I do not own anything besides these words and the cover art.

"What!" shrieked Perona. Her fork dropped to her plate with the grace of a sledgehammer.

"Shut up!" Nami and Zoro said in unison, faces red as they looked across the table at the pink haired woman. Sanji was too busy in a doe-eyed state of hypnosis to add anything to the conversation besides speaking of the incident in the bathroom in extreme detail.

"And how big was it, Sanji-bear?" Perona asked with a childish tone, but before he could respond, Zoro pelted him with a dinner roll.

"The hell you got to talk about, pervert-cook!" He turned to Perona and fumed, "And why the hell are you here?"

Perona lifted her hand from underneath the table to reveal it interlocked with Sanji's. She shrugged, "It's date night."

Nami shook her head as Zoro groaned, "How did you two even…"

"I told you. Hot BDSM sex in the quaint little inn-"

"Rhetorical question!" Nami said firmly as she rubbed her temples. "Look, it was nothing…"

"Evidence supersedes argument," Perona said firmly, "The fact is that whoever gets results is the victor. You can't be reticent if things take too long…" she sighed, "Read between the lines of discretion with honed senses. What reduces the chance of winning right now is a game based in reality."

Nami and Zoro stared at her open mouthed and confused. Nami responded, "What the heck does that-"

"I'm tired of waiting for you two! You take longer than two fucking turtles." Perona fumed and threw a vegetable at Nami, which Zoro caught easily. She put a finger to her chin in thought, "Actually have you ever seen turtles fuck…it is kinda scary."

Zoro stepped in and yelled at his roommate, "Oi! Sanji! Can you control your crazed demon?"

Sanji quickly splashed water on Zoro's face and he sternly spoke, "Speak ill of her one more time, brute. I'll cut you down right here."

"Oh yeah?" Zoro said as he rose.

"Yeah!" Sanji replied angrily.

However, suddenly both women at their sides shouted a terse, "Sit!" and the men promptly took their seats. Zoro understood Sanji was a puppet, but he grunted at the thought that he was just like the lovesick blonde. Zoro looked at Nami who chewed a piece of broccoli with serious concentration.

"You see, Zoro? The boundless dream of desire in your heart swells up, so you won't be stopped by anyone…except the witch that has all the control. Hmm, Nami?" Perona turned her attention to the other woman and grinned, "The situation looks grim, but it's gutless to just run away. I can't see how things will end, but all you can do is courageously advance, and hold your instincts in check, and search the target for an opening. Or give him one."

Nami responded without looking up, "I told you, it wasn't like that."

"I suggest a hotel next time. I just wish to be a part of the fantastic toasts praising me for bringing this courtship to an orgasmic explosion."

"Ew?" Nami said with disgust. She looked at the self-satisfied woman. "I told you, it was nothing."

"Well…" Zoro finally mumbled as his fork scratched the plate, "It wasn't nothing."

Perona clapped but Nami fumed as she turned to Zoro, "No, we didn't do anything. Tell them."

"You're right," he responded in the same level of anger, "but it wasn't nothing. Admit that!"

Perona nodded emphatically as Nami bit her lip. She went back to her plate and mumbled, "It…wasn't…that…but it…wasn't…not…that."

Zoro looked at her and wondered why she would get so embarrassed all of a sudden but Perona only rolled her eyes, "The perfect 'golden time'- you'll seize it with those hands, Zoro. Finish this…" she motioned to him and Nami, "…by just leaping in! Nami knows a thing or two, so I'm sure it won't be as awkward as you two seem to be now."

Sanji finally chimed in, "And try not to do it in a freaking tub. You're clearly not flexible and you might just crush poor Nami."

Perona grabbed Sanji's attention with her fork, "Actually, Nami takes yoga. She's quite flexible. Which is why I'm surprised we're still here…in this…unresolved state."

Zoro mumbled, "I'm flexible just fine."

Nami looked at him, sullen at being considered weak in something as juvenile as his range of motion in a tub, regardless of how adult the situation was. She smiled and reached over and patted his head, "Yes, yes, Zoro. You're very flexible."

Zoro turned and looked at her, unfamiliar with her touch all of a sudden. He blushed slightly at her mocking tone, "Don't joke. I am."

Perona bit a piece of mashed potato off her fork and grinned, "Why don't you go to yoga together then? Hmm, Zoro? Show off. Then you'll prove to her how you can truly finish it magnificently."

Perona addressed Zoro but Perona eyed Nami at her emphasis, a coy smile intending exactly what she meant to tell Nami. She was being challenged to take her chances with something as literal as a big erection. Nami's ears grew red and she knew that Sanji probably spilled everything he needed to since Nami was not exactly forthcoming from the shower when Sanji brought her some clothes from Perona's to change into. At first, Nami was glad Perona's gift was not leather and involved anything detachable, but Nami quickly understood that this was Perona's way of teasing her for such a reaction.

"Fine!" Nami said firmly as she put her fork down with a thud, "Zoro, we have hot yoga tomorrow at 8 PM. Be ready!"

Nami glared at Perona the whole time but Perona giggled as she turned her head and looked at Zoro, "Oooo, get excited. You'll need the energy to pump you up. Fair warning, it's dangerous, so you'll have to go beyond your limits."

Zoro scoffed as he finished his meal and drank his water, "Oh, please. It's yoga. How hard can it be?"

"You main concern should be how hard you'll be…" Sanji started but before Zoro could throw another dinner roll, Sanji picked up his glowing phone and saw the blocked caller ID. He did not want to answer, as it would inevitably be Tashigi with an update of some kind. Sanji kissed Perona and excused himself as Zoro continued to yell on about his strength.

Perona watched Sanji go and frowned. He looked unnaturally serious, but she would need to find about it later. She redirected her attention to the couple across from her. She put her elbow on the table and put her chin in her palm. "Alright, Nami, tell me…is it true?"

Nami crossed her arms and leaned back, "What?"

Suddenly, Perona's hands went up side by side. It looked as if she was going to clap, but she started separating them as she made the gap bigger and bigger. She chuckled, as Nami did not register what Perona was implying. Perona asked her cheekily, "Hmm, bigger than 5? 6?" She turned to Zoro and winked, "Good for you!"

He had turned beet red, but suddenly dinner rolls bombarded her from every direction as Nami yelled profanities in the quiet and small space.

Music Inspiration/Theme: "Golden Time Lover" (Sukima Switch)

Yes, yes, this is the third opening for Full Metal Alchemist. I first had this as "Alarm" the TroyBoi Remix, but that didn't fit right.

Side note, I did an unholy google search cause I saw something on IG. It is called, "Golden Lover Zoro". If you are good with yaoi, whelp, there you go…Zoro…is um…a giver…very…passionate…and…wow. W-O-W. Unbelievable. Why can't I get that level of detail and skill in a ZoNa fic? HMMM. I angrily stare at my computer screen praying for highly skilled artists to love this ship as much as I do and give me some work to put words too… again, this doujinshi does not need any more words. Promise. Haha. Jesus, forgive me.

ANYWHOO, this was something and when I read the lyrics for the song, it fits so much better. Also, Japanese! Trying really hard to get inspiration outside of American music…pero, it is so hard thoooo. Lol, just cause I listen to it more and can more easily understand the lyrics, ya know.

Anyway, stay here cause let's see who's called Sanji, hmm? DUN-DUN-DUN!

XoXo shipfiend