"You're not even trying!" I snapped from my spot behind the home plate fence. Benny turned and glared at me but made no nasty comment back to me, he was too frustrated to do so. "That's seven, you've struck out twice now."

"I've never struck you out twice in a row!" Kenny called from the mound.

Benny turned on him then. "Whose side are you on?"

"I didn't know I had to chose a side." Kenny replied.

I rolled my eyes. "Well you better be on my side!" I called to him. "Because I'm the one who is being realistic in this situation!"

"I'm trying!" Benny snapped at me.

"Really? Because Kenny has struck you out on four fastballs, two hang-ups and a curve ball that doesn't curve!"

"Okay now I'm officially on his side." Kenny said crossing his arms. "Let's take a break."

With a huff we all moved towards the home field dugout, after years of knowing nothing more than a bench that gave us splinters and an open concept that left us dodging foul balls every few minutes, it was odd to be in a real dugout. We sat on metal benches without equipment littering the floor, and we didn't step on wads of gum and sunflower seeds that we had to spend hours peeling from our cleats, it was different, it was nice.

"My curve ball curves." Kenny muttered taking a seat beside me.

"Yeah okay, and Phillips doesn't bobble the ball every time it's hit to him."

"You're really mean. I don't remember you being this mean." I pushed Kenny's shoulder.

"It rides too high, you need to shorten your stride."

"Should I be taking advice from someone whose arm is in a sling?" He teased, I pushed him again as he laughed. "Is it getting any better?"

I shrugged. "How the hell should I know? I haven't thrown a ball in. . . what two weeks?"

He shrugged, time had really gotten away from us, it seemed slower now that I couldn't play baseball, I spent almost all of my time helping coach both Kenny and Benny.

Kenny was easy, and usually Benny was even easier but for the last few days he hadn't been himself. He hadn't been hitting well and he wasn't performing like the superstar that he usually was, and it was weighing on him.

I had never seen Benny so frustrated before, at least with baseball. Baseball came easy to Benny, he worked at it harder then anyone else but Benny had a natural talent which made him as good as he was. I don't think he really knew how to not be good at baseball, most of all I don't think he knew how to be better at it, he was always the best.

"We've been practising for three hours I think we should just call it for today." Kenny said after a few moments.

"No." Was Benny's reply.

"Benny you need to take a break. It's just not working today." Benny didn't want to argue, and the last thing we wanted was to argue with him, especially when it came to baseball but we tended to see the bigger picture while he got tunnel vision. So with a large sigh that told us he was annoyed, he started to gather his stuff.

"I'll start picking up the balls." I said walking towards the backstop.

While I was hunched over placing balls into the bucket I had been using as a seat someone came up the the backstop.

"Hey." I looked up, the face was familiar but the hair was throwing me off. "Trying to figure out where you know me?" He asked with a smile.

I stood up swiping at the dust on my knees. "The party right?" I asked. "From the trailer park?" It was the shaggy haired kid from the party where I spit in Adam's face. His hair was shorter now, almost completely gone, he must have buzzed it off.

"Glad you remember." He looked around the ball park. "So, this is where you all spend your time. I have to say I thought they were joking about you being a coach."

"I was never really a coach." I told him. "I'm even less now."

"That the reason?" He asked pointing to my sling. "I don't remember you having that last time I saw you."

"No." I wiggled my arm in the sling. "This is just an unfortunate event, the demotion had a lot to do with spitting in Adam's face."

"Oh right!" He laughed. "I thought that was awesome."

"Yeah well. . ." I looked towards the dugout where Benny and Kenny were still packing up their equipment and had yet to notice I was talking to anyone.

"How'd it happen?"

"Huh?" He pointed to my arm again. "Oh, pitching, I threw my arm out."

"By throwing a ball?"

"You know for living in a town that seems to be obsessed with baseball, you don't seem to know too much about it."

He shrugged. "I played growing up, I just didn't stick with it, not everyone likes to spend three hours after school on the field."

"Then why are you here?"

He smiled at me. "I'm Drew."

"Nice to meet you, but you didn't answer my question."

And before he could Benny came jogging over to us. "Hey, I'm Benny."

Drew's eyes seemed to light up with some recognition. "Oh, how's it going superstar?"

Benny's eyebrows knit together. "Superstar?"

"Things get around, I was told that you're some kind of God of baseball that came out of nowhere and started embarrassing everyone."

Benny shrugged. "I just like playing ball."

"I also hear you haven't been living up to your reputation lately."

Benny stiffened and glanced at me. "Who the hell are you?"

"Hey don't worry about it, I was just leaving. See you around Toni."

After one of the more odd encounters I ever had he was gone with a wave and Benny was looking at me confused. "Who the heck was that?"

"Drew, he kind of met me at the trailer park party."

"Weird kid."

"Well we are in florida. Let's get out of here."

"We lost him." I stared at the detective, and I knew how unimpressed I looked.

"I'm not going to pretend that I know anything about police work but how did you lose him, when you never found him?" I demanded.

"We had a paper trail. . .it ended." I rolled my eyes and pushed back from the desk I had been sitting at for the past twenty minutes. "I promise we'll find him."

"I don't care if you find him!" I snapped, "I care that every few weeks you make the trip from California and bother me for an hour just to tell me nothing."

His expression softened. "Toni you don't mean that."

"I do." I snapped. "I truly mean it when I say I don't care if you find him, I don't want you even looking for him. He left for a reason, finding him is just going to confirm what I already

know!" I didn't mean to yell and I didn't mean to come off cross but I couldn't help it, I was annoyed at the fact that I was the only one accepting that my dad had left and he didn't want to be found.

I was about to go off on the poor man when the door behind me burst open and Benny entered, being quickly followed by a police officer."That's it." He said.

"Kid I told you you can't come back here." The officer said.

"Well I already am!" Benny's gaze never left me, he was angry and frustrated. "Come on." He gripped my good arm and pulled me from the seat nearly dragging me out of the room.

"You can't do that!" The officer yelled after us.

"Well I already am!" Benny repeated as we made our way through the station.

I followed him confused but I only pulled away from him once we were outside. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded.

"Get in the truck." Was his response. "And don't give me any attitude about it we're going for a drive and you're going to deal with it!"

I opened my mouth to retort but quickly shut it, knowing that it probably was no use, so I followed him to the truck.

He pulled out of there faster than Ham chasing a girl through the hallways.

"What's your problem?" He finally asked once we were on the roads.

"My problem?" I demanded. "You're the one that dragged me out of there."

"Cause I was sick and tired of listening to you lie and say things you don't mean."

"What?"

"Why can't you admit that it bothers you that he's gone? Why can't you just admit that you're hurt about it? That you want to know why he left? Why can't you just talk about it?"

I was caught off guard by his anger and by his aggressiveness. "Cause it doesn't bother me."

"Bullshit! It does Toni, and it's okay that it does!"

"It doesn't." Benny glanced at me his mouth a tight line waiting for me to say something else, to change what I had said but it never came.

"Fine." He snapped taking a sharp turn and took off down a more rural road.

After ten minutes of demanding he tell me where we were going I gave up, Benny was stubborn and I was as well but when he was the one driving it didn't matter who had a stronger will.

About twenty minutes later we were traveling through a forest and Benny pulled over into a nearby field and parked truck. He turned fully towards me and pocketed the key. "Talk."

"What?"

"Talk about it."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Take me home."

"No." He said simply.

"There's nothing to talk about."

This time he rolled his eyes. "There's everything to talk about."

"Benny my dad leaving doesn't bother me."

"I don't believe you."

"I've already talked about this!"

"No you haven't. It's bothering you, I can tell. The entire time I have known you your father ignored you, I went to your house and there was never food in the fridge, you played baseball for years and he never knew about it. He didn't speak to you, to didn't stand up for you, he was never around and that bothered you because he was your dad and you loved him and wanted him to be apart of your life." He took my hand in his. "He was a jerk but he was still your dad and you love him and want him to love you back. Now he's gone and I know it bothers you because you love him. Why is it so hard for you to admit that this really bothers you? The same way it bothered you when he was here?"

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, I had been bottling it up, I had been ignoring the fact that he was my dad and that I did miss the part of him that used to be there before my mom died, and I was highlighting all the terrible things he had done in an attempt to hate him. "People have it worse." I said. "Worse things happen."

"Yeah." He nodded softening his voice. "But this still happened, and it was still terrible. It's okay to be upset about it."

"Of course I'm upset about it Benny." I admitted. "But I can't change it. There's no point in dwelling on it."

"No there isn't, but it's only been a few months, that's not dwelling on it, that's getting over it. I just can't watch you lie to yourself, thinking that you need to be like stone all the time." He

watched me with concerned eyes and a calm smile. "I don't know what you're going through. I have two parents that love me and the only person I ever lost was Mr. Myrtle, and you lost someone not only to death but you also lost someone whose still alive. But I can be here for you, will you let me be here for you?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Then just please tell me how you feel."

I took a deep breath and thought about all of it, from the moment my mother had passed away to the very moment I was in Benny's car, and it overcame me. It was like years and years of pushing things down came spilling to the top, I didn't even realize I was crying until Benny pulled me into his arms and wiped away my tears. He stroked my hair and there we sat for hours, I talked about how broken I felt that my dad had left and never even left a note, and how it made me feel like it was my fault. Benny assured me that it wasn't, I believed him, I told Benny how much it sucked that I didn't feel like I belonged in my own house and he told me how one day I would never have to go back.

We sat there until the sun went down, my tears of sadness turned into tears of laughter as pain turned into joy and my fears and doubts were forgotten. I felt better than I had in months and I remembered all the good I had in my life.

We ended the night by making love in the back of his truck, and then played catch under the stars and when fireworks lit up the sky we raced back to the diamond breaking almost every traffic law as we did.

Kenny was already there, as if he was waiting for us and the three of us played baseball as best we good under the light of the fireworks, laughing and remembering every summer when we felt invincible on this night.

Despite how stupid I felt for not remembering the date, I felt put together again.

It was the fourth of July.