The sound of bird calls, light and fluttery. A subtle sound, dawning across Himiko's consciousness like the soft light of sunrise.
It felt nice.
Everything felt nice, actually.
It wasn't that everything felt perfect; far from it. Her limbs felt sore, twisted at uncomfortable angles all night, and her neck and shoulders had a very distinct sting. But, waking up so naturally, the cool winter light of dawn pouring through the windows and the peaceful silence of early morning filling the still air, it just felt nice. Ah, but that wasn't the best part. No, the best part was underneath her.
She groaned, nuzzling her face into Izu-kun's shoulder and pulling the blanket tighter around them.
Normally, she'd just jump out of bed and straight into the new day. Things to do, places to see, books to read. Inko might have only given her a few daily chores, but that didn't mean Himiko didn't keep herself busy. As soon as the sun rose, so did she, ready to join her companion on his morning jog. She had taken to some new habits as well, from drawing to reading Izu-kun's books to catching up on the school subjects she had neglected for a year. She had no lack of reasons to wake up, but...
Well, the air was cold, and Izu-kun's chest was warm. So, she would allow herself an exception just this once.
She smiled giddily to herself, snuggling up against her companion. Her fingers played with his mossy green hair, and a lovesick blush spread across her face, hot and pink. Just thinking about last night made her heart flutter, and her smile was so wide it almost hurt.
It was unbelievable. Everything about it really. Perfect, dreamlike, a start to a day she thought she'd never have. The first day of school, and the first day of her relationship with Izu-kun. Two things that were so perfectly normal, that they almost seemed mundane. Two things she never thought she'd have.
She giggled to herself, letting herself fantasize a bit longer. Letting herself see into their futures. Izu-kun was going to be a hero, a real hero. The sort that actually cared about others, the sort that genuinely helped others. And Himiko would become a renowned bioengineer, building a better humanity one base pair at a time. Maybe he could be her first experiment! It would most certainly help him, in some ways. She gave herself a moment to ponder the idea, feeling the lean curves of his chest as she thought about exactly what she would do to him. What quirk would suit him best? What could she change in him to make him all that much better? An emitter or transformation quirk, more than likely… But then again, there wouldn't be anything wrong with giving him a set of fangs like her own… If she could do something like that, she could almost certainly fix herself.
… It was so odd, really. The doctor and the hero. It… It was just like Mama and Papa, just a bit flipped. Hopefully, she and Izu-kun would love each other just like Mama and Papa did. And, with Mrs. Midoriya supporting them, they were almost the perfect family. She smiled warmly, a baby bird that had found its way back to the nest.
She pressed her ear to his chest, hearing his heart beat as his chest rose and fell. The world was at peace, seemingly everything at harmony on that chilly winter morning. But then, a small thought niggled at the back of her mind.
… How did relationships work? Her smile flickered, and she paused, a lock of the sleeping boy's hair wrapped around her finger. What was she supposed to do, now that she lived with her boyfriend? What would change? Something was going to change, obviously. She wanted something to change. But… she wasn't sure exactly what. Something that proved their relationship in a more tangible way, something more than just the jagged bite marks on their necks. She wanted him to be hers, completely and entirely.
Himiko snuggled closer to him, almost possessive as she let his scent fill her nose.
She… well, she would be the first to admit she didn't quite understand how relationships worked, or, at least not how normal ones did. The closest she had ever been to having a relationship was with Aimi, and even that had ended in rejection and… more rejection, really. There wasn't another word for what happened, or, at least, not one Himiko wanted to admit. And then there were all of the others, the ones she had been with before she met Izu-kun.
It was always the same story, as thought she had been caught in some hellish cycle. It was the exact same trap, but she fell for it over and over again.
A sidelong glance, a friendly smile.
The first conversation, the warm tendril of friendship reaching out to a cracked and confused soul.
A kind soul, and a lost child.
But her heart would cry out for them, a growing cry, wanting more and more until finally-
A confession. A rejection. A scream into the abyss as her teeth plunged into their neck. Hot tears and forced smiles, her body filling with syrup-sweet pleasure as her blade traveled up and down their soft flesh.
And, as the body grew cold, the lost child would stumble out of the alley, just as broken as before.
Himiko shivered, swallowing the bitter bile in her throat.
So… this, to have someone accept her for who she was, to have someone who didn't want her to change, she didn't know what to do. It might be peaceful waters, but they were still uncharted. And she didn't know where the boundaries were. She would do anything to stay with him, to not end up alone out in the cold city. The only thing worse than being alone was being abandoned, being pushed away and cast aside.
Himiko knew that she had only caused Mama issues, but she never wanted to feel like that again.
… Izu-kun wouldn't do that. Himiko looked down at the sleeping boy's face, dotted with freckles and fenced in by soft tufts of green hair. She had to have faith in him. He trusted her so completely, despite how little he knew about her, and he deserved that same trust. Her smile came back to her face, small and wistful.
She didn't know how relationships were supposed to work. She didn't know how love was supposed to work. And, even as smart as Izu-kun was, he probably didn't either. But they'd figure it out together.
There was a groan, and Izu-kun shuffled underneath her, his hands shifting from her waist to the small of her back as they tried to figure out exactly what they were touching.
There he was.
Himiko giggled, her cheeks pink as tulips as she peered down at him with sunflower-yellow eyes. "Good mooorning, Mr. Mossy."
"T-Toga?! What are yo-?" Izu-kun snapped up so quickly he almost threw the girl off him, but before he could so much as finish his sentence, his mouth was occupied by a certain other's. He resisted for a moment, grunting through the kiss in dull sounds that almost resembled words, but quickly surrendered, joining the blonde in a messy and passionate kiss. Tongues mingled, lips were bit, and by the time the two separated, they both took a moment to recover their breath. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, straddling him as she rested her forehead against his.
"You…" She panted, licking her lips. "You said Himiko last night."
"Well, uh, that was on accident, and…" He ducked his head, turning pink as his eyes tentatively darted back and forth, sneaking in small glances at Himiko. "Can I? C-call you Himiko, I mean!"
Could he call her that? She nearly rolled her eyes, a cool but satisfied smile on her face as she traced his jawline with lithe fingers. "Only if I can call you Izu-kun."
Izu-kun cocked his head, furrowing his eyebrows. "But you already-" She saw the circuit connect behind his green eyes, and he gasped in realization. His face somehow became even redder, as though the shrub had managed to turn into a cherry, and he nodded like a nervous child who was just told a very important secret.
He was always like this, so mature and yet so childish. He cared so deeply, even though he barely understood her, and he admired heroes so much, despite acknowledging their flaws. It was adorable! Himiko chuckled, hiding her mouth behind her hand.
Izu-kun opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated, a bit of worry creeping into his eyes. But he still smiled, a soft gesture that failed miserably in concealing his concern as he squeezed her hand. "... Please don't do that."
"Hm?" She cocked her head, her smile falling just a bit. What had she been doing? What boundary had she pushed? A cold hand squeezed her heart a bit, but she refused to let it reach her face, forcing a curious, if concerned, scowl. "Don't do what? Laugh?"
First, he looked confused, his smile falling a bit as he tried to understand. But then it clicked, and his eyes went wide with panic. "N-no, not that!"
"What is it?" Himiko let her hand rest at the base of Izu-kun's neck, curling a strand of his hair around one finger as she watched his reaction with slit-like eyes. She couldn't… well, she couldn't risk pushing too far. He had already come to accept so much, but she didn't want to gamble, not on Izu-kun. He was reliable, but not a sure bet.
… No one was, really. The others, they had all been different levels of accepting. Izuku was simply the most accepting so far.
Don't think about it. Not now. Everything's going to be okay. Izu-kun wouldn't reject her. She wouldn't have to-
Oh god, her stomach twisted at the thought. She didn't want to be alone again.
Never again.
"You…" Izu-kun paused for a moment, looking everywhere but her face as he selected just the right words, and Himiko snapped out of her bloody thoughts. She stared intently at him, her entire body so tense that there might as well have been electricity running through it. "You keep hiding your smile. It's very pretty, and, uh… I like it."
… Her smile?
For a few moments, the air was tense. Izu-kun shifted nervously under her, afraid of her reaction, and-
Himiko burst out laughing, a high and lopsided sound.
"H-Himiko?" The boy just stared at her, his cracked voice warning of a heart attack in the making. But Himiko just smiled wider, and hugged him close.
Of everything she was expecting to hear, that wasn't it! But, should she expect anything less from her Izu-kun? He hadn't only accepted her bites, but the teeth marks on her shoulders proved he bit back! And it wasn't hard to guess what he saw in her smile.
When Himiko smiled, people usually only saw one thing: A set of sharp, elongated canines. Four fangs, perfectly placed daggers made to pierce flesh. Aunt Iku told her to hide them, to only smile with her mouth shut. Aimi teased her about it, told her that they weren't cute. But Izu-kun?
Izu-kun thought they were pretty.
"I'll make sure not to, just for you!"
There were a few moments of silence, but Himiko didn't mind. It wasn't tense, at least, not for her. Izu-kun leaned against the arm of the sofa, and the blonde snuggled into the nape of his neck, completely at ease in his arms. She had barely been awake for twenty minutes, and she already felt better than she did most days, as though the warm rays of the summer sun were spending the winter in her heart.
It was a funny feeling. Almost as though the whole thing was fake, some mirage that had yet to wear off. Was this what love always felt like? She licked her lips, a question lingering on her tongue. "... Did you like the kiss?"
"Huh?" Izu-kun practically jumped at the question, and Himiko didn't need to look to know the boy was blushing. He fumbled with his words, before finally forcing the syllables out of his mouth. "Yeah, and, uh… Can we… can we do it again?"
Himiko chuckled, cupping his cheek in one hand. He was such a child, and she loved it. But, judging by the heat that stung her cheeks, she was one too. Her heart was tight with excitement, and she couldn't wipe the stupid smile off her face if she tried. "Sure!"
Leaning down, she kissed him again, and he kissed back. But this one… it was nothing like the one before. It was… soft. Careful. Where the other had animalistic desire, this one had loving tenderness. Where the other had recklessness, this one had hesitance. The first one was them diving headfirst into the abyss, just like last night; this one was them learning how to swim. Himiko held her companion's face, and Izu-kun's hands wandered up and down her back, wholly uncertain of where they were supposed to be. They broke apart briefly, and then pressed their lips together again, slightly more comfortable with the process than before. But…
But something was lacking.
… They had done it just like the movies, right? Himiko couldn't think of anything that they did wrong. And it was hard to put her finger on exactly what was different from last night. It was… less genuine. If she had to put a word on it, that was it. As though they were simply going through motions, rather than expressing what they felt.
The two broke apart, both with nervous smiles on their faces. Like they enjoyed it, but had nothing to say. And, well… she didn't, really. She had enjoyed last night far more; the feeling of his flesh, the taste of his blood. But she was an odd one, and had been her entire life. So maybe Izu-kun preferred it this wa-
"... Is it weird that I like the biting more?"
Himiko snapped out of her thoughts, suddenly realizing that she was staring. A nervous smile stretched across Izu-kun's face as he scratched the back of his head, so completely unsure he was allowed to say what he was saying, while Himiko smiled back in the exact same way.
Himiko snorted, and shrugged. "I do too. But I thought we should give kissing a try. It looks super cute in the movies!"
"Yeah, but honestly… I like our way better." Izu-kun chuckled, the air tense enough to cut.
In that moment, neither spoke a word, but Himiko could tell an agreement was struck: good morning kisses should aim for the neck.
"S-so…" Izu-kun coughed, trying to find the words without sounding awkward. He was failing, and Himiko couldn't blame him. "We're dating?"
"Mm-hm!" She nodded, trying her best to sound enthusiastic. But it sounded tinny and hollow in the tense air.
Izu-kun bit his lip. "What do we do now?"
That… was a good question. She placed a finger on her chin, letting her yellow eyes wander. What were they supposed to do now? What was a couple supposed to do at a time like this?
… No, better question, what would they do at a time like this? Her eyes flashed over, catching sight of the wall clock. 6:02.
A smile crept onto her face, and she looked down at her green-haired companion. The answer was simple, now that she thought about it. "... Breakfast?"
Izu-kun stared for a moment, confused, but then it clicked in his mind. "I guess, yeah."
Just because they were dating, it didn't mean things had to be complicated. And Himiko preferred it that way.
)ooOoo(
The morning passed quickly, from breakfast to their morning chores to their jog. And Himiko didn't mind one bit.
The omelets had tasted just as good as normal, filled with the melty cheese that Himiko had so come to love since moving in. The banter between the two teens was relaxed and casual, as though nothing had changed at all. The dishes were just as easy to wash, and Izu-kun still refused to let her transform into him, as though something like 'Himiko having her own exercise clothes now' was a reason for her not to.
If anything, the largest change was the fact that the two had beaten their record run time.
"Fifteen minutes! A five minute kilometer!" Himiko flung open the door to the apartment, announcing their new record for all to hear. Barreling through the doorway, she threw her hands up in victory, adrenaline and dopamine making her smile all the wider.
"Fifteen minutes and twelve seconds, really. But, with that, we're only twelve seconds from hitting our speed goal, meaning we could up our distance once again." Izu-kun trailed close behind her, an exhausted but satisfied smile on his freckled face. He peeled off his red scarf, hanging it in the entrance as he began to count off some unknown thing in one hand. "Hopefully we can run 3.5 kilometers in fifteen minutes by the time of the exam. That would give me an average speed of fourteen kilometers an hour over long distances, so long as I don't do anything to blow out my energy. It's not anything compared to a speed quirk, but it should give me enough stamina to maintain my agility and maneuverability for a long enough time to pass the physical test. The main goal over these next few weeks, then, has to be working on my hand to hand precision, as well as cutting out any excess movements that would just drain energy. So, good exercises would be…"
Himiko chuckled, shaking her head as she listened to her companion mutter. It was fascinating, how he could simply conjure all of that up at the drop of a hat. She had no idea how he fit it all behind those emerald eyes. And, even though they had practically hit the goal he had been working at for almost ten months, a five minute kilometer, his first thought was how he could improve more. If anyone deserved to be a hero, it was him.
In some ways, it made her feel even worse.
Despite the dull ache in her heart, Himiko refused to let her smile budge. She grinned cheerfully as she listened to Izu-kun, taking her time to peel off her peach-pink scarf and plum-purple track jacket.
She should be happy for him. She knew she should be. He was on course not only to hit all of his targets, but even surpass them in this last month. He had grown so much, going from timid and weak in battle to an opponent she had to take seriously. He had almost won on several occasions, never pinning her but often coming close. He was a terrifying opponent in some ways, because while Himiko fought with her body, he fought with his mind. He could predict her movements, lay traps, and hit pressure points with such consistency he might as well be guaranteed to hit most times. He had even taken up throwing knives, even if he was only just starting to learn. In all honesty, she would be more surprised if he didn't get into U.A.
And, deep down, she hated that.
She hated that she hated it, but she still did.
He could be more, so much more. She knew he wanted to be a hero, and had no doubt he could do good as one, but he could help even more by… well, she didn't know, but something else. It was like trying to use paper to make a boat; Izu-kun was such a clever and hardworking person, she believed wholeheartedly that he could. But what if, instead, he chose to write on that paper? Use it for what it was meant for, rather than try and jam it into a job that it was never meant to fill?
Izu-kun wasn't meant to be a hero. No, that wasn't right. It's that the heroes didn't deserve Izu-kun. They deserved to be removed entirely, the entire system taken apart piece by piece, so that they couldn't hurt anyone else. But... but it was what Izu-kun wanted to become. He believed in them so wholeheartedly, so idyllically, it was almost beautiful. Like a young child watching soldiers march to war, dreaming of fighting for his nation without even the slightest understanding of what war really brought.
She loved that light in his eyes, the way it shone with such enthusiasm and purity whenever he made even the smallest of victories. But she was afraid, when he really did become a hero, when he was exposed to those realities, that light would disappear.
… Don't think about that.
Don't let the smile slip.
Everything will be okay. Izuku was going to fix the hero system. He promised it. And, whether he became a hero or not, he was going to.
It was okay.
Slipping her hands into his, Himiko rocked back and forth playfully as an excited smile spread across her lips. "Come on, let's go get ready! I don't wanna be late on my first day!'
"Huh?" Izu-kun glanced towards her, his train of thought still barreling towards a harsher training regimine. But then the gears in his head clicked into place, and he gasped in sudden understanding. "Oh, it is! I forgot about that! Which class are you in?"
"Hm…" Himiko giggled at the boy's loud reaction, leading her boyfriend as she took a few steps back. It wasn't the same class as Izu-kun, but she wasn't sure exactly which. Four? Five? It was one of the ones in the science track. "I don't remember..."
Out of the corner of her eye, Himiko caught sight of a certain green-haired woman in the dining room, quietly picking at her food. At the sight, Himiko grinned, spinning around to face her. "Hey Mrs. Midoriya! Do you remember what class I'm in?"
At the sound of the girl's voice, Mrs. Midoriya glanced up. But when she looked at Himiko, there wasn't a smile on her face. With deliberate movements, she balanced her chopsticks across her bowl, and folded her hands across her lap.
Himiko's stomach dropped.
"Toga, Izuku, sit down." She spoke firmly, almost harshly, with steel in her eyes. Her face, a soft and round thing that tended to wear a worried smile, instead had a stern scowl as she looked between the two children.
Whatever smile had been lingering on Himiko's face evaporated into thin air, replaced by an uncertain scowl. The girl slowly moved to sit across from her adoptive mother, her eyes rushing to absorb any possible detail she had missed. Mrs. Midoriya was never like this. Not once since she had moved in had Himiko seen that expression, and… Why? Nothing in the room looked out of the ordinary. Had she broken something? Had they forgotten to do something? She rested her chin in her hands, careful to hide her concern behind a layer of relaxed confusion as she glanced between Mrs. Midoriya and her boyfriend.
Izu-kun, on the other hand, quickly rushed to sit beside her, his eyes darting back and forth but refusing to look at anyone. His back was as straight as a board, and his hands firmly in his lap, as though he was afraid his head was about to be torn off for having bad manners.
Izu-kun was a nervous boy, Himiko knew it. But seeing him act like this only encouraged the knots forming in her stomach. She swallowed a bit of the bitter bile forming in the back of her throat, turning to face Mrs. Midori-
Wait.
Waitwaitwait.
The bites.
What was nervousness imploded, all of that uneasy energy concentrating into gut-wrenching panic.
Their necks in shoulders were absolutely covered in dozens bite marks, some of which had even formed scabs! And, while Himiko didn't remember everything clearly, she definitely remembered letting out a few screams las-!
"Last night." Mrs. Midoriya spoke clearly and with authority, her eyes traveling between the blonde and her son before finally settling on the green-haired boy in front of her. "Izuku, what happened last night?"
"Oh, uh..! I, uh, well-" Izu-kun sputtered, struggling to piece together a sentence as he shuffled in his seat. "... I… I just helped calm Himiko down…"
Nononono! She can see his neck! It's completely uncovered, and-... Oh god, it looked like she had attacked him! Brown scabs and purple bruises, just like…
Just like with Aimi. Images flashed through her mind, of Aimi crying, of Mrs. Igarashi screaming. Himiko's breath caught in her throat, a tight chain squeezing the air out of her chest as she silently stared at him, hoping the panic in her eyes could convey her message.
Izu-kun liked it.
He said so.
But Izu-kun wasn't in charge.
And if Mrs. Midoriya called the police-
Himiko could feel the weight of her knife in her pocket. She didn't want to. Oh god, she didn't want to. But there was ice in her soul and steel in her eyes.
She was a monster.
She had spilled blood.
And she would do it again.
"Izuku, please don't lie to me! I know you care about her, but please don't lie!" Mrs. Midoriya clenched her teeth, pain and fear peeking out from behind her stern mask. "The two of you were screaming last night! And you necks are covered in-"
"I bit him." Himiko spoke without thinking, talking over Mrs. Midoriya. The older woman's green eyes shot towards Himiko, and the girl flinched, realizing the words came out of her mouth. "It's… It's my fault."
It was. It was her fault. She had been the one to bite first. She had been the one to pretend it was acceptable. But it wasn't. There wasn't even a chance. Everyone had always told her it wasn't, but last night, she had let herself forget for just a little bit.
And now, here the two of them were, in trouble.
She looked down, her eyes starting to sting.
Izu-kun glanced over at her, his eyes filled with concern, before turning to his mom. "But I didn't tell her to stop, so-!"
Mrs. Midoriya delivered a silent glare, cutting off her son. There was a moment of stiff silence, before Mrs. Midoriya finally turned back to Himiko.
"Why did you do it?"
… That was a big question. 'Because it felt good' was the only answer she had. But it wasn't good enough, it never was. Because she was a freak, because normal people didn't do it. So, they'd ask, 'why did it feel good?' And, she couldn't answer that. She didn't know how. She shrunk away from the woman, gnawing on her thumbnail.
Why does a kiss feel good? Why do people enjoy hugging? Why do people like those things? Because of dopamine. Because their bodies told them it was good. But was she just supposed to say that? 'I like drinking blood because then my brain gets filled with chemicals.' She had to say something else. Say something better. But there wasn't anything, nothing that would make her seem 'normal.'
... But Izu-kun had understood her. She had never explained it, but he knew. He felt the same way, despite being… well, Izuku. Of all of the people she expected to bite back, she never would've guessed it was going to be the twitchy, soft-spoken Mr. Mossy. She had trusted him, and that trust had paid off. So… maybe Mrs. Midoriya would understand too?
"I… It just felt right." Himiko spoke softly, trying her best to articulate exactly what she felt. She was doing neurosurgery with her tongue. "It feels good to bite people. It's like… like I'm showing them I care. Tasting blood, it feels like I'm tasting their soul. Does... that make sense to you?" She glanced up, her autumn-yellow eyes filled with hope and fear. One hand clenched and the other fumbling with her bangs, Himiko's heart was being squeezed by an iron gauntlet.
Mrs. Midoriya's gaze was no kinder than it was before. But, looking into the girl's eyes, it began to soften. Just a little, ice thawing to slush. Finally, she sighed weakly, and reached across the table, gently lifting himiko's chin. "... Show me your neck."
"Hm?" Himiko furrowed her eyebrows, but complied, letting her adoptive mother inspect the various bite marks across her neck.
The woman licked her lips, squinting in pain as she looked over the wounds. But after a moment, she nodded to herself, and glanced over at her son. "Did you do this?"
Izuku coughed nervously, and nodded uncomfortably. "Y-... Yeah."
"Did both of you clean and treat it?"
Izu-kun nodded far too quickly, as though he desperately needed to grasp onto anything he knew he had done correctly. "Yes! I made sure to clean each-" He hesitated, and Himiko knew exactly why. Saying it out loud was probably weird for him, just like it was for everyone else. "Each bite with warm water and disinfect them with antibiotics. None of them bled much, though, so bandaids weren't needed!"
Mrs. Midoriya scowled, carefully looking between them. Tension filled the air like threads of razor wire, and Himiko was acutely aware of the beating of her heart, a heavy thud that filled the fearful silence in her mind. Eventually, though, the woman just sighed, shaking her head. "I heard everything last night. Maybe not every word, but… enough."
Himiko bit her lip, and she could see Izu-kun in the corner of her eye, a wound up spring about to snap.
"Toga, what you were doing wasn't safe." Her tone was firm, but not cold or harsh.
Himiko tried to swallow her shame, but it was a pointless task, like trying to drink the ocean dry. "... I know."
"And Izuku, the same for you. I…" Mrs. Midoriya turned to her son, pausing to consider her words. "I know what it's like to be young, and in a relationship for the first time. You're experiencing new sensations and desires, and Toga, with a quirk like yours, trying to understand it can be even more confusing. But..."
Himiko could see it in her eyes. Once she learned to see it, it was easy to spot. She was unsure of what to say, as though she was attempting to diffuse a bomb. And Himiko was that bomb.
She had been to Aunt Iku.
To Mrs. Igarashi.
To Dr. Teshima.
And now… Now, to Mrs. Midoriya.
Himiko's heart hurt.
Finally, Mrs. Midoriya continued, more concern in her voice than anything else. "But you need to be aware of what's healthy and safe behavior, both of you. So, some lines have to be drawn. This isn't allowed. Things like this, it's simply safe. Blood can carry diseases, and not to mention, is an important fluid. What would happen if you pierced one of his arteries? Izuku could die."
Himiko nodded, slowly and solemnly. She knew. She had done it before, in a back alley in Nagoya.
There were a few moments of brief silence, as thought the woman was expecting Himiko to respond, to fight back. But she had nothing to say, nothing she could deny. Mrs. Midoriya took a deep breath, steeling herself, before speaking. "Toga, I care about you. I really do. You feel just as much as part of my home as Izuku. But If you're going to become a danger to my household, I have no choice but to return you to the authorities. Regardless of your home situation, I have to protect my family."
A punch in the gut.
That's what it was.
Not because the woman said that she had to protect her family. But because she said that Himiko wasn't part of it.
Of course she wasn't. Just because she lived with them didn't mean that they were. She lived with Aimi; that didn't mean they were family. Aimi most certainly hadn't thought so. Himiko… well, Himiko had just been naive. Too happy to see that she hadn't been truly accepted.
Izu-kun had accepted her. But Mrs. Midoriya hadn't. And she wouldn't.
An overbearing silence filled the room. Izu-knu stared at the table. Mrs. Midoriya stared at Himiko. And Himiko just stared at the ground, unable to force herself to look at anything else.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't force a smile. Not at this.
"... Toga, do you want to go to therapy?"
Izu-kun's head shot up. "Wha-? Mom, you can't-!"
"Izuku, this is a question for Toga. Let her answer it." Mrs. Midoriya spoke simply, stating fact.
Therapy?
… That's what they always tried, wasn't it? As soon as they find out, they conclude she's just a broken little girl that needs to talk it out. Pop a few meds, force a smile, and it would all be okay.
Dr. Teshima. Dr. Nisechiryo. Dr. Daruma. All of them had tried it, slapped fancy words on it. Psychoanalysis, psychodynamic therapy, behavioural therapy, different words, different treatments, same results.
All that was left over was a twisted little girl, an ugly little monster obsessed with blood.
She hated it. She hated it so much. She would give anything to be normal, to be 'okay.' But, to go see a psychologist again...
Bronze goggles with green lenses. Wires and tubes. Electricity burning her skin, and drugs fogging her mind. And, above it all, a pudgy man with a bushy mustache, jotting down notes on a clipboard.
No.
There was no way she was going back.
Not to a psychologist.
Not to a doctor.
Not to any hospital, or clinic, or anything!
… She'd somehow fix herself. Somehow. She and Izu-kun would find a way.
She clenched her fists, trying to ignore how much her hands shook. "N-no. I… I don't."
Mrs. Midoriya sighed, but nodded. "Then… I won't send you. But I expect you to follow this house's rules." The woman tried to smile, but it was stretched far too thin, as thin and fake as saran wrap. "Now how about the two of you go get ready? You two need to get to school soon."
"... Uh-huh." Himiko spoke softly, pushing herself up from the table.
Izu-kun accepted her. And that made her happy.
But that was what had made Izu-kun special.
No one else would.
Himiko had been stupid to forget.
)ooOoo(
Attending a new school was nothing new for Himiko. Actually, it had been a pretty regular occurrence for her, at least when she was in foster care. A new foster home, a new school, a new set of people to scare. A vicious cycle, one that always left her alone and ready to move to the next place.
A cycle she was going to break today.
"Do you have all of your books?"
"Uh-huh!"
"Pencil bag?"
"Right here!"
"Lunch?"
"... Oops."
"You don't have your-?!"
"Just kidding, right here!"
"Oh All Might, you gave me a heart attack…"
Himiko gave a fluttery giggle, and ruffled Izu-kun's hair. "Thanks for worrying, but I got all my stuff! I'm a-okay for today!"
Izu-kun smiled back weakly, fumbling with their books as they got off the bus. "That's good, but… can you try and not scare me anymore?"
"Aw, but that's the fun part! How else am I supposed to enjoy myself?" She smiled like a wolf, joining him and dozens of other students on the path to the school. And, just as she always did, she began to dance and twirl around her companion, watching Izu-kun with cat-like eyes as they walked.
"Okay…" Izu-kun sighed, giving in and falling into step with her. He would step to the left or right as she slipped passed, shifting his weight back and forth not unlike how a planet moved to accommodate its moon. He quickly checked to make sure he had all of his things, as though Himiko hadn't seen him do it half a dozen times already, before giving a weary smile. "Let's just make sure today goes well."
"Mm-hm!" Himiko nodded enthusiastically, twirling her bag in one hand as she spun on her heel. More than anything, she wanted today to go well. And… well, even if this morning hadn't been wonderful, she felt things were looking up.
She has to start things off with a smile. That's what Mama had always said, and Himiko agreed. If you go into something expecting it to go poorly, of course it would; Mama had always said that was Papa's biggest problem. He was a kind person, but not an optimistic one. 'The sort of person you want planning for your retirement, but not the one you want entertaining kids,' Mama would say, though Himiko wouldn't agree on that. Papa did a pretty good job with her, after all.
A sweet smile played at Himiko's lips, her mind sifting through memories of her parents as she made her way through the crowd of students. The sky was gray and overcast, with pale snow fluttering down to the ground like white down feathers. The air was chilly, just enough to turn her nose pink, and she wrapped her peach scarf around her tighter. The trees were barren and black, sharp and crisp against the light sky.
She liked it. She knew it wasn't really pretty, and maybe even dreary to most people, but she liked it. When she had lived in Kobe, the weather had never been like this; winters there were warm and wet, with heavy rain and lots of mud. So, Musutafu's black-and-white winter was pretty in its own way, like old pictures in an art gallery. Himiko couldn't help but look around, her eyes prying open every nook and cranny to drink up all of the details.
But no one else really found it interesting. Even to Izu-kun, all of this was just… normal. There was no secret beauty to be found in the details of the place you grew up.
… What hidden art had she been blind to in Kobe? Would she ever know?
Finally, the two of them reached the school. They slipped through the gate, and past the courtyard, quickly entering the school building. As she slipped off her shoes and replaced them with her school ones, a sudden thought came to her mind.
"I've never actually been inside the school. I've only ever been outside."
Izu-kun paused, and picked up his bookbag. "... Huh, you're right. Do you want me to help you find your classroom?"
Want? She snickered, and smiled at him. Of course she did. She wanted to spend the whole day with him. But they had classes to get to, and Himiko was looking forward to that too. "No, thanks though! And, real quick-" She shot forward, giving his ear a soft nibble before stumbling backwards. "-See you at lunch!"
For a few brief moments, she could see his brain trying to process what she had just done. And then it sparked behind his eyes, and his cheeks bloomed red from something other that the winter air. He opened his mouth, closed it, considered his words, and then nervously opened it again. "I-... I love you."
Himiko giggled, a warm and familiar sound, and held her hand behind her back as she slipped down the hall. "I love you too, Mr. Mossy."
With that, she turned on her heel, and collected her thoughts as her cheeks flushed red.
Himiko squeezed her school bag straps, steel in her eyes and a determined smile on her face. Deep breaths, deep breaths. Today was going to be a good day, she knew it. She'd make sure of it.
It didn't take her long to reach her classroom, thanks to the help of a middle-aged teacher with long blond hair. Up a few flights of stairs, past the library, and across from the chemistry lab. It was easy to find; unfortunately, it was also on the opposite side of the school from Izu-kun. But, since they were in different tracks, it was just how it worked.
She pushed the thoughts away and put on her widest smile. Optimism, remember! A good day starts with a good mindset. Pushing open the door to the classroom and poking her head in curiously, Himiko glanced around to see who was there. "Hello?"
The room was mostly empty, with only a few students sitting or talking. But, at the sound of Himiko's voice, one girl looked up and smiled, recognition sparking in her amber eyes. "Oh, you must be Toga Himiko!"
She nodded, and stepped into the room with a friendly smile. "Uh-huh! Great to meet ya!"
"Good to meet you too!" The girl pushed herself up from her desk and crossed the room, extending a hand out to Himiko. "I'm Oshihiki Etsuko, one of the student representatives. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!"
"Thanks!" Himiko gave her classmate's hand an energetic shake, and took a moment to look around. Two dozen wooden desks, a large blackboard at the front. A scattering of students, and a shelf in the back full of textbooks. Aside from a poster with the table of elements on one wall, there was practically nothing distinctive about the room. It was perfectly normal.
Himiko liked it.
The blonde cracked a wide grin, and turned to her amber-eyed friend. "So, where do I sit?"
"Oh, I should've told you that! Right over there, in the second seat from the front." Etsuko chuckled, an embarrassed smile on her face as she tugged at the end of her ponytail. She jerked her head towards one of the seats near the front, near the other door. But then, the girl tossed around a quick glance, before giving a knowing smile and leaning in close. "Good for you, too; you get to sit next to one of your cutest classmates!"
"Oh, really?" Himiko leaned in too, two secret agents exchanging vital information. "Who sits there?"
There were a few moments of silence, the air between the girls tense as the wires of a piano. Himiko felt her face burning, wanting to break into a huge, humorous grin, but she forced her lips into a thin slit. Serious. Coy, and serious. Keep it together, keep it-!
Etsuko pointed at herself, her face marred with a deep scowl. "Me."
She couldn't do it. Himiko burst into laughter, and Etsuko joined in, laughing at the absurdity.
Himiko threw her arms around her new friend, a huge, toothy grin on her face, as she tried to contain her laughter. "I like you! Be careful, if you're too cute, I might bite!"
"Hey, hey! No biting allowed!" Etsuko giggled, returning the girl's hug before pushing away and crossing her arms. The two arms melded together, forming a red, cartoony 'X.' "... Though, you wouldn't be the first that wants to. Boys can try their hardest, but I won't let them! I'm saving for marriage!"
The moment Himiko saw Etsuko's arms morph, her train of thought ground to a halt.
Himiko couldn't believe it.
She had just-
"You can shapeshift too?"
"Huh?" Etsuko cocked her head, letting her arms return to normal. But then she caught up to the change in topic, and her friendly smile returned. "Oh, yeah! It's exhausting, but it makes for a neat little party trick."
Himiko's smile only grew wider. "That's super cute! Like, I've met one or two shapeshifters before, but you're the first one who's the same age as me!" Etsuko was just like her! How did she shapeshift? Was it an extra layer of material, just like Himiko, or was it a different method? Himiko's used a mix of melanophoric and erythrophoric chromatophore cells, like most shapshifters, but unlike most others, her body produced a semi-solid gel instead of having integrated spinaphoric cells. Etsuko at least seemed to use chromatophore cells, but Himiko would have to experiment to determine anything else. Maybe they could work together!
Etsuko gave an amused chuckle, twirling her ponytail around her finger. "We are pretty rare, but I think that just makes us cooler! Do you have a shapeshifter quirk too?"
"Yeah! I-" Himiko froze, the words halfway out her mouth. She had one, but… certainly not a normal one.
Etsuko cocked her head and smiled expectantly, waiting for her to continue.
Should she tell her? She seemed friendly enough, but… Himiko remembered when Aimi had first found out, her mouth curling into a sneer of disgust. Himiko swallowed, her smile slipping off her face. She didn't want to scare the girl off, but…
Every time, it was the same. She wouldn't tell anyone until it was too late. No one would know about her quirk until their blood was slipping down her throat. A twisted cycle of fear and tears, one that always ended with her alone.
Himiko was going to break that cycle, she promised herself that much. And maybe that meant changing the first step. Maybe it meant trusting people to know.
For some reason, she couldn't help but think of Izu-kun, his soft smile and kind green eyes.
'If I didn't trust you enough to tell you about myself, I didn't have the right to be upset when you didn't trust me.'
She forced a just-slightly-too-wide smile, not quite able to look Etsuko in the eye as she spoke. "It requires just a bit of someone's blood to do. And then I can transform into them!"
… Was that enough? Was she supposed to mention how she liked blood too? No, that would almost definitely scare her. But what else was she supposed to say? She watched the black haired girl, a nervous light in the blonde's eyes.
"Hm..." Etsuko brought a finder to her chin, an inquisitive frown on her face as she took a seat at her desk. Himiko nervously joined her, careful not to let her smile slip as she sat down in her own chair, but the thudding of her heart did absolutely nothing to help. Finally, the amber-eyed girl cracked a curious smile, and rested her chin in her palms. "That's actually pretty neat! Is it something you have to consciously focus on?"
Himiko stared at the girl, dumbfounded.
It was okay.
It was just… fine.
Etsuko hadn't freaked out, hadn't curled her lip or looked at her funny.
She had just accepted it.
Himiko couldn't wipe the stupid smile off her face even if she wanted to.
The blonde coughed, interrupting her own thoughts as she gave a small shrug. "A little. I can choose to transform, even if I've already drank some blood, but maintaining that form doesn't really require that much focus."
"Tch!" Etsuko clicked her tongue, smiling in a dry way that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm jealous. My ability works completely off of my memory, so if I'm not focusing on my transformation, it just turns back or gets really messed up." She held her hand up as an example, her fingers morphing into various almost-pens, as though it were a picture through a fuzzy lens.
… Off of memory?
If anything, Himiko was the one that was jealous. She could barely imagine it, being able to control it so easily. If Himiko wanted to shapeshift, there was a pound of flesh to pay. But for Etsuko, she just… did.
It was that simple.
No blood, no shame, no score.
Just a normal quirk.
… It hurt to think about. About what Etsuko had, what Himiko didn't. It shouldn't hurt, but it did. Her heart felt like a recently healed muscle, whole for the first time in so long, but still sore and tender to the touch.
She smiled past her pain, ignoring how it tore at her soul. "So, do you not do it a lot?"
"No, I do it pretty normally, it's just really tiring to try and maintain it for a long time." Etsuko continued to fiddled with her had, casually letting it shift between forms. Her eyes lingered over the flowing shapes, before she let out an exasperated sigh and shifted her gaze over to Himiko. "Oh, and trying to transform my whole body! Focusing on so much at once is super hard."
Etsuko shook her head, taking a deep breath to clear her head. But she bit her lip, and continued to focus on her hand, the pens-fingers becoming more and more detailed the harder she focused.
Etsuko's problems seemed so simple. Not because they were easy, but because they were something she could correct. It just took practice, right? In a few years, she should be able to use her quirk with ease, without any of the issues plaguing her now.
That was good.
Yeah...
… Good.
But there was still a pain in her chest, something clutching tightly at her heart. A cold and empty feeling, like an arctic ocean.
Himiko couldn't help but laugh.
Etsuko jumped at the sound, all of her hard work disappearing in a brief instant. She glanced over at Himiko, a friendly and curious light in her warm eyes. "What's so funny?"
What was so funny? Nothing, really. But Himiko plastered that smile on her face again, drank down that syrup. "Nothing! I'm just happy to meet another shapeshifter!"
"Me too!" Estuko smirked, and gave an approving thumbs-up. "But, do you do it often? You said you needed blood to do it."
"Ah-" Himiko opened her mouth, but paused. Often? No, not really. But, drink blood..? She reached up, rubbing her sore shoulders and neck. "Well, not often. Don't wanna hurt anyone!"
Etsuko nodded in understanding. "Yeah, that makes sense. Your quirks sounds like it could be dangerous. Then again, I can't really imagine it's a pleasant quirk to use in the first place, having to drink blood and all."
Himiko's smile stretched, becoming tighter rather than wider. Everyone thought that. And when they found out that she didn't mind, they called her a freak. But… Well, give it time.
Himiko needed to trust her. And, even if that didn't mean telling her immediately, it meant trusting her to understand eventually.
Things would get better. Himiko just had to believe they would.
Suddenly, Etsuko looked towards the front. "Oh, here's the teacher!"
Himiko looked up too, just to see a tall woman in a button down and slacks enter the room. Etsuko flashed a smile, and Himiko returned it, silently knowing it was time to focus.
School.
Class.
… That was an odd feeling. It had felt like an eternity since the last time she had it. Even her clothing felt off, wearing a school uniform for the first time in ages. Himiko reached up, pulling off her jacket and shoving her scarf into her desk.
Etsuko glanced over, catching sight of her neck before giving the girl a concerned look. "Hey, what's that on your-..."
"Hm?" Himiko turned to her new friend, raising a questioning eyebrow.
Etsuko paused, but then forced a smile. "No, it's nothing."
… Okay then.
Himiko shrugged, turning back to the front.
Here she was, at school number nine.
The only one she'd ever attend with Izu-kun.
A/N: *a pile of cardboard boxes shuffles*
*Shuffles*
*A hand pops out, dragging a body with it*
I'M ALIVE!
Ok, first and foremost, I'm super sorry for being this late! These past few weeks have been hectic, and the next few are going to be as well. I'll try to update when I can, but for the next few weeks, I can't make any guarantees. (sadly)
Regardless, here's this chapter! Hope ya enjoyed!
With only the worst of intentions,
Imp the Nefarious
FFN:
Alviniju: I love the speculation on themes! Now, I ain't gonna comment on what they are; theme can be interpreted differently for each and every person. But, I will say two things: first, I love your interpretation. How hero society worked, and the impact it had on non-heroes always made me think. And, second, I am writing with a theme in mind. How you understand it is up to you, but each main character does have an arch and a theme.
Arsinis: Thanks! Yeah, it is a bit kinky, I suppose. Hopefully not too much. And hopefully not too angsty; I have no subtlety nor tact, most of the time. But, This story is going to broach some sensitive topics, and not just limited to the long term effects of things like conversion therapy. Of course, while these are important topics to me, I can't claim to have experienced many of them (thank the lord), so definitely point it out if I'm being insensitive, mishandling it, or am just flat out wrong on a factual basis. I want to make a good story, and one that makes ya think about the world.
Lord Asmodeus: I'm sorry, I'm still new to this! Would PM's be better for everyone? And who prefers the current system? I'll use whichever one is more preferred. There's also my discord, which you can find in my profile page.
Malsyn: Yeah, I wasn't expecting it either! When I started writing this first arc, I was thinking "man, this is gonna be the most boring arc... like, emotionally important, but nothing's happening. Better burn through this fast!" Skip forward a few weeks, and… well, now we're here. When I started planning this, I never imagined it would be this long, but I kinda just went with it.