All Mara felt for the first few moments after she woke was an extraordinary warmth and a softness that she never knew was possible from her harsh world. Then, like cold water had been thrown over her, she felt something tight around her middle. Her instincts took over. Before she'd even opened her eyes, Mara grabbed the arm around her waist and wrenched it back. She hooked her foot around her attacker's ankle and flipped them around so that she had the upper hand, her arm pulled back to land a punch.
Bodhi yelped when his back hit the bed and he was abruptly brought out of his dreams. It was still dark in their room, he could hardly make out the shape of the person sitting on him against the gloom, but then he heard a sharp gasp.
"Bodhi! Shit, I'm sorry!" Mara dropped her fist and released her grip on the front of his shirt.
Suddenly, Bodhi could breathe again, although he was still having trouble considering their current position. Mara had one leg either side of his hips and when she let him go, her body relaxed into his. It was enough to make him grit his teeth.
"Good morning to you too."
His voice was hoarse from sleep but Bodhi gave her a warm smile. Thankfully, he seemed to find the situation amusing.
"I thought-" Mara tried to explain herself but Bodhi raised his hands then carelessly dropped them back onto the mattress.
"No, it's alright. I-" He stopped abruptly, his usual half-smile frozen in place as he gazed up at her.
Feeling suddenly self-conscious, Mara squared her shoulders and frowned down at him, forgetting all about their position. "What?"
Bodhi wanted to say it was nothing, to change the subject and laugh it off, but something stopped him at the last moment. Just as he opened his mouth to give Mara some thin excuse, he realised that he didn't have to, and more importantly, he didn't want to. Bodhi had almost died, but that was nothing new. In fact, near death experiences were becoming common occurrences to the point of being almost mundane. He'd been given a new chance, an opportunity to be the kind of man he'd always wanted to be. People were always tripping over themselves to tell him how brave he was, perhaps it was time he started acting like it.
"You look incredible," Bodhi murmured. Mara's hair was all over the place, her skin still a little dirty after yesterday's events. She looked young and free and happy. Her thighs on either side of him were sturdy and muscled, and the sleeveless shirt she'd slept in showed that her arms were equally as strong. And her eyes. Maker, such dark, lovely eyes.
Mara felt her heart stumble when his warm expression melted away. His smile was gone, his eyes sad. Bodhi sat up slowly, watching as Mara's face switched between confusion and fear and then, as he moved within a few inches of her, curiosity. She didn't move back, she didn't shy away. Her gaze was steady and open. Bodhi's hands stayed firmly planted on the mattress but suddenly all Mara could think about was him touching her, his rough hands smoothing up her thighs, to her waist and beyond. It was a foreign, unknown want, and yet she wasn't in the least bit afraid.
But Bodhi didn't move any closer, he didn't touch her, he just gazed at her for a little while, taking in everything about her right down to the rhythm of her breathing. When he spoke again, his voice was low and hoarse, like he was close to tears. "I thought I'd lost you yesterday." Looking in his eyes, Mara could see only sadness and fear. Bodhi was a brave man but a person could only take so much loss. She didn't regret what she'd done but she hated that it hurt him. Mara smiled to let him know she was alright, then shook her head slightly.
"You'll never lose me." Her heart was beating so hard, she was sure he must've been able to hear it. To her great relief, Bodhi began to smile again and the corners of his eyes crinkled. She liked that smile a lot. She glanced down, enjoying the way his position made his chest arch towards her. Mara swallowed, letting her gaze move slower than necessary, lingering on his protruding collarbones and the column of his throat. When she finally did meet his eyes, she found Bodhi was grinning at her. Kriff. "I should get off you now," Mara said, more to herself than Bodhi.
"You don't have to." He shrugged but leaned back a little so that she could easily slide off his lap. Mara scoffed as she got off the bed and grabbed her boots.
"Shut up, flyboy." She didn't look at him as she walked towards the door, too embarrassed and flustered to meet his eyes properly. Mara gestured vaguely in the direction of the other rooms where their new friends were staying. "I'm gonna go borrow some clothes." She tried to say something else but after her third stumbling attempt, she gave up, said she'd be back in a few minutes, and left the room.
Bodhi waited until the door had closed behind her to let out an agonised groan and fall back onto the mattress.
Out in the hallway, Mara leaned against the door and put her head in her hands. What was that? Mara had fought against men twice her size, broken nearly every bone in her body, been held prisoner by slave traders, and yet this was what terrified her. Mara ran the last few moments over again in her head. She'd sounded like such a moron. She was supposed to be a fearless warrior for kriff's sake. Mara had never felt this way before. She couldn't get Bodhi's face out of her head. Maker, she wanted to kiss him.
Woah, now. Mara pushed away from the door and shook herself off, trying to get her thoughts straight in her head. She'd never wanted to kiss anyone before, the thought hadn't even occurred to her. She wasn't sure how to handle it. Mara flattened her hands against her thighs, remembering how good it had felt to have Bodhi beneath her. She groaned, irritated that she couldn't figure out her feelings and cross with herself for running out of the room like an idiot. Perhaps it would be best to just forget all about it. But Mara didn't want to forget. She drummed her fingers against her hip, taking in a few deep, calming breaths.
"Oh... Kriff," she muttered, then wandered down the hall to borrow some spare clothes from whoever was awake.
"So."
"So."
"We've come to the end of our partnership."
"Mm-hm."
"It's been fun."
"Oh, so much fun."
"And there's no chance of you and me..."
"What?"
"Having a whirlwind romance that rivals the greatest love stories of our age?" Rej raised his eyebrows, looking remarkably hopeful considering he was only joking.
Mara tried not to laugh but she couldn't stop herself. "Sorry, Rej."
He shrugged, heaving a dramatic, resigned sigh. "Worth a shot."
Mara snorted but didn't rise to it. They were sat on Sotoo's ramp, watching the Rebels scurry around the hangar like bees in a hive. They were packing up the base, taking everything they could carry. Thess didn't want to leave anything behind but they had very little space available. Hopefully, the Sarkans could use whatever they had to abandon.
"Don't suppose you've got any gorgeous captain friends?"
"I've only got one friend and I don't think you're his type," Mara said, nodding towards the wing of the cargo shuttle where Bodhi and a few engineers were discussing Sotoo's condition. She watched him for a little while, just enjoying the way that he moved. She liked how Bodhi talked with his hands, and when he laughed, he threw back his head, his eyes squeezed shut. He seemed so relaxed here, she almost didn't want to leave, for his sake. But the Rebels were heading back to Yavin 4 too. In just a few hours, the base would be empty and Sarka would be peaceful once again. Beside her, Rej shrugged.
"You've got more friends than you think, Captain," he said.
She was surprised by his sudden sobriety. Mara didn't think she'd heard Rej say a single sentence that didn't contain some sort of flirtation or joke at her expense. He gave her a small, kind smile, and Mara returned it easily. She patted his shoulder, perhaps a little too hard as he jolted forward, but Rej laughed it off.
"Sure you don't want to stick around?"
They both looked up at the new voice. Thess was making his way towards them across the hangar, flanked by Diana, Itzpalo and Deffan. As they approached, Bodhi finished his talk with the engineers. He joined Mara as she rose to her feet, briefly touching the small of her back. It was the tiniest of touches, a gentle reassurance, but it made Mara smile.
"We can always use leaders like you," Thess said, shooting a grin in Mara's direction.
She appreciated the offer but this wasn't her place. She could never be a Rebel. She didn't care about politics or war, she just wanted to protect the ones she cared about. Mara glanced at Bodhi and saw he was already looking at her. He began to smile and nodded, seemingly reading her mind.
"I think it's time we went home," Mara said. Thess shrugged, clearly disappointed but he wouldn't argue. He had far too much to worry about to start recruiting now.
They said their goodbyes quickly, there really wasn't time for sentiment. It was only when she and Bodhi were turning to board Sotoo that Mara realised she'd been hugged more times in the last two minutes than she had in her entire life. Bodhi hopped up the ramp, ready and raring to get going, and Mara followed him eagerly. Now that the end of their journey was in sight, she found she had an energy she hadn't felt in years. She placed her hand over the control panel by the door and was about to reel in the ramp, but a voice stopped her.
"Oh, hey, Captain?"
It was Thess. Mara pulled her hand away from the control panel just in time.
"I sent back my mission report to base. I made sure to ask about the princess."
Mara's heart suddenly sank into her stomach. She froze, only acutely aware of Bodhi sucking in a sharp breath. This was it, this is what this whole ridiculous journey had been about. Mara left Yavin 4 with one thought and one thought alone, saving Leia. She had to know that she was safe, that she was being looked after, even if it wasn't by her. And yet, after all this time, Mara wasn't sure she was ready to hear it. If Leia wasn't on the Yavin 4 base, then she was still out there. What if Darth Vader had killed her? What if she'd somehow managed to escape to Alderaan and perished in its destruction? Mara gripped the doorframe, unsure if her legs were strong enough to hold her up. She only began to breathe again when Thess grinned.
"Turns out, the rumours were true."
Mara heard Bodhi move through the ship to stand beside her. His fingers brushed the back of her hand, telling her that he was there without crowding her. She was so overwhelmed, she barely registered the contact but something in her subconscious, something in the back of her mind, was relieved to know she had Bodhi with her. Thess held up a datapad, displaying the message he'd received not two minutes ago from the Rebel headquarters.
"Leia is safe and sound on Yavin 4."
The wave of relief that hit her was so strong, Mara was almost knocked clean off her feet. The feeling was almost too big to comprehend. She had dedicated her entire life to the Royal Family and to her planet, she would willingly die for either if it meant that they were safe, and she had to watch the one person she was loyal to above all others disappear before her eyes. Mara knew that it meant her and Bodhi's journey had all been for nothing and she would never stop trying to make it up to him, but if Leia was safe then Alderaan wasn't gone, not really. A small piece of her home still lived on.
"Thank you, Thess," Mara whispered, unable to think of anything else to say. She couldn't put into words just how grateful she was, or explain to him what this news meant to her, but she had a feeling Thess understood.
He stayed in the hangar to wave them off. Mara and Bodhi offered to stay and help them pack away the base, but Thess assured them that they'd done more than enough for them already. As Bodhi fired up the engines, the Rebels around them scurried for cover. They only had to take one look at the burnt-out little shuttle to know they better get out of its way.
They rose slowly off the ground. Mara was so happy, she didn't even mind the way Sotoo jolted about. It was actually rather comforting now, she had to resist the urge to give the console a fond pat. Bodhi carefully guided them over the tops of the other ships, after all they'd been through, he didn't want to add damage to Rebellion property to his list of charges when they landed back on Yavin 4.
Oh. Bodhi's fingers tightened around the steering console. They were going back to base. It almost didn't feel real. When they first started out, all he wanted was to return to Yavin 4 in one piece. Now, a part of him didn't want to go back. Bodhi glanced at Mara and saw that she was gazing out of the side viewport, watching the vast Sarkan jungles grow smaller and smaller as they left the planet's atmosphere. He wondered if he should tell her how he felt. It wouldn't matter either way. Mara had fought tooth and nail across the galaxy on belief alone, now she knew for certain that Leia was on Yavin 4, nothing would stop her.
Bodhi began to drum his fingers against the steering console. He could feel that nervous itch beginning to take form again. The Rebels on Yavin 4 were not as Galen Erso had described: gallant men and women whose righteous hearts led them to oppose the horrors Bodhi had seen, the deeds in which he'd been complicit. Instead, they were the rebels the Empire had always warned of: the murderers, the criminals and terrorists who concealed their viciousness in a patriotic wrapping. The ones who saw the deaths involved in spaceport bombings as a small cost for smaller victories. What would they do to him? Mara would undoubtedly be let off, she had Leia to vouch for her. He had already stolen a ship once, and his defected Imperial status was branded onto him, they were probably looking for an excuse to be rid of him.
Bodhi drew in a long breath, trying to ease the tightness in his chest. He saw Mara turn to look at him and shot her a weak smile. She seemed to know that something was off but she didn't question him. If he wanted to talk, he would do it when he was ready. Mara turned back to watch the passing stars but Bodhi didn't look away, not yet. He gazed at her, imprinting the way she looked right here, right now onto his memory forever. He would go back to Yavin 4. He would face whatever punishment they gave him. He would do whatever it takes to make Mara happy, to get her home. He'd promised, after all, and although Bodhi still wasn't sure if he was good or bad, he knew for certain that he was a man of his word.
They flew for hours before seeing any signs of life. They kept each other busy by telling stories from their past, some funny, some happy, some not so good, but all spoken out loud for the first time. Bodhi recalled his two run-ins with the law (one for unlawful wagering on the races and the other for unsafe operating of an airspeeder) and Mara described her training days, how the work had almost killed her on more than one occasion. Neither Bodhi nor Mara had ever had the opportunity to tell these stories before. It was strange to think that when they started their journey, they hated each other. Now, neither of them could imagine life without the other, a reality which might become very real, very soon.
This was the thought that troubled Bodhi most. When they landed on Yavin 4, Mara would be reunited with the princess. Now that he'd outlived his uses, would she even want to see him anymore? He didn't want to believe that was possible, but Mara had said herself that the only thing she cared about was her duty. But that was before all of this, before they grew close, before he fell for her. If this was it, if this was their last time together, he wanted to end it properly. Then Bodhi spotted a nearby planet on the scanner and had an idea.
They were both exhausted and hungry, so he suggested they stop off just for a few hours. Mara agreed so he guided them towards the planet. She was a little apprehensive about taking a detour when they were so close to Yavin 4, but Mara had also realised that these were her last few days in their little shuttle. She wasn't ready for it to be over either.
They soared over a wide ocean until eventually, they came across civilisation. Bodhi didn't take them down right away, in fact, he soared right over the obvious landing ports. Below them, city lights glowed bright, burning gold, as if someone had waved their paintbrush too energetically and flecked the landscape. Above the lights lay the soft, navy blue clouds, hanging like morning mist just above the grass. And above that, a broad, cobalt haze that outlined the horizon and further still above that, the stars. They swam in endless, swirling light, puncturing the sky. Mara pressed her forehead against the cold viewport, closing her eyes to trap the image laid out below her in her mind forever. Beside her, Bodhi hummed a gentle tune that she recognised but couldn't put a name to. It was at times like this that she forgot why she hated flying.
They touched down far from the city. It was too dark outside to see where they were but Bodhi knew this planet well, they would be safe here. He did think about trying to sneak them into a nice hostel or bar, but they didn't have the money for one and looking the way they did, he doubted anyone would allow them into the latter. As Mara got out of her seat to investigate, Bodhi kept the engine running, just in case she wanted to move somewhere else. He heard the door open and the ramp extend, then heard her gasp softly. Bodhi smiled to himself as he followed her path through the ship. He found Mara standing at the bottom of the ramp, one hand pressed against Sotoo's side. Her eyes were wide, her mouth hanging open.
"Is this... Is this Naboo?" Mara gazed at the city lights in the distance, letting a rush of memories overwhelm her. She hadn't seen them for many years but she could never forget the towers and arches of the capital city, how they glowed and shone against the dark sky.
"You been here before?" Bodhi smiled to himself when he saw Mara nod faintly, clearly too distracted by the view to answer him properly.
Naboo was a small, ancient pastoral world. Unlike most other planets, it lacked a molten core, leaving room for a network of tunnels and flooded caves. The surface was covered by rolling plains, grassy hills, and swampy lakes. Mara had heard many a horror story about the creatures that lived beneath the surface, like the opee sea killer and the sando aqua monster. The Naboo often elected young women for their monarchs, believing they possessed a form of pure, childlike wisdom that adults lacked. In recent years, the planet had prospered under the reign of the Empire due to its status as Palpatine's homeworld. Its economy and environment were regarded to be far healthier than most worlds subject to Imperial rule. The Empire had demilitarised Naboo, so they weren't in any danger here, which made a nice change.
"Leia used to come here a lot when she was younger. Her father would always take her." Mara smiled at the memory. When Leia went on trips, she would always go with her. They'd travelled to Naboo more times than she could count, they were happy memories. She saw Leia in her mind's eye, just a girl, barely older than ten and not worried about anything. She ran ahead of her family, making Mara's heart begin to pound. She was still only in her training, she wouldn't be captain for another five years, yet she felt just as sick with anxiety at the thought of losing Leia then as she did now at twenty-five. But Leia would always be alright, she didn't really need her, not anymore. "She really liked it here."
At last, Mara met his gaze. Something passed over her face, a flash of sadness, and then she was back, her memories retreating once again. He gave her a feeble smile. It wasn't much but he knew Mara hated to be mollycoddled. Bodhi hoped he could reassure her that he was here, if nothing else. Thankfully, Mara returned his smile even though he doubted she really meant it at that moment.
"You said that you remember the night Leia came to Alderaan." He made his way down the ramp to stand beside her. It was colder than Bodhi expected. He saw Mara start to smile for real when he shivered and pulled his jacket closer. "Does that mean the princess was adopted?"
Mara's smile faded a little. "I don't know what happened. I think Bail new her birth father. I was too young, no one told me anything. Years went by... I never thought to ask."
"Maybe her parents were from here."
Mara looked at him for a moment, rolling the idea around in her head. "Maybe they were," she said quietly. She turned back to look at the view. "I wonder if they had any idea who she would become."
They stood there in a silence for a little while, watching the sky grow darker and darker above their heads. When Bodhi glanced across at her, Mara still looked sad. Or perhaps it was just nostalgia, a desire to travel back to the way things used to be. He let a few minutes pass, giving Mara time alone with her thoughts, then asked,
"Have you thought about what you're going to say?" Mara looked confused. "To Leia, when you see her tomorrow?" To Bodhi's relief, that made her laugh.
"No, not really," she said, then chuckled again. "We never really... We weren't friends, I only speak to her about little things."
Bodhi shrugged. "That might change now. You're all each other has of home."
"Yeah, you're right." Mara considered this. Bodhi wondered if he'd upset her when she stayed silent but then she began to smile, then grin. "Wow," she breathed, making Bodhi laugh too. Feeling brave, he reached out and gently brushed his fingers against hers, then took her hand in his. Mara hesitated, still unused to affection, but one glance at Bodhi's gentle smile eased her into happiness. It was different now than the last time they held hands, less intimate, a gesture of friendship and solidarity. Mara liked it a lot.
They stayed there until it grew too cold and they had to head back inside Sotoo. While Bodhi finished powering down the ship, Mara found their blankets and set them out on the floor of the cargo hold. Just like old times. She tried to get comfortable but her excitement made her fidgety. She was anxious to get back to Yavin 4, she couldn't wait to see Leia again. But then she heard Bodhi's footsteps pad across the cold floor and felt her racing heart ease. She was perfectly happy where she was.
Bodhi kicked off his boots and carefully got under the blankets, wary of disturbing her. As he settled onto his side, Mara was reminded of their first nights in the ship. She'd been hesitant to lie beside someone she hardly knew, to sleep under the same covers had felt so inexplicably intimate that she almost flat out refused. Now, she couldn't remember how she'd slept all those years alone. But perhaps it wasn't just about having someone else, she was comfortable because of Bodhi.
Once he was settled, a happy silence filled the ship. After all the clamour and shouting of Sarka, it was nice to have some peace and quiet. Outside, they could hear a gentle wind brushing against the ship and a couple of birds calling out to each other, a soft, sad, melody. Mara turned her head to look at Bodhi and found that his eyes were closed. She wanted to tell him something. He couldn't possibly have fallen asleep already but she was still worried about disturbing him. At last, she plucked up the courage.
"Bodhi?" He hummed to tell her he was listening but his eyes were still shut. Mara lost her nerve. "Nothing. Don't worry." At this, Bodhi did open his eyes.
"You sure?" He could hear the nervousness in her voice. He knew Mara too well by now to not know when there was something on her mind. She opened her mouth, hesitated, and closed it again. Bodhi watched Mara chew on her lip for a moment until she finally said,
"Just... Thank you. For everything." She glanced away, too embarrassed to hold his gaze. Sharing emotions was still hard. It would be a difficult habit to shake. After a lifetime of suppression, Mara wasn't sure she'd ever get the hang of it but she wanted to try, for Bodhi. He grinned but he wasn't laughing at her, he just found her sheepish expression too endearing not to smile.
"Any time," he said, closing his eyes again and shuffling down their makeshift bed to get more comfortable. "But give me a few days before our next adventure, yeah? I'm knackered."
Mara laughed. "Deal."
There was a pause. Bodhi didn't think anything of it, he thought Mara had just closed her eyes and tried to get to sleep like him, but then he felt her shift next to him, then he felt her kiss his cheek.
"Night," Mara said quickly, turning over before he could even open his eyes.
Bodhi stared at her back. He was so surprised, he could barely remember his own name, let alone words, so it took him a moment to respond. When he finally collected his thoughts, Mara could hear the smile in his voice.
"Goodnight, Mar."
Mara didn't know how long she lay there before she finally slipped off to sleep but the next thing she knew, it was morning. She lay there, taking her time, allowing herself to rise out of sleep naturally. She couldn't remember the last time she slept so well. No nightmares visited her, she didn't even dream, she just felt an overwhelming sense of peace. Light crept beneath the cargo bay door, slowly seeping towards her as the morning stretched on. Mara only opened her eyes when she heard the main door of the ship open.
She turned onto her back and found Bodhi's side of the bed empty. The cargo bay door slid open but Mara did not jump to her feet like she might've done once. She lazily turned over onto her stomach, looking up at Bodhi as he came towards her. He was carrying something in his arms. Her stomach grumbled when she realised it was breakfast.
"Where did you..?"
"Walked down to the road to get my bearings and found a woman selling fruit and stuff."
He didn't sit down like she thought he would. Instead, he nodded his head towards the door.
"Come on, Captain. Grab that blanket, we're dining outside."
Too hungry to ask questions, Mara pulled one of their grotty blankets off the floor and followed Bodhi out into the sunlight. It was only when she was walking down the ramp that she realised she hadn't put her boots on. Mara half-turned to go back into Sotoo but froze when she saw where they'd landed. It had been too dark to see their surroundings properly last night.
Now the sun was right over their heads and Mara realised it must be early afternoon, not morning, and this was lunch, not breakfast. Bodhi had landed Sotoo in the middle of a huge field, hemmed by knee-high grass that swayed softly in the breeze. Flowers burst through the ground, bright patches of red and yellow, and just a few meters away, a lake stretched further than she could see, so blue and clear that she couldn't tell where it ended and the sky began.
"I remembered your description of Alderaan," Bodhi said, carefully taking the blanket from her hands so that he could lay it out in the grass. "I know it's not the same but it's close."
It wasn't often that Mara was lost for words but the beauty and the peace of this place left her speechless. It did look a lot like Alderaan, especially the brilliant blue lake, so clear and inviting. She and the children in her class would often travel to the southern lagoons for swimming lessons, or on ecological trips. Later, whenever Mara had a very rare day off from training, she would venture down on her own. She would lie on her back in the water and just float there for hours, shutting herself off from the world. Surrounded by fresh, cool water and the smell of lilac flowers, Mara could forget about her worries for a little while. Her life was so noisy and so frightening, those few precious hours she spent in the pools helped her get through it all, that and her almost inherent loyalty to Leia.
She finally managed to tear her gaze away from the view and stared at Bodhi. Her mouth was hanging open in a way that was frankly humiliating but she was too stunned to care. How did he always know? How did he always find ways to make her happy? Surely he couldn't have known just how much this meant to her, she'd never told anyone about her solitary journeys down to the lagoons. But then she saw the way that he gazed at their surroundings and Mara realised this was just as much for him as it was for her. There was nowhere like this on Jedha. The moon was a dry, frigid place, there wasn't a patch of green anywhere on its surface. And yet he'd dreamed about a place just like this, somewhere with soft grass and blue waters and no one to bother them. It was just them and the sky.
Mara only closed her mouth when Bodhi passed her something to eat. It was some kind of fruit, purple and round. She didn't know its name but she was ravenous, so she bit into it without a word, trusting Bodhi. It was the sweetest thing she'd ever tasted. Bodhi chuckled at the joyous expression on her face and patted the blanket beside him, suggesting she sit down so that they could eat the rest of their lunch.
"It's perfect here. Just... Perfect," Mara said after she'd finished her fruit and found her words again.
Bodhi would've agreed but he had a mouthful of bathsa bread, so he had to settle for a somewhat impolite grunt. Mara didn't seem to mind, in fact, it made her laugh.
"Why are we going back to Yavin at all? We could just stay here." Bodhi finished chewing and gave her a bit of a look.
"Don't tempt me," he said.
Mara got the distinct impression that he was only half kidding. She watched a little bird skip along the grass a few feet away. Its feathers were bright yellow, trimmed with black, so it blended in well against the flowers. It looked at them curiously, seemingly unafraid.
Bodhi saw how Mara admired the little bird, so he tore off pieces of his bathsa bread and broke them into crumbs. He threw them in the bird's general direction, hoping not to startle it. He saw Mara grin when it hopped closer, happily picking at what he'd offered.
"Here," Bodhi murmured, gently brushing his fingertips across the back of Mara's hand. He wasn't sure when he'd become so comfortable touching her, or when Mara had begun to let him, but the brush of their hands still sent a thrill through him. Every time was like the first time, he knew it would always feel like that.
Bodhi turned her hand over and dropped the rest of the crumbs into her palm so that she could feed the bird herself. Mara smiled gratefully and gingerly picked at the crumbs, letting the dregs fall from between her fingertips before she pulled back her arm and threw them across the glade. They sat and watched the little bird pick at the bread in silence, just enjoying the quiet and fresh air that Bodhi had dreamed about. After a while, Mara ran out of crumbs and the little bird skipped off to find something else to eat. She watched it go, working up the courage to ask what she wanted to ask.
"Bodhi?" His warm smile made her stomach twist. "When we do get back to Yavin 4..." She spoke slowly, carefully, but he'd already turned away, groaning dramatically. "We have to talk about this."
"No plan is going to get us out of the mess we're in." Bodhi's low tone didn't match his calm expression. He was trying very hard not to show how frightened he was. Mara knew he was angry too, but not with her. "It's a military base, I commandeered one of their ships." He scoffed. "Again."
"I'll tell them that I made you." Mara shrugged. She knew she had privileges, she knew that the Rebels would probably let her go without punishment when they found out she was Leia's guard. But Bodhi was a defected Imperial pilot with a criminal record and his name on the watchlist. He wasn't even allowed to fly for the Rebellion he'd risked everything to help. Mara wouldn't let anything happen to him, Bodhi knew that, but the Rebellion's hostility wasn't the only reason he was hesitant to return.
"I don't like it there." He spoke quietly, not quite meeting her eyes. "Everyone stares at me. They don't want me there." Bodhi looked down at the strips of dried meat in his hands, suddenly not feeling at all hungry. "I was better off on Scarif."
He was starting to stutter again, his hands fidgeting. Mara could tell the signs a mile off, she just didn't know how she could help. "What about your friends?"
"I don't have any."
"Jyn and Cassian-"
"Are in intensive care." He spoke a little too sharply, cutting Mara off. He apologised immediately, rubbing a hand down his face. "Or, at least they were." There was so much that he hadn't told her, so much that he didn't want to tell her, for her sake. But Mara was looking at him in that way, that way that meant he wasn't going anywhere until he told her the truth. Bodhi sighed. "They've been in the medcentre since we got back. Jyn woke up the night we left."
"So... You haven't seen them since Scarif?" When Bodhi didn't answer, Mara shuffled closer to him, ducking her head to try and meet his averted gaze. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Bodhi sighed again, his fingers beginning to drum against his knee. "I didn't want... I didn't want you to feel worse than you already do."
It took Mara a few moments to realise what he meant. When the last piece finally fell into place, she sat back, her gaze dropping to the blanket. She could feel cold dread encircling her, pulling tighter and tighter until she could hardly breathe. She tried to stay calm but the guilt was overwhelming.
"I'm... I'm so sorry, Bodhi." To her own dismay, her voice cracked. Mara had stolen him away from his friends, away from his new home. It had only been a few weeks since the battle on Scarif, his scars, both the physical and mental, were still fresh. She'd bullied him, almost got him killed on multiple occasions. Mara didn't deserve his forgiveness.
"Mar, listen to me."
Bodhi's fingers stopped drumming. He was closer now, his shoulder pressing against hers as he leaned closer. Mara looked up and found his gaze was stern and clear. His fidgeting had stopped. He was here with her, not on Jedha or Scarif.
"Everything that's happened," he murmured. "All these planets, the fights, the people, meeting you... I wouldn't have missed it for the world." He felt like they'd had this conversation a thousand times. Bodhi doubted Mara would ever stop feeling terrible about what she did but he understood that she'd acted out of desperation. She just wanted to get home, there wasn't a person alive who couldn't relate to that. This life, travelling, new foods, new people, getting into trouble... It was what he wanted. Yavin 4 was a cage. Out here, they were free. He smiled gently, suddenly feeling brave. "I'm happier here. With you."
Mara could feel her heart beginning to pound again, the way it always did when Bodhi was near. In fact, he didn't even have to be close to her. He could be at the other end of this field and he'd still make her chest feel tight and her tongue rubbery. Bodhi asked if she was alright and she slowly nodded. Mara had so many thoughts and emotions rushing around inside her head, gratitude, joy, and something else, something she still couldn't name after all this time. It squeezed hard in her chest, making her throat tight so that she couldn't get a word out. All she knew was that it was because of Bodhi. It was for Bodhi.
He moved away, happy that the matter had been put to bed. Mara felt the tightness in her chest ease a little but the unpleasant feeling did not disappear completely. Bodhi passed her some more food, some sort of dried meat that was an odd green colour. When she turned her nose up at it, he launched into a whole speech about trying new things and new cultures until Mara popped it into her mouth just to shut him up. It was disgusting but she soldiered on, determined not to lose face. After a few minutes of disgusted chewing, she grabbed the last of the flatbread and stuffed it into her mouth to take the taste away while Bodhi laughed at her disgusted expression.
Mara wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, surprised by how unembarrassed she was. She hadn't felt this comfortable with anyone since... Well, actually, she'd never felt this comfortable in her entire life. Bodhi seemed happy too, which made her happy. She wondered if he missed his new friends, Rej, and Deffan, and the others. He would see them again soon. After their little detour, the Rebels would arrive back on Yavin 4 long before them. Even she could admit she missed Rej's charm offensive.
A memory floated by, and suddenly Mara realised she still hadn't brought up what Bodhi had said about her to his friends. They'd been too busy on Sarka to talk properly and on some level, she was afraid of asking about it. What if she'd misheard and she embarrassed herself? Or worse, what if Bodhi really did think she was beautiful? Mara didn't know how to handle that sort of thing. No one had ever looked at her twice. She'd been instructed to fade into the background her whole life, no one had ever noticed her. Apart from Bodhi. Even now, it sent a thrill through her blood, a spark of electricity. It was terrifying and exciting at the same time and she couldn't even begin to understand the feeling, but she thought it was about time she tried.
"I heard what you said." Mara spoke a little more quietly than she intended. When Bodhi turned his head, she looked down at the bread in her hands. She picked at it, suddenly feeling ridiculously nervous. "To Rej and Deffan in the refectory."
"What do you-" Bodhi stopped mid-sentence. His confused expression flattened out into realisation, then something like panic. "Oh," he said. Bodhi didn't need to ask what she meant, the nervous look on her face could mean only one thing.
Mara watched him out of the corner of her eye, too nervous to look at him properly. But then she saw the way Bodhi's mouth began to open and close repeatedly as he searched for a response and she realised that he was just as nervous as she was, if not more so. "I wasn't eavesdropping," she explained, worried that he might think he couldn't trust her. "I was just... In the right place at the right time."
Suddenly, all Bodhi could hear was a faint whistling sound. Was this what a panic attack felt like? After all he'd been through, he couldn't believe this was what finally pushed him over the edge. The idea that Mara had overheard him calling her beautiful was so fantastically embarrassing, he spent several moments just trying to remember to breathe. But then he thought about yesterday, how she'd sat comfortably in his lap, how she'd held his hand the night before, and kissed his cheek when she said goodnight. Perhaps there was no reason to feel embarrassed at all. Perhaps this was an opportunity to be a little bit brave.
"I meant it," he said, surprising both Mara and himself. Suddenly he was speaking without really thinking about it, the words flowed from him in one huge catharsis. He felt like he'd been holding onto them for centuries. "I think you're beautiful. And I don't think anyone's ever told you that, which to me is a travesty because you're... Wow." He gestured in her direction and Mara genuinely blushed for the first time in her life. "And I know there are more important things but I think if someone thinks someone is beautiful, they should tell them, so... There."
There was a brief silence as Mara took in Bodhi's words. She had not expected that. He was right, she hadn't been waiting her whole life to be complimented, and it didn't matter, not in the long-run. But this was different, this was Bodhi, and to know that he thought these things about her, to know that he understood her so well when she was so frightened of letting people in… Mara gazed at the man beside her, watching as his jaw clenched anxiously, his dark eyes switching between her and the grass beneath his hands. At last, after all these weeks of confusion, she finally had a name for the feeling that encircled her heart whenever she looked at Bodhi. And she wasn't the least bit afraid.
"Right." Mara let the silence stretch on for a few moments before she said, "I actually meant what you said about how you met Deffan on Yavin 4." Bodhi's head snapped up so fast, she was worried he'd hurt his neck.
For a second, he couldn't breathe, then Mara grinned and he closed his eyes, shaking his head as he let out a relieved sigh. "That's mean." He gently shoved her shoulder whilst Mara laughed at her own joke. "That's so mean." Bodhi loved to see her happy, he loved to see her laughing, it didn't even matter that it was at his expense.
They spent the rest of the afternoon by the bank of the lake. Mara tried to convince Bodhi to let her teach him how to swim but he would not be moved. Although the water was so clear that they could practically see to the bottom, he was adamant that something would try to grab his leg the moment he stepped into the pool. Even the prospect of swimming close to Mara with hardly any clothes on couldn't convince him to get in.
As a compromise, they sat with their feet in the water, rolling up their trouser legs so that they wouldn't get damp. Bodhi lay on his back, running his fingers through the tall grass that surrounded them. He could not imagine a more wonderful feeling than being in such a beautiful place with Mara by his side. If this was the last day they would spend together, he was glad they could spend it like this.
He opened his eyes and looked up at her. Mara was still sitting up but she must have sensed his gaze on her because she turned around to face him. He could see in her face that she was thinking the same thing as him, this could be their last day together, their last moments alone. Mara would go back to the princess' side, where she was meant to be. Neither of them could tell if Leia would wish to remain on Yavin 4. Even if she did, it was highly possible that Bodhi would be court-martialled the moment he stepped foot inside the headquarters, perhaps even discharged from the Rebellion. He wouldn't be surprised, they'd been looking for an excuse to get rid of him since the moment he arrived, it didn't matter how noble his cause was.
As much as it pained them both to think about, it was very unlikely that they would ever see each other again once they landed on Yavin 4. Mara looked back out at the view, pushing down the sick feeling rising in her throat. She could not have anticipated how painful it would be to say goodbye. How could she have known all those weeks ago that she would soon find it hard to imagine life without Bodhi Rook, the defected Imperial pilot she'd kidnapped in the dead of night? Unsure of what to say, Mara rested her hand on his forearm. Her thumb moved lazily across his skin, smoothing from left to right. It was the smallest thing, the most gentle of touches, but it was enough to let Bodhi know she was there, that he mattered, that she cared about him.
Bodhi had never felt so at peace as he did in those few quiet moments. He heard Mara sigh softly, contentedly. She was smiling to herself, her eyes closed as the sunlight warmed her face. Then she turned to look at him, her gaze meeting his. Her smile grew, and Bodhi realised three things at once: she was the love of his life, he loved every bit of her, he'd love her till the day he died.
They sat there until it once more became too dark to see the lake. Bodhi went inside to start up the engines, allowing Mara a moment alone with her memories. She doubted she would ever see Naboo again. The thought made her heart ache but this wasn't home, not really. The real Leia was waiting for her on Yavin 4, those echoes of the little girl skipping ahead of her father would just have to stay safely tucked away in her memories. Mara said her goodbyes, then she turned and went inside. She didn't look back.
Very soon, they were back into the Outer Rim. Bodhi had flown this route so many times now, he could do it with his eyes closed. They were very quiet. The knowledge that their journey would soon be over weighed down on their shoulders but they weren't uncomfortably silent. They were both just enjoying their last few moments together. They watched the stars sail by, thinking about all they'd been through.
When Yavin 4 finally appeared in the distance, Bodhi gripped the steering console until his knuckles turned white. It was a beautiful moon, verdant as an emerald against the darkness. He wished he could figure out his feelings. Some of his only friends were on that base, but so were his greatest fears. If they arrested him, would they expel him from Yavin? Where would he go? Maker, he'd never see Mara again.
He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Perhaps she wouldn't mind if he suddenly turned the ship around and propelled them in the opposite direction. No, no, he couldn't do that to her. Mara had waited all this time to see Leia, she'd almost got herself killed trying to reach her. Bodhi would do anything for her, including facing an angry army of Rebel soldiers who hated the very breath in his lungs. He would face whatever they threw at him, for her.
"There it is," he said quietly, nodding towards Yavin 4 even though it was easy to spot. Mara didn't say anything. She was staring at the moon, her eyes glassy. Bodhi thought he saw the ghost of the mask she used to wear slip back over her face. Very soon, she wouldn't be Mara anymore. She would be Captain Verbanti again. He wondered if she'd even let him call her 'Mar'. "Are you alright?"
"I'll be fine."
For a moment, the mask lingered and she looked at him like she didn't know him. But then her expression relaxed and she was herself again.
"It'll be alright, Bodhi."
He smiled but it didn't quite meet his eyes. Mara mirrored him, glad that he understood her so well because her chest was so tight, she didn't think she'd be able to manage another word.
Bodhi lowered Sotoo through the cloud canopy, then carefully guided them over the trees. The thick rainforest that covered Yavin 4 was tricky to navigate. Usually, Mara would begin to feel nervous at this point. She'd always hated flying, perhaps it was because it meant she was no longer in control and at the mercy of others. Whatever it was, just being within a few feet of a ship made her feel queasy. It was something she'd struggled to get over when she first started her service and even now, she had to focus on her breathing to distract herself. But she trusted Bodhi, she trusted him with her life.
As they neared the main temple, they were hailed by the base. They asked for their call sign and wanted to know what their business on Yavin 4 was, but Bodhi switched off their comms. Mara opened her mouth to ask but Bodhi merely chuckled. He explained that they'd know exactly who they were the moment they landed. They soared through the open mouth of the base, skirting over the top of the other ships lying in the hangar. They found an empty space and touched down with a gentle hiss. Sotoo was home at last.
Mara and Bodhi sat back in their seats. The hangar was completely empty apart from the odd engineer. The calm before the storm. Mara looked across at Bodhi and he looked back at her. Neither knew what to say, so they rose from their seats and walked to the door without a word. Bodhi reached for the control panel beside the door but hesitated at the last moment.
"Mara..." He wished he knew how to say all that he wanted to say. But they'd run out of time.
Mara smiled and reached out to him, taking his hand in hers. "Where you go, I go," she said. Bodhi looked at her for a moment then nodded.
"Where you go, I go."