"Get off of me! Get away! What are yo-" Her voice was cut off by a deafening scream, one that made Himiko's heart flutter and nerves tingle. Aimi choked out a cry, her body racked with sobs as Himiko dug her blade deeper into the girl's flesh, biting back her own heartbroken mews.

"Doesn't it feel good?" Himiko lapped up her friend's blood, talking into the nape of Aimi's neck as she licked and kissed away the sticky red syrup. Teeth brushed against skin, and pleasure, hot and wet, pumped through Himiko's veins. "I just wanted to-!"

Himiko's voice cracked, pain and desperation clawing its way out of her broken facade like a porcelain doll's shattered face.

"-I just wanted to show you how much I love you!" She bit down, and Aimi screamed again, a high and shrill sound that was music to Himiko's ears. Her nails dug into Aimi's neck, keeping her in place even as she thrashed back and forth. Fat tears burned Himiko's cheeks, but the smile wouldn't leave her face.

She had to smile.

If she stopped smiling, she'd break.

Break more than before.

So just keep the smile up, so that maybe Aimi would understand, just a little bit.

"P-..." For a moment, Aimi's wild jerking stopped, replaced only by small, pitiful sobs. "... Please stop…"

Aimi's begging tore at Himiko's raw heart. Why didn't Aimi understand? Himiko had tried to explain. She had tried to let her know. But Aimi had said no anyway, had called her a freak, a monster. She gingerly held up the blood-stained knife, right above Aimi's panicked brown eyes, before slicing open her own cheek.

"It's ok, it's ok…" Himiko cooed, running her fingers through Aimi's dyed hair and catching her own blood on the knife. "Just say 'ah!'"

"W-what?" Aimi tried to shrink away from the blonde, but it was a pointless struggle.

"Open up!" A drop of blood, still warm, slipped off of the knife's blade and splattered against Aimi's cheek. Whose blood? Himiko wasn't sure. The knife was coated with both of theirs, mixing together into a sickly-sweet symbol of Himiko's love. The girl clamped her jaw shut, refusing to cooperate, but Himiko forced her mouth open. "Here ya go!"

She rubbed the flat of the blade against Aimi's tongue, smearing the inside of her mouth with blood, before licking the blade's other side clean herself. The taste of iron, of life, of love. Himiko shivered with pleasure, and it felt like her body was melting. In some ways, it was, as her own physical features melted away and were replaced by those of the girl underneath her.

She was becoming Aimi.

They were becoming one.

"This is our knife, you know?" Himiko giggled, a warm and happy sound one might hear in their nightmares. "It's the one you got me this year! And that makes it special!"

Aimi only whimpered in response. Why wasn't she saying anything? Why didn't she bite back, or hug her, or anything?

Why was she still treating Himiko like a freak?

Himiko's lips quivered, trying their hardest to stay twisted into a smile, but…

But it hurt.

Why?

What was she doing wrong?

She didn't understand!

"I'm…" Her voice caught in her throat, her stomach tying itself into a thick knot of flesh and fear. "... I'm not dangerous, right?"

The door to their room was thrown open, and Himiko's head whipped around.

It was just Mrs. Igarashi. Himiko tried to smile a bit more welcomingly, but she couldn't quite wipe away the tears in her eyes, or the lovesick blush on her face. "H-hi, Mrs. Igara-"

The caretaker screamed.

"Toga, get off of her!" The knife clattered to the ground as the woman grabbed Himiko's arm, dragging her off the girl. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Huh?" Himiko's mouth was dry as a desert. How… how was she supposed to explain? What was she supposed to say? Mrs. Igarashi didn't like Himiko's love. She had sent her to see Dr. Teshima. She couldn't understand. Swallowing her fear, she took a small step forward. "Well, uh-"

"Stop!" Mrs. Igarashi stuck out her hand, and Himiko froze. "Stay over there!"

Panic. She could see the panic in Mrs. Igarashi's eyes. Hear the fear in her voice. See the wild, animalistic terror that made the woman stay as far away from Himiko as possible, cradling Aimi in her arms as though she had just been mauled by a rabid bobcat. A bobcat that was standing only a few paces away, a gray slime dripping off of her as her face returned to its original features.

Sharp, skin-splitting teeth.

Pale, bloodstained skin.

Rotten yellow eyes.

"Oh my god… Oh my god, oh my god…" The woman said it over and over, her shaky hands traveling over Aimi as she looked over the bloodied girl. Mrs. Igarashi licked her lips, and spoke softly, in the tense, far-too-calm way that made Himiko flinch.

"Toga?"

"Y-yes?"

"Why did you do this?"

"... I-" The words refused to leave Himiko's throat, and her eyes stung, looking everywhere but the older woman. She knew it was wrong. Everyone told her it was wrong.

Her friends did.

Aimi did.

Dr. Teshima did.

But…

But despite that…

"... I just wanted her to understand."

"You could've killed her!" Mrs. Igarashi snapped, fear becoming blind rage. "Did you even consider that? Did you even think about what you were doing?"

Himiko's breaths were shallow and fast, her burning lungs unable to keep pace with her throbbing heart. "Well, I-"

"Look at her, Toga! Look at what you did!"

"I'm-... I'm sorry!" This wasn't what she was supposed to be feeling. This wasn't what she wanted. She just wanted to be with Aimi. She wanted to feel warm and safe, to hold Aimi close and not feel like she had to hide everything.

She just wanted to feel normal.

"Do you think 'sorry' is going to cut it?" Mrs. Igarashi, usually so soft-spoken and kind, shouted at her with some grief-stricken mix of terror and desperation. "What do you think the police will say? They already wanted to take you away! They wanted to put you in a ward last time!"

"W-what?" A ward? Like the ones that Aunt Iku wanted to put her in? Like the ones where… where they tried to 'cure' her?

"When I found you drinking your own blood, the authorities wanted to put you in a ward! They thought that you were a danger to the other children! And so-" Mrs. Igarashi grit her teeth. "I begged them! I begged them to let you stay! I promised to put you in counseling, I promised you weren't a danger to the other kids! I gave all that I could to give you a chance, and you've thrown it all away!" She spat out those last word, filled with a toxic mix of fear, anger, and regret.

The air was filled with nauseous silence, thick and heavy.

"I…" Mrs. Igarashi didn't look up at Himiko. "I need to call the authorities."

No.

No.

Nonononononono.

Not police. Not heroes. Please. Please not them.

She'd be good. She'd stop. She'd not ever hurt anyone again, and she'd even take the pills Dr. Teshima gave her.

She wanted to cry out to the woman, to beg, to grovel, to do whatever it took. But nothing would move. All she could do was stand there, her lips frozen, her eyes burning, her insides a twisted mess, as Mrs. Igarashi flipped open her phone.

And, in that moment, there was one voice of clarity.

Only a few words.

Small and brief, from so many years ago.

"I love you, Himiko. I love you so much, it hurts. I've made mistakes. I've hurt people. And sometimes, the only way to solve that… is to get as far away from those people as possible."

It hurt.

Mama said it had hurt.

But Himiko knew what she had to do.

She ran.

)ooOoo(

The sun was a bleeding heart. Nestled between two mountains as it set, the red ball's lazy rays painted Musutafu's city skyline with crimson light and blue shadows, long and dark. It was as though the city had sunk into a sea of blood, a twisted form of Atlantis far too hellish for even the gods to create. But unlike Atlantis, where the townsfolk learned to breath beneath the waves, the people of Musutafa must've drowned once they dipped beneath the surface, choking at the vile liquid and screaming out their last breaths before collapsing to the newfound seabed, leaving this whole new world to a single, toxic creature.

Himiko appreciated the quiet, at least.

… Aimi would've liked to have seen that written down. She had always thought dark and dramatic prose was better. Though she might've liked the reference to Greek mythology, too, considering how much the girl adored the Percy Jackson series. Aimi always tried her hardest to seem like a preppy blonde, but deep down, she was just a cute little nerd.

A small chuckle escaped Himiko, a weak smile playing at her lips. Even when drowning in a swamp of melancholy, the thought of Aimi was a drop of happy sunshine. But…

Himiko's smile faded, like a deflating balloon.

Even if Himiko did write it down... Aimi would never see it. It wasn't like she could see her again.

The girl spent a lot of time alone. That's what monsters did, after all; they were rarely spotted outside of killing people. So, whenever Izu-kun was in school, she had taken to wandering the city, finding all of its little nooks and crannies. Places to hide, places to sleep, places to relax. Back alleys and side streets, hidden gems and secret treasures. This was one of the places she had found, and one of her favorites. A quiet little garden, with a few scattered flower beds and a bench overlooking the city. Far enough away from everything to make the sounds of the city disappear, yet also close enough to let her watch the people scurry around on the ground, just like how ants dashed around when she would kick their nests. It was hard to escape the all-encompassing noise of the city, so any opportunity she got, she'd take it.

Even if it meant breaking an emergency fire exit and climbing fifteen stories to the top of an apartment complex.

She leaned against the guardrail, her chin resting in one palm and her knife twirling in the other as a frown tugged at the edges of her lips. It wasn't an angry frown; she didn't think so, at least. It wasn't a sad one, either; she could only be disappointed so many times before that emotion lost its meaning. If her heart always ached, than how was she supposed to tell if it was aching for a special reason? No, more than anything, it was wistful. Her pale yellow eyes, the color of autumn leaves, were practically empty, only left with a look of deep longing as some of the last beams of red light peeked over the mountains' crests.

Maybe she was asking for too much. At least he talked to her.

But she still wanted more.

Izu-kun was adorable. Most days, he was a cute little puppy, an amusing ball of nerves and energy that fumbled his words and always took care of others first. Sometimes, on a rare day, he was a wolf, cold and focused and terrifyingly intelligent. She loved both of them so much, and saw so much potential in him. The puppy bandaged her wounds, kind and sympathetic. The wolf made her a promise, absolute and driven.

But a little thing about wolves and dogs: They were both pack animals.

And neither of them could trust a lynx in their pack.

She sighed, running her fingers up and down the flat of her knife. This wasn't the knife Aimi gave her; she kept that in her bag, along with her phone and her copy of 'wolf children.' No, this was the one that she had gotten for Izu-kun. She had been hoping for… Well, a lot, honestly. Silly things. Things that she should've given up on. Izu-kun was a sweet boy, but she doubted he'd ever come to understand her in the way she wanted. He had a crush on her; that was clear as day. But would he still have one if she did to him what she did to Aimi? Or would she just have to run away again, having wasted yet another chance at a normal life?

She watched the people below, sick jealousy niggling at the back of her mind as she watched them walk about their daily lives. Some headed home from work, some spending time with friends, some bound for destinations that Himiko couldn't even guess. She flipped the knife shut, cradling the cool metal in her hand.

She had seen the burns. The bruises. There were new ones every day, and no matter how much he tried to hide them, she could easily see past his distractions. And, had Izu-kun liked them, she wouldn't be worried. But she could tell he didn't.

Himiko just wished he would tell her. Seeing him alone, in pain… it hurt. It hurt because she had felt it too, and she didn't want to see anyone go through it. She was there for him. But what did that even mean, if he didn't trust her enough to even tell her?

There was the clattering of shoes against metal, and Himiko turned around, just in time to see Izu-kun walking up the building's fire escape. Well, not quite 'walking.' A more accurate way to describe it was 'carefully climbing up the fire escape, cling to the guardrail for dear life while trying not to look down.'

Despite the weight in her chest, Himiko could help but giggle at the sight. "Hiya, Izu-kun! Are you gonna actually jump this time? Go nice and splat?" She made a whooshing sound that ended in an abrupt splat noise, as if the boy needed a presentation, and Izu-kun stared at her in stark horror.

"N-no!" He spoke far to fast, clamoring off of the fire escape and onto the rooftop with so much panic that Himiko couldn't help but be amused. "Definitely not!"

She laughed, and spun towards him on one heel, still leaning against the guardrail. "Don't worry! I won't push you! Well..." A much more feline grin stretched across her face. "... Not this time, at least."

"Oh, uh, um... Good?" Izu-kun scowled and stumbled over to the girl, his eyes darting back and forth as he recovered from his acute fear of heights. Or, at least, his acute fear of falling from said heights. "And… and should we even joke about that?"

"Well…" Her head lazily rolled to one side, and then the other, a finger on her chin as she considered. But then, an enthusiastic smile split open her face. "We have to laugh. Otherwise, we'd just spend all our time crying!"

"I guess that's true, in some ways. But…" Izu-kun leaned against the guardrail, fanning himself with his sweaty t-shirt as his green eyes wandered, contemplating. His lips moved, tracing the faint outlines of words, and Himiko could only give a lopsided smirk, resting her chin in her hand. Izu-kun and his mumbling. He seemed to speak as soon as the thoughts came to his mind, with absolutely no screen or filter. It was as though, whenever the little puppy looked too deep within his own head, the line between his mind and the outside world faded, leaving his honest thoughts to spill out for anyone willing to listen.

Himiko sighed longingly, watching the boy become trapped inside his mind.

She just wanted to reach out and bite him. Just a nibble, really.

Just enough to draw blood.

"... That's true." Eventually, after minutes of falling down the rabbit hole, Izu-kun nodded to himself, satisfied with his own conclusions. "A really sad idea, but… a correct one." He glanced over to the setting sun, the bloody red light playing in his nervous green eyes, before his gaze shifted over to the blonde beside him. There were a few moments of silence, the two simply taking the time to watch.

One was watching the city, its quickly fading light and rapidly growing shadows.

The other… Well, Himiko could feel him watching, his eyes burning into her as though that alone could communicate to her what he wanted to say.

A brief gust of wind passed between the two, carrying the chill of Musutafa's mid-autumn, and Himiko shivered, blowing warm breath into her cardigan-covered hands.

"It's so pretty…" Himiko's eyes shot over at the sound of Izu-kun's voice, just to find him watching her with an almost… sad look in his eyes.

Himiko ignored it.

"Yep!" She smiled, but it hurt. She was holding her heart in her hands, and instead of looking at it, she chose to crumple it up and shove it in her pocket, so maybe it would just disappear for a bit. "The sunrise is super pretty too!"

"Huh?" The boy practically jumped out of his skin, as though her response had snapped him out of a dream, before looking away. He ducked his head in shame, and his cheeks were noticeably red, even in the sunset's light. "... Y-yeah, the sunset. That's what I meant."

He wanted to ask something. It was obvious. She could see it in his eyes, the soft pain of holding in his words. And as much as she enjoyed being with him... part of her wanted to push him away.

It was stupid.

It was pointless.

But if he refused to open up to her, she didn't want to pretend. She had fooled herself once with Aimi, tricked herself into thinking the girl cared, and she saw how that ended.

So she simply stood there, a fake smile on her face as she carefully avoided looking at him.

"A-anyway!" Izu-kun spoke far too quickly, standing as straight as a board and as tense as an overstrung violin. He bit his lip and leaned against the guardrail, forcing himself to relax. "How'd you get up here, anyways? I, uh… I don't think using those fire escapes is allowed…"

"It's not! But I don't have a key, do I?" That fake cheerfulness. That sweet syrup. It tasted sickly and artificial and rotten. She hated it, she hated it so much. But it still poured out of her. Over her tongue and past her lips.

"... I guess not..." Izu-kun opened his mouth again, but nothing came out, and the conversation died.

The air smelled of salt, just like Kobe had. There were small differences, but… it was fundamentally the same. In some ways it was comforting, a level of familiarity that couldn't be described with words, but in other ways, it was oppressive, a cage she couldn't escape. Because, no matter how far she ran, they were still there. The classmates that rejected her. The families that feared her, the doctors that drugged her. And Mrs. Igarashi, who had believed in her. Mrs. Igarashi, who Himiko had failed.

"So, uh…" Izu-kun finally spoke up, shattering the hollow silence. Not tense. Not relaxed. Just… empty. "Are you ok?"

"Hmmm?" She stretched out the sound, somehow making it sound like she was teasing him without saying a single word. "Now, why would you ask that? Are you worried about me?" She giggled, a bubbly sound that disgusted Himiko on so many levels. She was ignoring herself. She was ignoring the twisted knot that was her heart, hoping to avoid it simply but watching the boy blush and fidget. Make him dance, so that she wouldn't have to pay attention to the sad ballad in her own head.

Izu-kun shrunk away, beginning to mumble some sort of denial, but then…

He caught himself. Nodding to himself, he squeezed his fists, and stood up straight. "... Well, yeah, I am." He spoke with as much strength as he could, and Himiko raised her eyebrows in surprise, rolling her head to face him. There was obvious concern in his voice, not to mention his serious scowl. "For the past few days, you've been running off in the middle of training. It's not like you at all, and… and I want to know why."

'Not like you?' He said that as though he knew her. He doesn't. And she doesn't know him. They'd spent six months together, but that didn't mean they 'knew' each other. And who's fault was that? Himiko pushed her smile even wider, a rubber band ready to snap. She put herself out there for him! She asked if he was ok! She had told him, over and over, that she was there for him, but he never opened up! And now, he comes to her, wanting her to open up?

Just… Just keep going. Sidestep. Smile and laugh. Pretend like everything's fine, and everything will be.

She reached out, ruffling his hair. "I'm A-okay! You don't need to worry!"

The strength in Izu-kun's eye crumbled. He had just been pushed away, and he knew it. "But…" He clenched his jaw, casting his eyes towards the ground as his voice quivered. "I still do."

Oh, he was still worried? Himiko resisted the urge to laugh as loudly and cruelly as she could. Wasn't that a surprise? Apparently telling someone not to worry didn't make them stop worrying! Who would've known? Maybe he'd understand how she felt from now on! Maybe he'd not just dodge her question every time she worried about him! Maybe he'd-!

The fire in her belly, that had been growing larger and strong behind her tight smile, had a bucket of ice water poured over it.

… Maybe he'd actually tell her what was bothering him.

Her smile cracked, the mask that she had worn for so long falling apart.

What was she doing? Screaming at him in her head, thinking that would make things better? Punishing him for not opening up by holding herself shut like a clam? She was doing exactly what he had been, but…

But out of spite.

What if he had thought the same way? Neither of them allowing themselves to trust the other, out of some meaningless grudge. Both of them, stuck in this cycle of pain and pettiness for as long as they stayed together… Himiko didn't want that. No one wanted that. She looked at him, watching him shrink away out of shame. He looked so small and sad, like a kicked puppy.

That same kicked puppy she had met months ago.

He had grown a lot, but he was still the same little Izu-kun. Skittish, withdrawn, always stuck in his head…

… But also compassionate, and thoughtful. Always putting her before himself, trying to do what he could to help. He wasn't trying to hurt her. He never had been. He probably didn't have a malicious bone in his soft, squishy body.

A bittersweet smile came to her lips, and she ran her hands through his knotted green hair. The color of mold, the same as it had been since they met.

Himiko set her jaw, swallowing her fear and organizing her words. He had made her a promise, a promise to make the world better, but she wanted more than that. She wanted him to trust her.

And the only way to have that was to trust him.

"... Do I scare you?" She spoke softly, almost hesitantly.

"Huh?" Izu-kun's head snapped up, confused. But at the sight of Himiko's sad features, that confusion descended into a panicked dash to make things better. "Well, uh, yeah, but- But just a little! I, uh, I mean… No… N-not really."

Himiko chuckled at his reaction, but the humor was short-lived, a moment of peace in the eye of the storm. She stumbled back, plopping down on the bench behind them, and Izu-kun joined her. "Well, if I do… please don't run, ok?"

"O-ok..?" Izu-kun nodded, a frenzied and jerky motion filled to the brim with concern and interest.

… Where to start? What to start with? What… What to explain? There was so much. Too much. A lot of things that were hard to explain.

… a lot of things she wasn't ready to explain.

She wanted to explain everything, just to get it all off of her chest. But she also wanted to explain nothing, because a lot of it... a lot of it would scare him.

He might reject her today. Abandon her, leave her all alone. Just like all of the others.

But she had to take that first step.

She took a deep, shaky breath, and began. "Ever since I was nine, I lived in foster care. Up until a few months ago, when I ran away."

Izu-kun shuffled on the bench, a quiet and worried scowl on his face, but neither moved to close the noticeable gap between them. "Why'd you run away?"

Himiko bit her lip, her long canines cutting into the soft flesh, and curled her legs up against her chest. "... Because I did something stupid."

"W-what?"

One of the questions she didn't want to answer. But, looking into Izu-kun's eyes, she knew it was one of the questions she had to answer. If she told him, she'd scare him. But if she didn't, then all of this would be pointless.

She had made her choice. And she refused to let herself take one step back, no matter how much the voice in the back of her head screamed at her to stop. "I bit her. And cut her. And drank her blood."

There were a few moments of silence where she was afraid to meet his eyes, but Izu-kun didn't respond. She glanced up, and he looked… uncertain, but not scared. As though he were expecting more? As though he had been expecting worse?

The boy shuffled a bit, wringing his hands together. "... Did you hurt her?"

That was the important part, wasn't it? In some ways, having to say it out loud hurt. But in others, the thought that he had to ask, that he didn't just jump to conclusions… it was comforting, in some small way. Not to mention, she had drank his blood too, and he hadn't run away. He had still come to see her. He still liked her.

… Was there a chance?

Himiko's heart leapt at the thought, desperately clutching at the small, unlikely hope she had just found. She licked her lips, her yellow eyes tracing the scar on his neck. Maybe, just maybe-

She snapped herself back to reality. Not here. Not now. Right now, she had things to say. And, if there was a chance that he might understand…

She'd cross that bridge when she got there.

"I hurt her. A lot." Izu-kun's breath hitched, and Himiko flinched, but she continued. "More than anything, though… I was afraid."

"Afraid?" Despite everything, Izu-kun scooted closer.

How could she explain it to him? How could she explain something that could only be experienced? Because what was terrifying, it wasn't just what they did. It was how long they did it. How alone she always was. How she couldn't control her own body, and couldn't be certain if something was real or just in her head. To put it into words…

It wouldn't be able to properly convey it.

She struggled for a moment, gnawing on her thumbnail as her breaths became short and labored.

"They were going to put me a mental ward." The words seemed to simple. Too basic. If Izu-kun understood, the words alone would be enough to make him wince. "And… and I've been to one before. They're scary, in a quiet way. They steal your soul away, day by day. They lock you in a room, control everything you see and do, fill you up with so many drugs that you can't tell if what's happening is real or just… just the monsters in your head. For days at a time, I'd be alone except for the doctors and nurses. And to them, I wasn't a person. I was a disease. I…" She struggled to piece the words together, her voice cracking under the strain of memories she just wanted to forget. But as she spoke, the words became colder, dripping with thick, stomach-twisting layers of slimy dread. "I didn't want to ever be in a place like that again. I'd rather die." She spat the words out, bitter and angry.

Izu-kun just stared, shocked into silence. No wonder. Dark, subdued, and uncertain, seeing her like this must seem so alien to him. He was used to seeing happy Himiko, cheerful Himiko, the girl that always wore a smile, whether they be playing or training. Not that that wasn't her, but… this was too.

"So…" Izu-kun fiddled with his fingers, as though he needed to expend some of his nervous energy, and had no idea how. "You ran away?"

A silent nod. That's all she needed to do. All she trusted herself to do. Her throat felt stiff and tight, as though trying to use it would make it crack.

"... Do you ever want to go back?"

Go back? For a moment, Himiko stopped chewing on her nail, surprised by the question. She knew she couldn't go back, but… if she could, would she want to?

"... No. I miss them, but…" She chewed on her lip, shaking her head. "There's a lot of stuff I don't miss. Foster parents didn't like me. They acted as though I was some wild animal they were forced to live with, until the foster service stopped assigning me new families. After that, I just lived in the foster care center. The staff were nice, but they didn't… well, they didn't treat me like the others. I could tell the smiles were forced. And the other kids, they thought I was a freak. Sometimes, they laughed at me, but mostly… mostly they just avoided me. And really, that hurt more. They said we were all family, but… No I wasn't. I was the skeleton in the closet. To be treated as an outsider, a failed case, it just… hurts…"

When she finished, the two simply sat in silence, both for their own reasons. Himiko steadied her breathing, preparing her heart and mind, while Izu-kun stared at the cement under his feet, absorbing the information. She could see it in his face, him carefully sorting and categorizing each new piece of information that she revealed. Anything she told him now, or ever, really, was bound to be sorted, marked, and remembered for years.

That only made her more nervous.

Suddenly, Izu-kun gasped, as though he had just solved an equation he had been working on for years. "So, when you read my… my note..!"

There it was. Himiko smiled, emotionally exhausted but pleased. If there was one thing she could gamble on, it was his ability to connect dots. She reached out, laying her hand over his and her eyes filled with warmth.

"We're the same. That's what I feel, at least. The world is such a hard place to live, seeing the pain in your eyes… I thought maybe you'd understand."

She had never tried to kill herself. Not seriously, at least. An idle thought, a 'what-if' that teased at the back of her mind on particularly gray and lonely days. An idea she had toyed with before, a child playing with a dead bird out of sheer desperation. But when she read that note, saw the lines upon lines of red ink and shaky handwriting, it was like reading something she herself had wrote.

Maybe the fine details were different.

Maybe the exact reasons were different.

But the core was the same.

And that was what mattered, in her heart, at least.

Izu-kun eyes seemed to be anywhere but Himiko's, still clouded with dozens of messy, unorganized thoughts. But, at her touch, he didn't pull away. No, instead….

Instead, he weaved his fingers into hers.

A pink blush spread across his cheeks, but he nodded, swallowing his nerves as he nervously met her eyes. "... I do. I, uh, I think. But, why are you telling me this?"

Scooting just a bit closer, she clamped onto his hand like it was her only lifeline. She had only said a few small things, a few snowflakes on the tip of the iceberg. But each and every word came out like a pulled tooth, each and every reaction a punch to the gut.

Why did her heart hurt so much? It was on fire. And her throat felt like she had just drank a big cup of sand. Her insides were so twisted and churned up, she couldn't trust her voice to actually speak.

She had to keep going.

Even if she couldn't say everything, she had to say something.

Her words were little more than a heartfelt whisper, and Izu-kun had to lean in to hear. "What's been worrying me is that, you've been getting hurt, but won't tell me. Like you don't trust me. And part of me wanted to be angry at you, but…" Her voice caught, but she forced herself to continue. "But I never told you why I'm here in the first place. Why I don't go to school, or have a home. You just let me in, accepting me without asking questions. And… if I didn't trust you enough to tell you about myself, I didn't have the right to be upset when you didn't trust me."

When she finished, nothing moved.

She didn't speak.

He didn't speak.

Even the wind was quiet.

Why was she doing this? Did she really think telling him all of this would make him trust her? Make him care? There was a wall between them, as impassible as it was fundamental.

Izu-kun was a victim trying to become a hero.

Himiko was a monster trying to be human.

There were some things that simply 'were,' with no explanation, caveats, or work-arounds.

And one of those was that she wasn't normal. She couldn't have a normal life. She couldn't have a normal job, or a normal school, or a normal home. No normal family, no normal friends, no normal love.

No Izu-kun.

The tears in her eyes stung so much, she almost didn't notice Izu-kuns arms wrapping around her.

Warm.

Warm and soft.

Gentle but firm.

Tight, but not strangling.

His touch was cautious, wholly uncertain and unsure, but…

But so completely genuine.

So honestly caring, so openly kind.

This wasn't things were supposed to be. She was supposed to be supporting him. She was supposed to be soothing him, helping him, pushing him to be better. But here she was, on the other side of that. Being cared for. Being comforted.

Not by some uncomfortable social worker.

Not by some paid psychologist.

But by someone who actually wanted to be with her.

And…

And it felt good. So good. Her chest still hurt, and her eyes still burned, and nothing felt right. But in his arms, it felt good. She hugged him back, burying her face in his shoulder as hot, salty tears stung her cheeks.

Stop crying.

Please stop crying.

Please just stand up, and give him a wide smile.

The sort that says everything is all ok. The sort that tells him that he doesn't need to worry.

At least pretend to be okay.

Her mind screamed at her, But her body ignored it, clutching the boy closer. She opened the vault. She let her emotions out of their little corner. And now, she had no choice but to let them run their course. Her shoulders shook, and her fingernails dug into his back. The smell of his sweat filled Himiko's nose, and her teeth itched, begging to bite him, begging to taste blood.

But then, his hand, as unsteady as her own, stroked through her thin hair, and he leaned his head against hers.

"I-I'm…" Izu-kun sputtered, sloppily stitching words together like a student surgeon on the first day of class. "I'm so sorry. I, uh, I do trust you. A lot. And… I never wanted to make you think otherwise."

Really? Himiko bit her lip, but didn't speak, trying her hardest to calm her adrenaline-riddled body. Izuku could say that, but words were cheap. Aimi called herself Himiko's friend, but she was her main bully half the time. Dr. Teshima said he understood, but he still treated her like an animal to be tamed. So he could say he could trust her but what was the poi-

"It… was a classmate of mine." Himiko's thoughts ground to a halt as Izu-kun began. Her muscles loosened a little, but she didn't move, simply listening to his voice as she steadied her breathing. "... I've known him for a really long time. He's always been kind of a jerk, ever since we were kids. But, in the past few months, he's gotten… more intense. More aggressive."

Of course.

She had known it.

It hadn't been hard to guess, especially after re-reading his note, again and again.

A bully. A tormenter.

Part of her was angry. Angry at Izu-kun for not telling her. Angry at the bully for existing. Angry at herself for not controlling her emotions in front of him. But the rest of her was too tired. A few glowing sparks buried in a mountain of damp wood. Her heart was exhausted. And besides…

Part of her was relieved. Her heart might've been sore, but it wasn't as tight as before. It was a worn out rubber band, rather than a squeezed spring.

He told her. Izu-kun trusted her enough to tell her. But, because of that, she had a responsibility.

Himiko pulled herself closer, and settled in a more comfortable position, straddling his lap and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Nuzzling into his shoulder, she pressed her ear to his neck, and let her mind focus on the sound of his pulsing veins. The universal song, the sound of every living creature. Izu-kun stiffened under her, resting his hands on the small of her back but unable to even try and relax. It was… cute. And just like him. Himiko smiled, a weak little thing. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that his face was bright red, but saw that plenty. The sound of his blood was more important, a special treat.

"... Did you fight back?" Her voice was little more than a puff of whispering wind. There were a lot of things to ask. Who was it, how long, how could they stop them, how could Himiko help. But that was the most important one, at least right now. Because, if Izu-kun refused to fight back… Then all of Himiko's training had been useless. Because she wasn't teaching him the techniques of how to fight.

No, she had been teaching him the mindset.

Izu-kun sighed, and shrugged. "Mostly. I, uh... don't win, though." He sounded defeated. On the verge of giving up. Pushed to the edge of hopelessness.

Himiko's smile flickered away, and a scowl marred her face. "You will. I know you can."

Izuku let out a self-defeating laugh, the sort that just sounded sad and broken. "I think I lose just by fighting." He tensed under her, and even the sad humor left his voice, replaced by looming anger. "The school always blames me, after all."

The school was against him too?

… In some ways, Himiko wasn't surprised. She had had far more than her fair share of that sort of experience. The principal at her middle school liked her in the same way he liked injury paperwork; the less he had to see, the better. She'd admit, she caused dozens of problems just by existing, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

And Izu-kun didn't deserve that treatment, not by any stretch.

"... You only lose if you give up, and I know you won't." Himiko took a deep breath, and sighed. "We'll figure it out."

"'W-we?'"

At the sound of his panic, Himiko giggled, a lighthearted sound. "Yep. We have our promise, don't we?"

"... Y-yeah, we do." His hands moved up and down the small of Himiko's back, unable to find a spot that was comfortable enough to soothe his embarrassment. "But what does that have to do with this?"

"You promised me to make the world a better place, so obviously I have to help!"

"... I guess so, yeah."

The two lapsed into a comfortable silence. Or, at least, comfortable for Himiko. She could feel Izu-kun relaxing under her, but he was still plenty tense. She smiled to herself, warm in his arms despite the October wind. The world grew darker, the reds turning to purple and the blues to black. Street lights flickered on, and the milky splatter of stars revealed itself in the night sky.

A lot hurt. Her heart felt awful. Her eyes still stung a bit. But…

But she felt good. Maybe happy wasn't the right word, not entirely. But good. Snuggled into Izu-kuns arms, knowing that he not only listened to her, but that he trusted her… it was satisfying. A lot of things still needed fixed, but for that moment, at least, the world was in balance.

"Toga," Izu-kun spoke up, his small voice somehow slipping past the silence instead of breaking it. "What are you going to do during the winter?"

"Hm? What do you mean?" She didn't even know what she was going to do tomorrow, let alone all winter. Help him train, obviously. Re-read wolf children, like she did every month. Maybe buy a new book, if she got a chance? Scraping up the money would be hard, but there was a book she saw about the human gut biome that she'd love to read...

"In a few weeks, it's probably going to start snowing." Izu-kun continued, and Himiko aahed in realization. "And while the garage has been ok for the past few months… W-well, I'm worried about during the winter."

She cocked her head a bit, her chin firmly planted on his shoulder, and curled a tuft of his hair around on finger. "I'm not sure. I haven't really thought about it. Maybe you can give me a blanket?" She snickered teasingly.

"A blanket?" Izu-kun set his jaw, her prodding flying right over his head as he set about mumbling his way down a rabbit hole.. "No, that wouldn't be enough... Three, at least… But what about the floor underneath you? It would be extremely cold too, so we'd need either another blanket or possibly a carpet… But what about your head, or when you're outside of the blankets? Would it be more efficient simply to try and insulate the garage instead? If we closed the door, all we'd have to do is seal the edges. But that would only insulate it, not actually make it warm… Maybe we could get a room heater? But how to power it..?"

"You're worrying too much! I made it through last winter on my own, after all!" She laughed, her eyes alight with amusement. Him and his nerves. He shouldn't worry about her.

... But he was going to anyway. Her smile weakened a little, a handful of memories coming to mind. She had made it through last winter, but it had been far from easy. All the money she had went towards buying snacks in convenience stores. Not because she wanted them, but so she'd have an excuse to sleep at one of the tables, shielded from the biting winter cold.

The managers would kick her out anyways, most times. But sometimes they didn't.

And when they did, she had no choice but to find somewhere else. There were a few options, usually. Maybe they were ignored by society, but that didn't mean homeless people disappeared. They just hid were others wouldn't see them, so the police wouldn't kick them off the property. She bit the inside of her cheek, regret slipping into her heart.

They were always treated so poorly, but the homeless had been the only ones to help her. There was one woman, old and sick, but with a good sense of humor. 'I'm just a few days from dying anyway, so why bother with renting a house?' And then she would smile and laugh, trying to hide the job rejection letter in her hands. Maybe it wasn't always comfortable, or the best smelling, but she had been kind enough to share a tent with Himiko. She had almost nothing, but she was still willing to reach out and help a girl she didn't even know.

When she froze to death, Himiko had cried for days.

"... What about my house?" Izu-kun's voice snapped Himiko out of her melancholy memories. She pushed the thoughts away, and tried to focus on the feeling of Izu-kun's soft skin. The world hurt, but… but she should just think about the now. Then she'd be happy.

"Oh, you want me to move in?" She smiled teasingly, ignoring the sting in her heart. "You're that serious already?"

"W-what? No, that's not what I meant! I just-, Well, you know-!" Izu-kun sputtered out bits and pieces of words, before ducking his head, and speaking a bit more quietly. "I was just thinking, maybe the best thing to do would be to have you move in. I know that the apartment isn't huge, but we have a sofa, and that should be better than cold cement…"

She smiled, conjuring up a quick retort, before the reality of what he was saying hit her.

Staying at his house.

Living with him and Mrs. Midoriya.

Having…

Having a home.

An actual home that wanted her.

She spoke slowly, carefully.

"... Could I? Do you think Mrs. Midoriya would let me?"

"... If we came up with a reason, p-probably. Like…" Izu-kun bit his lip, and rubbed his chin. "Your parents are going to be abroad for a bit, and wanted you to stay with us?"

"Wouldn't we have to prove it somehow?" Himiko scowled, joining her companion in brainstorming. "I don't think she'd believe us if you just told her that."

The green-haired boy nodded, staring at the air in front of his face. "... I guess not. But…" He glanced up at the sky, as though he just realized how dark it had become. Apparently her touching him destroyed his sense of situational awareness. Himiko would have to remember that.

"We can talk about it tomorrow, though. We need to get going."

"Five more minutes." Himiko hugged him closer, refusing to move.

"... O-ok."

And for another five minutes, she held him close, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

Listening to the song of love.

A/N: G'evein, all. I'm so sorry this was late! With finals, and studying, and everything else, this week was super busy. Not to mention, this scene was pretty hard. It was an emotional scene, with lots of feels and affection, both things I'm not very used to dealing with. So, thought? About how good out of 10?

So, we've finally hit 300 followers, not to mention 100 kudos! 313 follows, as of the time of uploading. And thus, in celebration, I've made a discord server! I'm happy to introduce to you the CATLT Cafe, just a little server for this community, where you can go to relax, hang out, and try and improve your writing. There are specific chats for reading recommendations, music, working on your writing or art, and chatting about BNHA or CATLT. The code is aAD3yX8 , so feel free to stop in, take a look around, and have a good time! (I posted a different link earlier, that apparently expired, so here's one that hopefully works!)

AO3:

ProfoundCranium: When you said "long-ass comment," you weren't kidding! I opened the email on my phone, and the text was too small for me to see! Had to open it on my computer to read. And, that said, I'm so happy you're enjoying it! To hear praise from another Togadeku author is extremely reassuring. It's good to know that those scenes carried quite the punch; albeit, they're far from the most influential, compared to what I have planned, and hopefully to be overshadowed in a few chapters. But to know they had your brain flip, it makes my sadistic author side get all tingly.

FFN:

Arsinis: You have absolutely no reason to apologise! Critical commentary like this is the only way I can improve, ain't it? So, really, a 'thank you' is well deserved. I'll try to work on the pacing; I've always personally preferred a slower writing style, even if that isn't everyone's cup of tea, and this first arc is already a pretty slow one. I can't promise to speed it up, but I'll try to make it more engaging. And on the matter of the Augur, he actually isn't just a plot device. While explaining Toga's backstory is his current job, he will actually be involved in multiple arcs with a variety of purposes and personal character growth. Though, aside from him being an OC, is there any particular reason you can't connect with him? While the pacing likely doesn't help, is there a particular part that makes him less interesting than the other characters?

(Unnamed guest): Is the Augur related to Nana? Well, I refuse to answer directly, both because I'm a jerk and like being super convoluted. But, I will say this: every detail has purpose. If I mentioned it, there's (probably) a reason. Every chapter has a few hints, small details that will fit into the puzzle chapters down the line. What does that mean? Mostly that my head is a mess most of the time as I obsess over things as tangentially related to the plot as Inko's minor doubts about her marriage and how Tsuruko's case is fucking with her sleep cycle.