A/N:
I'm over my word limit for this chapter. Although it doesn't cover much, the more I try to trim it down, the longer it seems to grow. I'll stop tampering with it now.
Sanji Kitetsu Chapter 24
"I have to warn you, Sanji. Luffy's taken quite an interest in you." Usopp leans in to whisper in the blond's ear.
Sanji has resigned to lying flat on Chopper's bed while the little doctor works to wrap him in bandages from head to toe. Now that he's been forced onto his back, it's much harder to get back up again with all those broken ribs he hasn't noticed while standing. He raises a questioning eyebrow at the long nose.
"He's obsessed with the fact that you're a human sword. You know what happens when he becomes obsessed." Usopp replies with a nod to Chopper, who pauses in the wrapping of Sanji's arm to let a shiver run through his fur.
"But don't worry because I am your Fairy Godmother Usopp-sama, and I will defend your relationship with Zoro even if it costs me my life!" The man straightens his back dramatically and pats his chest.
"Oi Usopp, stop doing pointless shit." Zoro yarns from his seat on the adjacent bed.
"No no my brother. It's no trouble at all." The sharpshooter turns to place a hand on the swordsman's shoulder and flashes him a toothy smile. "Just remember my sacrifices for you next time we come across a strong enemy."
"SWORD GUY-!" The rubber boy's voice bursts through the door, and Usopp catches him before he can step into the dorm.
"Luffy, come here. I need to talk to you for a second." The long nose puts his arm around his captain's neck and pulls him out the door.
It soon becomes apparent that the location Usopp chooses for this talk is not far from the door. Sanji can make out his voice whispering unintelligible words through the wooden planks by the bed. He doesn't even have to strain his ears, given how quiet the moss head and the little doctor are at the moment.
"I've slept naked around Zoro too." The first meaningful sentence he hears is from Luffy, loud and clear, evidently much less concerned with being overheard than the long nose.
"Yeah, well he wasn't holding you in his lap and rubbing his hand on your hip." Usopp hisses back. The blond feels heat creep up his cheeks at the reminder of the incident.
"So? What's the difference?"
"Shhhhh..." The sharpshooter lowers his voice once more for the next minute or two.
"He's Zoro's pinky? What does that mean?"
"No, you idiot! Boyfriend! He's Zoro's boyfriend! They're together, Luffy. They're dating. So don't go asking him to join the crew, get it? You shouldn't take him from Zoro."
"OK."
Sanji chokes on his own spit as the conversation beyond the wall comes to a pause. He turns to look at the other two in the room between painful coughs. Chopper rubs his bandaged chest, and Zoro steps closer to his bed. Both pretend to not notice the conversation, but their breaths are held, and their ears are turned to face the open door.
"OK? That's it? You sure? He's really not joining our crew, you know!"
"Yeah, I wasn't gonna ask him anyway."
"No? But you were obsessed with him!"
"He's Zoro's sword. Zoro said if I ever get in the way of his ambition he'll leave the crew. I can't have that, so I won't take his sword." Luffy's voice mixes with the sounds of his sandals slapping against the wooden deck as he walks away. "Carmen, is there more food?"
Sanji catches a glimpse of a smile on the swordsman's face and finds himself envious of the bond they have. Zoro knew from the beginning that the rubber boy would say that. For a moment the cursed blade wonders if he does long to join this crew after all, despite the pledge he has made to the swordsman. A tinge of guilt follows.
It's not until after Usopp drops by, to report how he bravely defended Sanji's status as Zoro's sword against the evil boss Luffy, that Chopper lets out a long exhale and returns to his work, insisting along the way that he hasn't heard anything, and that their secret is safe with him for as long as they want to keep it a secret to the crew.
Shouldn't we clear up the misunderstanding there? The cursed blade asks his master.
I don't care either way. You do it if it bothers you. You have your own mouth now. Zoro replies with a smug face.
"It seems that your healing process halts while you're in your sword form." The little doctor finishes the last knot of bandages on Sanji's now fully white arm. "What did you say you needed to transform? Zoro's Blood? How much do you need? How long does the transformation last?"
"A mouthful. I'd say... a table spoon? And it keeps me human for about half an hour. Drinking more doesn't make it last longer."
"So we'll need a dose of 15ml administered every half an hour-... Zoro what are you doing?" The reindeer squeals when he looks up from his notebook to find the swordsman walking up to the bedside and drawing Kuina from her sheath.
"Feeding him. You said he needs to be fed every half an hour, right?" Zoro lifts up his sleeve. The doctor promptly grabs the arm.
"How many times did you cut yourself, you bastard?"
"One for each feeding." The man shrugs.
"That is an infection waiting to happen. Put away that dangerous looking thing and sit here. We're going to do this the safe way." Chopper turns to dig in his bag for a few seconds and comes back with arms full of medical supplies. By the time he's done with the arm, it looks about the same as Sanji's. The blond fails to suppress a snicker at his master's look of annoyance, and his ribs quickly remind him why he shouldn't be laughing at others.
"Here, apply this antiseptic cream twice a day until it completely heals, and don't you do it again." The doctor points his little hoof at the swordsman's nose in what seems to be the most threatening way he can manage. Then he pulls out a long tube attached to a plastic bag. "And now for the blood... Let's see, I think we can start with one day's supply."
"How many days would he need to recover?"
"For a normal human being it would take around six weeks, but he seems to be healing much faster while he's in human form. I'd say in about a week he'd be ready to resume normal activities."
"Why don't you just take what he needs for the week? He needs to stay human for at least that long, right?"
"You would die from blood loss."
"What happens when he runs out of my blood and still hasn't recovered?"
"I suppose he would have to return to sword form and wait until you're ready to give blood again. This is my first time having a cursed blade as a patient too."
"You can take more than you think, and I'd still be fine. I'm used to losing blood."
"It's not up for negotiation, you punk!" Chopper snaps an elastic band around the swordsman's upper arm with a bit too much force.
"Zoro, I know you're trying to help, but we don't have back up blood supply on this ship yet. As a doctor I can't intentionally put you in danger like that."
"How about-" The moss head pauses, distracted by a needle poking into his vein. Sanji takes the opportunity to jump in.
"Will you stop harassing the doctor already, shithead? He fixed both Nami-san and me. He knows what he's doing. Have a little respect for his expertise!" The blond barks as the idiot's haggling wears on his already thin patience. To his surprise, the little doctor dons a goofy little smile and does an embarrassed little dance, all the while muttering how hearing a compliment won't make him happy, bastards, in a squeaky little voice.
Sanji is certain the sight would melt even the coldest, blackest of hearts. He looks over to the swordsman, and sure enough, the man's watching Chopper with a rare fondness in his eyes.