A/N:
Sorry for the OOC Carmen. I felt like I was channeling Sanji instead... but you'll forgive me because it's... Carmen, right? XD
Sanji Kitetsu Chapter 14
Sanji considers himself to be rather talkative. After all, being a sword doesn't give you a ton of choices in terms of entertainment. It never occurred to him to consider if his masters or fellow swords enjoyed his conversations, so he talked essentially whenever he had things to talk about. That is, as it seems, until a few hours ago.
His current master is giving him the silent treatment.
That's not technically correct, considering the moss ball has never been one to initiate conversations in the first place. It's just that Sanji, for some mysterious reason, is suddenly hyper-aware of how unwelcome his voice is to the swordsman. The man did Sanji's routine post-battle cleaning and sheathed him when Usopp finished repairing his sheath, all without a single glance to his hilt.
And Sanji hasn't been able to make a peep since.
That's not correct either. Sanji, being utterly confused by the swordsman's attitude, sought advice from the one who has known him the longest.
Did I say something wrong? He whispered to the lady in white.
That's just how he is. He's never been good at sharing. The white blade whispered back.
That answer left Sanji even more confused.
Now the man is lounging in his usual seat in the galley, with his newly sewn feet up on the dining table, glaring holes in the beautiful cook's back. Said cook, who's in the middle of dinner preparations, is also uncharacteristically lacking in her flamboyant display of skills. She's currently chopping vegetables the way everyone else chops vegetables, and all that can be heard in the galley is the sound of her knife hitting the cutting board.
Sanji opens his figurative mouth to comment on how rude the moss head is and how uncomfortable he's making the lady feel, but that undeniably thick air of Keep-Your-Mouth-Shut dissolves his words once again. He resigns to watching the scene unfold from his spot leaning on the table.
The chopping slows to a pause after a few long minutes, and Carmen inhales before speaking.
"Look, I'm sorry about breaking your sword sheath. I jumped to conclusions when I saw your things scattered on the ground." The lady says with her eyes still glued to the cutting board.
When Zoro doesn't answer, she resumes chopping.
"You injured your hand." The swordsman says after another long minute.
"Just a splinter."
"Don't you cooks have a thing about protecting your hands?"
"Where did you hear that from?"
"A meddling idiot who thinks he's a cook." Zoro throws the cursed blade a sideways glance. "But the way he puts it, I thought every legitimate cook who's ever had to fight would learn this at some point in their training."
To that, Carmen throws the knife onto the cutting board in a loud clash and turns to face the swordsman.
"Oh, so now a third rate swordsman who happens to be a pirate-HUNTER-turned-pirate gets to question the legitimacy of my training as a COOK over the way I fight in battles?" The furious redhead digs both fists onto the counter surface of the kitchen island. "You got me. I'm self taught. No one ever told me which body part I'm supposed to protect. But there's no way in hell I'm letting you eat MY FOOD while you question MY LEGITIMACY as a cook. You're welcome to have that meddling idiot of a friend cook your meals from now on." With that, the cook slams a pot onto the stove top, turns on the stove, and returns to her chopping with more force than before.
Sanji shoots his insensitive master an invisible glare on behalf of the angry cook, only to find the swordsman already looking at him with an "I told you so" smirk.
Only because you made it sound like a personal attack! The cursed blade retorts, finally finding his voice.
Why don't you give it a try? Go on, what would you say that could possibly get her on board with your intrusive-as-hell idea of changing her entire fighting style to fit YOUR assumption of what a cook should care about?
She said no one told her before, and now that you brought it to her attention, it's only a matter of time before she agrees.
And if she doesn't?
She will. Look, every decent cook treasures their hands. It's like how every decent swordsman treasures their blades. Sanji pauses. The swordsman raises a questioning eyebrow at him, to which the cursed blade finds himself defensive. I KNOW this about cooks. I don't know how, but it's not a fucking assumption. I KNOW.
Zoro lets out a low sigh and goes back to watching the back of the busy cook.
Alright, so we just wait?
Uhm... first, you'd better apologize.
What? Why?
You offended her. Duh.
I say everything you tell me to say to her, and I still have to apologize?
No, I didn't tell you to insult her... Ok fine, let me give you word-for-word instructions this time so you don't mess this up again. Say "Sorry my angel, I didn't mean to challenge your credentials. You're a wonderful cook."
The swordsman rolls his eyes.
Come on Moss, this is important. She has to feel like she can turn to us for advice when she decides she wants to learn how to fight without her hands. Or would you rather not be allowed to eat her food from now on and starve to death?
"... Didn't mean to start a fight." The swordsman finally mumbles after a few awkward seconds. "My bad." He adds.
Shithead! That's not what I said!
Close 'nough.
The redhead doesn't reply, but the banging sound of her pan softens slightly as she tosses the chopped vegetables.
Now change the subject. Talk about something she likes.
Like?
Sanji rakes his imaginary brain to find a suitable topic. They have to get this one right, or things could be worse than if the moss ball hadn't apologized.
All Blue! Ask her if she knows about All Blue.
Who doesn't-
Just do it.
"Do you know about All Blue?" The man squeezes the question out of his teeth.
Carmen is visibly surprised at the question, but before she answers, the voice of the princess rings throughout the ship.
"EVERYONE! IT'S AN EMERGENCY! NAMI HAS FALLEN WITH AN EXTREMELY HIGH FEVER!"