SUNSHINE POV

It had been three days since Benny had returned back home, he called to tell me that he was safe and I even got to speak to the boys for a few minutes before I had to hang up the phone. Phone bills were a concern of ours, I knew that if it went too high then I was going to be in serious trouble, and I never saw Clara use the phone so she knew it would have been me.

I was in my room, sitting at my desk and attempting to restring and tighten up my baseball glove when Clara knocked on my door.

"You knocked?" I asked as the door opened, she didn't enter but the door was fully opened.

"My family is coming over for dinner tonight."

"Is that all you wanted to tell me?" Clara wasn't a cook, so I wondered what on earth would be served, or if she was just going to be offering up take out and playing it off as what she had made.

"You're joining us."

"I politely decline."

I could visibly see her cussing me out in her head. "It's not a suggestion or a request Toni."

"Why do you even want me there?" I asked placing my glove down. "What good can possibly come from me sitting down with your family?"

"Well believe it or not my parents want to get to know their granddaughter."

"Don't you have to be my mom, in order for me to be their granddaughter."

"You are my daughter."

"By law, and by marriage. But I don't consider that a parent, I don't even consider my dad a real father, so again. I politely decline." Her hand darted out grasping my baseball glove and throwing it to the ground. "Oh that was mature."

"Can you for once in your life not be difficult?!"

"I'm trying to just ignore you and tolerate living together until I'm eighteen. You said yourself I'm outta here the second my birthday comes so why are you so keen me having a relationship with your parents?"

She had enough, her hand clasped the door handle and pulled it behind her as she exited. "You'll be down at the dinner table at 6 o'clock."

The door slammed behind her.

I rolled my eyes and picked up my ball glove off the floor. Dinner wasn't the worst thing in the world, her family was nice enough, I just didn't want to have to sit there and pretend that everything was okay because it wasn't.

I was sick and tired of people thinking that Clara and I didn't get along because I'm a moody teenager that resents her for not being my real mother.

I wanted out of this place and this town, it wasn't like I was twelve anymore and making friends came easily, I was seventeen and I couldn't just walk onto a ball diamond and show up a bunch of boys and have them respect me. Everyone here seemed to have their friends, and weren't in the market for any new ones, a friend might make it a little harder to leave here but it would also make it a little easier.

I had Kenny, but he was playing baseball everyday until school started and it was a little hard to make plans with him when all I really wanted to do was play ball with someone.

Six O'clock came too quickly, and I was stuck sitting at the table across from my grandma and next to my grandfather.

"It smells great." My grandma, who I had taken to calling Elena, said. "I didn't know you could cook." She didn't, just was boiling a bunch of water to give the illusion, I would know, I had to

reduce the heat because the steam set off the fire alarm, and saw her refill the pots twice. Clara only smiled at her mother placing a another pan of food on the table.

"So Toni, tell us more about yourself, we want to know everything." My Grandpa George said.

"Everything?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, start by telling us when you start college."

I looked towards Clara, who stared right back, urging me to lie. "I'm not going to school."

"I thought you got accepted."

"Accepted doesn't mean I'm going." I couldn't help the rude tone to my voice, I did feel kinda bad but it felt as if, if I accepted them as my family then I was accepting Clara. And it wasn't as

if they just wanted to get to know me and be their friend. they wanted me to be their granddaughter and be apart of their family, it was the last thing I wanted.

Elena looked at her husband then back to me."Well, you're going to college though right?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Toni, you have to go to college."

"Why?" They were taken aback by my boldness, as if what I was saying was the most absurd thing they had ever heard.

"Toni you can't get a good job without a college degree."

I rolled my eyes at that, it was clear that they were a white and privileged family, hell I was white and privileged just had a shitty ass dad and Clara. Even though the world had changed and it wasn't the 1900's anymore, there was still racism and social class. No one even batted an eye when Benny mentioned he wasn't going to go to college, he was going to have a great job working with his Dad. The double standard was evident when you looked at me and you looked at Smalls. Both white, both privileged and both with the money to go to school. People lost their minds when Smalls said he wasn't too happy about University, but Smalls was brilliant, I was as dumb as a post, I was only average, where as Smalls is expected to go to school because he can actually make something of himself because he's a "smart kid" I was just expected to go to college.

"You can get a good job without a college degree. I know plenty of people with great livings without going to college." My anger was rising as the conversation went on but Clara quickly stopped me before I went off on her parents.

"Maybe a subject change would be best. We're still discussing her enrolment." Clara lied so easily to her own parents it disgusted me.

We ate in silence for what felt like hours but it was only about eleven minutes, enough time for my Uncle James to refill his plate.

"So." George started. "I'm so sorry to hear about what happened." When the table was silent I looked up from my plate to see that his comment was directed towards me.

"What?"

"That, that boy you moved to get away from came into the home and just- ugh when I even think about it I get upset." I turned my head to look at Clara who was continuing to eat, though there was an obvious drain of colour from her face. Obviously George had said something that he wasn't supposed to.

"Excuse me?"

"To think you had to call the police to get that boy to leave you alone! No humanity in the youth today I tell you, he puts you through that kind of mental torture and-"

"Dad!" James snapped cutting him off. "I don't think this is a subject for the dinner table. It's none of our business anyways."

"Of course its our business! That Mexican. . . hispanic. . . whatever he is-"

"Dad!" James yelled again, this time George looked offended.

I placed my fork down as gently as I could, and turned in my seat to face him. "Benny. His name is Benny. And for your information, Grandpa, what he is, is Mexican, Latino and American,

Not that your ignorant mind would be able to see that he was born in America and is every bit as American as you are. Also he doesn't just happen to be his race, he's also an extremely talented baseball player, an amazing friend, a kind hearted gentleman, a little bit of a dork, and an incredible boyfriend."

"Toni I didn't-"

"And if you really want to get to know me then here it is. My mom, my BIRTH mother died on a street after being shot, my dad remarried to this witch, you happen to call your daughter. She's manipulative and abusive she has verbally abused me, and hit me on multiple occasions. Because of that when we moved to the valley I made friends with nine boys on a baseball diamond, by the end of the summer I was dating Benny and we're still together. I spent years lying, hiding and pretending that I wasn't playing baseball everyday. The cops were called multiple times because of the yelling that came from the house. My dad was negligent and never even noticed what was going on with me, he barely even spoke to me for years, and then once everything came to light, t was publicly proven how much he doesn't care when he didn't show up for my high school graduation. A few weeks later we find out that he disappeared for reasons unknown and then Clara moved me out here away from my home, my friends, and my boyfriend." There was a silence in the room and my voice echoed through the house, I was so sure that the neighbours could hear. "That's what you need to know about me, not what my favourite colour is, or why I don't want to go to college, or what I do on the weekends for fun. I am not apart of this goddamned family, my ball team and Benny are my family, I don't need you ignorant, small, and racist assholes! So do what I have been asking for since this she entered my life, stay the heck out of it, and leave me the hell alone!"

It was childish, I knew that, but it didn't stop me from pushing back my chair and storming out the front door with my name being called after me.

BENNY POV

I don't know what would have been worse, telling the guys or not telling the guys. It was bursting inside me to tell someone, and I did, I just kinda wish I hadn't now.

"No offence Benny, but we kinda all thought you already were having sex." Squints admitted as we walked down the street. Another practice had been cut short out of frustration for no one being able to pitch fast or hard enough, or not having any other pitches than a fast and a change up. Half of us couldn't even get it in the strike zone. Lob ball and soft toss had become out number one outlet for batting practice.

"Yeah yeah, you guys have been together forever!"

"But I never told you guys about it."

Ham shrugged. "Yeah but you know, its Toni. . . .ew." That wasn't the reaction I had gotten when I had told them at the sandlot, in excitement they all tackled me to the ground and started yelling at the tops of their lungs "Benny the non-virgin Rodriguez." and now they were taking me out to dinner to celebrate.

"I miss her." Smalls said quietly from behind us.

Grover gave him a sympathetic look, Bertram always considered Toni his best friend on the team, I mean we were all best friends its just he really felt a connection with her over the years.

"We all do Smalls. Casanova here was supposed to bring her back!"

Ignoring them, and the trying to forget the long lecture I had gotten from the boys when she wasn't with me this morning at the Sandlot.

We sat down in the diner, Squints ordered for me, a deluxe meat pizza with extra sausage. . . he has a way too dirty mind.

Ham didn't even look up from his menu as he spoke. "I still can't believe she called the police on you. Crazy old bat."

"I don't even think she's forty Ham." Timmy told him but he only shrugged.

"Old is old."

We ate, the typical conversations coming to surface, and we talked like best friends would, but there was the missing commentary of our best friend Sunshine Spena.

Everything was off without her, practices, conversations, meals, everything.

Walking home definitely didn't feel the same, it was just me and Smalls having our detailed conversations about the day.

"Are you okay?" Smalls asked as I stared at Toni's empty house.

"yeah why?"

"You haven't really been . . . On your game." I wasn't too sure what he was talking about, and he seemed extremely reluctant to elaborate.

"What are you talking about?" I prompted.

He looked around trying to delay what he was going to say and I wished he would just spit it out. "You haven't-" He took a deep breath. "You haven't hit the ball over the fence since you got

back Benny."

I raised an eyebrow. "We don't have a decent pitcher."

"Benny it's lob toss."

"The harder the baseball comes at you the harder and farther it's going to travel."

Smalls rolled his eyes at me. "Okay, how about Timmy Yeah yeah tagging you out today, Benny? You NEVER get out."

"Everyone gets out Smalls." I snapped, I wasn't sure what point he was trying to make but it was pissing me off, everyone has bad days at the diamond and just because I hadn't hit the ball over the fence didn't mean anything.

"It's not just that Benny. You over ran fly balls, bobbled grounders, threw to the wrong base-"

"Smalls! What. Is. Your. Point?" I demanded.

Again he sighed running a hand through his thin blonde hair. "Somethings going on with you Benny."

"I missed a couple days of practice-"

"Oh shut up with your excuse, you don't forget how to play in a few days Benny. Now you told me when you came back that you were okay with Sunshine staying there, now I believed me when you told me and anyone else would with the way you carry yourself. However, I have seen you on the diamond Benny and you are not yourself."

I threw my hands up in the air in frustration, he was being ridiculous, I was fine, Sunshine was gonna come back, we had had sex and we were stronger together than ever, and him saying that

I lost my game was pissing me off. "The point Smalls, get to the point!"

"You're not the same when she's gone. You're a lot more upset with the situation then you're admitting and its proving in your game. You gotta sit down and talk about it with us Benny and I don't mean mentioning that you miss her when we bring it up I mean actually talk about it."

"We've talked about it Smalls."

"It's brought up every two minutes and the most you say about it is agreeing when we say we miss her and saying 'she'll come back'"

I stared at my best friend in anger. "Sunshine, being gone has nothing to do with my game, because my game is fine." Sensing my anger Smalls held up his hands in defence.

"Alright, if you say so Benny." he was being condescending and for a second I missed the awkward and shy little dork he used to be and hated how much more confident he had became.

I shook my head, completely fed up with the conversation. "I'll see you tomorrow." He waved and we went our separate ways as I crossed the street to my house.

Toni didn't have anything to do with how well I played baseball, I was good before I met her and I was good afterwards. I was upset she was gone and she definitely had an impact on practices but my performance had nothing to do with her being gone.

Sunshine had a lot of impacts on my life, but she did not have an impact on my baseball abilities.