It wasn't very often that Christine approached Meg wanting to talk about something. It wasn't often that she needed to—Meg could usually tell when something was bothering Christine, and she had a way of getting her to talk through it without her even realizing. Meg had a knack for observation and an impulse to share these observations that had always branded her as a bit of a gossip, but it was certainly helpful when Christine needed someone to turn to for advice. As much as she had been trying to ignore this particular problem, as much as she had told herself that it didn't really exist, she just couldn't make it disappear. It was that little twinge that had been present for months, though she had done everything she could to deny that it was there. And now that things with Raoul were improving, the guilt weighed more heavily than ever on her conscience. Maybe if she just acknowledged it, talked through it a little, she'd realize how ridiculous the whole thing was. At least, she could hope so.

She found Meg sitting at the kitchen table working on her laptop and quietly sat down across from her. Meg looked up curiously after a second.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Do you have a minute to talk about something?"

Meg's brow furrowed. "Yeah, of course. What's going on? Is everything okay?"

Christine let out a breath. "Yes? I don't know. It's probably nothing, but it's kind of been bothering me for a while, and you're always good at sorting through things like this."

Meg closed her laptop and settled back into her chair, watching Christine intently. "Okay. Shoot."

Christine took a deep breath, hardly able to believe that she was about to say the words that she had been trying very hard not to even think. "I think… I think I might have feelings for Erik?"

Meg sat up a little straighter. "Wow."

"Yeah." She agitatedly ran a hand through her hair. "And obviously I'm not going to act on it or anything. Of course not. I'm with Raoul and we're happy. And this thing with Erik is probably nothing, anyway. We just spend a lot of time together and we get along well, and for some reason I'm trying to turn that into more than what it is. I'm sure soon I'll realize that I don't really feel that way about him and the whole thing will seem really stupid. But it's… it's been a while since I first thought I might have feelings for him and I haven't really been able to shake it."

Meg was silent for a moment, and Christine could practically see the gears turning in her mind. "I mean, I guess that's possible," she said eventually. "I'm sure you're bound to get close because you've been working together so closely, and you could just be misunderstanding it right now, maybe because things with Raoul aren't always easy." Christine opened her mouth to interject, but Meg held up a hand. "No, I know that you're happy with him. But I also know that you went through a bit of a rough patch, there. Maybe you think you feel something for Erik just because you have a different kind of closeness with him."

"Maybe," Christine agreed, part of her hoping that they could just stick with that explanation.

"Or…"

"Or?" she echoed warily.

"Or you might actually have feelings for him," she finished. "It's not completely unbelievable."

Christine screwed her eyes shut and let her head drop back; that wasn't a possibility she wanted to consider. "But even if—" She sighed. "Even if that is the case, it doesn't matter, does it? Either way, I should just forget about it because I love Raoul and I want to be with him."

Meg hesitated. "Do you?"

Christine sat back up with a start, looking at Meg incredulously, but Meg went on before she could argue.

"I know it's not what you want to hear, but just listen for a second, okay? In the three minutes we've been talking, you've said twice that you want to be with Raoul. It kind of sounds like I'm not the one you're trying to convince."

"But it's true," Christine protested. "We're happy together. He's great."

"That's a pretty weak defense," Meg said. "Hear me out. So Raoul's this charming, handsome guy, right? And the two of you were childhood sweethearts and you've reconnected after all these years, and that's super romantic. Anyone would want that relationship to work. It seems like it should be perfect. But maybe you want to be happy with him more than you actually are happy with him. Not to overstep, but when I came to pick you up the other day when you were practicing with Erik, you looked really happy. It's been a while since I've seen you look that happy with Raoul. I'm not saying that that means you should date Erik, or whatever. But you should be that happy with your boyfriend."

Christine sat for a minute, silently wringing her hands as she mulled over Meg's words. She wished terribly that she could refute the claim without a hint of hesitation or uncertainty, but much to her dismay the suggestion did not seem outrageously untrue. "But it's not just the idea of Raoul that I love. I care about him a lot."

"Caring about someone and being happy in a relationship with them are two different things," Meg pointed out. "I'm just saying that it might be worth giving it some thought. I know that you love him, and I know that you really want things to work out with him. But are you actually happy? I mean, you did decide not to go on that trip with him, and you weren't exactly into the idea when he started talking about getting married. Which I definitely don't blame you for," she added. "I think it's a little soon, even if things were totally great between you two. But it seems like at least the idea of marriage should be a little more appealing if you see yourself getting married someday and really want to be with the person, doesn't it?"

Christine looked down. "I guess so, maybe," she said quietly.

"And… I kind of overheard some of that talk that you guys had a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything, but… that wasn't great, Christine."

"I know," Christine admitted. "I've thought about that talk a lot, and the more I've thought about it, the more unhappy I am with how it went. But… I don't know. I felt guilty and I just wanted things between us to be better, and he seemed satisfied in the end, so I guess I was hoping that if I just let things be for now, everything would work itself out."

"I don't think relationship problems tend to just work themselves out."

"I know." She dropped her head into her hands, trying to collect her thoughts. "You're right. I should really think about this. But let's just say that I realize that I'm not happy. That doesn't mean that I should do anything about my feelings for Erik, right? I don't even know if I would want to. I don't know if it's anything more than just a passing interest."

"Okay," Meg said calmly. "Let's work through this. What makes you think that these feelings are romantic? What makes it more than a good friendship?"

Christine hesitated. She hadn't even let herself think about this; saying it out loud, explaining it to another person, felt uncomfortable, if not even shameful. Part of her wished that Meg would just talk her out of whatever she thought she felt rather than making her look more closely at it. She'd wanted to put an end to this idea that had planted itself in the back of her mind and stubbornly resisted her attempts to ignore and dismantle it. Giving it this acknowledgement made it seem more legitimate, and the more credence she gave the idea, the greater the betrayal to Raoul felt. But it wasn't like she was confessing to doing anything wrong, she reminded herself. She was uncertain about the way she felt, and she certainly hadn't done anything. And if there was anyone who would help her work through something that had been eating away at her without judging her or making her feel bad, it was Meg.

"Remember last semester after your recital? Erik and I ran into each other there and ended up hanging out for a while, and then he took me to pick you up from that party. While we were waiting for you outside, there was this moment… We were really close and I could feel this electricity between us and… I wanted to kiss him. And it's like since then I can't quite stop wondering what that would be like." The admission came out in a rush, as if being buried for so long had made it more urgent.

Meg thought for a moment, letting Christine's words settle. "So do you think there's a possibility that it's just, like, superficial attraction?"

Christine shrugged. "I guess it's possible, but it feels like it's more than that. He's passionate, and he's a genius, and he loves music like no one I've ever known. When he smiles my heart beats faster. And, sure, he's kind of…"

"Rough around the edges?" Meg supplied.

"Yeah. But he can be so kind and thoughtful and sweet."

There was another long pause before Meg spoke again, her words cautious. "It sounds like you really do have feelings for him."

"I know." Christine shook her head. "So I have feelings for Erik and I might not be happy with Raoul," she said incredulously, finding that saying it aloud didn't make things any simpler and instead grasping for anything that would nullify the situation. When she did think of something, she spoke with a note of almost desperate hope. "Even if all that is the case, it still doesn't really matter. Erik doesn't feel that way about me. So I should just drop the whole thing, right?" Meg scoffed, and Christine looked at her questioningly.

"Are you serious?" Meg laughed a little. "You think he doesn't have feelings for you? Have you seen the way he looks at you? I'd decided not to mention this before because I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it, but he is so into you."

"What are you talking about?" Christine felt a blush creeping up her neck as she did her best to forget the look that she knew Meg meant—the one that always made her feel so pleasantly warm. "How he looks at me? You've met him, what, twice?"

"Hon, it took all of five seconds to notice. Seriously, if you don't see the way he looks at you, it's because you're trying not to."

Christine was silent for a moment before shaking her head again. "This is silly. We shouldn't even be talking about this. I'm with Raoul, and until I figure out whether or not I really want to be, that's where it ends. There's nothing more to discuss. I don't know what I'm doing even thinking about this."

Meg sighed and reached over to cover Christine's hand with hers. "I'm sorry, Christine. I don't want you to be second-guessing everything because of me. I just want you to be happy, and I really think you should give some thought to what you want."

"I know," Christine gave her a tired smile. "Thanks for watching out for me."

A moment passed before Meg spoke again, her voice cautious. "What about the mask?"

"What do you mean?"

"It doesn't bother you at all? I mean, don't you feel a bit like you don't really know him?"

Christine wasn't sure if she was relieved or not that they had somehow reached the other subject that had been sitting like a rock in her stomach. "I looked," she said quietly. "I looked under the mask, Meg. He doesn't know."

Meg's eyes widened. "What? When? How?"

"I…. When I came back early from break, our lesson ran long and it was snowing really hard and the roads were a mess, so I suggested that he just wait out the storm here. He ended up spending the night and… and I woke up in the middle of the night and looked out into the living room and the mask was just a little off…" She let out a frustrated huff. "I should have just turned around and gone back to bed, I know, but I guess I thought that maybe if I saw even a little bit of his face then I wouldn't be so curious anymore and could just let it go."

"And?" Meg pressed after a moment when she didn't continue.

"And so I looked. And it didn't seem that terrible, but it was dark, and I could only see a little anyway. I can't decide whether the worst part is that I broke my promise to him like that or that I'm a little relieved that I couldn't see much."

It was silent for a moment, and when Christine looked up she found Meg watching her thoughtfully.

"I really, really wish I hadn't done it," she said quietly, almost to herself. "What do I do, Meg?"

Meg blinked and shook her head. "I don't know."

"You don't know? But you know everything!" Christine joked weakly.

"I know, I know, I'm usually a fountain of wisdom," Meg said, giving her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry."

Rubbing her eyes and sliding down in her chair, Christine remained quiet for a moment. "I don't think I should tell him about the mask," she said eventually, her voice tired but decided. "As horrible as I feel about it… it would be best to just forget that it happened, right?"

"That sounds reasonable," Meg said carefully.

"You think I should tell him?"

Meg shrugged helplessly. "I told you, I really don't know. I'm not sure there's really a good option, other than maybe traveling back in time and stopping yourself."

"That sounds about right," Christine sighed.

There was another pause. "And what about the other part?" Meg prompted a little hesitantly.

"I'm even less sure about that, if that's possible." She stared down at the table, studying the grain of the wood and the scratches that peppered the surface until her vision blurred and she had to blink it back into focus. "I'll talk to Raoul," she said eventually. "Maybe if we can just work through some of those things that make me unsure, I would be fully happy with him and the rest of it wouldn't matter anymore."

"I think that's a good idea," Meg told her. "Just be honest with him about what's bothering you about the relationship."

Christine nodded, determined to see at least that much through now that she had a little bit of direction. She would talk to Raoul, and if they could start to work things out, that would settle the whole issue; there would be no room for question about whether or not she was happy with him, no more thoughts of Erik as anything more to her than he should be. And if they couldn't work things out… well, she would figure out how to deal with that part if it came to it.

She met Raoul for coffee later that day, feeling a little disoriented in the bright, bustling coffee shop that he had suggested rather than her usual trip to the Nightingale. Raoul ordered their drinks while she waited for him at a table, and he joined her after a few minutes, flashing her a warm smile as he sat across from her.

"Another busy weekend for you?" he asked.

"Not too bad, surprisingly. I think it's the calm before the storm, though. Rehearsals are going to get pretty intense with the show coming up so soon." She paused, taking a sip of her coffee. "Hey, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure. Of course." Raoul sat forward in his chair, his expression sobering a little. "Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly. I just…" She glanced up, meeting his eyes. "I'm really glad that we've been able to fit in more time together lately, but I still feel like things are a little off between us."

He looked away, shifting in his seat. "I… I'm sorry you feel that way," he said, his voice calm but his expression tight.

Christine paused. "You don't feel it at all?" she prodded gently. "You feel like everything's good?"

It was a second before he spoke. "I don't know. I feel like things are at least better."

"That doesn't mean we can't work on things a little more, does it?" she asked, reaching across the table to take his hand. "Look, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or give you a hard time. Honestly. I just want to make sure we're doing what we can to make this work and make sure that we're both happy."

"That's fair."

She gave him a soft smile, squeezing his hand. "I know that my schedule hasn't been ideal and that it can been hard to coordinate things when you're so busy too, but I really have been trying hard to work on us. And I'm going to keep trying. I just… I would appreciate it if you could try a little harder to see where I'm coming from, you know? I need you to understand that just because music and school are important to me and keep me busy, that doesn't mean that you're less important to me."

Raoul thought for a moment before nodding. "Maybe I have been a little… insistent. It's just because I love you."

"I know," Christine replied. "And I love you too."

"I'm sorry if you feel like I haven't been supportive of you. I don't want you to feel that way."

"Thanks for understanding," she said, her smile growing a little as her uncertainty began to fade a little.

"Is there anything else that's bothering you, as long as we're on the subject?"

Christine hesitated for a second, glancing away as she thought back to her conversation with Meg. It hadn't been easy to confess any doubt about the relationship, even to her best friend. But hadn't that doubt been what she had just addressed? Raoul would try to be a little more understanding of what she wanted, and she would continue trying to put a little more priority on what he wanted. Any relationship required that kind of work; recognizing that didn't mean that she was questioning the relationship. Maybe she had overreacted when she had talked with Meg. She had been a little uncertain and worried that Raoul wouldn't respond to her concerns like he had, and she had made more of the situation than it really was.

Thoughts flickered through her mind of Raoul's family and their cool disapproval, of the rigid plan for their lives that Raoul might or might not still have in place, of Erik. But it would be so easy to let herself believe that these issues had only seemed significant because of doubt that no longer existed, that it had all built up in her mind until it seemed liked a much bigger issue than it really was. It would be so easy to let herself believe that all of her concerns had been smoothed over. And as she met Raoul's eyes again, finding them full of kindness and concern, she found that she just couldn't dredge up the will to voice something that would only upset him.

"No," she said. "There's nothing else."