Hi, thank you for the reviews and support! It means the world :)
Truth be told I'm having so much fun revisiting this story, and I hope you too!
Love you all 3
Chapter 2:
"WHERE IS SHE?"
"I don't know..." breathed Merlin, trying to calm the King, "Arthur, please calm down..."
"Calm down? CALM DOWN?" he suddenly stopped and pointed his finger menacingly at Merlin, his eyes shinning with anger. But Merlin knew him so well by now – this other part of him, that he could see just what was lying carefully hidden behind Arthur's anger… Panic. The young King continued rambling, "Guinevere is missing and you're asking me to calm down? Are you valuing your life at all Merlin?"
The young servant breathed and hesitated before saying,
"Maybe… Have you considered the fact that she may not be missing?"
Immediately, Arthur stopped everything he was doing (which consisted only in pacing).
"What do you mean? Do you know something? Merlin, you must tell me if you know something, anything."
Merlin sighed.
This was not going to be easy.
"What I mean is, have you considered the fact that she might have chosen to leave?"
Arthur paled,
And then there was a silence for a few seconds.
"It doesn't make any sense. Guinevere would never do this to me."
"Arthur," whispered his friend, "You two aren't together anymore, maybe Gwen just wanted to make things easier for the both of you."
He saw the King closed his eyes a few seconds before opened them again, staring at the wall in front of him.
Merlin sighed,
He knew this look all too well and could have predicted the words leaving the King's mouth next.
"We are leaving at dawn Merlin,"
"Arthur..."
"It was not a question, nor a suggestion, it was an order."
24 HOURS EARLIER
Gwen sighed again, seeing Merlin ran away from her, she knew that he was mad at her for what she did to Arthur.
Arthur.
Her heart broke a little more, thinking about her former fiancé whom she hadn't seen for 5 whole days now.
And it was the longer they had spent without talking to each other in quite a few years – well, apart from when he was on quest or missions for the Kingdom but that didn't count.
She missed him dearly.
Actually missed him so much she was often wandering in the corridors just in the hope to catch a glimpse of his golden hair..
But he was nowhere to be seen.
Truth be told, the King barely left his chamber.
He stayed inside and if the official version said that he was sick, Gwen knew the reason why Arthur refused to get out. He reason why he felt prisoner in his owncastle.
She was the reason.
She was the cause of all this.
She broke his heart.
The young woman wiped rapidly a tear that had escaped her vigilance, and took her package of clothes before going back to work.
She had to talk to Merlin, explain him, tell him that she did this for Arthur because she was no worthy of his trust, because she was not worthy of him...
She would have hurt him.
And she'd rather break her own heart than let that happen.
Merlin walked rapidly in the castle's corridors, trying to clear his mind.
He didn't know why he kept on avoiding Gwen, she was still his friend and he still loved her dearly.
But his loyalty would always lie with Arthur.
No questions asked.
His thought were stopped when he saw the King's door slowly opened, Arthur got out of it, and crossed his friend's stare for a few second.
His eyes were empty, large violets circles under them and quite frankly, Merlin was beginning to fear that he would never see again the man he cared about as the only friend he truly ever had.
"Were you looking for me Sire?"
Arthur opened his mouth then closed it before staring outside,
"It's nice outside, maybe I will ride today."
"Would you want me to prepare your horse?"
"No thanks Merlin. I will."
And the King left without another word while his young friend stayed still, thinking bitterly than he would rather have Arthur shout at him than saying "thanks".
Arthur was walking toward the stables, barely noticing people bowing to him or telling him how much it was good to see him well enough to stand.
And thanks Merlin for thinking to say he had caught the disease that had been plaguing the town lately, not a serious one but it kept people in bed for at least a week.
But still, how could they find him well?
He was so far from well,
It felt like someone had taken a knife, plunged it in his heart and twisted.
This actually hurt worst than some battle wounds he had had.
And people looking at him with pity on their eyes because his fiancé had left him a day before their wedding wasn't making him feel any better.
When did his life turn into such a hell?
He finally made his way toward the stables, saddled his horse and ride, ready to run away from the city, run away from her for at least a little while.
He didn't notice the wide brown eyes following his departure.
He didn't notice the tear falling from the face of the woman who watched him go toward the forest.
Because Arthur paid any attention to nothing, he didn't notice that Gwen only had eyes for him.
Seeing Arthur leaving the city, Gwen went to his chamber and found the person she wanted to talk with.
"Merlin," she breathed and he immediately looked up at her and looked down at the armor he was cleaning again, "I have to talk to you."
"I'm busy right now Gwen. I have to clean and polish this for Arthur." he stopped, trying to hold back an anger he had not thought so strong.
"Merlin..."
"I'm sure you have things to do, as well. See you later."
Guinevere closed her eyes and when a tear rolled down on her cheek, the young man felt instantly guilty.
Gwen was still his friend, too.
He sighed and got up to laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, trying to find the words while his anger fell down as quickly as it had been raised.
"I'm sorry Gwen, I didn't want to hurt you." she looked up with her warm brown eyes and smiled sadly, "It's just... He's my friend." she nodded, knowing the bond Arthur and Merlin shared to be strong. "And I'm worried about him." he finally admitted, looking down again,
"Me too..." and this time, a sob took her and Merlin couldn't help but take her in his arms, trying to comfort her.
He was clearly useless to Arthur, he was not going to let Gwen suffer too.
"I take it he isn't feeling better?"
"Do you want the truth?"
Gwen moved away a little and quickly wiped her cheeks while nodding before Merlin said,
"No, he's not Gwen. And this is a weak word. He stays here all day, sometimes in front of the window, sometimes just on his bed staring at the ceiling. He doesn't speak anymore, doesn't eat anymore, doesn't even sleep anymore! And I think that it is the first time that he left his room since... well, you know. He's not well at all and I don't know how to help him."
She knew it.
She did.
So why was it breaking her heart all over again?
"I should leave Camelot." she exclaimed, realisation hitting her only now. "With me gone, he could be happy again."
Merlin smiled so very sadly, tilting his head.
"It's too late for that. He was happy Gwen, with you. I think he had finally let himself truly believe happiness was within reach and now that you don't want him anymore he has a hard time trying to... come to terms with it. "
She opened her mouth but Merlin cut her off,
"He let you go Gwen." her eyes widened in pain, "and I think this is the best proof of love he could have ever done to you."
On this words, he picked the different part of the armor of the King and got out of the room.
Gwen looked around her and tried to get a hold of herself.
She had done the right thing.
Even if it felt so, so wrong.
She loved Arthur more than life itself, but she still felt the urge to kiss Lancelot wherever he was near.
She couldn't be trusted.
And she wouldn't risk Arthur's heart.
He would move on eventually and even if it would break her heart, she would watch him be happy with someone worthy of him in every aspects.
Another tear rolled down her cheek.
Her attention got caught by the closet and she walked forward to see a lot of beautiful dresses, she laid her hand and found a purple one which she particularly liked when-
"You can take it if you want," said a sad voice, she jumped and turned around to see Arthur. His eyes were more red than when she had seen him sooner, his cheeks red for having spent so much time outside and his hair were a little mess, "It was for you, after all."
She laid down the dress immediately and walked slowly towards him,
"Those dresses are amazing..."
"I had chosen them myself," he looked down and Gwen felt awful doing this to him,
"I am sorry Arthur."
He looked up, so clearly hurt.
"I know."
"Arthur I..."
"You look beautiful, Guinevere."
And he meant it.
She looked so beautiful, as if nothing had happened.
And somehow, it both warmed his heart and broke it utterly.
But yet again, only she had this kind of power over him.
Their eyes locked and he was nothing but honest.
But even if he was as handsome as ever to her, she couldn't return the compliment.
"You look exhausted, Arthur."
A sad laugh escaped his lips and he said again, with that same sad voice that she hated herself to cause,
"Well... I suppose I need time. A lot, a lot of time..." he hesitated then but ended up whispering. "I do not give myself easily Guinevere," their eyes locked in a heated embrace. "But when I do, I do it completely. I do not know yet how to come back from that. But I'll learn."
She saw his crystal blue eyes filled with tears again and he looked away, before saying with hurry,
"If you would excuse me, I... have a lot of things to do." and he left.
Leaving her in the middle of his room, with the picture of the man she loved and she had broken, in mind.
It had to stop.
The pain had to stop.
He had to stop wanting to cry whenever he thought about what could have been, about all of what he had been dreaming of and would never happened.
He had to move on.
But how?
He couldn't.
He didn't know how.
All of these years he had only loved her, gave himself entirely to her, had opened his heart to her like never before.
How was he supposed to come back from that?
He took a deep shaky breath.
Even if Gwen didn't love him anymore – he felt again tears pricked at his eyes again, he would look after her from afar as hehad always done in the past.s
"I will never let anything happen to you." he whispered remembering that night after the Dragon's attack, when he had taken her hand and laid it against his heart for her to see how much it was beating for her.
And the tender and lovingly smile she had given him in return that night would burn in his mind forever.
Again, he shook his head.
He had to move on
He really did.
He had a Kingdom to run.
Lancelot checked one last time that he wasn't followed before entering the hidden cave in the rock, he immediately felt a dagger at his back and smiled,
"My Lady,"
"So?" she asked before sit in her favorite spot, in front of the fire.
Her emerald eyes once caring and loving were now empty and cold.
She turned around again to him and said coldly,
"Lancelot?"
"It's done milady. The marriage is cancelled. The King is broken. He hasn't left his room in days and even if Merlin said he was sick, words has it his heart is so broken he does not know how to recover from it yet."
Morgana smirked.
"Does he know why Gwen had shut him out?"
"What do you mean?"
"Does he know that she cancelled the wedding for you?"
At the silence which followed her question, Morgana knew the answer and with an amber flickering of her eyes the glass behind them exploded. She got up and faced him,
"Give me a parchment and a quill,"
"Why are..."
"I said," she said a little louder, "give me a parchment anda quill."
He slightly bowed and gave her what she wanted, the young woman settled on the piece of wood which was her table and wrote a letter, saying to the knight,
"Very well, you are going to listen to me attentively. Ready?" he nodded and she said again, "Give this letter to Gwen, but not right now."
In front of the puzzled look of the shadow, the witch said.
"In two days will be Arthur's birthday. Give her this letter in the morning, as soon as you can."
"How do you know it will be the King's birth..."
"We grew up together." she cut him off shortly, and she felt like an electric discharge in her heart consumed only by hate and revenge before shaking her head to clear it from past feelings of love and friendship. Of not feeling alone and always having someone to watch her back, or take risks for her. "I still know when his birthday is." she shook her head again, green eyes becoming as cold as ice again as she said, "It would be the ideal moment, I count on you."
Lancelot bowed again, taking the letter before taking his leave,
"I will not disappoint you, my Lady,"
"I know you won't."
In the Castle, Arthur was in his Chamber when Merlin came in,
"Arthur?"
"What?" sighed the King, annoyed to be disturbed.
"Your birthday is in two days and..."
"Absolutely not, Merlin." he cut him off,
"But I didn't even-"
"I am not having a feast for my birthday."
"But..." Merlin's eyes widened in offence. "Sire, you can't do this!"
"Oh don't 'Sire' me! Why couldn't I, huh?! I'm the King. I do as I want."
"Arthur", said Merlin, this time more gently, getting closer to his friend, "I know you're hurting."
"You don't know anything about what I feel, Merlin."
"By a matter of fact, I do."
Arthur turned to him, attentive suddenly,
Something passed between the two of them.
An understanding.
"Who is she?"
Merlin froze.
"A woman I met years ago in what felt like another lifetime."
Arthur nodded,
"And where is she now?"
He saw tears pricking at his friend's eyes and instantly felt guilty, the last thing he had wanted was to cause him pain,
"I'm sorry Merlin, I didn't mean to..."
"Freya." cut him, shutting his eyes close for a second. "She was the only woman I have ever loved, and died in my arms years ago. I couldn't saved her and I had to live with that on my mind ever since."
A silence.
Arthur studied him.
"You never spoke of her before," not an accusation, one of disappointment maybe.
He thought they were friends.
And good friends at that.
Merlin felt what happened in the young King's mind and hurried to explain,
"No Arthur, I do trust you! It's just... talking about her death, it would have made it to... real."
A tear rolled on his face and Arthur ran a hand through his hair before walking towards Merlin and laying a comforting hand on his shoulder,
"I understand." and then, "And I am sorry."
"Thank you."
Then again, a silence.
"Arthur, you have to move on."
"I know." the King looked down,"I love her," he murmured in an admission of vulnerability so few were allowed to see in the King.
"I know."
"And... it hurts."
"I know."
Arthur sighed before saying in a low voice,
"I feel I'm going to regret it but... permission granted."
"What for?" asked the young servant,
"For becoming King clotpole! what for do you think?"
"Eh! This is my insult!"
"Looks better on you." smirked Arthur,
"Fine, your majesty, I will prepare a feast for your birthday.
On this words and under the King's laugh, Merlin got out of the room glad to catch a glimpse of the man he knew behind the pain.
Arthur walked towards his window again, looking back at the person he was staring at before Merlin came in.
He saw Guinevere blew and wiped her forehead with one of her hands, then, a man walked toward her and apparently offered to help her as a smile spread on her beautiful face.
Arthur felt jealousy seize him and was going to tell what he was thinking to this stranger which was to close from his Guinevere before he froze inside.
She was not his Guinevere anymore, nor was she his to save.
He looked down again, fighting with his feelings. And when he raised his stare, he saw Gwen stared at him from the Castle crowd, Arthur almost ran away from the window but he couldn't removed his eyes from the woman he deeply loved.
She waved at him and he absent-mindedly noticed that he was waving back before she left.
He couldn't do that.
Couldn't see her watching him as if nothing happened, as if they hadn't lived a thing and as if he was nothing to her.
It was what hurt the most.
The way she looked at him now, he was not Arthur, the man she loved, the man who lit up her eyesanymore...
No.
Now, he was just... a man.
Like any man.
While she was the only woman for him to see.
What was on his mind since the moment she had left him was that he would have to prepare himself to see her fall in love with somebody elseand just the idea of it made him sick.
How could he watch her with another man?
But he wanted her happiness.
Before anything, before his.
So... if she was more happy withouthim...
Could he really blame her?
Arthur felt a tear left his eyes and swore, wiping it angrily.
While he couldn't have the woman he craved, he had to prepare himself for a political marriage without any sorts of feelings, for Camelot's sake.
And how could he marry someone else?
How could he kiss someone else?
How could he want someone else?
Be with someone else when he had been waited to be with his Guinevere for so long…
He didn't want anyone else.
Couldn't picture himself with anyone else.
But he was a King and had a duty to his Kingdom.
Even if he would do anything not to.
So...
Maybe Vivian, why not?
It would at least made someone happy as he had heard the young Princess was still very much taken with him.
He abandoned the idea as soon as he remembered the behaving of the Princess toward Guinevere.
Guinevere.
Again.
His whole world turned around her.
He had imagined she would be the first thing he would see when waking up every morning of his life; her pretty curls in a little mess from the night they would have spent together – and they would have had shared Chambers of course, her little body cuddled against his as often as possible. Her strength, her wisdom, her beauty, her kindness, her love, by his side forever.
He had imagined what it would be like, to have children with her…
To raise a family by her side while making Camelot the greatest Kingdom ever together.
He had believed in it so much with so much of himself that now, nothing was left except disappointed hopes and crushed dreams...
He was not sure he could move on.
He was not even sure he could try.
"Gwen?"
The young woman got out of her thoughts and smiled at her friend Joseph.
"Perfect Jo, thanks."
He smiled back and said again, seeing her glance at the King's window.
"It's pretty hard for you, isn't it?
She stared at him a few seconds and then looked down quickly, but not quickly enough for him not to see the tears in there.
The man walked toward her and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder,
"Everybody talks about the King's pain. But what about yours, child? Who cares about your pain?"
"I left him Jo. I broke his heart. I deserve what's happening to me..."
"Gwen look at me." she looked up and he said, " I know we can't always do what we want. But no one deserves to suffer in such a manner, least of all you."
She gave him a weakly smile and he wiped a tear which was rolling down her face,
"Don't cry child, if the King and you are truly meant to be together, "he said before she could open her mouth, "You will make it out of this mess."
Gwen walked in town, her shawl around her shoulders, lost in thoughts.
"Guinevere," his wide blue eyes locked onto hers, she saw the nervousness and shyness reflecting in there. "Would you make me the honor of becoming my wife?"
She thought her heart would stop.
Finally.
She was going to be his wife.
They were going to be happy together, forever.
Forgetting to answer, she threw herself in his arms and closed her eyes, feeling his warm comforting body against hers.
"Is that a yes?" she heard the man who would always be her Prince asked,
"Oh I'm sorry! Yes. Yes!"
She then saw the most happy smile spreading on Arthur's face and his beautiful eyes shining with love and relief when he passed the ring on her finger.
Nothing had ever felt so right for Guinevere.
She was exactly where she was meant to be.
In the arms of the man she loved.
Gwen shook her head, trying to come back to reality.
Her heart didn't fool her, so why had everything changed?
It didn't make any sense...
She then saw Lancelot walked toward her and something bothered her.
She wanted to kiss him, but he didn't make her heart beat the way Arthur did.
She didn't smile when she talked to him and she certainly didn't want to spend her life with him the way she had wanted with Arthur.
She wasn't constantly thinking about him either, or how safe he made her feel.
That was all Arthur.
"Gwen."
"Lancelot." she answered coldly but he didn't seem to notice – or care, and resumed walking by her side,
"I heard you cancelled your wedding with our dear King."
"That's the truth."
"Have you finally come to your senses, then?"
This time, she stopped and stared at him right in the eyes,
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you refusing to marry the King because you still have feelings for me. And obviously I still do for you."
Her eyes were shining with anger and disbelief,
"Let me make things clear between us Lancelot, if I left Arthur, it's not because I don't love him anymore and it's certainly not because I love you more. It's because I don't want him to suffer."
"Make him suffer with your feelings for me?"
The young woman stared at him again, ready to tell him how wrong he was but he took her hand, and before she could possibly do anything, brought her to him for a kiss.
And something inside her was fighting to get away from him,
But she couldn't.
She physically couldn't.
She didn't understand why!
When he let her go, she felt guilty as hell.
Guilt towards Arthur.
She froze when she saw Merlin quickly walked through them, hands filled by Arthur's things.
Oh no.
Gwen broke away quickly from Lancelot, glared at him before running in pursuit of her friend.
She found Merlin, in the arsenal, washing.
He looked furious.
And it was scary.
Merlin was never furious, always joyful and so warm.
And now…
She froze.
"Merlin, I..."
"Don't bother Gwen." he cut her off, his voice so, so cold that she actually shivered. "I don't want to know anything. It's your life and you do what you want with it." And then he seemed to hesitate, "But..." he sighed and locked his eyes onto hers finally. Blue eyes like her Arthur's but so different… She missed her Prince even more."not with Lancelot." he ended his sentence and her eyes widened.
"I beg your pardon?" she asked, puzzled suddenly and so very upset that he could think she wanted to be with Lancelot to begin with.
Couldn't anyone listen to her when she said she didn't love him?
Merlin sighed again.
He couldn't take the risk of having Gwen with a shadow, but he couldn't explain her either why she couldn't stay with him.
He tried another way, prying for it to work.
"Lancelot, Gwen? You know how much it would break Arthur's heart." She didn't answer and he kept saying. By the look on her eyes, it was working. Maybe he would be able to save her from Morgana. Plus, his words weren't false and she needed to hear them. She needed to see how much she could affect the King, because he wasn't sure she had grasped the length of it. "He had to wait so much time to finally have the nerve to propose to you because he wanted to be sure you were as in love with him as he was with you; and now not only did he see that it was not the case, but you want to court the man he has always felt threatened by?" her heart broke in her chest again and again. But he wasn't even finished. "You know, Arthur never forgot the face you had that morning when Lancelot left, all those years ago... Don't make him suffer like this again. Please." he sighed deeply, "And... Lancelot isn't...Gwen, he is not the man we used to know anymore. Do you truly believe he would have done this to Arthur otherwise? Lancelot was a man of honour who chose to leave you rather than come between the love Arthur and you share for each other. Twice. And one of those times- the first time, he could have had a shot at being with you because you and Arthur had barely started seeing each other. But he understood the power of true love and saw that was what you and Arthur had, so he left."
Gwen frowned, suddenly alarmed by the truth in Merlin's words.
(Even if he was wrong in one part. Lancelot never did stand a chance facing Arthur. Even that time after they rescued her from Hengist. Because she had already been spoken for by then. By Arthur. Much more than she - the usually practical girl, had ever thought possible in such a short amount of time.)
"And if you really want to court someone..." he said again, "please don't."
She froze again.
"You know I-" a tear fall from her eyes, but again, Merlin cut her off,
"Gwen listen, I got it. This is your life. And I'm not telling you what to do. I'm not even judging you to be honest, you're my friend and you'll always will be. No matter what." he took a hand and squeezed it, smiling sadly once again. "But... Give him some time. It's not even been a week since the wedding had been cut off. Give him a little more time, please. He's just starting to feel a little better."
She sobbed, couldn't even stop it.
"Merlin, I don't love Lancelot." she only whispered, voice breaking.
Please, could someone listen to her?
"Yet I saw the two of you."
"You saw him kissing me."
"And from where I was standing you weren't doing much to stop him!"
"I know..." she breathed,"And I feel so guilty. Don't tell Arthur, I beg you."
"I cant hide it to him." he said sadly.
"Merlin, I beg you! I don't want to see him suffer more than he already is."
Merlin seemed to think about it, and then thought about what it would do to Arthur, knowing the woman he would lay his life for without a hesitation had kissed someone else so little after their broken engagement – furthermore Lancelot.
"Alright."
She weakly smiled and looked down. Merlin began to leave, puzzled about his friend's behaviour.
First, she threw herself on Lancelot then she wanted to lie to Arthur, something was wrong.
And what she said then made him stopped right away,
"I'm not in love with Lancelot, Merlin." she breathed shakily and he stopped, "I just can't get those ideas out of my mind and believe me, if I broke up with Arthur, it was for his own good. I can't be trusted..."
He turned around slightly and she saw him frown all of a sudden.
"What do you mean you couldn't get these ideas out of your mind?"
"Nothing." she blushed.
"Gwen?"
She sighed ans closed her eyes before staring at her hands.
"Don't believe for one second that this situation isn't breaking my heart."
And she looked so sincere, he didn't understand…
Something was off.
"Then why did you do it?"
She looked down, ashamed.
"Since Lancelot returned, I can't stop..."
"What?"
"I can't stop wanting to..." she blushed again and breathed before said again, "I want to kiss him. I can only think of that and I don't understand why. My heart still beats for Arthur and I still love him but I can't stop thinking about Lancelot and I can't understand what is happening to me… It has all been so sudden..."
"What..." Merlin started, frowning, before a voice could be heard in the arsenal.
"Merlin?"
Gwen felt her heart stop, hearing this voice she could have recognize between a thousand.
"Merlin, Leon just congratulated me for this huge surprise you have been up to prepare. I want to know what it is! Not that I don't trust you, but I feel I should have a heads up. So... What is it that you're up to, dollop head?"
"If I tell you it wouldn't be called a 'surprise'." his friend said, without stopping to frown.
"Come on Merlin, you know I have the means to make you..." he stopped right away when he saw Guinevere standing here and his heart stopped. "Guinevere." he whispered and she stared at him in return, any trace of friendly teasing had disappeared from his face and she could never forgive herself for the hurt in those bright blue eyes.
"Arthur."
Merlin looked at them, lost in each other, and sighed, before leaving the room.
He had much to think about.
Something was wrong,
And he would figure out what.
Gwen began to get out too but the King caught her arm gently, she shivered and he let her go immediately,
"Sorry." he cleared his throat and said in a low voice, "You... you will be there, won't you?"
"Where?"
"At the feast, for my birthday."
Her heart stopped.
She loved him so much.
But Lancelot would be there, too.
And she couldn't be in the same place as him and Arthur…
He would torture her and torture the King with that kiss.
And yes, that was so far from the man she had once known…
What happened to him?
His transformation reminded her of Morgana's and she didn't like it one bit.
"Arthur, I don't think it's a good idea. For you or for me."
His heart fell at the bottom of his chest.
Getting used to her absence in his life was gut-wrenching.
"Of course." he cut her off, unable to hear what she had to said. " I understand. It was inappropriate of me to ask you..." he looked down and when he finally looked up, she was still in front of him, her wide brown eyes as sad as his…
Or so he thought.
Because he was clearly seeing what he wanted to see.
Guinevere had broken up with him.
His eyes got lost on her beautiful face and he wanted so much to kiss her to prove her (and himself) that they still belonged together.
A curl was escaping her bun and before he could think better of it, his treacherous heart acted and he tucked it behind her ear.
He then saw how uncomfortable she was and his eyes became wide with horror,
"My apologies." he breathed. "Old habits die hard, I suppose." He smiled weakly and broke away a little.
Gwen stared at him for a few second, feeling her heart tighten in her chest.
"I have to go."
And he left, leaving her alone but taking her heart with him, as he did every time.
In the Castle corridors, Arthur let his feet guide him but he didn't care where.
His mind was elsewhere.
It was on a perfect world where Guinevere was still his.
It was in a world of what ifs.
He had vowed to get out of her life, to act as if they were strangers.
What a stupid idea.
He could never pretend, he would never be able to see her in an other way that the woman he deeply loved, the woman who almost became his Queen.
He could never pretend that she was just like every servant.
That she was dispensable.
She had never been dispensable to him.
She always was so much more than that.
Without noticing, he looked up and a sad smile took place on his lips.
Obviously.
He needed comfort, he was feeling alone, he had a broken heart and unconsciously where does his heart taking him in those moments?
Guinevere's.
He was in front of her house.
Arthur stroked the door with his fingertips and smiled, thinking that everything had started here.
Their epic love story.
The King that fell in love with a servant girl.
He kissed her for the first time here, told her he had never loved another here, had made the mistake of breaking her heart here, had asked her in marriage here.
He smiled again, tenderly, before removing something from his pocket.
He pressed the piece of cloth – the favor she gave to him in what felt like decades ago, and stroked it tenderly before put it in his face, getting drunk with the smell of her which remained like stuck somehow.
He had carried this everywhere with him, even on missions outside of Camelot.
This was his lucky charm.
A way to keep his Guinevere with wherever he was.
But he had to let that go, right?
With a much more shaking hand, he tied the fabric to the handle of the door, letting his hand on it for a little while.
It was here that all begun, it was only right it ended there.
He closed his eyes briefly and opened them,
"Goodbye, my love."
Then the King left, and it was like he had left a part of his pain behind with it.
Oh, his heart was still very much broken but… . It felt different, somehow.
As if he had understood that self-pity wasn't the good choice, it wouldn't made her change her mind.
His people needed him.
He still had a life.
Even if she did not want to be a part of it.
Getting back in his chamber Arthur thought for the first time in days that he could really use a nap.
When Merlin came in Arthur's chamber this night bringing him his dinner, he found him fast asleep all clothed on his bed, snoring.
The young warlock smiled and walked toward him, covering his friend with the cover before leaving the room without a noise.
He got in his chamber which he shared with Gaius, a smile on the lips which didn't escape the gaze of the old physician,
"Merlin,"
"Arthur is asleep."
A smile spread on the old man's lips
"How much time since he really slept?"
"Since Gwen cancelled the wedding."
"I told you Merlin, heart's wounds are harder to heal than normal wounds because they've got no medicine other than time... But it would seem that our young King is in a good way of healing."
"Speaking of Gwen..." and Merlin's face darkened,
"What happened with her Merlin?"
"It's... strange. I couldn't explain."
"Such a great news. Am I suppose to read your mind then?"
"No, of course not! Just... understand. Arthur call it my "funny feelings", it's... strange, I feel something's wrong with her and I would bet my life it's Morgana's doing."
The old physician and his apprentice stared at one another and their faces were mirroring the same thought, one day or another, Morgana will have to be stopped... for good.