~In honor of Taylor's birthday, I'm giving my lovely readers an update.

Chapter 18

Old Quil began his third pass around Bells. "You've seen 'em already. What's the deal?"

Bella had to pull off her hoodie and long-sleeved shirt, so the old man could get a good look at her scars. She trembled in place while Jacob held her hand.

"Patience, boy. Is he always this rude?"

Bella lightened up and smiled, "All the time. Go on, sir if you need to see them again."

"No, I think your protector is right. I've gotten a good look. Tell me something. Do they hurt? Itch, burn, anything like that?"

"No, they feel numb, almost like dead spots."

Jacob was surprised. She'd never told him that. He did his best not to bring them up, so he would have never asked these questions.

"Yes, makes sense. Jacob's blood brought you back to life before, didn't it?"

Bella looked at Jake. He smiled at her and she nodded, "Yes, we believe it did, but why did it only heal the scars where the needle went in?"

"I don't have a good answer for that, but Sue and I think direct contact is exactly what you need. It's not going to be pleasant for either of you. Jacob's a big, strapping boy with the wolf inside. He'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about. So's Sue. You're awfully tiny and a little frail looking. I don't mean that negatively."

Bella slipped her layers back on, "I'll be fine; I'm stronger than I look."

Understatement of the year. Jacob agreed, but something didn't sound right, "She is, but why are you worried?"

"Sue needs to cut both of you. That's what we've decided. I've prepared a sacred room. The spirits will intervene on her behalf, but if you'd rather think on it a little longer, that's understandable."

"Cut her? No, no way, you're not cutting Bells."

"Jacob, stop. I'm sure it's not that bad. Do you mean like the IV did? A needle stick?"

The old man explained in graphic detail about opening Bella's dead flesh to allow Jacob's healing properties into her. She wobbled just hearing about. Jake grabbed her elbow to stabilize her.

"That sounds extreme. She could lose too much blood. I'm not comfortable with this and neither is Bells."

She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "No, I can do it. Let's get rid of this horror show today."

"Only one, dear. I'm sorry, but it's going to take a long time to cleanse you fully."

"What? One! You must be kidding. I need them all gone. I can't wait any longer." Jacob was expecting this not the cutting, but the part about this taking a while. Bella's despair indicated she thought it would be a quick fix, and he couldn't bear to crush her first brush with hope.

Sue spoke up. "Bella, be reasonable. Jacob's right. You're going to lose blood. Your reserves are low. One at a time is the only option and we'll have to see how this goes to know how often it can be done."

Worry was etched all over Sue's face. She didn't want a setback and she'd seen Bella in bad shape. They should wait. "We're not ready. She's not ready yet. Not today."

Bella pinched her brows together with her hand on her head. "I'm fine. I can do it, but if I handle the first one, then at least let me try another."

"She has the warrior's heart, like you, Jacob. That's why your souls have aligned."

He and Bella both turned to gaze at the old guy. What did he mean by that? Bella whispered, "Is he confused?"

Jacob spoke back to her through the side of his mouth, "Always. Now can we go home?"

Quil arrived and distracted everyone. "Whoa. I forgot you guys were coming today. Good thing I put my pants on outside."

Thank God poor Bella and Sue were spared. Quil began to ransack the kitchen not caring there was an important private moment taking place in the next room. "Grandfather, where's the bacon? You know you're not supposed to eat that on your new diet to lower your cholesterol."

"I think you ate it last night for a midnight snack."

"No, I clearly remember I changed my mind and fried chicken wings instead of making a bacon cheeseburger. Grandfather, tell the truth."

"Maybe I should make Quil something."

"Hell no, Bells. We're in the middle of something. Sue, give us some facts, what if Bella loses too much blood?"

Before Sue could answer, Quil was in the room holding a frying pan in one hand and a large piece of fruit in the other hand. He bit into the damn thing, "Eww, this is disgusting. No wonder you're failing the diet. Health sucks, and I know you ate that whole package of bacon, cheater."

"Quil for fuck's sake, will you get lost?"

"Jeez, what's your problem? I'm fucking hungry."

Bella took a step toward the kitchen, "That's a mango."

"It's nasty."

"You're supposed to peel it. Here." Bella snatched the mango from Quil's hand. "What are you hungry for?"

"Anything. I could eat a horse."

"Well, I'm not about to cook a horse, but I'll make you something tasty. I need to cook, so I can think."

"Woo-hoo. Thanks, Bella. I missed you. See, Jake. Bella's nice; she doesn't yell at me."

Thirty minutes passed. Bella found roast beef in the fridge and made them all French dip sandwiches. Jacob hoped the time spent in thought made her come to her senses. He didn't want her to risk this, at least not yet. She wasn't 100%.

Bella took a bite of her creation and washed it down with a water bottle. "Let's do this. If this must be done in steps, I have to get started. Don't warn me or show me anything sharp. I'll close my eyes, so I won't get squeamish."

Old Quil was happy. Jacob was worried Bella was about to be a guinea pig for some spiritual ritual he always wanted to try. If Sue wasn't on standby, he'd pick Bells up and toss her over his shoulder to make a run for it.

Everyone finished their lunch before following Old Quil in his specially prepared room which wasn't a sacred room by any stretch of the imagination. It was Quil's mom's room before she moved in with that shifty car salesman.

"Oh, this smells nice."

Old Quil had candles burning all over the room and the window was covered with a blanket. There was a bed next to the wall. Jacob wondered if Bella needed to go to sleep for the procedure. He honestly had no idea what to expect, but his eyes caught sight of bandages laid across the bed along with a strange blade.

"Sue, you can't be serious. Don't you have a scalpel, something that has been sterilized in this century?"

"The knife is clean Jacob. I did it myself."

"Cleansed," the old man added. "There's a difference. Bella's wounds are supernatural. You can't expect us to treat her with modern inventions. That dagger has a long history with the Quileutes. Your ancestors have blessed this tool."

He mouthed to Bella, say no.

She nodded instead, "Thank you for believing I'm worthy of this heirloom. I'm honored."

"Worthy? Oh, you're more than worthy. This is divinely sanctioned. I know the full story."

Jacob rolled his eyes. He was saying weird shit. Old Quil didn't even know Bells, but he was acting like she was a queen. Sue and Old Quil took turns explaining the process. Bella needed to pick a bite, and it was no surprise she chose the one close to her neck. It was the worst. Sue needed to cut her first. Old Quil planned on burning some stuff on a side table. They both had to drink a special tea that would promote healing. Once Bella's bleeding was established, Jacob would cut his own hand and place it over her wound.

"What if I heal too fast?"

"Cut deep and place it against her open flesh immediately, then I'll bind the two of you with the bandages. It will work."

Bella pretended to be brave, but Jacob could tell she was a bundle of nerves

"Okay, I'm ready." She leaned to the side to expose her neck.

Old Quil chuckled, "Oh no, not yet. You and Jacob need to rid yourself of all these clothes. It's important you fuse as much skin as possible. This is not a medical procedure; it's spiritual in nature. Skin on skin has many healing benefits.

Neither Jacob nor Bella were expecting Quil's grandfather to suggest they get naked together. There was no way. Of course, Quil was eavesdropping and making all sorts of inappropriate gestures at the door. Thankfully, Bella's back was turned and didn't see him.

She spoke up, "Um, I can't take off my clothes. Jacob and I, we're not, well... I just can't."

"We know you've been through an ordeal, child. I promise we'll be respectful."

"Look, Bella's neck is exposed, I can take off my shirt, but we're not getting naked for this. That's a bit much."

"Your generation. I swear, and old people are supposed to have hang-ups. It's the body, made in the image of The Great Spirit. Quit making it dirty, Jacob. Shame on you embarrassing this dear girl. Wear your underclothes if you must, but I'm only trying to do my best. This is a cleansing, healing ritual, clothes are a hindrance."

Once they were alone, both began to fumble over their words nervously, "You don't have to Bells. He's a little nuts."

"Yeah, I see where Quil gets his quirkiness. I mean, stripping seems overboard."

"It is. This can't be a pleasant experience and I just want you to be as comfortable as possible."

Bella let out a long sigh, "We're the definition of comfortable or we used to be. I'm okay with how we sleep. It's not that different only I have on boy shorts instead of my pajama pants. You could wear shorts. Do you have any?"

Bella started sleeping in these cami things a while back. She complained he was too hot for long sleeves. Jacob wore jeans today. He could borrow some shorts from Quil, but then he remembered the time he accidentally picked up a pair of his cut-offs from the stockpile. They were damp. Jacob dropped them and swore he was keeping his shit separate from then on.

Quil insisted he smell them that it was only soda. Jacob didn't need to smell them to know his idiot friend was a total slob.

"Um, my boxers are just like shorts." Bella blushed, but nodded. "You honestly don't have to."

"No, Mr. Quil is right. Jeez, we aren't prudes. We sleep together in a similar state. This will just be less while our blood mixes to heal a bunch of vampire bites. No biggie. We can do this."

Jacob laughed. "There she is. I missed the Bella that is so good with weird."

He took a step closer and reached up to touch her cheek. She didn't flinch. "Is this okay?"

"Yes, I trust you." She covered his hand with hers. "These hands will never hurt me."

"No, they won't. I won't. I promise."

Bella moved their hands down in front of them. She squeezed two times, "Okay, it's time, turn around."

Jacob held his breath while he listened to rustling fabric. She removed her hoodie followed by her shirt. When the zipper went down on her jeans, he cleared his throat. She wasn't undressing for his benefit, it was all for this ceremonial bleeding thing. Jacob pictured Old Quil lighting candles and chanting Quileute instead of Bells climbing under the covers in her underwear. That worked. He wasn't the least bit aroused. He slipped his shirt off his body and tossed it on top of her stuff.

"Wait. I'll shut my eyes."

He chuckled. "You do that, honey."

"It's not funny."

"I know. This is for your health. I'm trying to be serious."

"Hurry up, they'll be back soon. Quil isn't coming in here, is he?"

"No. I won't let him."

"He better not talk about it either. Warn him."

"Yes, ma'am. My pants are off." Bella opened her eyes.

"Jacob!" She covered her face up with her hands.

"I said they were off not that I was in the bed. Jeez, couldn't you tell?"

He pulled back the covers too far and saw some of her lower half. He wasn't sure why she called them boy shorts. They were panties, and she didn't look like a boy at all wearing them.

Bella made sure they were covered up completely before he called Sue. "Didn't you give me morphine shots in the ass? It's nothing you haven't seen."

"Yes, but I erased that memory from my mind. You were unconscious not looking at me seeing you."

He laughed again, "Whatever you say, Bells."

"Knock, knock, we are ready to begin the ritual."

"You okay? Do you feel light-headed?"

"No, for the last time. I feel fine. The only thing making me dizzy is how much you keep asking if I'm alright. I didn't even feel it. The anticipation was worse than anything. I told you the scars are like dead spots."

"Come to think of it, no, you never told me that."

"Oh, well. They do. Can we stop talking about them?"

"Sure, sure, Bells. One more thing. How are you standing this goddamn heat?"

The final thing Old Quil did before leaving them was kick on a space heater in the corner. He insisted sweating was the most important part next to the bleeding and the touching. Jacob couldn't forget the touching. They had to experiment with the position to make it comfortable. The only thing that felt natural was him spooning Bells with his sliced hand draped over her chest. They were literally tied like this. He did his best not to press against her too much. Every inch of their bodies was slick with sweat.

They both twisted a little and Jacob decided he had to prop himself up on his other arm to take some of the weight off her. That meant he would have to look at her unless he closed his eyes. They were practically melting in that room as their blood mingled. It was weird and uncomfortable but she looked amazing. He wanted to tell her she was beautiful but figured it wasn't the best time and she knew how he felt. Feeling was currently his biggest issue because he didn't want to scare her. There were far too many pheromones circulating, and he was hyper-aware of every breath she took and ever beat of her heart.

"You look troubled, Jake, almost worse than me."

"No. Well, maybe because I'm worried about you. I hate you have to go through this so many times and again, this fucking heat is ridiculous."

"At least I'm with you." She giggled. "Now you know what it's like to be surrounded by unnatural heat. I don't think it's a bad thing, but seriously, how are you? You keep asking about me, but this bothers you. I saw the tremor. Don't deny it. Your wolf is restless."

"He's fine." She frowned because she didn't believe that. "Okay, truth. He smelled him. Just for a split second when Sue opened you up and I wasn't expecting it. It's like… fuck, I don't want to make you feel worse, but I'm pissed he left a part of himself in you. I can't stand it, but that's nothing compared to your memories. I'm so sorry for what you went through, and I still struggle with my anger, but it isn't about me. This is your journey."

Bella closed her eyes instead of responding. Maybe sleep was what she needed. That didn't last long. Bella opened them back up and their eyes met. Her fingers glided over his chin and up the side of his cheek. "It's helpful to hear your thoughts even when they're painful and don't forget, I invited you along for this trip through hell and back. For some strange reason, you accepted."

They only agreed to try a little more physical touch the night before. Jacob already thought he pushed the limit earlier. He wasn't going to say or do another thing, but she moved first and he was drawn into her orbit. The invisible string reeled him in until they shared the same breath. Her forehead pressed against his or maybe it was the other way around. He didn't know for sure. He had never wanted to kiss her so badly, but he wouldn't do it. She would have to kiss him first to know if she was ready. Their only two kisses were under duress, first his about losing her forever and then hers about losing him to the newborn army. There was no rush or urgency this time. They were in this for the long haul. Be patient. He took a breath with her. Bella licked her lips. That could a cue or maybe they were dry in that suffocating room. He needed to stop thinking about her mouth and how much he loved her.

Jacob tried to stay still, but he craved the slightest contact. His free hand rose slowly so she wouldn't be surprised. It grazed her neck and then her cheek because she agreed that was fine earlier, but her damp hair partially blocked her face so he moved it. Jacob didn't let go. Instead, he savored this new level of intimacy. He maintained full control, determined not to push. He only wanted to see her, to memorize the moment. She hadn't pushed him away once all day, and everything had been slow and tender up until that point.

The sudden shout pulled Jacob from his romantic trance, "Let go, stop it. Get off!" He dropped her hair and pulled away. Bella had been gazing lovingly at him one second, but in the next breath, she lost it. Her fingers tore at the bandages. Panic overtook her. There was more screaming. His words did nothing to calm her down. Sue, Old Quil and Quil responded to the terror. Their tranquil connection was replaced by complete chaos. Jacob sent Quil away thinking that would help. It didn't. Sue offered to give her a sedative, but she refused. They'd been doing so well and this was a major setback. The only thing that got through to her was Jacob calling attention to her neck. He expected to see oozing blood or the cut, but it wasn't the case. There was dried blood streaked across her skin and the bandages, but Bella wasn't bleeding. She wasn't cut and she wasn't scarred, at least not there. It worked. He healed her or some of the crazy shit Old Quil did affected it. He couldn't say for sure, and if he hadn't crossed the line with her, there would be a great celebration.

Bells stopped screaming and started sobbing uncontrollably.

"It's okay, honey. This is great news. How do you feel?"

Sue tried to assess her, but Bella pushed her away same as she'd done to him, "I'm fine, but please, everyone leave me alone. Is there a bathroom where I can shower? I feel gross."

Jacob imagined she wanted to wash him away more than the blood and sweat. Old Quil told her she was welcome to use their only bathroom. He made Quil clean up a few minutes ago for that very reason. Jacob wanted a second to be alone with her, but she meant him too. He pleaded with his eyes, but she shook her head and looked away. She couldn't even stand to see him. He scooped up his clothes and headed outside. It was freezing but he would use Quil's outside spray hose. He needed a cold shower more than ever. What had he done? Whatever it was, he didn't mean to upset her. Dammit, they hadn't had a setback in a long while. That's what this was, but he tried to convince himself it was minor. She remembered something or the closeness was too much. She could have been feeling the effects of the procedure or a combination of things. Jacob held back. He was not making a move. He didn't even know how to be a gentleman anymore, what was too much or just enough.

"Hey, man. That was a bit wild, huh?"

Quil came around the corner. He was the last person Jacob wanted to see. He loved the guy like a brother, but he wasn't going to be able to handle his constant running at the mouth.

"Do you mind? I am trying to clean up in private." Jacob turned off the water and shook off like a dog. He hadn't grabbed a towel. His shirt wasn't hard to slip on, but his jeans stuck against his wet legs. Quil hadn't listened. He was still standing there.

"Umm…"

"What? I told you to get lost and don't mention one bit of this to anyone. Bella needs her privacy."

"Yeah, no prob, but one question. Bella doesn't still do stuff, does she?"

"Do what stuff?"

"You know, like want to hurt herself."

"No." Jacob said it but wasn't completely convinced. "Why, what's going on? Did she say something? Who's with her?"

"She didn't run the shower long, but she's still in the bathroom and I heard a noise. I think it's…"

That's all Jacob let him say. He ran past him and through the front door. He didn't think to knock or call her by name. He heard the sound as well. Jacob pulled the door down from the hinges with one firm yank.

"Oh, shit. I thought I heard my clippers, but that didn't make sense."

Jacob shoved Quil back, so he wouldn't follow him inside. Bella was wrapped in a towel sitting on the toilet seat shaving her damn head while she stared at a wall. She stopped when she saw what he'd done to the door. He took another step and slowly pried the clippers from her hand. She hadn't finished. Her head was a mess; clumps of long hair were scattered everywhere.

"Bells, why?"

She looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, "H… he… he wound his fingers in my hair when he hurt me. I thought he was going to pull it out by the roots it hurt so bad."

Jacob's head fell forward. She trusted him, but he'd unintentionally reminded her of Edward. He was an idiot, so full of himself and false hope that she was almost completely healed. Jacob wasn't sure that was ever possible now.

Bella covered his fist, "I heard humans replace all their skin cells every 27 days. That means the skin I'm in hasn't been touched by him not counting the scars." She stood up and walked in front of the sink to touch her freshly healed skin. "This worked. It's a miracle and I never believed in them. I do now. I don't want your hands anywhere his hands have been, so I had to do it. Do you understand?"

He didn't, but he nodded. Jacob stood behind her. She started crying again, "Sorry, I'll look hideous while it grows back. I'd rather be ugly than keep thinking about him."

"No, it's impossible for you to look ugly. You're beautiful inside and out. Hold still and let me even it all out." Bella held onto the vanity while Jacob finished buzzing her head. When he was done he realized her eyes were closed. "Open your eyes, honey."

She held her lip between her teeth. She wasn't the least bit hideous. Jacob only saw her, his Bells; he didn't car about the hair.

He suggested she get back in the shower to rinse off again or she was going to start itching. Bella pointed to the nonexistent door. He promised to hold it up for her privacy, but wasn't about to leave her alone again. Once he heard the water going, he came back inside the tiny bathroom with the door propped up as best as he could get it. He needed to call Paul to bring them a new one.

"I'm in here, Bells, just in case you need me. I'll step out when you shut off the water."

Jacob attempted to scoop up the hair that was everywhere so he could throw it away in the trashcan. He loved her hair, but this was what she had to do. He accepted it. Jacob stared at the clippers still lying beside the sink. There wasn't a conscious decision, one second, he was looking at them and the next they were in his hands. She turned off the water before he finished.

Bella stuck her head out the backside of the curtain, "Oh my God, Jacob, you idiot." He was going to leave like he promised, but she stopped him. "I have another towel. Wait."

He waited for her. Bella looked upset but made a joke. "I guess I'm a bad influence. Go on, sit down, so I can reach. You're making a bigger mess than I did. You didn't need to do this, you know."

"Yeah, I did. Remember what you said? You invited me on your journey, so I'm just following your lead."

~Thanks for reading.

I have been planning this chapter a long time. It replayed in my mind so many times before I got it written for real. It changed and evolved, but I'm happy with it. Trying to be realistic in this piece of fic. Sometimes, readers might feel one of these characters is wallowing in self pity or the other one is being pushy. That's the point. They're so young and this topic is heavy. Mistakes will be made and setbacks occur. Also, I heart angst. LOL! Hit me up with your reactions. By the way, Kristen and Taylor have both buzzed their heads IRL and looked sexy. ;) I had to do it.