I steered clear of the clone directly in my path and kept going. Not dealing with that right now, no thanks. I stopped behind some bushes when he appeared in my line of vision. He didn't notice me. Narrowing my eyes, I focused on his chakra, - Just standing there is a bit obvious, so - only to discover that it was a normal clone. And now I had lost track of where Sensei was.
"Inoko. Behind you."
"Frick on a stick!" I shouted, lashing out with a kunai. He vanished, and chakra coated my senses, dulling my reaction. No. Not again. Not again! A memory of when I was a baby forced its way up and I was drowning in burning red chakra, scared and helpless and oh god where was I why was I so small oh please god no no no-
"Kai!" I snarled, slamming my hands together. "Screw you, Sensei!" I shouted. "I hate genjutsu!" They massively messed with my head. The first time I had any sort of genjutsu put on me, I'd had a nasty panic attack. That was. Not fun. At all. At least my cousins learned to leave me out of their genjutsu pranks after that.
I could sense Sensei now, and his chakra was the equivalent of my 'wut' face. "Where is that obnoxious duck boy?" I wondered, making my way over.
It took me a while to track him down, due to the repeated genjutsu that Sensei's clone kept hitting me with. They were steadily more and more subtle and complex, and it was taking me a little bit longer each time to shake them off. I was feeling particularly murderous by the time I arrived at the clearing where I could feel Sasuke's chakra.
And there went my bad mood. Honestly this was pure gold. "Where is he?" I thought out loud. "I know he's around here somewhere." I could feel him getting steadily more annoyed. Worth it~
"Inoko," he finally said. I looked down to see him buried up to his neck in the ground.
"Pfft." Upon actually seeing him, I just couldn't contain myself. It was one thing to have it roughly in my senses, and quite another to actually see it. By the time I had my laughter under control, at least five minutes had passed. "Looks like someone got caught by the Headhunter jutsu," I teased, crouching in front of him. I smirked. "Rookie mistake, duck butt."
"Get me out of here!" he snarled.
"Not until you say please~" Sasuke kept glaring, then looked away. I continued to smirk at him. I could honestly wait all day. Well. At least until noon.
"Please get me out of here," he muttered.
"Of course," I bowed gallantly, then used an earth jutsu to pull him out. It wasn't too hard now that there was already chakra in the ground. "Now, duck butt, what is your oh so brilliant mind telling you?"
"I've got to get a bell before lunch," he muttered, ignoring me. "That doesn't leave much time." Then he glanced at my chest. I'd be offended if it weren't for the fact that I knew he was looking at the bell.
"If you're planning on reaching down my bra, you've got another think coming."
"Tch. Like I need your bell. A while ago, I touched the remaining bell. I can take it the next time. Unlike you, I'm strong enough to take the bell." I shrugged.
"I'm a lazy person by nature, Sasuke. I take what I can get when I can get it. If you aren't willing to do that, then maybe you should just give up and try again next year." Sasuke glared at me, but something about it was different. I met his gaze, blinking slowly. He looked away and I felt his chakra darkening. Cue dramatic wind.
"I'm the only one who can kill that man," he whispered. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself as well. "I am an avenger. That means I must be stronger than my prey. I need this training; there's no time for setbacks."
"While I'm sure that's true, the timer is going to go off any minute now, so you might want to work on getting that bell," I drawled, shoving my hands in my pockets and walking past him. The ringing of the alarm centered me. "Well, what do you know? There it is. Come on, Sasuke."
As it turned out, Naruto heeded my advice when I suggested taking the lunches hostage. Unfortunately, Sensei caught him and tied him to the middle post. I burst out laughing when I saw him.
"Sorry about the crappy advice, Naruto," I said, poking him in the cheek. "But I got a bell, so that works out." His stomach growled at me, and Sasuke's responded. I could feel my own tightening.
"Uh-oh, stomachs are growling," Sensei said with folded arms. "That's… too bad. Oh, and by the way, about this exercise… Well, I've decided that there's no need to go back to the Academy." Naruto gasped with delight and Sasuke smirked. I merely sat on top of the post Naruto was tied to and blinked. There was something about Kakashi-sensei's chakra that I didn't quite trust. Malicious glee at its finest.
Yup. Definitely a sadist.
"That- that- that means that all three of us…!" Naruto grinned, wriggling in his ropes.
"Yes!" Sensei smiled as if he were talking to young children. "All three of you must quit being ninja." Silence fell across the clearing. I… honestly wasn't expecting that.
"... That's a little harsh, Sensei," I said after several seconds. "Care to explain your reasoning?"
"Quit being ninja?!" Naruto panicked under me. "What do you mean? I mean, you said that if we can't take the bells, we'll be sent back to the Academy, but Inoko got a bell and you're failing her too?!"
"Because not one of you think like shinobi, you think like little kids," he said lazily. "Like brats." Sasuke shot past us, attempting to stab Sensei.
"That's a bad idea," I called after him, but by that point it was too late. Sensei threw him to the ground and sat on his back, one foot on his head and twisting his arm behind him.
"You think it's all about you," Sensei explained. "You don't know what it means to be a ninja, you think it's a game! Why do you think we put you on squads?! Did you consider that question for one second?"
My face went slack. Oh. Oh. Ooohh. I was such an idiot. I, a Yamanaka, part of a clan that is known for its teamwork. Failed to see this basic lesson.
"This is why I shouldn't stay up all night," I muttered, smacking my forehead. "I miss the big picture. You were trying to force us to work together by making it impossible to take a bell by ourselves. I only got one because you weren't anticipating a kawarimi. I'm sure that you would have stopped me in a second if you wanted to."
"Now you get it," he said sarcastically. "The answer to this pass/fail test is teamwork!"
I looked away from his cold stare, embarrassed. Why didn't I think of that? Crap, I know that Shikamaru would have noticed that much. He's going to rub this in my face later, I just know it. And honestly? I felt bad for my teammates. I should have seen this, and told them about it. Yamanaka were supposed to gather information and share it with their teammates. I… didn't.
Sensei sighed heavily. "Well, it seems that you guys understand my point, at least. I'll give you one more chance after lunch. However, Naruto doesn't get any because he tried to steal the lunches." He met our eyes, one by one. "You have half an hour."
Kakashi vanished. I could still sense him hovering around the clearing, waiting to see what we would do. If he was truly expecting me to obey him though, he had another think coming. Honestly, he couldn't have been more obvious if he had tried. Just finished telling us about how our test was about teamwork and looking out for your team, and then he tells us to leave Naruto to starve?
Haha, yeah, no.
"Sasuke, how fast can you eat two thirds of your bento?" I asked out of the corner of my mouth. He frowned at me.
"Why?"
"If we each eat two thirds of our bento, that will leave Naruto two thirds."
"Sensei said not to feed him," Sasuke pointed out, glancing at him. I glanced over as well before meeting his eyes.
"Yeah, I know. I think this is another test. Break the rules in favor of teamwork or abandon teamwork in order to stick to the rules." I scanned the treeline for any sign of Kakashi. "Naruto, I'm going to cut your ropes and give you the rest of my bento, ok? Sasuke and I will do our best to keep Kakashi-sensei off your back while you refuel. I know all those clones must have taken a lot out of you, and you haven't eaten since last night."
I glanced at them, barely waiting for their nods.
"What if this is a trap?" Sasuke asked, shovelling his portion in his mouth.
"Then we all go out fighting. Together. Like shinobi."
Naruto was grinning from ear to ear, and I knew that even if I had damned us, I wouldn't regret my choice. I would be a proper Yamanaka for my team. I would uphold the tenants the Three gave us so long ago.
"Are you guys ready?" I murmured, touching the handle of a kunai.
"Hell yeah!" Naruto shouted. Sasuke and I both glared at him as he visibly cringed. "Sorry."
"Now," I hissed, slicing his ropes. Naruto had barely taken the bento from me when Sensei dropped in front of us with a smoke bomb for added effect.
"What do you think you're doing?" he said with sickening sweetness, a small dose of killing intent in the air.
"Naruto, scram!" I shouted, not taking my eyes off Sensei for a second. I slapped a spare exploding tag on the ground, channeling a bit of chakra into it through my finger. I yanked Sasuke out of the blast radius, and then signed for him to attack. The smoke cover was probably the best chance we had to give Naruto a chance to escape, refuel, and rejoin us.
Sasuke dove forward first, starting with a pair of kunai and following it up with a honestly rather impressive fire jutsu. I doubted Sensei was expecting a technical second explosion after the first, and that ought to give us an advantage, however slight.
I pulled one of my favorite vials out of my pocket. "Eat this, Sensei!" I shouted, and threw it at his feet. I heard him curse before he jumped away from the sizzling and smoking liquid. It didn't react well to oxygen, and tended to eat through most organic materials.
A wind jutsu dissipated the rest of the smoke, and man, Sensei did not look happy. Sasuke was right beside me, shirt smoking and him holding out a kunai between us and Sensei. As if that would stop him from killing us in a heartbeat. I grabbed his sleeve and cut it off. Thankfully he didn't stop me, barely even looked at me. I knew from personal experience that this stuff was not fun to get on your skin.
"You broke the rules," Kakashi observed, a glint in his eye that I didn't like at all.
"The way I see it, I'm going down either way," I snapped, stepping forward so I was next to Sasuke, "and I'd rather go down with my team than alone."
"Hm, I see. And does little Sasuke-kun feel the same way?" I caught Sasuke glancing at me from the corner of my eye before he briefly nodded. "Hm. Well, you know what this means."
He began to form handsigns. I didn't recognize the jutsu, but I sure as hell wasn't going to stand here and let him finish it. I mean, how dumb would I have to be to do that?
I put my hands up into the infamous Yamanaka seal and threw my soul forward. He didn't even move.
Being in someone else's body was… strange, to say the least. No matter how many times I did it, it felt so awkward. Kakashi-sensei was about three and a half inches taller than I had been in my previous life, but after living in a much smaller body for twelve years, I had gotten used to being short. Ne, Sensei, were you expecting this? I said in the now shared mindspace.
I yanked the bell off my new belt and threw it at Sasuke. He caught it with ease.
"Sasuke, track down Naruto and give that to him!" I shouted. The deeper voice threw me off a little, but it was nothing I wasn't used to.
"Inoko!" Naruto shouted, bursting from the trees to hover over my limp body. "Oh my gosh, are you ok? Inoko!"
"I'm fine," I said with amusement. Naruto stopped panicking over my body and looked up.
"What! Did you…?"
"Yes, Naruto, I threw my soul out of my body and took control of our sensei's body," I rolled my eyes. "What do you think I do in my training time, read porn like our beloved sensei?"
"But... You're a girl."
"I'm so glad that you've noticed that, Naruto. Really, I am."
"And you're in a guy's body." I froze.
"Oh, sweet frick on a stick!" I screeched, hopping around. "Oh, gross, gross, gross! This is so gross! How do you guys stand this?!" I demanded just before releasing the jutsu.
"It's so gross," I whined back in my own body.
"I think I've been violated on a personal level," Sensei muttered under his breath.
I pulled the bell from my bra and gave it to Naruto. Sasuke still had the other one in his hand.
"Gross! Boob bell!" Naruto wailed, throwing it back at me. I stuck it down his shirt and laughed as he writhed. "But Inoko, if you have the bell, then you can't pass!"
"Don't care," I shrugged with a small smile. "You're going to be Hokage, and Sasuke has angsty 'avenger' things to do. Me? I'd rather be a psychologist. So, therefore, you two are the ones that should have the bells." Naruto looked at his bell, then at Sasuke's. I could feel Sensei's gaze on us, quietly assessing.
"And here I thought owls were supposed to be wise," Sasuke said, dropping his bell in the remnants of my lunch. I screeched in horror as I dove for it.
"You do not defile an Akimichi deluxe bento with a filthy bell that you have no idea where it's been! This one's yours now, Sasuke. I'm taking what's left of your bento as penance." Sensei began to laugh.
"What's so funny?" Naruto demanded.
"Oh, nothing," Sensei said with a dorky eye smile. "Only that… you passed~" We all stopped and stared at him. "The point of this test is to put the team above yourself, no matter what. I think that you three have shown that pretty well in the past few minutes."
"Nobody cares about your stupid test anymore, Sensei," I deadpanned. I could feel the caffeine crash coming; I wanted some form of food in my stomach to at least alleviate the side effects. "I want to finish my freaking food."
"In a minute, in a minute," he said, walking towards the memorial stone. "Did you three take a look at this? The names engraved on this stone are all shinobi who are honored as village heroes."
"That's it!" Naruto said cheerfully. "I've decided that I wanna have my name engraved on there too!"
"No, you wouldn't like that," I said softly, placing the bento on the ground beside me. There was a heavy feeling in my chest. "These are a special kind of hero."
"Why would I not like that?" he demanded.
"Because those are the names of shinobi that have been killed in action." The elevated mood quickly vanished. "My aunt is on here. She was killed on a mission when I was six." I still remembered how hard my mother cried that day. I walked up next to Sensei and gently touched her name. "I wouldn't doubt that you all have precious people here as well."
May the deer trails guide you home, I prayed silently, letting my hand fall from the stone. May your spirit run with the boars, and may you rest amongst the butterflies.
"This is a memorial stone," Sensei agreed. "The names of my closest friends are on here. People die on missions because their teammates didn't try hard enough. Because they didn't work together. Let this be a lesson to you. Those who break the rules are trash, but those who abandon their friends are even worse trash."
"Wise words," I hummed before looking up at Kakashi. "Well, Sensei? What now?"
"Well, you all pass!" he said cheerfully. "Squad Seven starts its first mission day after tomorrow!"
"Sounds good to me," I shrugged, picking up my pack. As Naruto sang out his victory to the world, I gently poked Sensei. He looked down at me. I offered him another vial, different than the one I'd thrown at him earlier. "Here. This should help with the chemical burns. Believe me, you don't want to leave that untreated any longer than you absolutely have to." I hesitated, glancing at the boys. "I don't know who you lost, but I don't think that we'll go the same way." I gave him a flat look. "That was then, and this is now. Leave the past in the past. Try to remember that." Well, it's a start on repairing the utter mess that is Hatake Kakashi, I thought, feeling his gaze bore into my back. Too much? Maybe. But he'll learn soon enough that I'm not your average kid.
I chose roughly that moment to crash from sleep deprivation. Because I was an idiot that didn't think she needed sleep. Fun.
The last thing I thought before falling asleep was how blue the sky was that day.
5/27 Bell test. Uchiha Sasuke: performed as expected. Demonstrated the Uchiha Grand Fireball jutsu and adequate taijutsu. Dislikes teamwork and his teammates. He seems to feel that they'll hold him back. He mentioned during our first meeting that he wished to 'kill a certain someone'. Suspect he spoke of his brother.
Uzumaki Naruto: performed as expected. Headstrong with no regard for his own safety. Demonstrated the kage bunshin and barely adequate taijutsu. Dislikes Sasuke strongly and seems unsure of Inoko. Has ambition to become Hokage. Strong fondness of ramen. Seems slightly stupid.
Yamanaka Inoko: did not have sufficient opportunity to observe abilities. Hid during entire exercise, only appearing to steal a bell bait for a trap and at the end. Used signature Mind Transfer jutsu against me to give remaining bell to Sasuke. Gave bell she had stolen to Naruto, claiming that she wanted to be a psychologist. Stayed up entire night before to set up traps, strongly suspect insomnia. Strong sensitivity to genjutsu, being able to identify when she was under and break them. Appears to be fond of teammates, but didn't realize the point of exercise until prompted. Might have caffeine addiction.
All three passed. Will test Inoko's knowledge further.