Finally, I'm able to update. Sorry for the wait. Remember when we were tearing the flooded house apart? Now we are putting it back together which is way more effort. I write when I can and this is an important chapter. I found us a new Jacob/Bella song. I've listened 115 times at least writing and editing this one. Please take a listen if you're able to my chapter muse "Issues" by Julia Michaels.

Chapter 14

"Cause I got issues
But you got 'em too
So give 'em all to me
And I'll give mine to you"

.

.

They sat at the table, eating in relative silence. Bells cooked a big breakfast. He didn't think he had an appetite, but one taste of her fluffy scrambled eggs proved he did. Jacob missed Bella's cooking. He missed her was more accurate, but he saw a glimpse of her today.

She broke the silence, "Maybe you could provide me with more basic cooking utensils since I've proven I can fight off temptation."

"I'll think about it. What do you need?"

"Well, decent knives for one." Jacob frowned at that request. She was better, but not enough. "I know what you're thinking but seriously, Jake, I chopped chives with a plastic spoon this morning. You can keep them in a lock box if you want and watch over me while I use them. I finally think my appetite might be returning to stay. I can't remember what decent food tastes like."

"This." He tapped his plasticware on the paper plate. "These fancy scrambled eggs taste amazing."

"Thanks, they're just eggs, chives and cheese."

"Bacon's good too. Crispy, just like I like it."

"I can tell. You ate half the package plus four pieces of toast."

He smiled at her and she returned her own partial grin. Bells wanted to live- not all the time. At least with him, she admitted she still wanted to live. It was a start, a tiny victory after a series of setbacks. There were obstacles remaining. He tried his damnedest to push them out of his thoughts. The fucking bloodsucker messed with his head before he destroyed him. Jacob had nightmares about it. Bella probably thought he was in pain every time he yelled out in his sleep, but it wasn't only because of his broken body. In his dreams, he broke her heart and in response, his heart broke as well. That was a stupid nightmare, drug-induced. Jacob was too strong to imprint. He was committed to Bells, so he banished those crazed thoughts. He couldn't be distracted by something that would never happen; she needed his focus.

"Anything else?"

"A whisk, some kitchen shears, um… let me think. What about cooking twine?"

"I don't even know what that is?"

"I was thinking of making a stuffed pork loin and I need the twine to wrap around the meat so it doesn't come apart. Do you think Seth will shop for me?"

"Yeah, if I tell him to, he'll do anything."

"I think you like these new powers a little too much."

"Want me to make him hop on one foot and cluck like a chicken for you?" Bella erupted in real laughter. That settled it. Jacob was ordering Seth to do that. "Stop. You're terrible. Why would you give him shame orders?"

"Because it would be funny as hell. Even you laughed. Admit it, you're dying to see it."

Bells covered her lips with her fingertips. She touched around her mouth like she was unsure if she was actually happy and needed tangible proof. They were going to get through this someday. Together.

Jake's phone dinged ruining their jovial mood. Leah. She texted a smart-ass comment about Bella being a new nurse. He saw some interchanges between them overnight. Bella must have been texting on his phone.

She said she was calling for a detailed update. He swiped to answer when her name popped up. Leah talked without hesitation. "Hey, Nurse Bells. How's the patient? Alive, I guess. Mom said she hasn't heard from you in hours. Can you hear me? I hear you breathing. Bella?"

"Guess again."

"Jacob!"

"Yep, you called my phone, did you not?"

Leah dropped her cocky tone. "Oh, hey there, alpha-boss. I trust you are feeling better."

"Better enough to beat your ass. Get over here now so we can discuss what you did."

"Okay, you have a right to be a tiny bit pissed. I took a risk, but chill. I was right. She had the situation under control. You should be thanking me and who you trying to fool? You'd never hit a woman."

"Maybe, but I might be reconsidering the ethics of it since you aren't just a woman, are you?"

"Fuck it then. I can take it, but you better admit I was right when it's all said and done."

"I admit nothing. Get over here now! That's an order. Oh and bring Seth. I have shit for him to do."

"Jacob, please. You're not going to punish Leah, are you?"

"Of course, I am."

"Well, you did live and I'm a lot better because of what she did."

"Agreed, but she needs some consequences."

"Don't fight her, please. There's been enough of that because of me."

"I won't. I just said that to mess with her. I'm not sure how to deal with her yet. I need to think about it. Since you brought it up, Sam and I made a tentative agreement, a reconciliation of sorts, but I was pretty out of it."

"Good. Are you merging the packs? Will you be alpha?"

"Slow down. I was in excruciating pain. All I remember is I thanked him for saving my ass and dealing with the rest of the Cullens. He said we would always be brothers. And hell no, I'm not alpha. I don't want that large of a pack. I can't handle such a thing right now."

"But it's a possibility one day when I take less of your time because I'm sure that's what you mean by having no time."

"Bells, focus on your healing, nothing else matters."

"They matter to you so they matter to me. What Cullens, Jake? No one told me. What else happened?"

He told her what he could remember. Rosalie helped out the pack, her mate joined in as well. He was loyal to her. The motherly one Bells called Esme remained in shock the whole time. She didn't attack. That much he knew. Sam was going to deal with them. He needed an update from him later.

"Poor Esme. I don't think she would ever condone what Carlisle and Edward conspired to hide from her. I hope the survivors came to a peaceful solution with Sam. Even though I'm grateful to Rose for sticking up for me, I kinda hope they leave. I think that would be best for all of us."

Jacob agreed. He lost count how many time he wished she would send them away before, but it never happened. Today, the words slipped easily from her lips. They were quiet again. Bells started to gather the plates. He stopped her. "I'll do that. You cook. I clean."

"But you're recovering."

He grabbed the stack of dirty dishes out of her hands. "So are you."

Jacob pushed his anger aside enough to deal with Leah in a rational manner. He wasn't going to give her the satisfaction hearing a thanks… yet. She was right. Bella took care of him and didn't harm herself. She thought about it though and she was honest with him about those feelings. Knowing those thoughts went through her brain all night was enough to withhold that pat on the back Leah desired. He would not ever take chances with Bells. The disobedient she-wolf took a chance. Strange that she and Bella appeared closer now. They were chatting about kitchen and cooking stuff. Seth busied himself writing down the new grocery list.

He kept interrupting their discussion to ask what shit was and where he could find it?

"Maybe you should go, Lee."

"No, you need to branch out, bro. You're going and don't ask Mom for help or I'll deeply embarrass you when you least expect it. Time to pop that tit out of your mouth. You're a wolf not a fucking baby." Leah loved to embarrass Seth. Jacob felt a little sorry for him and was reminded of his delicate age. He would give the kid a break and drive him to the store at least.

He remembered his plan to make Bells laugh. Jacob stood behind Seth and flapped his arms. He nodded for permission about the chicken thing. Bella covered her mouth to giggle, but she shook her head. Seth was rattled enough about the grocery store, especially when Leah added Tampax to the long list. Jacob decided to save the shame command for later. Bells kept smiling and his determination to help her stay that way increased. They had a long road to recovery ahead, but for the first time in over a month, he thought hope wasn't in vain.

Days passed. Jacob and Bella were in a new routine. Things were better. Her good moments weren't always the best, but he reminded himself they ceased to exist when she first came back to him. Cooking helped. The easiest times were talking over a meal prepared by her. He surprised her one morning after pancakes for breakfast by knocking off some boards that had been covering the windows.

"Thanks, I forgot what the sun looks like. This is nice."

"The weather's nice this week. It's supposed to rain all weekend. We could sit outside on the porch or take a walk. Sunlight is good for you and we need to take advantage of the nice days."

"I don't know, Jake. Someone might see."

"Honey, you were out of it when we moved here. This place is pretty remote. Who will see? Leah and the guys are the only ones that come around and they stay away when I tell them to."

"Okay, I was going to make a hot cocoa. Would you like one? We could drink them on the porch, but I don't think I'm ready for a walk yet."

Jacob told her that sounded nice. He had been taking one day at a time with her and if she was willing to try something different that was enough for him. She crafted a supreme hot cocoa topped off with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.

They sat on the steps, but not too close. Bella struggled with contact, even the slightest touch made her recoil. Jacob hated that fact. It was one of the worst challenges for him. They used to be so comfortable with affection.

She sipped from her mug. "You're right. It's nice. I figured it'd be colder by now."

"Yeah, wonder if we'll have a mild winter?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she kept her drink close to her lips. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. He chuckled.

"What? Why are you laughing at me?"

"Um, you have a little…" he almost reached over but stopped himself. He pointed instead. "There. Your enthusiastic slurping left whipped cream on the tip of your nose."

"Oh," her cheeks reddened and she whisked the sweet cream off her skin. He wanted to do it for her but not yet. She wasn't ready. He loved her so fucking much. That would never change. Now that they had some normalcy he realized he loved her even more than before. Bells said she was damaged and irreparable, but Jacob loved her more than he thought was humanly possible. His true feelings meant more than any make-believe imprint.

"Bells, can I ask some tough questions?"

"I guess so."

"What scares you the most about living?"

"Whoa, tougher than I imagined. Um, lots of things."

"Like?"

"The unknown."

"What do you mean by that?"

"The future."

"All of us have an unknown future, Bells."

"Yes, but will I always feel the way I do? I sure hope not, but who knows. I can't cope with always being like I am."

"Okay, I understand your fears, but pretty sure you're changing. Even when you don't see it, I see you. I always see the real you. Anything else?"

"Yes, people. I'm really afraid about being around people again. Maybe they'll take one look at me and know. Can you imagine always being pitied?"

"No, but you're extra self-conscious right now. That won't happen. Anyway, maybe I can help with introducing people back into your life."

"How?"

"Start with who you love the most. Let me contact Charlie."

Bella clasped her hands tightly around her mug in her lap. Jacob witnessed the tension fill her body. She loved her father, there was no doubt about that, but Bella had built up this wall about any sort of conversation regarding Charlie. Jacob didn't know if it was shame, apprehension, or general misgivings. She married Cullen. Charlie didn't want her to and he was vocal about it, but Bella assured him she was making the right decision. They knew all too well how wrong her decision had been and she still blamed herself for what happened. Jacob hated he couldn't stop her from doing that. Only one individual was to blame for her attack, and she needed to admit that to herself before complete healing took place.

After a long pause, she admitted, "I can't."

"He's your father and he's grieving. Do you think that's fair?"

"No, none of this is fair! Knowing the real truth will hardly curb his grieving." Her irritation increased with each pressing question from Jacob.

"Settle down, Bells. We're talking. I'm asking tough questions which you allowed. I'm suggesting Charlie is a good place to start if you want to test being around people again. You can't hide from him forever. I'm giving you space and time, but I'm not that cruel. Eventually, Charlie will know his only child is alive because if you don't tell him, I will."

Her finger went up close to his face and for a second, Jake thought she was going to poke his eyes out. "First off, don't tell me to settle down. Second, I know I can't hide from him permanently. But if I decide… well, you know I'm not sure if…"

"Stop. You already said you want to live and you asked for my help. I'm helping. There are no other decisions about your life continuing, so take the self-harm and suicide off the table. I won't let you throw that in my face because you're panicking."

"You've got a lot nerve saying shit like that to me. I don't take orders from you so stop the power trip. It doesn't work on me. Don't you pay attention to how I look and act? Do you think I'm ready to face him yet?"

"Yes. I most certainly think you're ready. I believe it will help. How about my father for a trial run? He's seen you when you were way worse. Rachel has been asking if we would like to come over for dinner. We could try dinner at home and you'd be around people. I can kick Paul out if he's too much for your first try."

"Rachel asked me to dinner?" She sounded surprised. "She hates me."

"Bells, I don't tell you everything so I don't overwhelm you, but Rachel has apologized several times to me. She was wrong and asked how she can help us. Remember, all she saw for a month was me after you left. Emotions were all over the place the night I fled with you. It's one simple dinner. We'll go over to Dad's an hour tops. Then maybe a few days later, we call Charlie?"

"I don't know. I'm not ready."

"Fine." His fine was said in a way Bells would know her answer wasn't fine, but Jacob could only press her so much at a time. "I need a run. Seth will come stay with you."

"How long will you be gone?"

"A while."

"You've been taking longer runs."

"Yeah, the wolf needs them."

"Because of me?"

Jacob stood up, drank the last of his cooled drink and handed her the mug. "Thanks for the hot chocolate. I'll see you later."

Jacob stayed away longer than ever. They made progress, but there were still lots of issues. He was surprised to find Seth and Bells playing Chess at the table when he came back home. Home. Was this really his and Bella's home? It kinda felt like it even at the worst of times.

Seth groaning about his losses to Bells wasn't the first thing Jacob noticed. The air outside had an inviting aroma he smelled a mile away. She cooked again. Jacob's mouth watered. "What's in the oven?"

"That's a surprise. Well, I guess not anymore since I promised Seth a plate to take home."

Jacob eyed Seth. He wondered what those two did all day. It was the first time Jacob didn't come back until dark. He shouldn't have walked out on her like that, but she was frustrating the hell out of him on a regular basis. Bella stood up from the table and opened the oven. Meat. Jacob smelled it clearly now. She made a pot roast.

"I can get that."

"No, it's fine. I'm pretty stoked I can lift something with my measly muscles. Seth supervised when I put it the oven."

"Be careful, Bells. Don't burn yourself."

"She held up her gloved hands. I won't."

"So, who's winning?"

"Bella. I think she cheats, Jake."

"I do not cheat. You're just really bad at Chess." She giggled as she pulled the big roasting pan out of the oven.

Maybe leaving her today was a good thing. He missed her, but it gave him an opportunity to cool off so he didn't say the wrong things. Seth made Bella happy. She was totally different after spending the day with him.

Bella hurried to fix Seth a to-go bag. She went all out with the meal tonight. She cooked carrots, potatoes and green beans along with the roast. There was even a fresh loaf of bread. Jacob came in behind her. "Not too much, 'kay. I'm hungrier and bigger than Seth." She swatted him away with her big oven mitts.

"There's plenty. Seth worked up an appetite with his mental straining." Bella turned around and handed the bag to Seth. "Thanks for keeping me company. Don't forget Monday to ask about what we discussed."

"Sure, Bella. I'll get everything together."

Jacob was lost. He didn't know what they were talking about. "Get what together?"

Bella covered her lips with the universal secret sign. "Don't. He'll find out when it's a done deal."

"Find out what? I hate secrets. Seth, I…" Jacob was about to order him to spill, but Bella shoved him hard from the side. She touched him and he forgot all about the order. Seth split before Jake could regroup. Jacob couldn't stop thinking about both her hands wrapped around his rib cage. It was a few seconds, but he liked it.

"You're in big trouble, mister."

"What'd I do?"

"You're were about to order that poor kid to tell my secret."

"I told you I don't like secrets. Just tell me, I'm sure it isn't a big deal."

"Wrong. It is a big deal and it's about you. I'm not ready for you to know."

"About me? No way then. I'm calling Seth back right fucking now. No one keeps secrets about me." Jacob went to the front door and Bella kicked open the cabinet door. He watched her curiously to figure out what was she was up to.

"Stop. You might want to rethink that if you're hungry."

She lifted the roast and tilted the pan slightly toward the trash can. "Hold on, Bells. You wouldn't dare."

"Try me. Shut the door, leave Seth alone and don't ask about the secret or this goes in the garbage. In fact, if you don't drop it, I'm not cooking for you ever again."

"Forever is long time, Bells."

"So I've heard." Bella hadn't lowered the dish. Jacob slammed the door and started for the table. She halted him again. "I don't think so. You're filthy. Shower first then dinner. Maybe I have one tiny surprise I'll give you later if you're a good boy."

Jacob held his lips tight together. He didn't want to go overboard, but her words excited him a little too much. He needed that shower more than ever.

Bells was wrapped up in a blanket and still shivering. They were on opposite ends of the couch. His belly was so full he could barely move. Bella made him stop before going for thirds so she could make him a special sandwich the next day. She surprised him with his box of DVDs from home. Leah had dropped them off one afternoon. He couldn't remember the last time they had a movie night, probably pre-Italy. They tried to start a few during the months the red-head toyed with them, but Bells always 'had to go' early because the tick would call.

She insisted it was his choice even though she knew what he'd pick. War movies were Jake's favorite, but they were not Bella's.

Storming the beaches at Normandy was in full special-effects action, so her hands covered her eyes. "If you're going to hide your eyes the entire time, I can put on something different."

"No, it's only this part. There's a lot of limbs lost and brutal shots."

"Well, it's depicting war, honey. The whole movie is brutal." He rethought picking Saving Private Ryan. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it at least a dozen times. Bella attempted watching it once, but she fell asleep halfway through. He remembers that night well. She fell asleep on him and Charlie let her stay the night. Bells got the bed and Jacob took the floor. It was one of the best nights of his life even though the floor sucked and he hadn't slept a wink. She was safe and sound close to him. Just hearing her breathing all night was enough for him.

"Could you grab me one more blanket?"

"Yeah, but I can make a fire."

"No, it's not that cold and that's too much trouble. I can't help getting chilled when the sun goes down."

"You could scooch over a little. We never used to watch movies so far apart. My internal heater might help."

"Jake…"

"What, Bells? It's not a big deal. I'll keep my hands to myself. I always do." Jacob had to change the way he previously acted around her. He used to touch her on purpose just to hear her heart race. He made her nervous. She was excited when he used to touch her, but he had to accept touch didn't mean the same thing to her anymore. It was tough because they both knew he was nothing like him. Jacob would never hurt her with his touch, but in Bella's mind all contact was potentially bad.

"Can we start somewhere? Just like sunlight, human contact can be healing. Only what you feel comfortable with, I swear."

"It's so hard. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's okay. I'll go get the blanket."

"No, wait. Not yet. I need to try. I could at least sit in the middle."

"Sure, sure, Bells. I'd like that."

Halfway through the film, Bella had moved over enough they were almost touching. He wasn't sure how she could get that close and not actually touch him. He could barely slip a sheet of paper between them, but she still didn't let it happen completely. It was a start and he was definitely happy with their progress. She was sticking with the movie this time too. Jacob enjoyed sharing something he loved with her although she cried even when it didn't seem like a part worthy of tears.

Bella surprised him when she hit pause during a crucial scene. He thought she finally accepted the blood and gore and wanted to know how it ended.

"Hey, it's getting good. Why'd you stop it?"

"It's because he's touched me everywhere. I mean, there's more to it, but I can't imagine your gentle hands touching me in the same spots he hurt me. It's not fair and my mind knows you will never hurt me, but I can't forget, not yet."

"I know. It's okay, but whenever you feel ready, tell me. I miss us. I will never push you, but we used to hold hands and hug a lot, so it's weird how much has changed. I wish it was still okay to do those things. I'm a touchy-feely guy, more so after the wolf. I swear I'll never hurt you, Bells, but the truth is sometimes it's a painful ache not to hold you like I want or tickle you when we're teasing or squeeze your hand after you cook me an awesome dinner. I wish it was okay to move that curl out of your eye or wipe whipped cream off your nose. I get it though. You need more time."

"What if there's never enough time and I'm always like this?"

"You won't be."

"You don't know that. I'm sure you have… um, urges." She hid her face from him. Jacob was still a teenage male and had plenty of urges. She had no idea, but he was strong enough to put her needs ahead of his own. "Your life shouldn't be on hold waiting for me. This is one the guilts that eats me up inside."

"Do you want me to go out on some dates with other women? Would that relieve your guilt if you knew I'm satisfying my urges?"

He studied her expression, but Jacob was baffled. He couldn't tell if his question shocked her or pissed her off. She spouted off that fair bullshit too much. Their lives weren't fair at the moment. They hadn't been for a long while. He wanted to know if him moving on would actually help her because he thought he knew the answer. She needed to draw the same conclusion.

Her arms folded over her chest and she heaved out a reply, "If that's what you need to do then by all means, go for it. I think I'm going to bed. Have a nice time."

He laughed at her. Oh, shit, this was too good to be true. Bells was jealous. She was so jealous, she was seething.

"Now! You think I'm going to go out and find female company right now because I can't hold your hand while we watch a movie?"

"I'm not standing in your way. I want you to live your life, Jacob. That's what I've always wanted."

"I'm not leaving here. It was a hypothetical question."

"No, I think it must be on your mind. Now I know better about Leah that she is definitely not your type. Who is she? Forget it, not my business."

"Huh?"

"I feel like you have someone special in mind. Maybe you saw her today when you were gone eight damn hours."

"I'm not fucking seeing anyone. I barely even know any other girls' names anymore. My life revolves around you and before you start the whole guilt complex thing about that again, it's a fact because that is the way I want it. I want my life to revolve around you, Bella Swan. I chose to be like this a long time ago, before I knew the truth, before I wolfed out, before all this shit went down. I just want to be with you and you're practically green you're so jealous, so I think it's safe to say you want to be with me too."

"I am not jealous and I'm not sure what I want anymore."

"Liar."

"I'm so fucked up, Jacob."

"Yep, I must be too because this is still the only place on earth I want to be."

She pushed the blanket off and rolled up her sleeves. "You shouldn't want this. Look at me. I appreciate your dedication, but these scars are still here. They're never going away. Why would you want to touch them? I sure as hell don't."

She'd done these dramatics before. Jacob hated the story behind the scars, but when he looked at Bells, he saw past them. He truly did. She couldn't, but Jacob swore he could, and now she needed to believe him.

He reached for her hand. She pulled back a little, so Jacob relaxed his grip. He touched her with the softest brush of his fingertips. His fingers trailed up the length of her left arm causing her skin to erupt in goosebumps and her breath to quicken.

"Trust me, Bells. Close your eyes and feel how much I care about you. His fingers traced a few of the marks and she didn't pull away so Jacob continued. He wasn't going to do too much but just enough. He closed his eyes too. They were sitting on the couch in the glow of the TV, and Jacob reminded her she never had to fear him.

He stopped in the bend of her arm because something was different. Jacob opened his eyes and pulled her arm closer.

Bella snapped out of the calm state he put her in. "No, stop. That's enough."

Jacob immediately released her. "Okay, but look."

Bella looked down to where he pointed. "Is the other arm like that?"

"Like what?"

"Take a closer look." Bella and Jacob studied both her arms. He was right. Something was different.

Bella covered her mouth. "Oh my God, that's where I got the transfusions."

"I know."

"The scars are disappearing. How?"

"I don't know, but it's clear as day. Look, they're gone. The exact spots where the needles went in to fill her veins with Jacob's blood were regular skin, Bella's milky white skin unmarred by bites. The area had previously been full bites. They could see the other half of the scar, but one side healed completely on both arms.

She started crying and shaking. "What does it mean? What's happening? Can you heal all of them?"

"Calm down, I don't know, but I can try." Jacob needed to talk to his father, maybe Sue. He silently wondered if Old Quil knew anything about something like this. He claimed to be a healer in his younger days. Quil always teased him about it. They thought he was talking out his ass when he drank moonshine and got all mystical.

She was on the verge of hyperventilating so he had to talk her down. "Slow down, honey, take a breath through your nose and blow it slowly out of your mouth. Breathe with me." Jacob and Bella took a few breaths together. His blood healed the bite mark. Jacob kept saying it in his mind. It wasn't enough to just flow through her veins. His blood had to connect with her open flesh. She had a lot of large scars and that worried him. One tiny needle hole wasn't traumatic, but what potentially needed to happen could be too much for her. There were too many uncertainties. If he could heal more of her scars, it would be a huge deal for Bella.

"You think it's a fluke?"

"No, but I don't know for sure. It's late. We'll see what we can find out tomorrow."

"Jacob, what if your blood is the key? I want these hideous reminders gone. Please, promise me you'll do whatever it takes, even if there are risks."

"Bells, I will do what I can, but I will never take a risk with your health or life."

"No, promise me. These have to go. If you can heal me, then promise."

"Fine, I promise. Honey, I will do whatever I can to heal you. You have my word." She thought he meant the visible scars, but Jacob meant all of her. He'd heal her from the outside in if it was possible and he didn't want to brag, but he swore he was already doing it.

.

.

"Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you"

~Thanks for reading.

I don't want to brag either, but I love this chapter. LOL! Okay, there might be questions. Can Jacob heal these scars? What about Charlie? Bella has a secret with Seth... hmmmm. I wonder if Jacob and Bella will ever touch in this story. Ask away, dear readers.