Disclaimer: Anything recognizable belongs to Janet Evanovich, and the rest is mine. I'm grateful she lets us play.
Warning: Dark fic. Adult language, adult content, violence, smut. This is written for mature audiences only.
Chapter 21
Stephanie's POV
My sleep is chaotically vivid. It's the same, but everything is different. My usual Farro haunting is changing as the narrative is overlaid with Tank's voicemail. I'm floating above it all, watching the scene unfold again, but this time goosebumps spread across my skin as Tank's voice whispers in my ears.
"It turns me on," he breathes, pushing closer so I can feel how turned on he is against me. "Little Girl…"
I awake with a muffled scream, sitting up suddenly and blinking rapidly to adjust my eyes to the darkened room. I automatically reach for the .38 I keep near my pillow, and my panic increases as my fingers grab only air.
"Babe," I hear, and I automatically still, my eyes locking onto Ranger's concerned but reassuring expression. "You're safe."
Safe, I think. I'm safe. Maybe.
I sit rigidly, refusing to fall apart again. I'm not really safe, but I have Ranger, and he has me. It's about as safe as I can get.
Ranger gently places a hand on the outside of either shoulder and the warm strength of his grip feels as though he is pushing the glue I need to hold myself together throughout my body. "Breathe, Babe," Ranger says quietly, his eyes locked on my huge and unblinking ones.
I force myself to become more animated, and I take several long, shaky breaths. It isn't until Ranger places a blanket around my shoulders that I realize I'm trembling.
And then I don't know what to do. If I were at home, I'd have a shot of tequila and likely give up on sleeping for the rest of the night. I've never woken from a nightmare and had someone simply be there for me. Ranger isn't peppering me with questions or demanding answers from me to fix it. He's just here.
Could this be what real love is?
In the stillness rendered by the passing storm my subconscious generates nightly, my usual disquiet is being displaced by a faint fresh faith in the hope of a deepening, maturing love between Ranger and me. Perhaps it's a love that's always been there, but it never had a chance to flourish. That's what I want to believe, and my heart clenches at the thought of what could happen to it if I'm wrong. Again.
I'm not really safe, I'm only beginning to be okay, but looking into Ranger's endless eyes, I'm clinging to the tenuous notion that I am loved. Ranger places his hands over my joined ones, and I twist my fingers so that I am gripping his tightly, nodding my head yes as I do to silently accept that I'm safe enough.
In timeless seconds, our bodies synch together in breath and posture, and my trembling stills as the goosebumps that followed me from sleep to wakefulness hide under smooth flesh again. I move first, leaning forward so that my forehead rests just under Ranger's chin. I sigh as his smell overtakes my senses, and I relax further against him as he wraps those wonderfully secure arms around my body.
"Babe," Ranger sighs, his own posture relaxing. "I love you," and it was exactly what I needed to hear and everything I can't say in return.
I pull back suddenly and scoot back so that I am more sitting than laying, pulling the blanket tightly around me. As I look around, I feel acutely aware of the distinct lack of privacy I have right now, and how very dependent I am on everyone around me. I'm rewriting my history, and I'm doing it on a public stage. Saturday can't come soon enough. But then, where will I go?
I draw my uninjured knee up under my chin, avoiding Ranger's gaze. When I've been in danger, or, if I'm honest with myself, had excess lust and longing, I've used Ranger's penthouse on seven as my haven. I can't do that this time. I won't do it under these circumstances. My heart simply isn't ready to risk it. I have to be strong enough in myself first to be able to survive any potential negative fallout.
Ranger rests his hand on my foot and gives it a tender squeeze. I sigh and shift my line of sight to match his. "I will give up my current apartment," I start heavily, and Ranger cocks his head slightly to the side as I catch him off-guard by the abrupt change in topic. "I understand it isn't as invisible as I wanted it to be, and there's a very good chance Tank will find it given that Hector, Lester, and you have. Further, Hector showed me the photos of the mold, and I value my health more than my space," I say affirmatively as Ranger patiently listens to everything. "Ella came by earlier and offered me an apartment on four," I continue, pausing as the next words get stuck in my throat. Swallowing hard, I quietly spit out, "I'll take it," before breaking eye contact, looking down at the space of sheeting between us.
"You're welcome on seven, Babe. I converted my office to a place for Julie to stay when she visits. It can be yours if that makes things easier," Ranger counters.
"It won't," I say in a near whisper. "I can't. I'm not ready to go from where I was at on Monday to living with you on Saturday. It's too much change too fast."
Ranger reaches over and gently places a hand under my chin to redirect my gaze. I purse my lips into a thin line as I take in his serious expression. "I'm not pressuring you. Your home is your choice, and I'm happy you've decided to live here. I agree that we need to take things slowly between us to give our relationship a solid foundation. I only want to offer you everything at my disposal to help you heal, knowing that as you do, we will grow," Ranger says, giving more than I expected.
"Thank you," I respond with a small measure of relief. "I agree to live here, but I have some conditions. Firstly, if I'm living in this building, I can't feel like I'm Rangeman property. No one hides a tracker anywhere on my vehicle, property, or possessions without my knowledge. You must have my explicit consent, and even then, I want to know what level of tracking we are talking about. Secondly, I want a fob with the ability to scramble the cameras. I won't abuse it, but I want to be able to move about the building with some degree of anonymity at my discretion. Thirdly, I want to be charged the same as any other person living in a Rangeman apartment, and any upgrades or modifications done to my space will be extended equally to anyone else living in the building. I know Ella likes to indulge me. Do we agree?"
I see Ranger's eyes flash at the third condition, and I brace myself for the coming negotiation. "Yes, to the first condition, but there will be some level of tracking, even if it is only at the same level as the arrangement Hector and you currently have. However, I'd like to have access to your tracking data, and I'm willing to reciprocate the same. Yes, to the second condition. No, to the third.
"In the same way that you need independence, Babe, I need to be able to take care of you. Giving to you, whether it was cars, training, medical care, my home, anything, has always been my quiet way of saying I love you. I said the shitty things I did to you, like you being entertainment in the budget, because I was too wrapped up in myself and my commitment issues, to be honest. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. The reality is that I've loved you since you called me after Morelli handcuffed you to the shower curtain rod. If I take your money, I will feel like I've lost that part of my life. Please, Babe, let me give this to you," Ranger says, and my heart clenches at this declaration.
I look down again, trying to absorb the words I've wanted to hear for years. I want to believe Ranger, and I think I do, but… There's always been a but in my life. I love you, but. I know I need to talk to Ranger, say some of these things, but I also know the answer. He'll be reassuring, placating, and positive, and none of that will make a difference right now. I'm not ready for this conversation. Not here, not now. If I say no to Ranger's request, it will only press the issue and force the bigger issues I don't want to address yet. I have to choose the lesser of two evils.
"Agreed," I say, glancing back in Ranger's direction, and I catch a flicker of relief that crosses his expression. "Since we're making decisions, I have another request," I say determinedly, and Ranger raises his eyebrow in response.
"I would like to have access to the background reports Hector was reviewing today. I might have a different perspective, and at a minimum, it would make me feel more useful than laying here. I understand you may be concerned about how I might react to reading some of the information, but I'm going to have to process it at some point. I'd rather risk being upset than having someone I love be hurt when I could have made a connection or had an insight that would have saved them," I state emphatically.
I see a look of surprise in Ranger's eyes, and I realize it's because I'm asking and not demanding or sneaking. Score one point for maturity. "Okay, Babe," he says eventually, "but I also have a condition. I want a member of the Core Team with you while you review the reports, and if you begin to have a hard time, you stop. Period. You do need to rest and heal, and you are important."
"Agreed," I say, letting out a small sigh as I realized I'd braced myself for an argument that never came. I appreciate the easy give and take of these negotiations; the Burg-Italian way of negotiating can be exhausting and time-consuming, physical and loud.
"One more request," I say, taking a deep breath. "Try as I might, I can't shake Tank's voicemail. I'm afraid his threats aren't idle, and I think we both know he may be unstable. For my sanity, I need my family and friends to be safe. The safe houses are compromised, and I doubt they would work anyway with my family. However, I think I figured out a way around that. I have more money tucked away in my apartment. Hector can retrieve it. Rangeman can make it look like my family won an extended cruise, to include Val and her brood as well as Mary Lou's family. Eddie can be briefed, and if he wants Shirley and the kids to go with, so be it. Get them out of the Burg as soon as possible. Even if word gets back to Tank where they are, I doubt he would put in the expense and energy to get to them at sea. It will also make it easier for us to flush him out, should that need arise, if there are fewer targets."
Ranger assumes a thoughtful expression. "That's a good idea, Babe," he muses, "But you don't need to spend your money on this," he says, stopping to place his hands on mine when he sees me tense up. "Rangeman has funds set aside for operations like this. If you use your money, it's the same to me as you saying this is your fault. It's not your fault, it's Tank's, and possibly somewhat mine for not realizing who he really was when we went into business together. Regardless, Rangeman has money to protect civilians should it be called for. I can even use the Rangeman private jet to transport them to cruise ship terminal. They will embark in Miami, and I'll have several men stationed undercover aboard the cruise from that branch, just in case," Ranger continues, thinking out loud.
I know his words are meant to make me feel better, but my heart sinks. It's more that I'll owe him. I only just wiped the slate clean, and I'll already be in his debt again unless he lets me pay. Ranger senses my mood shift and goes silent, scooting slightly closer to me.
"What is bothering you, Babe?" he asks quietly, holding my fingers more tightly.
"I'm uncomfortable letting you pay," I say finally. "I don't want to be in your debt, and I'm a contract employee, not a salaried Rangeman employee. I don't deserve any of those benefits." I begin to chew my lower lip as I anxiously wait for Ranger to reply.
"Babe, there's no price for what we do for each other. None. I know that if our situations were reversed, because they were with Scrog, for example, you would do everything you could, including risking your life, to keep my family safe," he says with unexpected tenderness. "Also, you are a full-time Rangeman employee. More so, you are now a member of the Core Team of this company as is Hector. It's up to you if you want to be a silent partner or an active member. If you choose to be an active member, you'll receive a salary in addition to the annual payouts. There's no pressure. When you're ready, I'll have Pete go over the contracts in detail. I wasn't able to tell you before because of how much that has happened in the last two days."
"Woah," I say as I feel my breath go out in a whoosh as my heart begins to pound. "I'm a Core Team member? I own part of Rangeman? But I gave you that money. I mean, I never expected," I sputter, my eyebrows furrowed incredulously.
"You deserve it, Babe. You are an amazing person, and you have more talents than you realize. Rangeman is lucky to have you, not the other way around," Ranger says, giving me a blinding, thousand-watt smile.
"Wow," I say again, words utterly failing me. "I'm a Core Team member? Really? Me?"
"Really," Ranger says affirmatively, and my heart soars. I'm a Core Team member. I'm a Core Team member! I own part of Rangeman? Holy cow. I'm… no fucking way. Ranger doesn't just say he believes in me; he has put his (my?) money where his mouth is. I blink several times to process this moment with a dumb, shocked look on my face.
"Holy surprise, Batman," I mumble, my eyes wide. I feel tingly with joy that doesn't know how to manifest itself, but that joy is mixed equally with the fear of failing. I worked hard this past year to train, increase my skills, and I definitely put blood, sweat, and brains into every skip I caught and thus every dollar I earned for my apparent buy-in. I also happen to be lucky enough to have a couple of people who see me better than I see myself sometimes. As a result, I have the opportunity to be lifted up, and it's up to me to be worthy.
"Thank you," I finally say, my stunned expression highlighting the twinkle in Ranger's eyes.
"Babe," he says, never breaking his smile as he leans forward to place a lingering kiss on my forehead. "Querida, te quiero," he says, pulling me closer to him. "Siempre, always."
A/N: I offer heartfelt apologies to everyone for breaking your faith with my stated update schedule. Things unexpectedly happened at the beginning of May that prevented me from being able to write for more than a month. Nothing very negative occurred, but my time was no longer my own. I wish I could have told you ahead of time, and FanFiction rules do not allow for the posting of only author's note chapters.
I have written and Misty23y has edited through Chapter 24. Chapters 25 and 26, as well as the epilogue, are heavily outlined. However, I am preparing for a multi-country six-week vacation that will again limit my time – in all the best ways. I will have my computer with me, and I hope to be able to work through those chapters. I will post as I am able and have access to wi-fi. You WILL see the end of this story. It's too important to me not to finish.
I feel badly I was unable to stick to a regular posting schedule. I'm starting law school this fall (huge life dream of mine – yay!). I have Lift Off outlined, and I will continue to write as I find it therapeutic and relaxing. However, I intend to have that story fully or nearly fully written before I begin to post it. Please consider following me as an author for notifications.
Misty23y and Meylons – I'm grateful you've shared your time and talents with me. You have both reached out and encouraged me in my writing when I went comms silent. Thank you for being such a positive part of my writing journey.
To everyone who left me a PM or message or simply kept the faith – You guys are the best. Thank you for caring about me and this story. I feel so fortunate to write in such a warm and heartening fandom.