I do not own anything besides these words and the cover art.

Nami moaned in pain as she reached his apartment door and rested her forehead against it. Zoro chuckled behind her and turned the doorknob. She collapsed forward, but Zoro gripped her sides and walked her into the apartment as she swayed lifelessly.

"I am dead," Nami cried out as she tilted her head back into his shoulder and crossed her arms over his own around her waist.

He smiled down at her, "Come on, it wasn't that bad."

Training side by side, and with their sly tutors, Nami gave up trying to be shy about where her arms went and what her body wanted. It occurred to her, as they panted beside one another, that he got her. His desire, or love, whatever he would call the darkness that hooded his eyes when he looked at her, it took her. The gaze, the actions, and the motions, all of it was so hard and it hit her. It knocked her out, stunned her. Even though every part of her brain wanted her to recede back into her false sense of structure, separate from him, it was on the floor where he lay beside her and they shared a smile that Nami gave in. It was a KO. It did not help that Mihawk and Boa always had an air of tumultuous want around them. Even when the brooding dark couple focused on their pitiful students, Mihawk and Boa's eyes would lock and Nami would witness something she so desperately desired and was afraid to ask for. Her desires were limited, and she grew up rather quickly. She took care of her ailing mother and then her sister, and regardless of how many tear and blood stains she would get on herself, she smiled at them knowing they did not need to know what she was going through. Only one person besides Nojiko and her mother knew when Nami was lying and when she was not. Ironically, Usopp figured it out as Nami saw through his lies rather quickly, too. They were inseparable, and when Nojiko became ill, Usopp became her family.

For so long, her desires were limited and she grew up rather quickly. She took care of her ailing mother and then her sister, and regardless of how many tears and blood stains she would get on herself, she smiled at them knowing they did not need to know what she was going through. Only one person besides Nojiko and her mother knew when Nami was lying and when she was not. Ironically, Usopp figured it out as Nami saw through his lies rather quickly, too. They were inseparable, and when Nojiko became ill, Usopp became her family.

She felt Zoro's exhales against her back, and found comfort in the way it was so large and heavy. It crushed her and yet she did not move away. She was being so very selfish, but Nami needed this. She wanted this. They did not need to speak, so it felt surreal, like this hold her had on her as they laughed inside his apartment. They would pretend, but Nami knew when Zoro asked her to voice exactly what they were to each other, she would need to run. Yet for now, after months of training with him, sharing with him, and wanting him, in that collapsed mansion as she reached out and held his hand and Zoro helped her up, Nami surrender to her desire.

Zoro recognized the change seamlessly, and let her rest against his body without a concern about what it meant as they stood in his apartment. He had always been a warrior, but it was the first hit that he saw himself helpless and his heart lost the fight. The stubbornness, the desire to rationalize why he wanted to keep her close meant nothing. He gave up getting her tipsy or annoyed in order to have her next to him. It was silly, but he just wanted to be in bed with her and just hold her as she let him do that. For some reason, he had a dark sensation that something terrible was going to happen, and he was desperate to keep it at bay for as long as he could. Zoro did not believe in fate, but for now, he would live with her as she gave in to what her eyes had been asking of him the moment she looked at him.

Nami let herself melt into him as he held her up, both still sweaty and dirty, "No, you're right," Nami smiled, "It wasn't. But…I guess I have a new appreciation for the technique you hone in the ring."

Zoro tilted his head to the side and raised a brow, "I thought you said you knew about fighting before all this. That's why you came and found me, right?"

"I do," Nami flipped in his arms and played with his earrings, "But…" her voice grew low and her eyes drifted down, "My fights do not end with a winner…it ends with a survivor."

Zoro brought her closer, his hips rested just above her own. He took her chin and made her look up, "Hey…I told you…you're not alone anymore."

Nami smirked as she stuck her tongue out, "I'm not in the ring with you."

She peeled off him, and Zoro did not stop her. He stretched his weary muscles and groaned as he pulled his shirt up and mumbled through the fabric, "Not true. You got my back, right? So I got your front."

Nami giggled as she watched him try to get the shirt off, walked back towards him, and stood on the tips of her toes to help him. As she pulled it off, Zoro looked down at her with a quietness that stilled her. Yet, she let her jokes get the best of her. "Hmm, and who is going to get my back, huh?"

Zoro tossed the shirt to the ground and pulled her towards him, his arms around her waist and Nami's arms went up to his. "I can cover that, too."

"Isn't that too much for one person to manage?" she whispered as her eyes fluttered to his lips.

He focused on her direction because he was always waiting for her lead. "Yeah," he said as he licked his lips, "but I got a good manager, right?"

His hand went down her lower back and then he felt the buzzing and frowned as Nami pulled away from him and went to grab the phone from her back pocket. She gave one glance at the screen and sulked, and Zoro knew who it was. He was not sure what he wanted to do, so he just scratched his head as Nami mumbled a quick, "I need to take this" and bolted for the door.

Zoro's arm extended briefly but he dropped it back down and grunted at the somehow predictable blockade before him. He had a name for it but no face and no plan. However, if Zoro could keep her by his side, then at least he could protect her then. Not that she needed it, which she did not hesitate to show off during their practice fight. He shook his head in frustration and groaned as his muscles told him to relax; otherwise, he would indeed injure himself. Therefore, he went to take a much-needed bath.

Nami closed the door behind her and picked up the phone, "Yeah?"

"Is that any way to greet someone?" Arlong asked.

Nami leaned over the railing and looked down at the parking lot to distract herself, "No, but I'm kinda busy."

"You seem to be 'busy' quite a lot, Nami."

"Well, trying not to get killed by a crime family does that to you."

Arlong chuckled, "Glad you bring that up. Turns out that Crocodile is quite impressed. Apparently, he tried to recruit Zoro a while back…but it seems your fighter wasn't convinced. But with the show you two put on, he's willing to play ball with us."

"I'm glad..." Nami said, "We almost died for a 'ball' game."

"Don't be so dramatic, Nami. These things take time. I mean, did I just let you walk into my home and family? No. You earned it. You had to prove your loyalty. Blood speaks louder than any amount of words, and Crocodile received his payment of blood."

Nami scrunched her face up in disgust. "Great, Arlong. I'm happy to be of service then."

"Really? Well, I'm at your place now. It's fine for you to come back. Crocodile is not looking for revenge. If anything…he might just take you from me."

Nami winced as her muscles tightened. "No, thank you. And…and I'm not coming back tonight. I'm actually really beat and gonna crash here."

"Where is here?" Arlong said with slight suspicion.

Nami pressed her forehead to the railing as she tried to steady her spinning head. She suddenly felt very faint. "You…you said you didn't care about who I was with."

There was a pause and Arlong spoke firmly, "I don't. But I hope you know I don't like to waste money. If you were just going to sleep around, why did I get you this damn apartment?"

Nami evened her breathing and tried to end the conversation, "Look, I'll be back later. Just…let me rest, okay?"

"Am I overworking you…or is the boy?" Arlong chuckled, "Fine…do whatever you want, but just because you in part won this new connection for us doesn't mean I approve of your tone. According to your timeline, your next fight should be this weekend, right?"

"Yes," she said with a huff.

"I hear the guy is a big name, too. Calls himself a god, so Zoro better be up to take down a giant."

"Ha," Nami huffed, "Don't you worry, Arlong. If I've learned anything…it's that the bigger they are…the harder they fall."

"Don't get cocky, Nami. As far as I'm concerned, you're not the one fighting so whatever you have to do to make Zoro put in his all…?" Arlong paused and chuckled, "What am I saying? You're there convincing him all you can, aren't you?"

Nami did not respond so Arlong continued, "Whatever it is, just let him make it to the next fight. Things are heating up, and with this potential partnership, we can become even stronger. I know how much you crave that, right, Nami?"

She scoffed, "What I crave is…whatever I want. And what I want is to leave."

"And I'll keep my promise, Nami, don't worry. Just listen to me, and you'll get all you ever wanted."

Nami did not like his tone. It felt as if he knew something she did not, and in their world, knowledge was just as powerful as brute strength. What Nami lacked in muscle mass, she made up for in secrets. It was why she had survived so long, tight-lipped and putting herself above all else. A loyal man was easy to trust but weak to manipulation…a selfish man was easy to predict but hard to charge. Nami refused to change until she could remove the target on her back and the mark from her arm. Until then, she would bite her tongue and do what she needed to so that she survived.

"I…I need to go, Arlong."

"Hmm, say hi to lover boy then."

He seemed to slam the phone shut as it crackled in her ear, but Nami looked at the screen and bit her lip. She knew she needed to call Usopp and see what he had gathered on Arlong's dealings. He was unusually quiet, but with her being sick and Zoro over, she was glad Usopp had not called. Nami was still rationale, and she knew that she could separate certain things in her life. If Zoro knew about Usopp, things would get more difficult when she wanted to just pick up and leave.

It was not fair to him, but Nami was very good at controlling her addictions. For now, she would see what pleasure she could have but she still needed to prepare for the enemies down the line. Nami took a stretch, it felt like lightning struck her bones, and she cringed as her joints burned. She definitely pulled something and as she limped back to the apartment, she heard the bath running.

Nami took off her shoes and quickly stripped down to her sports bra but kept her tiny shorts on. The door was open a crack and so Nami peeked through to see Zoro relaxed in the tub with a towel over his face. His arms were against the porcelain edges and Nami found it quite convenient that he left the door open and his body bare. She quickly tiptoed inside. With a quick plunge, she entered the bath and splashed water over the rim in every direction.

"Oi!" Zoro groaned as the towel fell off his face and he shot daggers at the one person cheeky enough to spoil his mood. However, now the mood entirely seemed to change as Nami peered at him. Her hair was already damp from their work out, but now with the water, the very edges waved and curled around her face as she smiled at him.

"Sorry," she chuckled as she bit her lip and lifted a leg out of the water to place it right by Zoro's hand, which clutched the rim of the tub from her sudden drop, "I pulled a muscle so I figure I needed a warm bath." She frowned as Zoro seemed in a trace from every word from her mouth, "But this bath isn't as warm as I'd like it."

He quickly grabbed her foot, pulled her towards him, and growled, "It's an Epsom salt bath. Extremely hot water is not good, but in warm water, the salt breaks down into magnesium and sulfate. The theory is that when you soak in an Epsom salt bath, these get into your body through your skin. That hasn't been proven, but just soaking in warm water can help relax muscles and loosen stiff joints."

Nami teased, "Oh? You gonna help me relax?"

Zoro frowned as he tried very hard to control himself, "Depends, witch."

"On?" She said as she traced a finger across his jawline.

"How stiff are you?" He had meant the question in a very serious and sincere manner, but Nami was not one to let a good game out of her hands.

She pulled herself closer and her hands traveled down his chest, "Shouldn't I be asking…you?"

Zoro let out a sharp exhale and his eyes grew wide as her fingers barely grazed him. Nami blinked at his sudden awareness as if he only just realized her intention. He fumbled quickly, "Nami! Wh-what the hell?"

Nami giggled, "What?"

"D-don't do that," Zoro muttered as he tried to move away from her, but Nami simply followed him and ended up on his thighs and pinned his legs down to the bottom of the bathtub.

"This is only fair. You undressed me and washed me…Zoro, did you keep your hands to yourself then?"

Zoro turned pink, "I told you! You were sick and disgusting…I had to."

Nami leaned forward, her hands back in the water. "And now it's my turn."

Zoro furrowed his brow, his signature frown plastered across his wet face. His voice was low, "Don't start something you can't finish."

Nami leaned closer, her wet bra against his chest but Zoro could feel the hardened nipples just beneath the soaked fabric. "I can finish you just fine."

He grew angry, "I'm serious, Nami. This will be your responsibility."

Nami grinned at his insinuation. She looped her arms around his neck and she could feel the pressure between his legs. Nami was not intending to tease him, but he made it so easy. However, at the rate they went, it was no longer a tease but a prompt. "I should say the same to you. Seeing me vulnerable like that…you expect me to just let you go?"

His eyes never left hers and then his arms found her waist and pulled her even closer. "Then don't…"

Nami felt it as her lips brushed his. It was familiar to what she did to trick him into a headbutt, but now, Nami's only intent was to clash their bodies together, for his heat to be hers, and for her to lose all other thoughts if only for a moment. All their talk was leading up to the point where they had no more space to tease or taunt. It was here in a salt bath, sweaty and hot; they would find out if everything they felt for each other was just in their heads. He could feel her hot breath mingle with his own, and Zoro was ready.

Then the door slammed open and Zoro seemed to launch Nami in the opposite direction as her knee jammed into his gut, or more specifically his painful erection. As she flew back, Zoro hunched over into the water with tears in his eyes. The boom startled Nami, and so her body moved on its own, but now dirty bath water surrounded her and she let out a giant exhale as she rose from the slightly foamy water to look at the damn fool who interrupted her.

Sanji stared at the center of the mess, his face red from both anger and sadness. He had seen Nami's shoes then Zoro's shirt. The slight splashing of the bath made him see red and before he knew it, he had kicked the door open and found it secretly satisfying to witness Zoro with a painful expression and Nami in utter confusion and embarrassment. Sanji was all for their tryst, or so he believed, but he did not want it happening in his tub.

"Oh, was I disturbing something?" He said coyly.

Nami wiped her face and tried to keep her voice controlled, "Uh, no! We-we were just um…" she rose and Sanji was slightly disappointed to see clothes on her, but his confused emotions were overtaken by the clear mark on her arm. The symbol was distinctly the one in Tashigi's files, the one that marked Nami as nothing more than a common criminal.

Zoro collected his voice and let out a shout, "The hell is wrong with you, pervert-cook? You just like kicking down bathroom doors?"

Sanji shrugged with his hands in his pockets, "I always greet you like this…"

Zoro fumed with frustration. "Yeah, but you…"

"I?" Sanji inquired as he reached for his cigarettes and let the two before him sort out their thoughts.

The silence was painful, and Nami heard a booming echo from every drop of water that came off her body. It was oddly cold now, and not just in the air but also in Sanji's expression, so Nami got out of the tub and spoke quietly, "I…I think I'm gonna go."

"No," Sanji and Zoro said in unison, though their reasons were clearly different.

Nami looked from one to the other and tried to understand what was being spoken through their glares. She did not like being the topic of discussion between stares. "Sanji, I'm sorry. Look, nothing happened."

Sanji did not look away from Zoro, "Oh? I figured. Really, Zoro? The tub of the apartment you don't even own? You'd think you'd do better by Nami."

Zoro did not like having his worth or his manner questioned by a lovesick fool, but Sanji did bring up a fair point. Was Zoro so hungry and lustful that he could not do things properly? He was not up to Sanji's level of entertaining and romancing, but a post-workout bath was not Zoro's exact scenario for this. Not that he thought about, but Sanji definitely did.

Sanji turned and gave Nami a small smile, "Why don't you really wash up in my personal bathroom. There's a small shower in there, and then we can have dinner."

Nami suddenly felt oddly naked and bare in front of the blonde cook who only stopped looking at her face to pay a tiny glance at the tattoo she bared. She felt like he was inspecting her but it was not in his normally perverted way. "Um, okay. But I can go ho-"

Zoro rose quickly, "No," Nami stared at him wide-eyed as he continued, "I mean, you're not in the best shape, so just stay here. It's fine. Right, stupid cook?"

However, both Sanji and Nami continued to stare at him and Zoro wondered what made them look at him as if he grew a second head, but then he felt a slight chill down his body and Sanji's chuckle made him realize.

"Well, Zoro. I'm glad one of your brains is functioning."

Nami could not stop staring it until the pink in her cheeks turned a bright red. The tips of her fingers felt it, but to think that she really did not know what was rising beneath her in that water. It was a bit monstrous and suddenly Nami grew aware that Zoro was starting at her stare at him, and she rushed out of the room.

She heard Sanji's boisterous laughter as Zoro inevitable threw various objects at him and they clattered to the bathroom floor. As she locked herself in Sanji's room and ran to the shower, she turned on the tiny sink and threw water on her flushed face. She stared at herself in the small mirror, but all she could see was the inevitable length that hung between Zoro's legs. For once, Zoro was right. Shit, she thought, I'm not ready for that big of a responsibility! Nami jumped into the shower and let the cool water cleanse her as she cursed herself for acting like such a novice. It seemed the tables had turned and Zoro would have the upper hand, so Nami resigned herself to ease up with the teasing…least she truly started something she could not finish. At least, not if she wanted to be knocked out by his dick.

Music Inspiration/Theme: "K.O." (Pabllo Vittar)

HEHEHE – enter, THE MONSTER DICK. LOLOLOL

When I thought about how I wanted this to go, it was going to be awkward, but I couldn't just do that. I've given you all too much sadness and angst so what better to break that up than some crazy COCKamamie story. Tee-hee, pun intended.

Real quick tho, watch the music video for this song…so good, and also, fun fact: "Phabullo Rodrigues da Silva, known professionally as Pabllo Vittar, is a Brazilian singer, songwriter, and drag queen."

1) Portuguese, YES 2) Drag queen, YES 3) Boxing theme song? YESYESYES.

I also wanted to use this as my springboard for fleshing out Sanji's character. As I said before, I like some diversity in this jam, so I couldn't resist honoring the okama in Sanji. I mean realistically, his character is all over the place but I haven't seen the recent development so idk if I can speak to his true sexuality - but in this story, Love Cook is a bit more multifaceted than being a simple pervert. Also, that's so boring!

Also, let's see how dinner is after we have all seen Zoro's giant penis. Hahahaha, I'm still laughing—dang it, I am such a goof. FYI, there is a map. I looked into it (p.s. when you are a writer the FBI monitoring your search history will find that you can range from mega creep pervert to serial killer in hiding but it's all just research) - and wow, Japan comes in at #4 with an average of 4.1 - 5 inches when erect.

Here's to all the boners that were raised for this "research". Anyway, for posterity sake, I am giving Zoro a hypothetical – clearly mathematical- erection of 6.5 inches. This is part of the top percent coming straight outta Ghana, Gabon, Jamaica, Haiti, and Nigeria. Again - ladies & gentlemen, it does not matter the size cause quite frankly after a certain length, ya don't feel it…inside, anywhoo, BUT it is about what you do with it. Also, I wanted to be realistic to what Nami would consider scary looking.

I haven't seen THAT many penises, at least not erect (#artmajor), and I am not saying Nami has seen a ton either but come on…sometimes, let's be real…penises can look like creepy fleshy, vein snakes…and I'm not into that but I needed this for the comical effect. Also, ya know me…I like to keep it factual. But HEY, Usopp is South African, so good job being in #2, Usopp!

Regardless, these are averages and ya never know what might be hiding under the Epsom salt water…lol

Until the next chapter, lovelies!

Side note this research came from The Sun in the UK, just search: "Map reveals average size of erect penises around the world… and African blokes come first" - so English! Haha

-UPDATE: I am sorry for not updating sooner. Frankly speaking, it might be a while before my next blast of chapters cause life is getting busy and I won't really have a break until January. But please note, this story is important to me and you, the readers, are also very precious- so thanks for being with me!

XoXo shipfiend