The Goblet of Fire section begins! A massive thank you to everyone who reviewed after the last update, your responses were so lovely to read :)
Without further ado, here is the first chapter in Lena's post-Hogwarts life; hope you enjoy!
Ginny's body lay in front of the statue of Salazar Slytherin. Lena ran across the Chamber of Secrets and knelt beside the girl. Desperately, she felt for a pulse, but there wasn't one to be found.
"You're too late. She's already gone."
Lena looked behind her. Riddle was standing there, watching her. He appeared solid, fully-formed.
Her throat starting to constrict, Lena wildly shook her head. "No," she said frantically, "that's not right. Harry and I save her. You don't win. You're destroyed."
Riddle laughed coldly. "Yet here I am." He held his hand out to her.
Slowly, Lena reached out and touched it. Flesh, bone and blood – it was all there. She attempted to draw her hand back, but Riddle snatched it and hoisted her to her feet, pulling her closer to him.
"I'm back," he whispered, his red eyes boring into hers. "Like you've always wanted."
Lena's mouth had become very dry, but she managed to croak, "I didn't want you."
Instead of looking offended or disbelieving, Riddle tilted his head to the side, smiling. "No," he agreed, and suddenly the sixteen-year-old morphed into his older self. "You wanted me."
For a moment, Lena couldn't speak. She couldn't move. All she could do was stare at his face, that inhuman but once-comforting face. She had so longed to see it again. Longed, yet also grown to dread it.
Steeling herself, Lena found her voice again. "I did want you. But not anymore."
Voldemort's expression changed to angry in an instant. Dropping her hand, he hissed, "Is that so?"
Lena felt a pang in her chest, but pushed it away. His pride and affection towards her had once meant everything, but it was different now. She had other people who cared about her, loved her. Valeriya, Maggie, Rolf, Harry and, of course, Remus. Her Remus.
She nodded, not breaking Voldemort's gaze. "I don't need you now."
Voldemort continued to stare at her, his eyes venomous. Then, quite suddenly, he smiled. "Well," he said softly, "if that's what you think..." He pointed behind her, and Lena quickly turned around.
And she was a child once more, no older than five. Ginny and the statue of Slytherin had disappeared, replaced by the entrance hall of the Lestrange house. And someone was coming down the hallway.
Lena's eyes darted around the room, searching for Voldemort, but he had gone. Panic took a hold of her.
Her mother walked into the entrance hall, her wand pointed at her daughter. Lena's hands scrambled for her own, but she didn't have it. Hurriedly walking backwards, away from Bellatrix, Lena raised her hands, attempting to use wandless magic to repel the woman, but it didn't work. She was defenceless. Reaching the front door, she turned around and tried to open it, but it was locked.
"Crucio."
Pain overwhelmed Lena. She fell to the ground, screaming and writhing. She felt as though her insides were being twisted and pulled apart, that she was being burned alive. But it wasn't quite enough to drown out the sound of her mother's laughter.
And nobody was coming to help. Not her friends, not Dumbledore.
'Remus,' she thought desperately. 'Remus, where are you?'
But he didn't come. Why would he? He didn't know her. He was barely even aware of her existence. There was only one person in the world who cared enough about Lena to stop Bellatrix from doing this to her.
"Voldemort!" screamed Lena. "Voldemort, please!"
A second later, the pain was gone, and Lena was back in the Chamber, whimpering and trembling on the ground. Then a gentle hand stroked her back.
"Shh, it's all right," murmured Voldemort. "She's gone now."
Still shivering, Lena sat herself upright, noticing that she was once again her adult self. Voldemort was sitting next to her, reassuringly rubbing her shoulder, and watching her concernedly.
"Voldemort," she said quietly.
He smiled at her. "I'm here."
Lena found herself throwing her arms around his neck, and hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice shaking. "I'm sorry I said I didn't need you."
Returning the embrace, he replied, "And I'm sorry that I had to make you remember. I never wanted to cause you pain. But you needed to remember." He started to twist a lock of her hair around his finger. "Because we need each other."
Lena cupped his cheek with her hand, gazing at him. Opening her mouth to agree with him, she was stopped by the sound of someone approaching from behind her. She turned around, and upon seeing who it was, froze.
Harry was standing there. In one hand, he was holding a basilisk fang. The other was clamped over his chest, but it was doing little to stop the blood pouring out of the wound there.
"Harry!" cried Lena, staggering to her feet. But when she tried to go to him, Voldemort grabbed her by the waist, holding her back.
"Lena," croaked Harry, dropping the fang and falling to his knees. "Lena, help me."
She tried to wrench Voldemort's hands off her, but he would not release her.
"Let me go," she begged Voldemort. "Harry needs me–"
Voldemort yanked her back so she was pressed up against him. "He needs to die," he whispered harshly in her ear. "He must."
Struggling to break free, she told Voldemort, "No, I can't let that happen, I can't!"
He spun her around, and gripped the sides of her face. "Then," he said, "you have to make a choice."
Lena tried to shake her head, but Voldemort's hold on her face prevented her from doing so. "It doesn't have to be like that," she tried to tell him.
But Voldemort snapped, "Potter, or me. You can't have both. So choose."
The boy she cared for as a brother, or the man she loved as a father. "I can't," whispered Lena, an excruciating pain building inside of her.
And suddenly, black veins were running down her arms and over her hands. A noise like a heartbeat began to pound in her head. A black matter, halfway between liquid and gas, began to escape her hands, and enveloped Voldemort, who finally relinquished his grip on her.
Then the black matter flew back inside her, revealing Voldemort lying dead on the ground. Just like Irina.
"No," gasped Lena, staggering backwards. She ran into something on the ground, almost tripping over it. She looked down.
It was Harry. Dead. Not from the Basilisk fang wound but, like Voldemort, from the black matter.
From the Orb. It had killed both of them.
She had killed them.
Tuesday 12 July, 1994:
Lena's eyes flew open as she took in a sharp breath. She jolted upright, her body drenched in sweat. Her chest and stomach hurt, and for a moment she thought she might vomit.
There was a rustling sound beside her, startling Lena. The room was nearly pitch black, but just as she was about to make some light to see, she realised what the source of the noise was.
Remus. Turning in his sleep.
Letting out a long, slow breath, the nauseous feeling passed, and Lena shifted so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. Conjuring the tiniest of flames – and making sure her body blocked its light from shining on Remus – she used it to momentarily illuminate the clock on the bedside table.
3:07am. Lena sighed, snuffing out the flame. She had only fallen asleep less than three hours ago, but she knew she would be getting no more rest.
Being careful not to wake Remus, she searched the bedroom for some underwear and a lightweight jumper. Putting them on, she exited the room and made her way down the second-floor corridor of the East Wing of the Lestrange house.
Remus had moved in the previous day. They had decided the day after the last full moon that there wasn't any point in Remus staying in the shack when Lena had a huge house all to herself – and making love to each other was much easier when you lived under the same roof. And after their first time together, Lena had decided she would like the experience to be as frequent as possible. But this had been their first night actually sleeping together in the same bed. And Lena couldn't help but wonder if that had something to do with the nightmare.
She came to an abrupt stop. She hadn't really been paying attention to where she was going, but now she was standing outside her childhood bedroom. Taking a deep breath in, she opened the door and made a gesture at the ceiling which lit the lamp that hung from it.
As the room became illuminated, Lena leant against the doorframe, her hand subconsciously tracing the black mark on her chest.
Voldemort and Hecate's Orb. Both had haunted her dreams for so many years, but she couldn't recall an occasion before when they'd appeared together. Not even after she'd seen both of them in the Mirror of Erised.
After Lena had started taking Moramortis, she had tried to convince herself that the Orb would no longer play a part in her life. And telling Remus that she wouldn't allow anything to come between them had also been a way of trying to reassure herself that even if she couldn't completely let go of her feelings for Voldemort, she would – like Dumbledore had with Grindelwald – not put that lingering affection above her desire to do the right thing. But it seemed that her subconscious remained unconvinced.
Lena slowly walked around the bedroom. She and Remus hadn't even discussed the option of them using it as their shared bedroom. Her childhood lessons with Voldemort cast too great a shadow. Instead, they had selected a guest bedroom on the other side of the house.
She sighed. Sex with Remus was one thing. Sleeping next to him, however, was another. Being asleep was being at her most vulnerable – her Occlumency shielding her from anything on the outside, but trapping her inside her mind with her worst fears. And because her mind was so organised, her memories so vivid and accurate, nightmares felt so much more real. It also meant she could recall them very clearly after she woke up.
'You need to find a distraction,' Lena told herself. 'Do something else that requires all your focus.' She glanced around the bedroom. 'And you're not going to find it in here.'
Nodding to herself, Lena went back over to the doorway. She took one last look around the room, then waved a hand, and it was thrust into darkness once more.
The room was still quite dark when Remus stirred. Opening his eyes just a crack, he reached out for Lena. When he found her side of the bed empty, they opened further as he frowned. His hand scrabbled around his bedside table for his wand. Finding it, he muttered, "Lumos." Grabbing his wristwatch off the table too, he checked the time. It was only half-past-six.
"Nox," mumbled Remus, putting the wand and watch back on the table and sitting up. He felt slightly disappointed. He knew Lena liked to get up early, but he had still hoped that after their first entire night together, he would get to wake up beside her.
Filled with the urge to see her, he got up and put on pyjama pants and a t-shirt. Leaving the bedroom, he decided to go down to the kitchen in the hope that she would be eating breakfast there. But when he got to the kitchen, it was empty.
It took nearly another twenty minutes to find her. She was in the first-floor study, sitting cross-legged on the ground, various components of what Remus guessed to be a radio spread out in front of her. Mortimer the bowtruckle –whom Remus had only been introduced to for the first time yesterday – was perched on her shoulder, engrossed in whatever Lena was trying to do.
"There you are," said Remus, and Lena glanced back over her shoulder at him. "I've been searching the entire house for you."
"Sorry," said Lena, turning her attention back to the radio. "I didn't think you'd be up for another – what's the time now?"
"Ten-to-seven," replied Remus. He sat behind her, spreading his legs out so she was between them. Not enjoying the close proximity, Mortimer scurried down Lena's arm and hopped onto the floor. "How long have you been up?"
"Erm, three, nearly four hours," answered Lena distractedly, screwing something together.
"What?" Remus raised his eyebrows. "Why?"
"I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep," she said simply.
Remus frowned. She was acting unusually distant, compared to the last few days. Gently placing his hands on her shoulders, he was surprised when she tensed.
"Lena, is something wrong?" he asked, removing his hands.
She shook her head. "No, I'm just trying to concentrate, that's all."
Remus shuffled to the side, so he could see her face properly. "What are you working on?" he said, watching her closely.
She didn't look up at him as she responded, "It's the radio from my car. I've been trying to make some alterations so it can pick up the WWN as well as Muggle airwaves." She picked up her wand. "But it's not quite as simple as I thought it might be."
He watched her put Charms on various components. After a short while, he asked, "And was there a particular reason you had to do it this morning?"
Lena shook her head, still not looking at him. "I just wanted something to do. And now I've started this, I'd like to finish it."
"So you're not intending to do anything else until you've completed this?"
"No."
"Not even give me a 'good morning' kiss?"
Finally, Lena tore her eyes away from the half-finished radio. She stared at him for a few seconds, her expression unreadable. Then she said, "I'm not sure I'm familiar with the concept." She cocked her head. "Perhaps you could introduce me to it."
Remus grinned. There was the coy, flirtatious Lena he'd gotten used to over the last few days. "Well, first you come over here..." He reached over and hooked his hands under her knees. Then he pulled her towards him, and up onto his lap. "Then," he continued, wrapping his arms around her, "you bring your lips," he started to close the distance between their mouths, "to mine..."
His lips found hers, softly caressing them. But just as he was opening his mouth to deepen the kiss, Lena drew her head back.
"Thank you for the demonstration," she said, smirking as she got off his lap. "Now I know for tomorrow mor– mmphh!"
She was cut off by Remus launching forward and capturing her lips again, this time with increased fervour. As he slid his tongue into her mouth, he leant forward more, gently pushing Lena down until she was lying on her back, and he was astride her.
Momentarily pausing the kiss, he whispered to her, "You know, I was rather hoping I would wake up next to you in bed so we could be doing this on a more comfortable surface."
Smiling as she threaded her hands through his hair, Lena breathed, "Well, I shall endeavour not to disappoint you tomorrow morning."
But she did. And the two mornings following that one. When Remus asked Lena why she felt so compelled to leave their bed the moment she woke up, she just gave him a vague response about liking to start her day with activity, not just lounging around. And as her insomnia became increasingly apparent to him, and he suggested that she see a Healer about it, she shut him down and barely spoke to him for the rest of the morning.
Living with Lena, Remus was starting to discover, was a whole other issue to loving her, and possibly even more complicated. She completely rejected the idea of set mealtimes, had no compunctions about leaving the house in the early hours of the morning without leaving a note to say where she'd gone, and could spend several hours working intently on some project that required no urgent attention and become irritated by the slightest interruption – even if that interruption was Remus begging Lena to please come eat some breakfast before the morning had become afternoon.
On the fifth morning of waking up to find Lena absent from their bed, Remus wasn't at all surprised. He decided to make his way straight to the kitchen rather than trying to find Lena first. He was surprised, however, when he heard voices coming from the kitchen. Glad he'd gotten properly dressed rather than just putting on pyjamas, he hesitantly entered the kitchen to find Lena talking to a much shorter woman. She had cork-screw curly hair, and looked as though she couldn't have been much more than fifty.
"Remus," greeted Lena, walking over to him and pecking him on the cheek. "I'm so glad you're awake." She gestured to the other woman, who was looking at Remus with a decidedly unfriendly expression. "This is Valeriya Dolohov, my aunt."
Remus swallowed, a nervous feeling instantaneously filling him. He had heard a great deal about Valeriya from Lena, and not all of it was stuff that he would consider positive. On the other hand, he knew there were very few people Lena respected more.
Fixing a smile on his face, he walked up to Valeriya and extended his hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you," he told her. "Lena said she wasn't expecting you back from Hungary for another few days."
"I closed the deal sooner than expected," said Valeriya, shaking his hand once before dropping it as though it was something distasteful. "I got back just after midnight. Obviously, I wanted to see my niece at the earliest convenient time." She unashamedly looked him up and down. "And you." She frowned. "You're not what I expected. From my experience, the people that Lena tends to get gooey-eyed over are–"
"Valeriya," snapped Lena. "Can you not?"
Her aunt crossed her arms with a "Hmmph", but said nothing else, continuing to glare at Remus.
Remus did his best to hold in a sigh. He had thought the woman who had raised Lena would be more tolerant, but apparently she wasn't a fan of werewolves. Deciding it would be best if he left the kitchen, he began to say, "Well, I'll just let you finish your conversation and come back in–"
"Actually," Valeriya cut him off, "it's you I need to talk to."
"Me?" Remus looked to Lena, but she was watching him with a neutral expression, so he shifted his gaze back to Valeriya. "For any particular reason?"
"Yes," replied Valeriya shortly. She turned to Lena. "Now, why don't you go get the milk you said you needed to buy while Remus and I have a chat."
To Remus' dismay, Lena shrugged and simply said, "All right."
"But–"
"I'll be back soon," Lena assured him, patting him on the shoulder and quickly kissing him. "You'll be fine."
Remus watched Lena go with a rising sense of panic. What if things got heated? What was he supposed to do?
"Sit." Valeriya was already sitting on one stool, and was gesturing for Remus to sit on the other.
Remus took a deep breath. 'Lena loves you,' he reminded himself. 'You love her. And both of you will fight to the death to stop anyone from trying to part you from each other. Just make it clear to Valeriya that your relationship is nonnegotiable.'
He sat. "I can understand," he began calmly, "that you might have your misgivings about my relationship with Lena–"
"I do," said Valeriya bluntly.
Remus nodded patiently. "Look, I'm not naive. I know nobody wants their beloved relative to be with a werewolf. But I promise–"
"Why would I give a damn about that?"
Remus stared at her. "You're not concerned about my lycanthropy?" he asked after a short pause.
Valeriya snorted. "Of course not. What, you think I don't trust my niece to be sensible about full moons and such?"
"Well, no–"
"Or that I give a damn about how society views people with your condition?" she said scathingly. "You think I'm that shallow?"
"I–" Remus rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Of course not."
"Yes you did," said Valeriya. "And now that I'm telling you it's not, you're starting to assume that it's because I think you're too old for her."
Remus blinked. The thought had crossed his mind immediately before she voiced it. "Well, if that's not your concern–"
"I don't care that you were once her teacher. I don't think that you're taking advantage of her for her money. I don't believe you have any intention of ever hurting her in any way."
"Then what," said Remus exasperatedly, "are your misgivings?"
Valeriya's expression became very serious. "The fact that she is in love with you."
It was a confusing complaint, to say the least. "I'm afraid I don't quite follow," said Remus.
Valeriya sighed, and appeared to suddenly age about ten years. "Lena is completely and utterly in love with you," she said, "and that doesn't just concern me – it terrifies me."
Remus was still lost. "Why?" He frowned. "Don't you want her to be happy?"
Valeriya studied him for a moment, before shaking her head. "You understand very little about Lena – you realise that, don't you?"
Remus bristled. "You think I don't understand the woman I love?"
"I'm sure you understand how certain aspects of her childhood have helped create the person she is today," said Valeriya – rather dismissively, Remus thought. "But I can't believe that after knowing her for such a short time that you fully comprehend the depths to which her neuroses extend."
"Lena's not neurotic," argued Remus, crossing his arms. "She's just... a little unstable."
"With respect, Remus," said Valeriya flatly, "you've known her for less than a year. I've known her since she was six. I watched her grow up."
A harsh bark of laughter escaped Remus. "Yeah," he said sarcastically, "and you were always such a wonderful influence on her."
Valeriya's eyes narrowed at him. "Excuse me?"
Recalling a story that Lena had told him, Remus said to her, "Are you going to tell that when you took Lena to a deal with a man you knew would betray you and forced her to watch him die, that was for the benefit of her mental health?"
"Yes."
This wiped the bitter smile off Remus' face. "What?"
Valeriya leant forward slightly. "I took Lena with me that day," she told him slowly, "because at that point, she still didn't understand the gravity of taking a life. In her eyes, there was nothing wrong with murder. Now," she touched her chest, "I am the first to admit that I am no paragon of virtue. But Lena, when I first met her, had virtually no understanding of morality. It took five years of me exposing her to the full extent of depravity of which humanity – Wizard and Muggle alike – was capable, and the consequences of that depravity for her to learn that inflicting cruelty for the indulgence of curiosity, not to mention for fun, was wrong. I had to teach her about wars, genocides, systematic inequality and abuse for her to finally start feeling empathy."
Remus' nails were digging into his palms so hard that they were starting to tear the skin, but he barely noticed. His stomach was unpleasantly twisting.
"She wasn't evil," continued Valeriya. "She wasn't bigoted. She was a very angry child who'd suffered terribly at the hands of her mother, and felt abandoned by the only person who had ever shown her any kindness for the first six years of her life."
"That kindness," said Remus resentfully, "allowed him to take advantage of a vulnerable child."
Valeriya raised an eyebrow. "You don't believe Voldemort genuinely cared for Lena?"
"Oh, I think he did. But where do you think that complete lack of morality as a child came from?" he asked pointedly.
There was a short silence as Valeriya regarded him with an odd look. "Remus," she said at last, "why do you think Voldemort started teaching Lena Occlumency in the first place?"
"What?" This threw Remus. "I – because of her potential, I suppose."
"Potential for what?"
"To be a great witch," replied Remus, as if it were obvious.
But Valeriya shook her head. "Voldemort started instructing Lena in Occlumency," she explained, "because of her potential to become a full-blown psychopath, and he wanted to prevent that. He did it to keep her sane."
Remus felt as though someone had just dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over him. "W-what?" he stuttered.
Valeriya sighed. "When I told you that Lena was an angry child, that was an understatement. You see, a child instinctively understands that its parents are supposed to love it. As soon as Lena developed basic emotional literacy, she knew that her father didn't care about her, and that her mother outright hated her. Can you even begin to imagine what that did to her psyche?"
Remus recalled what Lena had told him when they spoke in his bedroom at Hogwarts last Christmas day.
"I asked him to teach me to kill her."
"What?"
"The night he first offered to give me lessons. I asked Voldemort if he could teach me how to hurt my mother back. He laughed, and said he could teach me to kill her."
"You were four years old."
"I was a very angry four-year-old."
"She wanted to kill Bellatrix," he muttered.
Valeriya nodded slowly. "And if she'd been given the opportunity, she would have done it," she said. Her expression became very serious. "Now, try imagining feeling that much anger, that much hatred, that much distress when you're only four years old, your brain so undeveloped. How long before that drives you to insanity?"
Remus chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully. "But how," he said, "is Occlumency supposed to stop that from happening?"
"It orders Lena's mind," explained Valeriya. "It compartmentalises things – memories, emotions, desires. It stops everything from merging together as one overwhelming sensation that can only be satisfied by giving in to her urge to cause destruction – violent, chaotic destruction."
"Have you ever seen her lose control?"
"Excuse me?"
"Have you ever witnessed Lestrange truly lose control of her temper? Because I have. And believe me, Lupin – hearing about it is not the same thing as seeing it with your own eyes."
Valeriya's voice brought Remus out of his recollection of his conversation with Snape. "If Voldemort hadn't started teaching Lena when he did," she was saying quietly, "she would be a monster beyond recognition. He cared too much about her to let that be her fate. The point is," she went on, more loudly, "that Occlumency is still the only protection Lena has from losing grip on her sanity. Are you starting to see why her love for you is concerning me?"
Remus ran a hand through his hair, his mind still mostly focused on the revelation about the origin of Lena's Occlumency lessons. "Not really, no," he said distractedly.
Valeriya rubbed her face in frustration. "Merlin have mercy on me," she muttered. Taking a deep breath, she told Remus, "Lena wrote to me after the two of you decided you were going to pursue a relationship together. She said that you knew all the bad things she's done, and that you still accepted and loved her. She told me you made her happier than anything else had in her life, and that she knew you were the one – the only one – she would ever love." Her voice suddenly became much colder. "So tell me, Remus – just what the fuck do you think is going to happen if you get yourself killed?"
Remus stared at her, stunned. "I'm sorry?"
"You and I both know Voldemort isn't dead," said Valeriya. "He's going to return, probably sooner rather than later. When that war comes, are you going to stay on the sidelines?"
"Voldemort killed two of my best friends," snapped Remus, "and ruined the life of another. And even if he hadn't, his ideologies are still despicable – it would be wrong not to fight him."
"Which brings me back to my original question," said Valeriya. "What do you think Lena will do if you die?"
Remus' throat became very dry. Lena had been willing to sacrifice her own life to punish the people who had hurt Maggie. If he died–
"I imagine," he replied quietly, "that she'd want revenge."
Valeriya snorted. "And I'm sure she'd get it," she said, waving a hand as if it was a matter of no importance. "What I mean is, what do you think the loss of you would do to Lena, considering her psyche is already so precariously balanced?"
Hairs began to stand up on the back of Remus' neck. "You think that grief might make her lose control permanently," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
Valeriya looked down at her lap for a few seconds. "I love Lena," she said finally, looking back up at him. "More than anything else in the world. But I would rather–" her voice cracked slightly, and Remus could have sworn that there was a tear in her eye, "–that she live her life without such love, such happiness, if it meant there was no risk of her losing herself." She let out a long, shaky breath. "That," she finished, "is what terrifies me."
Remus didn't blame her. He wouldn't be surprised if the next time he encountered a Boggart, it no longer took the form of a full moon.
Remus didn't tell Lena what he and Valeriya had discussed. According to the older woman, Lena wasn't aware of the real reason why Voldemort had started teaching her Occlumency. So when she asked Remus what Valeriya had said to him, he had lied and told her that her aunt had just given him the usual spiel of a protective parent coming face-to-face with the object of their child's desire. Lena hadn't questioned this, nor did she appear to notice any change in Remus' behaviour.
His mind was constantly occupied by – and agonising over – Valeriya's warning. The problem was, there wasn't anything he could really do about it. It was too late to try to break things off with her for her own benefit – she knew how much he loved her, and would never let him go. And he couldn't even entertain the notion of hurting her so badly that she'd want to leave him – the very thought of it made him sick. No, he'd just have to learn to live with the constant fear that he might one day be the cause of Lena losing complete control over her emotions, and becoming the monster she tried so hard not to be.
In spite of this newfound anxiety, Remus didn't distance himself from Lena at all. If anything, he found himself constantly craving her companionship, wanting to be as physically close to her any opportunity she would allow it. Those chances, however, were much rarer than Remus would have liked.
Lena, he was learning, required practically constant mental stimulation. The speed with which she read through books was only rivalled in its remarkability by the sheer amount of content she retained from them. She learned skills that people trained for months to perfect in matters of hours. The moment she completed an activity, she would immediately move on to the next – otherwise she would become bored, and a bored Lena could very quickly become an unpleasant one.
About a week after Valeriya's visit, Remus was eating lunch in the kitchen when there was a tapping sound at the window. Looking around, he saw an owl pecking on the glass. He quickly went over to the window and opened it. The owl, with a ruffle of its feathers, hopped inside and presented an envelope to Remus, who took it.
"Thank you," he muttered, reading the front. It was addressed to Lena.
The owl made a small hoot in response, but made no indication of leaving. Instead, it looked around the kitchen hopefully. Remus found the tin of owl treats Lena kept in the corner of the kitchen bench, and offered one to the owl, who eagerly accepted it. But even after it had eaten it, the owl remained.
It occurred to Remus that it was probably waiting for a response from Lena to take back to the sender.
"All right," he told the owl, "I'll go give it to her now. Just wait here."
The owl hooted again, but this time with the intonation of, 'Well, duh', and Remus headed off to the hall that Lena had converted into a garage for her car, knowing that she was working on something in there.
When he reached it, he found Lena leaning over the open bonnet of her car – which she had informed him, when he first saw it, was a Ford Cortina Mark III, although that meant absolutely nothing to Remus. To him, its only distinguishing feature was that it was dark green.
Her hair was up in a bun, and she was wearing a grey singlet and dark jeans. Her wand was between her teeth as she wielded a spanner, seemingly try to open something. Her expression was one of intense concentration.
Remus leant against the doorframe, smiling. There was just something so innately attractive to him about the whole picture.
But reluctant as he was to disturb it, there was an owl waiting for him back in the kitchen. So he called out to her, "Lena, love, do you have a moment?"
Upon hearing her name, Lena turned to look at him, taking the wand out of her mouth. "Sure," she replied. "What's up?"
Relieved she wasn't in an irritable mood, Remus ventured to ask, "What are you working on?"
Gesturing to what he guessed was the engine, Lena answered, "I'm trying to figure out if there's a safe, relatively permanent way I can modify this engine to be run by magic. I was doing some reading, and it turns out petrol's not great for the environment. So I'm looking for an alternative – one that's hopefully also a little less expensive."
Remus nodded. "Sounds great."
Lena grinned. "You really don't have any idea what I'm talking about, do you?"
"No," admitted Remus, "but I'm sure you're doing it marvellously."
She threw her head back and laughed, and Remus felt a swooping sensation in his stomach. It was these moments, where she was just so wonderful, that made the frustrating ones so worthwhile.
"Well," said Lena, her eyes still sparking from her mirth, "I'm sure it wasn't just curiosity about my latest project that brought you here." Leaving the spanner on the worktable nearest to car, she approached him. "What else can I do for you?"
"Firstly," said Remus, "I'd just like you to know that I'm incredibly aroused by you right now–"
"You're welcome."
"–and secondly," he held out the letter to her, "this just came for you, and the feathery deliverer is waiting in the kitchen for your reply."
"Huh," said Lena, taking the envelope and inspecting the address, "handwriting looks vaguely familiar..." She tore it open and unfolded the letter inside. "It's from Markellos."
"Who?"
"A client and friend of Valeriya's," explained Lena, reading the letter with great interest. "I've known him since I was six. Almost got killed by his three-headed dog."
Remus' eyebrows flew up. "What?"
"Story for another time," murmured Lena, engrossed in the message. Remus decided to wait until she'd finished before asking her any more questions.
When she was done, she finally looked back up at Remus. "He says he has a job for me," she told him.
"What sort of job?" asked Remus, frowning.
Lena shrugged. "He doesn't exactly say. Apparently, he'd rather explain it in person."
"And where would that be?"
"He lives on Mykonos."
"Greece?"
"Yeah." Lena bit her lip. "He wants an answer on whether I'm interested straight away. Time is of the essence, he says. "
"And are you?" inquired Remus. "Interested, I mean."
"Of course," replied Lena immediately. "He's... well, he's an interesting man."
Worried, Remus began to ask, "When you say interesting–"
"He's a decent man," Lena assured him. "Quite knowledgeable about the Dark Arts, yes, but as Valeriya's acquaintances go, he's definitely one of the better."
Not completely comforted by this, Remus said, "But it wouldn't be out of the question to suspect there may be an element of criminality to this job, right?"
"There's certainly a possibility," admitted Lena. "But just because something might be illegal doesn't mean it has to be completely immoral."
Remus sighed, folding his arms. "Look," he said, "if you want to take the job, then–"
"Come with me."
He stared at Lena, who was looking at him imploringly. "Come with you?" he repeated.
She took a step closer to him, putting her arms around his neck. "You've told me you've never been outside Britain before. Well, now's your chance to see some more of the world. We'll go see Markellos, learn what the job is, and maybe, if it's not as bad as you think, we could work together." She smiled playfully. "I'm sure whatever it is, I could use a man of your expertise."
Remus considered this. "And what if you like the job, but I don't?"
She shrugged. "You could use the time I'm working to do a bit of sightseeing." Letting go of his neck, she took his hands. "Please, Remus," she said softly, "I need to do something else other than sit at home, tinkering. But I'd much rather go with you than without."
The way Lena's eyes gazed into his made Remus' doubts melt away. "All right," he said, and Lena beamed. "You can tell your friend Markellos that the both of us are on our way."
They – and Mortimer – left the morning after the next, departing from the Lestrange Estate in Lena's car at what Remus dubbed an 'ungodly' hour. The plan was to drive to Dover, take a ferry over to Calais, and then continue driving to the house in Switzerland. Then the next morning, they would take a Portkey from Lustenberger's to Mykon's Grove.
Before they departed, Lena sent letters off to Valeriya, Maggie and Harry, telling them she was going to be out of England for at least the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, there would be no urgent matters that required her attention. She'd also put some new protective enchantments around the boundaries of the estate, including a piece of blood magic that she thought was quite clever – if she did say so herself.
"It's disappeared," remarked Remus as they drove beyond the boundaries. "I can't see a thing now."
Lena glanced back. It was as if the whole estate had disappeared, replaced by more of the surrounding Yorkshire moorland. "Good," she said. "Then all the protection works."
Remus looked at her, smiling wryly. "Did you really doubt it would?"
"Not really," conceded Lena. She gestured to the console. "Can you put the tape in the player?"
Remus picked up Maggie's mix-tape, taking it out of the case. "How'd you come so familiar with Muggle music in the first place?" he asked, putting it in the slot.
"Just by hanging out with Maggie over the last couple of summers," answered Lena. "She took Rolf and me to a record store a few times, and we listened to a lot of different stuff there."
The first song, Jimi Hendrix's All Along the Watchtower, began to play. As Lena hummed along, Remus inspected the case's inlay.
"A couple of names sound familiar," he commented, "but I can't say I really know any of these songs – apart from The Beatles, of course."
"Most of them aren't particularly new," said Lena. "Did your mother not play a lot of Muggle music while you were growing up?"
"She did," said Remus, "but she preferred older folk music – mainly Celtic stuff. The Beatles were the exception." He smiled fondly. "I remember one summer when James, Sirius and Peter came to stay with us for a few nights, and Mum put on some of their records. James and Sirius became obsessed. They were delighted Mum said the four of us reminded her of them."
"Let me guess," interjected Lena, grinning, "Sirius and James were Lennon and McCartney."
"Oh, naturally," said Remus. "Charming, brilliant, popular – and a proper double-act."
"Poor Ringo," Lena went on, "must be lumped with Pettigrew. And you," she glanced at Remus, "of course, are most definitely George."
"The quiet one, yes," said Remus drily.
"The sexiest one," Lena corrected him with a wink. "At least, that's what the smartest and most interesting people think."
Remus laughed. "Incredible. You can't even pay me a compliment without flattering yourself too," he teased.
"Isn't false modesty just lying?"
He chuckled again, and Lena smiled affectionately. But the talk of his fellow Marauders had brought up a question she'd been pondering for some time.
Unable to hold back her curiosity any longer, she hesitantly said, "Remus, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
Lena tapped the steering wheel with her fingers nervously, then asked, "Did you and Sirius ever... were you ever... well, you know?"
It appeared to take Remus a few seconds to comprehend what she was saying, and when he did, his eyes widened. "What?" He shook his head vigorously. "No, no. Why would you think that?"
"Well," explained Lena, "I don't know much about male friendships, but when you talk about James, I feel like that's what was between the two of you – a strong, devoted friendship. And when you talk about James and Sirius together, you make it sound like they were brothers. But when you just talk about Sirius..." She paused before continuing, "There's a different sort of intensity. Like it was maybe more than a platonic bond."
"I–" Remus stopped himself, looking a little uncomfortable.
There was a silence as Lena waited for him to continue.
At last, he spoke again. "When we were at school," he began, "Sirius had a certain quality about him that was quite similar to your own, er," he searched for the right word, "magnetism. He was extremely good looking and charismatic, and if he paid special attention to you, it made you feel, well, special. So, I suppose, regarding my feelings towards him, there was an element of attraction. But not to the degree that I ever wanted to be more than friends with him."
Lena took all of this in for a few reflective seconds. Then she asked, "So you never shagged him?"
Remus let out a strangled noise. "No, Lena, I did not."
"Or snogged?" This query was met by silence, so Lena risked a quick peek at his face. When she saw his blush, she smirked. "Well, your silence speaks volumes."
"It was just a stupid game of Truth or Dare in Fifth Year," protested Remus. There was a pause before he added, "And when we drank a little too much at James and Lily's wedding reception."
Doing her best to keep a straight face, she told Remus, "Knowing what Sirius looked like back then – Harry showed me a photo from the wedding – all I can say to you is: nice one." She took one hand off the steering wheel and held it up for a high-five.
"Lena!" Remus sounded appalled.
"What? He was gorgeous."
"He's your cousin."
"That's never stopped anyone in my family before."
Remus considered this for a moment, then accepted the high-five.
For about half a minute, they listened to the music in silence. Then Remus asked, "Lena, are you sure you're okay to return to the house?"
Lena's throat constricted slightly, and her grip on the steering-wheel tightened.
When she didn't reply, Remus began to say, "Because if it's too much, I'm sure we can find a hotel somewhere–"
"No," said Lena firmly. "No, I'll be fine." She swallowed. "I– I need to go back."
Remus frowned. "You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. It was a traumatic experience–"
"Don't say 'traumatic'," interrupted Lena, a little more harshly than she'd intended. "That makes it sound like I was the victim, not the... the perpetrator." She took a deep breath in, then reached over to pat Remus' leg. "I appreciate the concern, darling," she told him. "I do. But you have to let me deal with all my shit in my own way, okay?"
Taking her hand and squeezing it, Remus replied softly, "As long as you understand that you don't have to do it alone." He raised her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "You can tell me anything," he murmured. "I'll love you no matter what."
Lena pursed her lips. She knew Remus believed what he was saying, but how could it be true? The nightmares she'd been having ever since they'd spent their first whole night together surely proved that there were parts of her, hidden deep down, that could never be worthy of such love. And she could never tell him that.
She took her eyes off the road for a brief moment, to look into his. "I know," she lied. And just before she looked back at the road, she saw Remus smile, and there was an ache in her heart as she realised he believed her.
It was as if time had stood still inside the house that Lena had called home for five-and-a-half years. Nothing had really changed, except the absence of coats and cloaks hanging on the stand in the entrance. Most of Irina's possessions had remained, so very few ornaments were missing. As Valeriya still often used the house if she had business in the area, it was relatively clean, with only a thin layer of dust in the odd place.
Lena was standing in the living room, mere feet away from where she had killed Irina. She noticed, to her surprise, that Valeriya had not mended the cracks in the wall and ceiling from that day.
Over and over again, the memory – a combination of her own, and the one she'd seen from Valeriya's perspective – played through her head. She could still remember the anger she had felt in that moment, enraged that Irina was refusing to listen to her. And she remembered the sheer power with which Hecate's Orb had filled her. She had felt invulnerable, she had felt like a god–
She didn't know long she'd been standing there before she finally tore herself away. She headed upstairs to the bedroom she and Remus were going to use. Remus was inside, having partially unpacked their things. His attention, however, was now focused on her cassette player, with which he appeared to be rewinding a tape.
"What are you doing?" asked Lena. "We've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow, you should be getting ready for bed."
Remus glanced up at her. "There was just one song I wanted to listen to again." The tape having reached the spot he wanted, he let the music start to play.
Lena immediately recognised the opening riff of piano and guitar. She tilted her head. "Will You Love Me Tomorrow?" she said, arching an eyebrow.
Remus smiled at her as the lead singer of The Shirelles began to sing, "Tonight you're mine, completely..."
"I just can't seem to get it out of my head," he said. He stood up and held his hands out to Lena. "Care to dance?"
Lena blinked. "I've never danced in my entire life," she told him bluntly.
Remus walked over to her. "Then maybe it's time to learn," he suggested quietly, taking her hands and gently pulling her over to the largest empty space in the bedroom.
Biting her lip, Lena nodded. "Okay," she whispered, as the words, "Can I believe the magic of your sigh? Will you still love me tomorrow?" floated out of the speakers.
Remus placed her hands on his shoulders, and rested his own on her waist. "We'll just start with the simplest thing," he murmured. "Moving in time to the music."
He began to sway slightly from side to side, and Lena did her best to copy the motion.
"Tonight with words unspoken,
You say that I'm the only one.
But will my heart be broken,
When the night meets the morning sun?"
"And now," instructed Remus gently, "we begin to move our feet."
They started to move around the room. It wasn't particularly graceful or elegant, but they did keep to the beat of the music.
When Lena became comfortable enough to look up from their feet, she gazed up into Remus' eyes which were looking at her just as intently, and she felt an almost overwhelming sensation of love, fear and guilt.
But Remus appeared to only sense one of these emotions. Smiling slightly, he lowered his head, and Lena quickly brought her lips up to his. As they kissed, they continued to sway in time to the music.
"So tell me now and I won't ask again,
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?"
I don't know if anyone's interested, but I thought I might as well put up the track listing for the mix-tape Maggie gave Lena (since I figured it all out):
All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix
Rocket Man (I Think It's Going To Be A Long, Long Time) - Elton John
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Nina Simone
Help! - The Beatles
Dreams - The Cranberries
Too Late To Turn Back Now - Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose
Will You Love Me Tomorrow - The Shirelles
The Passenger - Siouxsie and the Banshees
Vienna - Billy Joel
London Calling - The Clash
You Don't Own Me - Lesley Gore
Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
You're My World - Cilla Black
Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones
Under Pressure - Queen & Davie Bowie
God Only Knows - The Beach Boys
Any thoughts on Lena's taste in music? :D