Birth and Re-Death
Chapter 4: Knocked Down a Peg
"Uuuuugh," I groan to myself for the fifth time in the past few minutes. "What the hell did he mean by that?" I ask the ceiling. I've been lying in bed for about an hour, trying to figure out what Old-Randy's messages meant. They seem totally contradictory! On one hand he's telling me not to change anything, which he should know full-well can't happen anyway because we exist, but on the other hand he's telling me that I should off myself to make changes when things go wrong? Is he saying I should only use my power if things start deviating from the game's story? How often does that happen in this world?
My thoughts are interrupted by someone knocking at the door. I get up and open it, only to be greeted with the single most terrifying possible person.
"Gah! I mean, uh, good morning Maribelle! Sleep well?" I say probably too loudly. Her face is beet red, but her brow is fixed at an alarming angle. Hoo boy does she look unhappy to be here.
"Good morning to you too," she says, failing utterly at hiding her disdain. "I have been instructed to fetch you so that we can begin your training."
"Training?" I ask.
"I've been told you have limited field experience with healing, so Lissa and I will be overseeing your progress as you practice the healing arts while the rest of the Shepherds spar this morning," she says a little automatically. "Now please, don't keep us waiting." The door closes very quickly.
I sigh, honestly relieved. She didn't even try and kill me, which is a plus. I cross over to the small closet I've been provided and change into my priest robes, grabbing my staff on the way out the door. I don't see anyone downstairs until I duck into the kitchen, where by the grace of the gods someone has made breakfast. I didn't even realize until I was looking at the food how hungry I am. And wow, there's a lot here, too. Well, it's all in one big pot, kinda like a breakfast stew/mix thing, with what appear to be eggs and meats mixed throughout. Looks pretty good to me, so I load up a bowl and tuck in.
It's not that great, but damnit I'm hungry and am currently keeping a very disgruntled troubadour waiting. I head out back and find most of the Shepherds have paired off and are currently doing some warm-up exercises and stretches. It's a weirdly comfortable scene.
That is, until they start really fighting. It's a lot less comfortable and a lot more "wow, that looks like it hurts" and "do arms normally do that?"
I spot Lissa and Maribelle hanging off to the side, staves in hand. I walk over to them, waving and trying not to make eye contact with Maribelle.
Lissa flashes me a big grin as I approach. "Hey there Randy! What keptcha?"
"Sorry, I grabbed some breakfast on the way out," I reply.
"You grabbed...breakfast?"
"Yeah..? What's the issue?"
She and Maribelle glance at each other. "I guess nothing," Lissa says. Wonder what that's about. "Anyway, this is how morning training usually goes for us. We join the others out here and wait for one of these morons to get themselves hurt, usually Vaike, and we heal them up. Keeps them in fighting shape and it keeps us in practice. Since you were such a short notice recruit and we haven't made time yet to train you properly, we'll start with this."
I nod, understanding, and take my place on the other side of Lissa. It really is amazing to watch them fight, though. The way they duck and weave, slash and parry, I can tell these are professionals of the highest order. Certainly don't appear to be level 2 or 3, which makes me think that maybe the levelling system doesn't really work the same way here.
Chrom and Frederick are sparring right now, and all I can say is that it's a damn good thing they're both on our side. Chrom is fighting through his weapon disadvantage and keeping Frederick at the distance that best suits him, while Frederick's thick armor and massive shield provide a sturdy defense that Chrom has trouble breaking through. At one point, Frederick jumps back.
"Now, my lord, like we've practiced!" Frederick shouts, and Chrom nods. He holds Falchion behind him and the weapon begins to glow faintly with blue light. Pretty much everyone pauses what they're doing within a few seconds to watch what happens next. Holy shit, is he going to use Luna? It certainly looks that way, as Chrom suddenly dashes forward, thrusting at just the right moment for maximum momentum, but Frederick was ready and has his shield raised. However, that doesn't mean much, as Chrom's sword bursts right through the shield, cracking it into pieces and piercing through Frederick's arm in the process. He gives a small shout of pain and takes a knee as Chrom quickly lowers his weapon. Looks like that's our cue.
We run over to the pair and Lissa immediately begins examining Frederick's arm. Chrom's attack has cut through half of his forearm, breaking the radius and causing quite a bit of damage. Once the damage is assessed, Lissa and Maribelle stand back a few paces, and I realize they want me to fix this mess. I remember suddenly that everyone is still watching. Great. I gulp despite myself. With all the confidence I can muster, I point my staff at the wound and mentally command the staff to heal him, please. For a moment, I can feel that familiar hum of the staff, and the orb lights up, but when I try to push the magic out of the staff as I did before, it comes out diluted and weak. Some of the damage gets healed, a few blood vessels reseal, but mostly I haven't helped, and the motion of the healing makes Frederick grunt in pain.
Shit, shit, why isn't it working? He's hurt, everyone is watching, Maribelle is watching, Chrom is watching, and I can't get the magic to work right. I try again, and again, but at this point even the little that I could do before doesn't repeat. I shout something incoherent in frustration, literally shaking the staff to try to get it to work. This continues for I don't know how long. Why isn't it working? WORK GOD DAMNIT!
I feel someone push me gently out of the way, and then Maribelle is closing Frederick's wound. There's a sickening crack as the bone resets, but after an initial groan of pain he looks okay. Lissa takes hold of my arm and slowly pulls me away. As I'm departing, I can hear Frederick congratulating Chrom on an extremely well-executed Luna attack, and attention mostly refocuses on him and the progress he's made. Soon Lissa and I are a good distance away. We sit down on a stone bench under a shady tree.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry–" I begin, but Lissa shushes me.
"It happens to all of us sometimes, especially early on. We asked too much of you, and I see that now," she says softly. "Can you forgive us for putting you in that position?"
"What do you mean? I was healing everyone just fine in the battles we've had until now, but suddenly I can't fix a single injury?" I ask incredulously.
"I can see there's still a lot you don't know about healing magic," she replies. "To be honest, it's a little confusing. You know so much about some things, and then not so much about others even though you'd think they go hand in hand." I hope she isn't starting to smell the bullshit.
"I really am sorry. I don't even know what happened," I say, looking down.
"Well, having seen what I saw there, I think it's more surprising that you did what you did while we were out fighting before we came here than it is that you couldn't do it just now. It's pretty likely that the only reason you were healing so effectively before is that you just weren't thinking too much. Lives were on the line, you had an adrenaline rush, and your body took over. But today you did what every novice healer does: you wigged yourself out, dummy!" she says, elbowing me a little to make me look back up at her. She's smiling, and it calms me down a little.
"You think so?"
"I know so! Come on, you totally freaked out because everyone was watching!" she exclaims. "Which, duh, is a pretty stressful thing to have happen on your first day of training!"
"I guess so. What do I do now?" I ask, uncertain.
"Obviously, you go back and try again!" she says, springing to her feet and pulling me off the bench by my wrist. She's surprisingly strong, I realize. She leads me back to where the others are back to sparring, and it seems everything is normal again. Frederick is taking a brief breather over by Maribelle, who's continuing to inspect the wound.
"Sorry about that," I say sheepishly as I approach. "As you might guess, I don't always do the best under the eye of scrutiny."
Frederick smiles good-naturedly. "No harm done. As you can see, Lady Maribelle has healed me up quite adeptly. Now then, I must get back to work," he says, rising and taking up his lance and a fresh shield and walking back out.
I stand there beside Maribelle for a moment, not sure what to say, for a minute or so. "Umm… thank you for covering for me," I venture, not quite looking at her. She gives a slight 'hmph' and otherwise doesn't speak. I guess I've been pretty much exclusively letting her down since meeting her, now that I think about it. Not that she's been terribly polite with me either. Really, not even a 'you're welcome'? Cut me some slack, woman.
I open my mouth to say something again, but my stomach suddenly emits a guttural growl. Both Maribelle and Lissa turn to me, expressions contorted with alarm. Suddenly I'm really not feeling so hot. The pair of them then turn to face each other, nodding grimly.
"You might want to go," Lissa says, kind of giving me a shooing motion with her hands.
"W-what? Why? What–uuurgh–is happening now?" I ask, lurching forward a little.
"...Sully cooked breakfast this morning," Lissa says, backing up a little as she does so. Oh balls.
I'm not sure how much later it is when Mt. Randuvius stops erupting, but when it does I feel like death. At least I made it to the latrine before things got truly ugly, I note as I clean my face up and try to erase the taste of semi-digested breakfast from my mouth. It doesn't work.
I clamor out of the latrine and find I don't really have the strength to stand right now. I shuffle over to a shady patch of grass and fall down, letting the sleep of a defeated man move in on me.
When I wake up from that, though, I'm surprised to find that I'm actually feeling great. As I sit up, I realize it must have been Frederick that woke me, as he's standing right there and wow are you tall, Freddy. Hadn't really realized it until he was towering over my prone form like a monolith.
"Sorry, did you say something?" I ask, wiping my eyes. I realize it's still the middle of the day.
"I was wondering if you wished to come and train with us," he says. "Not healing training, but physical training. In the afternoons we do not spar for the most part, but rather work on building strength and endurance. Then when dinnertime comes around we have some protein to give our strength back. It's quite a sound system, if I do say so myself."
I hadn't really thought about it, but maybe working out myself isn't such a bad idea. Even if I am a healer, that doesn't mean that I necessarily have to be a limp noodle in battle. Especially if I'm maybe going to go full War Monk someday. And even though you wouldn't think so after my battle with breakfast, my body actually feels great. That settles it.
"Alright, Sir Frederick, I'm in. Gotta make up for this morning's mishap somehow, don't I?" I declare, springing to my feet. I remove my outer robes to keep my movements loose and follow him to the training field, ready to get swoll.
The afternoon fitness session is, in a word, brutal. In several words, it's perhaps the most physically taxing thing I've ever taken part in. There's always another rep to do, whether it's lifting this barrel once more, or doing one more push-up, or squatting just one more time with Vaike sitting on my shoulders. Even the part where I'm the one sitting on his shoulders is rough, because keeping balance requires extended use of muscles as well. I'm pretty sure that in total, there is not a muscle in my body that Frederick's exercises didn't seek out and punish with extreme prejudice. I've done a fair number of workouts in my life, but they were nothing like this. And that smile. That damn smile he wears every time he demands "just one more" set, for the fourth or fifth time in as many minutes. He's having way too much fun. I let him know as much at one point, to which he replies that I need to do another set. By the time it's finally over, I really do feel like a limp noodle.
As I enter the barracks, I notice Lissa sitting at a table nearby, playing a card game of sorts with Maribelle. I cross over to them and raise a hand in a halfhearted wave. "Hey guys," I say, slumping into a chair nearby.
"Hey yourself," says Lissa, "feeling any better? I guess not, based on the look of you. Where have you been?"
"Out training with Frederick and the others," I reply, wincing as my brain starts cataloguing all the parts of my body that hurt. It decides, 'most of them'.
"What? You've been training with the others!? But you were so sick before!" Lissa almost protests.
"Well I mean, I felt fine when I woke up from my nap or whatever, but now I wouldn't say 'fine' is the word for it," I say.
"But I mean, usually Sully's cooking is a full-day knockout!" Lissa says, and as she does so the cook herself enters, wincing a little as she notices me. She mouths the word 'sorry' at me and I reply with a thumbs-up and as close to a good-natured smile as I can muster with my remaining energy. Lissa giggles and continues, "I'm just surprised you were in any condition to train at all." Across the table, Maribelle gives another 'hmph' and places a card down, glancing briefly at me as she does so.
Wait, what was that look? I swear she just gave me a look. I wonder…
Dinner, which was mercifully not cooked by the redheaded cavalier but instead by Kellam, is delicious and surprisingly restorative. I never knew how good chicken and potatoes could taste until now. Though I'm like 90% sure that's largely because I worked up such a magnificent appetite. When Vaike walks in to have some, he sits by me and claps me on the shoulder.
"Hey buddy! I have to admit, the Vaike is surprised you worked as hard as you did out there! Usually you healer types are pretty flimsy, so color me impressed," he says. In response, Lissa, sitting on the other side of him, slugs him in the shoulder. "See? Didn't even feel it," he says.
"Then how did you know I did it, Vaike?" she asks, smirking smugly.
"'Cuz I saw you do it!" he protests.
"Out the back of your head? You were facing that way!"
"Whatever."
I swallow the bite in my mouth and say, "You know, you're all sunshine and rainbows with me, but I still haven't heard an apology for the little stunt you and the green-haired wonder pulled on me yesterday. She's still mad as hell at me about that."
"That reminds me," a voice behind me says. I turn around and there's Chrom, entering the mess hall. He approaches the pair of us. "I don't know how things work in Valm, Randall, but around here we generally ask that men and women use their own bathhouses. Just so you know." Great. So he knows. I wonder how long it took for word to spread.
"Well to be fair, Captain," I protest, "I wouldn't have even considered it if there were mirrors in the men's side as well."
"Mirrors? There's a mirror in the men's side," Chrom replies, looking confused. "It's in the corner, sure, but it's there. Maybe got covered up with a towel or something."
I whirl on Vaike, who is already laughing again. "There was a mirror there the whole gods damned time?" I ask with something beyond incredulity. "If my arms weren't so tired, I would throttle you," I say venomously. That just makes him laugh harder. Somewhere near the end of the table, I can hear Stahl laughing as well. I'm gonna kill them. I swear I'm gonna.
Soon enough, though, dinner is wrapped up. As I am leaving to go upstairs for what I don't doubt will be the best sleep of my life, I spot Maribelle walking down the hall to her room.
"Hey, Maribelle!" I call, and she stops and turns. As I walk over I say, "I want a quick word."
"Yes?" She looks almost embarrassed about something.
"Did you heal me while I was asleep earlier?" I ask. "Lissa said there's no way I should have been feeling okay this afternoon, and even I thought it was weird how fast I recovered."
"You mean 'how quickly'," she corrects.
"Yeah, okay, but did you do that?" I ask again.
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because I want to thank you if you did."
"Well, who knows? Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."
"Uh, you know. That's why I asked you. You'd be the one who would know."
"I'm afraid I can't be of assistance to you on that count," she says without expression. "Good night, Randall." She turns to walk away.
Baffled, I automatically say "Good night" as well without really thinking. Her door shuts. What just happened? I throw my hands up in frustration and walk away as well, making for the third floor stairs. I'm just trying to be nice here girl, damn.
I enter my room and barely have the door shut and my clothes off before collapsing onto my bed. I don't remember it being this soft before. Everything is so cozy now, and…and...zzzzzz
The next day, Chrom calls everyone together after breakfast (which because Frederick made it today, everyone is eating) for a meeting. After dinner last night, he'd had another meeting with the Council, and they finally agreed to let him set off and request aid from Ferox. He informs us that we will be leaving at the end of the week, which is in two days, and that during that time we should focus on getting equipment ready and getting rested up while staying loose.
"Now, for those that I would like to come with me on this mission, I believe the best team would be myself, Robin, Lissa, Frederick, Virion, Sully, Vaike, Stahl, Miriel, and Sumia. Any objections?" Chrom asks.
"Can I come too?" asks Kellam from somewhere in the room. "It'd be a shame to miss it."
"Ah! Yes, of course, Kellam. I'd meant to assign you to the mission initially as well." Chrom coughs once, a little embarrassed.
"Are you sure I'm ready to come on a real mission, Captain?" Sumia asks nervously, standing up.
"Well, if you don't want to go, you don't have to. But the only way to know for sure if you're ready is to have you in the field," says Chrom. She nods, still looking a little anxious, but sits back down.
Wait. I just realized I wasn't on the list. "Um, Captain? What about me?" I ask.
"See me afterwards, I've got something else in mind for you," he replies, giving me a reassuring look. God damnit, I knew I blew it. Am I off the Shepherds now or something?
He finishes briefing the Shepherds on the plan for the mission, but I'm not really listening at this point. I'm just mentally berating myself for being such a fuck-up. I think I might have an idea of how Sumia feels at this time. Finally the meeting is done, and Chrom motions for me to join him. We walk over to what I assume is his room, basically the same as everyone else's except the blue blankets on his bed have the Brand of the Exalt stitched into them. Classy.
Before he can begin talking, I make the first move. "Look Captain, I know that yesterday didn't go well, but I really want to work with the Shepherds, and I know I can do better if you just give me a second chance–"
He places a hand on my shoulder, and I shut up. "Peace, Randall. You're not getting kicked out. In fact, just the opposite. You said you need a second chance, but I'm not sure you've really had a first one. You aren't actually formally trained in healing, are you?" I shake my head slowly. "I figured. You have nothing to fear from me. I just want you to be the best asset possible to the team, and I know you want that too. So while we are on a long, frankly probably boring march to Ferox, I am going to have you doing something else."
"What's that?"
"You're going to receive the formal training you need, from someone who's fully qualified to teach you because she's already an expert herself."
Oh wait a minute. Chrom, surely you can see this isn't the best plan, right? Maybe have Lissa teach me or something, but this just isn't going to work out, man!
"Now I know you and Maribelle have had a rough couple of days here, but I have already asked if she is willing to go along with this plan, and though admittedly reluctant at first, she's agreed. She's going to have to return to Themis for a while to perform some duties for the Exalt, but for the most part she will act as your teacher, and hopefully in the time that it will take for us to march there and back, you will have learned a great deal. Does that sound agreeable?" he asks, and even though he's my commander I can tell my opinion really does matter to him.
On one hand, I'm of course apprehensive. She kinda seems to hate my guts aside from maybe healing me once, and even then she didn't accept the olive branch I tried to offer after the fact. On the other, I really want to get good at this, and it's pretty clear I have a lot to learn. More than I thought I did. And I do want to be an asset to the team. I have to be.
"Alright, Captain, I'm in."
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! From here on, this will probably be the size of a normal chapter for this story (between 3k and 4k), so I hope you guys find that suitable. As always, comments and critiques are welcome. See you next time!