It was hard for Izuku to put a word on how he felt.
Fresh? Somewhat, but not really. Strong? Well, he wouldn't go that far. Perhaps… Invigorated. He supposed that it, of all of the options, may have fit the best.
And it felt amazing.
He chased after the ball, weaving around his classmates with a singular goal. The rugged blacktop was hot, and the June air was sticky, making the entire court feel like the inside of a rice steamer. The sun, lazy orange in the blue sky, watched the game with mild disinterest, while clusters of clouds meandered with the wind, pondering whether they should let go of their rainy package today or tomorrow. The students passed the ball back and forth, shouting over the sounds of traffic as the tried to land a shot in the other team's hoop.
It was nice. Comfortable, even.
"Over here!" Izuku piped up, raising his arms as he tried to shoulder around a boy with a long, hook-like nose. The boy pushed back, but Izuku held his ground, completely focused on the ball.
Izuku had actually found himself looking forward to gym today, which even he knew was odd. But even after this morning's run, Izuku had energy to burn. He still had practice tonight, but after resting all of yesterday, his muscles not only felt clean and refreshed, but also the distinct need to do something. Sitting still in a chair for hours on end just made him get twitchy. Well, twitchier than usual. And so when the bell rang for gym, he had been the first out on the court, wanting to stretch his legs.
"Catch!" His teammate passed the ball Izuku's way, and the boy snatched it out of the air before the long-nosed kid had a chance to. The moment the ball landed in his hands, Izuku was already moving, each and every part of him going through practiced movements. Duck, twist, keep the ball out of their reach.
Was there anyone to pass to? One, two… Three solid options. No, Two. That boy was too short, and slow to react, from what Izuku had seen; the boy blocking him would definitely be able to steal the ball. He dribbled forward a few paces, trying to out-maneuver his classmates and find an open shot. Right, left… pass!
He threw the ball to his teammate, careful to maintain good form. It flew through the air in a perfect parabola, exactly as intended, before his teammate caught it and did his own part, trying to get it to the other end of the court.
"Good hustle, Midoriya!" Coach Goya's gruff voice resonated from a few courts away, the deep sound easily piercing the din of the basketball courts. "Keep it up!"
"T-thanks!" Izuku popped up, his eyes wide in surprise, but he beamed at the praise anyway. Maybe he wasn't the one making goals, but he was getting better, and that was the important part. He narrowed his eyes, once again focusing on the ball as his optimistic smile narrowed into one of honed determination. Back to the game.
There was a crude sneer, and Izuku's gaze flicked to the sound's origin.
Kacchan.
Izuku scowled. He could feel the boy's red eyes burning into him, and could hear him growling under his breath. A bit of blood drained from Izuku's face, but he tried to swallow his fear.
Ignore him.
Ignore him.
Focus on the game.
Izuku kept moving, focused solely on winning. That was one of the reasons he had come to like gym class. In his other classes, he couldn't do anything, or he'd stand out. He had to sit there, nose in his notebook and maybe quietly take some notes. He had brought a grip machine to class, just to use under his desk, but… he had felt the stares. He still brought it, of course, since he needed to train whenever and however possible, but it he could still feel the odd glance tossed towards him.
Here, though, it was different. He didn't have to worry about that, or at least, not as much. He had a goal, one that everyone else had too. And it let him shut out those stares, shut out their judgement.
So long as he was improving, so long as he was getting closer to being a hero, their stares could only do so much.
And so, he focused on the game, feeling time pass just as quickly as the ball through the air.
"Ok, everyone!" Goya cupped his hands around his mouth as he shouted, halting the games that were in motion. "Let's pack it up! Good job today!"
There were a few weak "sures" and "understoods" as the exhausted students mulled about, gathering up basketballs and water bottles. Izuku slowed to a stop, catching his breath as he scooped up the ball he had been dribbling just a moment before. He glanced around, catching sight of one of his teammates, one with particularly long fingers. Giving him a nervous wave, Izuku smile weakly as his chest heaved. His teammate took a swig from his water bottle, then wiped the residue from his lips. "Yeah, what's up?"
"I, uh, was wondering if you knew what the score was." Izuku tossed the basketball up in the air, and caught it again as he walked towards his classmate.
"Huh? Oh, uh…" The boy looked up, as though the clouds might reveal the answer, before frowning and waving over a friend. "… Hey, Watanabe, what was the score?"
"A fifty-six to fifty-six tie; that last-three pointer didn't count." Watanabe, the boy with the long nose, fanned himself with his shirt, trying to cool off.
"Whaaat? Nah, man, that's bullshit!" The two turned away, engaged in their own discussion as they walked towards the gate. "Why doesn't the three-pointer count?"
"Oh, uh, well…" Izuku waved at the two, but neither responded, more focused on their own bickering. "... Thanks."
He took a moment just to watch everyone clean up, a tightness in his chest.
It… it didn't really matter, did it? They had never cared about him, so why worry about it now? So long as they were having fun, it was all okay. He just needed to do the best he could.
Izuku looked up at the hoop, spinning the ball in one hand as he eyed the peeling paint and rusting metal. He had to put the ball away, but… why not just one more shot? After all, today had been a good day, and this would be a nice bow on top. Not a single one of those points came from him, but he still felt warm pride swell up in his chest.
He rolled his shoulders, loosening up the joints and muscles before the lactic acid set in. Spread his stance, get the right angle, and…
Jumping just enough to start the inertia, he took his shot. A clean shot, a good ark, looking like it will go in-
"Deku!" The ball was ruthlessly smacked to the ground.
"Wha-?" Izuku nearly jumped out of his skin, too focused on the ball to notice the blond approach. His face went ghostly white as his eyes were caught between tracking the rapidly approaching teenager and the rapidly departing ball. He took a few steps forward, chasing the ball towards the chain-link fence, but was cut off by a smoldering Kacchan. Izuku looked at the boy, and then over his shoulder, a concerned light in his eye as he attempted to slip around the boy.
"Uh, K-Kacchan, can I, um, get p-past yo-" His sentence was interrupted by a pained gasp as he was slammed against the fence.
"Shuddup, Deku!" Kacchan growled, his eyes narrow and his voice dropping to little more than a whisper. An vicious, deadly whisper that made every hair on Izuku's body stand on end. "I have somethin' I wanna tell you."
"Uh, w-what?" Izuku shrung under the blond's red glare, his eyes darting back and forth in a futile attempt to find an escape route.
Kacchan grit his teeth, and leaned down, just centimeters away from Izuku's ear. "Piss off, got it?"
Izuku's wild gaze paused for a moment, fixed on his friend like a mouse would watch a cat. "... Huh?"
"You've been getting in my way during gym, and it's pissing me off!" Kacchan raised his voice, no longer bothering to hide his explosive rage.
"Oh, well, uh…" What? He tried his hardest to breathe, but his lungs refused to function properly. What did that even mean? He hadn't been getting in the boy's way, had he? Izuku had just been playing normally, trying his best to avoid Kacchan all together. "I'm sorry?"
"No you aren't! You think I'm stupid?" Kacchan yelled at the cowering boy, his palms sparking in such a way that advised not answering his question.
Izuku waved his hands in front of him, shaking his head with as much confidence as his rising panic would allow him. "N-no, of course not!"
"Then why are you lying?" Kacchan spoke through bared teeth, a wild dog. "I see how hard you're working to make me look bad!"
"Wha-?" To make him look bad? How could Izuku make him look bad? Kacchan was better in every way! "T-that's not the point at all!"
"Bullshit! I've seen you training, and I've seen that freak you meet at the gate!" Fiery accusations poured out of the boy's mouth, his eyes burning red. "And we all know you're not gonna be a hero, so what else could it be for?"
Izuku flinched away, pressing himself against the fence as though he could phase through it if he tried hard enough. He knew he wasn't strong. He knew that being a hero was practically impossible for him. He knew he'd probably fail, but-
Wait.
"... Freak?"
"Yeah, I said it!" Having found a chink in the armor, a demented smile spread across Kacchan's face. "The deku and the freak! The most useless fairytale I've ever fucking heard!"
He's wrong. She isn't a freak.
He's just saying things. Just like he always does. Just like how he always made fun of Izuku. But…
But it wasn't about him this time.
Toga was a lot of things. She was weird, and unnerving at times, and even sometimes downright scary. But... But she cared. She cared more than anyone else. She cared when everyone else beat him down.
Izuku's hand slipped into his pocket, his fingers tracing the tips of something long and metallic, and he clamped his jaw shut, willing himself not to speak.
"And just look at her face for god's sake!"
Izuku grit his teeth, hold back words he knew he'd regret. His fists shook, and his eyes were firmly planted on the concrete beneath his feet.
"Has so much fuckin' makeup on it you could paint a house!"
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up shut up shut up!
"... Shut up." His voice was small, just two weak words leaving his dry mouth.
"What was that?" Kacchan smiled like a gambler that already knew he had won, a pleasure-seeking demon that took pride in how much his victims suffered.
The same twisted smile he always had.
Izuku snapped.
"I said shut up!" His head shot up, a raging inferno trapped within his emerald eyes. His knuckles itched, screaming at him to throw that first punch. "You act like you know what freaks are, you act like you know what heroes are, but you don't! You don't at all! You say I can't be a hero, but want to know who really can't?" He stabbed the blond in the chest with his finger, poking the bear. "You! Heroes help people, but you're just a bully! You don't care about others! The only thing you care about it being strong!"
"You…" For a moment, Kacchan eyes went wide, and Izuku could practically see what he was thinking. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, couldn't believe Izuku would do anything but cower and cry.
Well, he best believe it, because this deku was done toeing that line.
Kacchan's shock quickly melted away, replaced by an infuriated snarl. "You think you can tell me how to be a hero? A deku like you?"
Izuku responded with a growl, low and deep like a wolf preparing to lash out in a flurry of fangs and fur. "You'll never be a hero, not a real one. You're just a power-hungry narcissist who was born lucky! You're no better than a vi-!" A fist slammed into Izuku's jaw, and the fence rattled behind him.
"Shut up, deku!" Another punch. And another. One to the gut. Another to the face. The taste of blood, sticky and metallic, filled his mouth, and he had to fight to keep the contents of his stomach inside. But he just needed stay on his feet.
That's all he needed to win.
He clung to the fence, the rough metal digging into his fingers and his head slamming against it every other punch. But the punches slowed, becoming sloppy and uncontrolled. Kacchan threw out another aimed for Izuku's face, wild and off balance, but in that moment-
- It was his chance.
Izuku sidestepped, and some part of him heard Kacchan swear as his knuckles met a metal fence instead of his victim's face. But the victim didn't think about that. He was only focused on one thing.
His goal.
Izuku's movements were fluid and efficient, honed by Toga's training. His body now, even bruised and exhausted, responded to his commands faster and with more power than it ever had before. It wasn't a quirk, but when his knuckles met Kacchan's jaw, when the large boy stumbled back, reeling from the uppercut…
It was invigorating.
"… I'll... I'll beat you." Izuku took a moment to sooth his burning lungs, but his fists never dropped. Everything hurt. Izuku's face was already starting to puff up with purple spots, and blood oozed from his split lip. His jaw throbbed, and his organs felt like they were all in the wrong places. But despite that, Izuku couldn't stop the barest of determined smiles from crawling onto his face. He licked away the blood that coated his teeth, and glared at the blond boy, speaking with the deadly whisper of a viper ready to strike. "Katsuki, I'm gonna beat you, and I'm gonna become a hero. A better hero than you could ever be. One that actually helps people."
"You little..!"
"Break it up, break it up!" Coach Goya threw his large body between the two students, his round gut heaving as he tried to recover from running across the basketball courts. "For the love of all things heroic, calm down!"
"Get out of the way, old man!" Kacchan spat out a glob of spit and blood, and tried to run around the giant, while Izuku ducked his head and hid his face behind his fists. Kacchan's hands were popping like firecrackers, but before either could throw another punch, Goya's large hands pushed them apart.
"Calm down!" An exasperated sigh left the coach's lips, and he shook his head. "Christ, you kids need help."
)ooOoo(
When the adrenaline wore off, the anxiety set in.
Izuku sucked in sharp breaths as the school nurse ran a cotton swab full of alcohol against his split lip.
"Hey, just a bit more, ok?" The middle aged woman smiled sympathetically, and finished up her work as quickly as possible. She stood up, looking over the boy one last time, before nodding in satisfaction. "Well, you should be good to go! Just be careful, and try not to get into any more fights!" She laughed, but it was a forced motion, with concern leaking into her voice.
"S-sure!" Izuku tried to smile back, but the movement fell apart halfway through. "So, should I, uh… return to class?"
"Oh, about that, the principal requested to see you when I was done." The nurse pulled off her rubber gloves, and began washing her hands in a small sink beside the chair Izuku was sitting in. But upon seeing the blood drain from the boy's face, she quickly added to her statement. "But don't worry, it doesn't sound like you're in trouble!"
"Well, that's, uh, that's good…" His voice tapered off, a his eyes looking everywhere but the nurse. "I-I'll be going, then…"
The woman gave him a small wave as he pushed himself out of the chair and left the nurse's office. Despite his throat being as dry as stone, he still swallowed, and nervously made his way down the hallway, pressed up against the wall even though the entire hall was empty. Honestly, the lack of other students only made him feel more nervous. It only served to remind him that they were all in class, and he was supposed to be to. But… but he had messed up.
Why had he done that? Stupid! He had practically egged Kacchan on, of course the boy attacked him! He might've been angry with, or rather, because he was so angry with the boy earlier, it was his fault. The nurse might've said he wasn't in trouble, but that couldn't be true. He got into a fight! A-and they were going to call his mom. Oh god, how was Mom going to react? Would she be angry? She definitely wouldn't be happy, at least. Maybe he could try and convince the principal to let him tell his mom, instead of someone else? That way he could explain it more gently, and she wouldn't freak out. He'd still have to deal with detention, suspension even, but at least he could spare his mom a little stress that way. The thoughts swirled around his head, and he bit his sore lip as he climbed up the stairs.
He quickly reached a door the color of a rotten log, but hesitated before knocking. A… a gameplan. Make a game plan. First, apologize. Ask what his punishment was. And then, after going through that, ask if he could be the one to tell Mom. Yeah. That sounded… well, not good, but the best he could hope for. He clenched his jaw, and tried his hardest to ignore the electric current surging through his stomach.
Izuku rapped his knuckles against the wooden door, and almost immediately, there was a response. "Come in!"
The door creaked open, the green-haired boy stepping through it with the confidence of a shrew. "I-... I was told you wanted to speak with me?"
"Ah, yes!" The man behind the desk, with a set of glasses as thick as window panes and all of the head's hair located on his upper lip, shuffled the papers on his desk and gestured towards one of the chairs across from him. He smiled in that weary way that made Izuku wonder how long he had been waiting to retire. "Please sit! How are you feeling?"
"I'm, uh, I'm ok, sir." Izuku stuttered, his mind racing to understand the reasons behind the man's friendliness. He shuffled over to the chair as fast as he reasonably could, and plopped down on the plastic padding, his back as straight as a board.
"That's good..!" The old man opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, trying to find his words. He fiddled with one of the ornaments on his desk in a desperate attempt to make the silence less oppressive, before coughing into his fist, and beginning. "It has come to my attention that you and Mr. Bakugou had some… unpleasant discourse… earlier today. Do you have anything you'd like to explain about your behavior?"
Izuku nodded, and bowed his head, his gaze shooting between his feet and the principal's face. "I... I just wanted to apologize for my actions. What I did was… I-it was wrong of me. I assure you, it won't happen again!" His voice cracked, but he spoke with as much authenticity and confidence as he could muster. "I understand that I still must deal with a my punishment, and… And I understand that you have to be harsh."
The principal's eyes lingered over Izuku, and the boy twitched under the man's prying gaze. He… he knew what he did was wrong. He just hoped the principal would understand how much he regretted it. The older man tapped his pen against his desk, and for several moments, Izuku couldn't breath.
But the principal simply let out a long, relieved sigh, and nodded. "That's… That's good. I was worried, actually. If you didn't recognize what you did was wrong, I would've had to have been more strict in your punishment."
Izuku let out the breath he had been holding, and lifted his head. "Th-thank you, sir."
The man twirled the pen in his hand, and leaned back in his chair. "Of course. Considering your sincerity, I'll be lenient, and let this slip." His eyes flickered towards the student, and he caught the pen, pointing it at Izuku. "Just this once."
"Really?" A hopeful smile came to Izuku's face, but it flickered for a moment. "W-what about Kacchan? What will happen to him?"
"Mr. Bakugou?" The principal raised a bushy eyebrow. "I have already spoken with him, and we've reached the same conclusion."
… Huh? Izuku attempted to imagine his childhood apologizing, but nothing he could think of seemed… well, possible.
"B-but… why?" Izuku spoke softly, uncertain if he should even be asking. The school was just going to pretend that this never happened?
"Well, simply put, I'd rather sweep this all under the rug." The principal smiled nervously, his forced positivity piling high as he skirted around the question. "So long as the two of you have learned your lesson, I see no reason to mark this down on the record. My job as an educator is to help you learn and grow, not punish you."
"You're not going to record this happened?" That wasn't how things were supposed to work. Even if they weren't punished, it had to be recorded. It had to be put on record. If it wasn't how could the school be accountable? "But isn't that against school policy?"
The man's smile drooped, as though subtly warning him not to push too far. "... Do you want this on your record?"
"Well, no, but…" Izuku fidgeted under the man's critical eye, twiddling his fingers and pulling at his shirt. Even if he didn't want it on his record, per se, rules were rules, and...
"Mr. Midoriya, both of you are so young, and sometimes children make mistakes." The old man spoke very solemnly, lacing his fingers together. "For Mr. Bakugou, a report like this could ruin his chances at getting accepted to U.A., despite how hard he's worked."
And in that moment, everything the teacher was saying clicked in Izuku's mind.
This wasn't about Izuku apologizing. It wasn't about making sure he was alright, or applying the school's rules in an even handed way.
"This… This is about his chances of getting into U.A.?"
"Well, uh, yes, in some ways. I'm sure you... have goals of your own, so no doubt you can understand." The principal gave a lopsided grin, and nodded. "From what I've been told, Mr. Bakugou has worked his whole life to be a hero, and as his teacher, I don't want a small incident like this to ruin his dream."
Izuku clenched his fists, a small fire sparking to life in his soul. That's what this was about. The man didn't even bother pretending it wasn't. The school wanted to hide this, all because Kacchan was trying to get into U.A.. They were ignore school rules, rule designed to keep them accountable, rules designed to keep students safe, just so that they could get a student into a hero academy. That wasn't how this was supposed to work. That's not how any of this is supposed to work.
He had been beaten up, bullied, abused, he had even bowed his head, worried about his punishment, and their response was to pretend nothing had happened? To call it a 'small incident' and then move on?
Izuku grit his teeth, but didn't look up.
"... His dream?"
"Um... yes." The man scratched his chin, and clicked his pen.
Not Izuku's dream. No, of course not. Kacchan was the strong one. He was the one everyone gambled on. The one everyone protected. Just because of his quirk, he could get away with anything, and everyone would still just cheer him on. He just wanted to-!
Calm, calm down. Just calm down for a moment. He let out a long, shaky breath as the tension left his body. It had always been like this, hadn't it? The rules didn't exist for Kacchan. The rules didn't exist for the strong. But… but nothing he could say would change the principal's mind. Looking at the man, seeing the casual way he admitted his bias, he probably didn't even see it as wrong. His… his only option was to retreat. Cut his losses, and think up some excuse to tell Mom. There were only so many realistic reasons for him to be this beaten up.
"... I, I understand." Izuku pushed himself out of his chair and bowed, shaking from both shock and anger. "Th-thank you for being so lenient with me, sir."
"Of course!" The man smiled, seemingly relieved, and began sorting through his papers once again. "I am only here to help, after all! Feel free to come and speak with me if whenever you feel you need to."
Izuku nodded curtly, and quickly stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. Yes, the principal was there to help; that much was obvious.
But what was just as easy to see was that he wasn't there to help Izuku.
He ran his fingers over the edge of his knife, a dark scowl spreading across his face.
)ooOoo(
Now, what sort of girl did Izu-kun like?
Himiko coiled her headphone cord around her finger, rocking her head to the music as her fluorine yellow eyes scanned through the crowd of departing students. Her gaze followed the girls in particular, as if to find reference points for her question, and she couldn't help but smile gleefully as she pondered the thought.
How would she speak? What would her interests be? Her quirk? Hair color? Eye color? Ooh, the eyes were an important part! Izu-kun's eyes were Himiko's favorite, a delicate balance between childish innocence and steel determination. So any girl for him would have to have nice eyes too!
Oh, so many questions, so many details! Himiko could spend hours pondering the simple question, she already knew it! Her heart clamored against its restraints, demanding answers. Could... she just ask him? She gingerly held a finger against her chin, and rolled her head to one side. But then, a thin smile spread across her face, competing with her lovesick blush for control. No, of course not! That would take all of the fun out of it! And besides, she already knew how he would answer. She could already see it in her mind's eye, tinkering with the image and giggling. He'd be blushing uncontrollably, sputtering as he tried to both answer honestly and avoid embarrassment. He wouldn't give her any answers, but maybe it was worth asking just to see that reaction. Her eyes drifted upwards, watching the slow roll of fluffy clouds as her focus turned inwards. Let's see…
Izuku would want a cute girl, of course. Everyone liked cute girls, after all! But aside from that…
A gentle girl. She could tell he was a quiet soul, the sort that needed to be cherished. He'd need someone that he could relax around, and be open with. Someone who he didn't need a special reason to spend time with. A scene bloomed in her mind, Izuku and some girl, snuggled together on a sofa in comfortable silence as they read. A smile came to Himiko's face. A slightly sad smile.
Would he ever meet a girl like that? She hoped so.
"Toga?"
"Hiya, Izu-kun!" She would recognize that timid voice anywhere. For an odd moment, Himiko didn't move, simply watching the clouds pass. "Do you have a favorite type of cloud? Mine are the pink, fluffy ones from around sunset."
"... Not really? I, uh, I don't think about it a lot." He spoke hesitantly, as though walking across cracked ice. He was selecting each word with a cautious hand, she could hear it in his voice. It was endearing, like watching a baby opossum try and decide between jumping to greet her or scurry up it's tree.
Of course, opossums always chose the tree.
"Really?" She plucked her earbuds out, wrapping them around her hand and shoving them in her pocket. "Well, that's okay! Did anything special happen today?"
"Oh, uh… In some ways, I guess…" He shrunk back, and Himiko quirked an eyebrow, an intrigued smile spreading across her face as she spun around. Now what could that mean? She caught herself on her heel, her hands laced together behind her back. And the moment she saw him, her heart skipped a beat.
His face was one of Himiko's favorite features. Kind green eyes that held that special spark of enthusiasm, a sprinkling of dark freckles, a set of soft and pinchable cheeks. So, at the sight of it, swollen, busted, and blue, the girl couldn't help but smile a bit more genuinely.
Or, at least, a bit more hungerly.
"So…" Her voice was low, almost teasing as she closed the distance between them, her eyes scouring his body. "... Was it fun?"
"W-what do you mean?" Izuku twitched nervously, refusing to meet her gaze, and she couldn't the urge to lick her sharp teeth.
"You know what you did." She spoke slowly, trying her best to be mysterious and intimidating. She wasn't sure if it was because she was good at it, or because Izuku was just the little bundle of nerves she so adored, but when he sucked in a sharp breath of air and looked at the cement, his eyes full of shame, Himiko knew it was working.
"Look, I, uh, I know that I shouldn't have done it." He clenched his fists, struggling to force the words out "It… it was wrong of me, but… I was just so angry, and…."
"Shshshsh…" She whispered into his ear, pressing a finger over his lips. "Just promise me something."
He swallowed his guilt, and nodded. "... W-what is it?"
She held his jaw, and somber green met toxic yellow. "Promise to never cheat on me again."
There were a few moments of passing silence as Himiko watched the gears in his head turn. Izuku furrowed his eyebrows, and opened his mouth to speak, carefully selecting exactly what he wanted to say…
"... Huh?" All of the weight and dread in his voice fizzled, replaced with blank confusion. Himiko saw his mind go blank through his eyes, and she burst out laughing.
"Wha-! No, I would never-!" Izuku's face blossomed pink, just like one of the the cherry blossoms of months ago. "I mean, w-we're not dating anyway, so-!"
"Aww, really? Even after everything we've done together, you don't even want to go on a date?" She hung from his shoulders, whimpering like a kicked puppy, before a smile played at the edges of her lips.
"T-that's not what I meant at all, I just-!" His tongue stumbled over his words, but he just barely caught himself before the words slipped out. What words? Himiko knew what they were. It was written all over his face, so plain and obvious that even a blind mole could see it. But still…
Deep underneath the many layers of messy makeup and plastered on smiles, Himiko's heart ached.
Izuku always seemed to stop himself. Every time, at the very last moment, he held himself back. He refused to tell her. He was afraid of something. Rejection? Embarrassment? Losing a friend?
No.
She ran her tongue over her teeth, feeling the sharp grooves of her canines, and tried to ignore the knot in her stomach. He was just like everyone else, she could tell. Despite the way he stuttered and blushed, she could see it in his eyes, the way he looked at her.
He was afraid of her.
"Hey Izu-kun!" Himiko let go, stumbling back as she snapped her companion out of his stammering. "Let's go get a snack!"
She was hungry. Always so hungry.
But… to satisfy that desire, she have to give him up. Just like all of the others. Reach the peak of ecstasy, only to leave him bleeding out on the pavement.
And Himiko had never wanted that, not for anyone.
)ooOoo(
The sun had just set below the horizon, casting the world in long, cool shadows. Izuku was thankful for it, really; after the long, hot day, the cool breeze felt good against his sweaty skin. His limbs felt like they were filled with lead, and his face was still sore from earlier, but he was happy. Happy in that tired, satisfied way that only seemed to come about after a hard workout.
He plodded up the stairs to his apartment, his knees aching, and Toga walked ahead of him, playfully dashing up and down the steps. Izuku stared at her with a mix of admiration and dismay. How on earth could she be so energetic? She had done all of the exercises alongside him, but she seemed just as bouncy as before they even started. She was amazing.
Or maybe he was just that bad. Izuku cast a sidelong glance, and a sigh slipped past his lips.
"Hm?" Toga peered back over her shoulder, an inquisitive smile on her face. "What's wrong, Izu-kun?"
"Oh, uh," Izuku was caught between meeting her gaze and doing everything possible to avoid it. "It's nothing. I was just... thinking about training."
Toga nodded in approval, and skipped up a few steps, as though she was physically required to release a certain amount of happy energy every second. "You've improved a lot these past few weeks! You actually have muscles now!" She grinned toothily, proud of his achievement, but in some ways, it only made him feel worse.
"Y-yeah… Thanks…" He tried to draw his lips into a smile, but it wasn't particularly effective. It still wasn't enough. It had been almost two months. Twenty percent of his training. Time was passing too quickly. Was he improving fast enough? Was he getting stronger fast enough? He had… well, he wouldn't say won, but he had held his ground against Kacchan, and that had to count for something. He might want to up his strength training, though. Just in case.
His training with Toga had been going decently, but getting used to her fighting style was... difficult. That was the best word for it. Her style relied on striking key joints and muscles, which made sense in many ways; he couldn't piledrive through an opponent's armor, so he had to aim for its weaknesses, and exploit them. It made sense to Izuku, at least on a logical level. But it was difficult in a different way that the other exercises. During his runs, he was held back by weakness, painfully bad stamina and sore muscles, but during his fights, he was held back by…
Fear, he supposed? It was the only word that really fit. He could hold form, he could even keep up with Toga's movements sometimes, but when there was a chance to strike… he just couldn't. He would see a chance, a slipup, an opportunity to end the fight, but he couldn't bear to even imagine the blade touching Toga's skin. Because every time an opportunity presented itself, those vicious, twisted thoughts entered his mind.
He disgusted himself. And, if he did aim to win… He could hurt her. She had taught him to aim for muscles and veins, and should he hit his mark...
A silver brush painting white skin red. A pair of lips, licked clean. A set of dagger-like teeth, strained crimson.
His innards twisted into knots, but not at the thoughts themselves; much rather, he was sickened by the realization that the images in his mind didn't disgust him.
Stop! For the love of all things heroic, stop! This… this obsession… was nothing short of villainous! What All Might think if he saw it? Or Mom? Or anyone? It was simple! It was disgusting, and unsafe, and… and he could hurt Toga.
But she did it too.
No! Don't try and justify it! Don't try and make it seem acceptable!
Izuku tried to push the thoughts away, but it only made them impossible to ignore. He… he could remember how it felt. Pinned to the ground. His heart throbbing in his chest. His hot breath mingling with her's as the cold blade was drawn across his throat...
He grimaced, squeezing his fists until the knuckles were white, but came back to reality when he realized they had reached his floor. "Oh, we're, uh, we're here." He tried to force a smile, so fake he had no doubt Toga's prying yellow eyes saw right through it, and opened the door to his apartment. "... Well, uh, bye T-"
"Izuku?" Both Izuku and Toga perked up at the sound of Mom's shouting from the apartment. "Is that you and Toga out there?"
Before Izuku could answer, Toga threw open the door. "Hiya, Mrs. Midoriya!"
Mom stuck her head out of the kitchen, peeking at the two children in the entrance as a grin spread across her round face. "Hello there, Toga-chan! Izuku, how about you invite her in?" She said it in the way that, to anyone who wasn't a Midoriya, it sounded like a pleasant suggestion; but both of the Midoriyas knew it was a bit more 'forceful recommendation'than that.
"Oh, o-" Izuku's voice caught in his voice as he became acutely aware of Toga's expectant gaze. "Ok. Toga, would you, uh... l-like to come in?"
"Sure!" She lithely slipped past Izuku, stepping into the Midoriyas' humble abode, and Izuku followed close behind, gently shutting the door behind him. This wasn't the first time Toga had been in his house; she had stopped in a few times before. But watching the blond girl travel around the room, inspecting every small detail with the boundless curiosity of a child, Izuku couldn't help but nervously fidget a little. What did she think of his house? Did she think it was weird? He felt the strong urge to hide the baby photos that Mom had placed around the house. Izuku knew that the wall paint was a weird color of yellow, and that the fan creaked a little as it spun which could get annoying, and…
Toga giggled, and tossed an endearing glance towards Izuku. "You're muttering agaaaain!"
"What? Oh, uh, well-" Izuku snapped his mouth shut before he could embarrass himself more, and his face exploded into a myriad of reds and pinks, as though it were about to pop. This only made Toga giggle more as she danced around the room.
"Oh, Toga-chan, would you like to stay for dinner?" Mom took a step out of the kitchen, wearing an apron and carrying a large stirring spoon. "I accidentally made too much, so it would really help."
Izuku felt the blood drain from his face. 'Accidentally?' She wasn't even being subtle! His gaze shot towards the blonde, who's playful grin had been replaced with a curious scowl.
"Really?" She cocked her head, and nervously tugged at her cardigan sleeves. Nervously? Izuku furrowed his eyebrows, both surprised and intrigued by her change in behaviour. For perhaps the first time, she looked… uncertain? "Like… a family dinner?"
Mom gave a round, cheeky smile that could only be described as motherly. "Consider yourself part of the family!"
In that moment, Izuku watched the sun rise. Warm rays of happy sunlight washed over the room, and a spark of new life entered the air. Not literally, but at the sound of his mother's words, the girl's smile grew ten times larger, and ten times brighter.
"Can I help cook?" She hopped from one foot to the other, barely containing her excitement.
"Of course!" Mom beamed, before her smile drooped into the more tired, relieved sort. "You would be a huge help."
"Yay!" Toga leapt up, jumping past Izuku and dashing to join his mother in the kitchen. "I'll try my best!"
"I'm, uh…" Izuku watched the two get started, somewhat relieved that they got along so well… but unnerved by his mom's obvious motives. He shifted his weight back and forth, and grabbed his bookbag off the ground. "I'm going to go put my stuff away."
"Okay." Mom nodded, and brushed off her apron. "I'll send Toga-chan to get you when dinner's ready."
When he entered his room, he leaned his bag against his bag, and quickly replaced his sweaty exercise clothes with a set of clean ones. He wouldn't mind a shower, but… that could wait until after Toga left. He collapsed onto his bed and just took a moment to relax, letting his tense muscles loosen. He shut his eyes, and with the smoothness of a well-worn habit, lifted a small dumbbell off of the ground, doing a few reps even as the rest of his body rested.
Today had been… eventful. That was the word. Or, at least a word. It made it sound better than it actually was.
Today had been a mess.
'Mr. Bakugou has worked his whole life to be a hero, and as his teacher, I don't want a small incident like this to ruin his dream.'
Izuku grit his teeth. He knew there was nothing he could do, but… it still felt so wrong. He… he might've understood if the school blamed him for the entire thing, but to simply sweep it under the rug? Pretend it never happened? They were flippantly disregarding the rules.
For what reason? Just to boost their own prestige. To be able to claim they got a student into U.A.. And that student wasn't Izuku; no, they had already chosen their racehorse. They gambled on Kacchan. Not because he was a good person. Not because he acted like a true hero. But simply due to how naturally gifted he was. He set the dumbbell down, and ran a hand through his knotted green hair.
And the principal couldn't be the only one. Looking back on it, Izuku had seen situations like this all the time. Some people would just be excused from the rules. His eyes flickered open, and he glanced at the All Might posters that lined his walls.
There had actually been a few cases where it had happened to heroes, now that Izuku thought about it. Like that time Endeavor had set an entire apartment complex on fire; Izuku remember watching with bated breath, taking notes on the lawsuit week after week. And, eventually, the case had just been tossed out. At the time, Izuku had been relieved; after all, what would happen if the hero had been stripped of his license? But now…
Now, just thinking back on it, he felt sick, as though he was forcing expired mayonnaise past his tongue and down his throat. What had happened to all of the people living there? Had they ever been reimbursed? Did anyone get hurt? Did they have to find new houses, new jobs?
There had to have been more situations like that; after all, some heroes had extremely destructive quirks. But that was the only case Izuku specifically remembered, and it had been national news, mostly because of how far the case had gotten. All the others… all of the other times must've been…
'I'd rather sweep this all under the rug.'
Izuku could only sit perfectly still, shocked at the thought. He pushed himself off the bed, so steady and smooth he appeared more as a piece of animate machinery than an actual person. And with wide eyes, he stared at the poster above his desk.
ANYONE CAN BECOME A HERO
… That was a lie. All Might had told him as much; unless you were born with a powerful quirk, becoming a hero was impossible. And those that did become heroes were granted special privileges, protected from the written law by a society that idolized them. And, looking at it that way…
No wonder people thought Kacchan could be a hero.
Strong.
Ambitious.
Gifted.
Heroism wasn't a factor.
With a slow hand, Izuku reached up, gripping the loose edge of the poster.
And tore it down.
A/N: Good evening, all! How is everyone? Hopefully enjoying the direction this is going? This chapter was a tad slow, I'll admit, but it took a bit to write.
So, quick show of hands, who here cares about canon? … Mm-hm, mm-hm, I hope you're all raising your hands. If you ain't, raise 'em up, cause the canon is our bible. We can all have different interpretations, but them there are the facts. But just like any religion, there are those people who reject it on a fundamental level, and do all sorts of funky stuff. And, right now, I'm that person. In the most recent chapter of BNHA, they began to reveal some tidbits about Toga's backstory, a lot of which already contradicts the headcanon I'm using for this story. I'm feeling… split on this. I'm happy Horikoshi is giving Toga a backstory, and I have no doubt that it's going to be amazing! It's already looking really interesting. But also, after spending several weeks just planning this story, let alone actually writing it, there's a little part of me that sees his work, and goes…
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Simply put, canon Toga and CTLT Toga are going to be fundamentally different characters, with different backstories. Albeit, this is already an AU story, but in some ways it makes me feel sick to right a character's backstory in direct opposition to the author. But if I change CTLT Toga's origin, it'll drastically change the story. So, the more "limited" canon I will being working off of will be that of seasons 1-3, ok? Ok, nice to clear that up.
And, in (what I consider) big news, this story's hit 200 followers! (223 as of the time of posting) I know it ain't a big deal, but damn, it feels good. I'll try and keep this goin' for you guys! A small sidenote, I may be a day or two late in updating the next chapter, just due to some stuff coming up; I'll try and avoid messing up my update schedule, but I'm just giving forewarning.
With only the worst of intentions,
Imp the Nefarious
Malsyn: Talk about poor timing, right? I feel like it's one of those times you wish for something, but what you get is the most twisted possible version of what you wished for. "You want a backstory? BAM. RIGHT WHEN YOU PUT IN ENOUGH WORK TO MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO COURSE-CORRECT!" *evil laughter* I hope the note above answers your question, though. More or less, this is full AU now. I hope you don't mind that.
Retnuh1000: I love these long comments. I see it pop up in my inbox, and even before I get a chance to read it, my brain goes "OH YEAH HERE WE GO." I'm super thankful for your compliments, I'm always worried that I'm overplaying the edge, or underplaying the emotional development, or making it too fast, or way too slow, or- ya know what, I think you get the point. To hear that this isn't a trainwreck is a success in my books. More importantly, thank you for your constructive criticism! I'll try to work on the Augur scenes, make them more interesting; he is a very important character, one who will remain for a very good portion of the story, so he best be an entertaining one too. I'm not sure if this was clear, but his first name is actually Shou; he just doesn't prefer it. Other than Tsuruko and a few others, everyone refers to him as "The Augur." I also totally respect your "no favorited incomplete fics policy," but that likely means that I won't be seeing your favorite for quite a long time. I've already got all of the major arcs and sub-arcs planned out, and I have the very distinct feeling that, even if I manage to keep up this weekly pace, this project is gonna take a good year at least. At least. So, uh… sit tight, and enjoy the ride!
Sinister10tails: Damn, you're makin' me blush! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and I'm especially happy that you're curious to see what happens. My #1 goal is to make you care enough to try and think of the possibilities! After all, the most beautiful part of this community is the sheer amount of creativity and new ideas that are borne out of it. And I can definitely see why you mention nefarious; feels rather similar. That's a good game, the sort that made me physically uncomfortable because of my choices.
Some Asshole: Yeah, I think I'm going to try for longer chapters; I'm thinking the 6500-7500 range, depending on the chapter. I actually had to cut this scene down, since it seemed like too much stuff. Or, more particularly, too much slow paced stuff. If it felt too slow paced, kinda a trudge, feel free to tell me.