"So if you're not really a pilot, what are you?"
Bodhi raised his head for the first time in a long while. The muscles in his neck burned but he tried to ignore it. Mara was watching him work from her perch up on the wing of the ship, her legs crossed beneath her. Her tone wasn't suspicious but Bodhi was too smart to think she was asking because she was actually interested.
"I'm an engineer." He flipped the wrench he'd finished using around in one hand so that he held onto the bulky head then passed it up to her. Mara placed it in the tool bag beside her with uncharacteristic care.
"Who doesn't know anything about engines?" Bodhi shot her a look and she revised her sentence. "Who doesn't know much about engines?"
He chuckled quietly to himself, not sure if he should let her see that she'd made him laugh. Mara had taken him away from his friends, she'd ruined his chances of ever becoming a Rebel pilot, and yet Bodhi had to keep reminding himself that he hated her. Maybe you don't, he thought to himself, but he brushed it away.
"I haven't been doing it very long."
It was the middle of the night but the desert was alive with sound. During the day, the rolling sands seemed completely barren, but the wildlife had simply been waiting for the scorching sun to sink below the dunes. Mara had no idea what kind of creatures were responsible for the screeches and whistles floating out of the dark but she wasn't keen to find out. She didn't like waiting and not knowing how to help Bodhi was making her restless, so she'd decided to keep watch while he worked. A distant howl made her tense up and she shone their only torch in what she thought was the right direction but she didn't spot anything lurking in the dark.
Mara peered down into the open engine and repositioned the torch so that Bodhi could see what he was doing. Every so often, he asked for a new tool and explained what he was doing, or at least tried to. Mara certainly wasn't an expert but with all his swearing and grumbling, she'd guessed Bodhi was making it up as he went along about five minutes after he started. Still, she committed everything he told her to memory, determined never to get stuck in a situation like this again.
"How long have you been on Yavin 4?"
Bodhi looked up only to be temporarily blinded by the torch. He screwed up his face, trying to blink away the spots in his vision. "Why all the questions?" He gently pushed Mara's hand to the side so that the light wasn't in his face. She apologised by keeping the position he'd moved her to. She shrugged.
"I like to know as much as I can about a person if I'm gonna be stuck in a tin can with them."
Bodhi pulled a face, twisting his mouth as if to say 'fair enough'. He went back to the engine and Mara went back to her self-appointed surveillance role. As much as she wanted to pay attention to Bodhi's teachings, there was no denying that she was exhausted. Mara had hardly listened to the doctor on Yavin 4 but she did remember her saying she might have a concussion. It certainly felt that way, though the dizziness and nausea had thankfully worn off now that she'd had something to eat and drink.
Her broken ribs were still very much at the forefront of her mind. Thanks to the brace supporting her middle, she could move with relative ease, which was something of a blessing considering their run-in at the market earlier. Mara could get around fine but she could only take small, shallow breaths otherwise it was agony, made worse by the tight brace. She wanted to remove it to give herself room to breathe but she was worried it would do more harm than good. Her skin was surely black and blue, she was almost too scared to look.
Mara wasn't used to being so broken. Though she'd been in more fights than she could remember, she was usually armed and surrounded by her soldiers. She hadn't so much as twisted an ankle since her training ended many years ago. It wasn't a feeling she wanted to get used to. She looked up at the sky and wondered what kind of timekeeping system the locals had invented that incorporated the lack of a moon. The empty sky was almost eerie. Alderaan had only one moon but it filled the night, glowing like silver until even the stars grew envious of its light. This planet was so dull and dark, Mara could hardly see her own hand in front of her face.
"How long are the nights here, do you think?" She kept her wary gaze on the horizon so she didn't see Bodhi look up.
"Short, there're only a few hours of darkness before the sun comes back up." He watched her stare off into the gloom, resting his oil-stained hands on the wing of the ship. She was quiet, and Bodhi didn't have anywhere else to be, so he waited patiently to hear what had captured her thoughts. At last, Mara said,
"You're tired. And there's no point working in the dark." She put a hand on her side and pressed down hard as she rose to stand. Bodhi had almost forgotten her broken bones, she moved as if she had no injuries at all. Mara jumped down from the wing, only stumbling a little.
She paused a moment, waiting for the pain in her chest to dull to a throb. When she was able to breathe again, Mara straightened up and found Bodhi watching her closely. Was that concern in his face? It wasn't an emotion she was used to seeing. Mara smiled slightly, amused by his expression, whatever it meant. "Come on, pilot."
Bodhi didn't say anything, he couldn't even muster a wry smile like he wanted to. He supposed it was because he was shocked, he had half expected Mara to make him work through the night. Part of him wanted to, the sooner he got off Boz Pity, the better. But he was tired, and as Mara had pointed out, there was no use working when he could hardly see what he was doing. Bodhi shut the engine hood and followed Mara into the ship.
They stood side by side, staring at the empty storage hold. The benches on either wall were too hard and narrow to make good beds. They silently came to the same decision, the floor would have to do. While Bodhi searched the loading bay for something, anything to make them more comfortable, Mara stayed in the hold and took stock of her injuries.
When the door closed behind Bodhi, she eased out of her jacket, praying that if she moved slowly enough, the pain wouldn't be so bad. She was wrong. The tightness in her ribcage grew until it felt almost white-hot beneath her skin. Mara hissed between closed teeth, pressing her hand to the brace and staying as still as she could. When the pressure had slipped away a little, she looked around for the hospital shirt she'd discarded earlier. She didn't want to sleep in her uniform and the only other things Mara had were the flimsy medcentre clothes she'd escaped in. They weren't exactly ideal, in fact just looking at them brought back an overwhelming claustrophobia, but she could hardly sleep naked.
The door to the cargo hold slid open just as she pulled on the awful medcentre shirt. Bodhi stared at her for a moment when he saw that she'd changed then looked down at the dark cloth bundled up in his arms.
"This is all I could find." In a storage hold way above his head (he had to stand on an empty crate to reach it) Bodhi had found a first aid kit, a fire extinguisher, and two blankets. They were standard issue in most Rebel ships, just in case a pilot found themselves stranded or hurt. He hadn't expected a rickety old cargo ship to have the same emergency measures, he was glad the Rebels were so thorough. "So do you... I can, um... I can sleep in the cockpit or-"
"No, it's fine. There's more than enough room." Mara left her precious jacket on the bench so she could take one of the blankets from him. She laid it out on the floor at their feet, right in the centre of the hold, between the two benches.
"Right, okay." Bodhi hesitated for a moment, still fairly frightened of Mara, before he inwardly chastised himself for his own cowardice and helped her straighten out the blankets.
"What did you do before you joined the Rebellion?" Mara picked up her questioning again. If they were going to be stuck with each other, she was determined to know as much about the pilot as possible. He seemed normal enough, kind, if a little skittish. But still, Mara knew that simply being a Rebel wasn't enough to trust him; things were rarely so black and white, especially these days. She watched Bodhi fiddle with the corner of the blanket, pulling and flattening it out several times before he was happy. He didn't meet her eyes.
"I was, um... I was a cargo driver," he said quietly. Then quickly, as if he couldn't wait to change the subject, "What about you? Have you always been a..." Bodhi trailed off, choosing instead to gesture vaguely in her direction. How could he describe Mara? He'd never come across anyone like her before, there simply weren't words. Her sharp eyes followed his hand as it flapped about, her brow furrowed. Kriff, she made him nervous. Mara raised one hand and he threw her the other blanket which she caught with ease.
"Yes, actually." They were thick, engineered to trap body heat, but scratchy and old. Dust and grime seemed to be woven into the material, they clearly hadn't been washed for many years. It wasn't going to be the best night's sleep either of them had ever had, but it was better than lying on the cold, hard floor. "My mother was captain before me. She started my training from the moment I was strong enough to hold a blaster." Mara unfurled the blanket and lifted it high above her head so that the dust billowed out like smoke from a fire. She laid it down on top of the first and Bodhi grabbed the other end. "I didn't get much say in the matter."
"That must've been hard."
His words caught her off guard. Mara looked up sharply, surprised when she realised she'd spoken without really thinking about it. Bodhi was looking at her with that concerned, soft expression again. For some reason, it made her throat feel tight. Mara was on her feet and walking towards the door before he could say another word.
"I'm going to check the perimeter." She disappeared from sight for only a second before she walked back in again. "Stay here," she said firmly. Bodhi nodded, lost for words, and Mara left the ship.
Once outside in the cool night air, she stopped and closed her eyes. She waited until the door closed behind her to take a hesitant breath, all too aware of her broken bones. Despite being careful, her ribs still burned. Mara had to stifle her furious sob, so frustrated and confused that she turned and punched the side of the ship. She regretted it instantly, it hurt like hell and only made her feel worse. Mara shook out her hand, trying to calm herself down. She hoped Bodhi hadn't heard it.
She replayed the last few seconds in her head. Mara wasn't used to casual conversations, most of the talking she did was either taking orders or dealing them out. She'd never admitted anything like that to anyone before. I didn't get much say in the matter. That was ridiculous, of course, she had a choice. It was her decision to join the Royal Guard, hers and hers alone. Mara looked down at her hand and saw that her knuckles were red and bruised. There was now another small dent in the side of the ship.
At last, her frantic breathing slowed. Her gaze dropped to the strange sand at her feet. The seemingly endless stretch of desert surrounded the ship like shifting, eldritch water, and Mara felt as if she were adrift at sea. Lost. She'd never felt lost before. She turned and carefully stepped onto the wing then up onto the roof of the ship. It was wide and flat, she made no sound as she crossed the metal panels. Mara had started her training at four years old. After her lessons were done and the other children were out playing, she was inside practicing. Her mother, Helenia Verbanti, had already been captain for three years and had more medals and honours than any of her predecessors. She wanted her only daughter to be just as successful, if not more so. That was a heavy burden for any child to bear.
Mara scanned the horizon, though she could hardly see anything, it was so dark. Anything to keep her mind wandering. She loved her mother dearly and was unspeakably grateful for all she'd done for her. Mara never would've become who she was if it weren't for her mother's persistence. She could hear her voice in her head, telling her to do better, fight harder, run faster. But Bodhi's words cut through them all, rising and rising until it was all she could think about. That must've been hard. He'd looked almost sad, like he pitied her. Mara scoffed, shaking her head crossly. Who does he think he is, she thought. He knew nothing about her. He couldn't be more wrong. But if he was so far off the mark, why was she still thinking about it? Why did she feel like crying?
Mara stopped her frantic pacing and closed her eyes again. She let the night wash over her, filling her lungs and soothing her worried heart. She remembered the rain beating down on her back, her breath curling into mist in front of her. She remembered running in endless circles, slipping and falling again and again as she grew more and more tired. She could still feel the mud between her fingers. She was out in the storm for hours, her mother didn't believe in rest days. Mara ran and ran, her fellow trainees all following in her footsteps. She was always the fastest, always.
When endurance training was over at last, there was sparring. Two recruits stood in the centre and practised what they'd been taught. On that day, Mara had slipped one time too many, her ankle most definitely sprained. The boy she'd been paired with was twice her size, aggressive and unrelenting. By the time he was done with her, Mara could hardly see through her right eye and her body was littered with bruises.
Her mother stood at the edge of the arena, her lieutenant beside her. They were discussing the fights, ranking the recruits. When Mara reached for her mother, she held her at arm's length. She remembered her saying that she was soaked through and filthy, she should go get changed and then they could discuss what she'd done wrong. She didn't lose another fight after that. Mara stared into the black sand. She felt empty, hollowed out. That must've been hard. Yes. Yes, it was.
Bodhi looked up when the cargo bay door slid open. His heart stumbled, immediately assuming the worst. Thankfully, it was Mara who stood in the doorway, not one of the thuggish Pitians from the market, but his heartbeat didn't slow. She stood so still, it was almost unnerving. Bodhi wondered if he'd upset her but he didn't say anything, he just waited for Mara to make the first move. He looked down and saw that she had a smudge of oil on the back of her hand from where he'd touched her.
Mara studied the makeshift bed they'd made for themselves. Thankfully Boz Pity was still very warm at night so they could use both blankets to make the metal floor more comfortable. Bodhi had grabbed his jacket and folded it up for a pillow. Again, it wasn't exactly luxury, but it was better than nothing. He didn't think Mara would want to fold up her uniform and almost offered her his own but when she finally moved, it was to grab the jacket and carefully bundle it up.
She peeled off her heavy boots and left them by the door, not wanting to track sand into what was now their sleeping area. Mara laid down on her back, gritting her teeth to stopper the agonised cry sitting in her throat. She kept as far away from Bodhi as possible, and he shuffled sideways until he was on the very edge of the blanket. They both stared up at the ceiling, letting silence well up inside the ship until it pressed against the walls, making the metal creak.
At last, Bodhi turned over onto his side, pulling his goggles off his forehead and clutching them tight. "Goodnight."
His voice was barely above a whisper but he still startled Mara. She looked round and saw that he'd turned his back on her, not because he wanted to shut her out but to give them both some privacy. Mara wished she could work this man out. He hated her- that much was obvious- and she couldn't care less about him... And yet he still seemed to care. She turned her gaze back to the ceiling, trying to work out why one single word troubled her so much. Then Mara realised that no one had wished her goodnight for a very long time, and no one had ever whispered it to her from across the same bed.
Her chest felt tight again but not from her broken ribs, this was something entirely different, something she'd never felt before. Mara balled her hands into fists at her sides, clenching and stretching her fingers as she tried to figure out what to do. In the end, she simply closed her eyes and let her body melt into the blankets. Then, just as she was about to drift off, she whispered, "Goodnight." She assumed Bodhi had already fallen asleep, she didn't think he'd hear her. But he wasn't and he did, and it made his chest squeeze too.
Bodhi didn't know how long he lay there before he finally slipped off to sleep. It felt like he blinked and it was morning. Light crept underneath the cargo bay door, coating the floor in a pale violet sheen. Bodhi raised his head, wincing when his muscles protested. It wasn't the most uncomfortable place he'd ever slept, but he'd been a much younger man then and not nearly so bruised.
He lay silently for a few minutes, just listening to the wind smack against the side of the ship. He'd had a nightmare sometime during the night, one he'd had before. Scarif, the noise, the taste of blood. It almost felt like he could feel the sand on his face. Then searing, unbelievable pain to the right side of his body. Bodhi tripped into consciousness, gulping in air like he'd been drowning.
It took him a few moments to remember where he was. He'd worried that he'd woken Mara and dreaded having to explain himself, but she didn't even stir. He listened to the slow in and out of her breathing as he went back to sleep, trying to match her pace until his heart quietened. It was hard to tell how long he'd slept after that because of the seemingly ubiquitous sun, but it couldn't have been more than a few hours.
Bodhi turned over onto his back, wondering how Mara had slept. He wasn't surprised to find her side of the bed empty. Bodhi felt a sharp tug of fear in his chest before he remembered that Mara was just as much stranded as he was, so she couldn't have abandoned him, even if she wanted to. He stared at the blanket where she once lay then sighed.
"She's got to stop doing this," he grumbled. Mara said she needed his help but she had a funny way of showing it, disappearing every five minutes. Bodhi got to his feet slowly, feeling about ten years older after his terrible night's sleep on the unforgiving floor. Narrowing his eyes against the gloom, he tried to find the door, holding his arms out in front of him like a child learning to walk.
When he finally managed to find the switch, Bodhi had to take a step back, shielding his eyes from the glare. The main door of the ship was open, allowing the purple tinted sunlight to fill the cargo bay. When he'd regained his sight, Bodhi stuck his head out of the ship. His assumption that he'd forgotten to close the door last night was silenced when he found Mara sitting on the wing enjoying the sunshine. Her legs dangled over the side, looking for all the world like an ordinary woman and not the fierce captain he knew her to be. The door whooshed shut behind him and Mara looked around. Unsurprisingly, she did not smile, though she did gesture for him to join her on the wing.
"Morning," she said, looking much brighter than the last time he saw her. Bodhi had worried that he'd upset her and thought he'd have to find some way to apologise, but she seemed to have forgotten all about it. Either that, or she was very good at hiding it.
"Morning," Bodhi echoed, tentatively placing his foot onto the wing to test its strength before he went to sit down beside her. He waited for her to say something more but she didn't. He thought she might address what happened last night, he wasn't expecting much but an explanation would've been helpful, but she seemed just as keen to forget about it as he was. They sat side by side in silence, watching the strange sun arc upwards in the east. Just as Bodhi was starting to feel uncomfortable, Mara spoke.
"I got us breakfast."
She turned and rooted around in a bag she'd kept hidden beside her. She passed him what looked like a bread roll but when he bit into it, it was sweet. Had she slept at all? He couldn't tell what time it was but it was definitely early. She must've been up at first light in order to get to the market and back again before he woke. Bodhi looked between Mara and the food she'd bought for him. No, not for him. Them. She'd been very clear about that. Mara had taken an enormous risk going into town again alone. Although, he supposed, it was very unlikely that anyone would give her any trouble after they'd seen what she was capable of.
"How did you pay for these?" he asked, hoping it didn't come off as ungrateful. Mara shrugged as she bit into her breakfast, obviously just as famished as he was.
"Traded in one of the blasters for money." She gestured vaguely down to her waist where the other blaster they'd procured rested in a holster.
She must've got it in the deal; Bodhi couldn't help but admire her resourcefulness. Mara turned her head and met his gaze. There were thick smudges under her eyes; like him, she must not have slept. That meant she must've heard him having a nightmare. Bodhi's face felt hot. If Mara did hear him, she didn't say anything. She looked back out at the endless desert, taking a huge bite of her breakfast.
"We only need one."
Bodhi wasn't sure what she meant. Was she afraid he might use the other blaster against her? Surely not. No, it was far more likely that Mara simply didn't need more than her hands to fight and win, a blaster would probably just slow her down. Saw Garrera used to say, 'one fighter with a sharp stick and nothing left to lose can take the day'. Bodhi couldn't help thinking he must've had Mara in mind when he said that.
"Right." It was all he could think to say. They sat in silence for a little while longer until the sun had reached a quarter of the way across the sky. As soon as they finished their food, Bodhi went back into the ship to grab his tool bag. He hoped he might get the engine fixed by the evening but that was putting an awful lot of faith in his merely adequate skills. He'd only driven cargo ships, the Empire had a whole army of engineers to maintain them.
They resumed their positions, Bodhi bent over the troublesome engine and Mara looking down into it from the wing. Again, Bodhi tried to explain what he was doing (even though it was pretty much all guesswork), repeating everything Yunlo had taught him over the past few weeks. Mara tried to pay attention but it wasn't long before she got bored.
"Where're you from?" She heard Bodhi give a huff of laughter.
"More questions?"
Mara leaned further forwards to get a better view. "You know where I'm from." This time, Bodhi snorted loudly. He'd clearly got over his fear of her, either that or he was too tired to care.
"How could I not when it's all you talk about?" He glanced up at her to gauge her reaction. To his surprise and relief, Mara seemed to find this amusing.
"Broken ribs or not, I could still take you, flyboy."
She was teasing him, but not to be cruel, she was trying to make him laugh. Bodhi almost couldn't wrap his head around it. After all their previous interactions, he didn't think Mara even had a sense of humour.
He held her gaze, his dark eyes searching hers. Mara tried not to look as uncomfortable as she felt but there was something in his face, something that bewildered her. No one had ever looked at her like that before. She stared right back, wondering what he was thinking about. At last, he began to smile.
"Kriff," he spoke so softly, Mara had to lean forward to hear him better. "Is that a smile?"
He was right. She hadn't even noticed it. Ever since she woke up on Yavin 4, Mara had felt an overwhelming anxiety gripping her tight. Its jagged claws and thoughts of Leia, tortured and alone, had kept her up all night, but now it was gone. No, not gone, it had just slinked off for a little while, it would soon be back. But right at that moment, she felt calm, peaceful even. Her instincts told her to drop the smile and replace it with the blank mask she'd been told to wear since she was a child. But she didn't.
Bodhi watched several emotions cross her face before she finally gave him another wry, if hesitant, smile.
"Don't get used to it." She spoke quietly, and if he didn't know her any better, he'd say she was embarrassed. Mara sat back, suddenly very conscious of how close they were, and Bodhi laughed, turning back to the engine. "So?"
"Jedha." He leaned his weight against the ship with one arm. He rubbed his free hand across his mouth, scrunching up his face in such a way that Mara found herself smiling again and was glad he didn't see it. "It's only a small moon, orbiting NaJedha."
"I've heard of it." Mara couldn't think where she'd learned about the tiny system, again it was probably something she'd overheard in one of the countless meetings Leia attended. "There're frozen deserts on Jedha."
Bodhi was happily surprised that she knew about his home, not many people gave it a second thought. "Wouldn't mind being stuck there instead." He gestured to the wastelands around them then wiped his forehead for emphasis.
Mara hummed in agreement. The weather on Alderaan had been pleasantly cool recently. If it ever got too hot, people went to the southern lakes to swim where the water was clear as crystal. There wasn't any natural water on Boz Pity for miles, and stalls in the market were selling skins of it for ridiculous prices. Mara felt her heart ache at the thought of her home but then something clicked in her memory. She knew why she'd heard of Jedha.
She was right, it had been in a council meeting. Mara remembered seeing images of unimaginable devastation, the worst fears of the Republic finally being proved true. The Empire had built a weapon like no other, a planet killer, and tested it on the ancient, defenceless moon of Jedha, destroying a millennium of culture and wiping out an entire city in one blow. It wasn't often Mara felt fear but in that moment, seeing the destruction their enemy had left in their wake, she'd been truly terrified. She watched Bodhi fiddle with a seemingly endless pile of cabling until she worked up the courage to say something.
"I heard about the Holy City."
His hands stilled. A few moments passed where neither of them moved. Mara was about to apologise or change the subject (she hadn't decided yet) when Bodhi spoke.
"I used to go there with my family." He raised his hand and asked for a different tool which Mara passed to him without comment. Last night, he'd figured out that it was the valvetrain causing most of the trouble. It was why the shuttle had been sitting in the hangar in the first place; crashing onto Boz Pity had only exacerbated the problem. The valvetrain wasn't letting air and fuel in and out of the engine at the proper time, causing it to stall. If he didn't fix it, they weren't going anywhere. Luckily, Yunlo had shown him how to do just that and Bodhi was a very attentive student. "There was a temple etched in the side of a mountain. Every day, the monks would walk out in single file and hand out food. Then the Empire..."
Bodhi's voice grew fainter and fainter as images of his home rose in his mind; the sounds of the city, the feeling of his mother's hand clasped tightly in his own. He clenched his fist until his fingernails dig into the skin of his palm. Bodhi wanted to push the memory of the enormous dust cloud enveloping the city from his mind, but much like the snapshots of Scarif that plagued his dreams, they would not be silenced. He looked up and found Mara watching him. "I've never seen anything like it," he said quietly, turning back to the engine.
She tilted her head to the side, wondering why he wouldn't meet her gaze. "You were there?" What was a Rebel doing in a place like Jedha? There was a small group of extremists known to the Resistance that had set up base in the Holy City, but no self-respecting Rebel wanted anything to do with them and Bodhi certainly didn't seem the type.
He didn't look at her. He couldn't. Mara had obviously never heard of him, which was something of a rarity these days. Most Rebels knew about the Rogue One team, it was hard not to. Dismissing direct orders and the gravity of their mission meant they were practically celebrities. Baze and Chirrut were particularly revered on Yavin 4, not many people had met anyone so closely connected to the Jedi practices of old, and Jyn and Cassian were considered great war heroes. But all the fame had only drawn more attention to Bodhi's past. When people learned that an Imperial cargo driver had defected and joined their ranks, they were understandably suspicious. Very few had been able to see past the uniform and treat him as one of their own. After everything she'd said about the Empire, he knew Mara would not be so accepting. Her vehemence was terrifying but they'd been getting along well, he didn't want to ruin that.
On a more selfish level, it was just nice to meet someone who hadn't heard of him, who didn't know his life story. Although, Mara didn't know his full name. He wanted to keep it to himself for as long as possible. She clearly didn't know much about the war but gossip was almost impossible to avoid, even in the royal household, and he couldn't be sure that she hadn't heard of him. So Bodhi told her all about Saw Garrera, about the message from Galen Erso, neglecting to mention that he was the one who delivered it in the first place. He couldn't tell her, he just couldn't, but he did tell Mara about the people he met that day.
"I know two men, one is a Guardian of the Whills. They protected the city." The huge, unspoken 'or used to' hung in the air above their heads but neither of them reached for it.
"Friends of yours?"
Mara seemed suitably impressed. Like most, she'd only heard stories about the Guardians, they were more like legends now, just fairy tales passed down through the generations. Bodhi shrugged. "I suppose."
"You suppose?" To Mara, you were either friends with someone or you weren't, and he spoke about these people with clear admiration. Bodhi swore suddenly and jumped back when something in the depths of the engine sparked and bit his wrist. Mara didn't even flinch. She was constantly on guard but she knew a threat when she saw one and never reached for her blaster unless the danger was immediate. A little spark was hardly worth getting up for. She told Bodhi this but he didn't seem to appreciate it.
He grumbled and cursed under his breath, a little embarrassed by his frightened yelp and unnerved by Mara's composure. "We were teammates. Us and a few others," he said, still shaking out his hand. "I don't really know if that makes us friends."
"What others?" Mara asked, so Bodhi told her about his teammates, how he'd met them on Jedha and joined the Rebellion that day. He told her about Jyn's bravery, Cassian's dedication, Chirrut's faith, and Baze's loyalty. He even told Mara about the curmudgeonly K-2, feeling his heart lift when he made her laugh. He didn't know what had changed to make her so amicable all of a sudden, perhaps she'd simply resigned herself to the fact that she wasn't going anywhere without him. She certainly didn't seem like the kind of person who liked to be helped. Or perhaps, he thought, she just wasn't used to it.
"I haven't seen them in a while though," he said, thinking of Chirrut and Baze. He spoke to them every so often, a few quiet words between people who'd fought and almost died together. In fact, he hadn't seen them since they told him they planned to go back to Jedha. Bodhi wondered if that had been a conscious decision on his part. "Maybe we're not friends after all." He said softly, looking up at her as if to ask her opinion, but Mara could only shrug.
"I wouldn't know." Bodhi frowned at her and she knew she'd have to keep going. "I don't really have... Friends." She spoke hesitantly, struggling to hold his gaze. Now it was Mara's turn to be embarrassed. "My duty comes first," she added quickly. She hated feeling like she had to explain herself but Bodhi was looking at her with those big, sad eyes again and something in her gut twisted.
"Surely you have some friends?" Bodhi wasn't trying to be rude but he couldn't believe that someone like Mara had no one. As terrifying as she was, he thought she was marvellous. He'd never admit it but Bodhi was more than a little bit in awe of this ferocious warrior who could take out three huge, armed men with two broken ribs and still have the energy left over to shout at him. "What about the other Royal Guards?"
"We're a team but we're not close, not like that." Mara knew her soldiers well but from what she'd seen of other people's lives, she didn't think they were friends at all. Out of all of them, she trusted Trew, her lieutenant, more than anyone else in the world, but Mara didn't know her: her likes, her dislikes, her family, her past. She didn't know these things about anyone apart from the princess, but it had been drummed into Mara since she was a child that she and Leia could never be friends.
Mara wanted to voice these thoughts but a sickening thought stopped her. All her soldiers were gone. The Royal Guard of Alderaan were supposed to be unstoppable. They were probably still lying dead on the blockade runner. In all her years as captain, no soldier had ever died in combat, but the Empire had mown them down one by one like it was nothing. It finally dawned on Mara that she really was alone. "'Duty to others before duty to one's self'. That's what Bale says," she said quietly. If Bodhi saw a shift in her mood, he didn't mention it. Instead, he pulled a face and went back to the cables he'd got himself tangled up in.
"No offence but Bale sounds like a bit of a bore."
Mara raised her eyebrows at him, her overwhelming loneliness forgotten for the moment. "That's almost treasonous."
Bodhi snorted. "Go on, then. Arrest me. See if I care." He was throwing her own words back at her. It was childish and he knew it but Mara had kidnapped him, he thought he'd earned the right to be a little cheeky.
Mara tried to hold back a smile, she really did, but then he looked up and grinned at her and she just couldn't help herself. She looked away, biting back a grin of her own. Bodhi was about to tease her about it but then her face suddenly fell. She froze, eyes locked on the horizon.
"Bodhi," she murmured, her back straightening. That was when he knew something was wrong. His name sounded so strange coming from her lips, she'd only used it a few times. Bodhi stopped tightening the last valve he was working on and stood on his toes so that he could peer over the wing. In the distance, just appearing over the top of the largest sand dune, someone was watching them.
They couldn't see his face but Bodhi instantly recognised him. It was the Pitian from the market, he'd know him anywhere. He noticed that the man's arm was in a sling and allowed himself a proud little smile. Mara had obviously recognised him too because she stayed still as a statue, watching the man like a startled animal. They stared at each other, waiting for the other to move first. Then two more figures joined the first, then another four.
Bodhi felt a chill of fear seep over his skin in spite of the unforgiving heat. Mara was in no fit state to fight, not that that would stop her, but it had only been three men in the market yesterday. Bodhi watched as more and more towering Pitians rose over the top of the dune. There were about a dozen of them now. Even from a distance, he could see that each one of them carried a weapon. One had a blaster that resembled a small cannon.
Bodhi fearfully looked up at Mara, waiting to see what she'd do. She was weighing up their situation, doing a hundred calculations inside her head, considering whether it was worth fighting. Their options were very, very limited. They had one blaster, a broken ship, one highly-skilled though debilitated officer, and Bodhi, a stolen pilot. She didn't have to think about it for very long.
"Take this."
She pressed their only blaster into Bodhi's hand, her eyes fixed on the horizon. He took it gingerly, surprised by its weight. He really had no idea how to use a blaster, he'd never even held one before. Mara began to get to her feet. "Wait, what am I-"
"Get down!"
She shoved him so hard that he fell backwards. Bodhi was about to complain about being knocked onto his arse but a second after he hit the sand, a bolt caught the wing of the shuttle just inches from where he'd been standing.
Mara jumped down beside him, one hand pressed to his chest to keep him still. They were coming. "Can it fly?" Her question was drowned out by another blast hitting the ship. Metal shrieked but stayed intact.
A distant roar filled Bodhi's ears, the furious cries of the Pitians drawing closer. Mara grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "Bodhi, can it fly?" He shook his head quickly, only just managing to stammer through a response.
"I don't know! I think so?"
That was good enough for Mara. She counted to three then jumped up, pulling Bodhi to his feet. She guided him round the side of the shuttle, making sure he'd get inside first. Another blast whistled through the air before striking the side of the ship just above their heads and Bodhi suddenly came back to his senses. He scrambled across the sand, keeping low as they skirted around the ship, the forgotten blaster gripped tight in his fist.
"Get in!" Mara all but pushed him up the ramp, one eye on the small army of Pitians closing in. Once inside, Bodhi practically fell into the pilot's chair whilst Mara slammed the heel of her palm against the loading bay console. The wait for the ramp to reel in was agonising. Mara was stood right inside the open door of the ship, in full view of the men running towards them.
She reached for her blaster but remembered that she'd given it to Bodhi. Why the hell had she done that? A blast hit the doorframe then another screeched past her into the shuttle, leaving a scorch mark and a very worrying dent in the wall. "Bodhi!" She called, urging him to hurry up.
Bodhi was, at that moment, praying. He flipped switch after switch, firing up the engines he hoped were working. One Pitian got close enough to touch just as the ramp receded and Mara jabbed the button for the door in a panic. Bodhi felt the ship rumble as it prepared for take-off, breathing in a sigh of relief when a hundred colourful lights sprang into life across the console.
Mara heard fists bang against the side of the ship then suddenly the whole thing lurched upwards. She just managed to grab onto the doorframe as the shuttle rose off the desert floor, whining and grumbling but definitely working.
Bodhi felt rather than saw Mara slump into the co-pilot's seat, his eyes never leaving the console. He steered them up and up and up until there was enough space between them and the ground to round up the thrusters and propel them at a dizzying angle. Mara clutched onto the armrests, gritting her teeth as the g-force pressed her into the seat. She didn't even have time to worry that the ship might not make it through the atmosphere; before long they were free of Boz Pity's harsh grip and out amongst the stars again.
Bodhi flipped a final switch then fell back into his seat. He closed his eyes, his mouth hanging open as he dragged air back into his lungs. He hadn't felt such a rush of adrenaline since Scarif; his body had forgotten how to process it all. Beside him, Mara was just focusing on keeping her breaths long and slow for fear of antagonising her already aching ribcage. She looked across at her pilot and watched him wipe a hand down his face, simultaneously exhausted and thrilled by what had just happened. Bodhi was smiling. He hadn't felt so alive in a long time. Once he'd got his breath back, he reached forward and flicked off the autopilot.
"We'll have to land on the next planet, I don't think we'll get far like this," he said, his voice still ragged from exertion. Mara closed her eyes, waving about a dismissive hand.
"As long as I get back to Alderaan as soon as possible."
Bodhi gripped the console wheel tight as he guided them away from Boz Pity. He could feel his pulse beating hard at the wrist of his left hand, still unnerved when he felt nothing in the metal prosthetic that took up three-quarters of the right, even after weeks of physiotherapy.
Every so often, the ship whined mysteriously and they tensed, preparing for another crash landing. Bodhi took comfort in the fact that if there was something wrong, it would've happened almost immediately after take-off. After an hour passed without incident, he knew they were probably fine. He tried to explain this to Mara but she didn't seem to find it so reassuring.
She was still slumped in the same position she was in when they left Boz Pity. It was a surprisingly comfortable seat but Mara was also in far too much pain to move. She gazed out at the passing nebulae, one hand still pressed to her ribs.
"Do you miss home?"
Bodhi's question startled her, neither of them had spoken in over an hour but it was also a strangely trivial thing to ask after all they'd been through. She tore her gaze away from the viewscreen and saw him glancing between her and the flashing console. Was he making small talk? Mara smiled to herself. "More than anything."
"I've never been to Alderaan. What's it like?"
No one had ever asked her that before but Mara knew exactly how to answer. She loved her planet dearly, so much so that she was willing to die for it. Alderaan appeared as a blue-green marble from a distance, a beautiful planet encompassed by huge stretches of ocean and towering, snow-capped mountains. The Cloudshape Falls of the north and the eastern Isatabith rainforest were the envy of the Core, drawing in travellers from across the system. Bustling cities nestled between these wonders, metropolitan but respectful of the natural environment.
As she described her home, Bodhi turned in his seat to face her, unashamedly enraptured by her description. As a boy, he'd wanted to be a pilot because he loved the exhilaration of flying but he was also naturally curious. He'd wanted to explore all he could of the galaxy, but he'd found that it was a lot bigger than he ever could've dreamed of. Mara smiled dreamily as she finished describing the white walls of the royal palace, how it gleamed against the snowy backdrop of the mountains.
"You'll see," she said softly, and Bodhi hoped she was right.
He still hadn't managed to fix the navigation system so they were practically flying blind. Fortunately, he'd flown these routes more times than he could count and had a fairly good idea of where they were, but it meant he had to pay attention. With one eye on the stars and the other on Mara, he asked, "And you work for the Queen?"
Mara nodded. She couldn't have been further away from home on Boz Pity. She couldn't wait to breathe the sweet, clean air of home again. Even more so, her heart ached to reach the lost princess. Breha would undoubtedly rally a whole armada when she learned what had happened, anything to get Leia back. When she didn't respond, Bodhi didn't press the question. She'd already shown far more emotion than she was clearly used to, he understood if she suddenly drew the line. That's why it surprised him when Mara spoke at last, even though her voice was soft and low.
"I was six when Leia came to Alderaan."
Bodhi looked around and saw that she was watching his hands as they skirted across the console, so tired that she let her head slump onto her shoulder. She looked exhausted, even worse than he felt.
"My mother woke me up in the dead of night. She said we needed to see the Queen immediately. Something had happened but nobody would tell me what." Mara's gaze dropped to the floor. "I still don't know." She didn't know why she was telling him all this. Perhaps to explain? Bodhi had been so helpful, she supposed he deserved to know why she'd done it, why she'd taken him away from his friends and his home. "She was tiny and quiet, lying there in a cot someone had rushed to find. My mother looked at me and she said, 'Bail is her father. The Queen is her mother. But she is yours to protect for as long as you live'."
Mara's nostalgic smile slowly melted away. She felt sick whenever she thought about Breha, about what she might say when she learned what she'd done. A lifetime of service, her reputation, all that hard work, and it would all be gone in an instant. But more importantly, Leia was lost somewhere far beyond her reach, alone and frightened. Part of her didn't want to think about it but guilt forced her to relive every second aboard the blockade runner. She lay awake all night wondering what she could've done differently. It was tearing her apart inside.
"And I have."
Bodhi looked up sharply when Mara's voice cracked.
"Every second of my life has been devoted to keeping her safe." She scoffed, smiling sadly. "Not that she needs my help, Leia can look after herself most of the time. But I promised I'd never let anything happen to her."
At last, Mara met his gaze. She shook her head, her face drawn in such an expression of agony that Bodhi could hardly believe this was the same woman who kidnapped him.
"I don't know where she is, Bodhi," she whispered, not trusting her voice.
Once more, he was surprised to hear her say his name. He'd been stuck with titles and affiliations for so long, he missed being Bodhi, just Bodhi. He couldn't believe Mara, who acted so cold and distant and uncaring, was the first person in years to see him for who he really was. She shook her head again, anxiously pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.
"I've known her every day for the last nineteen years and now she's lost. I can't let her down."
Bodhi saw through the pain in her voice to the anger that lay beneath it. He believed that when she made a promise, she meant it, and he knew there was absolutely nothing anyone could do to stop her getting home. He pitied anyone who got in her way. Even Darth Vader himself would quake in his boots if he ever had the misfortune of running into Mara. Bodhi thought of his friends back on Yavin 4. He thought of the life he'd been trying to build there. He thought of his homeworld, considering how it no longer called to him like it used to. Then he looked at Mara, broken and anguished, wanting more than anything to get home.
"I'll help you."
Mara blinked at him, once, twice, wondering if she'd perhaps misheard him.
Bodhi nodded to himself, sure that he'd made the right decision. "I'll fix the ship as best I can and I'll take you to Alderaan."
Mara sighed, closing her eyes and settling back into her seat. She didn't mean to make him feel bad, she didn't want his pity, she just wanted to explain herself. "Bodhi, I know I was hard on you and I'm sorry but it's fine. You can just drop me off-"
"No, no, it's- That's not- I know I said that I wanted-" He spoke so quickly that he tumbled over his own words and he had to take a second to pause and collect himself. Mara still made him nervous, even now they were getting along. "I want to do this," he said firmly. "I want to help you."
Silence welled up inside their rickety little cargo ship once more, though it was considerably less tense now than their restless night. Mara stared at Bodhi. Her dark eyes seemed to see right through him. Neither of them spoke for a few moments until at last, Mara asked, "Why?"
He opened and closed his mouth several times but couldn't find the words. That was a bloody good question. He wished he could say it was for completely unselfish reasons. Bodhi did want to help her; it was a big galaxy and there were far worse people out there than those who attacked them on Boz Pity. To his own surprise, he found that he almost cared for Mara, or at least, he wanted her to get home, to complete her mission. He'd felt her desperation many times, he wondered how different his life might be if there had been someone to help him. But more than anything, Bodhi was an honest man. So he told Mara the truth, knowing that she'd appreciate it and would most likely see through a lie anyway.
"On Yavin 4, they won't let me fly." He gave a soft, semi-scornful laugh, gesturing around them. "After this, I doubt they ever will."
Mara felt a stab of guilt despite herself. She didn't mean to cause so much trouble; she hadn't been thinking at all, apart from about how to get to Leia as quickly as possible.
"If this is my last time, my last chance, then I want it to mean something."
Bodhi gave her a small smile she really didn't think she deserved.
"I want to help you." He laughed. "And, let's be honest, you do need me. Your lack of knowledge about the Outer Rims is frankly astonishing."
Mara allowed herself a half smile in response and Bodhi felt a small sense of victory knowing he'd made her laugh. They were quiet again for a moment, just looking at each other, feeling for the first time since they met that they had an understanding.
Bodhi looked away at last but only to adjust their course a few degrees. When he was done, he turned back to Mara and stuck out his hand. "Where you go, I go. Deal?"
He was using her words again, what she'd meant as an order turned into a gesture of friendship. Mara smiled, properly this time, as she shook his hand. "Deal."