.

She didn't care.

Simple as that.

She didn't.

"Nakamori-san. This will have consequences."

"So what" Aoko hissed. "Do you think going to prison is the worst thing? Don't make me laugh. I might get a few days for this and then I'll be free again, so who cares?" Then she turned to Kaito. "And you better let me the fuck go right now or I'll break your jaw, too."

She felt Sera tense behind her, getting ready to pounce if she just moved a single muscle. Fortunately, though, Kaito was smart enough to let her go. He watched her with a blank face while doing it (she knew this was the worst punishment for her because he closed himself away from her again), putting both his hands inside his pants' pocket to show nonchalance. Just like before.

"There is honestly no need to invoke any more violence so just calm down, Aoko."

Weirdly enough it didn't make her angrier like she thought. Kaito usually just enraged her. He was the type who knew which buttons to push and he always pushed them.

She lowered her fists, tried to calm her still slightly shaking body and Sera followed from what she could see from the corner of her eye.

"Now, let's all sit down and wait for Kudo to sort this thing out."

Aoko knew that there was no thing to sort out. It was wasted time, for all parties involved. That was why she didn't follow Kaito to the table but instead rounded Sera who tensed like a cat in face of danger until Aoko pushed passed her and upstairs. There was no way she'd be spending even one night in this bed. If she had any regrets then that was the only one.

She'd do them the favor and turn herself in. Taking her things (her one still unpacked bag, good thing she lazed around before) she went back down again. Kaito was already waiting at the bottom of the stairs, Masumi watching her like a hawk next to Kaito. It looked like Kaito found great friends who'd fight for him, probably even more than just that.

She was glad. Really. It was one thing she was really glad about.

"What are you doing, Aoko?"

She had thought of visiting her father but decided against it. Kudo would surely, or probably not even Kudo, just some random officer would come pick her up and put her in prison. She couldn't do that to her father. It was one thing she didn't want her father to witness. She'd brought him enough anguish as it was.

"I'm doing you a favor and turning myself in, what else?" She raised an eyebrow in anticipation of his next move. Not that one would come. She didn't think it would and it didn't come.

What did surprise her was Kudo who just came back. He looked extremely exhausted, not angry, she couldn't detect even one ounce of anger. He looked tired, he looked like he saw too much, experienced too much. And then he fixated her with the most determined look she'd ever seen.

"What are you doing, Nakamori-san?"

She wondered if he was maybe stupid?

"What do you think? I'm turning myself in, of course. We had a deal, I broke it. End of story."

He didn't say anything to that but blocked her only exit. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, right next to Kaito. She didn't feel like fighting but if it was necessary she would.

"I imagine that punching someone is quite the bad thing to do. I'm a criminal. We both knew that this wouldn't work out."

"If I let you go now things will never change."

Aoko halted. Her mind blanked. What the hell was he spouting?

"Did you just hit your head or something?"

"I'd like to talk to you, Nakamori-san. As long as we didn't talk I won't let you leave."

Aoko really didn't understand what was going on. What was he trying to accomplish? She just punched his friend, didn't she? He should be incredibly angry. He should hate her. And while doing that he should show her his hatred, as well. Why wasn't he?

"I did ask you that, didn't I? You risked bringing me here and I hurt one of your friends. I imagine you're quite a bad friend for not throwing me out instantly. What will Hattori think of you if he finds out what you're doing right now?" She grinned sarcastically. "I could simply make you get out of my way, you know?"

She felt both, Kaito and Masumi, stiffen next to her.

So, they were like a little, fiddle, cute family, huh? Digusting.

"Kuroba, Sera, leave us alone for a second." When both tried to protest, he silenced them. "Just go. I can take care of myself."

He was talking about her as if she was a wild beast. Maybe she was.

"There is no need for that. Really" Aoko intervened. "Look, Kudo, I know what you're trying to do. You think I'm that poor soul, that poor little girl who went through shit and can miraculously be saved by some stupid hero. You think if you just give me a chance I might change, right? I might be saved. Well, tough luck, I'm way beyond that line. You can't save me, no one can. Really, I don't even need saving. People can be good or they can be bad. There is a lot of grey in between. Accept that I'm purely bad and go on living."

"Alright. I'd just like you to answer one question. I'll let you do whatever you want after that."

She nodded tensely.

"Why did you decide to stay here instead of going to prison right away?"

"Because I'm a criminal. Going to prison would be too easy, don't you think? This way I could commit one more crime." She grimaced. This was such a charade. What did he want from her?

"Would you like to know what I think?"

She shook her head. "Actually, no I would not."

With that she pushed passed Kaito and Masumi an steered right towards Kudo.

"Eight days ago, before you passed out" he continued.

"You said one question, tantei-san. This is a second one."

"You thanked me for trying, for giving you a chance. I think that is the only thing you strive for. Am I right? You want someone to give you a chance. "

Aoko abruptly stopped. Stupid, dumb, wicked, suicidal detectives. What the hell did they think they knew? The way he looked at her, like he knew her when he knew shit. She raised her fist, just a few more steps, three, two, one, she lunged.

But her fist never met his face.