Anne

If I am to die… if my own plan kills me… I cannot go without talking to him. I know I should not be here… I know it's dangerous… still, I cannot back off…

She was still standing in front of the door of the hidden passage, which led to the secret part of the palace. The Queen was wearing Constance's most modest dress and a heavy hood over her head.

Her hand was touching the door handle, her heart was beating wildly. Anne took a deep breath and pushed down the handle. Nothing. The door were closed from the inside.

There was silence behind them.

How stupid am I?! It's obvious they won't reveal their presence…

Suddenly, a hand caught her throat, suffocating her. Anne froze, too afraid to move. She let her assailant manhandle her inside as the door miraculously opened.

She was tossed against the wall, her feet in the air. The hand on her neck did not let her scream.

I'm going to die! How foolish have I been… now is the time to pay for my own stupidity…

The young woman cringed when the hood was violently taken off. A blaze of a candle directed into her face made her squint her eyes. She prepared for a final blow.

I feel like those frightened animals which await my husband's killing bullet… The same lack of hope and silent acceptance of inevitable...

There was a sharp gasp and Anne was suddenly free. Her legs were not able to hold her upright but before she reached the floor she was caught again. Gently this time.

"I beg your pardon, Your Majesty", Porthos' voice sounded angelic to her, "I wanted to protect my brother… please forgive me my rudeness!"

"I'm fine", she mumbled surprising herself, "no harm was done", she added in a more royal way. The young Queen felt weak with relief and was grateful that the musketeer's hands still provided a support.

She did not hear the steps of another person, only the muffled question too close to her.

"Who's our guest?"

Aramis!

"I wanted to inquire about your health, Monsieur.", Anne spoke up.

"It's too dangerous to come here, your Majesty", Aramis hissed.

"I suggest we enter deeper into our shelter. We're too close to the door for any discussion", Porthos muttered , "this way!"

He led her through the narrow corridor. Anne could feel anger radiating from Aramis who was going behind her. It hurt.

They reached a room with a table and a few chairs. A bottle of wine and a candle were standing on the table. The Queen was grateful for dim light which was hiding her embarrassment.

"Could you leave us alone, Monsieur Porthos?", she asked. The musketeer cast a glance at his friend and only after finding confirmation in his eyes he bowed and disappear in the corridor they had passed.

Anne sat on a chair and sighed. Now was the hardest part. Aramis was standing in front of her. His face pale. But he was standing, he had been acting before, he was recovering… at least physically.

"Aramis…", she whispered.

"It's too dangerous for you to be here, your Majesty", he stated stiffly, "did our Captain not give you all information you needed?"

"No! Because he did not know things I need to know!", she blurted out.

Her beloved was standing there, his face unreadable. He could have been a marble statue.

Torture can change a man. Have you become a soulless creature? Have I lost you forever?

"Did Treville inform you about my plan?", Anne asked instead of the other questions screaming in her mind.

"Yes. He did. Though I don't think you've come here to discuss the strategy as the Captain and Athos can be easily summoned."

"No… I needed to talk to you…"

"I'm listening, my Lady", he gave a formal bow.

"Do you hate me so much, Aramis?!", Anne asked before her mind closed her mouth.

The young woman could not breathe, so frightening was that thought. She would not survive if Aramis detested her. However, she had lain with Rochefort. Her own husband could not stand the thought of touching her, so there should be no surprise if her lover felt the same.

Every time Anne had been visualising this conversation it had gone much better. She had not sounded so pathetic. She was not accusing him nor pleading with him. But musketeer's bitter coldness was killing her.

"How could I hate the Queen I swore to protect with my life?", the marksman replied. There was nothingness in his eyes which brought her close to tears.

"The Queen who is dishonored? Yes, you can.", she whispered.

"Rochefort brought dishonor only on himself!", Aramis answered, his voice rough.

"Do you really believe in it? You're the one who may know how I feel… I may be found not guilty, but not guilty doesn't mean innocent…"

There was a crack in his stance. The pain in his eyes.

Do you really want to hurt him?

"So... do you hate me, Aramis?"

"No!", the musketeer cried, "I could never hate you, Ana! You're innocent mi Amor…", he choked on his last words.

"Aramis…", Anne stood up and approached him. She slowly extended her hand and touched his face. He froze. She looked into his eyes, a dark ocean of pain.

"Are you able to love me after all that has happened?"

"Ana… I… my tainted heart… you're be always my beloved… I'll avenge any harm done to you…"

Something was amiss. She nearly caught it, but still it was slipping between her fingers. He was slipping between her fingers. This realization hit her was losing him.

Anne slowly cut the distance between them and stood on her fingers to reach his lips with hers. He did not react to her touch, to the tender kiss she placed on his mouth.

She withdrew, tears slowly falling down her face.

He dropped on his knees.

"Don't cry, Ana… I… I am sorry… I beg your forgiveness…"

"No! Treville told me that the man I knew was dead. I do not accept it!", she knelt in front of him, placing her hand on his heart, "But I can feel his heart is still beating! You're stronger than this! I know the taste of despair you feel… I feel it too. I am aware how non-existence is tempting… how nothing seems to ease the pain… I am here to ask for your love and to give it to you. We're both tainted. We're the same.", finally she was speaking the scenario she had repeated so many times in her head.

"Ana…", he choked on her name. Anne took his face into her hands. She remembered too vividly how he had avoided her touch in Fontainebleau.

"I love you… and nothing will change it."

Even if you hurt me I'll love you. You cannot become a monster like Rochefort. You're a different kind of man.

Her hands were trembling as she was looking in his eyes searching for love he once had for her.

"Help me, Aramis…", the Queen pleaded her lips nearly touching his.

I need to feel your touch. I need to feel your love. I need to forget. I… do not remember much but… it's enough to scare me…

"Ana", she read her name in the movement on his lips. With a strange gasp he reciprocated her kiss.

I want to seduce him further. I want to run away…

Anne slowly slipped her hand down his neck. He shivered. In his brown eyes desire swirled with so many emotions. She did not even try to name them, mesmerized by them. She could feel his pain. She sensed his vulnerability. Different, yet the same as in the convent.

They were once again lost souls reaching to each other through pain. Only the pain was so much fresher than there.

Her fingers found the bandages under his shirt and for a moment she was not sure if he was fit enough. But the passion in his kisses made it too difficult to formulate a question. She focused her sheer willpower to guide them on their feet and towards another room she knew was there. The Queen preferred not to have Porthos as the witness of their treason. He knew, obviously. And that was the reason that the man kept his silent vigil at the door but still…

The musketeers' impromptu bedroom was quite a mess, but Anne did not mind it especially that her senses felt overwhelmed. She had never been so surrounded by Aramis' smell.

The Queen lost herself in musketeer's touch. Suddenly she realized his hands came still.

"Ana…", his fingers ghosted over her nearly healed cuts on her hand. The young woman gasped unsure how to react. A part of her wanted to ask him to let go while the other needed his forgiveness and understanding.

"I felt awful... ", she whispered, "I… I needed a distraction…", she did not have courage to meet his gaze.

Aramis gently kissed her palm.

"I wish I could have saved you… I would give everything to not let this monster to touch you…"

"I know... "

Constance told me how eager you are to give everything to save those who you love. How easily you sacrifice yourself without the awareness that without you our world would be so dark and hopeless…

The musketeer cradled her face in his palm and Anne met his eyes. Those brown orbs full of compassion, pain and love. She felt so cherished, so treasured.

"You've saved me so many times… you're saving me now. Make me forget everything…", the Queen pleaded melting under his touch.

He obliged.

Anne was still trembling from the pleasure. She did not want to open her eyes, to return to the reality where being cherished meant high treason. She knew they endangered the Dauphin by their love. It should never happen again but still…

She purred when Aramis' fingers stroked her arm. She was lying across his chest so utterly spent.

We cannot do it again…

"I love you", she whispered.

"And I youI"

I would give everything to be yours. To be your wife. To bear your children. To share life with you…

Her hand slipped from his neck to his chest, finding bandages.

Did I hurt you?!

She suddenly rose.

"Ana?", Aramis caught her. hand, his voice was full of alert.

"Your wounds…?", she asked softly, looking into his brown eyes carefully.

"I'm fine.", he replied swiftly but Anne saw residual pain in his gaze.

"Please… did I hurt you?", she reiterated her question.

"No, you haven't done anything wrong, Ana…"

She kissed him slowly,.

"I should go… but there is something I have to ask you", she stated solemnly.

She knew he was slowly falling asleep, utterly exhausted. His still healing body probably should not have taken so much exertion. However her words awoke him.

"Your wish is my order", he replied and though he was lying naked pinned by her weight, she could swear his answer was accompanied by a charmant bow.

"Live, Aramis! Don't search honorable death but live for me", Anne ordered watching him intently.

She saw that her plea shocked him and he was searching in vain words to answer.

"Promise me!", she insisted. She could not lose him because of some cruel men and their intrigue. Her musketeer was stronger than that, even if he had not believed it recently.

"I'll do my best", he kissed her hand.

The Queen nodded satisfied,

I know that this cannot be repeated but… to know it is possible to be repeated may be a source of my strength.

Anne kissed him once more and searched for her clothes. He watched her or rather tried to as sleep finally took him.

She kissed him goodbye and smiled when he answered but never opened his eyes. She sneaked out from the room.

The Queen nodded towards Porthos and hesitated.

"Protect him. Don't let him die", she ordered and saw complete understanding on the musketeer's face.

"I've never been here", she added unnecessarily and smiled when Porthos bowed deeply and opened door for her.

A/N

I've never thought that I would write Anmis, but it has just happened…