The night was still and quiet. Even the jungles of Yavin 4 seemed solemn. It felt as if the moon and all its brothers and sisters were sleeping.
Mara turned her head when she caught a sound slicing through the wind, but it turned out to be just a bird taking flight in a nearby tree. She watched it arc across the night sky before turning back to her search.
Bodhi had showed her how to find the point where her planet once hung in the sky; she thought she'd committed its position to memory, but it took her several minutes to find. The constellations seemed unchanged. To the unknowing eye, nothing would appear amiss, but as Mara stared at the night sky, that gap where Alderaan once nestled could not have seemed emptier, or further away. She felt just as hollow.
She let out a long breath, letting her gaze drop to the mossy stone slabs beneath her. She wasn't entirely sure she was actually allowed to be up here, she'd never seen any Rebels around the top of the ancient ruin, but Bodhi said he'd been here a few times when he needed some peace.
The very tip of the Yavin 4 temple was flat and covered in thick, twisting vines, punctuated by dark purple flowers, like open palms turned towards the night sky. A tiny section of the foliage had been cleared away, right by the edge where she sat. Mara smiled to herself as she let her fingertips trace the initials that had been carved into the rock.
"Bodhi suggested I talk to you," she said out loud, glancing up at the stars then back down at the scratchy letters. "Said it might help." She smiled fondly. "Soft thing."
With a sigh, Mara turned back to face the jungle. It seemed to stretch on forever, encapsulating all of Yavin 4 with only a brief reprieve where the rivers ran through it like wrinkles in an old face.
"So, here I am," Mara muttered. "Talking to the sky."
She was unhappily familiar with loneliness, and Mara knew she was more likely to suddenly sprout wings than get a reply, but the silence that surrounded her still stung. She looked back down at the initials scratched into the rock. They were jagged, each letter stretching arbitrarily taller and wider so that they were far from identical. Mara placed the tip of her finger at the top of the first, a 'B', tracing down its spine.
"I was thinking - I don't know if you'd remember - but there was a time, I was looking through your things and I found your box of medals. And you found me trying them on and you let me keep one." Mara looked up at the sky again, shaping her hands to show the size of the medal. "I can't remember what it was for, you had so many. But it was about this big with a red ribbon... And I wore it everywhere, all day."
A shout echoed below. Mara peered over the edge, resting her elbows on her knees. She watched as three soldiers, tiny as ants from all the way up here, threw some bundled up material between them, tied up with stolen cables. They laughed as one of them tripped over his own feet when the makeshift ball came his way and ended up sprawled on the ground.
Mara found herself smiling at their fun. But then she felt something rest on her shoulders, a heavy sadness, and she looked back up at the skies. The stars seemed to be watching her, disapproving of her happiness. Mara's smile slipped away.
"But I lost it," she whispered, feeling her memories brush past her like strangers in a crowd. "And I was so terrified that you were going to be angry with me, I searched the whole palace from top to bottom. I thought I was gonna be sick, I was so worried. And that night I had to tell you... And you smiled and said that it was alright, that mistakes happen, and that I can learn from them. And then you hugged me and we made dinner and I... I know it doesn't sound like much but..."
Below her, the soldiers wandered round the corner of the temple, leaving her in silence again. Mara watched them leave until their spots of torchlight vanished.
"I know this isn't what you wanted for me," Mara whispered. "And I know what you'd say." She shot a dark look at the sky, as if to say 'don't start', as if someone was actually hearing her. "I'm not a Rebel." She frowned. "At least, I don't think I am. But they've given me a home. And I'm happy."
Memories of yesterday rose in her mind until she couldn't help but smile. If she closed her eyes, she could almost feel the ghost of Bodhi's lips pressed against hers until she had to reach up and touch her mouth with her fingertips. Her first kiss, her first love, and hopefully her last. She could still feel the warmth of him pressed against her, surrounding her, his hands on her waist, his lips, his smile, his eyes, his tongue. She could feel her body growing hot, though whether it was from embarrassment or something else, she couldn't tell.
That had been a matter of hours ago, just that morning, then they joined the crowds in the refectory continuing the celebrations. They walked hand in hand, passing each other a small smile, excited to be happy and in love, to share a secret that was theirs and only theirs.
They let Rej press drinks into their hands, sitting by the sidelines as people danced and sang drinking songs. When he thought no one was looking, Bodhi wrapped his arm around her, resting it against her lower back, his fingers tucked around her waist, pulling her closer. No one would be able to tell from a glance but Mara's heart still leapt at the thought of someone seeing them. But Bodhi leaned closer, whispering by her ear that everything was alright, and she felt herself beginning to relax.
Later, when the songs were all sung and drinks all gone, Mara and Bodhi said goodnight to their friends and drifted off to bed in a happy haze.
It was still dark when Mara awoke but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep until she got this weight off her chest. Bodhi had once told her about this spot, right on top of the Yavin 4 temple, a place where no one else went, where he could be alone for a while, and she remembered what he'd said about airing her feelings. It sounded ridiculous at the time but lying there in the dark next to the man she loved, at the very beginning of a life she never thought she'd have, Mara knew that was exactly what she needed.
She looked back down at the initials carved into the rock. They looked like they'd been scratched over a long period of time, slow work, chipped away with a blunt instrument like a rock or the tip of a metallic finger.
"Bodhi asked me if I thought you'd like him," Mara whispered. "And I said no, you didn't really like anyone." She traced the second letter, an 'R', wondering to herself just how many times Bodhi had sat up here, watching the sky grow dark, alone. "But I think that was unfair. I think you would like him, actually."
She searched for a sharp enough stone, casting her gaze around her. She eventually found one and rolled it around in her palms, feeling the weight of it.
"He makes me feel... Real. He looks at me and I know I'm there." Mara smiled to herself, clearing away enough vines so that there was a bare patch below the initials. "And he's brave and strong and he never... He doesn't expect anything from me or of me, he just is with me." Mara lowered her gaze. "That's never happened before."
There was a beat, a pause, the whole world seemed to take in a breath. A breeze shuffled through the trees, making the oily leaves whisper as they brushed against each other. Mara hunched her shoulders, pushing the collar of Bodhi's jacket higher to shelter herself from the cold air. She'd taken it from where it hung over the back of a chair in Bodhi's room. She didn't think he'd mind. Her own jacket was closer, neatly folded in the drawer, but she needed the moral support. She bent her head, drawing in a deep breath through her nose so that she could catch his scent still lingering there.
Mara had spent many, many nights alone, so it took her a moment to figure out why this one felt different. Perhaps it was because as she left his side, Bodhi had stirred, his bleary eyes unseeing. Without a word, he reached out and took her hand, squeezing it softly, then drew her close so that he could brush his lips against the centre of her palm.
Mara could still feel it, the kiss, feel the shape of it on her skin. She brushed her thumb over the spot. She'd been isolated all her life, and on her own more times than she cared to think of, but right now, even though she was completely alone, she didn't feel at all lonely.
"I love him," Mara said, raising her chin to look up at the stars again, her thumb still brushing over her palm. "I'm going to stay with him for the rest of my life."
Mara took the sharp rock she'd found and began to chip away at the ancient stone, carving two new letters beneath the first.
"Feels strange saying that about someone you'll never meet. Or maybe you will, if what Bodhi believes is true."
With a fond sort of smile, Mara hooked her free fingers around the cuff of Bodhi's sleeve. His jacket was heavy, made of dark leather and barred with blue at the shoulders and cuffs. It reminded her of her uniform, that blue. Even before they met, they were connected, in a small way. Mara scoffed at herself. How soppy was that.
When she was finished, she leaned back to admire her handiwork. She doubted anyone would find them but that was fine by her. It was something that was hers and only hers. Long after they were all gone, and this war was hopefully, finally over, the initials B.R and M.V would still be carved into the top of this old relic, Bodhi Rook and Mara Verbanti.
Yavin 4 was a swelteringly hot planet but the nights were chilly and dense. She would go in soon, she would go back to her warm bed where Bodhi was still sleeping. But first, she had something to say, something that had been scratching away in the back of her head for a while, the something that made her leave her bed in the first place and come out here in the middle of the night.
Mara carefully rose to her feet, keeping her gaze up so that she wasn't sickened by the steep drop just a foot in front of her. She pulled Bodhi's jacket tighter around her body, tucking her hands under her arms to keep them warm. She wasn't in the habit of speaking to the dead, much as she respected Bodhi's beliefs, she didn't share them, but she had this incorrigible nagging in her chest, this need to say what had never and would never have been said.
"I know we never really talked," she said, raising her voice to a regular volume for the first time since she reached the summit. "Not like Leia and Breha did, but I hope you're proud of me." A chord resounded within her, and suddenly Mara felt on the verge of tears. She gritted her teeth, drawing in a breath. "I'm so sorry, mum." Her voice cracked. She was glad there was no one around to hear it.
She waited, heart pounding, listening to the world around her slowly breathe in and out. Despite herself, Mara found she was waiting for a response. But, of course, she didn't get one. Or perhaps she did. Just as she was turning to leave, the breeze picked up again, whispering against her skin, like a hand brushing her cheek, just like her mother used to do.
When she opened the door to the room, the mechanical hiss was so abrupt, Mara was afraid she would wake Bodhi. To her surprise, as she neared the bed, she found he was already awake. His head rested against the pillow and he appeared to be in the same position she left him in, but his eyes were open, his mouth tugged back at the corners into a gentle, Bodhi-ish smile.
"Sorry," Mara whispered, slipping back under the covers as carefully as she could, not wanting to disturb him anymore. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"'S'alright." Bodhi lifted the covers for her, allowing her to get comfortable before he tucked the sheet around her.
Mara sighed as she felt her body sink into the mattress, already beginning to warm up. "Did you stay awake for me?"
Bodhi hummed, low and soft. "Didn't want you to be on your own when you came back," he murmured, so close that she felt his breath tickle her cheek. He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, frowning slightly as his fingers brushed her skin. "You're all cold. C'mere."
Mara couldn't believe he was still able to surprise her after all this time. Bodhi wrapped his right, metallic arm around her until she was pressed against his side. As he smoothed circles against her back, his other arm came round and hugged her tighter. Mara felt her aching heart soften as he bent his head and kissed her forehead softly.
She had spent her whole life trying to accept the fact that she would never be in a loving relationship, she had to keep reminding herself that her life was not her own. She knew she had to follow her mother's path, uphold the legacy. But then she met Bodhi and suddenly this bright, brave man, who had also known years of pain and loneliness, liked her. Her world and her view of it had shifted, and there was nowhere else she would rather be in the whole galaxy than by Bodhi's side.
"Did it help?" he asked.
Mara smiled fondly at the sound of his husky voice, heavy with sleep. She almost didn't want to reply, she'd kept him up long enough already, but she knew Bodhi wouldn't ask if he wasn't concerned. "Yeah, yeah it did," she said, resting her head on his chest. "Thanks for the tip."
Bodhi smiled to himself, finding he liked the feeling of her resting against him. His heart still skipped whenever they were close, he wondered if he would always feel this way. With another smile, he realised he already knew the answer. "'S always good to share your worries. Puts things in perspective."
"You're right."
"No surprises there."
Mara breathed a laugh, turning to press her face into his chest.
They were quiet for a while, just listening to the sounds of each other breathing and the soft, slow hum of the generator, the only constant on Yavin 4 besides the jungle.
"I spoke to her," Mara said, breaking the silence. She felt Bodhi shift beneath her and knew she had his attention. "We never talked about anything, not properly. And she was a hard woman. But she was a good mother. All I ever wanted was to be someone she could be proud of." Mara closed her flat hand into a fist, bunching up the front of Bodhi's shirt. "I wish she was here."
She felt him rest a hand on the top of her head, gently stroking down her hair until she closed her eyes. Mara felt her body start to relax, melting into Bodhi's. His heart pounded beneath her ear, his hand never faltering. She tried to match her breathing with his, slow and deep, until all her worries began to fade.
"She's here," Bodhi whispered. He tucked her hair behind her ear, then let his thumb smooth across her cheek. "She's here, in you, in the training she gave you, in the bond you have with Leia, in the path she set you on. All the best parts of her, she passed on to you."
Mara raised her head. His thumb stopped. He moved his hand so that he held her face. It was so dark in the room but she could just make out his eyes.
"And I know," Bodhi smiled. "I know she's proud of you. And so am I."
His hand on her cheek was warm, his fingers roughened by years of hard work. Mara leaned into his touch, closing her eyes with a smile. "If half the galaxy had your heart..."
"But they don't," Bodhi said, resting his hands on her waist. He gently pulled her closer, moving her up his body so that he could press another kiss to her forehead. "Only you."
Mara shook her head, pressing her face into the crook of his shoulder.
Bodhi grinned. "Too much?"
She could feel him smiling against her skin as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. Mara bit her lip, trying not to think about how good his hands felt on her waist, his fingertips just brushing her skin where her shirt had ridden up. His chest was against hers. He felt so warm, inviting. She didn't ever want to leave this bed again.
"No, it's... Fine..." she said, hoping she wasn't blushing. "You..."
When she trailed off, Bodhi bent his head and nuzzled his face into her hair. "Mara?" She raised her head, meeting his gaze again. He chuckled at the embarrassed look on her face.
"You smell really nice."
Bodhi scoffed. "Oh, shut up."
"I know, I know." Mara rolled her eyes, matching his smile.
"You daft thing."
"I regretted it immediately."
"When did you get so soft?"
"Oi, watch it, I have a reputation." Mara prodded his chest, and Bodhi retaliated by squeezing her hips, just a little, but enough to make her breathing falter. Mara swallowed hard, licking her lips. "You do, though. Smell good, I mean. Is that a strange thing to say?"
"No, I don't think so." Bodhi grinned, liking the sight of her all flustered. He held her gaze as he tucked his hands under her shirt and traced his fingertips in circles by the bottom of her spine. "Thank you very much."
"Don't mention it." Mara barely managed to get the words out, altogether too distracted by his hands, one warm and soft, the other cool and soothing. Goosebumps seeped over her skin and she knew Bodhi noticed because he always did, he always noticed, and instead of feeling embarrassed, she found she just wanted to kiss him till they were both breathless.
"And you," Bodhi said, keeping his voice low, pulling Mara closer until she was practically on top of him. "You look beautiful tonight."
It was Mara's turn to scoff. "Geroff," she muttered, turning her face away but Bodhi wasn't having it this time.
"You do." He laughed softly, turning as she did so that they were both on their sides, facing each other. "You do. You're lovely."
Mara let her gaze move across his face, taking her time, taking in every inch of him. Bodhi's eyes, so dark and kind in the low light, reflected the same warmth that bloomed in her chest. She smoothed her hand up over his shoulder so that she could cup his cheek. "So are you." She smiled and he returned it, his chest rising and falling in time with her own.
She felt as if she were surrounded by some nameless force, this burning, golden lovelight. She knew Bodhi felt it too. The corner of his mouth curved up into a smile, that wonderful smile, and she couldn't help herself. Mara shuffled closer so that she could press her lips to his, pushing so tight against him that their noses squashed together.
Bodhi chuckled against her mouth, charmed by her eagerness, but he soon turned serious when he felt her hand smooth down his chest, to his stomach. Biting her lip, Mara slipped her fingers under the hem of his shirt and slowly, tentatively drew the flat of her palm against his skin until she reached his chest.
"Is this alright?" she murmured. "It's just that I'd like- I mean, I want to- Is this good? Is this alright?" When Mara met Bodhi's gaze, she saw that his lips were parted, his breathing a little heavier than usual. Then he was kissing her again, slow and soft and deep.
"S'more than alright," he murmured against her mouth. "Love, you can do whatever you want to me."
Mara chuckled. "You might regret saying that."
"Trust me, I won't."
Bodhi's hands tightened on her waist, pulling her so close now that she could hardly tell where her body ended and his began. She could feel every tick of his heart beneath her hand. Bodhi bent his head and kissed her again, his lips moving so slowly over hers, she had a feeling he was teasing her. Then he caught her bottom lip between his teeth, biting down gently, pulling a little harder, and Mara groaned, surprising herself and Bodhi. She closed her eyes, trying to embed this moment, right here, right now, into her memory forever, the feeling of it, the warmth of it.
"You alright?" Bodhi bent his head and placed gentle, lingering kisses on her neck, murmuring against her skin. "If you don't feel comfortable, just say."
"Believe me, you'll know if I'm not happy." Mara smiled as he wrapped his arms around her again. Her head fell against his chest, his heart pounding beneath her ear. She realised she hadn't stopped smiling since she came back to bed.
She thought about all those nights she'd spent on the other side of the blanket or mattress or wherever they'd ended up sleeping, and how the distance between her and Bodhi had seemed to grow as her feelings did. Look at you now.
"Your heart's beating really fast," she said, lifting her head just far enough to meet his eyes.
Bodhi raised his eyebrows. "Well, whose fault is that?"
Mara pressed her lips together to try and hold back her smile. It didn't work. Instead, she pushed her face into his chest, rolling her head against him so that she was looking at the far wall and he couldn't see her flushed face.
She thought she heard Bodhi chuckle softly but she couldn't find the energy to argue with him. Mara was vaguely aware of Bodhi gently kissing the top of her head and her own happy smile before she slipped off to sleep.
"This looks familiar."
Mara raised her head to find Bodhi looking up at her. She smiled apologetically and asked him to repeat himself. She'd been staring vacantly at the bolts in the metal that ran beneath her folded legs for so long that her neck had begun to ache without her noticing, and she'd missed what he said.
"I said, this looks familiar." Bodhi smiled. "This is just how we were on Boz Pity. On the first night, d'you remember? Nothing changes, does it?"
Mara smirked, turning her gaze back to Sotoo's mottled shell. "Except we like each other a bit more now."
Bodhi shrugged. "Just a bit."
He felt his heart skip when Mara laughed. He always felt so proud to make her smile. He knew she hadn't had many reasons to laugh in her life so far; Bodhi had vowed that he'd spend the rest of his trying to make her happy.
"Yeah," Mara agreed, keeping her gaze down to hide her red cheeks. "Just a bit."
Bodhi chuckled, turning back to the engine. "Chuck us the spanner?"
Mara was perched up on Sotoo's wing, her legs crossed beneath her. Bodhi was right, this was just how they sat on Boz Pity, just a few hours after they first met. She'd almost forgotten, it seemed so long ago now. Bodhi had tried to fix Sotoo's rickety engine while Mara kept lookout. She didn't have nearly so much responsibility now. In fact, her only job was to keep him company while he worked, and Mara was more than happy to oblige.
"I saw Rej earlier," Bodhi said, raising his head quickly to smile at her before turning back to the engine. "He and the others are meeting in the mess hall in a bit. They're playing Sabacc, if you're up for it?"
He flipped the spanner he'd finished using around in one hand then passed it up to her. It was a strangely attractive move and Mara found herself staring at his upper arm as she placed the spanner in the tool bag beside her.
"I don't know the rules. I've only ever seen people play."
"That's alright, I'll teach you."
Mara peered down into the open engine, curious as to what exactly Bodhi was doing. Every so often, he asked for a new tool and explained what he was doing with it, or at least he tried to, just as he had on Boz Pity, but she was no closer to understanding their ship.
Bodhi tried to remember everything that Yunlo said to him when he shadowed her during his first weeks on Yavin 4 but so much had happened since then, all her useful tips and tricks had been lost in his subconscious.
Mara didn't mind. Though she did want to learn, it was just nice to have some time alone without having to worry about Leia, or some arcane enemy, or a military strike on an Imperial base. For the first time in her life, Mara felt like a normal person, and she would savour these little moments whenever they happened to come their way.
"I thought you didn't gamble," she said, remembering what he had told her one cold night on their travels.
They'd stayed up until the early morning, whispering secrets to each other across their makeshift bed. One of Bodhi's was the trouble he had in his younger, reckless years. He'd lost a lot of money in the Holy City's hidden gambling dens before he decided enough was enough. He chose to focus on getting into a good school, something to keep his wild young mind busy. He hadn't gambled since and didn't plan to now.
"I don't," he assured Mara. "And I won't tonight. I'll just show you how to play."
"Is it difficult?"
Bodhi grinned. "Oh, with your tactical brain and my arse, we're an unstoppable team."
Mara snorted, shaking her head, trying to feign exasperation and failing miserably. She straightened up, groaning when her back pinched in several places from where she'd been leaning over to watch Bodhi work. She was getting out of shape fast. Now that she had found relative safety with these Rebels, her training was going to waste. Mara couldn't decide how to feel about it. She supposed it was nice to have time to breathe but she had never lived with so little structure, and Mara wasn't sure she could get used to it.
She watched Bodhi work, trying to keep her mind off her own troubling thoughts, and instead focus on how good he looked in just a white vest, his dark green engineer's overalls tied around his waist. There was a smudge of dirt on his forehead from where he'd wiped the sweat from his brow. She followed this trail down to his jaw, where stubble she was dying to feel under her palms was already beginning to appear, down again to the right side of his neck where the scars from his burns were at last beginning to settle, to his arm to where his metal prosthetic seamlessly met his skin.
"Bodhi?" When he hummed in response, she asked, "Why hadn't you..."
He looked up, wincing slightly as his strained muscles stretched. "What?"
Mara could feel her face heating up again. She hated this feeling, awkwardness, but this was all new to her and she was still learning what she now knew should've been obvious to her. "You know, found anyone."
Bodhi's smile was soft, understanding. "What do you mean, love?" He pointed to another tool and Mara passed it to him, grateful for the chance to formulate her thoughts into words.
"Before we met, why didn't you have someone like Yunlo has Adina, or like Rej wants Trew." She pulled a face. "Or like Leia and that... Han Solo."
Bodhi chuckled. He had wondered how Mara might react to the obvious friction between the princess and the smuggler who helped rescue her. The base was alive with gossip about them. They seemed to argue as most people danced.
Mara had taken an immediate dislike to Solo, not merely because he was the one to find Leia and not her, but his arrogance and clear interest in the princess caused her great concern, and sparked an almost motherly distrust, horrified that anyone should try and pursue her charge.
"I was waiting," Bodhi said, keeping his gaze on the engine. His heart was beginning to beat a little fast, his face hot. He marvelled at how he could tell Mara that he loved her with ease but the smaller things, little admissions of admiration, made him stupidly shy. Perhaps he needed to practice allowing himself to be vulnerable too.
Mara frowned. "For what?"
"For you." He looked up again and found Mara staring at him in wonder. He smiled, stopping his work for a moment to focus on her. "I mean, I didn't know it would be you, obviously. But I had a feeling, one day, I would meet the person I was meant to be with for the rest of my life." He saw Mara's face fall and Bodhi realised what he's said. "Sorry, sorry, I'm..."
He felt like an idiot saying it out loud, but it was the truth. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Mara, he doubted anything would change that. But here was a woman who until very recently had never even had a friend, let alone a… Whatever he was. He didn't want to push her, to make Mara feel as if her whole life had been planned out for her again, but Bodhi also wanted to reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere, that he wouldn't treat her in the same cold, detached way that everyone else in her life seemed to have done.
Thankfully, Mara didn't mind. She didn't mind at all. "No, it's..." She found she could hardly get the words out, her own smile getting in the way. She felt an extraordinary sense of relief, both that Bodhi was still as honest and open with her as he always had been, and that he wanted a life with her just as much as she wanted one with him.
The grin that he gave her as her sentence faded into shy obscurity made her wish she had an imager, just to take a holo that she could keep forever. There was something cheeky about it that made her heart pound, but something so innocent and genuine too. It made laughter lines appear by his eyes and his nose wrinkle, and the small sound he made, a soft, almost breathless laugh, was so endearing, all Mara could think about was kissing him. The feeling appeared to be mutual.
"You're distracting me," Bodhi murmured, having to stand on his toes so that he could lean closer to her.
Mara watched him gently rest his hand on her ankle, his little finger just eeking under the cuff of her trouser leg to brush against her skin. It was the tiniest, simplest action, and yet she melted under his touch. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No, no, I'd never want that."
His smile grew and she knew he was only kidding, but his words still made her heart pound.
"It's a good distraction."
Mara smiled. "What about me is so distracting?"
"It's a long list." Bodhi allowed his gaze to draw down her body, just taking her in. "Your eyes. Your hands. Your mouth. Your, er..." He trailed off as he reached the collar of her shirt (his shirt really) that was so large on her that the hem hung low, and at the angle she was sat, bending down to be closer to him, he could see the ridges of her collarbone, and the contrasting soft swell of her chest. Bodhi swallowed and lifted his gaze again with some difficulty.
Mara caught on to where he was heading and felt her face grow hot. She bit her lip, her smile turning sly. "You're distracting too," she said.
Bodhi was happily surprised. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
His smile grew and Mara suddenly felt a pang of unexpected sadness, that so few people had seen that smile, since Bodhi had had very little to be happy about in the last few years. But then there was also a sense of pride, the notion that she was one of the lucky few who got to see it, it was hers.
Mara struggled not to be selfish, she forced herself to not be jealous, but it came naturally after a lifetime protecting one person. She knew that people didn't belong to each other, not really, but Mara also knew that she was Bodhi's, as much as she could be, and he was the first thing that had ever been completely and wholly hers.
She liked that he wasn't much taller than her, and never as slender as she remembered, and that his hands were slightly calloused like her own. He probably ached from being on his feet all day in the hangar but you wouldn't think he was tired at all. He strode around the base, walking much taller than he did when they first met, and spoke in such a quick, sharp manner without ever pushing too far.
Mara found herself distracted again by the stubble dusting his chin and the kind, cheeky glint in his eyes. She liked this dishevelled look, she wouldn't mind making him look even more ruffled. His lips pulled back into a smile and she apologised for staring but Bodhi assured her that it was more than alright with him.
Mara slid down from the wing of Sotoo, grunting as the ground rose up to meet her a little sooner than she expected and her knees jarred. She rounded the side of the ship, letting her fingertips graze its flank until she was stood beside Bodhi. She looked between him and the engine, feigning concern. "Tell me, will she ever fly again?"
"She'll be like new." Bodhi braced himself against the side of the ship, up to his elbows in engine. Their ship had done so much for them, Bodhi felt like he owed it to Sotoo to fix her up as best he could. Only a few more tweaks and their beloved ship would be on the road to recovery. "I'll take you somewhere nice to celebrate."
His words sparked something in Mara's memory. The image wavered and dissolved in her mind's eye. No, not a memory, a dream. She was sitting on Bodhi's lap, his hands over hers at Sotoo's console, showing her how to pilot the ship. "I think I dreamt about something like that last night," she murmured.
Bodhi glanced her way and saw that her cheeks were a little pink. He grinned, turning back to the engine. "Sounds like a good dream."
Mara hummed, too distracted by the idea of Bodhi's hands on her to respond properly.
"So, have you decided what you're going to do?" Bodhi asked. "Are you gonna stay a Royal Guard or not?"
Mara frowned. "I'm not sure." She moved away from the ship, finding a seat on top of the makeshift creeper Bodhi used to get to the underbelly of the ship. "I want to. And I know Leia still wants me around." She planted her feet, pushing herself forward and backwards.
"What's the problem?"
"The way things are now... Leia's role has changed. And I don't know where I fit in." Mara grimaced. "I'm gonna have to talk to her."
"Oh, I know that tone." Bodhi turned to rest his back against the side of the ship, giving her his full attention. "What's up, sweetheart?"
Mara took a moment to enjoy the term of endearment. They seemed to roll off his tongue so easily. Until Bodhi, no one had ever called her anything other than Captain or Mara. It was surprisingly comforting. She didn't think she'd like little nicknames but coming from Bodhi, it was nice, reassuring. Mara didn't think they would sound at all natural coming from her but perhaps soon, she would try.
She sighed, resting her elbow on her knee and propping up her chin on the palm of her hand. "I never thought I'd ever have to revaluate everything like this. I had a set path and now it's all..." She lifted her free hand and dropped it into her lap again uselessly. "I'm used to knowing what to do. I don't like being unsure."
Bodhi crossed his arms, resting more of his weight against Sotoo. "It's quite exciting though, isn't it?"
Mara snorted. "You and I have very different definitions of 'exciting'."
"No, c'mon," Bodhi chuckled. "You have no idea what you're going to do tomorrow."
"You're making it worse, Bodhi."
"You can do anything, go anywhere. I think I'd feel free, especially after all you've been through."
Mara gazed at him, a small, slow smile beginning to appear. How did Bodhi always know just what to say? She put her head on one side, raising her eyebrows. "What about you?" she asked. "Are you going to be a hotshot Rebel pilot?"
Bodhi's smile flickered, only for a moment, but he knew she caught it. He tutted, not letting her get away with changing the subject. "I might not pass the tests."
Mara smiled. "You will."
"But-"
"You will."
"I don't know if I'm what they're looking for," he said, shrugging as if it was no big deal when really, just the thought of missing his one opportunity to fly again, an opportunity that Mara had fought to give him, twisted his stomach into knots. "They're all well-trained with years of experience..."
"Bodhi, you're the best pilot I know."
"How many pilots do you know?"
"A few years' time, you might even be a captain."
She gave him a pointed look. It was confident, arrogant, reminding him that she outranked him with a grin. It was terrifically sexy. Bodhi held her gaze, his smile slowly returning as he realised that she was flirting with him. "Wouldn't that be something?"
His voice was low, soft. Mara resisted the shiver that threatened to seep across her skin. "Bodhi Rook," she said, drawing out his full name with a cadence he didn't think it deserved. "Rebel pilot, swashbuckling hero, man of the people."
"Sounds quite good, doesn't it?" He chuckled and turned back to the engine. "Would you fancy me even more if I was a Rebel pilot? Because that might sway me."
Mara smirked. "I'd fancy you if you were a pilot, or a prince, or a rogue from Jedha who was arrested twice before he turned eighteen."
Embarrassed, Bodhi grunted. "Forgot I told you about that."
"Whatever you decide, I'll be there with you." Mara grinned. "Making fun of you and calling you names and keeping you in check."
Bodhi looked over his shoulder at her. He picked up on the subtle, underlying truth to her words, that even though she sounded like she was being flippant, she was completely serious. She wasn't going anywhere. He smiled, wondering if she knew just how easily she made him fall even deeper in love with her with every passing moment. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
Mara beamed back at him, her cheeks a little pink, and Bodhi couldn't help crouching down to press a quick kiss to her cheek, making her blush even worse.
Mara watched him work for a few moments in silence, just happy to be in his company. She felt so at ease, no one would bother them here. It was just her and Bodhi and their little ship. That's all she wanted.
"Bodhi?" He hummed to tell her he was listening and she tentatively went on, "You asked me how long I'd felt this way - when I first knew - and I said that I wasn't sure. That wasn't really true." Mara bit her lip, suddenly feeling nervous again. "I know. I know exactly when it was."
"First time you saw me shirtless?" Bodhi laughed.
Mara rolled her eyes, biting back a grin. She almost said, 'Well, that certainly helped'. Instead, she stood up from the creeper and said, "You're the only person in the whole galaxy who knows my real name."
At last, Bodhi looked around at her. He'd paused in the middle of fishing another tool out of the bag she'd abandoned on the wing of the ship, his mouth hanging open a little in surprise.
"Not even Leia?" he asked softly.
Mara shook her head. "Not even Leia."
Bodhi could feel it again, that same pride he felt when she first told him her full name after they landed on Chandrila. It was an indescribable sort of feeling. He just couldn't believe that she trusted him, he couldn't understand why of all the people in the galaxy, he was the one lucky enough to earn the right to know things about Mara that no one else did.
"I've said it once, I'll say it a thousand times," Bodhi said, waggling the screwdriver at her. "Maranellia is an incredible name."
A shy smile lit up her face. "Your daughter's name."
"If I get my way."
Bodhi twisted the final cable into place and stood back to admire his handiwork. He wouldn't call himself an engineer, there was still so much he had to learn, so much for Yunlo to teach him, but he knew he could get Sotoo back to its former glory.
Feeling tired and sticky with sweat, he grabbed an oily rag and wiped down his face and forearms. That was enough for now. Bodhi dropped the wench back into the tool bag then went to sit down. He plunked himself down on the floor, leaning his back up against Sotoo's cold metal side.
Mara was still standing but when he gestured her to join him with a quiet 'c'mere', she was powerless to resist. Mara settled herself beside him but Bodhi put his arm around her shoulder, gently pulling her closer until she leaned against his chest.
"Happy?" Bodhi asked, making sure she was alright with so much physical contact. He wanted to be as close to her as possible but he would rather go six rounds with Rewss on a bad day then make Mara uncomfortable.
Mara could feel his heart beating hard against her back, his bare arm draped around her middle, his hand resting on her thigh. The smell of him, the warmth of him. Yes, she was more than happy.
She gazed at their ship, reminiscing. She wondered when this would all be over, this war, this unrest, so that she and Bodhi could finally be free of their pasts and just live. She wondered if he would take her back to Tanaab, if she asked. She'd like to see more of the city, of the whole galaxy, really. There was still so much she didn't know, so much she hadn't seen.
"I have to tell you something," Bodhi said quietly.
"Hm?" Mara looked up at him to find he was staring at the flat, black palm of his metal arm.
"I spoke to Itzpalo. She said I could get synthflesh for my arm as early as tomorrow."
Mara frowned, surprised. "Did you ask her about it?" Bodhi had once told her that he would never have his prosthetic covered, so it was odd to hear he'd changed his mind.
"She asked me." He pressed a kiss to her temple, his nose bumping against her cheek. "She said the medcentre has more resources now. If I want to get it done, I should do it before we move bases. Who knows when we'll get our next reprieve after that." He raised his right hand, stretching his metal fingers and closing them again. "I think it would be good to get it done. Then I can leave it all behind me. New base, new arm, new life. What do you think?"
Mara shrugged. "It's not my arm."
"No, but you have to sleep next to it."
His words made her face heat up but she tried to ignore it. She felt Bodhi's eyes on her as she carefully took his metal hand between her own. "I think you should do whatever makes you happy." She turned his hand over so that his palm was facing up. "But for the record, I like you just the way you are," she said, and gently kissed the centre of his palm.
It was the softest, most innocent of touches but Bodhi still found himself short of breath. Though he couldn't feel her lips brush his palm, or her thumb tracing circles there, he could almost imagine it. Mara looked up and met his gaze. There was a glint in her eye, she knew exactly what she was doing.
"This dream of yours," he murmured. "What were we doing in it?"
Mara looked back down at his hand, still held between her own. "You were teaching me how to fly and I was..."
Bodhi's arm tightened around her middle. "What?"
Mara's heart began to pick up its pace. She swallowed hard, trying to keep her breathing steady as flashes of her dream and Bodhi soft, rough voice washed over her. "I was sitting on your lap, and your hands were over mine." She felt his breath tickle her neck as he leaned closer, his lips brushing her skin.
"Sounds like a very good dream."
Mara held her breath, biting her bottom lip to help her keep her nerve as his mouth travelled lower to her shoulder. She shifted, resting her weight on her hands so that she could twist around to face him.
Bodhi's heart thumped as his hands fell to her waist, keeping her steady, pulling her closer until she was sitting in his lap, her knees either side of him. The feeling of her weighing on him, settling against his body, it was enough to make him groan softly, so low Mara only just caught it.
"And then you put the ship on autopilot," Mara placed her hands on either side of his face and gave him a small smile, suddenly feeling shy. "And I turned around and you were..."
Bodhi pressed his hands against her lower back, pulling her closer until his lips brushed hers as he spoke. "What was I doing, Mar?"
"Kissing me." Mara closed her eyes, letting her hands slide down to rest against his chest. "Touching me."
His kisses were always so gentle at first, testing the waters, as if he was still worried about overstepping a boundary, worried about making her uncomfortable, no matter how eagerly Mara kissed him back. But he was also desperately out of practice, it had been a long time since he'd been with anyone. Bodhi had to get himself used to kissing again, to the idea that Mara loved him and wanted to be with him, that she had chosen him of all people.
Mara knew she had to coax him from that, assuring him that she was happy, letting him know he could touch her, kiss her, be the young man he sometimes forgot he was underneath all the anxiety and fear. So she kissed him with force, with no sign of holding back or hesitancy so that he could feel just how much she loved him.
Bodhi had never known anything like it, he had never felt so wanted by anyone. Mara pressed closer against him, her fingers clutching at the front of his shirt as he gently pulled her bottom lip between his teeth. Bodhi smiled, taking a moment between kisses to breathe. With his eyes still closed, his fingers circled against the small of her back, his smile growing when he heard Mara hum happily.
His heart felt like it was going to burst as Bodhi pressed his forehead against hers. Mara could feel his breath against her face, his heart pounding under her hand as she patiently waited to taste him again. Soon, his hands drifted down from her back to her ass, squeezing teasingly, making her gasp. That was new. Mara shifted so that she was more comfortable and pulled him into a deep kiss, her hand coming up to rest against his neck.
Bodhi groaned into her mouth, eyebrows pushed together as he tried to calm himself down. "Sabacc," he said through another kiss, moaning when Mara's chest pressed against his. "We have to go play Sabacc."
"We don't have to," Mara said against his lips.
Bodhi raised his eyebrows. He moved away and she could feel him smirking as he placed hot, wet kisses down her neck. He bit down gently, just at the point where her shoulder began, making Mara shiver, heat pooling in the pit of her stomach.
"That," he said. "Is a persuasive and eloquent argument."
Mara laughed until Bodhi kissed her again, swallowing the sound. Through the dizzying haze of teeth and tongue, she was faintly aware of his hands smoothing down her sides, moving slowly, not wanting to overwhelm her. Somehow, his consideration was almost as enthralling as his kisses.
Mara could feel her body melting into his and barely held back a groan, her brow furrowing as she tried to keep her head, but then she did something with her tongue that made Bodhi let out a low moan, deep in his throat, grabbing her by the ass and dragging her further up his body.
Through the fabric of her trousers, Mara felt herself rubbing against his knee, then his thigh and moaned into the kiss, an embarrassingly breathy, desperate groan that almost made Bodhi passed out, she sounded so good. She lifted her hands to his hair, threading her fingers through it. "Fuckin' 'ell, Bodhi," she muttered against his mouth, making him laugh.
He'd never heard her voice like this, so low and rough, he could listen to it all day. He broke away to catch his breath, placing soft, fleeting kisses across her forehead, her cheeks, and one on the tip of her nose, murmuring sweet nothings to her under his breath. Mara groaned in relief, so happy to be touched so gently after all this time.
She pulled on his hair, and he wasn't sure if she knew just what that did to him but, kriff, it felt good. He let out a strangled sort of sound, pulling her down by her neck into a kiss hotter than any other that they'd shared. His hands settled on her hips and he pulled her forward, grinding her against his leg. Mara let out an airy moan, biting her lip to cut off the sound.
"No, love, don't hold back," Bodhi pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, still guiding her against his thigh. "I wanna hear you." He pulled her into his lap and now her hips were against his. Mara let out a choked groan, her mouth falling open as he bucked his hips up to meet hers. She was all he could hear and see and feel as Bodhi's mouth found hers again.
When he pulled back, Mara was panting, a little bit breathless, and staring at him, starry-eyed. "You're so beautiful, Mar," he murmured, leaning forward and pressing a sloppy kiss against her neck, pushing her shirt to the side so he could suck a mark by her collarbone. Mara moaned at the feeling, grinding faster against him, and he had to grip her hips to slow her down, gently moving her back down to his thigh, that familiar feeling starting to creep through him. "Hang on, love, this really isn't the time or the place."
"Well," she panted. "That's entirely your fault. You and your wandering hands."
"That's fair, that's on me, I got carried away. But we should probably-" He cut himself off, moaning when Mara rocked in just the right way, and his grip on her hips tightened. "Slow down. Kriff, you're fantastic."
Mara continued rocking against his thigh, feeling him flex and biting back a moan at the feeling simmering through her body. For a minute, the only sounds in the room were their quiet moans and Bodhi almost let himself get lost in the feeling, get lost in her, but then a shout echoed across the hangar, making them both jump.
Thankfully they were hidden behind Sotoo, the two engineers calling to each other didn't even know they were there. Still, it was enough to break the tension, and they collapsed against each other, all their passion dissolving into laughter.
Bodhi held her close to him, his hands resting on her back. The moment was gone, the tension broken, but he still needed her near to him. "I love you," he murmured, still hardly able to believe he could say the words out loud.
Mara smiled softly. "You're... You're the first person to ever say that to me," she whispered, her hands resting on either side of his face again so that she could smooth her thumbs across his cheeks.
Bodhi hummed, closing his eyes for a moment and letting himself enjoy her gentle touch. "Just further proof that I'm better than every other man you've ever fancied."
She laughed. "Well, you're the first there too, but that's not..." Mara's smile faltered when she realised he'd misunderstood. "I mean..." She swallowed thickly, her voice growing quieter, suddenly unsure of herself. "You're the first... No one's ever..."
Bodhi opened his eyes. The smile that had brightened his face slowly began to slip away. Mara watched his expression change and wondered if she shouldn't have said anything.
"No one?" he repeated in a hushed voice that made her heart jolt. He gathered up her hands in his own and held them tight against his chest. "Not even... Your mum, she..?"
Mara squeezed her eyes shut. "Sorry, did I ruin the moment?"
"No," Bodhi whispered, pulling her closer. "No, Mara, no, no..." He gently pulled her against him, wrapping his arms around her middle and holding her tight.
Mara felt his hands rest against the middle of her back and allowed herself to relax into him, her face buried in the crook of his neck, breathing him in.
"I promise you, right here, right now, in this disgusting hangar..." He felt his thudding heart begin to slow when Mara laughed. Bodhi bent his head, pressing soft kisses across her cheek, behind her ear. "I promise to tell you every day." Mara sat back to meet his gaze and Bodhi smiled, absentmindedly running a hand through her hair. "Because I do, Mara. I love you. I'll love you till the day I die." He raised his eyebrows. "Which, given the circumstances, might be very soon."
Mara scoffed and shoved him. "Don't say that."
Bodhi apologised through a grin which softened slightly as he held her gaze. "You and me," he murmured. "We're a team, aren't we?"
From the moment they met, they had shared an unspoken understanding. It began the moment Bodhi agreed to help Mara get home, the instant she risked her own life to keep him safe. They had to work together if they wanted to get anywhere, to survive. That trust, that immediate bond, it was still there, Bodhi still felt it, though now it had developed into something more.
He squeezed her hands, brushing his lips against her knuckles. "I'm so fiercely proud that you chose me."
Almost breathless, Mara asked, "Yeah?"
Bodhi nodded once, more certain than he'd ever been about anything. "Yes."
Mara settled back in his lap, her hands coming up to interlock behind his neck. "Well, alright then."
"Hey, Rook?"
Bodhi's bright smile vanished. They both looked up quickly, hearts in their throats, just as Rej sauntered round the side of Sotoo. He stopped short at the sight of them. Mara was still in Bodhi's lap, his hands very close to her backside. There was an awkward pause. They stared at each other, too surprised to move.
"Oh," Rej said at last, his mouth hanging open. "Sorry, guys."
Mara wondered if she ought to get off Bodhi but she suddenly couldn't feel her legs.
No one said anything, waiting for the other to make the first move, then at last, Rej grinned. "Just wanted to see if you were ready? The game's starting."
"Yeah, we're coming," Bodhi said, while Mara nodded.
Rej seemed as if he wanted to say something, and they could only imagine what it might've been if he hadn't thought better of it. He gave them one last smile then turned and walked back the way he came, whistling a happy tune between his teeth.
Mara looked back at Bodhi, her face beginning to prickle with embarrassment. He didn't look the least bit sheepish. In fact, he seemed to find it all very amusing.
She reluctantly slipped off his lap and rose to her feet, only to find that her legs were like jelly. After the way Bodhi had touched her, she wouldn't be surprised if she wobbled all the way to the mess hall where Rej and the others were waiting for them. She allowed herself to reminisce about his lips on her neck as she helped Bodhi to his feet, both of them still smiling dopey, lovesick smiles.
"Hey," Mara said. "Do you remember on Boz Pity, you were trying to teach me how to fix the engine?"
"Yeah, why?" Bodhi left his tool bag inside Sotoo then grabbed Mara's jacket for her, draping it carefully over his arm as they wandered over to the hangar door.
"Fancy having another go? I think I'll do better this time."
Bodhi smirked. He couldn't imagine Mara up to her elbows in an engine. Though she was a hard worker, she'd also grown up in a palace amongst royalty, and she didn't get so much as a smudge on her beloved uniform despite their tumultuous journey. "If you think I'm gonna turn down the chance to see you all sweaty and oily, you've got another thing coming." His laughter fizzled out quickly. "That came out wrong, I just meant..."
"It's alright." Mara chuckled, taking her jacket from him and slipping it on. "I quite like the idea of seeing you like that too."
Bodhi paused, watching her walk away with a dumbfounded expression. After a moment, his open mouth twitched into a grin and he followed after her, a spring in his step.
"Kriffing hell, Mar."
"You started it."