The journey back to base seemed to stretch on for hours. The excitement and anticipation had made the time fly by when they first set out earlier that day, but now they were all desperate for a warm meal and their beds, the base could not have felt further out of reach. The rain beat an unsteady rhythm against the metal roof of the transporter, an endless droning that had irritated them at first but was now almost hypnotic.
All Mara could think about was Bodhi. The need to be near him was overwhelming, a feeling she'd only ever attributed to Leia before. She needed to know that he was alright, if he'd been seriously hurt. She needed to know that he was safe. There was an indescribable pulling sensation in her chest, telling her to get back to him. Mara wasn't sure what the feeling was but she had an idea and it frightened her.
Beside her, Rej was uncharacteristically quiet. In fact, he hadn't said a word since they boarded the transporter. He gazed down at the floor, his fingers drumming a silent rhythm against his thigh. He put on a brave face but the mission had had an effect on them all. Even the strongest person could be shaken. Mara looked around at the other Rebels who'd stayed behind to help.
Thess gazed emptily out at the storm beginning to build outside, his eyes following raindrops as they slithered down from the roof and dribbled off the edge of the door. Mara didn't know the names of the other two Rebels but one of them was the Togruta woman from her team. She had a deep cut across her forehead from a piece of debris that had flown from the explosion. She and the man sat next to her had fallen asleep against each other. The sight made Mara smile despite her exhaustion.
When they made it back to base, the storm had reached its height and now the rain that battered the transporter was almost deafening. Wind struck the sides, making the metal squeal and the whole vehicle shake. Mara gently shook the two sleeping Rebels awake and guided them towards the back of the transporter, waiting until they'd safely jumped down before she followed them out into the rain.
The moment she stepped out of the transporter, Mara was up to her ankles in thick, red mud that would undoubtedly permanently stain her clothes. The rocky basin that hid the base was completely dark apart from a square of light. It came from the open hangar door, a bright beacon beckoning them inside. A lone figure stood in the centre of the doorway, just a silhouette against the burning yellow light.
The scene was so familiar, memories washed over Mara like cold fog, so thick that she had to brush them away from her face. It was the same awful recollection that visited her when they were stranded on Boz Pity. At the time, it had only sparked the beginning of her understanding that the way she was raised, the things she went through, it wasn't her choice at all, it was a life chosen for her. Now, the memory was sickening.
As Mara and her companions trudged towards the base, she remembered the way the rain beat down on her back, just as it did now. Mara ran to her mother with outstretched arms and Helenia turned her away, disgusted, telling her that she was soaked and filthy, that she should get changed so they could discuss what she'd done wrong. Just like when she was a child, Mara could hardly walk from the bruises and burns that littered her body but she kept going, heading towards the square of light.
The figure began to move, making its way towards them despite the torrential storm. It took a matter of moments for Mara to realise who it was. Bodhi. He was alright, he was safe. He was running right towards her.
"Mara!" He called out to her, her name almost getting swept away by the winds.
Her heart swelled at the sight of him. She'd never been so happy to see anyone. Mara expected him to keep her at arm's length, just like her mother, just like everyone she'd ever known, but the moment she was within reach, Bodhi pulled her into a tight hug. She was soaked and freezing and covered in mud, but he held her close against him, so close that she could feel his heart beating. Then he was asking her hundreds of questions, holding her face between his hands as he looked her up and down.
"Thank the Force you're alright," he breathed a sigh of relief, grinning madly. Mara didn't think anyone had ever been so pleased to see her. "You must be freezing. Come inside, they're handing out caf. How's your head? What about your side? What happened to the temple?"
Mara didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Rejnian and the others, Bodhi swept her into the base and out of the rain before she could even answer one of his many questions. He didn't leave her side as he guided her through the hangar, to the command centre, then down the stairs to the medcentre. When they entered the room, they found Itzpalo tending to the Rebel they'd seen carried out of the temple on a stretcher. He lay unconscious on one of the gurneys but the monitor he was attached to registered normal vitals, he would be fine in a few hours.
The ward was tiny, barely larger than their room, and crammed with rudimentary medical equipment that seemed a little dated. The Rebellion didn't have the funds to stock a tiny medcentre that would only be in operation for a few weeks, so Itzpalo had to make do with what little she was given.
The moment the doctor saw the way Mara clutched at her side, she ordered Bodhi to leave the medcentre. There was barely enough room as it was, anyone who wasn't a patient would have to wait outside. What's more, Itzpalo had taken one look at Bodhi's anxious expression and their entwined hands and knew he'd be a hopeless nuisance until Mara got the all-clear.
Once he was gone, Itzpalo turned to her new patient with a serene smile. She asked Mara to sit on the empty bed and remove the top layers of her clothes. She wasn't the bashful type so Mara had no problem stripping down, but the rain had soaked right through her. The searing pain in her side already made it difficult to move but now her heavy clothes felt like a second skin. Mara attempted to push off her jacket a few times but had to bite back a pained cry with every movement. Before she could try again, Itzpalo was there by her side, carefully guiding her arms out of her sleeves.
Mara watched the doctor lay her uniform over the back of a nearby chair, even giving it a gentle pat for good measure, which she found incredibly endearing. Mara had no idea how her jacket had survived her journey but she was very glad that it did. Now that Alderaan was gone, her tattoo, her uniform, and Leia were all she had left of home.
Leia. The thought of the princess did not ignite the same anxious pressure in her chest that it used to. In its place glowed a fond, warm feeling. When Mara first set out to find Leia, it was because her life's purpose was to protect her, to keep her safe. But the princess was no longer a child, she was a Rebellion leader now. What if she didn't need protecting anymore? Mara chewed her lip, wondering why the thought of not being needed didn't seem as awful as it used to. She didn't feel the same desperate need to fulfil her duty, she just wanted to know that Leia was safe, and because after nineteen years by her side, she missed her. Mara supposed it was a nice feeling, really. If a little disconcerting.
Itzpalo hummed gently to herself as she set about gathering her equipment. While she waited, Mara glanced towards the door and saw that Bodhi had not gone far. She could see him pacing back and forth through the window in the medcentre door, but it was so high up that it meant she could only see his disembodied head roaming about. Mara began to smile at the sight but then Itzpalo stopped humming, her attention returning to her patient, and she felt her anxieties quickly return. She'd always hated medcentres, all that pain and suffering and panic compressed into one room, it was enough to make anyone afraid, but Itzpalo's touch was gentle and her voice soothing. Mara soon forgot her fear.
After Itzpalo helped her out of her shirt, Mara tried to sit up straight so that the doctor could see better but the action caused her skin to stretch and she let out a strained cry. Sudden movement by the door caught Mara's attention. Bodhi had stopped pacing, his worried face now practically pressed against the glass, but when he saw that she was stripped down to her underwear, he quickly averted his gaze and went back to pacing. Mara smiled to herself, finding his embarrassment amusing.
Itzpalo warned her to stay still then dabbed an antibiotic ointment against her burnt skin. Mara winced, biting back a groan. She didn't want to look weak in front of the doctor but more importantly, she didn't want to worry Bodhi. As the pain sank from a harsh clawing sensation to a low throb, Mara damned the stormtrooper that hit her. This was by no means the worst wound she'd suffered during her time as a Royal Guard (a particularly close-call with some Hidrioms when she was just a cadet sprang to mind) but it was certainly one of the most painful.
After the antibiotics came the cold, soothing bacta gel. Mara could hardly contain her relief as Itzpalo poured the stuff onto her wound. In a few days, she would be completely healed. Mara didn't mind the pain. Even if the burn had been worse, even if she'd died in those mines, it would've been worth it. She'd rather suffer this than live with the knowledge that she could've saved Bodhi's life and failed.
She looked towards the door again to find that he still hadn't left. Mara didn't have the energy to try and ignore the warm feeling that awakened in her chest when she realised that Bodhi wanted to make sure she was safe. Itzpalo had warned him that her treatment might take a while, she suggested he go get something to eat or check on his friends, but Bodhi hadn't let Mara out of his sight since she arrived back at the base and he certainly wasn't going to leave her now.
He looked remarkably well considering what he'd been through. Mara remembered their first day together on Boz Pity, the first time she saw the scrapes and burns that ran down the right side of his body, the patches of skin bordered by raw scars earned in the awful, blood-soaked battle on Scarif. He wasn't as shy and gentle as people thought he was, Bodhi had seen war and death and come out of it stronger and more loyal than she deserved. The first time they met, his eyes were stern and guarded, hiding the softness that lay behind them. Now his face was an open book. Bodhi was worried about her. No one had ever worried about her before.
"How is he?"
Itzpalo looked up from her work to see Mara watching the medcentre window. She scoffed and shook her head, turning her attention back to the bandage she was unravelling between her hands.
"Bodhi's fine. I told him he might need a few days rest but I doubt he'll listen."
Mara laughed at that. Yes, that sounded like Bodhi. Itzpalo tapped her shoulder, bringing her attention back. She asked Mara to lift her arms up so that she could wrap the bandage around her middle, sealing the restorative bacta gel beneath it.
"It's you I'm worried about," the doctor went on, stretching her arms out to guide the bandage around and around her body.
Mara shook her head, gritting her teeth as she tried to block out the pain. "I'll be fine. I've had worse."
"Oh, your injuries will clear up in a few days." Itzpalo made sure the bandages were fastened properly then went to wash her hands in the sink. "I'm more afraid of what your partner's going to do to you."
Mara blushed at the term she used. She wasn't sure how else would be appropriate to refer to Bodhi but 'partner' felt a little too intimate. "What? Why?" She asked, hoping her voice didn't sound as strangled as she thought it did. Itzpalo looked back at her over her shoulder and Mara found herself marvelling at how two people from two very different cultures, planets, and systems could understand the same pointed look.
Itzpalo flicked her hands sharply to shake the water from them then grabbed a towel. As she dried her hands, she leaned back against the sink and nodded her head. Mara wondered what she was gesturing at but then the door slid open. Bodhi hurried inside, moving so quickly that his feet barely touched the floor. He was hardly within a few feet of Mara when Itzpalo said,
"No yelling in my medcentre."
Mara thought that would make Bodhi laugh but he didn't even smile. His gaze was stern, his jaw set. She'd never seen him look so severe. He kept his eyes on the floor when he realised she was still shirtless but instead of looking embarrassed like he did earlier, his furious expression didn't shift. Mara self-consciously moved her arms in front of her, covering her chest and the faded scars that patterned her skin. She was not ashamed of the cuts and scrapes she'd collected over the years, they were signs that she'd fought her hardest to protect the Royal Family, but this was the first time any man had seen her like this. And not just any man, Bodhi. She tried to convince herself that she didn't care what he thought, but her thudding heart betrayed her.
On her way towards the door, Itzpalo handed her a large towel. The doctor warned Mara not to move too much before she left them to it. The silence that fell on them after the door shut behind her was devastating. It had never been like this between them. Their silences were always comfortable. How many hours had they spent in Sotoo just sitting side by side, watching the stars sail by? Mara couldn't figure out what had changed.
She pulled the towel around her shoulders. The bacta gel was already starting to work but it did little to dull the pain and she felt as if someone had driven a knife into her side. Mara looked up when she felt Bodhi pull the corners of the towel around her shoulders, pushing them gently into her hands. He was so close, his hips brushed her knees. Mara was suddenly reminded of their night on Tanaab, when he'd wrapped a blanket around her to save her from the cold. She felt his metal fingers brush hers and felt her face heat up the way it always did when they got this close. Mara opened her mouth to speak but she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. Bodhi saw her hesitate and sighed, moving away again.
"I'm so-" He cut himself off and began to pace again, moving back and forth in front of the bed.
Mara watched him for a few moments but began to grow dizzy after a while. "You're what?"
"I'm so- I'm so angry with you!"
"What? Why?"
He stopped and stared at her like she was missing something completely obvious but Mara had no clue what he could possibly be upset about.
"Because! Mara you- You pushed me out of the way!"
Mara realised he was talking about the incident with the stormtrooper. It was a fairly stupid thing to do, she knew that. Her side still burned as if she'd only just been hit, but all her training had taught her how to put herself between an attacker and the person she was supposed to protect. Mara could only shake her head.
"I don't understand."
"What don't you understand, Mara? You could've been killed!" Bodhi's voice cracked and suddenly her amusement faded.
Mara shook her head slightly, she couldn't understand why he was upset. "It's my job, Bodhi. What am I if I can't protect you? Or anyone?"
"Not 'what', 'who'. You're more than your duty, Mar! A-And I care about you too much to just..."
He turned his face away, his jaw clenched. He looked like he was trying to push down his emotions before they got the better of him, but she could see that his eyes were starting to shine. Oh. Now she understood. Mara had been taught that her life was worth very little, that Royal Guards had to protect their charges at all costs. She didn't have to think twice about putting herself between Bodhi and the stormtrooper.
"Bodhi..." She didn't mean to whisper his name. Mara didn't know why, but suddenly her heart felt heavy as lead.
He shook his head, still finding it hard to meet her gaze. "Mara, you were- you were lying there and I didn't know what to do. I- I thought you were... I thought..." To Bodhi's own embarrassment, his voice caught in his throat and his last word was almost lost.
Mara didn't know what to say. No one had ever worried about her before. No one had ever been angry at her for putting herself in the line of fire. No one had ever cared about her the way that Bodhi cared about her. "Bodhi, it's alright. I'm alright," she whispered, searching his face for answers to questions she wasn't brave enough to ask. "I'm alright."
Bodhi's face began to feel hot, his chest tight. He tried to take in a deep breath to ease the pressure but it shuddered through him. Tears stung his eyes, blurring his view of Mara as she slipped off the medcentre bed. He tried to stop her, she shouldn't be walking yet, but his voice wouldn't work. Mara stepped closer, letting the tight feeling in her chest guide her.
Bodhi wanted to apologise, to explain, but it almost felt like his tongue was too heavy. But it was alright, he didn't need to say anything. Mara understood. He sighed when he felt her hands gently hold his face, her thumbs brushing away his tears. Bodhi closed his eyes, no longer ashamed. He curled his fingers around hers, pressing her palms closer to his cheeks as he pulled in a shaky breath. He heard her murmur something, her voice gentle and low. She kept repeating those words, 'it's alright, it's alright, we're safe'. He looked at Mara, really looked at her. Her dark eyes were soft and there was something about them, something about her gaze that made his poor heart lighter.
"Please, Mara. Don't ever do that again. Please," he whispered. He'd lost his home, his family, even a part of him in this fight, and maybe it would be worth it in the end if they stopped the Empire, but nothing was worth losing her.
Mara could hardly hold his gaze. The way he looked at her, the way he said her name. Never in her wildest imagination did she ever think that someone might care about her the way that Bodhi did. He took her hands in his, moving them away from his face and holding them against his chest. Then he began to smile.
"Thank you for saving my life. Again."
A spark of his seemingly unshakeable charm alighted behind his eyes. Mara mirrored his cheeky grin with a smile of her own, though there was still something holding her back, a guilt gnawing away at the back of her mind. "If I didn't force you out here, you wouldn't have been in danger in the first place." She still felt awful about what she did, taking Bodhi away from his friends and the first real safe place he'd known in years, and for what? A fool's errand that had left them battered and bruised and world-weary.
At the start of her journey, Mara reassured herself that the struggle would be worth it if it meant finding Leia safe and sound. But all she'd managed to do was drag Bodhi halfway across the galaxy and back again without anything to show for it. Some Royal Guard she was. She was supposed to protect people, but she'd brought Bodhi nothing but pain.
"That's true." Bodhi's teasing grin disappeared when he realised that Mara wasn't kidding. She truly did feel terrible about what she'd done. Bodhi let go of her hands, feeling his chest tighten when she immediately grabbed the corners of the towel and crossed her arms, closing herself off from him once more. He glanced over his shoulder, making sure that they wouldn't be interrupted anytime soon.
He could see Itzpalo leaning against the wall across the hall from the medcentre. She was tapping something into her datapad, her attention drawn elsewhere. Bodhi turned back to Mara and drew in a calming breath. He was just as bad at expressing himself as she was, he wanted to make sure he got this right. "Mara..." The sound of her name made her meet his gaze again and he drew strength from her. "I was... I was terrified when you met me. Not of you. Though, obviously, yeah, you were pretty scary."
"Great speech, flyboy," Mara cut in, giving him an incredulous look. Bodhi rolled his eyes, wondering if he would ever have the upper hand in their conversations. When his smile faded, Mara realised that he was trying to tell her something important. As much as her nervous heart was telling her to change the subject before things became too maudlin, she forced herself to listen, to be there for Bodhi as he'd been there for her.
"I was terrified of everything. The things that I've been through, they..." He trailed off, letting the thought hang in the air between them. He didn't have to describe the terrible things he'd seen. Mara knew only too well. She'd seen them too. "I was so lonely. But you reminded me of what it was like before…" Before Scarif, he wanted to say, before he was frightened of everything, before he was so angry at the galaxy. But he didn't say that, he wasn't sure how. "I'm not afraid anymore because of you."
Mara began to smile, so incredibly touched by his words that she forgot about her pain and the long journey ahead of them. His tone was different, he was so certain of himself, something that rarely happened. Bodhi gestured awkwardly with one hand, his gaze switching nervously between her eyes and the floor.
"So no more of this 'kidnapped you at knifepoint' stuff. Sometimes we have choices in life and sometimes we don't. Alright?"
It was not the first time that he'd thrown her own words back at her, but it was perhaps the most meaningful. Mara really couldn't figure out what she'd done to deserve his forgiveness. An anger lay beneath Bodhi's skin, never a violent or explosive anger, but sometimes when he got particularly emotional, he began to stammer and he spoke even faster than he usually did. She'd seen it before, how his hands curled into fists and his eyes suddenly grew even darker. Bodhi had been through so much and he was still so young. Oppressed and subjugated and tortured, and yet despite everything, despite all the pain and the loss, it had made him kind.
"Alright," Mara said, and for perhaps the first time in her life, she smiled without having to think about it.
Bodhi laughed quietly, nervously, enjoying the way her face softened and relaxed at last. The sound speckled her entire upper body with goosebumps, though Mara tried to convince herself that it was from the rain and the cold base. When she shivered, Bodhi noticed immediately. He gently pulled the blanket from her fingers to lift it and wrap it closer around her body. His hand rested against her side, holding the corner of the blanket there for a moment longer than he needed to.
"Alright," he said after a moment, happy that they'd reached an agreement. "Now, please, for my sake, get back on that bed." For once in her life, Mara did as Bodhi asked her.
The medcentre door hissed open, making them both jump. Bodhi turned to find Deffan standing in the doorway, flanked by Itzpalo and Rejnian, who flashed Mara a cheeky grin which she rolled her eyes at.
"Rook, there's a debriefing in the command centre." Deffan patted the doorframe and took a step back, ready to lead him upstairs. But Bodhi shook his head.
"I'm staying with Mara," he said.
Mara rested her hand on his forearm, both to get his attention and to reassure him. She'd seen the way his shoulders stiffened the moment the door opened, how he seemed to bristle at the sight of his new friends. They reminded him of the war, just looking at them made his heart begin to pound, the tang of iron on his tongue.
"It's alright. Go." Mara squeezed his arm, trying to comfort him, but Bodhi almost scoffed at the thought of going with Deffan.
"I'm never leaving you again," he said, turning back to Mara. He forced a smile, trying to disguise how anxious he truly felt at the thought of leaving her, but his jaw was tense, his gaze rigid.
Mara glanced down and saw that his free hand had drawn back into a fist. She leaned closer, ducking her head slightly so that she caught his gaze and held him there. "I'll still be here when you get back," she murmured, speaking so quietly that only Bodhi could hear her. He seemed to relax then, or at least, his tense shoulders slumped.
All their time together in their cramped little shuttle meant that being without Mara now made him restless, but when he woke up in the back of a transporter and learned that they'd left her behind, he flew into a frenzy. Bodhi ordered the driver to turn the vehicle around, he would not leave her, he would never go where Mara couldn't follow. It had taken Deffan several minutes to calm him down and assure him that Mara would be right behind them with Thess and the others.
When they arrived back at base and Itzpalo had given him the all-clear, Bodhi hurried to the hangar and watched every transporter that drove in, searching for Mara's face amongst the crowds. He had to keep reminding himself that she was fine, that she could look after herself. When he finally saw Mara step off the transporter, he forgot everything, his mind suddenly blank. He'd only just got her back, the thought of leaving her again terrified him.
Mara squeezed his arm again, giving him a reassuring smile. Something had changed in her, something that made Bodhi's heart thud. She was looking at him, really looking at him for the first time, her mind on the here and now, and not Leia, or Alderaan, or her duty. Mara was seeing him and only him, her mind and heart full of him and him and nothing but him. Was this what love looked like? Bodhi felt his entire body slump. He knew he must look like a bit of an idiot but he didn't care and neither, it seemed, did Mara. She saw him unwind before her eyes, physically and mentally, and felt her own fears settle with him. They would be alright.
"I'll look after her, if you like?" Rejnian piped up from the doorway.
Bodhi exhaled sharply, shaking his head in exasperation while Mara closed her eyes, so overwhelmed with irritation that she had to take a few moments for herself.
Itzpalo took a step forwards, putting herself between Rej and her patient. "I'll look after her."
Bodhi still didn't feel completely comfortable leaving Mara but then he felt her take his hand and turned to find her smiling. She was safe, she was happy, that was all that mattered. He nodded, more to himself than to Mara, then straightened up, ready to leave.
"How're you feeling? Are you sure you're gonna be alright if I go?"
"I think I'll survive." Mara scrunched up her face to accompany her sarcasm. She'd been through so much, she could last five minutes without his company.
Bodhi smiled but it did little to hide how much he truly did not want to leave her, how his gut twisted at the thought of not being by her side. His hand left hers slowly, perhaps too slowly, his reluctance clear. Bodhi paused, as if he were taking one last affirming look at her, before turning away to leave.
But he couldn't. Something stopped him at the very last moment. He turned back to face her and before doubt could cloud his thoughts, Bodhi leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to her forehead, his hand gently holding her cheek. It held more meaning than he cared to think about, at least for the moment. When he pulled back, he saw that Mara's jaw had gone slack and only just stopped himself from kissing her properly. Instead, he flashed her a shy grin, letting his thumb slowly sweep across her cheek before he moved away.
"See you in a bit," he said softly, glancing down at her once more before he turned away and walked out of the door.
Mara stared after him. For as long as she could remember, her mind had been a whirring, sparking racket; a tapestry of how to protect Leia, a thousand different protocols, fears from her childhood, fears of the future, Maker, so much fear, but now, her mind was silent at last. Suddenly, everything was slow and calm and gentle. Her heart was pounding so hard, she felt like her body could barely contain it. Mara resisted the urge to reach up and brush her fingers over the spot where Bodhi had kissed her, but she could not hold back her bashful, delighted smile.
"Maker, you guys are adorable."
Mara's elated expression deflated. In her happy little haze, she'd forgotten that she wasn't alone. Rejnian was still stood leaning against the doorframe with a wide grin. Before she could retort, Itzpalo stepped through the medcentre door and shut it behind her, locking Rej out in the hallway. His affronted cry was cut off when the door hissed shut. They could see his mouth moving in the circular window but couldn't hear anything through the thick glass. When Rejnian finally gave up and walked off to attend the debriefing, Itzpalo turned to her patient and smiled.
"No need to thank me."
Just as Bodhi promised, he wasn't away for long. Thess kept the debriefing short, he knew that his soldiers could not care less about whatever few, final words he could scrape together. It was late, they just wanted to go to their rooms, get under their covers, and shut off the world for a little while. Lying alone in their beds was the only real time the Rebels had to themselves, a rare moment of peace, a reprieve from the horror that surrounded them daily. Thess would not deny them that.
He thanked his soldiers for their hard work, sparing a few moments' thoughtful silence for the three soldiers they'd lost in the fight. Pirrin Farr. Alo Silve. Lara D'Eque. Bodhi didn't recognise their names but he bowed his head with his companions, praying that the Force would guide their spirits safely.
When he returned to the medcentre, his exhaustion seemed to slip away. Every step closer to Mara brought him strength, purpose, peace. He spotted her through the window in the door first. She was gazing down at the floor, her legs swinging gently over the side of the gurney. He remembered the way Mara looked on Boz Pity, so tired and broken but still determined to get home at whatever cost. That ferocity had not dimmed despite all she'd been through, Bodhi knew that Mara would fight tooth and nail to protect the people she cared about, that she was still as stern and stoic as she was the night they met, but looking at her now, he could see that the pressure had eased, if only a little. She was still Alderaan's fierce Captain Verbanti, but now she was allowed to be Mara too.
The door whooshed shut behind him and Mara looked up. On Boz Pity, she'd scowled and sneered. Tonight, she greeted him with a bright smile.
"How's my fearless warrior?" Bodhi kept his voice low, Itzpalo's other patient was still asleep on the other side of the room. Mara's smile grew crooked, embarrassed.
"Bodhi," she tried to sound stern but her voice was gentle, betraying how happy she was to see him.
Bodhi smiled fondly at her as he reached the hospital bed. He liked the way she said his name. Everyone was always so determined to call him something else, Bo, Rook, pilot... The list was endless. Even Mara couldn't help herself sometimes, although he also liked the way she teasingly called him 'flyboy'. It meant she was in a good mood, it meant she was happy, that he'd made her happy. But he couldn't put into words just how wonderful it felt whenever she called his name. It's all he'd ever wanted to be, just Bodhi. Mara's clipped, terse way of speaking softened whenever she said it, how could he not enjoy that?
"How'd the meeting go?"
"Oh, boring. Don't worry, you didn't miss anything."
"I s'pose we're not getting back to Yavin 4 tonight, then?"
"Not tonight, not with you like this." Mara opened her mouth to protest but Bodhi was gentle yet firm. "As soon as Itzpalo is happy for you to fly, we'll go."
"I hope that's soon. I'm getting tired of this rain."
"Better than Boz Pity though."
"Anything is better than Boz Pity."
The bitterness in her tone made Bodhi chuckle. Looking around, he realised that the doctor was not in her medcentre. A frown creased his forehead, Itzpalo had promised to keep an eye on Mara while he was away. When he asked about her, Mara told him that she'd found out Itzpalo hadn't eaten since that morning and practically forced her to get some dinner. That made him feel a little better but Bodhi still didn't like the idea of Mara being left on her own, not like this.
He quietly warned her to shuffle down the bed then turned and hopped up onto the gurney beside her, making the metal frame squeak. Mara felt the thin mattress dip and tried not to think about how close they were but his side was completely pressed against hers. His clothes were soaked and filthy too, so he'd stripped down to his black vest while he dried off. His sleek, pliable cybernetic arm was pushed against her left, the metal cool against her skin. It seamlessly melded into his upper arm, his shoulder contrastingly warm.
"Does it hurt?" She heard herself ask.
"Does what hurt?" Bodhi looked down to find her studying his prosthetic. "Oh. No, not anymore. Not really. Sometimes I forget it's there, though. It's still a bit of a shock. I've only had it a few weeks."
"Why didn't they give you synthflesh?" Mara reached out and ever so slightly brushed her fingertips over the smooth black metal.
Bodhi wished he could feel her but there was only a numbness that he still wasn't completely used to. "They were going to. They wanted to make sure that the prosthetic was working properly first. The medcentre on Yavin 4 isn't exactly state-of-the-art, I think they were worried it'd go haywire." He waved his right hand, making his new fingers bend and wriggle.
Mara smiled to herself, admiring how smoothly the cybernetics moved, almost like they were made of real flesh and bone. Then a thought took form in her head, an awful pang of guilt. "So, if you hadn't taken me home-"
"Tried to anyway," Bodhi scoffed, making the tightness in Mara's heart ease just a little.
"If you hadn't gone with me," she tried again. "You would have the synthflesh by now."
Bodhi seemed to consider this for a moment whilst Mara waited in terrible, remorseful silence. "It's alright," he said eventually. "I don't think I would've liked it much, anyway."
Mara scoffed and gave him a look, sure that he must be trying to make her feel better.
"No, honestly!" Bodhi laughed at her expression. "I think it'd make the shock worse if it looked like nothing had happened. And I think it's a reminder of how close I came to..." His smile faded a little, his voice growing fainter as memories and nightmares seeped out of their hiding places, dipping their claws into his mind.
Mara watched his eyes turn glassy and wondered what she could say to make him feel better, but before she could do anything, Bodhi was back in the room.
"Besides, I think it adds character." When Mara didn't smile at his joke, he nudged her side, though only gently, afraid that he might anger any lingering bruises or cuts she might've sustained. "C'mon, what's more attractive than a defected Imperial pilot with a gammy arm?"
At last, Mara cracked a grin, surprising even herself. She shook her head slightly, trying to stay cross with herself and him but she was unsuccessful. Bodhi always made her happy. When she finally straightened out her expression, Mara looked back to find him still smiling. It was a small, thoughtful look, but she thought maybe he was pleased that he'd got the best of her, so she nudged his side.
"What're you smiling about?"
Bodhi glanced at her, then away again, his smile only growing. "I think I dreamt about you."
She hadn't been expecting that. Bodhi spoke softly and seemed to be avoiding her gaze. Mara wondered if he was embarrassed.
"Must've been when I hit my head."
He tapped one long finger against his temple. Mara knew his hands grew restless when he was nervous. She considered this for a moment, and Bodhi thought he might've made her uncomfortable but then she asked,
"Was it a good dream or a bad dream?"
He smiled. "Good, I think."
"What happened in it?"
"Not much."
Mara glanced down and saw that his hands had stilled at last, he wasn't nervous anymore.
"We were just sitting by a lake. And all around us was green grass. Just you and me, and peace and quiet and fresh air." Bodhi could still picture the scene in his head, though the more he tried to reach for it, the more his dream slipped like sand through his fingers. He could still taste the sweet, clean air, and feel the soft grass beneath his bare feet. It was a far cry from his sun-stricken upbringing on Jedha, he could not picture a more perfect scene. For a moment, he thought he must've died and slipped into the next life. And Mara had been right there beside him, which funnily enough, he hadn't found the least bit surprising. It wouldn't be paradise without her. He was rather annoyed when Deffan and Itzpalo coaxed him awake, back into the much harsher real world.
He didn't look at her as he described his dream but Mara could see the faraway look in his eyes. His voice had a dreamy, soft quality to it. She found the incessant noise in the medcentre starting to fade away, her heart settling at last. Mara rather liked the sound of this serene place, so different from the life she knew. Somewhere she could rest her weary body and mind, somewhere that no one would find them. From what she'd seen of the galaxy over the last few weeks, she doubted such a place actually existed, but she hoped it did.
"Sounds nice," she said quietly.
Bodhi saw her smile to herself, then something passed over her face and her expression dissolved back into exhaustion and pain. "Are you alright?" he asked.
Mara forced a smile, nodding hurriedly. "Yeah," she said weakly, squaring her shoulders. Then her smile faded and Mara spoke honestly about her feelings for about the third time in her entire life. "No."
When Itzpalo came back from her quick dinner, she found her patients leaning against each other, half-asleep from exhaustion. Mara's head was tucked into Bodhi's shoulder, his head resting on top of hers, his arm wrapped protectively around her middle. Mara perked up the moment the doctor entered the room, her eyes sharp and clear, but Bodhi barely registered her arrival. The only sign that he was even still awake was his arm tightening protectively around Mara's waist. Itzpalo sent them off to bed, they both needed to rest, they'd certainly earned it.
They walked back to their little room without saying a word and the comfortable silence stretched on whilst they got ready for bed. Rej had very kindly leant Bodhi a shirt to change into but Mara had nothing but the clothes on her back, though she was honestly too exhausted to care. She just wanted to get under the covers and leave this awful day behind her.
As Bodhi shrugged out of his jacket, she saw that his soaked vest still clung to his skin. Mara swallowed at the sight of his lean body. He was so slim underneath all his layers, all wiry strength and battle scars, and she had to force herself to look away. Mara turned and shrugged off her own jacket but gasped when she moved a little too sharply, forgetting in her exhaustion that she had to be more careful. Bodhi was by her side in an instant.
"You alright?" His hands hovered by her waist, not wanting to touch her without permission but also ready to help her if she needed it.
Mara nodded as the pain surged with every throb, lessening each time. She pressed a hand to her stomach, to show him what hurt and to try and stem the pain. "It's fine. He had terrible aim. Only skimmed me." She tried to brush him off but Bodhi wasn't so easily convinced.
"Let me see."
His voice was soft as he put his hands on either side of her waist. Mara flinched, not from the pain but from being touched. She wasn't used to people caring about her. She wasn't used to people wanting to help her. She wasn't used to gentle things. Mara studied him closely, still on high alert despite all they'd been through. But why? Bodhi would never hurt her. She considered how warm his hands felt through her shirt and wondered how they'd feel pressed against her cold skin. Maybe she could allow herself to be more trusting.
Mara held his gaze as she slowly pulled up the side of her shirt, revealing the bandages Itzpalo had bound her with. She steadied her breathing and tried to think of anything other than his eyes on her.
"You look tired," she said, hoping to break the tension and to stop her mind wandering. His breath was warm on her neck as he laughed.
"Cheers." His fingers grazed her side, pulling gently at her bandages to make sure that she hadn't started to bleed through them.
"Well, no, you look good," Mara added quickly.
"Right."
His fingers were warm against her skin and highly distracting.
"You always look good."
"Okay."
"Just tired."
"Alright."
Something in his tone made her pause, then smile. "What?"
"I always look good?"
He looked up at her, that handsome half-smile beginning to make an appearance. Mara scoffed and looked away, putting on a show of exasperation to hide her shyness.
"You know what I mean," she muttered.
Happy that he wouldn't have to take her back to see Itzpalo, Bodhi straightened up, but he didn't move away. "I think you mean you think I'm handsome," he said, dipping his forehead closer to hers, his gaze now fixed on the floor. He was nervous, embarrassed even.
The rain was still falling, the howling wind making her shiver despite the layers of rock and metal that lay between them and the world outside. At least, she thought it was the wind. It could very well have been Bodhi's low voice, or the feeling of his breath on her skin.
"Come on," he said, thankfully bringing her out of her thoughts. "Into bed with ya."
Too tired to keep arguing, Mara did as she was told. Her eyes scratched every time she blinked and yet she could barely keep them open. As she sank into their bed and sleep gradually overwhelmed her, the thin mattress and jutting metal frame felt soft as a Wynnex bird's feather. Mara could feel Bodhi's warmth from across the bed, his body hardly a few inches from hers. She heard him sigh deeply and subconsciously copied him.
"I think Rej fancies you," Bodhi said after a few moments of pensive silence.
Mara clicked her tongue, feigning irritation. "No, he doesn't."
"Yeah, he does."
"Yeah, he does," she said, making Bodhi laugh. Mara chuckled too, opening her eyes to gaze up at the low ceiling. Now the lights were off, she couldn't see Bodhi but she could feel him, sense him. After weeks lying by his side, she knew it would be strange not to share a bed when they finally arrived back on Yavin 4. The thought made her strangely melancholy so she spoke again to keep her mind occupied with other things. "No one's ever fancied me before."
"That you know of," Bodhi said quietly.
Mara frowned and turned her head to look at him. She could only see the outline of his features but even through the shadows, she could still make out his wry, curious smile. She huffed, rolling her eyes as she shuffled down the bed to get more comfortable, but the movement caused her wound to stretch. Mara sucked in a sharp breath, pressing her hand against her stomach until the pain passed.
"You alright?" Bodhi asked, beginning to sit up but Mara waved him back down.
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just extremely painful."
Her tone made Bodhi smile, though his worry did not subside completely. "Serves you right for valiantly saving my life."
"Yeah, catch me doing that again." Mara let out a small, relieved sigh as the pain began to slip away again to a dull throb.
Bodhi watched her furrowed brow and tight jaw relax slowly until anyone would think that her pain was gone and Mara was fine, but he knew differently. He knew that she would prefer to suffer in silence rather than let anyone know that she hurting. Bodhi wished she'd let him in, he wished Mara would accept that he wasn't going anywhere, that he would do anything for her.
"Don't get me wrong," he murmured, feeling his heart stumble when Mara met his gaze. "I'm honoured that you'd throw yourself in front of a blaster for me but I don't think my nerves can take any more heroic deeds."
Mara allowed herself a small smile but for once, Bodhi didn't return it. She wouldn't make any promises, she would always put herself between Bodhi and anyone trying to hurt him, and she had a feeling he knew that too, so rather than lying just to make him feel better, Mara asked,
"How's your head?"
Bodhi's lips twitched. She was changing the subject, he knew it, she knew it, but Bodhi wouldn't push her, not tonight. They'd been through so much, he thought they deserved one night of reprieve, one night where he was just Bodhi, not the pilot, and she was just Mara, not the captain.
"S'alright." He ran a hand over his hair, his fingers getting caught in the tangles and knots he hadn't had time to see to. "It's my pride that's bruised. Was my fall as dramatic and ridiculous as I think it was?"
Mara gave him a wry smile. "It was pretty spectacular." Bodhi groaned and covered his face with his hands, while Mara laughed at his expense. She was surprised that she could look back on it with such lightness, at the time, she could hardly breathe as she watched Bodhi fall over the edge of the walkway. For a few moments, she truly thought she'd lost him. If she hadn't grabbed his ankle in time, he would've broken every bone in his body, or worse, he wouldn't be here right now. That was a sobering thought.
Mara swallowed thickly, pushing away the sickly feeling creeping up her throat. She would not allow her intrusive thoughts to overwhelm her, not tonight, not now. She just wanted to enjoy Bodhi's company and relish the knowledge that they were safe. She turned her head and watched Bodhi's eyes gently close only to open again a second later, like he was barely holding onto consciousness.
Part of her wanted to let him sleep but for once in her life, the small, selfish section of Mara's brain spoke far louder than the rest. She'd missed him, she'd worried about him all day, she couldn't say goodnight to him just yet. She wanted to be in his company just a little while longer. Floundering for something, anything to keep the conversation going, Mara brought up something she'd been meaning to ask for a while but had never found the courage to ask.
"Why don't you ever talk about home?" When Bodhi met her gaze, her courage wavered and Mara had to glance away. "You listen to me bangin' on about mine all the time," she added, hoping it would make him smile, which it did.
"I like listening to you talk," Bodhi said quietly.
His words made Mara's stomach go all stupid and fluttery so she was glad when Bodhi continued and she didn't have to think up a coherent response.
"Hurts to think about Jedha sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"All the time." Bodhi knew Mara still struggled under the weight of her grief for Alderaan. Even after all this time, he could hardly comprehend the idea that she was planetless. Losing the Holy City had been devastating but he could not imagine the loss she must have felt when Alderaan, all its history and its people, were taken from her. He still could not forget the look on Mara's face when she heard the news, how she'd screamed and wailed and beat the walls of Sotoo with her fists, the first real emotion she'd shown him. He wouldn't lie to her and say that she would get over it, but what he could offer her was understanding, the knowledge that she wasn't alone. "You just learn to get used to it."
Mara was quiet for a moment as she thought this over, then she asked, "What was it like? Growing up there?"
Bodhi was surprised that she'd be interested in something like that. Nobody had ever been interested in him. "Loud. Cold." He smiled to himself as he conjured an image of home in his head, so vivid that he could almost taste the air. "It only rained once every few years. When it did, people would throw these huge parties to celebrate. The Holy City was always filled with people: priests, scholars, holy men and women. I grew up near the city walls. Our house was small but there were only three of us, my mum and my sister and me."
Mara had been happily listening to Bodhi describe his home, just as he'd listened intently as she described her own all those weeks ago, but his last few words made her fond smile slowly fade away. "You have a sister?" Bodhi had never mentioned his family, she'd just assumed that he didn't have any. In the middle of this terrible war, it wasn't uncommon for people to have lost their homes, their loved ones, and now, even their planets. No one that Mara had come across had felt like talking about the ones they'd lost, she certainly couldn't bring herself to focus on Alderaan. She was also happily surprised that after all this time, she still had things to learn about him. That happiness soon depleted when Bodhi gave her a sad sort of smile.
"She died just before I left home." His voice was lower now, softer, only just above a whisper. He knew if he tried to speak up his voice would crack. "She was ill. We tried our best to look after her but when the occupation... We didn't have any money to..." He didn't need to explain, Mara understood more than most about loss, about sacrifice. Bodhi was glad because he truly didn't think he could keep talking about his family without crying. Mara didn't sigh pityingly, she didn't give him that irritatingly sympathetic look he'd grown all too used to, she simply nodded, waiting patiently for him to continue at his own pace. "In a way, I'm glad she died before she could see what happened to Jedha. Is that strange?"
"No, it's not strange," Mara whispered.
Bodhi looked across as her and felt his chest squeeze until it was almost uncomfortable. He'd never seen Mara look so relaxed or so gentle as she did now. Her eyes were soft, her lips pulled back in the tiniest of smiles. How could it be that Mara- who had always claimed that she didn't have any friends, who found emotions tricky to navigate and even harder to articulate- always understood how he felt, and made an effort to learn if she didn't. Bodhi let his gaze travel over her face, from her wild, dark hair down to the purple smudge of a new bruise on her jaw. He wondered if it hurt and barely resisted the urge to reach out and let his thumb sweep across it. She was so beautiful, the most wonderful person he'd ever met. Bodhi could feel his sore heart growing stronger and stronger just by looking at her.
"She used to climb in the back of my speeder and I'd take her around the city." Bodhi hurried to keep the conversation going, speaking so quickly that he practically tied his tongue into a knot. Mara was very close to him, so close that it was difficult to concentrate. He cleared his throat, trying to keep his voice level. "My illegal speeder."
Mara raised her head from the pillow, a surprised grin stretching across her face. "Bodhi Rook, you were a rebel from the start." The way she said his full name made Bodhi blush so terrifically that he had to hide his face, acting as if he was more tired than he was so that he could turn away while he faked a yawn.
"Me and my friends used to build them from scrap but they never ran very well. We were just messing around really."
"They sound fun, your friends."
"They were."
"Any long lost loves?"
Bodhi wasn't sure who was more surprised by her question, him or Mara. It had just slipped out, something that'd been sitting at the back of her mind for a long time. Mara wasn't even sure why she wanted to know, perhaps it was just simple curiosity? Bodhi had asked her a similar question in the past, it wasn't that strange that she was interested. At least, that's what she kept telling herself.
"Just the one, I think," Bodhi said. He saw interest flash across Mara's face and knew he'd never hear the end of it if he didn't elaborate. With a deep sigh, he continued. "There was this girl. Her father owned the junk shop that me and my friends would always go to for parts. She was absolutely terrifying. And she was so smart, she ran rings round all of us."
"I like the sound of her."
"I must have a thing for tough, sarky girls." Bodhi knew that he was pushing his luck. He watched, barely holding back an apology, as Mara's smile shrank then disappeared altogether. But rather than shy away and change the subject like he thought she might, Mara only rolled her eyes, looking uncharacteristically bashful.
"What happened?" She pressed on, hoping she didn't look as pleased as she felt. Bodhi's cheeky grin faltered a little. He was silent for a few moments and Mara thought she must've overstepped the mark. Bodhi shuffled onto his side so that he was facing her, although his gaze stayed firmly fixed on the small sliver of bedsheet left between them.
"When I was eighteen, I enlisted," he said quietly. "I wanted to be a starfighter pilot. And I had to leave."
"Do you still have feelings for her?"
"Maker, no."
Mara felt his breath brush her skin and swallowed hard, her bottom lip pulled nervously between her teeth.
"No, it was years ago. I was just a kid. But I had a friend, he liked her too. Way more than me, he was so in love. When I left for the Academy, I told him he should go for it. I think they eventually got married, actually." Mara was relieved when he began to smile again. "I entered the Terrabe Sector Service Academy and studied flight training for two years, but my test scores were awful and I didn't qualify for admission into the starfighter programme."
After the day they'd had, she thought it would be best to avoid any topics that would only make them sad. They'd survived yet another ordeal, misery could wait until another day. But although she thought he might not want to talk about the Empire, Bodhi seemed perfectly calm. What she didn't know was that this was the first time that Bodhi had been able to speak so candidly. He hadn't had the opportunity or the courage before, and he'd never trusted anyone the way he trusted Mara. He'd given away dribs and drabs to Cassian and Jyn and the others, but he'd never been able to tell his story, the whole story. Bodhi was glad he finally had someone to share it with.
"Can't say I'm sorry about that," she murmured, making Bodhi bark a scornful laugh.
"No, me neither. Two years later, I was an Ensign and eventually cleared to work in cargo shuttles. I remember, there was this one time- I think I must've been around Bestine- this group of Rebels came out of nowhere and tried to shoot me down. My shuttle was in flames but they still kept coming for me."
"How did you make it out of that?"
As if she'd flicked a switch, Bodhi's mind retreated from his memories and he suddenly wore the biggest grin. He sat up a little, resting his weight on his elbow.
"Mara, I'm offended. Don't you know? I'm the greatest pilot there ever was?"
Mara groaned, rolling her eyes so hard she almost strained herself. Bodhi laughed as she pulled their covers up over her head and turned away from him. He continued to lay it on thick until they were both laughing so hard that they forgot about their dismal situation.
"People sing songs about me! I have statues on every planet and ships named after me! I'm a war hero! Mar, I'm the pilot."
On the outside, they were chalk and cheese. Bodhi grew up on a poor planet in the Mid Rim. Life was hard, he had very little options and not much of a future. He joined the Empire out of necessity, to feed his family. At the same time, halfway across the galaxy, Mara grew up in a palace. Though she was far from royalty, she slept soundly every night in a bed of her own and knew that she was safe. But her life was hard too. They were both ruled by fear, that they would let their families down, that they would never be good enough. Though outwardly they were as different as different could be, they had the same sad look in their eyes, the same weight on their backs. And even though Mara didn't really believe in such a thing, she knew that whatever souls were made of, his and hers were the same.
After a while, their exhaustion took hold of them at last and they slowly drifted into their dreams. At first, all Mara knew was comforting darkness, then her subconscious warped and twisted into something far more sinister. Not a nightmare, but a memory.
The darkness bundled itself up in front of her eyes until it took the form of a monster in black, as it had so often since the princess went missing. Mara found herself running after Leia through endless white halls, the world blurred at the edges. Then Darth Vader swept his hand and Mara was trapped behind a wall of glass again. She punched and rammed the invisible barrier but it made no sound. She tried to speak but her voice echoed and pealed until it was indecipherable. All the while, she could see Leia being swarmed by stormtroopers. Vader was stood behind them, his impassive, gleaming mask all she could see.
Then the princess was gone and Vader lifted someone off their feet. It was Bodhi, he had him by the throat. Mara screamed but no sound came out. All she could hear was Bodhi spluttering and choking as Vader's grip tightened. Then the Sith Lord was gone and Bodhi was free, but he didn't come towards her. He held her gaze, saw her trapped and heard her call, but turned his back on her. Mara slammed her fists against the glass wall but Bodhi walked away without looking back.
Outside, the rain was still pounding down relentlessly but not enough to drown out her whimpers and heavy breathing. Bodhi thought he heard her whisper his name and was fully awake in an instant. Mara was panting, her forehead creased. For a moment, he thought she was in pain but then he realised that she was still dreaming. He wished he could take away her fear, he knew only too well that nightmares could follow you like a second shadow.
He remembered you weren't supposed to wake someone if they were having a nightmare but before he could think what else to do, Mara was awake. Her eyes shot open and her whole body jolted. She sat up on her elbows, her hands scrabbling at the thin sheets, her breathing laboured. Bodhi put an arm around her, hoping to calm her down and she clutched at him, her fingertips digging into his skin. At last, her eyes cleared. Mara stared at him for a few moments as if she couldn't figure out if he was real or if she was still dreaming. Then she let out a shaky breath.
"You're here," she said at last, her whispered voice heavy with disbelief.
Bodhi didn't know what to say, words failed him. All he could think to do was tighten his arm around her, pulling Mara closer until she lay against his chest. Her grip on his arm tightened, her eyes still wide and terrified, but her body seemed to relax as soon as it came into contact with his.
"You were hurt and then you left me and I tried calling for you but you didn't... You just kept walking and..." Mara knew she was babbling but her nightmare still had its hands around her heart and all she could think about was that Bodhi was here, Bodhi was safe, he was right here next to her, his chest against hers.
"We're safe. We're safe." He murmured the words into her hair, closing his eyes for a moment and letting her envelop his senses.
Mara felt her racing heart begin to slow as his words washed over her, Bodhi's gentle voice and the rain outside all she could hear.
"I'll never leave you. You're all I've got, Mara. You're all I've got." He pressed his lips to the top of her head. He could feel her unwinding beneath his hands, her shaking breaths evening out. Mara closed her eyes as his hand came to rest on the back of her head then slowly began to stroke her hair. "I won't leave you. I won't leave you."
Mara didn't remember much of what happened after that. They were both so tired, so strung-out, they just slipped in and out of sleep all night long. Too restless and upset to sleep comfortably but too exhausted to keep her eyes open, Mara tried to focus on how warm Bodhi felt beneath her, and how safe she felt with his arm around her waist. She wasn't sure what the time was- their room was so far beneath the rock and soil that no natural light reached it- but it could only be early morning.
Mara lifted her head from Bodhi's chest to find that he was fast asleep. She smiled affectionately at him, finally feeling comfortable enough to show her true feelings now that they were alone. He looked so peaceful, as if all the worry and the fear and the sadness had just melted away from his face. He looked so much younger, calm, and so handsome. Mara felt her face heat up at the realisation but she couldn't deny it, she thought he was lovely. She sat up on her elbow, moving slowly so as not to disturb him.
"Bodhi?" She didn't expect a reply but he stirred, his brow furrowing as he resisted consciousness. He shifted slightly, inadvertently pulling her closer against him, and turned his head towards her, his eyes still closed.
"Y'alright, love?" he mumbled, his voice low and heavy with sleep.
Mara's heart began to pound when she realised what he'd said. It was a term of endearment, nothing more. It didn't mean anything. Mara told herself this about a thousand times but still, she couldn't hold back her smile.
"Yeah," she murmured, reaching up and carefully moving a few loose strands of hair away from his face for him. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Bodhi hummed, satisfied. Then his head sank deeper into the pillow and he was lost to sleep again. Mara smiled to herself, feeling her heart swell until it felt two sizes bigger. She laid her head down on the pillow beside him and after a minute or two of awkward dithering, she finally decided to put an arm across his chest, tucking her fingertips underneath his back.
Mara considered how quiet the room was now that the rain had slowed, and how despite being in an unfamiliar place surrounded by strangers, so far away from home, she didn't feel the least bit afraid and all because of Bodhi. She considered how his arm felt wrapped close around her waist and how the slow in and out of his breathing was so soothing that soon, she was on the brink of sleep herself.
Mara turned her gaze to the ceiling, knowing without a doubt for the first time in her life that she was safe, that she was happy, and that she was wanted. Then she thought about Bodhi's face when he told her that he thought he'd lost her, how attentive he was when she was in pain, and how his fingers had felt brushing against her skin, his breath mixing with her breath, his eyes meeting hers. She smiled. "So this is how it feels."