Dread settled in Himiko's stomach like a stone twice her size.
"Where have you been?" The moment the blonde stepped into the parking lot, Aunt Iku glared at her, her hands on her hips. The woman simply stood there, stance firm and business suit crisp as she waited for her niece to reach the car. Himiko glanced up, but quickly looked away, her head ducked as she held her backpack to her chest, protecting the contents within. She walked quickly, but not the happy sort of skip she would have during class; no, instead, it was a nervous scurry, a squirrel approaching a cat to avoid the consequences of running away.
Standing in front of the car, Aunt Iku looked a lot to Papa; tall and thin, with dark hair and yellow, slitted eyes. But, despite those similarities, the two couldn't look more different.
Papa was a happy person, the sort that looked most natural with a soft spoken smile and a kind warmth in his eyes. His hair was the color of freshly baked bread, and his eyes the color of sunrise in late spring. He always wore his Kobe University baseball cap, and loved taking her to the park. And, whenever he had a day off from work, he'd always make sure to tuck her in to bed and read to her.
But Aunt Iku…
She was nothing like Papa. Not in her smile, not in her eyes. Not her straight, short hair, or her analytically applied makeup. She never wore baseball caps, never went to parks.
Never read to Himiko.
"Oh, well, uh…" Himiko sputtered out an answer, her anxious gaze refusing to leave her toes. "I was just with Mrs. Kondo. She was explaining some stuff to me."
That was a terrible excuse. Himiko knew it was a terrible excuse. But it was better than no excuse, because the alternative was telling the truth. And Aunt Iku wouldn't want to hear the truth.
The older woman simply stared at the girl, her narrow, lipstick-coated lips locked in a tight scowl, and Himiko shrunk under the weight.
There were a few moments of stiff silence, but finally, Aunt Iku just sighed, most of the tension leaving her body. Most, but not all; Aunt Iku was always tense, always worried about something. And Himiko only ever caused more problems, like a fish living in a zoo. Aunt Iku never knew what to do with her, never understood what Himiko meant. But that was Himiko's own fault.
"... Look, Himiko, I know that you love asking questions, and that's great." She patted Himiko on the shoulder, but it was cold and distant, just a motion, without a drop of understanding or sympathy. "But we're in a bit of a hurry right now."
Of course they were in a hurry. Aunt Iku was always in a hurry, always had something to do. But what they were rushing towards, Himiko didn't want to get to. It was scary. It hurt. It-
… It wasn't something Aunt Iku understood, no matter how much Himiko tried to tell her.
Himiko nodded, swallowing the fat knot of words that was stuck in the back of her throat. "I know…"
The woman jerked her head towards the car and plucked her keys out of her pocket, spinning them on her finger. "Well, come on then. I brought a set of clothes for you, it's in the back."
Himiko bit her lip, her sharp canines digging into the flesh, but hopped into the car. "... O-ok."
The car hummed to life, and Himiko sunk into the seat, buckling herself. She… well, she didn't particularly like Aunt Iku's car. The seats were too soft, like big leather pillows, but instead of being the sort she would snuggle into or have a pillow fight with, she would simply sink too far into them. And the car was far too clean, both in how it looked and sounded. It didn't rumble like Mama's SUV, but instead buzzed like one of Himiko's remote control cars. And the inside was perfectly organized, perfectly sterilized.
It was suffocating.
"Okay, let's see here…" Aunt Iku wove through the city's dense rush hour traffic, her knuckles white on the steering wheel as she muttered under her breath. "First, I need to drop her off, and then I need to go to the dry cleaners, and then I need to pack…" She rapted her fingers, and then clicked her tongue. "Dammit, I forgot to do the laundry yesterday!"
"... I could help, if you want… T-take care of the house, and... stuff." Painting a smile onto her face Himiko spoke up. A ragged puppy trying to attract an owner before the pound had to put her down.
She knew what Aunt Iku was going to say, even before the woman looked at her in the rearview mirror. It was a long shot. No, it was more than that, because a long shot sounded possible. It was like trying to throw her pencil over the school building, and somehow circle the right answer on a test. But…
Himiko fiddled with her hair, hesitantly tugging at her blond bangs.
But she didn't want to. If there was even a small chance that she could avoid it, she would jump at it like a hungry cat.
Aunt Iku scowled. "Himiko, you have counseling this weekend, and I have a meeting out of town." Her words were simple and firm, like they were set in stone. And to try and convince her otherwise would be like arguing with one. But Himiko didn't want to fight anymore, because she was bound to lose. After two years, there wasn't a drop of fight left in her.
Himiko forced a weak smile onto her face, held together by desperate optimism. "But I don't really have to go, right?"
Aunt Iku shook her head, muttering something to herself as she switched lanes. She did that a lot. She probably thought Himiko couldn't hear, or maybe she just didn't care. And, in some ways, Himiko wished she didn't hear it. She knew she was a freak. That didn't mean she wanted to hear Aunt Iku whisper about it.
Finally, after a long silence, Aunt Iku responded. "Himiko, I understand that you don't like it, but in the end…" She took a moment to consider her words, flipping on her turn signal. "... Well, in the end, this is going to help you get better."
Get better.
Like she was sick.
… Well, she was sick.
She was sick, just like Mama had been. And just like Mama, she had been sick from birth.
"... But counseling won't help anyways, right?" Himiko let out a sad laugh, the small sort that held not even a bit of genuine happiness. It sounded like an old, broken record player mumbling out the happy birthday song to a dark, dusty cafe, long since abandoned by anyone that cared. "I mean, you told me that only a monster would have a quirk like mine or Mama's. And the doctors can't change that."
Before she had moved in with Aunt Iku, she had never laughed like that. But whenever she talked with the woman, it seemed to be the only way she could react. The only way she could cope. Because, no matter what she did, it was a lost battle.
But she didn't want to stop smiling. She didn't want to lose that little spark, the piece of her soul that felt warm and fuzzy. When she felt happy, she couldn't help but smile. So, maybe if she smiled enough, she could feel happy.
"You know that's not what I meant. It's just…" Aunt Iku sighed, and Himiko caught just the barest amount of empathy in the back of her cold eyes. "Well, Fuyuko should've done a better job raising you. And now, I just want to make sure you get the help you need."
Fuyuko. That's what she called Mama, and Himiko hated it. She didn't like hating things, but she truly hated it. Not Mama's name, but the way Aunt Iku said it. She spat it out, as though even the woman's name was enough to disgust her, as though it were poison.
Well, Mama wasn't. Himiko's smile shrunk a bit, losing some of the meager spark it had to begin with as she listlessly watched cars pass. Mama loved Himiko, just like Papa had, no matter what Aunt Iku thought. She was just as much Mama's child as Papa's. Her blond hair, her sharp teeth, the way she could roll her tongue, all things Aunt Iku didn't have the slightest trace of. Even her quirk was from both of her parents.
And no matter what the doctors did, they couldn't change her DNA.
They couldn't fix her.
"Ok, and… here we are." The car pulled off into a parking lot, just in front of an office building. The engine shut off, a subtle hum that was only noticeable when it disappeared, and the businesswoman stepped out of the car, careful to balance on her tall heels. Looking back, she picked up her black purse, and gestured towards the building. "Come on, we're already late."
At the sight of the building itself, Himiko froze up.
She didn't want to.
Not again.
Last week was even worse than normal. And if they did that again, then-
"Himiko!"
The girl snapped out of her trance, her wide yellow eyes shooting towards the woman outside the car.
It didn't matter that she didn't want to. She didn't have a choice.
So long as she was a monster, she had to.
She shivered at some non-existent chill, but scurried out of the car, snatching up her backpack and clothes bag.
Following her aunt, the two entered the building, and walked directly to the elevator. The doors opened with a chime, and the older woman pressed a button. And, as the elevator began its way up, Himiko shook.
Calm down.
She licked her lips.
Calm down.
Her fists were clenched so tightly, the knuckles were ghostly white.
She had been through this so many times, it should've been normal, but-
Aunt Iku placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and Himiko sucked in a sharp breath.
"It's ok. The doctors know what they're doing." Aunt Iku spoke coldly, making a blunt statement of fact.
Was…
Was that supposed to be comforting?
Himiko didn't know, but she clung to the woman's hand anyway. A cold and uncaring lifeline. But Papa was gone, and so was Mama. So Aunt Iku was the only lifeline she had.
When the doors opened again, Himiko had managed to steady her breathing. At least, steady it enough. Aunt Iku stepped out, taking Himiko with her to the lobby desk, and began chatting with the receptionist. Himiko would've listened, but she couldn't hear it over the room's deafening stillness. She stared at the gray carpeted floor, unable to move at all without shaking.
The lobby was so bare, so soulless. Blaring fluorescent lights and cream-colored walls. Pleather sitting chairs and cheap wooden tables. A scattering of fashion magazines, fake beauty using fake products, and a few dozen pamphlets about quirk illnesses, covered in fake patients with fake smiles.
It was all so fake, so forced, it hurt.
But it didn't just hurt because it was artificial.
It hurt because it was unattainable.
This was what she was supposed to be. Pretty and smiling and…
And normal. Just normal.
Aunt Iku just didn't hate Himiko; she hated the monster. And Himiko understood. She did bad things. No one else loved her bites, no one else smiled at the sight of blood. And Himiko knew it was wrong, she knew that she wasn't supposed to. After all, it hurt people, and hurting people was bad. But…
But what if that was the only way to show them that she cared? What if it was the only language that Himiko understood? How was the monster ever supposed to be happy?
Was the monster allowed to be happy?
"Ok, you should be just about ready!" The receptionist politely smiled at them, and directed their attention towards the door at the back of the lobby. "Dr. Nisechiryo will be out in just a moment."
"Ah, thank you." Bowing her head in response, Aunt Iku dragged Himiko over to the chairs beside the door. Sitting down in one of them, she pushed Himiko into the other, and cleared her throat.
The girl simply fiddled with the straps on her backpack, her mouth dry. She glanced over, just to find Aunt Iku had flipped out her phone, reading the news. If it was going to be a while, then...
She licked her lips, daring to force a smile. She could be anywhere else, but in this lobby, in the place, she couldn't. Her mouth simply refused to comply. So instead, she settled for hiding behind her bookbag, desperate to maintain her mask. If no one else saw her frown, she could pretend it was a smile. "M-may I read my book?"
Aunt Iku looked over, raising an eyebrow as she suspiciously scanned the girl. Himiko fidgeted, but the woman just sighed disinterestedly. "Fine."
"T-thank you." Himiko tore her bag open, fumbling to grab the heavy book at the bottom as though it were some hidden treasure that may try to escape.
'Our Oddities: Quirks, their biology, and our genetics'
Smiling weakly, she flipped the book open, quickly leafing through pages. Let's see… Inheritance… Quirk types… Here! Genetic influences! As she read, she disappeared from the lobby, diving into a world of new knowledge that she meticulously read each and every bit of.
This wasn't her book; no, Mrs. Kondo had lent it to her. The teacher had apparently bought it a few weeks ago, and after reading it, thought her student might enjoy it. 'For the up-and-coming scientist,' she had said. Himiko giggle at me memory. She didn't understand everything in the book, not yet. But, one day, she'd be the scientist Mrs. Kondo believed she could be.
"Now, what's this we have here?" A stout man in a lab coat plucked the book out of Himiko's hands, and the girl cried out, shocked out of her trance.
The man read a few lines, and then took a curious look at the cover, before giving Himiko a big smile. "Well, it looks like we have a little geneticist-in-training! I always love seeing a young mind interested in science!" He gave a boisterous laugh, and slapped Himiko on the shoulder, a rough and friendly gesture. She flinched away, her muscles tensing at his touch. "So, how are you doing today, little Ms. Toga?"
"Dr. Nisechiryo! I'm, uh, I'm doing…" She sputtered, grabbing her book from the man's hands and hugging it close before continuing. "... Alright." She shrunk back, not looking him in the eye.
"Good! And you, big Ms. Toga?" He turned to Aunt Iku, letting out yet another bighearted laugh.
"I am doing quite well, thank you." She politely shook the doctor's hand, her cool smile not quite reaching her eyes. "I am to pick her up monday morning, correct?"
"Indeed you are!" The short man's black beard bounced as he spoke, and his teeth were noticeably sharper than normal, not unlike Himiko's own. "We'll just be having a normal session this time, not as intense as last week."
Himiko almost sighed in relief at that, but her chest was far too tight to allow that. It was as though, ever since the man entered the room, her chest had been tightly bound with elastic chains, unable to take a deep breath.
"Well then, I suppose I'll be headed out. Please take care of my niece." She gave the doctor a respectful bow, and patted Himiko on the head. "I'll be back on monday, so behave well, ok?"
Himiko nodded silently, not trusting herself to speak, but that was apparently enough for Aunt Iku. She picked up her purse, and quickly excused herself, walking as fast as she politely could.
"So, little Ms. Toga!" Dr. Nisechiryo clapped his hands, rubbing them together as though he were preparing to cook something. "Shall we get started?" He spun on his heel, his large feet clomping against the floor as he began towards the hallway.
"Y-yeah…" Himiko nodded, a stiff and jerky movements, before continuing to follow the man. Her wide eyes traveled over him, drinking in every little detail just like a deer watching a mountain lion.
The man was the nicest of the doctors, happy and good humored. He told really funny jokes, and was quick to give hugs. In some ways, she should be relieved that he was the one on shift this weekend. The other doctors and nurses saw her just like Aunt Iku did, a beast to be tamed. If it was someone like Dr. Daruma…
The man's bronze goggles flashed in her memory, his seaweed-green lenses cold and dead.
Himiko was glad she had been too worried to eat lunch earlier, because if she hadn't it would've just left her knotted stomach, staining the carpet.
Finally, they reached a collection of doors gathered around a dead end, each one made of a cold metal that was painted to look like wood. The windows were criss-crossed with thin wire, and the door had a large lock on the outside.
Unlocking the door, Dr. Nisechiryo bowed and waved his arm. "Here you are, little lady!" He smiled, and stood at the door as she entered.
It was a small room, one that Himiko had been in many times. A bed, a toilet. A small desk, but no paper or pencils. A hospital gown carefully folded and placed in the desk chair. And all of it was just as sterile and fake as the lobby. Himiko swallowed, and entered, clenching her bags in whiteknuckled hands.
"Well, I'll be back in just a moment!" He patted Himiko on the head, and drew out a set of keys. "I'll just start getting the station ready, so don't be too slow in getting dressed. Oh, I know! It's a race to see which of us is faster. Deal?"
He laughed, but Himiko couldn't respond, just staring at the gown. There were a few moments of dead silence, before the man forced a chuckle, and closed the door. There was a small click, and the thudding of footsteps. But Himiko still didn't move.
Her two bags dropped to the ground, but her eyes refused to budge from the pale blue paper dress.
Looking at it, she already knew what this weekend would hold. Every single muscle in her body screamed to run, to try the door to do something, anything! But…
But it was useless. No matter what she tried, she could never stop it. And every single time, they told her the same thing:
'It's for your own good.'
She clenched her teeth, tears stinging the corners of her eyes.
How would this fix anything? How was any of this helping? How-
Her voice caught, a weak mewl escaping her throat.
How would any of this fix the monster?
Slowly, almost hesitantly, she stripped, replacing her clothes with the paper gown. It felt too light, too breezy. There was barely anything covering her at all, and the cool air nipped at her skin.
There was a light knock at the door. "Ms. Toga? Are you ready in there?"
"Y-" She choked on her dry throat. "Yes."
"Ah, good!" Dr. Nisechiryo unlocked the door, and it creaked open. "Please come this way!"
Following the man down the hallway, they soon arrived in a room filled with machines. On one end, there was a small television screen, with a heavy chair bolted to the floor in front of it. And, set up all around the chair, were various machines, each one covered in slick white plastic. Dozens of knobs and buttons covered the surfaces of all of them, and many, many more thin wires were wrapped up, clean and ready for use.
Without prompting, Himiko moved to the chair. The plastic cushioning wrinkled as she sat down, and she made no moves as the doctor bound her wrists, ankles, and forehead. The straps felt far too tight, but they always did.
After the straps were secured, the doctor checking three times to be sure, he began to place the wires on her skin. Her arms, chest, legs, head; there was barely a place left without a wire in sight. He'd press them against her flesh, sticky tan pads keeping them in place. And Himiko simply held still, watching the doctor prepare the treatment.
She knew the process. She knew not to resist. So long as she complied, Dr. Nisechiryo wouldn't call the nurses. She remembered what happened when she did.
The first time they had used the machine, she hadn't understood until it was too late.
The second time, she had fought tooth and nail to escape.
And Dr. Daruma hadn't shown an ounce of sympathy.
She took a sharp breath, desperate to forget the memory.
She glanced up, seeing Dr. Nisechiryo's smile as he worked. It was… It was a natural smile. A kind one. One that seemed to say that everything would be ok, and that today was a normal day.
It was terrifying.
"So, Ms. Toga!"
"H-huh?" The silence in Himiko's mind was shattered by the round man's voice, the girl snapping back to reality and breaking her petrified stare.
The man smiled at her, continuing to place the pads on her skin, each one very carefully placed. "Have you followed our little promise?"
Himiko's heart dropped.
The promise. The promise that he always checked in on.
Oh no.
Himiko's mouth felt like a dried up riverbed, and she choked on the dust. "... M-mostly…"
No.
The answer was no.
But she didn't want to say that, not at all.
Because she knew he'd have-
There it was. That disappointed look. Almost like a kicked puppy, but somehow more in control. The two men were nothing alike, but when he was disappointed, the doctor looked nearly identical to Papa.
She would've ducked her head, trying to hide from his sad frown, his solemn eyes, but the strap on her forehead kept her firmly in place.
Dr. Nisechiryo paused, simply looking at Himiko his sad brown eyes. "Please be honest with me. I only want to help."
Help.
He just wanted to help.
Even if his help couldn't fix her...
She could see it in his eyes, that he wasn't lying.
He did care. He genuinely wanted to help her.
She bit her lip, her heart twisted and heavy. She couldn't lie to him, and she knew it.
"M-my friend…" Himiko began slowly, trying to think of some way to escape his disappointment without lying. "She got a cut. And I wanted to cheer her up, so… was that wrong?"
She hadn't cut her friend. She'd stopped doing that, at least. This time, her friend had just tripped and scratched herself. And, when she started crying… Well, Himiko simply acted on instinct. A little bit of blood, just enough to transform. A lot of smiles. Any jokes she could think of, just to cheer her up.
The girl shrunk under the doctor's stare, her stomach sick and twisted with guilt.
The doctor let out a long sigh, a sad sound that only made Himiko feel worse, before continuing to apply the pads. "Little miss, I understand why. No one likes seeing others get hurt. But you can't just do that. It's not sanitary, and even if she didn't say anything, probably very scary."
Himiko tried to nod, but her head was still strapped to the chair. She had scared the girl, and she knew it. No matter what she had tried, the girl just cried harder. And… and it made her feel awful! She hadn't just failed, she had made it worse! Tears singed Himiko's eyes, and she had to blink away her watery vision.
"Some people's quirks help people, yes." The doctor gave Himiko a meaningful look, as though he was saying what was necessary, but not what he wanted. A man breaking the news to his daughter that, sometimes, dreams don't come true. "But sometimes, we need to draw lines. And quirks like yours, the best thing that they can do is sit quietly in a corner, where we can live life without them."
Himiko was motionless, her eyes locked on her lap. "... Why? Why is my quirk bad?"
The man took a deep breath, and placed one of his meaty hands on her head, trying his best to comfort her. "Ms. Toga, your quirk hurts people. Even when you don't mean to, it hurts people. And do you know what you call someone who hurt others over and over, despite knowing the consequences?" He paused for a moment, as if the girl would answer him. "A villain."
… A villain.
Was that what Mama was? She hurt Himiko, over and over. And Papa too. She had told her so.
But they had liked it. It was like hugs and kisses. So, were they still villains?
Were they all monsters?
A heavy silence filled the room, like black ink spreading to fill an entire aquarium. It seemed to creep into every crevice, fill every cranny, until there was nothing left but oppressive emptiness.
"... I'm sorry, that was a depressing thought!" Dr. Nichiryo clapped his hands together, attempting to recover his normal cheery energy, before placing the last pad and bumbling over to on of the machines. "Let's just get started!"
"O-okay."
They were about to begin.
She could barely blink, her eyes held open by the electric fear coursing through her veins.
She could barely breathe, her entire body shaking.
She could barely think, her mind filled with thick, sludge-like terror.
Any moment now.
It could happen at the flick of a switch.
Was there really no other way?
Was there no other way for her to be fixed?
Or was she just doomed to be a villain?
She didn't want to! S-she wanted to help people!
She wished she had a normal quirk!
She wished she had a normal life!
She wished-
The first slide appeared on screen, and searing electricity tore through her veins, her muscles tearing themselves apart as they were set on fire.
And, like a bird trapped in an electrified cage, the child screamed.
)ooOoo(
A bloodcurdling scream shattered the midnight silence.
Izuku's eyes snapped open, and he shot up. Was that-?
Another scream tore through the air, almost a sob.
"Toga?" The boy threw off his blanket, scrambling out of his bed. He barged through his door and rushed down the hallway, whatever nighttime exhaustion left quickly melting away to his rising panic. "Toga!"
That was her scream. He had never heard her scream before, and definitely not like this, but there was no mistaking that it was her voice. And there was no mistaking the absolute terror in it.
Stumbling into the living room, he caught sight of her, curled up on the sofa. Blankets and pillows were strewn every which way, and she was huddled in the corner, her small body racked by violent sobs.
… Oh god.
He was at her side. There was no passage of time, no moment of thought. Simply, one moment he was at the entrance to the living room, and the next, he was on the sofa, hugging her close. He placed his forehead against hers, and bit his lip, sputtering out whatever came to mind in something almost like a coo. "I-it's ok, Toga… I'm here for you, I'm here…"
Was that supposed to be reassuring? He had sounded like an overstrung violin! All he was going to do was make her panic more! How do you comfort someone? How do you comfort Himiko? Is he supposed to say anything? But she probably wouldn't even hear any of what he was saying, much less understand it! And was his hug even helping? Oh All Might, he's not wearing a shirt! But he couldn't just go back and grab one! He couldn't leave Himiko alo-
"Is everything alright?!" His mom burst into their room, dressed in an old green nightgown and her hair a frizzy mess. She immediately caught sight of the two teenagers huddled on the sofa, and gasped. She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it, and…
… Were those hand signals? She pointed at Himiko, and then… what was she trying to say? He could squint as much as he liked in the dark, but the woman's frantic hand-waving still made no sense. Izuku tried to handwave back, but the confusion was obvious on Mom's face. The boy was about to try again, but another sharp gasp racked Himiko's body, and his hands instantly went back to trying to comfort her.
Mom bit her lip, worry filling her green eyes, and her voice came out in a tense whisper. "What happened?"
Izuku shook his head, and mouthed 'I don't know,' his voice afraid to speak. A nightmare? That's all he could think of. But he couldn't even begin to imagine what it was about. She somehow always managed to smile, even in the worst of situations, so to see her reduced to this shivering, fragile mess, snot and tears running down her face as she struggled to breath… Izuku could only stare in horror.
It took all of the will in his body, but he somehow managed to tear his eyes away from her, and look towards Mom. Licking his chapped lips, his jaw shook as he spoke. "I-... I'll calm her down, ok? You have work tomorrow, and…" He glanced at the clock, and then back towards his mom. "... It's almost three, so go get some rest. I'll tell you in the morning."
Mom looked unconvinced, a worried scowl on her face as she watched Himiko. Izuku could see the concern in her eyes, the exact same type she had whenever Izuku himself got hurt. "Are you sure? I can help if you want, and…" The woman swallowed, her words petering out as she wrung her hands.
Was he sure?
His closest friend was bawling her eyes out in his arms, so emotionally broken that she seemed almost unresponsive, and Izuku would give anything in the world to make her better.
So no, he wasn't sure, not in the least. Mom would almost certainly know how to comfort the girl better than him, how to calm her down and perhaps even cheer her up. But…
But despite that, Izuku didn't want to let her. He didn't want to move, didn't want to let go of her. He…
He wanted to be the one to comfort her. And even though his mind told him that it was stupid, that it was selfish, the pain in his chest refused to let him give Mom a chance.
He set his jaw, nodding with the confidence of a doctor about to conduct heart surgery for the first time. "... I can take care of this."
Mom look at him cautiously, and then at Himiko, before reluctantly nodding. "O-ok. but if anything happens, come and get me." She spoke hesitantly, but with authority, the words becoming a binding agreement the moment they left Mom's mouth. Izuku nodded silently, and his mom took a step back into her room, not quite closing the door.
Himiko choked back a whimper, and pressed her face into his chest. Her thin arms wrapped around him, and she clutched at his back, sharp nails digging into his shoulder blades. Izuku gasped in pain, but didn't move away, only holding her closer. He wouldn't let go, not until she wanted to. Not until she was ready.
For a few long minutes, or possibly just an extremely short eternity, they simply sat there, embracing each other.
The world was still, but the room was filled with sobs.
The winter air was frigid, but the girl's skin was hot.
Izuku's hands were steady, but Himiko still shook.
"It's okay, it's okay…" Maybe it was stupid, maybe it wouldn't work, but as Izuku brushed the girl's knotted hair with his fingers, he whispered words of comfort. "I'm here for you…"
It took time, but the girl began to calm down. The broken sobs and sharp gasps became weak whimpers and sniffles, a shattered porcelain doll piecing itself together. Her grip on him loosened, but she refused to let go, resting her head on his shoulder.
Izuku absently played with her hair, staring at the thin strands between his fingers as his thoughts lingered.
It was strange, the thing he noticed when the world was completely still.
The feeling of Himiko's chest rising and falling, in perfect tempo with his own.
The smell, of himself, of his house, of the girl hugging him close. All so different, yet so intertangled it was hard to pin down which sensations belonged to each.
And perhaps most noticeable, how small Himiko actually was. She was honestly a tiny girl, now that he looked at her. During the day, she was this ball of energy, an unstoppable force that could barrel through anything, regardless of how unmoveable it was. But here, bathed in dark shadows, it was apparent how thin and twig-like she was.
It made Izuku's heart tighten.
Himiko shifted against him, raising her head. And, for the first time that night, Izuku saw her face.
Himiko wasn't a pretty crier, not in the least. It was the strangest thought to have, and Izuku didn't have the slightest clue why it was the one that appeared in his head, but she just wasn't. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were streaked with dark eyeliner. She wiped her nose, and tried to keep her breathing steady as her eyes lingered over him, wearily considering something Izuku couldn't hope to understand. She opened her mouth, but took a moment to speak, her voice having gotten lost along the way.
"... Have you ever wanted to change your quirk?"
The silence was deafening.
"... What?" Whatever had been holding Izuku's brain together must've decided that the effort simply wasn't worth it, because his brain shut down. He simply stared at her, his green eyes begging for an answer.
"I-I know you don't have one, but I mean…" Himiko weakly sputtered the words out, as though she secretly knew the effort was pointless, but then forced a smile, a pale shadow of her normal gleefulness. "Imagine if you could. Imagine if you could just stick a needle in your arm, and then poof! A different you, new and improved!" She laughed, but it was a hollow sound, a cafeteria bell ringing in a school that had been abandoned for decades.
"W-what are you talking about?" Izuku stared in shock, unable to tear his gaze away from her strained smile. Changing quirks? What did that have to do with anything? Why would she-
… What would drive her to want to change her own?
She reached up, running her fingers through his hair. "You could be a hero! You could change your DNA, and then suddenly be able to spit flames, or have bigger muscles, or whatever you wanted! And I could-" Her voice caught, and she choked back tears. "And I could be normal. I could be more than a villain."
Izuku grabbed her wrist, and stared into her shattered yellow eyes, a worried scowl on his face.
It was so… so wrong! Seeing her like this, the desperation to be happy, it was like he was watching her smack her head against a concrete wall over and over, telling herself it was perfectly normal! And it hurt, like Izuku's chest was being torn apart piece by piece! Like his stomach was being cut open and filled with liquid nitrogen. And… and it made him angry. Angry to see her treat herself like this, angry to watch her pretend. Angry that he still knew practically nothing, and not anywhere close enough to being able to help her. He grit his teeth, and hissed. "... You're not a villain."
"Yes I am." She bit her lip and tried to look away in shame, but Izuku held her cheek in place, denying her the chance. "I've hurt people. I've hurt you. And I've done it, over and over, even though I know full well that- That I can't fix it!"
Was this how she saw herself? Just some villain in the making? Just some failed experiment, bound to hurt everyone around her? How could she even think like that? She had her unique little tendencies, but to hurt someone? To actually, intentionally hurt someone? It wasn't just unlikely, it was... impossible, simply put. There wasn't another person on earth that was more caring and compassionate than the girl in his arms, no hero, no doctor, no one! Izuku held her tighter, his firm eyes burrowing into her.
"Toga, you haven't hurt me. And the others…" Izuku paused, chewing on his lips. She had hurt people, she had told him. The person at her foster care center. But… but if she was the girl Izuku thought she was, if she was the girl Izuku had come to love, it couldn't have been out of anything other than love. "Maybe they'll understand, someday. Villains, they hurt people because they don't care. They hurt people because they want something that someone else has. But what you do… you only do it because you care."
"I-!" Himiko stared up at him, beginning to shake. Tears filled her eyes, along with a myriad of other emotions. Pain. Regret. Desire and self-loathing, mixing together into some sort of self-destructive cycle. Her voice wavered, and she leaned closer, enough that he could feel her breath against his face. "I wanna be someone else. I wanna show that I care some other way. Without hurting people, without scaring them. I… I wanna be normal. Izuku… I want to become you..."
A few small words.
A simple request.
But Izuku's breath hitched.
She leaned towards the nape of his neck, opening her jaw even wider as she squeezed her eyes shut.
Izuku couldn't breath. His heart thudded against his ribs. His eyes were forced open, and his muscles had an electric current running through them, so stiff and tense that something might tear if he tried to move.
Her teeth suddenly seemed so much longer, shimmering fangs in the low light. They were… pretty, in the dangerous way. He wanted to feel it. He wanted her to sink her teeth in, to taste his blood, claim him as her own.
He wanted to be hers.
Her partner.
Her prey.
But…
But the desperation in her voice, the loneliness in her eyes.
This wasn't what Izuku wanted!
"N-no!" He pushed her away, stumbling back. The sofa was under him, and then it wasn't. The world lost its orientation, and his shoulder slammed against the wooden floor with a dull thud. Scrambling to his knees, he looked up-
To see the pain in her eyes. The rejection.
He reached out, to touch her, to comfort her, to do something, but she pulled away.
"… I scare you too, don't I?" She couldn't even keep up her fake smile together, the fragile thing falling apart in front of Izuku's eyes. "And not just in that cute little surface way, right? I can see it, in your eyes. Deep down, you're scared of me. Just like everyone else. And, just like everyone else, I'll eventually have to leave, right? I'll scare you too much, and you'll push me away! I'll have to leave, to disappear from you life just like I have from everyone else's!" She shouted at him, her nails digging into her arms.
No.
No, no, no, nononono!
This wasn't happening!
He wouldn't let this happen!
Izuku didn't hesitate, grabbing both of her shoulders despite her attempts to escape his grip.
"I'm scared of losing you!" The dam broke. The storm of emotions that had existed in his heart, that he had been so careful to compartmentalize and seal off from one another, burst free and began pouring out of his mouth. "Himiko, I don't want you to become me, or mom, or anyone else, because I want you to be you! I don't want you to be normal! I've never seen a 'normal' person with a smile like yours, or a 'normal' person with that sparkle in your eyes! No one 'normal' has ever believed in me, no one 'normal' ever gave me a chance! But you…"
He choked on his own words. What was he saying? He didn't even know. There was no filter, nothing in place to let him know what was being said before Himiko did. And Himiko just watched in shock, in disbelief.
He grit his teeth, and looked her dead in the eye, wanting to make sure she understood. Wanting to make sure he understood. So that, when the words left his mouth, they would be more than just vibrations in the air. "Himiko, you saved me. You pulled me off that ledge, you put your faith in me. Of all the people on this earth, you were the only one who cared enough to open up to me, even with no guarantee that I'd understand or accept you. And so… I-I don't want you to change. At least, not like that."
There was a stiff silence as she stared at him, and neither of them moved. Himiko didn't look sad, not anymore. But… She didn't look happy either. She made no movement to draw him closer or push him away, simply watching as the gears behind her eyes turned. She looked like a machine, cold and distant, rusted and overworked. As though something inside of her, the thing that made emotions, it had simply given up. But, after a few moments, she fell forwards, collapsing into Izuku's embrace.
She… she wasn't going to fight him. She wasn't going to leave him.
Izuku let out a relieved sigh, and tears stung the edges of his eyes.
Oh lord, his heart hurt.
"... There's a lot I haven't told you." Her voice was low and soft, as though she were simply saying it out of obligation. Out of some need to prove herself a monster.
Had he have been less tired, Izuku would've said something the moment the words left her mouth. But instead, he gave his hazy mind a moment to consider, the two teenagers resting against the sofa.
Izuku took a deep breath, petting the back of her head. "T-thats ok, I think. I mean, t-there's a lot I haven't told you about myself. We've only known each other for a few months, after all…" His words fell apart after that, but the meaning was clear.
A laugh escaped Himiko's lips. "You think nine months is a short time?"
There was her giggle. Izuku smiled softly, his green eyes full of affection. It wasn't big or energetic; no, if anything, this laugh was kind of sad. But it was a laugh, a genuine 'Himiko laugh.' And, honestly, Izuku couldn't ask for more. "When you want to spend your life with someone, nine months isn't really that long."
Himiko's eyes shot towards him, filled with surprise.
What was she-?
Wait.
The true meaning of what Izuku had just said dawned on him, and just like sunrise, his face turned bright red. "Wait, I, uh, I mean-!"
Himiko laughed out loud, a massive smile spreading across her face. It was almost as though this girl and the one from moments before were entirely different people, and this one had just won the lottery. "Words are hard sometimes, aren't they? So, I just have one question..." She reached up, cupping his cheek and cocking her head, almost like a baby bird. "... Do you mean it?"
Oh All Might, save him!
His heart was in his throat, and his foot was in his mouth. He couldn't deny it! He couldn't just say no! But to confess to her? The very thought sent his mind into panicked spirals! But after so long of just standing beside her, trying to trick himself into thinking that he could never be anything more than just a friend-!
"Y-yes!" He blurted it out, as though he were an athlete doing call and response with his coach.
Himiko squealed, her smile spreading even wider. "What do you mean?"
What did he mean? God, he didn't know! He didn't know what the feeling in his heart was, why the thought of her toothy smile made him blush or why his stomach did backflips whenever she touched him. But he answered anyway, saying the only thing that felt anywhere close to right.
"I love you!"
"And I love you too!"
"Wait, you d-?" Izuku's eyes snapped open, but before he could even finish his question, the girl tackled him from point blank, throwing him down onto the sofa.
And her teeth sunk into his neck.
Izuku gasped, choking back a scream. Pain, pleasure, exhilaration and joy all mixed together in some indescribable sensation. It was terrifying, it was amazing. The sharp fangs puncturing his skin, her tongue hungrily licking up his blood.
Izuku shivered, drowning in pleasure. But… but this was only half of it.
His breath came in sharp rasps, and his eyes lingered over the nape of her neck.
She had claimed him.
And now he had to claim her.
Leaning down, he twisted around her, and bit down.
Not hard, not nearly as hard as she bit him. But enough to draw blood. Enough to taste her life, bitter and metallic. Enough to show he cared.
The two were in no rush to break from their embrace. But when they did, Izuku was glad he knew where the first aid kit was.
A/N: G'evenin', everyone. Does this count as a big kiss? Like, it ain't, but… ya know, pretty close. We'll say they can improve their aim. Sorry about the lack of comment responses, I finished editing this in the early hours of the morning and then realized I had no author's note.
Also! I've been crunching a few numbers, and I have both good and bad news, depending on your mentality. Simply put, looking at the current pace of plot progression, and casting a look over 'the chart,' it's looking like this story is gonna be somewhere in the 900,000 to 1,000,000 word mark. So… strap in, I suppose. I don't need sleep anyway!
With only the worst of intentions,
Imp the Nefarious.